01x05 - Reno, Baby!

[bunniefuu]

Whoa...

What is this
wondrous metropolis?

This is where it's
all gonna go down.

The Taj Mahal of Ten-pins.

The National
Bowling Stadium.

Your battleground.

- You're damn right.

Wow. This is
some fancy place.

Did you see the sign?

Kevin James is
headlining here!

The mall cop?

That means you know
it's top-notch.

Well, well, well.

Look who it is.

We literally planned to meet
here at this exact time.

It's not at all surprising.

Wow.
This place is nice.

And apparently,
the spa is to die for.

So what do you say, Knuchles?
Wanna get a massage later?

Yes! My body is
literally one giant muscle!

You know what,
I'm gonna hit up a bar, dude.

Get myself a Wandarita.

Hey, Knucks.
That's what I call a margarita.

- That sounds fun.
I want a Wandarita!
- No.

No. There will
be no Wandaritas.

There will be
no massages.

We're on the run.
We need to keep a low profile.

Hey, Wade. That's fine

if you and Knuckles
wanna just slip into
this sea of dorks.

We're gonna go
have some fun.

- We're not dorks.
- Let's go.

- We're cool!
- Yeah, we're mad cool!

- Come on,
let's go drink.
- Later, dorks!

Unbelievable.

Isn't it crazy
that we're related?

- It's him.

Well played! Big winner!

- Whoa.

It's like...

It's like
we could be twins.

I mean, he's so--

No, no.
Can't talk to him.

What is wrong?

Look at him.
My dad is so cool.

I wouldn't even know
what to say to him.

Well, I do.
Come, Wade Whipple.

I have an idea.

- You sure this is gonna work?

I will not let you down,
my friend.

It was known far and wide
by all Echidna

that Knuckles has
a way with the words.

Now, confidently approach
the one they call p*stol Pete

- and say...
- Father Whipple.

Hello there. So,
what are we signing today?

Balls, pins, body parts?

If you want a signed photo,

I'm afraid
it'll run extra.

It is I, Wade Whipple,

your long-abandoned...
progeny.

Wade?

My God.

It is you.

- I know what you must be...
- Thinking.

That I'm here to slay you

and take my rightful place
on the throne.

But...

no.

I come here today
to make peace.

To repair
the paternal bond

that you so callously
tore apart many decades ago.

I see.

Are you feeling alright,
dear boy? You...

You seem a little...

- different.
- Yes!

I have grown into
a powerful adult man

with many great skills
and accomplishments to my name.

Have you now?

Many human women have taken
notice of my feats of strength.

Yes. Yes, I get that.

But, tell me, wh...
why are you talking like this?

This is extraordinary.

It's like looking at
a mirror image of myself.

Of course, I am more
muscular and mighty,

and you are
frail and sickly.

- But...
- The resemblance is uncanny!

You truly are
a stunning creature!

Oh, sick costume, bro!

Are you here for
the mascot convention, too?

What team are you with?

My tribe? The Echidnas!

Oh, right. They play in...

Albuquerque, right?

Go, 'Chidnas!

- You know what?

I'm just gonna
speak for myself.

I came here 'cause
I missed you, Dad.

I was hoping you'd
missed me, too.

Well, of course
I missed you, son.

So, what are you doing here?

Did you come to watch
your dear old dad
knock over some pins?

Oh, no.
I'm here to roll.

In the tournament?
You?

- Like father, like son, eh?

Well, may the best man win.

- I'm just kidding.

It's good to see you, son.
I'll tell you what.

After we bowl, let's catch up
on lost time, shall we?

- Yeah! Of course. Yes!
- Yes?

- W-We laugh the same!

Well done, Knuckles.
You have not lost your touch.

- Where are we?
- I don't know.

But it definitely looks
like the type of place

you take people
you're about to m*rder.

Clearly, there's been a bit
of a misunderstanding here.

Um, you seem mad at us,
but it's all good.

We're on the same team.

You know what?
Forget I said anything.

- You failed to bring me
the Echidna.

And I don't deal well
with failure.

You know,

we've got
a lot in common.

You wouldn't be able to tell
by the look of this place,

but not so long ago,

I used to work
for g*n as well.

Though it wasn't
called g*n back then.

It was a m*llitary
shadow ops program,

run by a difficult...
and very brilliant roboticist.

Wait, so... you worked
for Robotnik.

I did.

Until the day he met
a little blue alien

and lost his big bald mind.

After that, g*n tried to erase
all connections with Robotnik,

including me.

Sent a team to take me out.

That didn't work out
so well for them.

So I went underground,

starting selling my creations
in the black market.

And before you know it,

I built an empire.

Come on, man, just give us
a little more time!

We can catch Knuckles.
We will catch him.

- Why should I believe you?
Because you're right.

We do have a lot
in common.

You want to know
why I betrayed g*n?

Because they
betrayed me first.

I dedicated my entire life

to studying
extraterrestrials.

Then San Francisco happened,

and I saw a thr*at
unlike anything

this world had ever seen.

So I joined up
for one reason.

To protect this planet.

But soon, I discovered instead
of neutralizing the aliens,

we let them play house
in Montana!

Trusting them as
they shed quills

with the destructive power
of a thermonuclear w*apon

every time
they go out for a jog!

I tried to warn
the fools in charge,

but instead of listening,

I was the one
who was neutralized.

Taken out of the field,
shoved behind a desk,

wasting my career.

Ordering gift cards
and planning fake weddings!

So, believe me,

I want g*n to suffer
as much as you do.

And if you give us
one more chance...

they will.

Oh, man.
Oh, my God.

I still require the echidna
to power my newest creation.

But the price has changed.

Now, your only reward

will be your lives.

- Welcome to the Bowling
Tournament of Champions.

- I'm Gary N. Sinclair III Esq.
- And I'm Dylan Beagleton.

And we are here in
sunny Reno, Nevada,

- which is so close to Hell,
you can smell the sparks.

And you know what?
Today we have a bunch
of amazing competitors

getting ready to collide
in a game of champions.

That's right,
it's poor man's baseball...

- bowling.
- Yeah!

Beautiful day for bowling,
I gotta say.

Dylan,
what do you think?

I think it's a great day
for bowling.

And actually,
to be clear,

the weather has no effect on
this sport because we're inside.

You see?
This is why I love
working with you.

You're a real details man.

We're gonna get into those
details throughout today.

But first, let me tell you

a little bit about
the competition.

We have 32 teams, each have
won an individual contest

in the Central Northwest
Regional District

of the good old US of A.

These are
hardened competitors

from the greatest part
of our country

- who are ready to bring it.
- Now, Gary.

- Yes.
- In the sport of bowling,

it doesn't get
any bigger than this.

And I understand
that you've been doing this

- for quite a while.
- That's right.

I actually started off
on ESPN Veinticinco,

and I'm hoping to get
down to ESPN Seis.

Wow. Well, Gary,
I've been told

that you have a very
famous catchphrase,

- and this crowd looks like
they want to hear it.

- How about let it fly?
- Alright, I will.

Let's get ready to roll
some... bowling balls!

- That's... That's popular?
- Uh, well, yeah.

No, I-I've seen people like,
you know, say it.

by
Paul Engemann playing]

p*stol Pete! p*stol Pete!

Wow! Would you look
at those outfits?

They are not real cowboys.

Uh-oh! I think we're about
to see it!

- There they are.
Here come the finger g*ns!

- Let's go!
- Knocking down
those pins with ease.

- Wow. Wow. What is he doing?
- Wait. Wait a second.

Wow. Okay. Wade.

- Wonder where you learned that.
- I learned from the best!

Come on, Wade!
Be better than you are!

- Yes!

- Yeah! Wow!
- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

To be in that crowd.

- And there you have it.

- What an amazing day
for bowling!

We'll be back tomorrow
with the finals.

And, uh, well, that's--
that's basically it.

The birds and the bees.

To be honest,
I'm a bit surprised

you didn't know
about all this yet.

To tell you the truth,
I-I know all about it.

- I just always wanted to
have "the talk."
- Oh.

Ah, ha, yes.

This has been so nice
spending time with you, Dad,

but if you think
buttering me up like this

is gonna let you b*at me in
the finals, think again, pal.

You're a Whipple, dear boy.

I expect you to
give it your all.

- p*stol Pete?

- Would it be alright
if we got your autograph?
- Oh, I'm so sorry.

Not when I'm with family.

Sorry. Thank you.

- Hey, um,

speaking of family...

- Could I ask you o-one question?
- Sure. sh**t.

Why did you leave?

I left...

because I was searching
for something.

And, uh...

I thought the only place
I could find it was, uh,

on the lanes.

But now, I know...

the place I should've
been looking all along

was at home. With you.

I messed up, son.

Made mistakes. Big ones.

But I want you
to know that, uh,

despite how it might seem,
I-I never forgot you.

- Ever.

What's this?

"Wadejammerz '95."
"Wadejammerz '96."

"Wadejammerz '97."

My mixes. You got 'em.

I got them all.

I just never had the damn
courage to write you back.

Because I'm a coward.

A total schmuck.

You're not a schmuck.

You're my dad.

- I'm so sorry, son.
- It's okay.

I forgive you, Dad.

You know what?
This has been nice.

- Would you like to see my suite?
- Would I ever!

They got me staying in
some kinda janitor's closet.

Okay, well, why don't you
come by my suite later,

and we can catch up some more?
How's that sound?

- That'd be amazing!
- Good.

- Good.
- Dad.

- One second!

Easy on the snacks, pal.
That costs, like,


Hey, darling.

Hi, Mom!
What's going on?

I brought you something.

- My old ball!
- Oh, I thought
you might like it.

- Aw, that's so nice, Mom.
- Oh, good. Good.

Th-There is--

There's something else.

This is hard for me.

Um...

I saw you today
with your father,

and I noticed this look
in your eyes, and...

Wade, it wasn't easy
for me when he left.

It wasn't easy for any of us,
and...

We bounced around
from place to place,

and I took any job that
would have me, and...

But, in the end,
I think we worked it out.

Made a home for
the family, and...

Sometimes I used
to say to myself

what he did, leaving us,

leaving you, wasn't that bad.
Wasn't his fault.

But it was.

It was his fault.
And it was bad.

He hurt me, Wade.

He hurt you.

And when I saw that
look in your eye today,

I got worried.

I got worried he was
gonna hurt us again.

Look...

Mom, I know that you and Dad
have a complicated relationship,

but that's your relationship.

Dad and I are still
figuring ours out.

- Wade--
- No, I get it

if you don't want him
in your life,

but I might want him in mine.

You can't take that from me.

Darling...

just be careful.

Your father's great at
convincing people to love him.

And that's usually
when he decides to leave.

Good luck out there.

- Hold the door, please!

- Thank you.

- What floor?
- Oh, five. Thanks.

- Dad?
- Mm. Come in, dear boy.

What is this place?
Is this like a second

sky lobby or something?

- Well, actually, it's my lobby.

- Welcome to my penthouse.

Wow!

It's incredible!

And for
a professional bowler,

it is humbly decorated!

Ho! Gold everywhere!
So sensible.

- Wait a minute.

That's a private balcony?!

The prettiest skyline
in the universe.

Reno, Nevada.

Dad!
Do you realize how opulent
it is to have a fireplace

in such a generally
temperate climate in Nevada?

- Yes.
- Wow.

- Bowling has really
done well for you.
- Well...

- I do alright.

Would you, uh,
would you care to see
the master suite?

Uh, yeah!

This way.

Full disclosure,

I have never
been in a hotel room

where someone needed to utter
the phrase "this way."

- Mm.

Listen, Wade.

- I am sorry.
- Oh, yeah.

Don't worry.
We talked about it.
It's okay.

No, no.

- Not for that.

For this...

Wade...

- Mom.
- Hello, Whipple.

- Long time no see.
- What's up, Wade?

- What's up, dude.
- Looks like you got yourself
into a little dilemma,

- doesn't it?
- Wade.

Dude, the perimeter
has been breached.

Okay? Now, bro,
that is FBI speak.

- It means they've gone too far.
- I know what it means!

Okay, well.

Dad, you gave me up.

How could you?

Just like when
you abandoned me
at that TJ Maxx.

Except this is
a billion times worse.

Yes, I know,
and I am so frightfully sorry,

dear boy,

but please know that
betraying you again

was one of the hardest things

I've ever had to do
in my life. Truly.

You know, you have done
some pretty terrible,

terrible things
in your life,

but this is
on another level.

- Bravo.
- Gwendolyn.

Peter.

And where'd you pick up
that phony posh accent?

- You're from Slough.
- You know,

this is just like you,
not to take me seriously.

- You've never supported me.
Not fully.

Oh, oh, really? Oh, God.

You are such
a psycho schmuck!

Children,
listen.

Despite all that's happened,

I want you to know that
I-I love you both,

and I would do absolutely
anything for you.

Oh! I'm gonna vomit.

Just so you know,
he didn't resist much.

We barely had to
thr*aten the dude.

And these two,
kidnaping him was his idea.

Hey, Dad?

You suck.

Like, so hard.

Dad, why?

Look, Wade.

Here's the deal.

There's only one Whipple
that matters

in the greater Reno area

and I'm afraid
it's not you, dear boy.

So I suggest you withdraw
from the tournament,

give these folks your
big, furry, red friend,

or I'm afraid I-I won't be
able to stop them doing

some rather nasty things

- to people you care about.
- Hm...

And the first
to go will be...

your precious sister.

- Oh... no.

- Mm-mmm!

- I'm okay with that.
- Wade!

- Do whatever you
gotta do to her.
- Are you kidding me right now?

- Man, she's got a blaster--
- I'm not joking--

- Okay, fine!
- No no no no no!

- Not my mom!

Then, bring Knuckles back
to this suite quietly.

Próximamente en el Canal
en Español de Reno...

"La Ultima Passion."

Ooh...

Make it quick, Whipple.

- Okay. Uh, I'm at the room.
- Good.

Now, keep your phone on,
so we can hear every word

that comes out of your mouth.

And Wade?
If you try anything,

you know what happens next.

Hey, buddy!

- Wade. You've returned.

How goes
the fatherly reunion?

So good. Great, actually.

Um, in fact,
I wanna take you upstairs

to look at something
in his suite.

It's-- Well, it's a surprise.

A surprise? For me?!

What is it?
Fresh Wade Jams?

Another Julia Roberts classic?

An enormous cauldron of
Wendy matz-ball of soup?

Those are all great things.

This is not that.

It's something I think--
I think you should see.

I shall wear my finest hat.

Sure.

Put on an adorable hat.

- Yeah.

- Oh! Pfft.

Shucks and darn it.

I left my name tag
in the room,

and I'm gonna need that
for the tournament finals.

So why don't you head up
to my dad's room

and I'll meet you there?

- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Yeah.

I'm totally sure.
I'll go grab the stuff,

- you go to the penthouse,
take me two seconds.

Very well.
I shall see you soon,

- my friend.

It's done.

Knuckles is headed your way.