02x06 - A Long Day Down

[bunniefuu]

As long as it's a three-bedroom flat,
we can take Princess and Tyler.

Penny said she'll know more in a week.
We have to make it amazing by then.

-Hmm.
-I need something to occupy my brain,

'cause it starts to do that fizzy thing
when I worry. [sighs]

But, yeah, I mean,
how much space does a kid need?

He sleeps here. He dresses here.

Mm-hmm.

-And this area here is for relaxing.
-Hmm. Hmm.

-You know what else we could do?
-What?

-Right. Put water...
-Yeah?

...in the paint.
Make it thinner. Apply a single coat.

That's gonna give us
an extra millimeter of space.

Exactly. See?
It's all gonna be fine, isn't it?

-It's a three-bedroom flat.
-Oh, yeah.

That was me, not the room.

Stop it, Jessie. Stop it.

Uh, Hayley, please.
There's people trying to sleep in here.

[snores]

[Jason]
Bought the wrong crisps by mistake.

These are horrible.

[chews, groans] Bloody horrible.

Oh.

I got a message from the adoption crowd.

About that party
at Ben and Denise's tonight.

With the g*ng.

I thought we could go to
take our minds off--

What has happened?

I'm on edge waiting for news,
so I thought this would distract.

Jason, I'm scared.

-What even are they?
-Pom-poms.

I told you my mind goes fizzy.

They were a happy thing at first, but, uh,

now they've become something else.

Right. Okay.

-We're going to the party.
-Okay.

-Come on.
-Yeah.

-Put it down.
-Right.

-Let's go.
-All right.

-I just...
-That's it.

[dog barking]

-[Nikki] Ooh.
-Bloody hell.

-[Nikki] Wow.
-The size of this place.

[chuckles]

-I bet they ask us to take our shoes off.
-[Nikki] Oh, I hope not. Mmm.

[knocks]

[sighs]

-Hello, welcome.
-Hello.

-[Jason] Thanks, mate.
-Come in.

-Thank you.
-Wow.

If you could just slip your shoes off.

-We're a little Japanese round here.
-Yeah.

-Oh.
-Nice socks, mate.

-Oh.
-Oh.

-They do the job.
-[chuckles]

Head on through.
g*ng's all here as they say.

Who says?

-Hey.
-Hiya.

-Hello.
-How are ya?

-Good. How are you?
-Yeah. Good, good. Oof.

Oh, no.
Oh, I hate myself in paintings, don't you?

-Yeah.
-Come on. Come through.

[Ben] Yeah, so we're at The Ivy tomorrow
night for Denise's actual birthday

and then driving down to
the south of France this weekend.

It's a ball ache,
but it's a stunning area.

Yeah.

You ever noticed how people always
say "the south of France"?

Like they want you to know it's the south.

Whereas everywhere else,
people just say the country, don't they?

Yes. Yeah, I suppose that's true, yeah.
[chuckles]

Lovely spread.

Thank you.

[Luke]
So that's two adopted kids in two years.

We were sort of tempted to go for a third.

No. [chuckles] No. Three.
You've had enough.

Leave some for the rest of us.

-Maybe a fallow year for Luke and Kwame.
-[all chuckle]

[Luke] And, uh, what about you guys?

Oh, yeah, we're getting there. We're just
waiting for final approval. [chuckles]

-[Luke] Mm-hmm.
-Hmm. That's amazing.

Yeah, we've met
some really amazing kids too.

We're just waiting to see if they pick us.

So, you know, we're just really hopeful.

-[Kwame] Hmm.
-Oh, that's great.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. [chuckles]

[people chattering]

-[Kwame] Ooh, careful!
-[Lizzie] Ooh!

-[glass shatters]
-Oh, no!

-Oh. Ooh.
-[Ben] Don't worry.

-[Denise] What's happened?
-[Lizzie] Oh, dear.

-[man] Just a mistake.
-[woman] Here. Shall I grab a broom?

-[woman] Careful.
-I hope it wasn't too expensive.

Well, it was quite expensive.

If she wasn't adopted,
I'd be mortified by this.

-[nervous chuckle]
-[chuckles]

Although not that far from...

[woman] Came from a really
strange little place in Ireland...

Sorry. Yeah.

What's going on?
Have you broken something again?

-It's them.
-Who?

-They're the other couple.
-What you mean?

It's Princess and Tyler.
Ben and Denise are the other couple.

-They're-- They're our competition.
-Oh, no.

Jason, we shouldn't even be here.
We're behind enemy lines.

If we're-- Wait. Nikki, where you going?

I wanna see the rest.
I wanna see what we're up against.

We've seen the rest of the house.
It's lovely. All right?

You don't know.
It might not be as nice upstairs.

Nikki. Nikki, you can't go up there.

[Nikki] Well, those curtains
don't match the wallpaper, so...

that's embarrassing for them.

[Jason] I can't believe
you took their adoption form.

[Nikki] No, it's okay.
I'll bring it back in the morning.

Back to their perfect house. Yeah.

In a way,
do you think it's all a bit too perfect?

-Like they're trying to hide something?
-I don't get that impression. No.

They don't even have a TV, Jase.

How are you supposed to raise a child
without a TV?

I mean, what are you gonna ban
if they're naughty?

"No TV" people are the worst people
in the whole entire world.

I know, Nikki.
They're the absolute scum of the earth,

but that doesn't mean that
they're gonna choose us and not them

because they haven't got a telly.

Yeah, I know.

It's fine.
It happens to a lot of men, I think.

We'll try again in three, four minutes.

I mean,
you do know it's not about you, right?

I know. [chuckles]
Why would it be about me?

-Huh.
-[sighs]

Have you thought about switching
to probiotic yogurt?

Oh, my God. Not everything can be solved
by switching to probiotic yogurt.

Look, you're gonna be 40. Who cares?

No, don't say that.
I find that very triggering.

Okay, you're using that word wrong again.

I'm--

Look, just do star jumps
until you feel better.

-[Freddy] What?
-Come on.

No. I wanna talk.

No, that's what your brain is expecting.

Do star jumps,
and it's like, "What the hell?" Come on.

[groans, grumbles]

Yes. Come on. Yep.

-[sighs]
-All right then, you. What's the plan?

-I think I'm gonna be honest...
-Hmm.

-...and admit that I panicked...
-Yeah.

-...and that I took it.
-I think that's a good idea.

Yeah. [clicks tongue]

I just really hoped
it would look less nice today.

No, it's just a lovely nice house
on a lovely quiet street. That's all.

Yeah, but do you think
maybe it's a bit too quiet?

Nikki, enough, please.

Yeah, I just have a feeling
that something's not right.

And if there is any chance that our--

the kids end up somewhere bad, then...

Do you think you just
want there to be something

so they can live with us and not them?

-Yeah, maybe.
-Yeah.

-Yeah.
-Yeah. Ay up.

Here he is.
Oh, look. There she is up there.

Oh, my God.
Are they gonna have afternoon sex?

-Oh, come on.
-I hate couples that rub your nose in it.

Why would we wanna see that?

-I know. Come on. Before they get started.
-Okay.

-Hang on a sec.
-What?

-Look, that fella jumping--
-Oh, my God.

What--

-Hide. Hide.
-Oh, my Go-- What? Where?

Hide, hide. Get down.

Brilliant, Jase. Like a ninja.

-You know, this is way more suspicious.
-What was that all about?

-Don't know.
-[Jason] Weird.

[sighs] Come on. Let's go.

-No, hang on a second. Let's follow him.
-What?

-What?
-Something's not right. Let's follow him.

-Are you being serious?
-I'm serious.

-Let's go!
-Oh, this is so exciting.

-All right.
-All right.

[Jason] Let's go.

-[engine starts]
-All right, yeah.

Yeah. There might be a cyclist.

Okay, "Highway Code."
Let's do it. Floor it.

Is this stalking?

No, it's not stalking. We're just
following him to see what he does.

-Maybe drop back a little bit.
-No, I don't wanna lose him.

Not an issue.

[glove box opens]

-What you doing?
-Disguise.

-Oh, my God. Where did you go? [chuckles]
-All right, all right.

Just pretend like we're
out for a casual drive, all right?

Oh! Ugh.
God, well, I've missed my turn now.

-What you talking about? What?
-I should have turned right.

-I'm out for a casual drive.
-That's good. Yeah.

-That's good pretending.
-Thank you.

Jase, should we be doing this?

Yes. People do crazy things
to protect their kids.

Honestly, Jase, I've got goose bumps.

-Oh, I think he's seen us.
-What?

He's seen us. Turn in here.

-Where? There's nowhere to go.
-Here!

-There's nowhere to go!
-Turn!

[hand brake ratchets]

It doesn't matter if he sees us.
He doesn't know us.

That's true.

-Hello, mate.
-[chuckles]

[stammers]

-I am telling you something is going on.
-Really?

-Nikki, she's definitely having an affair.
-Jason.

Let's just review the evidence
for a second. Right? Okay.

-Number one...
-Mm-hmm.

...you said they were cold to each other
at the party. Correct?

Yeah, but, I mean, everyone's tense
before a holiday, aren't they?

Hmm, okay. Right. Number two...

-Yeah?
-...fence jump man.

-Okay...
-Right? [grunts]

Right.

You're regretting using your fingers now.

-Little bit. Yeah.
-Yeah.

I think you're saying all this
to make me feel better.

Which, Jase, that's really sweet.

No, Nikki, you're right. [stammers]

We know these kids now.
We care about them, right?

So what happens
if they get placed with a couple...

-Hmm?
-...one of them is having an affair,

then they end up splitting up?

What's gonna happen to the kids then?

Yeah.

[sighs]

Have you seen
my copy of The Secret Garden?

Why do you want that?

I told you.
My mum's doing a reading at the wedding.

You know, I have to say,

as a piece of work,
I do find it outstays its welcome.

-Well, it means a lot to me.
-Yeah.

Oh, listen, um, about tonight.

Oh, please. Scott, no, no.

I cannot go to another wedding
menu tasting on my own. It looks weird.

I know.
But writing class has moved to Friday.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Okay.

-Can I ask you something, Scott?
-Mmm.

Is your writing more important to you
than me?

Karen, that's a crazy thing to ask.

You know I don't believe in hierarchies.

You just-- You're two things that I love.

One informs the other,
and you both circle me.

You know, like planets.

See? Equidistant.

-I circle you?
-You do, my love.

Listen, it's just a very busy,
very exciting time for both of us.

I've got my novel.
You've got your wedding.

Frida. God, I miss her.

Yeah.

[Jen]
Yeah, well, I was Jennifer until I was 19.

Then my boyfriend and me were gonna
get each other's names tattooed,

but he had a low pain threshold.

So he started trying
to get "Jen" off the ground.

So, um, yeah. That's the story
of how I'm called what I'm called.

Sorry, I forgot your question.

Oh, right. Yeah, no,
I can't reduce the excess on that.

I mean, I could,
but I'm not going to. [chuckles]

Hello? Hello?

-[cell phone ringing]
-Oh.

Hello?

-I'm following 'em.
-Who?

[Jason] Denise and, uh-- and that guy.
They're together again.

I was on lunch. I've seen them
going into a shop so I followed.

Jason, don't. They'll see you.

It's fine. I'm in disguise.

-What, you mean...
-The beanie.

[sighs] Okay, what-- what they doing?

Uh, just sort of walking about a bit.

What, like in an affair-y type of way?

-Well, I mean, it's hard to tell.
-Well, what have they bought?

Uh, some, uh, cushions
and, um, a rug, I think. Uh, some paint.

-What color?
-Uh, lilac, I wanna say.

That's so coupley. Pick something up
so it looks like you're buying something.

No, that-- that's worse.

Will you FaceTime me so I can see?

All right.

Jason?

-Hello.
-[Nikki gasps] Shit.

That-- That is mad to-- What--
I'm just, um, buying a bit of, uh, rope.

What-- Okay. Sorry.
What kind of rope do you want?

The long one--
The long one or the short one?

Long one? Yeah. No problem.
That's the-- I've got that.

Right, so I've got the saw,
the knife and the rope.

I need to-- I've got to tie something up,
uh, and then, um,

-cut it a little bit, so...
-[Denise] Okay.

Well, we'll leave you
to your tying and cutting. [chuckles]

-All right. Nice to see you. Mad.
-I'll see you.

You all right, mate? Yeah?

Bloody hell, what a rush.

It was like a Bond film.
[chuckles] You were like Bond.

I am like Bond.

-Will you pick up some of them tea lights?
-Yeah, yeah.

-[bell dings]
-[intercom] Would customers please note...

[chuckles]

[blows]

[Jason]
I'm telling you, it's a secret love pad.

It is a secret lilac love pad. Somewhere
for them to meet up. I'm telling you.

Maybe.

Jase, are we the good guys here
or the bad guys?

-'Cause it's really hard to keep track.
-Listen, listen.

We're just asking questions.

If they've done nothing wrong,
then they've got nothing to worry about.

Sounds like something
the bad guys would say.

No. Do you know what? I think
we should just return the form

and-- and leave them alone.

-Have you not returned it yet?
-Well, no.

It's been hard to find the time
because of all the spy stuff.

Nikki.

Okay. We're definitely the bad guys.

Have we got any sorry wine?

Hmm.

This is not expensive enough
for sorry wine.

What you talking about?
That's a £7,99 bottle of wine.

We should get some wisteria.

Where do you want to put it?
Around the TV?

[sighs]

-Oh, my God.
-What?

Here he is.

Oh.

Jason.

-What are we doing?
-I don't know. I just panicked.

[doorbell rings]

-What's he doing?
-Well, he's just at the door.

-Is she coming out?
-He's very handsome.

Is he?

[Jason sighs]

-Oh, this is stupid.
-Come on.

-Yeah.
-[grunts]

[Ben] Hey! Hey!

Oh, my-- Oh, my God!
Jason, go do something.

-He's got a hammer.
-He's gonna k*ll him.

Your hammer. This is your hammer,
you left it.

-Is that mine?
-It's definitely yours.

-Yeah.
-Cheers. Appreciate that.

Yeah, that's fine. It's definitely yours.
You left it in the garden.

-Just thought I'd bring it out to you.
-Okay.

-All right? Okay. Good job.
-Thank you. See you next week.

All right. Cheers, pal.

[engine starts]

Ah.

-Come on. Let's go. [grunts]
-[door opens]

Oh. Bloody hell.

[sighs] This is ridiculous.

-Oh, my knees have locked up. Hang on.
-Ow.

[both grunting]

-Ow.
-Ow.

I don't-- I don't get it.
There's no building work.

Weird.

I bet it's the conservatory.
They're such conservatory people.

-Hmm.
-[sighs]

-What?
-Should we have a little...

-Let's go have a little look.
-Come on, Nikki. Let's go. Please.

-[sighs]
-What? What is it?

Oh, my God.

[grunts]

My God.

[sighs]

-Shit.
-Shit.

Hey.

Can I come in?

Yeah.

All right. Come on, love.
Can you go upstairs now, please?

Go on. Off you go.

-Good night.
-Good night.

Thanks for letting me stay.

She wanted to see you.

-How are you?
-Good. Yeah.

-You?
-Good. Yeah.

-Really good. Things are going good.
-Hmm.

I mean, Harper's just this really
positive person. So, yeah, it's all good.

She's got, like, absolutely no time
for non-positive things.

Freddy.

Obviously, I have no emotional support,
but that's fine.

It's fine as long as I don't...

-Freddy.
-As long as I'm happy


So it's all good.

Sure, it would be great if, like,

she tried to just understand me
a tiny bit.

I mean, I make the effort. Like...

I bought those vegan trainers, and
I went on her ice cream tasting podcast.

Freddy, you cannot do this.

You cannot come to me
with your problems anymore.

I am a person. I'm not just some

help blob.

I'm sorry.

For everything.

[sighs]

-That podcast is shit.
-I know.

There's no peril.
All ice cream tastes nice.

Exactly. [chuckles]

Oh, God, you're such an idiot.

Of course you're gonna feel old
if you go out with a young person.

You wanna feel young,
you go out with an old person.

You always went looking for your happiness
in the wrong places.

You know there's no guarantee that
they're gonna choose them over us.

-Please, Jase.
-There isn't. It's true--

Why would those kids want to live with us?

I don't wanna go back to our flat,
and all of our stuff is there.

[chuckles]

It's just so weird though, 'cause

when I looked at them, I just--
I really thought that I--

I was looking at our children.

I know.

-All right, come on.
-Mmm.

Let's go.

No, Jase, it's not hooked on to-- Oh.

-Why would you pull it up?
-[sighs]

Because, uh, it's a tree house,
and you're supposed to.

-What?
-[sighs]

-No, you're not. What do-- What--
-[groans]

-Don't worry. I'll just climb down.
-No! You-- It's too high.

-It'll be fine. I'll just climb down.
-No, I've lost enough people today. Just--

-Let's ring someone.
-It's quite high.

-Yes, it is.
-Yeah.

-I've left my phone at home.
-Should I call Freddy?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

[sighs]

[phone ringing]

Oh, no, nothing.

-Try Erica.
-Yeah?

-[phone ringing]
-[groans] For God's sake.

[ringing stops]

Oh.

-No luck.
-Hmm.

Karen?

Yeah, go on.

[ringing]

[quiet music playing]

I'm really glad you came.

[Raina] Daddy!

[sighs]

[chuckles]

Just give me a sec.

[sighs]

[music continues]

Scott?

Yeah.

[phone dings]

Yello.

Ay up, there he is. Well done, mate.

-Hello.
-Thank you.

No problem. Where's, um...

No Karen?

Karen? [chuckles] Why would Karen be here?

Uh, no, it's just a miscommunication.

I know what I'm-- Yeah. No, that's fine.

Um, uh, what's--
What do you-- What's the plan?

If you'd just chuck that up, mate,
we'll be golden.

-Oh, yeah.
-[sighs] Thank you. [chuckles]

That's it, is it?

[sighs]

Oh, the gate's, uh, locked, guys.
You have to jump over it.

[together] We know.

[Jason] Oh. The lights. Hang on.

I'm sorry for acting so crazy.

-That's okay.
-It isn't.

-I like it.
-Oh, yeah?

[chuckles]

Makes me feel less lonely
when you act crazy too.

We can't compete
with Ben and Denise, Jason.

Your dad's homemade bedroom
isn't going to change that.

We need to take this down. [sighs]

-[clicks tongue] I really don't want to.
-I know.

But these kids deserve
more than we can give them.

The first thing in their new life
shouldn't be a compromise, should it?

Yeah, I know.

Maybe when we get the fairy lights up--

Jase.

If these were our kids,
we'd do anything for them.

This is one thing that we can do for them.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

[grunts]

Okay. Here you go.

What am I meant to do with that?

[pop ballad plays]

[song continues]

[slapping noise]

[panting]

Oh, shit.

[song continues]