01x02 - Don't Ever Say I Wasn't There For You

[bunniefuu]

IceCap Ski Resort.

This is where the buyer
wants to do the exchange?

He makes the rules,
not us.

Right, help me
unload the echidna.

Alright, little buddy.
I'm coming for ya.

Come on, Wade.
You can do this.

You might not be
a warrior yet,

but you are a deputy.

In fact, you're one of
the greatest deputies

in the history of
law enforcement.

And normally,
in a situation like this,

you'd call for backup.

But this is Montana, so...

you are the backup.

Rely on your instincts.

Think back to your
police training.

You are prepared for this.

- Don't ever say
I wasn't there for you.

Cool line.

I am extremely
unprepared for this.

Where have you taken me?

A dungeon?

A t*rture chamber?!

A pit so deep that no one
will ever hear my screams?

Oh.

That's quite nice, actually.

Damn right.

Always pictured myself living
in a place like this one day.

Now, I don't know how to ski,
but with a house like this,

you bet I could learn.

All you have to do is sneak
into the bad guy's lair,

try not to get yourself k*lled
by their superpowered weapons,

and then save your
cool new best friend.

What could possibly
go wrong?

Come on, Wade.

What would Knuckles do?

He'd come up with
an awesome rescue plan.

Ah... I am visualizing
my inevitable escape

and your brutal
destruction at my hands.

Yes! Your arms
have just snapped off

with the most
satisfying crunch.

Well, it's a good thing
you're trapped

inside that case then,
buddy.

Stop talking to him!

- He was talkin' to me.

Just stop talking.

Fine with me.
I'm gonna go relax.

Job's done,
and we about to get paid!

Americans.

Alright. Wade's awesome
rescue plan starts now.

Step one,
project confidence.

Step two,
become one with the shadows.

Step three...

lock and load.

You are truly an amazing
warrior, Wade Whipple.

Now, as is tradition,

let us celebrate
our victory with a warm hug.

I thought you'd never ask.

Anything else?

Gimme a blue raspberry Icee.

Oh, how your screams
are a symphony to my ears

as I crush your skulls
into a fine powder,

- and--
- Sorry. Don't mean to interrupt,

but, uh, you almost
finished here?

- No!

Okay.
Now, I am finished.

Do you know,

I'm sorry we haven't
gotten a chance

to get to know each other yet.

I'm actually quite
an admirer of your work.

What could you possibly know

about my life of
battles and quests?

- Oh...

I know all about you,
Knuckles.

Studying creatures like you,

your abilities,

where you're from.

That was my job
for a long time.

I see.

Then, you know about
my tribe's victory

over the vile Dr. Robotnik!

Of course.

So, if you know how
I destroyed someone

as dangerous as him,

then you know how easily
I can destroy someone

like you.

Is that what you think?

That I'm nothing?

That I'm no one compared

to the great Ivo Robotnik.

Well, let me assure you,
you're wrong.

'Cause while I know
everything about you,

I promise,

you know nothing
about me.

But when this is all over...

you will.

- Alright. Geared up.

Here we go.

Hang tight, Knucks.

- I'm comin' to get ya.

All I need is the perfect
rescue soundtrack.

Let's do this, Spotify.

- Time to rock out!

That's not gonna...

- Oh, no, not that song!

- Oh, forget it.

Warrior mode activated.

The fireworks were supposed
to be the grand finale!

- What the hell?
- What was that?

- Sounds like someone
just set off...

Is that the round
little man again?

- Oh!

At least she's still drivable.

You again!

That's right!

I'm here for the echidna!

- What's that beeping?

That can't be good.
Wonder what that--

- Oh, no!

- Yah! Ay-ay-ay!

- Oh, no!

Oh, my God!

Wee-hee-hee-hee!

I will be right with you guys!

- Oh, God!

You guard the echidna.
I'm gonna go and handle this.

Little pig, little pig,
where are you?

I know you're
here somewhere.

And I'm gonna find you.

Oh...

Oh!

- Oh!

I ever tell you about my time
in the underground fight game?

- We literally just met!
- I spent years

doing bare-knuckle cage matches
and backyard brawls.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Doesn't sound like your rescue's
going very well, does it?

No, it does not.

Such a shame...

Mm. Hope you're
comfortable in there.

- You're not? Huh, never mind.

One second.
I gotta take this.

- No, no, no, take your time.

- It's my mom.
- Oh, yeah...

- Should I get that?
- Yeah, you should answer it.

- Yeah. C-Can you...
- She'll be worried.

- Yeah, of course.
Here you go.
- Hey, Mom!

- Hey--
- It's about time
you answered your phone.

- I been tryin' to call you.
- Yes, I know
you've been calling.

- I've been meaning to call.
I've been really busy.
- Hi, Mrs.--

- What's your name?
- Mason.

- Hi, Mrs. Mason.

It's-- Yeah,
that's just a work friend.

Aw, y-you think
we're friends?

Sorry, I'm sorry.

- Yeah, Ma. Okay. Ma, I'ma
have to hit you back. I'm busy.

- Love you, Mason...
- Alright, I love you, too.
Bye-bye, bye.

- Sorry about that.

She seems very sweet.

- Where was I?
- You were telling
some horrifying story

about ripping some
guy's arm off.

- Yeah.

And that's why
I signed up for g*n.

So I can get paid to b*at up
on superpowered freaks

like your little alien friends.

Now, I don't have
to fight fair anymore.

Then neither do I.

- Sriracha!

Who are you working with?

He is my protege
and my apprentice.

A force so strong of
body, mind, and heart

that your last words will be
a plea for a merciful death

from the warrior
known only as...

- Wade.

Sorry. Sorry.

Say, quite a tussle
back there.

You should see the other guy.

- Oh. Here he is.

Seriously? This is
your great warrior?

Thought he'd be dead by now.

It's his first day.

I know I may not look
like much of a warrior,

but...

no offense,
you guys don't, either.

I mean, he looks like
a sexy menswear model,

and you look like
some kind of psychotic
Uma Thurman lookalike.

Thank you.
Now, before you die,

tell me one thing.

What does a moron like you
want with the echidna?

- We're gonna win
a bowling tournament.

Oh, no!

What are you doing?

I'm hugging you, as is
your celebratory tradition,

- is it not?

Come on, we gotta get outta
here before they wake up.

- Oh!

Oh, nope.

Whatever happens,
hold on.

What? What do you mean?

We're alive!

Knuckles!
We're alive!

Knuckles! You didn't
tell me you could fly!

No. I can glide.

- Huh?
- For very short distances.

- Stinks.

- Knuckles...
- Get up!

Now is no time to rest,
Wade Whipple.

- We must flee!

Sweet truck.

Drive us!

How? I can't just drive us.
There's no keys.

- Okay, I can just drive us.

I don't know about you,
but I am star--

Hey, look, a Burger Shack!
Let's go eat!

- Alright.

I think after all that running,
we deserve...

a little snack.
What do you say, bud?

I only eat grapes.

And Cool Ranch Doritos.

Okay, well, that explains your
insane and erratic behavior.

Now, come on.

Let's eat, bubba.

So, I was thinking about
how I rescued you before.

Um, on a scale of
one to warrior,

where does Wade fall?

- No biggie. You can
tell me after we eat.

Let's have
a little victory feast

for the boys, huh?

What victory?
We won nothing tonight.

Mm, correct.

I was taken prisoner

because of your
failures in battle.

We were nearly
k*lled several times.

And once again, correct.

And the only reason
we survived at all
was pure luck.

None of these words would be
used to describe a victory.

Or a warrior.

Alright, some of the things you
just said might have happened,

but you're looking at it
the wrong way, Knuckles.

My dad taught me to take
any win you can

and enjoy it.

Nine outta 10 warriors
would call that a victory.

It might not
have been pretty,

but that doesn't
mean it wasn't a...

Glorious victory!

Now, you're gettin' it!
Let's dig in!

This is gonna flop your little
red braids up and down.

- We are so screwed!
- Yeah, I'm pissed, too.

But what are we gonna do?
I guess the deal's off.

No. No, you don't understand.
The deal's not off.

There's no backing out
with him.

We've been selling weapons
to one of the most dangerous

criminal organizations
in the world,

run by
an absolute sociopath!

Now, we're screwing
him over on a deal!

We don't just get to take
our ball and go home.

We show up empty-handed,

he's gonna
straight-up k*ll us.

Most likely in
a pretty horrible way.

- Well, that doesn't sound great.
- No! Not great!

Not great at all.

We need to get them, fast,

before he gets us.

Wade Whipple,
you wish to be a warrior.

Yet you hail
from Green Hills,

a place where there
are no warring clans.

So, why do you remain there?

I guess... Green Hills
has always just been home.

I mean, there must be
some place in the universe

that's like that for you, right?

Since the loss of my tribe,

I have journeyed across
every corner of the galaxy.

- Seen planets and stars
you could only dream of.
- Hm.

But nowhere
I have called home.

- That must be tough for you.
- Yes.

I made a promise
to my fellow warriors

to find the Master Emerald
and protect it.

- That shall be my goal until
the moment I join my people

in the Great Battleground
in the Sky.

One thing I have learned in
pledging my life to this quest

is that I have been betrayed

again and again.

And again. And again.

Wow.
Sorry that happened to you.

You know how that feels,
don't you?

To be betrayed?

Yeah.

Yeah, I know how that feels.

By your father,
who abandoned you
like common gutter trash!

No, I got what you were saying.
Thank you very much, though.

Warrior or not,

I'm strong enough to know that
I would never betray a friend.

You are stronger than
you think, Wade Whipple.

I don't know about that.

- On a scale of one to warrior,

- you are a three.
- Really?

I'm gonna put that
on my dating profile!

Wade Whipple.
Solid three.

Now, come on.
Let's hit the road, huh?

- Victory!

- Ha ha!
- Yes! Turn it up!

The Rock Zone Special Report.

Alright, this just in, guys.

Authorities have a manhunt out
for a guy named Wade Whipple.

You remember this guy?
He was the sheriff's deputy

who won
the Hot Pocket-eating contest

at last year's Spring Fest.
That guy.

There is a bounty
out for the guy now.

- I mean, he is royally screwed.
- Screwed.

I would not want to
be that guy today.

Alright, let's get
back to the music.

Ah...

Oh, my God.

I'm a fugitive!

There's a bounty
on my head!

And I'm Munsoned out here
in the middle of nowhere?

What are we gonna do?

You just love smashing
radios, don't ya?

- Whipple!
- Y-Yes.

First light has broken.
We need safe harbor.

Somewhere we can stay
hidden and secure.

I know a place we could lay low,
but it's gonna mean going

somewhere I haven't been
in a really long time.

- Hi, Mom. I'm home.

- Oh...