02x03 - Country Queens

[bunniefuu]

- Previously

on RuPaul's Drag Race...

- Big girls are gonna represent

this year.

f*ck them skinny b*tches.

- Pandora, you stuck me

with these f*cking b*tches.

Oh, my God.

I'm in a group with, like,

Satan's baby.

I could be a bigger bitch.

- I need money!

My biggest fears in

the competition is my English.

Please help me.

- Raven, during the solo,

you didn't make a lot of money.

- f*ck.

I f*cked this up.

- You're up for elimination.

Nicole Paige Brooks,

sashay away.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

- And tonight...

Well, howdy, y'all.

The dolls will be gagging on

the eleganza.

- Aah!

- And it don't taste like

chicken.

- Did you just put shortening

in your crotch?

- Cock a doodle doo!

- With extra special

guest judges

Kathy Najimy

and Tanya Tucker.

- Whoo!

- The winner

of RuPaul's Drag Race

will receive a lifetime supply

of NYX Cosmetics

and be the face of

nyxcosmetics.com,

an exclusive one-year

P.R. contract

with the leading LGBT firm

Project Publicity,

be featured in L.A. Eyeworks'

legendary

designer eyewear campaign,

and headline

Logo's Drag Race Tour

featuring exceptional

Absolut drinks,

and a cash prize of $25,000.

And may the best woman win.

[alarm beeps]

- Oh, God.

- Oh, wow.

- Not a picnic.

- Oh...

- We're eating something.

- Do we have to eat?

- Oh, Lord.

- As we walked into

the work space,

all I saw was one long table

with ten chairs.

Something is going in my mouth.

I know that much.

- Just hope it ain't

no cherry pie.

- Nicole says, "Be safe, bitch."

- There's more room over here

now.

Coming back into the work room

after Nicole had left

and I had to lip synch

for my life, it felt good

that I had b*at her.

Being in the bottom two, bitch?

No.

- I bet that's nerve-racking.

- I did not come here

to lip synch for my life.

I came here to win.

- We love you, Nicole.

- But you got to go.

[siren wails]

- Ooh, girl.

You've got she-mail.

Cock a doodle doo.

Howdy, racers.

Are you

a coal miner's daughter

or just a boy named Sue?

Well, either way,

for this next challenge,

you best pray that Jesus

takes the wheel.

And remember,

no matter what happens,

I will always love you.

[laughs]

Well, howdy, y'all.

[cheers and applause]

Well, my, my, my.

Go on, now.

Sit a spell, y'all.

Now, Georgia is where my career

really took off.

I am a country queen at heart.

In those early years,

I had no money.

I would eat anything.

And now that's what

you're gonna do.

[groaning]

- Mystique's gonna finally win

a challenge.

Finally.

- Your mini-challenge

is a taste test

to figure out if what

you're eating is chicken...

or what.

What?!

Or chicken.

Chicken or what?!

The first two queens

to get three points

will be the winners.

Oh, and please put on your

blindfolds.

- Oh.

- No, sir.

- I did not know that this was

gonna be drag Survivor.

- Here is y'all's first course.

Ready?

Let's eat.

- Mm.

Answers please.

The correct answer is "what?!"

They were bull testicles.

- Are you f*cking kidding me?

- Nothing says country cuisine

like bull testicles.

Okay, ladies.

Second course.

Dig in.

It's finger-licking good.

All right.

Answers please.

The correct answer is "what?!"

Mystique has two right.

Morgan has two.

And Pandora has two.

What you just put in your mouth

was soy chicken.

- Oh, okay.

- Isn't so bad.

Third course.

Dig in.

[ominous music]

- Ew.

- I'm thinking that it's, like,

a rat tail or something.

I knew that wasn't chicken,

honey.

- Chicken or what?!

The correct answer is "what?!"

Now, what you just put

in your mouth...

were frog legs.

- Oh!

- Ladies, we have a three-way

tie between Mystique...

- Hell yeah.

- Pandora, and Morgan.

In front of you is a basket of

chicken, rabbit, alligator,

and deep-fried cow brains.

Mm-mm.

The first two queens to finish

everything in their baskets

and show me their empty mouths

will be the winners.

Are you ready?

Dig in.

Melts in your mouth.

Not in your hands.

- I had a plan.

Chew halfway, fill your mouth

with water, swallow.

- f*ck these skinny b*tches.

Yummy.

You have to eat everything.

- Hell yeah.

- All right.

Empty mou...all right, she ate

everything.

Mystique is...we have a winner

over here.

- Mystique might as well have

picked up the basket,

opened the hatch,

and just dropped it down.

She was done like that.

- It's down to Pandora

and Morgan McMichaels.

Morgan has two morsels left.

- Swallow, Morgan.

Swallow.

- I took one swallow of

cow brains, and I just ralphed.

- Aah!

- You're still in the game.

You're still in the game.

- Come on, Pandora.

You got it, girl.

You got it.

- We got a second winner

over here.

Morgan McMichaels.

- [belches]

- Congratulations,

Mystique and Morgan.

You're winners, baby,

and the captains for your next

group challenge.

- Congratulations.

- For today's main challenge,

you'll be sh**ting a commercial

for Disco Extra-Greasy

Shortening.

That's Disco...Extra-Greasy.

And you're gonna be selling it

country-queen style.

Okay, Mystique.

Who do you choose?

- Pandora.

- Pandora, come on down.

- Raven.

- West coast.

- West coast.

- Juju.

- Laotian in the house.

- Sahara.

- I was picking strategically.

Other people was probably not.

They was picking friends.

Tatianna.

- Tatianna.

- Sonique.

- So Jessica and Tyra remain.

- Mystique kind of looked at me

like, "Who?"

And I was like,

"f*ck no to Tyra."

- The spicy Latina.

- Jessica.

- It didn't bother me at all.

They saved the best for last.

- Here are two scripts for your

commercials.

One for fried chicken

and one for fried fish fillets.

Mystique, you get to pick one.

- I'll get the closest one...

- All right.

Both commercials have the same

country queen characters.

Your commercials will debut

tomorrow on the main stage.

Gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the best woman win.

- We have fried fish fillets.

- Fish?

- I like some fish.

- There's a little concern in

my mind about Mystique leading.

- We're gonna have you as

Disco Critter.

You have this line

and you have that line,

then that's it.

- I picked Jessica because

I didn't want her

to have a part where she has

to actually listen

to everybody mingle in with

everybody.

You don't know that much

English.

- All right.

- Ellie Mae?

- I'm a chameleon, darling.

I can do whatever I need to.

- Aunt Judy Faye,

and Baby Girl.

- Baby Girl.

- Who wants to do

Aunt Judy Faye?

I asked the girls who they felt

they wanted to do.

Then I made the executive

decision.

Do you want to do Ellie Mae?

- Yeah.

- Do you want to do the baby?

- Doesn't matter.

- I think she has more

of a baby face.

- I do too.

- I'll be the baby.

I'll be the baby.

- Everyone wanted to be

something, you know, fun,

something, you know, pretty.

- Disco Critter, do you want

to do that part?

- You're gonna be, like,

a chicken.

- A chicken.

- So I get the Disco Critter,

which is a f*cking chicken.

And it really pissed me off.

- Okay, so Raven

has Disco Critter.

Raven is the best makeup artist

in this competition by far.

I knew that Raven would be able

to execute the character

with her personality

and her makeup skills.

- Yeah, I'm gonna be

a f*cking chicken.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Welcome to another

home-fried meal.

Welcome to another home...

- Do you need help

learning that?

- What?

- Do you need help

learning that?

- No, no.

- Okay, okay.

- The girls said,

"We give the chicken

because don't talk a lot."

At the end, I realize

the chicken talk a lot.

Welcome to another

home-fry meal.

- Mystique decides to give

Jessica

the opening and closing

monologues, I'll say.

They weren't just lines.

- Shortening?

- Shortening.

- Shortening?

Shortening.

- Shortenin'.

- Shortenin'.

- I'm kind of scared.

- [groaning]

- Uh, I hope this don't

fall apart.

- The main challenge today

is to put on a commercial

for Disco Extra-Greasy

Shortening.

- Oh, Auntie, I just had the

worst day of my life.

- Ellie Mae,

why ya in such a state?

- We only had about three hours

to learn the lines.

- It's that mean

Billie Joe McAllister.

He's been picking on me all day.

My biggest worry for the team

at this time is just getting

the lines in.

Mystique, she's working

double time.

both: Disco Extra-Greasy.

- I think Mystique's doing

a fabulous job.

I am surprised.

I like her a lot.

- Greasy...

- [hissing]

- So are you happy

with who you picked?

- Yes. I think

this is the best team.

Mystique, she f*cking swallowed

that basket like the only one.

- She took the basket

and went "gulp."

- Words are words.

People think words don't hurt

'cause they're just words,

but when you hear it

every day...

f*ck everybody else.

- Okay, everybody.

One more time.

Go ahead, Jessica.

- Anna Grain...

Grain Annie?

- Granny.

- "Granny ain't," right?

- No, Granny's separate.

Granny is just one person.

- Oh, Aunt Judy.

Always in my life, when I want

something, it's not easy,

but I am going to keep going,

and I am going to work.

- Howdy.

all: Howdy-do, Ru?

- So this is the McCoys,

isn't it?

- Yes, ma'am.

- The Real McCoys.

You think you know your lines?

- Yes.

- I'd love to hear 'em.

- Welcome to another

home-fried meal,

courtesy of Disco

Extra-Greasy Shortening.

- Auntie, what's for dinner?

- It's your favorite, Ellie Mae.

- Why, it's so delicious.

- And crispy too.

- And crispy too!

- Now, McCoys,

what's your biggest concern

going into this challenge?

- My group from the previous

challenge was in the bottom.

- Right.

- And now that I'm team leader,

I don't want my group to be

in the bottom.

I'm up on the chopping block.

If I'm in the bottom group,

then I'm up for elimination.

You know?

And I think the person in charge

should be...

- Are you basing your characters

on people

in real life or television?

- My mom.

I'm just kidding.

- Is it a sexy Disco Critter?

- It's a fun, funky, fresh,

and country Disco Critter.

But it's gonna be more

of, like, a...

I guess you could say a...

a chicken.

- Uh-huh.

- It's a chicken.

There's no way

to make this pretty.

- All right, McCoys, well,

carry on.

I'll let you finish

getting ready.

- I'm really confident.

I think we're gonna win.

- Well, hello, Hatfields.

- Hey, Ru.

- Hi!

- Come on over and talk to me.

I want to hear about

your characterizations.

Now, I asked the other kids

to do an impromptu

table reading.

You think you're prepared enough

to do one for me?

- I'm not ready.

- And action.

- Welcome to another m...

Ugh.

Welcome to another fried, hot,

meal.

The...

Ooh.

- It's that

Billie Joe McAllister.

He...

He says I like fish.

- Every Hatfield woman does.

She does,

and there's another line.

Ain't that right, Granny?

- That's right.

We all love fish.

- I don't know if it was just

the pressure of doing it

in front of RuPaul, but it just

really just flopped.

- Still a little bit

underprepared for the challenge.

Jessica, did you choose

your role,

or was your role assigned

to you?

- No, my leader.

- And you chose Jessica

to have a role

with so many lines because...

- I know she'll turn it out

and have fun with it.

- Uh-huh.

- I'm nervous that if we fail,

I'm gonna go down,

because I'm the captain.

I'm responsible for everything.

- McCoys, can you come over

to this table?

Gather round, kids.

Ladies, in a moment, you'll be

sh**ting your commercials.

And I'm sending in a pro

to help coach you

with your performances.

You'll be working with

our special guest judge

Kathy Najimy.

- Whoo!

- One last thing.

There's a little twist.

I want you to swap scripts.

So now the Hatfields

will be the McCoys,

and the McCoys will be

the Hatfields.

- She switches

the f*cking scripts.

- Sorry for the last-minute

change, but that's showbiz.

- We're definitely gagging.

- Don't f*ck it up, y'all.

Bye.

all: Bye.

- It really pissed me off.

Because we're now having

to not only

learn new lines

but get dressed.

Oh.

- Here we go.

Let's start again.

- This is gonna separate

the girls from the women, honey.

- It's time for Team McCoy

to do our commercial.

We look ugly, fabulous,

and we're owning it.

- Oh, how "purdy" you are.

Of course you know Kathy Najimy.

- Hi.

- She will be directing

the commercial for you all.

- All right,

we're gonna kick butt

on this, okay, you guys?

- I can't believe

she's standing

in the same room that I'm in.

I'm just...I just want to pee

everywhere, just soak myself.

- Here we go, people.

- I am going to feel that I am

a pollo,

so the chicken enter fierce.

- Take one.

- Hi!

Welcome to another

home-fried meal

courtesy of Disco

Extra-Greasy Shortening!

- Cut.

That was great.

Go a little slower,

'cause we really

want to understand

what you're saying. Okay.

- Welcome to another

home-fried meal!

- Wait, can you stop?

Can we cut?

Can you...

is it "home-fried male"?

Is it "home-fried male"?

- Home-fried meal.

- Meal. Okay.

- Comida!

- Thought she was gonna

fry up a boy.

- Hi!

Welcome to another

home-fried meal!

- Howdy, Auntie.

What's for dinner?

- It's your favorite, Ellie Mae.

- Is it a Tic Tac?

- Cut.

Ellie Mae...everything she's

saying

should be sex, sex, sex,

even though she's saying

something else.

- What's for dinner?

- It's your favorite, Ellie Mae.

- Auntie, I want you to chain

smoke through the whole thing.

- It's Granny McCoy's famous

fried chicken.

- Cut.

Lots of energy, people.

- What is it, Auntie?

- Oh, please tell her.

The suspense is boring me

to pieces.

When I'm on stage performing,

I tend to use my body a lot,

and this was all face.

That Ellie Mae's dumber than

a box of rocks, ain't she?

- Baby, can you make a tiny bit

of a more baby voice?

- Like this?

- Yeah.

- Oh, please tell her.

The suspense is boring me

to pieces.

- I lost my line.

Okay, I got it. I got it.

I got it.

- And go.

Action.

- sh*t.

I really did lose it this time.

Wait. Hold on.

- We just need

to pick up the speed.

We only have 30 minutes.

- My secret ingredient

is Disco Greasy Shortening.

- And cut.

- That's a real moment

that she could take.

- Yeah.

Grandma, when she says

"something special,"

give me a little of this.

Like, "Of course

you got something special."

- That's the same age I was

when I won your cousin's heart

thanks to Granny's

special ingredient.

- Cut.

- Granny didn't beam with pride

when...

- When I said the thing,

which is the third time.

Does not take direction well.

Grandma, if you don't

turn your head

when they say

"special ingredient,"

I'm gonna run through this thing

and turn it for you.

You have a minute to show

America who your characters are,

so you have to really

pump 'em up.

- I'm super stoked.

Welcome to another

home-fried meal.

- Cut.

Critter, we need more energy

and comedy from you, 'cause you

are in a chicken outfit,

but you're doing a very...

sort of a Meryl Streep thing.

Let's think of a chicken voice.

- I'm thinking the whole time

country accent, Southern accent,

and then I'm told,

"Don't do that;

sound like a chicken."

Welcome to another fun-filled

evening...oh, sh*t.

- Exit and come on again.

- Marker.

- Welcome to another...

oh, sh*t.

I think I could sell ice

to an Eskimo

but not dressed as

a f*cking chicken.

- Chicken, did you do your own

makeup?

'Cause you look a little like

the Joker.

It's scaring me a little bit.

I always like the funny.

- I realize that you're

directing us,

but at the same time, like,

make it seem a little more fun.

- Marker.

- Welcome to another

home-fried meal

courtesy of Disco's Extra...

- Cut. Disco.

Remember,

the money is "Disco."

- Every take, they were telling

her to be energetic,

be energetic.

They should only

have to tell you one time.

- [imitating crying]

- Oh, what's happening?

- Oh, Auntie...

- Cut.

Ellie Mae, when you're

coming in, it's...

I feel like you just saw

an alien

or there's something crawling up

your bottom.

Ellie Mae, she's just all sex

and sad

but not totally freaked out.

- Sexy sad.

- Sexy sad.

And you are the sexiest thing

in the world, right?

You know how to do that.

- Oh, Auntie.

I just had the worst day ever.

- Poor dumb Ellie Mae.

Who's gonna tell her that

she smells like fish?

- 'Course you like eating fish.

All the Hatfield women do.

- Cut.

Auntie, what's your character,

honey?

- She thinks

she's kind of the boss.

- Okay, then more of that.

- Okay.

- And then, Baby,

I was gonna tell you to do

a high voice but don't.

You go lower and deeper

and madder.

It's hilarious.

You're the baby

just out of prison.

I love it.

- [laughs]

- Billie Joe says

it ain't natural

to like fish

so much.

- Well, that's because

he hasn't had a taste

of Granny Hatfield's

fresh fried fish.

- Auntie, meaner and louder.

- Sonique kept falling

in and out of character.

She didn't stay in character

when the cameras were rolling.

- Do it again.

- The quickest way

to a man's heart

is through his stomach.

- Especially when I make it

with Disco

Extra-Greasy Shortening.

- Okay, take it back.

Faster, louder,

and, Granny, turn towards me.

You're really funny,

but I want to see you.

Feel it.

You are your characters.

- You should invite Billie Joe

over here

so he can get a taste

of my fish.

- With Disco, you'll get there

in no time.

[record scratches]

- Granny, did you really

just put shortening

in your crotch?

- Morgan...

she wasn't funny at all.

She was crude.

- A little less

with the crotch sh*ts,

just 'cause

it's a family commercial.

Okay, Baby,

don't change a thing.

- He says I like eating fish.

- Poor dumb Ellie Mae.

- It is awful good.

both: And crispy too.

- Mmm-mmm!

- Great.

- Good job.

- I'm happy, and I'm confident

with what my team did,

and hopefully the judges

will see that.

- Good work, Hatfields

and McCoys.

Now, as Kathy knows,

in show business,

the last sh*t of the day

is called the martini sh*t,

and this is yours.

Please enjoy

some Absolut cocktails.

Now, dolls, you were asked

to bring your best country duds

from home, and tomorrow you'll

get the chance

to wear them

on the main stage.

We'll be joined by our

extra-special guest judge,

country legend Tanya Tucker.

- I love Tanya Tucker.

Her fashion is fierce.

- Whoo!

- The theme of tonight's

runway presentation

is country couture,

country glamour,

country realness.

- The only country I know

is my aunt,

and she's, like,

the most country-est person

in the world.

But she has so many

personalities.

So I'm like,

"I want to give

all the versions of my aunt

in one."

But this isn't country,

right?

- Depends on what kind of

country look you're going for.

- The first time that I ever

did drag in front of my friends

in high school was during

this Halloween party.

I thought I looked sexy, girl,

and then I...yeah, no.

I had, like, this afro on,

balloon boobies.

My best friend...

- You did balloon boobies too?

- I sure did.

- Girl, no, I have never done

drag in high school.

- I did drag in middle school.

- Girl, we know.

You came out the womb

putting on makeup.

- I know.

- Do you feel like a woman,

or do you feel

like a drag queen?

- A little bit of both.

I mean, when you're in drag,

don't...

you don't just feel

like a drag queen.

Sometimes you might feel

a little bit more womanly

one day.

You might feel a little bit

more fierce.

- I feel like a drag queen

when I'm in drag.

- I feel like a performer,

and that's it.

- Girl, your cheeks

are really ashy.

- What, right here?

- Yeah.

- Girl, I haven't dust yet.

- Uh, it's obvious.

You cooking?

- It's on slow roast.

Like that chicken we have.

- Best chicken, Granny.

- It's all in this can.

- She like,

"It's all in this can!"

- The reason

why I started doing drag

is because I always thought

I was cute.

I have never in my life

been told I was cute as a guy.

Never.

Mystique is pretty.

Everybody loves Mystique.

- I look around the room.

I see everybody looks like

a country diva.

And then I see

what Mystique is wearing.

She looks like she's a big girl

going out to a club.

I don't think the hat goes

with the outfit...

- Yeah, I know.

- Personally.

But you're a queen yourself,

so you choose.

Mm-mm.

[RuPaul laughing]

[applause]

- Oh, my Lord.

- Hi, everyone.

Santino, how are you, baby?

- What's that flower you got on?

- I feel like an ice-cold glass

of country-style lemonade.

[laughter]

- Pink lemonade.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

we have

Miss Tanya Tucker

in the house tonight.

- Whoo!

- Thank you so much.

- Oh, love it.

Hey, Miss Kathy.

- Hello, my darling.

- This week we asked the ladies

to put the charisma, uniqueness,

nerve, and talent

back in country

as two feuding teams

to sh**t a TV commercial for

Disco Extra-Greasy Shortening.

Tonight, they come

to the main stage

decked out in their best

denim and diamond couture.

Judges, are you ready to see

what they turned out?

- Ready.

- Whoo-hoo.

- Gentlemen, start your engines.

And may the best woman win.

Sonique.

- Sonique is everything

that I feel on the inside.

When you feel good

on the inside, it shows.

- Wow.

- She's working it.

A little Tanya Tucker.

- Yeah.

- Ooh.

- The devil went down

to Georgia.

Jujubee.

- During my runway,

all I can think about is,

"Mama, you have to hit this."

- She's popping her cherry

again?

- She's popping her cherry

again.

Raven.

- That's so not Raven.

- I know, right?

- Yeah, the Guess girl.

- I've never seen her

so sweet-looking.

- I feel adorable.

Like a cherry

on top of a cupcake.

- The girl next door.

- Well, next door to what?

- Best little whorehouse

in Texas.

[laughter]

- Sahara.

That much leg

should be against the law.

- I'm a dancer, so of course

I'm gonna try

and incorporate that

every chance I get.

A little bootin',

a little shuffle.

- Y'all come back now, ya hear?

All right, Mommy.

- I wanted to do country,

but I wanted it to have

an urban twist.

- It's kind of like Raquel Welch

went to the country.

- Well, you know, it's hard

to keep 'em on the farm

after they've been

to RuPaul's Drag Race.

- That's hard.

- Pandora Boxx.

Cowgirl hall of fame.

- I'm feeling like my outfit

is cute and country.

- This ain't her first time at

the rodeo.

- Even cowgirls get the blues.

- Oh.

Jessica Wild.

- I feel good

because I feel sexy.

I feel that

I am in the country.

- Our little Jessica's

growing up.

She's filling out her jeans.

Her Apple Bottom jeans.

Mystique.

Star Jones before the pilates.

- My strategy in the game

is pretty much to stand out.

To be totally different

from everybody else.

So it can work in my favor.

- Yes, yes.

Uh-huh.

And do-si-do, Mama.

Morgan McMichaels.

The look of today's

country girl.

- Kind of new,

romantic country.

- I think there's just

a one-track mind

about what country is.

You don't have to be Podunk

to be country.

- Aren't they gorgeous,

those boots?

Tyra Sanchez, the other Tyra.

- I try to give the judges

another side of me every week.

- Whoo!

- Flip off that skirt!

- Whoo!

- I'll change

at the gas station, Mama.

You won't even know.

- Wow.

Oh, yes.

Now she's Super Tyra.

I'll take one in every color.

Hello, my country queens.

Let's take a look

at the world premiere

of your Disco Extra-Greasy

Shortening commercial.

- Welcome to another

home-fried meal

courtesy of Disco

Extra-Greasy Shortening.

- Howdy, Auntie.

What's for dinner?

- It's your favorite...

Granny McCoy's

famous fried chicken.

- My secret is right in

this can.

- Ain't that Disco Extra-Greasy

Shortening?

- Sure is, Ellie Mae.

- The quickest way to a man's

heart is through his stomach.

- And with Disco

Extra-Greasy Shortening,

you'll get there in no time.

- This is so delicious.

all: And crispy too!

- Put some crispy

in your cock a "doddle" doo

with Disco

Extra-Greasy Shortening!

Whoo!

- Our commercial was hilarious.

I loved it.

- Let's take a look

at the world premiere

of your Disco Extra-Greasy

Shortening commercial.

- Welcome to another

home-fried meal courtesy

of Disco Extra-Greasy

Shortening.

- Oh, Auntie.

It's that mean

Billie Joe McAllister.

He been picking on me all day.

He says I like eating fish.

- Poor dumb Ellie Mae.

Who's gonna tell her that

she smells like fish too?

- That's because

he hasn't tried

Granny Hatfield's

fried fish fillets.

- Especially when I make it

with Disco Extra-Greasy

Shortening.

- Well, if you ask me,

it ain't just the fish

that that McAllister boy's

afraid of.

- The quickest way to a man's

heart is through his stomach.

- It is awful good.

both: And crispy too.

Mmm-mmm.

- Add some crispy

to your fried fish fillet

with Disco Extra-Greasy

Shortening.

Cock a doodle doo!

- So Hatfields, McCoys,

both of your commercials

have highlights

and lowlights.

But I do have a favorite.

And that is...

The McCoys.

Good work.

[applause]

Now this week,

we had you work as teams.

But tonight each of you

will be judged

on your individual performance.

In other words,

no one is safe.

When I call your name,

please step forward.

Sonique.

Jujubee.

Morgan McMichaels.

Tatianna.

Sahara Davenport.

You girls, you are safe.

Congratulations.

You may leave the stage.

The five of you represent

the best and the worst

of the week.

Let's begin

our judges' critiques.

Let's start with Raven.

- I did think the performance

was a little

all over the map.

- It was kind of a mixed bag.

I didn't actually know

if you knew

that you were kind of playing

an animal or a chicken.

- Well, when we were practicing,

I didn't realize that

I should do it as a chicken.

- What did you think

you were gonna do it as?

- Well, do the voice

as a chicken.

- Now, Kathy,

you directed Raven in the piece.

- I directed Raven

in the piece.

PS, you look so cute.

I could put you in a smoothie

and drink you.

But I also sense

a real seriousness about you.

Honey, you have to look

around you.

This is just a bowl

full of fun soup.

Lighten up a little bit

and have a good time.

- All right, next up,

Jessica Wild.

Show us your Apple Bottom jeans.

- My Apple Bottom...

- Hey.

- Yeah, I want to mount her.

You are giving thoroughbred

realness today.

[laughter]

- What'd you think of her

as the Disco Critter?

- I thought she did a good job

with your language.

I can barely speak English,

so...

- Put some crispy

in your cock a "doddle" doo!

I love my character

because I love the Muppets,

so I feel like I am a Muppet.

- Thank you, my dear.

Pandora Boxx,

did you make this outfit,

or did you buy it?

- Um, it's bought,

but then I took the fabric

that we had for all the costumes

and added the little lady.

- Ah, crafty.

- I love your outfit.

I love what you did to it.

And it kind of...

kind of reminds me of me.

- Santino.

- Oh.

I'm not gonna be your favorite.

It almost looks like

you're in a child pageant

or something.

I'm thinking, like, you read,

like, 12 or 13,

and then I'm, like...I'm just

kind of creeped out.

- I don't think Pandora

is a fashion girl.

But what I do get all over

from Pandora is comedy.

I thought you were

the funniest person, actually.

- The quickest way

to a man's heart

is through his stomach.

- It was definitely fun to do.

It was kind of my element.

- Very funny.

Mystique Summers Madison.

Are you feeling Southern?

- I went with how my friends

back home dressed as,

since they're country.

- Well, I hear

what you're saying,

but it's not really sort of

the country look.

- I want to stand out

by going as

the normal, mall-wear country.

- [laughs]

- As the country girls...where...

where they still can have on

a nice shirt.

- Isn't this the same top

you wore in the challenge,

though?

- Yes, this is a skirt,

a one-piece skirt.

And I made it more updated

with the gauchos

and everything.

- Why the f*ck

did you wear that

and try and make up

some bullshit f*cking story?

- I love the way you do

your runway.

I thought your runway

was great.

- It almost seems like

you're twirling even more

because you know that your

outfit is not working today.

- When you walked out just now,

I said,

"I totally forgot

that you're not female."

I just thought, "Well, there's

that gorgeous woman."

It's a bummer about the outfit.

That's a bummer.

- Tyra Sanchez, you tore it up,

Miss Thing.

- I think

some maybe had a hard time

coming up with one outfit.

You came up with three looks

that you gave us.

The only thing

I would ask you is,

when you transform into Tyra,

why doesn't your voice change?

- Well, I can't go higher.

I can try for you.

- What's the highest note

you can hit?

- Happy birthday,

Mr. President.

- Happy birthday, Mr. President.

- That's...that's totally

believable.

- Let's talk about

your commercial.

You played the baby.

- I actually thought about

my own son.

He wakes up

in the middle of the night

out of nowhere and just like,

"Can I have some water?"

And by the time

I get the water

and bring it back to him,

he's asleep again.

- Well, all right.

Ladies, while you enjoy

an Absolut cocktail

in the Interior Illusions

Lounge,

the judges and I

will deliberate.

Thank you.

[engine starts]

Let's talk about Mystique.

- She's got that

really pretty face.

The only problem I had

was the outfit.

- Yeah.

- So far off the mark.

- Yeah.

- Stood out

in all the wrong ways.

- That outfit...

that was inexcusable.

- Yeah.

- And then having to explain

why...

[laughs]

Not good. Not good.

Okay, so we're gonna go on

over to Tyra.

She's a gorgeous gal.

- Yes.

- She's clearly inventive

with her presentation.

Do you think Tyra's voice

is working against her?

- I think just a little bit.

- She has a very deep voice.

- Because when you look at her,

there's nothing...

I can't see anything wrong.

- Yeah.

Let's talk about Raven.

Didn't do so well

in the commercial.

- I missed the funny.

Obviously

you're in a chicken suit.

That's the first clue

to be funny.

- Raven looked so beautiful

on the runway,

but I thought,

as the Disco Critter,

Jessica did a better job

than Raven did.

- Yes.

Jessica Wild

is from Puerto Rico,

doesn't speak the language

very well,

and she seemed to master

the Disco Critter very well.

- She just went wild.

- I find her really charming

and a great, spicy addition

to this lineup.

- Yes.

- But is she America's

next drag superstar?

That's the question

we have to ask.

- I don't know.

- Pandora Boxx.

Santino had an issue...

- Hate, hate.

- With Pandora Boxx's outfit.

- It's just very just,

uh, pedestrian.

- She is a fantastic comedienne.

- My favorite to work with.

She's got...she's got

some comedy going.

- Silence.

I've made my decision.

Bring back the girls.

Ladies, welcome back.

Pandora, if you want to win

this race,

you need to step up your style.

You're safe.

You may join the other girls.

Mystique, you were slow

to make adjustments on set

during the commercial.

When we asked you to give us

your best country couture,

you came up empty-handed.

I'm sorry.

You're up for elimination.

- I knew this was probably

gonna happen this way.

They didn't see me as

their version

of country realness.

You can't please everybody.

- Jessica.

You're safe.

You may join the other girls.

Raven.

I see flashes of star power

in you.

But as quickly as it comes,

it fades away.

Do you have the consistency

to be the next

drag superstar?

I'm sorry, but you're up for

elimination.

- So once again

I'm in the bottom two.

Honestly, I don't feel like

I belong in the bottom two

with Mystique.

- Tyra Sanchez,

your runway was a hit.

And your Baby Girl

made me laugh out loud.

Congratulations.

You're the winner

of this challenge.

[applause]

Which means you have immunity

next week.

Plus you'll receive a collection

of designer bags,

handmade in Italian leather,

from M. Clifford Designs.

Congratulations, Tyra.

You may join the other girls.

- This is the first challenge

that I won,

and I feel great.

I feel amazing.

Because last week they were

making me out

to be a bitch of the group.

And I'm not a bitch.

I'm America's sweetheart.

- Two queens stand before me.

I've consulted with the judges.

But the final decision

is mine to make.

Ladies, this is your last chance

to impress me

and save yourself

from elimination.

The time has come

for you

to lip synch for your life.

Good luck, and remember...

Don't f*ck it up.

[country rock music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ You went away

and left me long ago ♪

♪ And now you're knocking

on my door ♪

♪ I hear you knocking ♪

- Lip synch area is my stage.

That's my battleground.

And I'm gonna go balls

to the wall.

- I was gonna duke it out.

I don't care

if the wig flew off.

I don't care if I broke a heel.

At that point,

it was do or die,

'cause I was not gonna go home

up against Mystique.

- ♪ Telling me ♪

♪ All your lies ♪

♪ I hear you knocking ♪

♪ But you can't come in ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I hear you knocking ♪

♪ Go back where you've been ♪

[applause]

- Whoo!

- Mystique...

Raven...

I've made my decision.

Raven, you've been

down this road twice.

But you keep pulling through.

And it's that kind of resilience

it takes to win this race.

Shante.

You stay.

- Thank you very much.

Thank you.

If I was told to sashay away

and Mystique is still standing

up there,

I would have

f*cking slit my wrists.

- Mystique Summers Madison,

I want you to believe

in yourself, because I do.

Now sashay away.

[laughter]

- Got it, girl.

Good job.

- I'm not gonna change

who I am

to win a competition.

I'm gonna be Mystique.

Take me as I am

or nothing at all.

So I'm going home

with my head held up high.

- Dolls, like every good

country song,

we will live through

this heartache.

Mystique is gone,

but we will carry on

in the tradition

of all great country queens.

Now remember,

if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell are you gonna

love somebody else?

Can I get an amen in here?

all: Amen.

- Let the music play!

[dance music]