02x03 - Sam's Imaginary Friend

[bunniefuu]

["♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪



♪ Gimme a break, I sure deserve it ♪


♪ It's time I made it to the top ♪


♪ Gimme a break, I'm looking forward ♪


♪ Get behind me, pull out every stop ♪


♪ I want a happy ending, I'm tired of pretending ♪


♪ Won't let 'em get the best of me ♪


♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa


♪ Gimme a break


♪ The game is survival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ And plan my arrival


♪ Gimme a break


♪ For heaven's sake


♪ What happened to my piece of the cake? ♪


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break


♪ Gimme a break!


Ah, gertrude, here, baby. Here's a cr*cker. I would give you some clam dip,


But I don't want you munching on your cousins.


Hi, chief.


Hi.


Mom and pop here yet?


No, I think your mother's making some last-minute adjustments


To her poligrip.


Where's my lockbox? I want to put away my g*n.


Oh, yeah, that.


Well, see, let me tell you what happened.


You know how I'm short, and I can't reach up there, you know?


So I saw your box.


I said, "hey, stand on it." I did, and there it is.


Now what am I supposed to do with my g*n?


Chief, I have waited years


For you to ask me that question.


I'll lock it away in the upstairs closet.


Don't forget to tell the monster it's loaded.


Ooh!


Nell, smell me. Too much perfume?


[ Sniffs ]


Too little?


Baby, tonight you don't have to worry


About mosquitos or flies.


Hi, samantha, and where are you going?


I'm gonna take a quick dip in miller's pond.


Miller's pond? That swamp?


It's full of bugs and frogs and snakes.


Yeah, it's great. Want to come?


Not on your life.


But you used to come with me.


Well, I'm through with miller's pond.


Last time I went, I got a turtle in my t*nk top.


Besides, I've got a date tonight.


It's the most important date of my whole, whole life.


Who's it with?


I don't know.


Katie's boyfriend, todd, fixed me up.


We're double-dating.


Oh, double-dating.


You know, I used to always hate going on double dates.


You just always get so crowded


With four people in the backseat.


[ Laughs ]


I'm sorry, squirt. I just can't make it.


That's okay. I'll just go with debbie jo.


Nell, she's doing it again.


Doing what, honey?


That imaginary-friend thing.


I think she's got a few toys loose in her attic.


Her name is debbie jo.


And she's my friend, so don't make fun of her.


You mean, um, she's here now?


Yep.


Yeah, okay.


She's here in this room?


Whoa!


Thataway, debbie jo!


That was you, samantha.


It was not. It was debbie jo.


She can't stand geeks.


Stop! Come on!


Hey, hey, hey, hey. What's going on?


Dad, her nutsy imaginary friend is back.


Samantha...


Honey, I asked you not to play that game.


It's not a game, dad. Debbie jo's real.


She's just like us,


Only she's invisible, and she never grows up.


Well, no wonder.


It's hard to eat when you can't see where your mouth is.


[ Car horn blares ]


Julie!


Forget it. You're not going anywhere.


Daddy? What are you talking about?


They brought a van.


I was young once, you know.


Dad, dave doesn't even have reclining seats.


Yeah, he took them out to make room for a water bed.


Shut up, nutso.


And he has a bumper sticker that says, "honk if you want some."


Shh! Shh!


Well, I'll give him a honk that'll rattle his back teeth.



Look, dad, please don't embarrass me.


Daddy, this is the most important date of my whole life.


Please don't spoil it. You got to let me go.


No.


Daddy, please? Please?


Oh, daddy, please?


I think I'm gonna barf.


Come on, chief. Let them go.


You can always follow them in your squad car.


And if you get suspicious,


You can always sh**t a hole in the water bed.


Daddy, if you let me go,


I'll spit shine your shoes every night for a month.


I'll spit shine your socks.


Your feet?


Please, daddy?


All right, go ahead.


Thank you, daddy.


Thank you. Oh!


Katie, I broke your heel.


Katie oh, julie!


[ Doorbell rings ]


Oh, no.


Hi, todd.


Hi, dave. Come on in, you guys.


[ Whistles ]


Excuse me just a second.


Is that guy mine?


Yeah.


He's gorgeous!


W-w-where's the one I usually get,


You know, the short guy with glasses and zits?


Uh, julie, this is dave.


Hi.


Hi, I'm julie kanisky.


I'm dave.


He talks, too!


Say something else.


Why is one side of you higher than the other?


It's not me. The house is on the side of a hill.


Uh, dad, you remember todd,


And this is dave.


Hi.


Why you got a water bed in your van?


Oh, and this is my little sister samantha and nell.


Hi.


Wait a minute. Aren't you forgetting somebody?


No, we're not. No.


Yeah. You forgot to introduce debbie jo.


Samantha, go on upstairs and wash your face.


Okay, dad.


Come on, debbie jo. Last one up is a rotten egg.


Wow, talk about flip city.


Look, I just work here.


You know, I'm not related to these people at all.


Katie good night, dad.


Julie good night, daddy. Thank you.


Have a... Kind of nice night.


We're gonna have to get samantha a shrink.


A shrink? Chief, come on.


She's just a little girl


Who's pretending to have an imaginary friend.


[ Doorbell rings ]


Will someone get that?


Right. Hey, will somebody get that?


Samantha!


Whoa, debbie jo!


Well, hello, everybody!


Hey, pop. How you doing?


Where's the lady?


She's parking the car.


Mildred, back it up a little.


Yeah, you got about a foot.


Got about a foot.


[ Loud crash ]


Got about a foot.


Come in, pop. What's that?


I said, "come in."


Oh, in, yes, yes.


Come on, I want you to have some of my clam dip.


You're gonna strip?


Where's my glasses? Where's my glasses?


Okay, let her rip!


Where are the girls?


Samantha will be down in a minute.


Julie and katie are out on a date.


With each other?


No, pop, with boys.


A date with boys. My, how time flies.


It seems like only yesterday


Little kate was running around here


With a diaper in her hand.


We could never get her to keep her pants on.


Well, I hope you talked to her about that.


Hi, grandma. Hi, grandpa.


Wait -- stand back. Watch out.


Debbie jo is gonna slide down the railing.


That was terrific!


Wasn't that terrific?


I didn't see a thing.



Just my luck --


My eyes conk out on the night before nell strips.


Believe me, you're okay.


I mean, she's just playing a little game.


Yeah, come on. Dinner's served.


I'm starving.


Well, good, mom. I hope you like turkey.


I love turkey.


You're gonna get plenty of it. Here, sit down here, mom.


All righty.


There you go.


Thank you, sonny.


Dig in, folks.


Where am I gonna sit?


In your seat, honey.


I can't. Debbie jo's sitting there.


You know, everything's going off --


First my eyes, then my ears.


We'd better hop in the sack before everything goes.


Pop, you're all right.


Samantha, sit down.


Debbie jo, you can sit here.


Now, samantha, I want you to stop that foolishness.


Know what this reminds me of?


Somebody else in the family


Whose elevator didn't go all the way to the top.


There's nobody in our family like that.


Oh, yes. Your brother ralph?


There's nothing wrong with my brother ralph.


You want me to cut some meat for you?


Now, samantha, eat!


Well, she can't eat yet. She needs some gravy.


Oh, here, honey. I hope she likes giblet gravy.


Now, come on. We're through humoring that kid.


Give me that! Come on, give me --


All right, that's enough! Go up to your room!


What did I do?


You know exactly what you did. Now go to your room!


All she wanted was some gravy!


I told you to go to your room!


You're gonna spend the night alone.


Nell, I don't care what you say.


We've got to do something about that kid.


I agree.


Maybe you better go upstairs


And calm her down, debbie jo.


Take care, now. All right. Drive carefully.


Don't worry. We're insured.


Nell hi. Where you going?


Nell, I got a daughter upstairs who's talking to the air.


I got to do something about it.


Chief, you don't want to go up there.


Why not?


Debbie jo's taking a nap.


Don't look in my treasure chest.


You're my best friend,


But you still shouldn't be looking in that stuff.


It's all very personal --


All the things that I love.


Okay, you can see.


[ Footsteps approaching ]


Oh, no. It's dad.


You stay right on the bed and don't move.


[ Knock on door ]


Who is it?


It's me -- your father.


How do I know that?


You can tell by my fingerprints.


I don't have your fingerprints.


You'll find them all over your fanny


If you don't open this door.


Samantha, I came up here to tell you once and for all --


Debbie jo does not exist.


How do you know?


'Cause I can't see her.


If you can't see someone, they don't exist.


What about god?


Well, god is different. He exists.


How do you know?


I've seen pictures of him.


Old guy, , ...


Caucasian, medium build...


Sitting on a throne


With a spotlight in back of his head.


Dad, those are paintings.


Well, I admit, actual photographs are pretty rare,


But god's a pretty busy fella.


He doesn't have time to sit around all day


Posing for pictures.


He's got miracles to do, rain to make,


A lot of tough decisions -- who lives, who dies...


Who goes bald.


Dad, I believe in god.


The problem is, you don't believe in debbie jo.


Look...


It's all over our money -- "in god we trust."


Not a word about debbie jo.


Dad, debbie jo plays with me.


She likes the same things I do.


She's my best friend in the whole world.



You know, samantha...


You're the last one I expected


To flip out on me like this.


Your sisters -- well, that's another story.


But you and i, we've always been on the same wavelength.


We played catch together. We went to ball games.


We watched "attack of the k*ller tomatoes" six times.


Come here.


Why don't you come sit on my lap like you used to


Before you got too big?


Dad, I didn't get too big.


Your lap got too small.


Samantha, please...


Why don't you give up your little friend here, huh?


I can't.


Well, you remember that you wanted a dog?


I'll buy you one. I'll buy you two dogs.


I'll buy you a dog to walk your dogs.


What do you say, huh, sweetheart?


Dad, you're sitting on debbie jo's foot!


Damn it, samantha! You need a head shrinker!


There is no debbie jo!


There never was, and there never will be.


Now, where did you say she was? Here, huh?


Here? Right there, huh?


Hi, I'm debbie jo -- flying!


Daddy! Please stop!


How do you like this, huh, debbie?


Huh?


Oh, I'm sorry, debbie jo! Am I hurting you, huh?


Oh, well, maybe you like this better, huh?


Dad! Dad!


Oh, your head is loose, huh?


Well, let me tighten it up.


Oh, it came off, huh?


Here! Here, have a leg and make a wish!


No!


There. You look tired, debbie jo.


I'll get you a chair.


I hate you! You're gonna k*ll her!


Samantha, come back here!


I hate you!


Nell!


Nell samantha, come over here. Come on.


Now, you keep out of this, nell.


Not on your life. I want to talk to samantha.


Chief, listen.


You set one foot inside of this room,


And tomorrow's headlines are gonna read,


"Beautiful black woman stomps white cop into yogurt."


I hate him, nell.


I hate him!


Don't say that. It's not true.


Yes, it is.


He's my own father,


And he wants to send me to a head shrinker.


I don't want to be a shrunken head.


I don't want to wind up hanging on a mirror


In some guy's car.


Oh, sweetheart, I don't think that's what he meant


By "head shrinker."


You see, it's just another way of saying psychiatrist.


Psychiatrist?


What would a psychiatrist do?


Well, see, he fixes your head,


And then he charges you an arm and a leg.


This really stinks. My own father thinks I'm crazy.


Everyone thinks I'm crazy.


I bet that's why julie doesn't play with me.


It's like she's not my sister anymore --


Calling me names all the time.


"Sorry, squirt." "Maybe later, nutso."


She won't go swimming with me anymore or to the movies.


She's always too busy chasing boys


Or stuffing kleenex down her bra.


Oh, now I see.


So that's why debbie jo never grows up, isn't it?


Nell, I'm talking about julie, not debbie jo.


Oh, but I think they're the same.


No, they're not.


Yes, they are.


Debbie jo's terrific.


Julie's a jerk.


Oh, my poor baby.


Samantha, you know what's happening?


You see, julie is growing up,


And now she's going out on dates.


And you're hurt and you're angry


Because you feel like she's leaving you behind.


That's not it. Yes, it is.


No, it's not.


It's pretty crummy. I wouldn't do it to her.


But, honey, julie can't help it.


Look, she's just growing up.


Everybody has to grow up.


You know, you can't stay a kid forever.


But I'm all alone.


I need debbie jo. She's all I've got.


Baby...


As long as you have debbie jo,



You can't have your father,


You can't have your sisters, and you can't have me.


Honey, you've got to go out,


And you've got to find some new friends,


Some real friends.


If you stay in that fantasy world too long,


Pretty soon you just won't be able to tell


Which world is which.


What am I supposed to do?


Well, you tell her to go. Tell debbie jo to go.


What if she won't go?


She will.


Look, I'm gonna leave you two alone for a while, okay?


Sweetheart...


If you really want her to go --


And I mean you really want her to go --


She will, okay?


[ Sniffles ]


I'm sorry, debbie jo.


[ Sighs ]


But I think we're gonna have to say goodbye now.


I don't really know how to explain...


But I don't think we're gonna be able to play anymore.


[ Voice breaking ] it's not that I don't love you.


Don't cry, debbie jo.


You won't be all alone.


See, my mom's picture's in here.


I know you're gonna like my mom.


She'll take real good care of you.


I promise.


You're really gonna like her.


She's the best mom that ever was,


Especially if you're just a kid.


I think I'm gonna have to make some new friends now.


I love you!


Goodbye.


[ Crying ]


[ Lock snaps ]


[ Lock snaps ]


Nell!


Here I am, baby. Come here.


[ Crying ]


I am so proud of you, you know that?


[ Sniffles ]


Everything okay?


Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Well, will somebody please fill me in?


What's going on now?


Nothing.


You know, just woman talk.


Oh.


Well, don't stay up too late, huh?


[ Door closes ]


That'll get him every time.


Come on, let's talk about some boys, honey.