BY: DAVID FISHER
Part One
Original Air Date: 25 November 1978
Running time: 24:53
DOCTOR: Rook to bishop's four.
DOCTOR: I saw Capablanca make that move against Alekhine in 1927.
K9: He lost, master.
DOCTOR: Who?
K9: Capablanca.
DOCTOR: Are you sure?
K9: Master, I have been programmed with all the Championship games since 1866. Capablanca lost.
DOCTOR: I must have been called away. Are you really sure?
K9: King to knight's two.
DOCTOR: King to knight's two. King? That's a terrible move. You've weakened the king's side.
K9: Clock, master.
DOCTOR: I know, I know. I'll check your programming sometime. We're not supposed to be playing draughts, you know.
K9: Master.
ROMANA: What are you doing, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Shush. We're playing chess.
ROMANA: Yes, I can see that, but aren't you forgetting something?
DOCTOR: I don't think so.
ROMANA: What about our task? The Key to Time, remember?
DOCTOR: Oh, that old thing.
ROMANA: Yes, that old thing. The Guardian did stress the need for urgency, didn't he?
DOCTOR: Shush.
ROMANA: I'll do it.
DOCTOR: If you must.
DOCTOR: I just feel I deserve a little break. After all, we've got half the segments. I prefer to play chess.
ROMANA: Really. Materialisation in fifteen seconds. Mate in twelve.
K9: Correction, mistress. Eleven.
ROMANA: Eleven? Oh yes. Sorry, K9.
K9: Apologies are unnecessary, mistress.
DOCTOR: Mate in eleven? Oh yes, oh yes. Well, that's the trouble with chess, isn't it. It's all so predictable.
ROMANA: Materialisation commencing now. Five, four, three, two, one.
ROMANA: Was that smooth enough for you, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Hmm?
ROMANA: I said, was that smooth enough?
DOCTOR: Mate in eleven? What, have we arrived? Oh good. Where?
ROMANA: Tara.
DOCTOR: Tara?
ROMANA: Earth-type gravity, oxygen atmosphere, climate, temperate.
DOCTOR: Ah. Peaceful looking place. That shouldn't give you too much trouble.
ROMANA: Me?
DOCTOR: I think it's rather beautiful, don't you? Very good for. Yes, I think it would be.
ROMANA: What?
DOCTOR: Shouldn't you be getting changed?
ROMANA: Oh yes, all right.
ROMANA: Tara, Tara. Tahiti?
ROMANA: No. Tally ho. Tara!
ROMANA (OOV.): What are you looking for?
DOCTOR: Well, it's in here somewhere.
ROMANA (OOV.): I said, what are you looking for?
DOCTOR: Aha! Aha! Goody. Gosh, that takes me back.
DOCTOR: Or forward. That's the trouble with time travel, you can never remember.
ROMANA (OOV.): What is it?
DOCTOR: Last time I used this, I was with Isaak Walton. Yes. Yes, it's all here.
ROMANA: Well, how do you like it? Good. According to our records, it's what everyone on Tara's wearing this year. Isn't that right, K9?
K9: Affirmative.
ROMANA: Aha.
DOCTOR: Aha.
ROMANA: Where are you going?
DOCTOR: Fishing.
ROMANA: Fishing? What's fishing?
DOCTOR: Fishing? It's an art, worthy of the knowledge and practise of a wise man. Isaak Walton
ROMANA: Look, we haven't got time for you to practise anything. We've got to find the fourth segment.
DOCTOR: You find it. I'm taking the day off.
ROMANA: The day off?
DOCTOR: Yes. After a journey of four hundred years and twelve parsecs, I'm allowed a rest of fifty years.
ROMANA: Where does it say that?
DOCTOR: Section ninety three, paragraph two, laws governing Time Lords. You look it up. Go on.
ROMANA: What? You just made that up.
ROMANA: But you can't just spent the fifty years fishing.
DOCTOR: Well, of course not. I'd get bored. I just propose to spend the next couple of hours fishing.
ROMANA: But what about the fourth segment?
DOCTOR: You get it.
ROMANA: Right, I will.
DOCTOR: Yes, you do that. It's a lovely day, beautiful countryside. The walk will do you good.
ROMANA: Thank you.
DOCTOR: Would you just mind standing aside, please? You're casting a shadow. It frightens the fish.
ROMANA: Frightens the fish. Look, I'm going to get that fourth segment and I'll be back here in under an hour. You be ready to leave.
DOCTOR: Yes.
GRENDEL: Here, beast!
GRENDEL: It's incredible!
ROMANA: I don't know how to thank you. If you hadn't have come along when you did, that beast would have got me. What's your name?
GRENDEL: My name? Er, you're not damaged in any way?
ROMANA: No, no, I just stumbled slightly, that's all.
GRENDEL: Your head isn't injured?
ROMANA: No, I don't think so. There's no harm done. I'm sorry if you're somebody frightfully important, but I'm a stranger here, you see. My name's Romana.
GRENDEL: Ah, the fair Romana. That's a pretty name.
ROMANA: Thank you. Tell me, are there many creatures like that around here? I understood that the fauna of Tara were supposed to be friendly.
GRENDEL: I always keep some beasts in my woods to hunt, but they don't usually attack people unless they're frightened in some way.
ROMANA: Your woods?
GRENDEL: Yes. These are part of the estates of Gracht. What a curiously shaped stone.
ROMANA: Yes.
GRENDEL: Oh, have you hurt your ankle?
ROMANA: No, no, it's nothing, really. Could I have my stone, please?
GRENDEL: Of course, as soon as its been registered.
ROMANA: Registered?
GRENDEL: Yes. Do you not know the law?
ROMANA: No. As I said, I'm a stranger here.
GRENDEL: The law decrees that all minerals, particularly unusual ones like of this kind, must be registered with the Knight of Castle Gracht.
ROMANA: Who's that?
GRENDEL: Me. I am Count Grendel, Knight of Gracht, Master of the Sword.
ROMANA: Oh, I see.
GRENDEL: What's happened to the statue?
ROMANA: Is it important?
GRENDEL: Only to superstitious fools.
ROMANA: Oh?
GRENDEL: It's our family emblem. At least, it was. It's supposed to guard our fortunes. How very odd.
ROMANA: Look, I'm sorry, but I really must
GRENDEL: It's of no importance. What is important is to get that ankle of your attended to.
ROMANA: It's nothing, really.
GRENDEL: I shall take you to my castle. My steward can register your stone while my surgeon attends to your injury.
ROMANA: Look, it's very kind of you, but I really couldn't
GRENDEL: Then I shall provide you with a mount and an escort to take you wherever you wish.
ROMANA: It's just a question of time.
GRENDEL: An hour, no more. What's an hour out of your life?
GRENDEL: I shall not take no for an answer.
ROMANA: What's that? Is it yours?
GRENDEL: My favourite charger. Strong as a tree and swift as the wind.
ROMANA: Well, how does it go? What makes it work?
GRENDEL: Good heavens, I don't know, my dear.
ROMANA: You don't?
GRENDEL: I'm a knight, not a farrier.
DOCTOR: Do you mind not standing on my chest? My hat's on fire. I don't think we've met before.
ZADEK: Who are you?
DOCTOR: Hmm?
ZADEK: Who are you?
DOCTOR: Call me Doctor.
ZADEK: What are you doing here?
DOCTOR: Oh, fishing.
ZADEK: This is Prince Reynart's hunting estate.
DOCTOR: What? Prince Reynart?
ZADEK: Yes.
DOCTOR: I've never heard of him. Decent sort of chap, is he?
FARRAH: Shall I k*ll him, Swordmaster?
DOCTOR: No, no, that won't be necessary.
DOCTOR: Good heavens, electrically charged. The control's in the hilt, I see.
ZADEK: You know about such things?
DOCTOR: Well, I've travelled.
FARRAH: He said he was a doctor.
ZADEK: You know about machines, electronics?
DOCTOR: A little.
ZADEK: You don't look like a peasant.
DOCTOR: Well, of course not. I've travelled.
ZADEK: But you have certain skills. Can you mend an android?
DOCTOR: What? What did you just say?
ZADEK: An android.
DOCTOR: I thought you said an android. What's wrong with it?
ZADEK: It won't go.
DOCTOR: Why don't you just try your local android dealer?
FARRAH: Shall I k*ll him now, Swordmaster?
DOCTOR: Look, that isn't necessary. You see, I'd really love to help you out but I'm frightfully busy and where is this android?
GRENDEL: There is Castle Gracht, my dear.
ROMANA: It's beautiful.
GRENDEL: It's the ancient home of the Grendels of Gracht. And it's quite, quite escape-proof, I'm glad to say.
TILL: My lord is come! Open the gate!
GRENDEL: There, that wasn't too bad, was it?
ROMANA: There's no need to carry me. I can still walk.
TILL: Master.
GRENDEL: Fetch Madame Lamia.
TILL: Master.
GRENDEL: She's my surgeon. Come, my dear.
GRENDEL: There.
ROMANA: Oh, thank you. You won't forget to register my stone, will you?
GRENDEL: What?
ROMANA: My stone.
GRENDEL: Oh, no, no, of course not, my dear.
LAMIA: I got your message.
GRENDEL: Oh, Romana, my dear, this is Madame Lamia, my surgeon-engineer.
ROMANA: Hello. Engineer?
LAMIA: I don't believe it.
ROMANA: What's the matter?
LAMIA: It's incredible. It's a marvellous job. Who did it?
GRENDEL: The question is not so much who, my dear, as why.
LAMIA: I'm a peasant. I leave politics to my betters.
GRENDEL: Very wise of you, my dear.
ROMANA: Now look, I don't know what all this is about, but I must
GRENDEL: Restrain her.
LAMIA: What do you want me to do with her, my lord?
GRENDEL: Well, we can't have her running around the kingdom. Disassemble her. We can cannibalise her for parts.
ROMANA: What parts? Now, wait a minute.
GRENDEL: I should like to keep the head. You're right, it really is quite remarkable.
DOCTOR: Ahem, you're standing on my scarf.
FARRAH: I'm terribly sorry.
DOCTOR: If you don't stop burning my scarf, you're going to have to k*ll me.
REYNART: Doctor, you must forgive Swordsman Farrah. He tends to get overenthusiastic in the pursuit of his duties.
DOCTOR: Perhaps he does
REYNART: But particularly in defence of his prince.
DOCTOR: Well, maybe he does get too enthusiastic in the course of his duty. What about my scarf?
ZADEK: Peasant, you will speak with respect when you address Prince Reynart of Tara.
DOCTOR: I told you, I'm not a peasant.
REYNART: But you do know about androids.
DOCTOR: Well, that depends.
ZADEK: On what?
REYNART: On how we treat him, obviously.
REYNART: So you're not a peasant.
DOCTOR: No.
REYNART: Very well, I'll make you an offer. One thousand gold pieces if you can mend our android.
DOCTOR: One thousand gold pieces? Pfft. Do you think you can buy me for money? Ha! Five hundred.
REYNART: Done.
DOCTOR: Suppose I can't mend the android?
ZADEK: Then we shall give you to Swordsman Farrah for sword practice.
REYNART: No, we won't, Zadek. This man is obviously a gentleman. If he can mend our android, we shall reward him. If he cannot, you have my word, Doctor, you will come to no harm. You may go free.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
REYNART: Wait. The android?
DOCTOR: Oh yes, yes. Where? Excuse me.
REYNART: There he is, Doctor.
GRENDEL: I always enjoy watching you work, my dear.
LAMIA: Thank you, my lord. I shall make the cut here.
GRENDEL: Excellent.
ROMANA: Count, far be it from me to query this lady's competency as a doctor, but where I come from you don't cut off the patient's head if you wish to cure their ankle!
LAMIA: Ankle?
GRENDEL: Yes, there was supposed to be something wrong with its ankle.
LAMIA: It's swollen.
ROMANA: Well, what did you expect?
LAMIA: Extraordinary. If I didn't know better, my lord.
LAMIA: She is not an android.
GRENDEL: What?
LAMIA: She is real.
ROMANA: Brilliant.
GRENDEL: Well, you can keep your head, my dear. I may have a better use for it.
DOCTOR: That's not bad. I have seen better.
REYNART: Don't you sometimes wish, Zadek, that our fathers had permitted us to learn peasant skills?
ZADEK: No, your highness. If we'd have meant to have been peasants, we'd have been born peasants.
REYNART: Perhaps you're right, Zadek. Well, Doctor, can it be fixed?
DOCTOR: Well, that depends. Fixed for what?
REYNART: Zadek.
REYNART: For one thing, it must wear this.
DOCTOR: Why?
REYNART: Tomorrow, at the appropriate hour fixed by the astrologers, in the great Coronation room of the Palace of Tara, I am to be crowned King.
DOCTOR: Well, congratulations.
REYNART: They will be in order if I get there.
DOCTOR: Why? What's to stop you?
REYNART: Count Grendel of Gracht.
DOCTOR: What?
REYNART: He'll k*ll me if he needs to. After all, you can't crown a dead Prince. Grendel and his men will be watching every entrance to the palace to prevent my getting to the Coronation room at the ordained time.
DOCTOR: So?
REYNART: If I fail to appear at the right moment, I forfeit my right to the crown.
DOCTOR: Ah. And that's when Grendel of Gracht steps in?
REYNART: The only other contender for the throne is the Princess Strella, but she disappeared some time ago. Nobody knows where she is.
DOCTOR: Where does George come into all this?
ZADEK: There have been three attempts on his Highness's life already. The next one could be successful.
DOCTOR: Ah, I see. Let them attack George here instead of the Prince.
REYNART: Precisely. We use George, the android copy of me to create a diversion, to distract their attention.
DOCTOR: And draw their fire.
REYNART: To draw their fire, while we slip past the guards into the Coronation room. What do you think, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Well, it has been done before.
LAMIA: I don't like it.
GRENDEL: I'm not asking you to like it, just do it.
LAMIA: Is it wise? Think of the risk.
GRENDEL: You question my commands?
LAMIA: No, my lord, of course not.
GRENDEL: Then do what I tell you or I shall have you flogged, and don't imagine that I won't.
LAMIA: Yes, my lord.
ROMANA: What are you doing? What? No! Please, no! Ah.
GEORGE: Congratulations, Doctor. Thank you. And now if you will forgive me, gentlemen, I must retire.
GEORGE: Goodnight, gentlemen.
REYNART: Excellent! Farrah, bring wine. Do you know, it's quite eerie seeing oneself walk and talk like that. I never thought I'd see that thing going again.
DOCTOR: Well, it'll do for now, but if I'd had the proper tools I could have done a much better job.
REYNART: It's good enough to fool Grendel and his men, don't you think so, Zadek?
ZADEK: I hope so, your Highness, for our sake.
REYNART: Oh, Zadek, always the pessimist. Thank you, Doctor.
DOCTOR: My pleasure.
REYNART: Zadek.
ZADEK: Five hundred gold pieces.
REYNART: You wouldn't be interested in permanent employment, would you, Doctor?
DOCTOR: No, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm otherwise engaged.
REYNART: Pity. Still, you will stay and drink a toast to our success for tomorrow, won't you?
DOCTOR: All right.
REYNART: One of our local wines. Modest, demure, but palatable. Join us, Farrah.
FARRAH: Thank you, your Highness.
DOCTOR: You look better without your helmet.
FARRAH: Cooler, anyway.
ZADEK: With your permission, your Highness. To the King.
DOCTOR: To the King.
FARRAH: To the King.
REYNART: Not yet. Tomorrow, perhaps, thanks to the Doctor.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
FARRAH: To the Doctor.
REYNART: The Doctor.
FARRAH: Your Highness?
DOCTOR: Potent stuff.
`
The Doctor
Tom Baker
Romana/Princess Strella
Mary Tamm
Voice of K9
John Leeson
Prince Reynart
Neville Jason
Count Grendel
Peter Jeffrey
Zadek
Simon Lack
Farrah
Paul Lavers
Madam Lamia
Lois Baxter
Kurster
Martin Matthews
Till
Declan Mulholland
Archimandrite
Cyril Shaps
Writer
David Fisher
Assistant Floor Manager
Rosemary Webb
Costumes
Doreen James
Designer
Valerie Warrender
Fight Arranger
Terry Walsh
Film Cameraman
John Walker
Film Editor
David Yates
Incidental Music
Dudley Simpson
Make-Up
Jill Hagger
Production Assistant
Teresa-Mary Winders
Special Sounds
d*ck Mills
Studio Lighting
Brian Clemett
Studio Sound
Richard Chubb
Title Music
Ron Grainer and the BBC Radiophonic Workshop
arranged by Delia Derbyshire
Visual Effects
Len Hutton
Production Unit Manager
John Nathan-Turner
Script Editor
Anthony Read
Producer
Graham Williams
Director
Michael Hayes
Tom Baker
Romana/Princess Strella
Mary Tamm
Voice of K9
John Leeson
Prince Reynart
Neville Jason
Count Grendel
Peter Jeffrey
Zadek
Simon Lack
Farrah
Paul Lavers
Madam Lamia
Lois Baxter
Kurster
Martin Matthews
Till
Declan Mulholland
Archimandrite
Cyril Shaps
Writer
David Fisher
Assistant Floor Manager
Rosemary Webb
Costumes
Doreen James
Designer
Valerie Warrender
Fight Arranger
Terry Walsh
Film Cameraman
John Walker
Film Editor
David Yates
Incidental Music
Dudley Simpson
Make-Up
Jill Hagger
Production Assistant
Teresa-Mary Winders
Special Sounds
d*ck Mills
Studio Lighting
Brian Clemett
Studio Sound
Richard Chubb
Title Music
Ron Grainer and the BBC Radiophonic Workshop
arranged by Delia Derbyshire
Visual Effects
Len Hutton
Production Unit Manager
John Nathan-Turner
Script Editor
Anthony Read
Producer
Graham Williams
Director
Michael Hayes