01x13 - Screw Week

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

jeez looks like someone poked the ant

hill with a stick yeah last week of

school everyone's bugging out check it

out Walk of Shame the Walk of what

witness the Walk of Shame is

particularly prevalent during screw week

that unique time of the year when the

colision finally puts the moves on their

close friend of the opposite sex before

summer break the Walk of shamer can

easily be spotted often wearing clothing

of the person they just hooked up with

dude those look like your clothes nah I

see St oh I'm all out of n's hats lady

take n's box of

[Music]

shorts so come and talk to me on my

computer screen the best years of Our

Lives aren't as easy as they seem to get

the girl and make the great it's all a

show it's all a game and I would lose it

if I played but anyway you go out on

Friday night I'll stay in but that's all

right now you found back to

[Music]

come zizzy and zizzle there I had sex

with all the pretty girls on campus and

even some of the not so pretty ones now

I know you guys are busy bees this week

but if you want to get your security

deposit back make sure your dorm room is

super clean and anyone interested in

this super exciting world of AR anus can

get the straight poop from me after our

rap session all

right now I know the end of the year can

really bake your noodle so if anyone

wants to talk about their feelings of

separation anxiety with the

juggler

goodbye week is no excuse to break up

where will I live next year

mommy hungry nits I'm trying to squeeze

every last meal out of my meal card

can you believe we have an exam on

Saturday on Shabbat it's outrageous I'm

not going it's a religious thing man

Brody you're not Jewish that's not the

point this college I'm going to join the

peace course so I can smoke some of that

tropical some third world chick's ass

all night

long why is Kimmy so upset why is Mark

the drama guy hand on her shoulder will

Kimmy use this screw week as an excuse

to finally hook up with Mark the answers

to these questions and more on next

week's episode of who gives a rat's

ass oh this has been a freaking Kick-Ass

year don't you guys think so yo craigy

remember that time me you Ryan golden

Kagan found that goat damn that was the

most Rocco there's no one named reinold

or Kagan in our fraternity oh well I

know there was me and it was definitely

a goat Rocco can you grab a mop and help

us NOP okay who likes me raise your

hands listen Rocco I'm sure this doesn't

come as a surprise to you but we don't

like you in fact we hate you I don't

know why we let you in the fraternity in

the first place well I don't know why

all of you let a bunch of Brothers like

all of you in this rat either fine I

don't want to live here next year yeah

[Music]

yeah

connect your beam Canon beam sir how's

the packing going packing I'm not

packing M I'm building a life-size

replica of the Death Star you know when

this battle station is fully operational

uh sir we have to move in 3 days the

school year is almost over then we will

double our

no really sir we have to move the

emperor is coming here

sirasa stop quoting Star

Wars crap the little round guy is right

I'm going to have to leave my

room with the blast shield down I can't

even see how am I supposed to

fight hey guy did you know RA are not

allowed to sleep with students on their

floor I guess that means they'll have to

have sex on the bed my brothers can all

go to hell good to see you too Rocco do

you realize I'm supposed to vacate my

living quarters and find a new place to

dwell next semester like some some

pneumatic Jaa well why don't we all live

together next year wow Rocco that's

actually a great idea huh law of

averages I don't really want to leave my

room but I suppose living with you guys

would be the next best thing I'll do

whatever you guys tell me to do go k*ll

yourself ah you're funny guy we should

be

roommates cardboard box with no access

to running water or fresh air 3 ,000 a

month H sounds promising

guy

huh uh guys I'm going to go see what's

wrong with

Kimmy Kimmy hi you okay oh hi nits I'm

fine just fine no I'm not fine I have to

audition to continue the drama program

all the sophomores do and if I don't

make the cut I'll have to transfer to

another school yes I couldn't take the

humiliation of being anywhere near here

if they cut me uh I don't know what to

say you've said so much already I did

thank you for being someone I can talk

to you're so calm cool and collected

it's like nothing bothers

[Music]

you no

Kimmy what will I do without

her oh my God why did I do that now I

got no face a

[Music]

a you'll notice this next room has very

high

ceilings uh well we got a couple of

requirements I need to be met nits you

want to help me out of here huh what

thanks nits nice hustle okay there needs

to be a bar in the basement gimpy needs

a T1 line and Cal requested a

b whatever that is and there needs to be

a bar in the basement uh the toilet

works well guys the toilet's broken but

you

said you'll never catch the

broker damn I want one of those

scooters so what the hell's your problem

huh what oh uh Kimmy might not be coming

back to State you next year when when

she's really upset dude and she keeps

calling me to talk about it because she

thinks I'm all levelheaded and I like

listen to her and stuff so you're

shoulder to cry on God that's awesome it

puts you in the perfect position to

score with her come on nits it's screw

we Kimmy sitting there sobbing to you

about blah blah blah she gets all

emotional emotional leads to physical

and then you know you take advantage of

her just like we've always talked about

Rocco I would never pray on Kimmy's

vulnerability like that sure nit sure

and I'd never drink lard out of a Dirty

Ashtray for five

bucks well that was a waste of an

afternoon hey what's up with all the

socks on the doors don't you know

anything guy you put a sock on your door

when you're having sex so your roommate

doesn't walk in on you hey wait a minute

how come you never put a sock on our

door I don't wear socks guy so all of

these people are having sex right now

mhm

huh even the Douger getting it on stupid

screw

week hey guy I'm ready to start my ra

training super lesson one the doorknob

is the best place to dry your laundry

hello nit hey it's Kimmy sorry to bug

you I just really need to talk to

someone would you mind coming over come

over where my room uh

sure I'm going to see Kimmy's

room sorry my room is such a mess oh

it's not that messy are those rotten

cantaloupes yes my whole life is a mess

if I get kicked out of the acting

program I'll have wasted the last two

years of my life at this school and I

can't get Mark to notice me and blah

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

blah blah blah

blah so many holes to fill so little

toothpaste this sucks being Kimmy's

shoulder to cry on is become a real pain

in the ass all she does is [ __ ] and

moan about everything no really I mean

do you have any idea what it's like when

the person you have feelings for

constantly complains to you and dumps

their problems on you and never shows

the slightest sign of gratitude leaving

you feeling used and unappreciated

especially when that person continues to

ignore the fact that you obviously like

them yes exactly so I'm going to have to

work even harder to be more supportive

of Kimmy I'll be the best damn shoulder

ever

later all right Pop Quiz Hot sh*t you've

got a room with two hot plates and a h

hallogen light into one socket what do

you do what do you do put on my bathrobe

and mellow Down Easy you've got ra

potential kid I'm going to mention you

to the higher ups let me show you

something Cal

if you're chosen to be in ra next year

you'll have the choice of any room in

Chilton Hall We R always get the best

rooms because we rock but guy I can't

live at Shelton Hall next year I'm

supposed to live off campus with my

friends AR don't have time for

friends that's what I keep telling

myself sir sir we found the perfect

off-campus housing solution but I'm

going to live with mine offshore World

w*r II era anti-aircraft deck we can

declare it as our own country and turn

it into a computer data Haven we' never

have to answer to anyone what do you

think y you're supposed to live with us

yeah

guy good point

chewy Cal how's this sound there there

Kimmy yeah I know that's just terrible

that's pretty good gu but how's this

sound what's up peeps you can call me

the cower

huh uh Kimmy how's it going K would you

mind if I talk to nits alone sure thing

pillow lady nits has been

practicing nits my audition is tomorrow

I'm not ready I can't calm down I'm so

nervous everyone here is better than me

and my entire future is riding on this

one stupid audition Kimmy you're going

to do fine you're talented you're

passionate even if the crappy teachers

at this school can't see that someone

out there will eventually recognize just

how amazing you are I already

do I don't suppose you want to come to a

party tomorrow night I'd love to good

where's the party Mark's Place Mark the

drama guy great I think I'm finally

going to tell him how I feel

H right so now she tells me that she

wants me to go to this party but then

she says she wants to hook up with Mark

the guy who's throwing the party can we

not talk about Kimmy for 5 minutes sure

so this Mark guy stupid drama senior

thinks he's so great I don't even know

why I'm going to this stupid party you

want to go as tempting as helping you

through your WB drama sounds I got a

pack well come with me to the party and

pack afterwards well maybe we can pack

together it is our last night at State

view oh my God Jesse if Kimmy doesn't

come back next year tomorrow night might

be the last time I'm ever going to see

her oh no if Kimmy doesn't come back

then then there'd be no reason for you

to stay here holy crap you're right dude

I was joking no you weren't I have no

idea what I'm doing at College good

grief piss stupid no places to live

stupid everything

[Music]

huh nobody's buying this house come on

come

on stupid gnome

When in

[Applause]

Rome cracks in the window broken leg on

a drum supplyed desk chair tacky use of

chili pepper lights I can't wait to

report this guy to the Douger uh Cal I

don't think that would be such a good

idea quick guys dial up gimpy did

somebody say my name how does he do that

eh law of averages I have found the

perfect house it meets all our

requirements it's cheap has a bday T1

line and a bar in the basement for me

sorry Rocco my minions found an

off-campus offshore housing Solution

that's too good to pass up so I'm living

with them but no and I'm living in the

dorms next year guy cuz I'm going to be

an R but h fine looks like it's just you

and me nits uh actually Rocco oh you got

to be kidding me what the hell is your

excuse I don't think I'm coming back to

school next year no how could this be

happening you're throwing your life away

I just can't will you have email I yes

oh okay God speed wait don't you guys

want to talk me out of this oh I'm not

an RA yet guy I'm not sanctioned by the

university to give advice what about the

house it has a bar in the basement a bar

in the basement fine I'll go find

somebody else to live with me you all

suck he's

funny well on our way to the last party

of the year

maybe my last college party ever dude

you're not actually going to leave

College are you I don't want to talk

about it you brought it up so I thought

Krueger and Brody were coming they're

studying for an exam I feel like I

haven't opened a book or seen the inside

of a classroom all year we are so ready

to study bust out those

textbooks

textbooks I hate you Brody so do you

want to live together live with you

weren't you the guy dated for like like

2 days yeah and you never put up

H welcome my friend welcome to the ranks

of the few the proud the I'm an aray I

made it hooray ker it's quiet hours now

as your first official Duty as an RA you

can help me Patrol the

floors let's roll okay

[Music]

hey Kimmy's friend glad you could make

it Sure Thing Mark sure that's Mark him

standing over there singing show tunes

that's lady k*ller huh yeah thanks he's

so cool him and his band of drama school

tops Lance Troy some guy in a Marilyn

Monroe costume anyway if we get split up

let's meet out at the porch at midnight

remember we're helping each other pack

we're not going to get split up because

I don't know any here and you wouldn't

leave me alone please okay fine the

secret of our secret pizza sauce is

sugar are you happy sugar I was asking

if you wanted to live with me oh I see

uh I have to

go goodbye wall I'll never forget how

you held up my Star Wars posters proud

and tall and goodbye floor thank you for

not crumbling under the weight of my

genius goodbye desk goodbye chair

goodbye I don't think we've ever been

formally

introduced Kimmy oh

nit

what I uh spilled my beer there sorry oh

I'm such a screw up no no it's it's okay

I don't drink so maybe I'll absorb the

beer through my skin and then I'll be

wasting

Ed so you didn't get called back for

next year huh no I did I aced my

audition so why are you crying because

Mark the guy I've had a crush on for 2

years

he's

he's

look he's

gay you're my last hope man what do you

say want to shack up well Rocco I am

flattered but I'm an alcohol induced

hallucination damn it what am I going to

do well you could get drunk oh

yeah they can't do this to us we are not

freaking robots that they can program

and fill with all this Garbo and expect

us to just spew it out someone's being

loud Guy Mr loud talker please respect

those that are studying I will not be

silenced I will not allow myself to

become part of the educational study

Roboto Matrix I'm going to go to this

window and I'm going to I'm going

to that's brilliant

[Applause]

a so it's a really great house blah blah

blah move in barocco we already we have

a house really wow this place has a big

TV and a bar in the basement and

everything can I live here look Rocco

we've been thinking while we do hate you

you're a freshman it's your job to be a

pain in the ass and it's our job to give

you a hard time and that'll be your job

next year so what are you

saying you can keep living here if you

want to deal put her there too slow in

your face

[Music]

[Music]

you son of a [ __ ] you left me at the

party alone ditch me to hook up with

Kimmy who's so drunk do you think you're

dating her now that she's in love with

you now all shut up God I can't believe

I let you cry on my shoulder all year

about everything and not once not once

did you ever get the idea that I might

have been doing it for a reason I mean

have you learned anything this whole

year about

[Music]

anything now I'm understanding what I'm

here

you knew you won't live all watch

[Music]

you I was listing all the ways to find

[Music]

you I don't want to be the one

[Music]

above I'm

[Music]

overb maybe I just

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

come and talk to me on my computer

screen the best years of Our Lives

aren't as easy as they seem to get the

grow and make the great it's all a show

it's all a game and I would lose it if I

play but anyway you go out on Friday

night I'll stay in but that's all right

die you found let to come my

[Music]