02x09 - Sam Faces Death

[bunniefuu]

♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪



♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪


♪ It's time I made it to the top ♪


♪ Gimme a break, I'm looking forward ♪


♪ Get behind me, pull out every stop ♪


♪ I want a happy ending, I'm tired of pretending ♪


♪ Won't let 'em get the best of me ♪


♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa


♪ Gimme a break


♪ The game is survival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ And plan my arrival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ For heaven's sake


♪ What happened to my piece of the cake? ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break!


Okay, samantha, it's ready. Take it out.


Oh, boy.


Oh.


These look terrific. They smell great.


Hey.


I'll bet you could hit a fernando valenzuela screwball


With this one!


Samantha, please, honey.


Just help me clear away this stuff.


And no nibbling, dear.


This spaghetti and bread is for tomorrow night's dinner.


Ooh.


Could we just pretend it's tomorrow and pig out now?


Honey, in this house, we eat and we dine.


We do not "pig out." Got that, porky?


Nell, have you seen my lip gloss?


It's on top of the dresser, sweetheart.


Thanks.


I've got a date coming over,


And I wouldn't want him to kiss unglossed lips.


Nell, do you think there could be something wrong with me?


No. What's the matter?


Well, 'cause katie and julie are crazy about boys,


And boys just don't do anything to me at all.


You know, come to think of it,


They ain't done much to me lately either.


Anybody seen my car keys? I'm late for my bowling league.


Yep. They're in the refrigerator.


In the refrigerator?


Uh-huh.


Right where that chocolate cake was.


What gave me away? The footprints in the jello?


Ah, spaghetti, huh?


Don't eat that, chief! You don't know where it's been!


Where's it been?


In the grocery store.


Julie nell? Can I see you a minute, please?


Sure, honey! What is it?


Was that dad leaving?


Yeah.


Hey, julie.


I've got to admit, you look great.


You're dressed for a king.


Who's coming, kong? [ Giggles ]


Steve sandler is coming over.


Oh, I guess I don't have to ask


What a steve sandler is, huh?


Your glasses are all steamed up.


He's the quarterback on their football team,


A first-string yatzoh.


He's gorgeous.


I'm gonna give him a little help with his algebra.


Just as long as he doesn't help you


With your sex education, okay?


See, if he flunks algebra, he can't play football.


And on last friday's test, out of points,


He got the date right.


He's really dumb.


I even heard that they have to hike the ball at two


Because he can't count any higher.


[ Doorbell rings ]


That's him.


Well, move.


How do I look?


You look terrific, honey.


Honey, just remember -- he's the guy that drops passes.


Hi, steve.


I'm so glad you could make me.


Meet me. [ Chuckles ]


How you doing, judy?


Julie.


Julie kanisky.


Hey, is your dad really the chief of police?


Yeah, but you don't have to worry about him tonight.


He's out tracking down a one-fingered pickpocket.


One-fingered? What does he steal?


[ Chuckles ]


Doughnuts.


Is there money in that?


Nell, I'd like you to meet steve, and --


And this is my baby sister, samantha,


Who is up way past her bedtime.


Hi, samantha. Hi, nell.



Hi.


Wow! Three beautiful women in one house?


What's a guy to do?


Move in.


Listen, steve,


About those interceptions last game --


Samantha, let's go finish that spaghetti, darling.


Well, I figured if you just drop


A little bit back further in the pocket,


You wouldn't wind up on your butt all the time.


Oh, yes. Say good night, samantha.


Good night.


[ Chuckles ]


Uh, shall we sit down?


Sure.


Oh!


Are you okay?


Yeah, i-i must have strained my ankle


During last week's k run.


Well, here. Why don't you just hang on to me?


Thank you.


Can I get you something?


Uh, coffee, coke, ice cream?


Nah. No, thanks.


Are you into yogurt?


No. I get dizzy when I stand on my head.


Hey, julie.


I got this one big problem with the algebra. What's that?


You sit too far away,


And it's hard for me to copy off your paper.


[ Laughs ]


[ Laughs ]


Look at all the fun we're having already.


Uh, shall we start with word problems?


I've got one. Um...you've got this car.


Van.


Van.


And it gets, oh, miles to the gallon,


And you've got one gallon of gas.


Gas.


Ga-a-a-s.


Hey, you got gas?


[ Hoarsely ] laryngitis.


It -- it must be from --


From cheering you on at last week's game.


Yeah, I could hardly even hear you.


[ No audio ]


I still can't hear you.


Thank you.


I feel much better now.


[ Normal voice ] now, where were we?


Samantha, what are you doing?


Shh! You can hear better if you put a glass to the door.


Do you know if somebody opens that door,


You'll be hearing through your nose


And drinking through your ear?


Stop it.


Boy, these word problems are brutal.


Okay. Now, my van gets what?


Miles to the gallon.


And all I've got's one gallon?


Right.


Now, say you want to take this cute girl --


Me, for instance --


To, oh, this great little pizza place that I know.


Oh, thanks, julie, but I can't eat that junk.


See, I got to take care of my body.


This is where I live. It's my home.


If you ever need a house sitter, just let me know.


Oh, I didn't know you had company, julie.


We're studying.


Okay. Sorry.


Hi. I'm steve sandler.


I'm katie, julie's sister.


[ Chuckles ] and I'm a mess.


No, you're not.


Yes, she is. Come on, steve.


It was nice meeting you, steve.


I'm gonna get something to eat. I'm starved.


Hey, me, too. Listen, katie.


How'd you like to get a pizza?


Pizza makes her face break out.


I thought you had to study.


Oh, nah, I got that algebra stuff down cold,


Thanks to julie.


So what do you say?


Sure. Pizza sounds great. Let's go.


Uh, katie, are you sure you want to go?


I thought you had to stay home


And sew some more padding into your bra.


Come on, jule.


Oh, is that your blue van outside?


Yeah. Want to drive?


I'd love to! [ Laughing ] great.


I am so hungry. I haven't eaten all day long.


[ Door closes ]


Julie?


Julie, are you all right?


We heard the whole thing from the kitchen.


Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.



Look, things don't always work out the way we plan, okay?


I'm okay, nell. Really. I'm on to new things.


Yeah? Like what?


Movies.


Did you ever see "the texas chain saw m*ssacre"?


No.


You will when katie gets home.


[ Vehicle approaches ] [ door closes ]


And the bad news is, you're pitching tomorrow.


[ Both laugh ]


Hey, that was really funny, katie.


I still can't believe how much we ate.


Yeah, you ate half the pizza. I'll bet I even ate more.


Hey, I had a good time.


I'll, uh, see you tomorrow?


.


Good night, steve.


Night, katie.


Oh, hi, julie. You're up late.


I was making a voodoo doll.


Can I borrow a strand of your hair?


What's the matter?


You stole my date!


Stole your date? [ Laughing ] what?


Julie, he's just a guy you were studying with.


Katie.


Look at my hair, my makeup, my clothes.


Does it look like I was just studying?


No. You look like the bride at a gypsy wedding.


Back off my boyfriend.


Your boyfriend?


Listen, julie, you don't own steve.


Look, the guy comes over here, and he meets two girls.


He likes me instead of you.


What do you want to do, arrest me?


Yes, for jock-snatching.


You're a loon ball, you know that?


And you kissed him!


For a girl that doesn't like tongue sandwiches,


That was some kiss.


Okay, I kissed him.


Big deal. I kiss a lot of guys.


I know.


Your name's on the wall in the boys' room.


It says "for a fair time, call katie."


Oh, come on, julie.


Look, steve thinks you're a nice kid.


But obviously,


He prefers somebody a little bit more sophisticated.


Sophisticated?


You've got pepperoni stuck in your teeth.


Oh, yeah? Yeah.


Well, what about your lip gloss?


You look like you ate a pork chop


Without using your hands.


Oh, yeah?


Julie, I'm warning you. Don't do that.


[ Gasps ] you're right.


I'm allergic to rubber.


You guys, stop it.


This is crazy. I'm not fighting with you.


What, are you afraid?


You're gonna be sorry you did that, julie.


Yeah? Come on. I'm waiting.


Stop it!


Stay out of this, samantha.


Be a nice, quiet girl,


And I'll let you have katie's teeth for a bracelet.


Oh, my god! The kitchen's on fire!


[ Shrieks ]


Nell, help! There's gonna be a m*rder!


[ Glass shattering ]


[ Julie shrieks ]


I'm gonna rip your hair out by its mousy brown roots!


You two, cut it! Stop it!


Stop it!


Just a second! Julie needs some cooling off!


All right, katherine.


If that's the way you want it...


Stay right there.


Okay, everybody, it's over with, okay?


[ Door opens ]


Excuse me. It's not over.


Where are my glasses?!


Sweetheart, that's my dinner.


You're gonna be eating it off katie!


You put that down, or I'll spank your butt, girl.


Nell, you're not taking this spaghetti alive!


Ha!


That's not katie!


Show your face,


You man-stealing, little backstabber, you!


Yoo-hoo. Come on, four eyes.


Feel your way over here.


Show your face, chicken!


Bawk! Bawk! Bawk, bawk, bawk!


That was good, nell.


Nothing like good old american stew


To stick to your ribs.


That's 'cause we didn't have any more spaghetti



To stick to your face.


Sweetheart, you didn't touch your dinner.


I'm not hungry.


In fact, I think I'm going to barf.


Sit down, katie, will you? Eat your stew.


Thanks, dad, but I don't want to eat too much.


I've got a date with steve tonight.


We'll probably get something later.


We all know he will.


That's it, nerd ball. Keep talking --


All right, now. Come on. Katie, stop it.


I don't want any more fighting in this house.


Nell what are you doing, julie?


What are you doing with that necklace?


[ Grinding ]


Are you insane?


No, nell. I'm perfectly sane.


That was katie's.


Oh, you got to stop this.


Nell, I'm not gonna stop. I'm gonna get even.


I'm gonna beat katie at her own game.


You don't want to do that.


Yes, I do.


All I need to do


Is get myself a bottle of bleach for my hair,


A few tubes of really garish makeup.


Then I've just got to do one thing,


And I'll be exactly like katie --


Donate half my brain to science.


I heard that, you geek!


Now, katie, stop it.


I'm getting tired of all this squabbling.


Boys sure are a lot of trouble.


I think I'll marry a hamster.


You don't play katie's game in her court.


You fight with your own best strengths.


Great.


When steve comes over,


I'll just unbutton my blouse and flash him my i.q.


Honey, don't put yourself down.


You're intelligent, and that's terrific.


You're interesting.


Do you know that when people get to know you


And they talk to you, they really begin to care about you?


It's no good, nell.


I don't want to be smart.


I'd give up all the brains I have,


All the sophistication in the world,


If I could just have one big, stupid, handsome jock


Fall in love with me, just once in my life.


Oh, come here.


[ Sniffles ]


It's gonna be okay.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Come on.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Just a second, steve!


Hi.


Hi. You ready?


Just let me get my purse.


Hey, I love that sweater.


Really brings out the beautiful brown in your eyes.


You're just saying that because my eyes are beautiful...


And blue.


So can I drive again tonight?


Oh, yeah. Sure.


[ Chuckles ]


You know, I've had my eye on you for a long time, katie.


You mean you already knew who I was from school?


Sure. Who doesn't?


Steve, when you came over here to study with julie,


You didn't know I lived here, did you?


Sure, I did.


Everybody knows there's two kanisky sisters --


A smart one and a gorgeous one.


Guess which one you are.


Are you telling me you set this all up?


Sure, I did. I figured studying with judy would be a good --


Julie. Yeah.


I figured studying with julie would be a good way to meet you.


Hey, come on.


Let's go fog up some windows at the drive-in.


So you had this all planned?


Well, yeah.


I'm just not another athletic supporter.


You used my sister,


And you didn't care if you hurt her feelings.


You really hurt her bad, steve.


Hey, come on, katie.


She'll get over it.


Maybe.


But I won't.


I don't want to go out with you --


Not tonight or any night.


Katie, relax.


Don't get so uptight.


Why'd you go throw my keys in the driveway?


So you can kiss the asphalt!


Katie? Thank you.


Thanks for what?



For telling steve off.


Listen, julie, I didn't get rid of him for you.


Guys like steve are the pits.


They don't care who they hurt.


It was just a matter of time


Before he did something rotten to me.


Then how come I feel better?


That's easy.


I dumped a guy who dumped on you.


It's natural.


Yeah. You were great!


[ Laughs ]


Listen, julie.


We've got to have an understanding.


We're gonna meet guys that we might both like.


Some of them are gonna like you,


And some of them are gonna like me.


And I can't just dump all the guys who like me.


I mean, nobody owns boys.


They go out with who they want to.


That makes sense.


I don't like it, but it makes sense.


Listen, um, I'm sorry


For some of those things I said to you last night.


I mean, no guy is worth us being that mean to each other.


And no boy is worth throwing a pot of spaghetti all over dad.


But it was funny.


What a fight!


You guys really got off some good ones.


Katie's name being all over the boys' bathroom.


But the best one was the one


About julie eating pork chops without using her hands.


[ Laughs ]


Okay. Stop it, sam.


But it was great.


We haven't had that much excitement


Since nell trapped the rat in the microwave.


Aah! No!


Let's rip her clothes off


And throw her in the street naked!


Aah!


Aah!


Help!


Aah!


Nell! Help!


Dad! m*rder!


Think we ought to do anything?


About what?


About that.


I didn't hear nothing.