04x14 - Bob Zombie

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

Uh, Bob?

Why are you wrapped in tin foil?

It's not just tin foil.

I'm also wearing
three layers of pasta,

tomato sauce and cheese.

I turned him into
a human lasagna pan.

Forty-five minutes in the sun,

and it's Bob appetit.

You know,

given what I've seen
of Bob's training,

this might be the most
productive use of him yet.

Mm, don't move.
You need more oregano.

Mm, lasagna!
Got any garlic bread?

You betcha.
They're strapped to my shins.

I'll be back.

Save me the greasiest piece.

Hey, where are you off to,

and how long can you stay there?

Your cheap father
forgot to pay the trash bill.

I am so sick of
working for a guy

who won't let me
throw trash in the ocean.

Guys, check it out.

This is gonna change
our bionic academy forever.

I found a way to replicate
Chase's bionic intelligence.

- What?
- Yeah.

Remember how Giselle Vickers
wanted to give

your intelligence to
all of her androids?

Well, this intelligence
duplicator

will wirelessly add it
to everyone's chip.

Wait, so you're gonna
make me like him?

Pass.

Don't worry.

The four of you
won't be affected.

Your chips are older models,

and Leo doesn't have one.

But if this works,

all the students will be
just as smart as you.

I just have to find
someone to test it on.

And do you really think
someone's gonna just let you

randomly experiment on them?

Sorry, Bob.
It's getting cloudy.

I'm gonna have to cook you
in here with my heat vision.

Will it hurt?

Let's find out together.

Okay.

Ooh, something's cookin'!

Bob it is.

The world's first
bionic superhumans.

They're stronger than us.

Faster.
Smarter.

The next generation
of the human race is...

living on a bionic island.

All right, Bob, now that
we've made body lasagna,

we should do
something important.

What do you think, CPR
training, volunteer work?

Oh, got it.

We should figure out
how many students

we can cram into the pool.

Easy. All you have to do
is divide

the average mass of the students

by the pool's
volumetric capacity.

Whoa! What did you do
to my Bob?

Thanks to my intelligence
upgrade,

Bob is now as brilliant
as Chase.

Yep, I'm finally
the whole package.

Isn't it great?

I have an intellectual peer.

We've been bonding for hours
about the stock market,

physics and ancient
philosophies.

Although we did have
that tiff about Socrates.

Ah, good times.

Bob, you're scaring me.

I demand you burp
the entire alphabet right now.

Can you believe it?

Douglas' intelligence
duplicator actually worked.

Actually?

You don't have
the best track record.

I made you, didn't I?

Hey, look.

Leftover lasagna.

And you also made him.

[ Humming fanfare ]

Welcome to the United
Republic of Perryland.

I know I'm gonna regret this,

but what's Perryland?

And why does the flag
have a cow on it?

That's an ox.
Know your meats.

When I went to pay
the garbage bill,

they told me that you'd never
registered the island as a country,

so I seized the opportunity.

As of today, you're all
second-class citizens

of Perryland.

This is the official charter.
Read it and weep.

You expect us
to believe that's real?

- Oh, it's real. Just ask my muscle.
- [ blows whistle ]

This is bad.
This is very, very bad.

Who are they?

They're on loan from
a tyrant friend of mine.

And speaking of tyrants,

guess who the dictator
of Perryland is.

Your cat, Mr. Whiskers?

Don't be ridiculous.

He's vice-dictator,
and he reports to me.

Now join me in singing

the Perryland national anthem.

[ Operatic voice ]
♪ O, Perryland ♪

♪ You're all at
my command ♪

♪ You'll do what I say ♪

♪ While I eat
rack of lamb ♪

♪ Your sweat and tears
will bring me cheers ♪

♪ Your robot hands
will fan my face ♪

♪ From dusk till dawn
O Perryland ♪

♪ I stand on top of you ♪

♪ O Perryland ♪

♪ I stand on top of you ♪

When did you
have time to write that?

[ Bell dinging ]

Ah, you're still
hanging out with Chase?

No one should
have to suffer that long.

Great game.
Another draw.

Wanna go triple-check
your homework?

I already did, but one
can never be too right.

You know, if signs of affection
didn't strike me as frivolous,

I'd hug you right now.

Oh, what the heck.

Whoa, whoa, Bob.

Why waste your time
doing stupid science stuff

when we can do something useful.

Let's go grab a couple jellyfish

and wear 'em as wigs.

I'm sorry, old friend,
but I'm afraid we don't have

much in common anymore.

I can't believe this.

You stole my best friend.

I did not steal him.

We just...

Yeah, you know what,
you're right.

I stole him.

You know what? Fine.

I don't need you guys.

Still got my bionic
bros, right, guys?

Aw, quit reading.

I told you it was bad for you.

Douglas, what is going
on with them?

Not a thing.

My intelligence upgrade
worked so well on Bob,

I decided to give it
to all the other students.

What?!

First you steal my Bob,
then you take my...

that guy, that guy and him?

Who wants to discover
a new element

for the periodic table?

ALL: Yeah!

Don't worry, Adam.

I'll be your friend.

[ Scoffs ]
I'm not that hard up.

You cannot just come in here
and take over our home.

Of course I can.

In Perryland, Perry does
whatever Perry wants.

Okay, look, you may
own the island,

but we still need
to sleep in our capsules.

Fine. Because Dear Leader
is a compassionate goddess,

you may recharge
your robot batteries

right before bedtime.

And FYI, I changed the lock
on that door,

so you're gonna have
to buy key cards from me.

Twenty bucks each.

- What?
- That's insane!

Fine. They're 40 bucks.

Now get out of here.
I have work to do.

What is that?

Sand to fill the pool with.

Vice-dictator Mr. Whiskers
is helicoptering in tomorrow,

and he demanded
a much bigger litter box.

- Ew.
- That's disgusting.

Don't worry, you can still
swim in it.

It's not that funny.
Get back to work.

I can't even fathom
what we were like

before the intelligence upgrade.

I mean, how obtuse was I?

I was so beyond obtuse,
I was Bob-tuse.

I cannot live in a world
with this many Chases.

I have bigger problems.

I just found out that
Perry now owns the island,

and has installed herself
as dictator.

Oh, that explains why
her face is on

all of the toilet seats.

The first law that
"Dear Leader" Perry passed

says that I must serve
as her personal servant

and massage therapist.

It's about time
somebody put you to work.

What do you do here again?

I have to go fix this.

Okay, but Douglas,
before you go, can you please...

Oh, the frivolities
of your consistent blunders.

That's it, Bob.

Douglas won't fix you, I will.

All right, that should do it.

Let's see if it worked.

Quick, Bob, spell
your name backwards.

[ Bleating ]

Uh-oh.

Guys, what's wrong with Bob?

[ All bleating ]

Adam.

What's going on?

I was trying to dial
everyone's intelligence level

back to normal and...

Oh, what do you want from me?
I'm obtuse.

You must've dialed it
back too far.

You downgraded
their intelligence

to the level of a farm animal.

Yeah, well, for Bob,
that's still an upgrade.

You don't get it.

Bob and all the students
are brainless zombies.

Then we'll dial it back.

Where's the intelligence
duplicator?

[ Loud chewing ]

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Hey, in my defense,

normal Bob probably
would've done that, too.

[ Bleating continues ]

Now that Bob destroyed
the intelligence duplicator,

there's no way to turn
them back to normal.

No problem. We'll just
get rid of these students,

and have Douglas
whip us up a new batch.

Adam!

Calm down. It's not like
they're a danger to anyone.

Yes, they are. They're a
danger to themselves.

What are we gonna do?

If we can't find
a way to bring them back,

every one of our students
will be completely useless.

- [ Chewing ]
- Ugh.

Worse than that,

I think you and I
are gonna be on the hook

for some very
expensive dental work.

Make every mole count.

Hey, Perryland peasants.

Check out this thing
I found in the weapons room.

It sh**t lasers.

What were you doing
in our weapons room?

Leveling the playing field.

You never know when
you machine people

are gonna turn on us fleshies.

[ Bleating ]

What's going on?

I don't know.

It's a rebellion.

They're trying to take me out

so that they can rule Perryland.

The only way that's gonna happen

is over Dear Leader's dead body.

Well, you had a good run.

Back off. I've got
a battle to fight.

No, you cannot att*ck them.
They're innocent.

I'm not gonna att*ck them.

I'm just gonna give them
a gentle warning.

A gentle 15,000-volt warning.

Get down, get down!

That's how it works.

Ah, come on.
Get back together!

Wow, I can't believe
that didn't work.

I don't see you doing anything.

This is all your fault.

We wouldn't even be in this mess

if you hadn't touched
the device in the first place.

You don't have
any proof of that.

The only person who knows
whether I did it or not is me,

'cause I was the one who did it.

And I wouldn't have
touched the device

if you hadn't stolen
my best friend.

Oh, well, excuse me
for finally having

a person around here
I can relate to.

Chase, why does it sound
like a bionic barnyard in here?

Adam used your
intelligence duplicator

and turned all of our students
into mindless zombies.

Kinda funny, right?

Then Bob ate the device,

so we have no way
of turning them back to normal.

See? This is why
I always have to make

two of everything around here.

Yes! Problem solved.

[ Screaming ]

Sound the alarm.
Perry's on a rampage.

I don't wanna hurt you. I just
wanna sh**t you with a laser.

Come on!

Any chance you make
three of everything?

What is going on?

Why are you sh**ting at them?

These students are trying
to oust me from power.

- No, they're not.
- They're not?

- No.
- Oh, okay.

I have been telling you that
for an hour.

Why do you stop
when he tells you?

Because he's the future king.

So much for an easy fix.

Now I have to build a new
duplicator from scratch.

Well, as long as
you don't tap into

their bionics, there's
only so much damage they can do.

You were saying.

They're gonna
destroy everything.

So what do we do with 'em?

I have an idea.

[ All bleating ]

Good idea, Adam.

I can't believe
they're not smart enough

to find their way
out of the pool.

We can finally figure out how
many people we can cram in there.

Everybody count off.

[ Bleating continues ]

Hold on.
Somebody said five twice.

Hey, whatever happened
to your m*llitary goon squad?

When they found out
they weren't getting paid,

they threatened to quit,
so I had to fire on them.

- You mean fire them.
- Nope.

Okay.
This better work.

Otherwise I'll have to
get rid of these kids

and whip up a whole new batch.

That's what I said.

Bob, name an element
in the periodic table.

Uh, lasagna.

That's my Bob.
Welcome back, buddy.

I'll be inside preparing
for the royal bathing.

Good news.

You two get to scrape my heels.

So what do we do?

Same thing I did
in high school detention.

Grab a bucket
and a cheese grater,

and let your mind
drift somewhere else.

I went through
all the paperwork,

and I can't find a legal fix

that will remove her from power.

Then I'm afraid
we have no choice.

We have to relocate the academy.

Well, there is
one possible legal solution.

If Perry were married,

her spouse would own
half the island, too.

Yeah, but...
[ laughs ]

We all know that there's
no person in their right mind

who's gonna marry her.

I can't believe
this is happening.

I can't believe
Perry only has one guest.

All right, I signed up online.

I'm officially allowed
to marry you and Perry.

You almost look official.
Nice touch with the robe.

Oh, no, this was just
'cause I was chilly.

All right, let's do this.
Hit it, Bob.

[ Synthesized
polka music plays ]

[ processional music plays ]

[ music switches to
"Here Comes the Bride" ]

Thank you for coming.

Aren't you gonna lift my veil?

Actually, I was hoping
there was a second one

that I could cover it with.

I've been dreaming of this
since I was a little girl.

This is exactly
how I pictured it.

On an island filled with
bionic superhumans?

You don't know what I dreamed.
You weren't there.

Hear ye, hear ye.

We are gathered here
to join Theresa Cherry Perry

and Douglas Orville Davenport
in marriage.

Orville?

Given everything
that's happening right now,

do you really think that
that is gonna embarrass me?

If anyone here sees a reason why

these two should not be married,

please raise your hand.

Nothin'?
Nobody?

No one here objects,
not a soul? Good.

By the power vested in me

by some random site
on the internet,

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

- You may now kiss the...
- Cue the music.

[ Weak applause ]

Hold on.

There's still one minor
formality to make this...

beautiful arrangement official.

You have to sign
the marriage license.

Of course.

Congratulations. You're now
Douglas Orville Perry.

- We did it!
- Ha!

As your husband,

I now own half the island.

You may think you own
half of what's mine,

but in Perryland,
the lady takes it all.

Read the charter.

Come on, Dougie-poo.

It's honeymoon time.

Oh, my evil past has finally
caught up to me.

Hold on there, bridezilla.

Joke's on you.
I switched documents.

What are you talking about?

Oh, this isn't
a marriage license.

You just signed a contract
that gives

total ownership
of the island back to us.

[ All exclaiming ]

What? Give me that.

Wait, so they're not
actually married?

If those two can't make it,
what chance do any of us have?

You may have taken
my island and my man,

but you will never take
my laser fist!

[ Screaming ]

And this is still
exactly how I pictured it.

Thanks for nothing!

Well, now that
zombie-pocalypse is over,

I can finally use
the intelligence duplicator

to make all the students
smart again.

It's about time.

Who, hold on.

Did you ever think maybe Bob doesn't
wanna be super intelligent?

- Oh, I...
- Nobody cares, Bob.

Look, just because you can change
someone doesn't mean you should.

I mean, Bob might not be
as smart as everyone,

but he's Bob.

That's why I love him.

And Chase...

you're Chase,

and that's why...

Well, I'll stop there.

That might be the smartest
thing he's ever said.

Did you hit him with
the intelligence duplicator?

You know, Adam's right.

We should destroy it.

Where'd it go?

[ Loud chewing ]

Told you normal Bob
would do that, too.