04x01 - The Send-Off

[bunniefuu]

Kids, they'll be here soon.

Kids?

- You ready?
- [footsteps approaching]

Oh, you look lovely.

You okay?

[groans] I can't do this up.

- Let's have a look.
- [sighs]

Mum normally does it. [sighs]

I know she does, darling,
but she's not here.

There you go.

Come here now.

[sighs] It's gonna be
a tough day, all right?

But we'll get through it together.

[kisses]

Hello. Hey, I got more tissues,

made some nice friends. [sighs]

Crying in public is just a great way
to meet new people.

Oh, my gosh. I can't believe
I nearly missed a hug.

Mmm.

[inhales sharply] Right.

Are we ready for this?

- Not really.
- Not at all. No.

No. No, me neither. [inhales sharply]

There you go.

You okay?

I can't do this on my own, Nikki.

But you're not on your own. I'm here.

I just... [inhales deeply]

Give it here.

[sighs] I can never open 'em.

- There you go, sweetheart. Where's Scott?
- Thank you.

- Oh, he's parking the car.
- Oh.

- Will it be okay here?
- Yeah, no. Mine's never been stolen.

[chuckles] Oh, I know. But you've got a...

Okay.

[sighs] I've ran and got
plenty of tissues anyway.

Why? Are you ill?

- No, it's 'cause of the... [sighs]
- [doorbell rings]

Oh... [sighs] ...that might be Mum. Bless her.

- [Nikki] Oh.
- [Jason] Hi, Karen.

- Hiya.
- Thank you.

[inhales deeply, sighs] Come here.

[Karen] Oh, we're hugging again. Great.

Hi, Jill, love. [sighs] You all right?

I'm sorry I'm late,
but John always used to drive.

I'm not used to doing
everything on me own.

No, it's okay. Don't worry.

- [grunts] Life of its own. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]

You all right, John? How's the arm?

Yeah, fine.

This one hurts quite a lot though.

Okay, come on.

- [Vic sighs]
- Hi. Uh, you okay, mate?

Did you get my message?

- I did, yeah. No one's gonna hug you.
- Good.

We know today must be hard for you.

- Why?
- A funeral.

Must bring back memories of Sandra's.

It's been two years.

[clicks tongue] Oh, Vic.

[inhales deeply] Is he all right?

- [sighs]
- [inhales deeply]

- He misses Freddy.
- Yeah.

Okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

You know you can still talk to him.

I'm not doing that, Nikki. It's mad.

He never puts his data roaming on
when he's in Mykonos.

It'll cost me a bloody fortune.

Okay. We've got to go. Otherwise,
I'll start hugging your dad again.

- Yep.
- [sighs] All right.

Shall we?

{\an8}- [Vic] Yeah, let's... let's... let's go.
- [Nikki] Yeah. Okay.

Guys, we don't know how many people
are gonna be there, all right?

But that doesn't mean
that she wasn't loved.

Just remember, it's not about
how many people love you,

it's about how deeply...

- [gasps, shushes]
- ...the ones that love...

- Wow.
- [chuckles]

[chuckles]

[sighs]

- No.
- What?

No, I don't think she's gonna turn up.

- Who's this, then?
- But we don't know that.

- Who we talking about?
- It's been way too long.

- Who's that, then?
- Kat.

[shushes]

Tyler and Princess's birth mum.

Every birthday and Christmas
we worry that she's gonna turn up...

- And she never does.
- But, Jase, it's her mum's funeral.

Yeah, but no one's
heard from her for years.

Even Bev couldn't find her, bless her.

And do you know what?
I doubt we'd even recognize her.

- [stammers] Well...
- Okay, she's brought a photograph.

- That's great.
- No. I always carry it with me.

Well, that's not any better.

Look, she's not gonna turn up. Ever.

Oh, don't. That's when someone
does show up though, isn't it?

Like when you say something like that,
like, right in that moment.

Boo.

Where's, um...

- Okay, say the opposite.
- What?

Say the opposite.
He's right, it's out there now.

- Oh, my God.
- It's tempting fate. Untempt fate.

Do you know what?
I really think Kat's gonna come back.

In fact, I'm... I'm very worried about it.

- Okay. It's better.
- Yeah? Is that better?

- [chuckling] Yeah.
- Okay.

- Oh, will you go and speak to Barry?
- Who's Barry?

Barry. Bev's friend. From the hospital.

Oh, no. Please don't
make me talk to that guy.

- No, he's terrifying.
- No, he's lovely.

That's just his demeanor.
He's old East End.

- He's dangerous.
- No, he's not dangerous.

He's gonna s*ab me.

He's not gonna s*ab you
if you don't give him a reason to.

Yes.

Is she a bit young for a funeral?

She's five.

God, you sound like
the people at the archery center.

[pipe organ playing]

Should we sit there?

I always worry about my phone going off,
so I've put it on silent.

Oh, okay.

I left it in the car.

[clicks tongue] Well,
you'll probably be okay then.

[sniffles]

[inhales deeply, sighs]

[guest] Jessica.

What's that?

It's Bev's dead body in a box.

[Stevie whimpers, sniffles, cries]

[door closes]

{\an8}[pipe organ stops]

{\an8}We are gathered here today
to celebrate the life of Beverly Reid.

If I could ask everyone to stand
for "Angels" by Robbie Williams.

- [pipe organ playing]
- Oh, bloody hell.

♪ I sit and wait ♪

♪ Does an angel contemplate my fate ♪

We knew our gran, and then we didn't,

- and then we did again.
- [chuckles]

She was the funniest,
fieriest person I have ever met...

So Bev, or should I say, the Beast of Bow,

as she was known due to her
career at the local abattoir.

Having achieved all she could
in the world of wholesale meat slaughter,

Bev made something of a gear change,
heading to America with her mandolin.

Escaping on foot after being kidnapped
on the Burmese border.

A passion for flamenco dancing
that led her to Buenos Aires

- and into the arms of her third husband...
- What?

...the choreographer Emiliano Núñez.

What's he saying? It's not true.

[vicar] And to finish, a short message
from the lady herself.

[gasps]

Right. So, did he read all that nonsense?

[crowd laughs]

No, he's a nice boy, but he kept
emailing me for something to say.

So, I got Gloria
to write some old rubbish.

I know she's got a tale in her
'cause I've seen her tax returns.

[crowd laughs]

Anyway, I've already said what needs
saying to the people it needs saying to.

There's a 500 quid tab
at The Tap and Bells under my name.

So, I'll thank you all for coming
and have a drink on me.

♪ And through it all ♪

♪ She offers me protection ♪

♪ A lot of love and affection ♪

♪ Whether I'm right or wrong ♪

You okay?

I miss her.

Yeah?

Do you wanna take something
to remember her by?

The order of service maybe or...

[Jason] Hmm.

Well, we did say she'd always be with us.

Yeah.

Hello, Scott's phone and Scott.

[chuckles] Nope.

Scott. Come on.

Yep.

Oh, I'm... I'm gonna stop you
right there, sir.

I'm very, very happy
with the broadband deal I've got.

[bar patrons] ♪ Enjoy, enjoy yourself
Enjoy yourself ♪

♪ It's later than you think ♪

♪ Enjoy yourself
It's later than you think ♪

♪ Enjoy yourself
While you're still in the pink ♪

♪ The years go by ♪

Look at this.

♪ As quickly as a wink ♪

♪ Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself
It's later than you think ♪

Oh, no, it's one of them. [sighs]

♪ Enjoy yourself
While you're still in the pink ♪

Ooh. Bit rough in here.

♪ The years go by... ♪

- Aw, this is so lovely.
- [Jason] Yeah.

Just the whole community coming together.

- Every single person is just so happy.
- Right.

Give me the nod
when you wanna make a move.

- And he's gone. Okay.
- [chuckling]

Lenny. Landlord.

- How are ya, mate?
- How are ya?

- Yeah, Jason. There's Nikki. Princess.
- Hello. Hi. [chuckles]

- Hi.
- Now, listen,

I know the old girl meant the world to ya.

So, we're gonna be
seeing her off in style.

I got a piano man
who knows 250 cockney songs.

Ooh.

It's not all that, sweetheart.
They all use the same three chords.

Oh.

Now, a few pointers for keeping safe.

Don't look at Mikey,

but if it does happen,
don't look away first.

Go to the toilet in twos.

And whatever you do,
don't ask Dean what he was inside for.

He don't mind talking about it,
you just don't wanna know.

- Okay. Can we have, um, two... He's gone.
- Oh! Excuse me.

[Tyler] Mom?

- I can't get through with Bev.
- Oh, for God's sake. Tyler! Sorry. Tyler.

Okay, just... Sorry.
Just sit her over there.

- [inhales sharply] Dad?
- Yeah?

[inhales sharply] I never told her
I loved her.

She was already scared, and I just thought
if people start doing out of character,

"I love yous," she's gonna know
something's wrong.

[sighs]

But I wish I had.

She knew.

Really?

Yeah.

Of course, she did.

They always know.

When was the last time
you told your dad you loved him?

My dad? [chuckles]

No. He's an old cat
that doesn't like to be stroked.

You've never told your dad you love him?

- Um...
- Are you serious?

Do you even have conversations?

Yeah.

"What's the score?" is not a conversation.

He's probably dying to talk to someone,
especially today.

[Lenny] Come on.
Come on, come on. In you get.

[Princess] What's going on?

Yep. So, that's an 18-month contract,
and you'll clarify the smart hub?

That's great. That's great. Thank you.
Yeah. No. Well, no.

Do you know what? That's a real weight off
actually. Yeah. [chuckles] Okay.

Thank you. Thank you.

Yes, and I will, uh,
see you next Thursday.

Okay. Thank you. Thanks again. Bye-bye.

[breathes heavily] Uh, right.

- There he is.
- [patron] Hey.

Right.

[Nikki] Oh, my God.

- This is all from Bev. Help yourselves.
- [Nikki scoffs]

{\an8}[Jason] Bloody hell.
How did she afford all this?

Well, when she knew the end was near,
she maxed out her credit cards.

They write it all off once you peg it,
but she forgot no one.

She got Paul a new knee.

She flew Neil's sister
over from Australia,

and she paid for Emily's defense lawyers.

She's as good as gold
when she's off the gear, but when's that?

You know what I mean?

I mean, this is so generous... [chuckles]

...but I don't... I don't think
I feel quite right...

Oh, my God. Is that an air fryer?

You all right, Mum?

Shall I go and get Dad
to help you with those?

He accidentally looked at Mikey.
So, he's gone to sit in the car.

- Okay.
- Ooh!

[dance music playing]

- How you doing? You okay?
- I'm... Yeah, good.

- Yeah. Aw.
- Good. Yeah, man. [chuckles]

Absolute salt of the earth.

Well, you probably know
that better than I,

but, uh, she will be missed, hmm?

Let's see the old girl off in style,
shall we?

Um, let me get some champagne
for me and my... my friend.

Ah, nice one.

- Thanks, mate. I appreciate that.
- Of course, of course.

And, uh, if we could put it
on the tab for Bev.

- Bev?
- Bev.

Hey, can you start a tab for Bev?

- To Bev.
- To Bev.

- Well? [sighs]
- Well, what?

Go and tell your dad you love him.

Go.

- You all right? Yeah.
- Yeah.

I heard Chelsea might be in for Gonzalez.

- Good. I'll drive him there meself.
- Yeah.

[chuckles] Yeah. Yeah.

Look, Dad...

What?

Uh, it's okay. Nothing.

[inhales sharply] It's just that...

- Well, it's hard, isn't it?
- Yeah. Well, it is. It's four lines, see?

- More to match up.
- No, I didn't mean on the...

Back in the day,
a mate of mine had a system.

There is no system.

Got a screwdriver, took the back off,
stuck his hand in, took out all the money.

Okay. To be fair,
that is quite a good system.

Look, I just wanted to say that...

I hope we get some defensive covering
before we lose Gonzalez.

- Mmm.
- [piano playing]

Oh, sorry.

Who are you looking for?

Oh, um... [clicks tongue] ...Scott.

Yeah, Karen says
she hasn't seen him anywhere.

How do you lose someone
that tall? [chuckles] I don't know.

Oh, there you are. Excuse us.
Bev wanted Tyler to have this.

- [sighs]
- [Nikki] Ah!

- What is it?
- [Nikki] That is a computer.

Maybe the first one.

Yeah, it works well.

She didn't want her World of Warcraft
character to die with her.

And this is for you, Princess.

- She left me a car.
- What?

- [laughs]
- Oh! Wow! [chuckles]

Oh, I hope it was hers.

[line ringing]

[Scott] Hello. You're through to Scott.

Uh, leave a message, though bear in mind
I am now screen-free post 6:00 p.m.

[beeps]

Scott, where are you?

I want to go now.

They keep forcing drinks on me
and making me sing.

You know how much I hate
seeing inside people's mouths.

Oi, Dean's got you a spritzer.

Best not to keep him waiting.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

[inhales sharply] Where are you?

♪ For she's a jolly good fellow ♪

Okay, mate.

Mate, that's £538.40. Cash or card?

What's that?

♪ And so say all of us ♪

♪ For she's a jolly good... ♪

Thank you.

[bartender] All right, darling?

Ah, thanks very much. Thank you.

[clicks tongue, groans] Rough.

Have you done it yet?

- I'm building myself up to it, okay?
- Okay. Yeah. Don't rush into anything.

Maybe meet a few other dads first
before you commit.

It just feels weird saying it.

Only 'cause you haven't said it before.

Like when you were scared
to say gracias on holiday.

It'll become normal.

- I did quite enjoy that by the end.
- You were loving it.

All right.

- Off you go.
- Oi!

Ah, Princess!

Now that you have your very own motorcar,

I wonder whether I can interest you
in a disabled badge?

- Thirty quid each or two for 50.
- I'm good, thanks.

[stammers] Wait, how close
can you park to Tesco's?

Oh, you can reach out the window
and touch it, girl.

- All right, go on then.
- Let's see the money first.

Right. I wanna tell you something,

and I don't think
that I've ever said it to you before,

but on a day like today,

I just wanna tell you...
Well, don't look at that. Look at me.

I just wanna tell you...

Actually, no, that's a mistake.
Can you keep looking at that? Yeah.

I wanna tell you that...

Ah, you know what? It's fine, mate.
Don't worry about it.

Uh, what's the latest on Gonzalez?

Gonzalez. Oh, he's, uh...
he's gonna stay actually.

- Oh. Okay. Mmm.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [inhales deeply]

Yeah. He, uh... He's not perfect, is he?

But he does try.

I hope you know that, Dad.
[stammers] I mean, he really tries.

Yeah. Yeah. I-I know.

I think the thing with him is that it's,
um... it's a communication issue, isn't it?

You know, he doesn't...
doesn't really speak the language.

Well, he's not the only one.

I think it's hard for 'em to pick it up...

when they start late.

- Don't come natural.
- Yeah.

And even if he can't say it...

I hope that people can tell that he cares.

Well, I can tell.

I love Pablo Gonzalez.

I love Pablo Gonzalez too.

- [Nikki] Have you seen Scott?
- What?

- No one's seen him since...
- No.

What's the matter?

Nothing's the matter.
You wouldn't understand.

- It's just football.
- Yes, football.

- Yeah.
- Hmm. All right.

Anyway, we should probably
be making a move...

- Yes.
- ...shouldn't we, uh...

- [Lenny] Making a move?
- What?

You've only been here two hours.

- Is that not quite a long time?
- [stammers] Yeah.

Emily spent longer than that
at Mickey Falcone's funeral.

And the word is
she was the one that shot him.

[stammers] You need to stay.

There's still some people
you need to have a drink with.

- We... We can. Yeah.
- That's not what we agreed on.

- Here we go. These are for you.
- Ooh! [chuckles]

- And these are for the kids.
- No, they can't drink these.

- Tyler's 12.
- Oh, course.

- Dave, a couple of straws.
- [Dave] Coming up.

All right, nobody's leaving.

Earl, from the top, my son.

Let's sing loud enough
for Bev to hear us, hey?

Ladies and gentlemen, it's a lock-in!

♪ Enjoy yourself
It's later than you think ♪

♪ Enjoy yourself
While you're still in the pink ♪

♪ The years go by, as quickly as a wink ♪

♪ Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself
It's later than you... ♪

[pants]

That's it.

[Nikki] Okay, that's it.

Take him. Take him
before he catches our scent.

[grunts] I need some help.

Okay, lovely. Got you. Okay.

Oh, bloody hell, Jase.

[Nikki] Is this it?

[sighs] Okay.

I mean, it's not exactly...

I love it!

[chuckles]

[car horn honks]

- There you go, my friend.
- Cheers.

I'm Lenny, by the way.

Vic.

Your fruit machine's buggered, Lenny.

[slot machine dinging]

Oh! [chuckles]

[chuckles] I'm having a lovely day.

Yep. Yep. Yep, yep, yep.

Definitely needs a bit of love.
I mean, look.

That crankshaft there,
that's seen better days.

It's okay, Jase. We're married now.

You can stop pretending
you know about engines.

I mean, I know they shouldn't
have birds nesting in them.

[Nikki, Jason speaking indistinctly]

[Princess] Mum?

- You okay?
- Yeah. Yeah. All good.

Are you okay?

- Yeah. Mmm.
- Yeah?

Look, if Kat didn't come back today,
then she's never coming back.

I think we can afford
to relax a little bit now.

It's been six years,
and I'm still so scared of losing them.

I know. I am too.

But it's not gonna happen.

She's never coming back.

[inhales deeply]

[pop music playing]

[inhales deeply] Oh,
I think I was in the wrong pub.

I love you, Lenny.

I love you too, mate.

Come here. [chuckles]

Mmm.

Everything's gonna be okay.

It's just us now.

- Mmm.
- It's just us.

[sighs]

[inhales sharply]