04x03 - Glamazons vs. Champions

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "RuPaul's Drag Race". Aired: February 2, 2009 – present.*
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RuPaul plays the role of host, mentor, and head judge for this series, as contestants are given different challenges each week.
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04x03 - Glamazons vs. Champions

Post by bunniefuu »

- Previously

on RuPaul's Drag Race....

- I look spooky,

but I'm really nice.

- The weakest out of everybody,

I would say, is Sharon Needles.

- Shut up!

- Are you ready to experience

a female phenomenon?

[cheers and applause]

- I'm nervous

about Madame LaQueer.

She's not as physical

as the rest of us.

- Oh!

[screaming]

- Madame LaQueer,

Chad Michaels.

You are both the winners

of this week's challenge.

- Oh, my God.

I feel so great.

I certainly actually

proved them wrong.

- The Princess...

shantay, you stay.

Lashauwn, sashay away.

And tonight...

Music makes the people

come together.

The dolls

get a special guest...

- Hallelujah!

- And testify.

- All right.

- With extra-special

guest judges

Natalie Cole

and Glee's Amber Riley.

The winner

of RuPaul's Drag Race

will receive a lifetime supply

of NYX Cosmetics,

a one-of-a-kind trip

courtesy of ALandCHUCK.travel,

headline Logo's Drag Race tour,

featuring Absolut Vodka...

cocktails perfected...

and a cash prize of $100,000.

And may the best woman win.

[tires squealing]

- Cheesecake.

both: Cheesecake.

- Cluck, cluck, queens.

- My baby's gone.

[wailing] My baby's gone.

- Aww.

- All of my girls are gone.

This is the real deal.

If you're not on top

of your Ps and your Qs,

you'll be X'd.

- "Stay true to you. XOXO."

Princess, what was it like

to lip-sync for your life?

- I just had fun with it.

If this is the last time

I'm on the stage,

I'm gonna soak it up.

Being in the bottom two

was ridiculously awful.

all: Awww!

- So I need to step it up

a little bit more.

Peace out.

- The bitch could sew.

- She sure could.

- She was very talented.

- Well, she's gone now.

- Man your stations.

- [laughs]

- Do you think you deserve

to be in the bottom?

- No.

- Who do you think deserved

to be in the bottom?

- Jiggly.

I think if I were to do it over,

after the comment

that you said...

- The thing is,

Princess is very Zen.

She's very quiet.

We needed to be, like,

crazy b*tches.

- I probably would go back

and say, "Jiggly can go."

- Now, would you just say that

because she said something, or...

- f*ck yeah.

[siren blares]

all: Ooh.

- Yeah.

- You've got shemail.

Listen up, glamazons.

America's next drag superstar

is no one-hit wonder.

So if you want to live forever,

you've got to be a champion.

And with a little bit of love,

even a ladyboy

can be a cover girl.

And for the record,

those are all available

on iTunes.

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

Hello, hello, hello.

all: Hi!

[cheers]

- Ladies, for today's

mini-challenge,

we're gonna do a little

something different.

We're gonna do something

for someone else.

- Oh.

- Imagine that.

Now, I love making music.

And I'm honored whenever anyone

makes an online video

of one of my songs.

But there's one in particular

that really moved me.

And I want to share it with you.

[RuPaul's If I Dream]

♪ If I dream ♪

♪ Everything I want to be ♪

♪ If I dream ♪

♪ All the possibilities ♪

♪ If you just believe ♪

♪ In your wildest dreams ♪

♪ It will come true ♪

♪ It will

come true ♪

That's Piyah Martell.

She was born

with caudal regression syndrome

that prevented her legs

from growing.

That hasn't stopped her

from dreaming big.

Piyah's always wanted to be

a part of RuPaul's Drag Race,

and I've invited her here today.

Oh, pit crew.

[cheers and applause]

- All right, diva!

All right, Mama.

Diva!

- Hello, my darling.

Mwah, mwah.

- [giggles]

- Now, Piyah, honey.

You were delivering such

Mariah Carey realness

in that video.

[laughter]

You really captured that song.

- If you really do believe

in something,

you can't give up, you know?

If you dream and dream,

one day, it can happen.

- Piyah just went

right to my heart.

To see her pursuing her dreams,

it was very inspiring.

- Our mini-challenge today

is inspired by you.

Ladies, Piyah has an online

following,

and she calls her fans

butterflies.

You're gonna create

a fashion-forward headpiece

that Piyah can wear

in her next video

with these colorful butterflies.

So, ladies, you need to pair up,

so pick a partner.

All right, so there's

an odd number of queens,

so that leaves Jiggly all alone.

Jiggly, you get to pick

which pair you'd like to join.

- [chuckles]

- Hell no.

- The pretty girls.

- [laughing]

- Say it again.

- Now, you've got 20 minutes.

Ready. Set.

Go.

- Run!

Give me that!

- Ooh, yeah.

- Oh, that's gorgeous.

Now we're cookin'.

- Jiggly, just get that done.

- This one's for Piyah, baby.

- Okay, ladies.

- Ugh, sh*t.

- Time's up.

- You just have to hold it.

- Yeah, I know.

- Let's see what you crafty

caterpillars have come up with.

The first headpiece is from

Milan and Latrice Royale.

- The basis of making

the headdress

is to make sure

that you can actually wear it.

- Yes.

- We failed.

- From the house

of Sharon Needles

and Madame LaQueer.

- Yes.

- It's very royal wedding.

- Pop a little veil on there,

and you're ready for a funeral.

[laughter]

- From the house

of Chad Michaels and Willam,

very tasteful number there.

Is it fly, girl?

- Don't be trying to mop it.

- From the house of Dida Ritz

and The Princess.

I could see Mariah Carey

selling this on HSN.

[laughter]

And last and certainly

not least,

from the house of

Phi Phi O'Hara, Kenya Michaels,

and Jiggly Caliente,

it's a butterfly extravaganza!

- So we wanted something

that was gonna be

as big and as beautiful

as her spirit

and represent her as a whole.

- Love it.

So I will consult

with the client.

Tell me, dahling.

Okay. All right.

And the winner of this

mini-challenge is...

Phi Phi, Kenya, and Jiggly.

[cheers and applause]

Let's see how it looks

on Piyah.

- [growling]

Beautiful.

- Gorgeous.

- Ow!

[cheers and applause]

- Piyah, your ride is here

to pick you up

like the queen that you are.

Thank you, darling.

- Thank you.

- Beautiful.

- We can't wait to see

your next video.

Music makes the people

come together.

For this week's main challenge,

you'll be producing and starring

in infomercials

for my albums Champion

and Glamazon.

You'll need to sell each song

based on a personal memory,

like your first kiss

or your first time in drag.

Phi Phi, Kenya, and Jiggly,

you won the mini-challenge.

But, Phi Phi and Kenya,

you won the coin toss,

so you two will be

team captains.

Phi Phi, you are Team Champion.

Kenya, you're Team Glamazon.

All right, Kenya,

pick a queen.

- Chad Michaels.

- Phi Phi, your turn.

- Sharon Needles.

- Yes, ma'am, Phi Phi.

- I'm not dumb.

[snickers]

- Miss Willam.

- Dida Ritz.

- Milan.

- Latrice the beast.

[growls]

- Princess.

- All right, two queens left,

Jiggly and Madame LaQueer.

- Jiggly, get your butt

over here.

- [giggling]

- Again I got picked last.

I thought that Kenya was going

to go through for me.

- And that means Madame LaQueer

is Team Glamazon.

- Oh.

- Going up.

- I gave a hand.

She rejected it.

- [grunts]

- So are the people

going to see

that the Puerto Rican girls

in the competition

does not help each other?

That's sad.

That is very sad.

- Ladies, my entire recording

career is in your hands.

Gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the best...

seller win.

- I want us each to have

a completely different look.

I want to appeal to everybody.

I want to be completely ghetto.

Can you do, like, gospel?

- Yeah.

- I could be very girly.

- Okay, you know what?

I'm gonna be honest with you.

You've done girly every time

that you've tried to do

something.

I don't want you to do girly.

Can you do, like, club kid?

- Yeah, I could do that.

- I'm kind of channeling, like,

my character being a housewife.

- I want you to look

very Stepford wife.

I want you as, like...

as gothic as can be.

I think you doing your

goth thing would be perfect.

- As much as I love being

a horror character,

as a drag queen, there is

a million looks inside me.

- Boom. Boom.

- Our challenge today

is to make a infomercial

to sell RuPaul's albums

Glamazon and Champion.

I have a k*ller pimple,

and I did not know this.

So we had to make testimonials

depending on which song

we were assigned.

We had to have choreographed

dance, make costumes.

Do you have any

plastic necklaces?

- Um, I have, like,

one turquoise one.

You want it?

- Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

It has to be, like, darker.

Each team got assigned

a different album.

So we got Champion.

Are you guys gonna start

getting ready or not?

- Well, do you want to start

doing choreography

and everything?

- Oh, yeah, we have to do

our choreography.

f*cking sh*t.

- Girl.

- It's only a little snippet.

- Have you listened to it?

- Oh.

- It's every song off the album.

- Yeah.

- An hour and a half

to do choreography,

plus do the costumes,

plus pick our pictures

and memorize this song

and do a dance?

- Mm-hmm.

- Ugh.

God!

- Get into it, girl.

Get into it.

- We can't do this.

We can't let this break us.

Come on.

- Phi Phi is the team leader.

Definitely, there was a lot

of pressure.

We say the captain goes down

with the ship.

- Do y'all's face, like,

super fast,

so that way, we can rehearse

afterwards.

- Can everybody be painted

in 30 minutes?

- In 30?

- Mm-hmm.

- Just put some white powder

on your face and look gothic.

That's all we need you to do.

- Phi Phi wants to call me goth

and wants to push me

into one small box,

which is a box she knows

nothing about.

- [gasps]

Oh, Jiggly!

You should do Ladyboy

and do a whole Asian theme.

And then you can wear

my red bob.

- Okay.

- So hurry up and get painted

and just look super Asian.

Oh, so don't put any makeup on.

- Stupid.

- I just felt like I was

in the team of the busted.

And I wanted to be

in the team of the dusted.

- Okay, so what we need to do

is come up with a theme.

- Maybe we try to put Glamazon...

our animals, our fears, costume

to that first and...

- Yeah, but because

of our time frame,

we got to make sure

that everybody

can get something

that's universal.

Let's just decide to go on '80s.

I think we all knew that Kenya

had a language barrier.

So I decided to take control of

that situation and help Kenya.

- We have to pick

our individual backgrounds

for our individual performance.

- Okay, great.

Can you find humor in that?

You know what I'm saying? Like...

- In clouds?

- Yeah.

- Kenya is supposed to be

the team leader,

but Milan is stepping in,

and I'm sorry.

I don't think

it's the language barrier.

- '80s is about this.

You know, it's about this.

It's about, "Ha, ha, ha."

- The first position

for the Superstar.

What is the first position?

- It's, um...

♪ Gonna love you ♪

♪ As you are ♪

- And next...next...

- Let me sing through it.

I'll try to sing

as much as I can.

- Milan kept talking over Kenya.

- Maybe I...

- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hold on, hold on.

- It's getting old.

It's getting real damn old.

- Hello, hello, hello.

- Hi, RuPaul.

all: Hi!

- I want to know how my

infomercials are coming along.

- Come, Mother, come.

- Well, hello, Team Glamazon.

- Hi, RuPaul.

- Hi, Ru.

- Hi.

- Willam, what song

are you gonna do?

- I get to do Click Clack.

- And you're a shoe queen,

aren't you?

- I brought 34 pairs of shoes.

- [mouthing words]

- I have some great '80s shoes.

- Is the whole group

dressing '80s?

- Yes.

- So, Captain Kenya,

how did you decide on '80s?

- Personally speaking, I think,

as you listen to the album,

there's some '80s influence

going on.

We wanted to try to stay true

to the essence

and the influence of the album.

- Kenya?

Who is in charge here?

Is it you or Milan?

- We decided to share it.

- Yeah.

- Because, you know,

of the language barrier.

- Right.

- I think that Milan

talked too much.

The English is not

my first language.

But I'm trying.

- Princess, you've been known

here on the show

as sort of the quiet one,

the Zen one.

- Right, right.

- How are you gonna

put it all out there?

- I think I just haven't been

given the opportunity

to do that.

- Well, I don't know about that.

We've given you

a few opportunities.

You have an opportunity

right now to do it.

- It just sucks to hear

that criticism,

when I've been giving it

my 100%.

It just boggles my mind.

- Well, well, well.

Team Champion.

all: Hi, Ru.

- Phi Phi, you're captain again.

- I am captain again.

- How'd that happen?

- I'm just amazing.

- You are amazing.

- [giggles]

- So, Sharon Needles,

what song are you gonna do?

- I'm going to be doing

Cover Girl.

- Cover Girl?

- Mm-hmm.

I'm going to be pitching it

to an alternative audience

who might think your music is,

uh, too dancy.

- Wait a minute.

Ex-squeeze me?

- Well, it is very dancy,

but it also, you know,

has other elements to it

that I think works

for all audiences.

- Uh-huh.

Dida.

What song are you doing?

- I'm doing Stepford wife

dancing to RuPaul's Main Event.

And when she hears this song,

it reminds her of the fun

that she had.

- Ah.

So maybe she was a Solid Gold

dancer in another life?

- Maybe; maybe she was one of

a pole dancer back in the day.

- [laughing]

- Jiggly Caliente,

some of your teammates

gave you a little shade

on the runway last week.

Why do you think so many people

chose you as the person

who should go home?

- Probably because they still

don't understand everything

about me.

They'll have to get

to know me first.

- When will they get

to know you?

In this competition, if you

really want to really go for it,

it's not something to do

with anybody else.

It's got to come from yourself.

I want to ask,

have you guys had time

to work on your

group number yet?

- No, we haven't.

- We wanted to paint first.

- Oh, dear.

Are you a little worried

about the group number?

- No, we're not worried.

- I am.

- Okay.

- We looked like f*cking idiots.

It was embarrassing to me.

- You don't want to get clocked

by RuPaul.

You don't want to get clocked

by Supermodel.

You don't.

You don't.

- All right, you all need

all the time

you can get your hands on.

Now, I'm gonna let you all

get to it, okay?

- Thank you, Ru.

- All right, bye.

Ladies, gather round.

Remember, you need to connect

with the TV audience.

Make 'em laugh.

Sell some product.

And pitch your heart out.

Oh, and one more thing.

Don't f*ck it up!

Okay.

- Amen.

- Bye, Ru.

- Bye, Ru.

- Bye, Ru.

- Here they are, Team Glamazon.

- The infomercial challenge

is kind of daunting

because we're doing

lots of different segments.

There's different outfits

to think about.

- We have props for you

if you like.

There's some Iron Fist shoes

which I designed,

and the pit crew

is also included.

You just got to return 'em

when you're done.

[laughter]

- We're sh**ting the opening

scene of the infomercial.

Our team looks phenomenal

in our '80s looks.

And we are so ready to do it.

We're gonna do amazing.

- All right, here we go.

Action.

[tango music]

- Do the line.

Do the lines.

- Cut.

Now, I know you flubbed

a little bit,

but that's okay;

that's okay.

Just keep on going.

- Hey, Chad.

Is that RuPaul's Glamazon?

- Oh, my God.

It takes me so far back.

- RuPaul's music...

Oh, f*ck.

Order all your favorites

and hits now.

The pit crew is standing by.

- Uh, you read the...

the line wrong.

- Yeah, it's "Order now."

- Order now.

- "Get all your favorite hits.

The pit crew is standing by."

- Nobody gets their line right

the first time.

Order now, and other

favorite hits.

The pit crew is standing by.

- All right, who's up next?

You tell me when you're ready.

- [sniffs]

I'm ready.

- Action.

♪ Where my girls at ♪

♪ Make your heels clap ♪

♪ Where my girls at ♪

♪ Make your heels clap ♪

[synthesizer solo]

Milan is up next.

- Before I listened to RuPaul's

Superstar, I was so emotional.

But after listening to it,

I found out that the greatest

love of all is inside of me.

[sudden silence]

- You know, that's another

artist, actually.

- I was gonna say, but you're

pitching Whitney there.

- Any bitch with common sense

knows you don't channel

Whitney Houston

in a RuPaul infomercial.

- Thanks, Whitney.

We'll call you later.

Look at you.

- She got bones.

- [laughs]

No, these are just bones

from some, uh...

- A leopardasaurus.

- Yeah, some Roberto Cavalli

animal or something.

- Yes, from a yacht.

- Yes. Love it.

All right, here we go.

Action.

♪ Stand up ♪

♪ Light a fire up ♪

♪ A revolution ♪

♪ Get your rebel on ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

Yeah, cut.

All right, Team Champion.

Phi Phi O'Hara.

She got a 40-ounce.

Girl from the 6 train.

- Now it's our team's turn

to do the infomercial

to sell RuPaul's album Champion.

- And...action.

♪ And I don't care ♪

♪ If people stare ♪

Cut.

Give it all you got this time.

And...action.

♪ Yeah, up on the flashlights ♪

♪ No, don't be ♪

- I feel amazing

during the sh**t.

Ru's laughing.

Michelle's laughing.

I'm giving 'em, you know,

Phi Phi fierce the house down.

- ♪ Lookin',

don't be jealous of my boogie ♪

Action.

- When I first heard Ladyboy,

my madam said,

"That's not soy sauce

in your panties."

- Cut.

It's not what in your panties?

- Soy sauce.

- Oh.

Sell it.

You got to sell it, okay?

But that was...

that's...that's good.

- "That is not soy sauce

in your panties.

"That is happy endings.

Semen."

- [laughing]

Oh, my God.

- Sorry.

- Action.

- When I first heard

RuPaul's Cover Girl,

I was covered in blood.

I was slaughtering

a sacrificial lamb.

- Cut.

The thing here is,

if it's supposed to be funny,

make it funny.

Let's do one more.

- Sure.

Phi Phi told me to do

just my spooky shtick.

But they're just not really

getting it.

- You have one take left.

Make it work for you, okay?

- Okay.

Though I may dabble

in the black arts,

when I hear RuPaul's music,

I see the light.

- Cut.

- [sighs]

This is a mess.

- One day, I was home making

a warm apple pie for my husband,

and Main Event came on

by RuPaul.

It reminds me of the main event

that happens in the bedroom

with my husband.

- So you're making a...

a sexual innuendo there.

- No.

- I think you've got to sell

that a little bit more.

- It reminded me

of the main event

that I was gonna get later

with my husband.

- Cut.

I like to go as far as possible

and have the director

pull me back.

- Okay.

- You know?

- Okay.

This is bad.

I'm feeling nervous.

I'm feeling scared.

I'm really screwing this up

right now in front of RuPaul.

It reminded me of the main event

that was gonna happen later on

with my husband.

[giggles]

- Okay, cut.

We'll see you on the flip side.

[alarm buzzing]

- All right, Mami.

Elimination day.

- Come on.

- No!

- I'm so nervous about today.

- Why are you nervous?

- Because I was terrible.

I'm just shaking in my boots

right now

and preparing myself

for the worst.

I just felt like I was working

with a whole bunch of amateurs.

- Sharon's scared because now

he's in the same boat

as all of us

and he doesn't have immunity.

- And the only reason

why he's scared

is 'cause he didn't steal

the show.

- I stole the show!

I don't want to stress out

anymore

worrying about what Sharon

thinks of me.

I picked a character for her

that she can excel in.

She has one good character,

so she might as well use it.

Bitch, shut the f*ck up.

This is my team.

- Right.

- I feel like

I'm in high school.

"Can I sit by you?"

- So have you met

your boyfriend's parents?

- Never. Yeah, we've never met

each other's parents.

It's like, our parents

don't mind that we're gay,

but it's like, they still don't

look at it as a real family.

- My family was not very pleased

when they found out

that I did drag.

Not everybody.

Some people are very supportive.

Like, my mom and my stepdad

are amazing.

They're absolutely supportive.

Other people in my family are

not so thrilled with it.

My dad found out

I was doing drag.

He wrote me a letter and said,

"You're an embarrassment

to the family.

Change your name.

Move far away."

Basically didn't want any

contact with me whatsoever.

It's tough when people

that you love

don't agree

with what you're doing.

- It sucks. It sucks.

I haven't spoken to my parents

in I don't know how long,

really,

and they don't know I'm here.

- Wait, they don't even know

you're here?

- I come from a very, you know,

religious background.

I don't know if they're

gonna be proud of me.

I don't know if they're

gonna be embarrassed by me.

I just feel like my family

just doesn't understand

the fact that I do what I do,

and it's kind of put

this distance between us.

I never make an effort to even

try to pick up the phone

and call them

because I don't like to go home.

- We both lost our mom just,

you know, four years ago,

and tomorrow's not promised.

Just don't put that wall up,

because you will regret it.

And I have to live with the fact

that I didn't see my mom

for over ten years.

- I don't want to, like,

get this phone call that, like,

something has happened

and know that, like, the last...

the last, like, time

I spoke to my mother

was...you know,

and how my feelings were.

- You only have one family.

- [laughing]

[applause]

- Hey, guys.

- Hey, Ru.

- Hey, gorgeous.

- Hey.

- Whoo!

- Michelle Visage.

Hi, Mama.

- Hi, baby. How are you?

- Great.

I can see that you're

broadcasting in stereo tonight.

- Is there any other way?

- [chuckles]

Hey, Santino.

Or...or should I say shalom?

- Ha, ha. Shalom.

- How about the beautiful

and talented Amber Riley?

Welcome.

- Thank you.

I'm so excited to be here.

- We're excited to have you.

I'm a big Gleek.

- [laughs]

- And nine-time

Grammy award-winning artist

Miss Natalie Cole.

- Hello, love.

- This will be unforgettable.

- It already is.

- Good.

This week, our queens

produced and starred

in TV infomercials

to sell my greatest hits.

And tonight, they're ready

to take a spin down the runway

in platinum and gold.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

And may the best woman win.

London, Paris...

Milan.

- Solid Gold dancer.

- Darcel, her name was.

- And Altovise Davis, honey.

- I'm going for the gold, baby.

Jackie Joyner-Kersee

has nothing on me.

- She's gonna make your wishes

come true.

- You work it, girl. Work it.

- Ow.

- Harem scarem, Miss Thing.

Ooh.

Miss Chad Michaels.

- It's Jem and the Holograms.

- Fabulous.

Solid Gold.

- I just had the idea

to paint my forehead gold

and really try to emulate

the Versace medallion,

the Medusa head.

- Live from Caesars Palace.

- Okay.

- The price of gold has just

gone up, hasn't it?

- Ooh, yes, it has.

Wow.

Willam. Glamazon.

- Break these chains.

- My goodness.

Chain, chain, chain.

- My theme was

Clash of the Titans,

if Clash of the Titans

was set in a strip club.

- Oh, look, Willam's

a little cheeky tonight.

- Yes, I think I could see

her pink Cadillac.

[laughter]

All right, Sharon Needles.

She's Greased Lightning.

- Serving T-bird.

- Yes.

- Cha Cha Digregorio's

got nothing on us.

- I'm not afraid

to look bizarre,

and when I look bizarre,

I feel beautiful.

- She's serving Elvis

and Elvira.

She's Elvirus.

And it's contagious.

Oh, Phi Phi O'Hara. Yes.

- Vanessa Williams right here.

- Yes, yes.

- Sparkle, Phi Phi. Sparkle.

- I love my look.

My hair kind of looks swooped

like an ice cream cone.

Trying to serve the judges

Beyoncé-meets-the-Jetsons

realness.

- She's serving Jiffy Pop

after the show.

- Okay.

- Madame LaQueer.

- Cut it out.

- [laughing]

- Yes, she is serving

some space couture.

Yes, Mama.

- I'm going with

an outer space look,

and it's good because

I like to be different.

- Space: the final LaQueer.

The Princess.

- Uh-oh.

- Wait...uh...what?

- Uh...

- She stole my look.

Who wore it best?

- I like showing off my body,

my curves,

with an element of androgyny.

I definitely think it's a bold

choice to go without a wig.

- Bold is beautiful.

- Yes, it is.

Look at that ass.

- I'm telling you.

- Your ass is mince, Princess.

- [laughing]

- Jiggly Caliente.

Serving heavy gunmetal chick.

- There's an asteroid headed

straight for planet Ru.

- Uh-oh. Duck and cover.

- The look is right.

Catch my shades.

I look sick.

- I said wild women do.

- Amen.

- [laughing]

- And they don't regret it.

- No.

Dida Ritz.

Oh, runway realness.

Supermodel.

- Look at these legs.

I'm pummeling the runway.

I am serving Naomi Campbell

realness.

- Oh, and what an impressive

bumper she has.

- And she ain't afraid

to show it.

- No.

- Not at all.

- Latrice Royale.

There's gold

in them there hills.

- [laughing]

- I want this short little dress

to show off my gorgeous legs

and hips and curves.

Body beautiful, of course.

- 24-karat realness.

- Yes.

I'll have a Latrice Royale

on the rocks.

Shaken, not stirred.

Kenya Michaels.

She's serving

some R2-D2 realness.

"C-3P-ho."

- I tried to mix the high

couture with the fantasy.

I feel amazing.

- In space, no one can hear you,

queen.

- [laughing]

- Welcome, ladies.

It's time to debut your

RuCo Records infomercials.

Let's start with Team Glamazon.

♪ Do it, do it ♪

♪ Oh ♪

- Hey, Chad.

Is that RuPaul's Glamazon?

- Like, oh, my God, wow.

That takes me so far back.

- RuPaul's music brings back

so many good memories.

It's hard to choose just one.

- You know what, Princess?

Luckily, you don't have to.

Oh, my God!

- ♪ Gonna love you ♪

♪ As you are ♪

- Before I listened

to Superstar,

I was totally spastic.

But now that I listened to it,

I feel totally tubular.

- ♪ As you are ♪

- [Hispanic accent]

Hello, Papi.

I don't speak very much English.

[speaking Spanish]

Y trust me.

Do you remember your first time?

- ♪ We are all stars ♪

♪ That was then ♪

- Oh, my God, you guys.

The first time I heard

RuPaul's song The Beginning,

I was spray painting

my ex-boyfriend's car

with vulgarities.

What a jerk.

That was the beginning

of an awesome

and gnarly new life for me.

- ♪ Every day ♪

♪ Light a fire up ♪

- When you are in a competition

that no one speaks Spanish,

you think, "Mierda,

no entiendo nada."

But in that moment,

awake the beast.

Get your rebel on, and fight.

- ♪ Get your rebel on ♪

♪ Everybody, everybody ♪

♪ Do you hear that ♪

- Wearing high heels

was getting so ho-hum

until I heard Click Clack.

Now it's the soundtrack

to my life.

- ♪ If I dream ♪

- Do you feel like you've come

to the end of your road?

At one time, I did too,

until I heard

RuPaul's If I Dream.

And now I know anything

is possible.

- ♪ They will come true ♪

♪ They will

come true ♪

♪ We gonna work that sexy ♪

- Order now.

Get all your favorite hits.

The pit crew is standing by.

all: Get Glamazon on Amazon.

Whoo-hoo!

- ♪ Glamazon-on-on-on ♪

- [laughing]

Ahh.

[Valley girl voice]

Oh, my God, you guys.

Gag me with a spoon.

- I think our team nailed it.

Perfect. Awesome.

I don't think we could've done

anything better.

- Now let's watch the

infomercial for Team Champion.

[upbeat dance music]

- Hey, Vampira.

Isn't this, like, this, like,

uh, RuPaul Champion album

or somethin'?

- Oh, RuPaul's music

always brings me back.

- You know what, girl?

Like, there's so many songs

that, like, have so many

good memories

that it's hard to, like,

pick one, you know, Mamas?

- Luckily, now we don't have to.

[laughs wickedly]

- ♪ Ladyboy, lady girl ♪

♪ This is for my girls ♪

- When I first heard Ladyboy,

my madam said,

"That's not soy sauce

in your panties."

- ♪ Little ladyboys and girls ♪

♪ Little lady, ladyboys ♪

♪ You know the world

don't have to end ♪

- One day, I was home making

a warm apple pie for my husband,

and then Main Event came on

by RuPaul.

It reminded me of the main event

that I was gonna get later

with my husband.

- ♪ Dancing to your soul ♪

- Children, when I heard

RuPaul's Never Go Home Again,

I know that there was something

out there better waiting for me.

- ♪ Always in your heart ♪

♪ Turn it up ♪

- So look.

Every time I'm walking

down the street,

all these mamis are like, "Ooh,

girl, your ass is too fat."

I'm like, "Look, don't be

jealous of my boogie."

- ♪ You can say

that you are not ♪

♪ But I always

see you looking ♪

♪ Stroll down the runway ♪

- When I heard RuPaul's

Cover Girl for the first time,

I was covered in blood.

And though I may dabble

in the black arts,

when I hear RuPaul's music,

I see the light.

- ♪ Cover girl ♪

♪ Put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe ♪

♪ Let your whole body talk ♪

♪ You're a champion ♪

♪ And you'll always be a hero ♪

all: Available on iTunes.

Whoo!

[loud cheers and laughter]

- That was dragnificent, ladies.

If I were watching back at home,

I would place my order

right now.

I mean, really.

Do it now.

All right, ladies.

You produced

your infomercials as teams.

But tonight, you'll be judged

as individuals.

When I call your name,

please step forward.

Milan.

Willam.

Latrice Royale.

Jiggly Caliente.

Phi Phi O'Hara.

This week, you did not reach

the top of the charts.

You are safe.

You may leave the stage.

Ladies, you represent

this week's hits and flops.

And now it's time

to face the music.

Madame LaQueer.

- Hello. Hola.

- Let's go to Natalie Cole.

- I love your essence.

But I don't like the outfit.

- When I hear gold and platinum,

I think classier.

The color green reminds me

of fungus.

In the video in the pitch,

little bit too much Spanish,

so remember that.

- I think you were being true

to yourself, though,

with the Spanish.

It was really funny.

- Thank you.

- But I think that that's a

place where you're comfortable.

I would encourage you to kind of

push yourself a little bit.

- Next up, Chad Michaels.

- Hi, Ru.

- I think you're

an amazing actress.

I thought it was just

the right amount of trashy,

tongue-in-cheek.

- You do everything flawlessly

from beginning to end.

It's obvious.

I want to see you let go

of that perfection.

I want to see more

of who you are.

- Princess.

Love the look.

- Thank you.

- Your hosting skills

weren't really

at the same level

as Chad Michaels'.

- You were extremely flat.

We've told this to you before.

You've got to be aware

of going above and beyond

and out of your comfort zone.

You in particular, Princess.

- Kenya Michaels.

- Hi.

- You come out here

in this directional ensemble.

I was just, like,

following every curve.

- I really loved

your performance.

It was so sick

that it was right.

- Thanks, Kenya.

Dida Ritz.

- Hey, Dida.

I love your ensemble tonight.

Your body is amazing.

I wondered why you chose

the character you played

in the video.

- I wanted to do

something different.

Tall, leggy, sexy Dida

is kind of something

that I don't want

to get comfortable doing.

- It's good that you did

take a risk,

but you looked uncomfortable,

and if you're gonna

do something out of your

comfort zone,

you have to commit to it.

- Next up, Sharon Needles.

Tell me about your

infomercial presentation.

Did you work well with Phi Phi?

- She definitely didn't bring

a strong leadership role.

Basically, what she said is,

"You're spooky.

Dress like a monster."

But I used it as a way

to sell your records.

- Well, you do spooky very well.

- Boo.

- [whimpering]

- I didn't even get

the name right away.

[laughter]

It just went whoop,

right over my head.

- All in the past, Miss Cole.

- Okay.

You know, so I'm right there

with you, but anyway.

- Well, yes, um...

- [laughing]

- The presentation was eerie

and all that you wanted it

to be.

It kind of freaked me out

a little bit.

I really liked it.

- I love that Swarovski crystal

pompadour you got on.

But I wish I couldn't see

the lower half of your body.

It kind of looks like

a store-bought thing.

- Well, ladies, I think

we've heard enough.

While you enjoy

an Absolut cocktail

in the Interior Illusions

Lounge,

the judges and I

will deliberate.

You may leave the stage.

All right, just between

us girls, who is your favorite?

- I go with personality.

- Yeah.

- I think that Sharon Needles

has got a great sense of humor.

- Uh-huh.

- For me, it's between

Sharon Needles

and Kenya Michaels.

I really like Kenya.

She has less of a handle

on the English language,

but she was able to just

push through it

and just have fun.

- Yes.

She sold it.

It was from the heart.

You felt that she wanted

to bring out the inner beast

and get her rebel on.

- Chad is my absolute favorite.

She's so glam and so seasoned.

I couldn't keep my eyes off her.

I just kept staring at her

the whole time.

- Okay.

Now, here is the hard part.

Who are the bottom two?

- You know, I would kind of

have to say

Princess and Madame LaQueer.

- Princess and Madame LaQueer.

And why?

- Madame LaQueer, she's just

not quite ready for prime time.

And although Miss Princess' look

is great,

we're talking about bringing

people that are gonna win...

- Yes.

- Because they're already

so close.

I don't think she's that close.

- The Princess...I'm getting

nothing from her.

I think I'd like to see more

from Madame LaQueer.

She's a fierce queen.

- Yeah.

- I'm gonna have to say Dida.

I just don't know.

I'm confused by her 'cause

the walk on the runway...

That walk is saying,

"I am here. I am fierce."

But the video...

I think Dida thought

that the costume

was gonna do the work for her.

- Right, I don't think

she understands

that that walk that she

displays on the runway

can be transferred

into every challenge,

into her everyday life.

- I like to see people

who are the sh*t

and know they're the sh*t.

No apologies.

- Mm-hmm.

- No apologies.

- All right.

Silence.

I've made my decision.

Bring back...

my girls.

Welcome back, ladies.

I've made some decisions.

Sharon Needles.

You went to the dark side...

again...

and delivered another

sparkling performance.

Condragulations.

- Yes!

- You're the winner

of this challenge.

- Atta girl.

- And you'll receive

costume jewelry

courtesy of

fiercedragjewels.com.

- Who won the main challenge

this week?

Oh, yeah, me.

Again.

Like a nightmare come true.

Ha, ha.

I'm just such a loser back home.

It's...or that's

how I'm perceived,

and it's just great

to hear you say that.

Thanks.

- Sharon, you may step

to the back of the stage.

- Thank you.

- Chad Michaels, Kenya Michaels,

you're safe.

Madame LaQueer...

You're safe.

Dida Ritz.

The Princess.

I'm sorry, my dears,

but you are both up

for elimination.

- Not again.

- It's kind of upsetting

because I felt like

I put myself there.

- Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last chance

to impress me

and save yourself

from elimination.

The time has come...

for you to lip-sync

for your life.

Good luck.

And don't f*ck it up.

[This Will Be playing]

- ♪ This will be ♪

♪ An everlasting love ♪

♪ This will be ♪

♪ The one I've waited for ♪

♪ This will be ♪

♪ The first time anyone ♪

♪ Has loved me ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ I'm so glad ♪

♪ You found me in time ♪

♪ And I'm so glad that ♪

♪ You rectified my mind ♪

♪ This will be ♪

♪ An everlasting love ♪

- Natalie Cole is sitting

right in front of me.

I have to do it for her.

I don't want her to leave

saying,

"That drag queen did

a horrible job with my song."

- ♪ You've given me ♪

♪ The thrill of a lifetime ♪

♪ And made me believe ♪

♪ You've got more thrills ♪

♪ To spare, oh ♪

♪ This will be ♪

♪ An everlasting love ♪

♪ Oh, yes, it will, now ♪

- [laughing]

- ♪ This will be ♪

- Yeah!

- ♪ You and me ♪

- Come on!

- ♪ Yes, sirree ♪

Well!

♪ Eternally ♪

♪ So long as I'm living ♪

♪ True love I'll be giving ♪

♪ To you I'll be serving ♪

♪ 'Cause you're so deserving ♪

Ah!

♪ You're so deserving ♪

♪ You're so deserving, yeah ♪

Whoo!

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪

♪ Love, love ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ From now on, from now on ♪

♪ From now on ♪

- That is what a lip-sync

for your life is, baby.

That is high drag

at its finest.

- ♪ From now on ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Wow.

That was amazing.

I've made my decision.

Dida Ritz...

shantay, you stay.

- Thank you.

- That's the queen I want to see

from now on.

From now on, queen.

From now on.

- I promise.

You may join the other girls.

- Thank you.

- The Princess.

Even though your time here

has been brief,

you will be forever

Drag Race royalty.

Long live The Princess.

- Thank you.

- Now sashay away.

[applause]

- I'm not the type

to get upset or angry,

but I don't think it was right

to send me home.

This competition will definitely

be missing something

not getting to see the rest

of what I had to offer.

- My top ten, condragulations.

And the hits

just keep on coming.

Now, if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you gonna love

somebody else?

Can I get a amen up in here?

all: Amen!

- All right, now,

let the music play.
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