03x08 - Ru Ha Ha

[bunniefuu]

- Previously

on RuPaul's Drag Race...

You will be designing

a couture dress

inspired by these cakes.

Ooh!

You need a 12-step program

to deal with that lava.

- The reality of it

is that she looked awful.

- I would like

to see Shangela go.

She's just a loudmouth,

and she's always halleluing.

- Shangela, get the f*ck out.

- Raja.

You're the winner

of this challenge.

Alexis Mateo,

you're a sweet talker,

but your cheesecake couture

struck a sour note

with the judges.

Shante, you stay.

Stacy Layne Matthews,

sashay away.

And tonight...

break out your library cards.

Reading is fundamental.

- Ow!

Eat it, eat it, eat it, ow.

- And a comedy of errors.

- I said,

"Bitch better have my money."

- With extra special

guest judges

comediennes Rita Rudner

and Arden Myrin.

The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race

will receive

a lifetime supply

of Kryolan Professional makeup;

headline Logo's Drag Race Tour,

featuring cocktails

perfected by Absolut;

and a cash prize of $75,000.

And may the best woman win!

[car engines racing]

- Whoo-hoo.

It's so empty in here.

Hello.

[imitates echo]

Stacy is gone.

"Be a lady.

You're all amazing.

Stacy Layne 'Bryant' Matthews."

- The last challenge,

being in the bottom two,

I think it was a fluke.

So right now

I just have to concentrate

in what the judges

are looking for.

- Well, Stacy's gone.

Now you're the only big girl.

- Stacy probably shouldn't have

been here to begin with.

She didn't meet the criteria.

But now I have a whole other

can of worms to worry about.

For the most part, all the

strong competitors are here.

And it's really hammered in

that now

the competition is super tight.

At this point,

it's getting very personal.

- I wanted to ask you

about yesterday.

When you said you're so tired

of hearing my voice,

my reaction was,

like, I was shocked.

- It came off a lot harsher

than I intended.

- As I'm having this

conversation with Manila,

it's a complete 180

from what she was delivering

on the runway.

I know that Manila

has more faces

than my foot has blisters

after a show.

- And I don't want you to think

that I'm attacking you...

- No.

- But I am attacking you.

Because ultimately

this is a competition,

and I want to b*at you.

[alarm wails]

- Ooh, girl.

You've got shemail.

Hello, lady-boys.

- Hi.

- Drag is a serious business,

but sometimes a queen can take

herself a little too seriously.

Remember, laugh, and the world

laughs with you.

b*mb, and the joke's on you,

honey.

- Whoo!

Yeah.

- Hello, hello, hello.

- Hello.

- My legendary children.

A drag superstar needs to

develop a pretty thick skin.

So in the great tradition

of Paris Is Burning,

break out your library cards.

- Oh, god.

- Because reading is what?

Fundamental.

Now, for today's mini challenge,

you'll take turns

reading each other.

Or throwing shade.

Ladies, the library is open,

okay?

- Okay.

- Yara Sofia.

La biblioteca is open.

Put on your reading glasses

and read these b*tches

for filth.

- Manila Luzon.

It's not because you're Asian.

It's because I need some

patience to deal with you.

Delta Work, is that your tits

or your feet?

- Oh!

- Raja,

you think you're fashion?

You should go to old...school.

- Next up, Manila.

- Ow, eat it, eat it, eat it.

Ow!

- Put on your reading glasses.

- Oh, god.

- Ooh, Yara.

Your blue contacts are so creepy

that it makes my skin itchy,

itchy, itchy...pa'lante.

- Oh!

- It's dinner time, Delta.

And you are serving

body-ody-ody.

Well, I guess

that solves the problem

with all them starving kids

in Africa.

- Thank you, Manila.

Up next is Miss Delta.

- Oh, my gosh.

Yara, isn't it interesting

that when your flight

came into town

the sightings of chupacabras

increased?

[laughter]

Manila, what are we gonna do

when the hurricane

hits all of Asia.

You won't have

any material left.

- Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

- Raja,

when you're on the runway,

do you keep the 800 number

for su1c1de?

Because those toes

are ready to jump.

- Whoa!

- Bring your library card,

Miss Alexis Mateo.

- Get ready, b*tches.

Miss Shangela, girl,

can we have some water?

Her hair is thirsty, baby.

- Uh-oh.

- Delta, just grow a neck,

honey.

- Whoa!

- All they can read is my size,

and that's so obvious.

Now tell me something funny.

- Raja, should I call you Raja

or grandma?

- Ooh!

- Oh!

- Raja, you are up.

- Shangela,

I hope you still have

your phone card to Middle-earth,

'cause the hobbits are calling.

- Ooh!

- Fat.

Who cares?

Syphilis.

[laughter]

- Carmen, the library

is open to you, my dear.

- Word.

- Yara, what the f*ck are you

saying, girl?

- Alexis, girl, I been thinking

about you all day.

I was at the zoo.

- Ooh!

- All right, last but not least,

Shangela.

Yes.

- Oh.

Mimi Imfurst.

[laughter]

Raja, I know you call yourself

Top Model,

but I think Tyra Banks and I

would agree

you're just fashion roadkill.

- Ooh!

- Manila Luzon,

Asian role model.

Well, I hope you're referring to

the rolls all over your body.

- Ooh!

- And, aw, Carmen Carrera.

Honey, just go

jump in the ocean.

You won't drown.

Silicone floats.

- All right, girl.

The library

is permanently closed.

All right, ladies, good job.

But I think we have a winner.

Shangela!

For this week's main challenge,

you need to develop

a stand-up comedy routine.

To help you create

a winning routine,

you'll each take

a one-on-one comedy workshop

with legendary funny lady

Miss Rita Rudner.

- Oh, wow.

- Oh, my god, Rita!

I can't wait to meet

Rita Rudner!

- Now, for your

stand-up performance,

you'll need to put together

a funny outfit

worthy of a queen of comedy.

Gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the funniest bitch win.

- All right.

See y'all later.

- Oh, my.

Yes, I am a little terrified.

My heart stopped, actually,

when she said that.

It's frightening,

'cause I'm just hoping

that I don't b*mb,

and that happens a lot

with comedians.

If you don't have

the perfect timing,

you could really f*ck it up.

Shangela's an amazing comedian.

She's been doing it for a while,

so I'm sure she's gonna do

really well in this one.

- Well, damn sure I was right

when I said,

"I want that bitch to go."

- Well, no, because comedy

is hit or miss.

It's a lot of pressure.

- We all kind of

have to be good,

the three of us, because their

group's still the same size.

Our group is getting smaller.

- It's like our workroom

is now divided into two groups.

We got team talent

and team look.

Raja, Delta, Carmen, and Manila

all put the emphasis

on their look.

They can't perform.

- Today we have to do

a stand-up routine,

and we have to create

a drag look

that goes with

our stand-up routine.

- I'm gonna have to do some

brainstorming here.

- Well, that's gonna be hard.

You see what time she's having

with it.

The workroom today

is very quiet.

There's no sewing.

Everyone is digging

deep inside their brains,

trying to find

what about themselves is funny.

- I'm...I'm afraid.

- You can't be afraid.

You got to go in or go home.

- It's hard

to make people laugh,

but I'm gonna do it.

I'm so funny.

Funny enough

that you gonna laugh.

- A lot of people here

host a show,

so everyone here is gonna be

strong competition,

and that's, like,

when they tell me that

my makeup's not the best,

you know, it's important to me

to look...

have the look right.

When I get

in front of the judges,

it's never a question

about talent.

It's always something

regarding my makeup.

- The purpose for the makeup

is not to look...painted.

- What about when I'm doing here

and sculpting the face?

You know how you talk about

a round face?

- From here up, I don't use

a lot of foundation.

I don't need it there.

- Oh, it's not even

all the way across?

- No.

- No.

Because then you're

creating a mask.

Everything that Shangela said

is exactly

what you never should do.

- You don't put on powder

between steps?

- No! No!

[laughter]

How do you...no, no.

- Hello, funny ladies.

- Hi.

- Funny girls.

Hey, Carmen.

- Hey, hey.

- Now, you're obviously

from New Jersey.

You have sort of

a Jersey accent.

- Do I?

- Yeah, you do.

Are you gonna play up sort of

the stereotypical things

that people may think of you?

- No, I'm not typical Jersey.

So...

- How do you know you're not

typical Jersey?

- I don't think I am.

I don't see it.

Am I that Jersey?

Like, what does that mean?

I mean, is that an insult?

- A lot of comedy

comes from stereotypes,

and if you play on that,

it can be very funny.

People can relate to it.

Because, really, you want to

invite people into your world

and make them feel comfortable.

But it's up to you whether

you're willing to let us in.

- I don't really like

to let anyone in.

- Well, you got to

get over that.

Hey, Manila.

- Hi.

- You know, this seems like

a shoo-in for you.

You're very funny.

- I'm going back

to my childhood.

As an adult looking back,

how gay some of the things

I used to watch on TV were.

Sesame Street?

- Right, right.

So now, in the past,

I've heard jokes

about Sesame Street.

- Um, maybe.

I don't really know.

- I want to hear something

that we haven't heard before.

Get back to work.

- Thanks.

- See ya.

Hey, Alexis.

- Hi, Ru.

- Have you done comedy before?

- No, we have never

do stand-up comedy.

- I see.

And you're gonna tell

some jokes?

- Yes.

- As Alexis, or as a character?

- As Alexis Mateo.

And it's gonna talk about

my coming to America experience.

It was a big change.

It was the problem

with the language.

- No one else

has your life experience,

so if you draw on that,

how could you go wrong?

Especially if you can

laugh at yourself.

- I love making fun of myself.

- I am so excited.

I can't wait to laugh,

laugh, laugh.

- Thank you for stopping

by my office.

- All right.

- Bye, Ru.

- Bye.

Hey, Delta.

- Hi, Ru.

- I have a feeling

you're gonna be very funny.

- Um, I am.

- They say that comedy comes

from, you know, a dark place,

and I have a feeling that

you've spent a lot of time

where, uh,

maybe people have said

some nasty things to you,

and you've had a lot of time

to think about getting back

at them.

Am I right?

- Yes, that's very true.

But I don't want it to seem

like,

"Poor me, poor me, poor me."

I want it to be like, "Poor me,

pour me another one."

I'm so excited.

I think if I'm clear

and concise about the jokes,

I think that I could win.

- I can't wait.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

All right, ladykins.

Gather around.

In a moment you'll meet

with guest judge Rita Rudner,

who will help you with your

chutzpah, uniqueness,

nerve, and talent.

Now, Shangela, since you

won the mini challenge,

you get an extra ten minutes

with Rita Rudner.

Plus you get to choose

the order of the lineup.

- This is where the real shade

is gonna happen.

- Now, tomorrow,

on the main stage,

we'll be joined by guest judge,

the sassy comedian from

Chelsea Lately and Mad TV,

Arden Myrin.

- Whoo!

- Oh, and one more thing.

You'll be performing

your stand-up

in front of the harshest critics

of all...

a live audience.

So don't f*ck it up.

I'll see you later.

- All right, bye.

- I work in front of

an audience at my shows.

It's the best place

to get energy.

The problem is sometimes

that energy is good,

and sometimes it's bad.

- You guys want to come over,

'cause I got the order of

the show set up for tomorrow.

- Okay.

- I know how it is to work

at a club.

When you go to work

at a drag show,

they usually put the girls

who they don't like

in the beginning.

- Opening the show's

gonna be Raja.

She's, what we call

in the comedy world,

biting the b*llet.

And then Carmen, Alexis.

I put Carmen second.

If she's great, she follows Raja

and makes Raja look horrible.

Alexis, you'll introduce me,

and then I'll introduce Manila.

Then Yara and Delta,

you'll close the show, okay?

I put Manila directly after me.

If she's intimidated by me,

let her be

really intimidated by me.

- Why did you put me in the...

before the last one?

- I know you probably

wanted to be

toward the end of the show,

but I don't want you

to be the last one.

Yara wants to go last,

but I put her next to last.

If she knocks it

out of the park,

that puts Delta

at a disadvantage,

because then she has to

close the show

and go after Yara.

- If the intention

is to f*ck with people,

it's not gonna work.

This is my make it moment,

because this is what I do

for a living, and...

- Yeah.

- Is entertain people

on the microphone.

- What do you think

about the order?

- I think it's a setup.

- For you, like, if I were to go

right after Shangela,

I'd be a little bit nervous.

- If I go out there and b*mb,

it's gonna be like,

"Oh, f*ck."

- They should have never told me

they saw me as a thr*at.

I will see each one of them

go home.

- Hi, Manila.

I'm Rita.

- Hi, Rita.

I'm a huge fan.

Rita Rudner is going to be

giving us stand-up advice.

She's one of the funniest people

in show business.

- And what are you going to do

for us today?

- Looking back at

some of the PBS programming

that I used to watch

and how gay

it actually seems now.

- Let's hear you

do the first joke.

- So looking back at Mr. Rogers,

I don't know

if he was on the down-low,

because he had a second house.

And every show started out

with a costume change.

Comedy's hard.

I'm just nervous that, like,

other people's routines

are gonna be,

like, so much funnier than mine.

- My life is funny.

- And now tell us

some of the funny things.

- I am from Puerto Rico.

Since I was just a little girl.

You know.

- That's funny.

- [clicks tongue]

I went all the way to Florida.

- Maybe let's make a joke

about that.

You say, "I came to Miami.

"I was in first class.

I was in the front of the raft."

- I was in the...in the what?

- In the front of the raft.

- In the raft?

- Yes, that's a raft.

- Girl, I don't know

if I can pronounce that.

- My, um, act is gonna be based

on the film Carrie.

- I haven't seen Carrie

in 40 years.

I always worry about

a specific movie reference.

If no one has seen, uh,

the movie, she is in trouble.

- And my outfit that

I'm wearing, actually,

it's sort of this

blood-drenched,

like, you know, gown.

- You come in..."Did anyone else

just get their period?"

- See, I wanted to do

a period joke.

Anybody else get their period?

- "Did anyone else just get."

- "Just get their per..."

So did anyone else

just get their period?

- But stay still

while you're doing it.

- Anyone else

just get their period?

- There you go.

I laughed.

- So I think what I do is

I want to kind of start out

by maybe

I should drop some weight.

- Good.

- And basically, like, that's

kind of what it's about.

A fat chick's like a unicycle.

Every guy wants to be with one.

They want to take one on a ride.

They just don't want to be seen

doing it.

Ultimately, I think what I want

to do is maybe not, like, love,

and maybe not just, like,

a one-night stand.

I think what it is is I just

want to sit on a guy's face.

- You're not really talking

about how to lose weight.

- Right.

- You know, you have to decide

what it is that you're going to

talk about.

- I'm a post-modern pimp ho.

I've never performed

as a character

on the stage other than myself.

- You've got it right away.

When you come out and say, "Yo,

you know, bitch..."

you've got that...

you've got the character

perfectly right there.

- Great.

But I'm feeling more pressure,

and definitely a little nervous.

You always want to shine,

especially when people think

it's what you do.

- Hi.

- Hello, Yara.

- Hi.

I'm supposed to be

a little person.

- Right.

- Yes, I want to make a story.

This girl from Spain.

It's hard to live here

in States,

and I miss the guy.

This gorgeous guy.

And I follow him.

You know, I'm a little person,

and I have to poop.

[imitates flatulence]

Get out, get out, cabron.

Get out, get out, get out,

cabron.

Get out, get out, get out.

- That is the most unusual act

I've ever seen.

- Oh.

It's so weird hearing my voice.

- Now, Carmen, are you doing,

um, something personal about you

or other people?

- Haven't really pieced together

what I'm gonna do yet.

- Just say some things you have

on that lovely sheet of paper.

- Um...

- Come on.

You have to say something

in the mic,

otherwise we can't help.

- Okay, well,

I'll see you tomorrow.

- You silly boy.

Come over here.

- Like, I just have, like,

a bunch of topics that I...

- Okay, what are some more

of your topics?

- Okay, I'm the only queen

that's really here

from new Jersey,

and I don't look at myself

in the mirror

and see a stereotypical

new Jersey person.

- So did you always

feel out of place?

- Never.

- But you should,

because that's gonna be funny.

There's nothing funny about

a good-looking person

doing well,

who's confident.

So think of something that

you're insecure about,

and share it with us.

- Let's see...mm...

- I didn't understand where

her humor was going to

come from,

so I'm gonna worry about Carmen

tonight.

- [alarm beeps]

- Buenos dias.

- Let the funny come out.

- We're back

in the workroom today,

and the challenge this week

is to come up with a hilarious

outfit for the runway

and then perform

a stand-up routine

for a live audience.

- She sounds like...like a goat.

- Girl, I got to learn

this thing by memory.

It's so loud in here, it's still

hard to commit stuff to memory

when everyone's talking,

you know.

- [moans]

- [sighs]

- Delta's a little bit shaken

at this point,

because this is a

really high-pressure challenge.

She's struggling, and I really,

really feel for her.

- I'm terrified,

and I'm scared as sh*t.

I'm so worried, you know?

- Relax.

Don't stress.

We got this.

We're the Heathers.

- Yep.

- We're the Heathers.

- We're the Heathers.

- Yes.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome, babe.

Your face looks so much better.

- 'Cause I'm gonna be a clown,

'cause I'm gonna be hilarious!

- Before, you was painted like

a motherfuckin' ghost, honey.

- Why are you making fun of me

so hard?

I just want to be a fierce

drag queen like the next girl.

- Hey, Manila,

are you going to speak

in, like, your Asian accent?

- Are you gonna speak

with an Espanol accent?

- I can't help it.

[laughter]

- You know what you should do?

You should do

that British accent

you were so successful at.

- f*ck you.

- So funny to me.

- Isn't it funny?

- It is funny.

- Manila told Ru that

she's so tired of my mouth.

But you'll never

see her shut up.

I don't even think

she takes air.

- Okay?

This show is gonna start out

with a bang.

- I see Carmen in her fat suit.

It's just...it's so too much.

It's so weird.

I was like, "Really, girl?

This is what you're gonna do?"

- Bitch, and I want to

lay on it, honey.

- I know that everyone is,

like, "Oh, well, Carmen.

I'm worried about Carmen."

My mentality is,

this is going to work.

- She just signed the paper.

She's on her way home.

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Hey, guys.

Welcome to the main stage

of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Michelle,

how is your funny bone?

- Oh, being tickled

as we speak.

- Hey, Billy B.

Are you related to Celine Dion?

- No.

- Then why the long face?

[laughter]

Rita Rudner.

Thank you for giving my girls

a master class in comedy.

- I was very impressed,

and I think

it's going to be a lot of fun.

I can't wait.

- Arden Myrin.

- Hi.

- I hope you're wearing

your iPad,

because the fun

is about to flow, girl.

- I never go anywhere

without it.

- [laughter]

For this week's main challenge,

we asked our girls

to make us laugh out loud

with their own

stand-up routines.

Tonight,

headlining on the main stage,

let's welcome RuPaul's

drag queens of comedy.

Gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the best woman win.

[cheers and applause]

- Hello.

Good evening,

ladies and gentlemen.

Anybody else on their period?

You know, I'm a little bit into

the horror movies.

Can you guess which one?

Carrie, yes.

How many people have seen

Carrie, actually?

Well, see, good, good.

The real special thing

about Carrie

is that she has

telekinetic powers.

Telekinesis means that you can

move things with your mind.

The last time I moved anything

with my head,

it was in a motel room.

The john threw $40

on my come-slick tits

and told me

to get the f*ck out.

I was like,

"I'm leaving, fucker,

I'm leaving."

Good god.

You ain't got to yell at me

like that.

I'll see you at home, dad.

[laughter]

- I'm a drag queen.

When you first start doing drag,

it's, like, you want to be

the fishiest.

You want to have the best body.

But now I want to be a fat girl.

I want to be a fat girl.

You can get d*ck

from anywhere.

Every guy wants to secretly

f*ck a fat bitch, number one.

So I'm not gonna have

no man problems, okay?

I want to be, like, really fat.

I want to get pregnant

and not even know it.

[laughter]

You know, have you seen those

specials on TV?

And it's usually a big girl.

It's, like,

of course she didn't know

she was f*ckin' pregnant.

You know what I mean?

I want to go to the bathroom,

sit on the toilet, and become a

mother, okay?

No matter what size I am,

I will be the body beautiful.

Always, okay?

You want to see?

A little preview?

[cheers and applause]

And I will still [bleep]

turn it, darling.

Always.

- Whoo!

Yes, b*tches!

It is not Angelina Jolie.

It is not Beyoncé.

It is your girl, Alexis,

all the way from Puerto Rico!

[speaking Spanish]

Yes, ma'am, honey!

And I am so excited,

because I always wanted to be

a star, honey,

so I left Puerto Rico behind,

and I moved to united states,

all the way to Florida.

I did travel in first class.

Right in front of that boat,

baby.

Honey, I'm a Latina girl,

and I only have two options

in this country...

being a housekeeper

or being a stripper, b*tches.

And you all know I didn't came

here to clean toilets, baby,

so I became a stripper, baby!

Yes, ma'am, honey.

If god give it to you, baby,

you better make some money.

Yes, ma'am.

I am here and I'm q*eer, baby.

- Mm-hmm.

I said, "Bitch

better have my money."

Right?

Let me tell you something, baby.

They call me Laquifa.

Laquifa the P.M.P.

Now, that stands for

the post-modern pimp ho.

Post-modern pimp ho means, yes,

I'm still a pimp,

but I'm also my own ho.

That's right.

'Cause of the recession, y'all,

I'm telling you,

I done had to scale back.

You know, and sometimes I don't

even pay myself my own money.

Uh-huh.

If I did, maybe

I could get some shoes

where my toes wasn't hanging

five inches off the edge.

Yeah.

I know you tried to clown me

for my cliffhangers.

Yeah, I saw it.

You know, they always try

to clown me on the block, baby.

They always saying, "Laquifa!"

I say, "What?"

They say, "Laquifa,

where your hoes at?"

I said, "Bitch, don't you see

"I'm wearing four pair of hose

right here,

holding back my d*ck?"

Ugh!

Boy, you know,

I had a dumbass girlfriend

that went and joined PETA?

She came screaming at me

last week

talking about, "Laquifa!"

I said, "What?"

She said, "Laquifa,

don't you know

how many innocent animals

had to die

for you to have that fur coat?"

I said, "Bitch,

do you know how many

rich animals I had to f*ck

to get this coat?"

Stupid bitch.

- Hi, everyone.

My parents weren't really big

about the TV.

I really only had, like,

PBS and Sesame Street.

Sesame Street

was one gay-ass block.

Okay, obviously we have

Bert and Ernie.

I mean, they're so gay,

they practically

are board members of GLAAD.

Um, now,

one of my favorite people

that lives on Sesame Street

is the Count.

He's one of those old,

Liberace gays,

and he loves

collecting tchotchkes,

like Faberge eggs.

[imitating Count]

One Faberge egg,

two Faberge egg,

three Faberge egg.

Ah, ah, ah.

- Whoo!

- Hi, I'm Yara Sofia.

I'm gonna make

a long story short.

I met a guy in a club,

and he took me

to wonder restaurant

he call McDonald's.

"You want chicken sandwich?"

I go, "What the hell

is chicken?"

She told me,

"Chicken means pollo."

Pollo means

"cock" in Spain!

So I don't want to eat

a f*cking d*ck sandwich.

After that, he took me

to the apartment,

and he took her clothes off.

"Oh, my god,

what the hell is that?"

He was huge.

The difference between an onion

and a 14-inch d*ck,

both makes me cry.

[laughter]

[imitates flatulence]

Get out, get out, get out,

get out, get out!

Get out, get out, cabron.

There was sh*t

all over the bed.

I felt like a Willy Wonka

Chocolate Factory.

[cheers and applause]

- My name's Delta Work.

I'm in my early to early 30s,

and, um, I'm here in southern

California

just kind of looking for love,

you know,

and it's kind of hard

for a big girl like me,

because it's so

body-conscious in L.A.,

and it freaks me out to think...

who is gonna want

a girl like me?

What?

Is that funny?

Like, I see these stories

about these girls

that they go out running

and then they get,

like, abducted and assaulted,

and, you know, it's, like,

I have to eat frozen burritos.

I have to watch the marathon

of Hoarders.

Because if I go out

and exercise,

I'm gonna get r*ped.

You guys have been

an amazing audience.

Thank you so much

for coming out.

We appreciate you coming out.

- Welcome back, ladies.

It's time for

the judges' critiques.

Let's start with Raja.

How'd you feel out there?

- [exhales noisily]

I'm so glad that's over.

It was really challenging.

- What I loved

about your performance

was that you had a topper

of your topper line

when you said the dad.

- Yeah.

- When did you think of that?

- Today.

- Today.

It was good.

The makeup is flawless.

I could go on and on, but wow.

Your face is by far the most

beautiful you've ever looked.

- I notice you had a lot of

setup;

not a lot of punch lines.

- Overall, I thought

you did a great job,

and it's not easy to go first,

and you look...

♪ Fantastic ♪

- ♪ Thank you ♪

- Next up, Carmen Carrera.

- Hey, guys.

- You didn't share your act

with Rita yesterday.

Was that a strategy you had?

- No, not at all.

My way of thinking

is very weird.

Some people, I guess,

think that I might be,

like, not paying attention

and not focusing,

but I'm always in my head.

- How is your head?

- My head is good.

- Haven't had any complaints

yet.

[laughter]

- Rita, what'd you think?

- Well, I was so proud of you.

I couldn't figure out where

the jokes were gonna come from,

and you figured it out.

- I thought that you were pretty

and you relied on that,

so that performance completely

changed my opinion of you.

- I love the hair and the

outfit.

It's like Wonder Woman meets my

favorite shag rug.

If you can be beautiful and

funny, there's your super power.

- I thought you were gonna suck.

Honest to god.

I am so proud of you tonight.

- Thank you.

- Hey, Carmen, are you actually

wearing anything

underneath that jacket?

- I kind of wanted to

show you guys my real body.

- [laughs]

If I looked like that,

I would never

take that outfit off

or put clothes on.

- Thank you, Carmen.

Up next, Alexis Mateo.

- I loved your reveal,

and they are big.

There's "a", "b", "c",

and Volkswagens.

I think maybe you relied

a little bit too much

on the visual gag.

- In radio,

you call it a crutch.

It's when you repeat something

over and over

'cause you don't know

what to say.

In Alexis' case it was "honey."

"Listen, honey.

"Let me tell you something,

honey.

No, honey.

Honey, honey, honey."

but be aware of those crutches.

- All right, Alexis.

Thank you.

Shangela Laquifa Wadley.

The pimptress.

- All right.

- I loved your concept.

It was so strong.

You kept on that theme.

And there was absolutely

no dead air.

- I just felt like people

were really with you,

and we felt like we

were in the hands of a pro.

- You look better tonight

than I've ever seen you look.

- You blended,

and I see the major difference.

- Thank you.

- So kudos to you, Shangela.

- I think that

that act and your talent

is money in the bank.

- Next up, Manila.

Now, the Sesame Street jokes

were very funny.

Did you think of those, or had

you heard them somewhere else?

- No, I just kind of, like,

quick made it up.

I mean, maybe someone else

suspects it too?

- I think the audience

took a b*at to get to know you.

And especially

following Laquifa.

You know, you had to really

readjust the whole energy

of the audience.

- The content that you had

for the jokes

and what they were based on,

some of them were lost

because when we were

sort of laughing,

you were onto the other one.

- Were you nervous?

- I kind of was.

- You did feel the most

rehearsed of everybody.

Like, maybe in a stiffer way.

- Everything about you visually

is right on point tonight,

Manila.

But I feel like I've heard

a lot of those jokes before.

I mean, the Bert and Ernie joke,

let's be honest.

Everybody has been telling that.

- Up next, Yara Sofia.

- Yes!

Yes!

- What was

your character's name?

- Blara.

I have a friend

that is a little person,

and he pushed me to do it.

- And he would not be offended

by this at all?

- No.

I did it with the respect.

This is the stand-up comedy

that comedians do

in Puerto Rico.

- I was wondering if

it was going to be too graphic,

but I knew your energy

would take care of it,

and we loved watching you.

- I don't know

what you talked about,

except chicken and some sh*t.

- I have to say,

I love the character,

and your capacity

to stay on your knees

could earn you a lot of money

somewhere.

- Up next, we've got Delta Work.

You seemed a little bit nervous.

- I loved the beginning,

but at the end,

we kind of went a bit of

a distance without a laugh.

- I did notice going off-track

of what I thought

I was gonna do,

and I guess in some...

somewhere in my mind,

I thought

that was being organic.

- It started off sort of strong.

It felt very defined.

And then, I feel like

maybe you lost your way.

And then I felt like

there wasn't a payoff.

- Just remember, when

you're portraying a character,

you got to go

all the way with it.

So pump it up.

Get out of your head.

- Okay.

- All right, ladies,

I think we've heard enough.

Now, while you all

enjoy an Absolut cocktail

in the Interior Illusions

Lounge,

the judges and I

will deliberate.

You may leave the stage.

[car engine starts]

- Just between us girls,

let's start with Raja.

- First of all, I love the

bucket of blood on her head.

She didn't really go inward

for her comedy.

- We didn't get to know

anything more about Raja.

- Had she incorporated

or paralleled

her own story

with Carrie's story,

it would have been funny.

Let's talk about Carmen Carrera.

- She was the one

I was worried about.

She didn't tell me one joke.

And she thought about it

and came back with it.

I was so impressed.

- Tonight she did

a great performance.

I was very happy to see

that personality come out.

- Honey, Alexis Mateo.

I was a little disappointed

that she rushed through it.

She didn't let her routine

breathe.

- It just seemed

super amateur to me.

- I liked her physicality.

She had some fun dance moves,

but I don't remember her act.

- Shangela.

She was very confident

and comfortable on the stage.

- What she had was a character

I've never seen before,

and she has a catchphrase

that I want to hear

over and over.

- To me, as a stand-up,

the audience wants to know

that they're in good hands.

With Laquifa, we wanted to go

along on the ride.

- Her makeup was a lot better

tonight too.

- It really was.

- I think she did a good job.

- Manila Luzon.

A lot of people

recognized her routine.

Or it just felt very familiar.

- I do think

she added some things

that I'd never heard of,

like Mr. Rogers and the mailman.

I've never heard that.

But it didn't seem fresh.

- Yara Sofia.

That bitch was crazy.

She reminded me of Andy Kaufman,

who did things that sort of

just freaked people out,

but they still laughed.

- I always say, when you do

something, do it 110%.

- Mm-hmm.

- And I think she did it 120%.

- I felt like it could be at,

like, the Whitney Museum as,

like, a performance.

- The Whitney and Bobby Museum.

- [laughs]

- Delta Work.

- It started out good,

and then it just went

all over the place.

- It was kind of dark,

wasn't it?

- And it was a bit sad.

- She's thinking way too much

about everything that she says.

She's got a constant sadness

around her.

- All right, silence!

I've made my decision.

Send in the clowns.

- Welcome back, ladies.

Now, based on your ability

to tickle our funny bones,

I've made some decisions.

Alexis Mateo,

you're safe.

- Thank you.

- Raja...

bloody well done.

You are safe.

- Thank you.

- Manila, your presentation

was stiff.

I'm sorry, my dear,

but you are up for elimination.

- When Ru says I'm in the bottom

two, I'm in shock.

At this point in the game,

like, where we're all so good,

like, any little f*ck-up

is now magnified.

- Shangela,

as a post-modern pimp,

you bitch-slapped

the competition.

Condragulations.

You are the winner

of this challenge.

[applause]

You've won an original

custom-designed gown

from Miami Elite Designs.

- Hallelu.

[laughter]

I'm almost speechless,

and the judges' response to me

makes me just feel like

I'm going

in the right direction.

Thank you.

- Yara Sofia, you're safe.

You may join the other girls.

- Aah!

[laughter]

- Carmen Carrera, you're safe.

Delta Work, my dear.

This week, you lost your way.

I'm sorry, but you are

up for elimination.

- Okay.

I'm pissed off because this

should be my first time

in the bottom.

This shouldn't be my third time

in the bottom.

- Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last chance

to impress me

and to save yourself

from elimination.

- Oh, my god.

I don't want Delta to go.

- The time has come

for you to lip-synch

for your life.

Good luck, and don't f*ck it up.

[intro to Macarthur Park plays]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Spring was never waiting ♪

♪ For us, dear ♪

♪ It ran one step ahead ♪

♪ As we followed in the dance ♪

♪ Macarthur Park is melting ♪

♪ In the dark ♪

♪ Someone left the cake out ♪

♪ In the rain ♪

♪ I don't think ♪

♪ That I can take it ♪

♪ 'Cause it took ♪

♪ So long to bake it ♪

♪ And I'll never have ♪

♪ That recipe again ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ Ah-ha ♪

- [laughs]

- ♪ I recall ♪

♪ The yellow ♪

♪ On the ground ♪

♪ Beneath your knees ♪

♪ Macarthur Park ♪

♪ Is melting in the dark ♪

♪ All the sweet, green icing ♪

♪ Flowing down ♪

♪ I don't think ♪

♪ That I can take it ♪

♪ 'Cause it took so long ♪

♪ To bake it ♪

♪ And I'll never have ♪

♪ That recipe again ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

- I'm looking at Manila,

and I'm going, "Wow.

This is Broadway."

♪ ♪

- ♪ Oh, and after ♪

♪ All the loves in my life ♪

♪ You'll still be the one ♪

♪ And I'll ask myself why ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Whoo!

- Yeah!

[applause]

- That is what a lip-synch

for your life

is all about.

Now, I have made my decision.

Manila, shante, you stay.

- Thank you for everything

you've given me.

I love you.

[crying]

- f*ck.

- Delta, you are a great queen,

and this experience

will propel you

into a phase where you can trust

your god-given instinct.

You know what?

I love you.

I adore you.

- Thank you.

- Now, sashay away.

- Thank you very much.

[applause]

- I'm gonna miss you.

- [crying]

- I took some risks.

Um, it didn't work in this case,

but I'm not disappointed

in myself.

I'm so happy

to have made it this far,

and I'm just glad

to have lost to a Heather,

not to one of the boogers.

- Condragulations, girls.

You are all one step closer to

becoming America's next

drag superstar.

And remember,

if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell are you gonna

love somebody else?

Can I get an amen in here?

all: Amen!

- All right,

now let the music play.

[upbeat music plays]

♪ ♪