01x17 - Psychics Wanted

[bunniefuu]

Hey, this is new.

A dollar for water?

That is ridiculous.
Eddie, give me a dollar.

What, you broke again?

No, I just don't have
change for a million.

Rae the fountain's for free.

Okay, no wonder
there's never a line.

Where's that music coming from?

Raven, these are for you.

Hey, I know that face...
You just had a vision.

Chels

a really cute guy came to my
house, and he gave me flowers.

Who was he? And
does he have a friend?

I don't know. I've
never seen him before.

Till this second. Hey, cutie.

Oh, yo, that's the new
kid, Jonathan quizowski.

They call him "quiz."

Anyways, he's totally into jazz.

Oh, and I am totally into him.

Now, I just got
to meet him first.

How do you think
it's going to happen?

You know, that's the problem
with these visions, Chels...

They show what you get
but not how you get there.

Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

The San Francisco
jazz festival's next week.

You should buy
tickets and ask him out.

Great plan

except she can't afford water.

You see, see that's
what friends are for.

See, we just all dig
down deep and...

Guys?

I should have seen that coming.

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ if you could gaze
into the future ♪

♪ future, future ♪

♪ you might think life
would be a breeze ♪

♪ life is a breeze ♪

♪ seeing trouble
from a distance ♪

♪ yeah ♪ go, Rae.

♪ But it's not that easy ♪

♪ oh, no ♪
take it to the bridge now.

♪ I try to save the situation ♪

♪ then I end up misbehaving ♪

♪ hey, now, say, now ♪

♪ about to put it
down, yeah, come on ♪

♪ and ride with the break, now ♪

♪ in that the future
looks great now ♪

♪ and everything's
gonna change now ♪

♪ let's keep it going ♪
♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's the future I can see ♪

♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's so mysterious to me... ♪

Yep, that's me.

Hmm, where to start?

Uh, with a box of cereal.

'Cause all this? Not for you.

Well, who's it for?

Mom and dad... they
get a gourmet breakfast

and all they have to do

is sit through a
short presentation

about raising my allowance.

Everyone wins.

You could just come
to me for money.

I'm loaded.

Yeah, but you
always turn me down.

And it never gets old!

Mmm, smells like
fresh blueberry muffins

and hickory-smoked bacon.

Mmm, smells to me like
we're getting hit up for cash.

Just hear me out.

Okay. Turn your
attention to page eight.

Now, as you know, I do my
own clothing, I do my own nails

but I still need money
for the essentials:

We're talking hair,
shoes, jazz festival tickets.

Since when are you into jazz?

Like forever, daddy-o

and all I need is the
green to make the scene.

Well, I hear what you're
saying, but I'm not paying.

Honey, why don't you just save
your money like your brother?

'Cause he's cheap,
and I got a life.

Which I can buy and sell.

Baby, how are you
ever going to learn

the value of money if we
just keep giving it to you?

By shopping?

No, by earning it.

Do some extra chores.
Get a part-time job.

I could use a foot massage.

You better keep your little
piggies away from my bacon.

Here's one, Rae:
"Lifeguards wanted."

It's perfect for you.

Hello, I cannot swim.

Well, if you're going to
sh**t down everything...

Just keep looking, okay?

Th-there's got to be
something out there

'cause I am not letting
this vision get away.

Yo, check this
one out. It's perfect.

"Psychics wanted.
Earn big bucks."

Are you serious?

Right there.

I-I don't know.

Besides you guys and my family

no one else knows I'm psychic.

Yeah, Rae, and it's kind of
wrong to use your powers

you know, to make
money. Aw, come on

that's what gifts are for.

You don't see Shaq just
sh**ting hoop in his driveway...

And Michael Jackson just
don't moonwalk around his pool.

And j-lo sure don't
hide "it" in baggy pants.

There it is. Oh, lord.

I'm just saying, if you
got it, you should use it.

The cards tell me that
you are very lonely.

Yes, my man'll be
gone for five to ten years.

Mm, he's in jail,
isn't he, child?

How did you know that?

If madam Cassandra can't
see it, it's not happenin'.

Call me now!

She is amazing.

She's the best in the business.

So, uh, you ready
to be in the business?

Really? I'm hired?

Oh, thank you so
much, Mr. Banks.

I mean

don't you want to ask
me some questions?

Uh, are you a cop?

Then no further questions.

Let's give it a whirl.

This is... Where
the magic happens.

Um, yeah, listen, Mr. Banks

you know, I've never really gone
public about me being psychic

and everything, and
plus, I don't even know

when I'm going
to have my visions.

Like, the last one
I had was about

he came to my place
with these flowers

but he doesn't really know
I exist when I'm at school

so I'm thinking of buying him
these jazz concert tickets...

But you don't care, do you? No.

Hey, you are psychic.

Now, uh, listen.

The name of the game is to
keep people on the line, right?

Okay. The more they
talk, the more we make.

So, if you think
somebody's about to hang up

what do you do?

"Thanks for calling."

No, no, no, no.

You say "wait, wait, wait.

I... I think I'm
getting something."

I don't know.

I mean, something
doesn't feel right.

Well, if you... Don't
want 15 bucks an hour...



Yes, I think I'm
getting something.

Hi, my name is...

Yeah, how long...?

Ooh, you know, I
got these tickets to...

How am I ever going to
ask him to the jazz festival

if he never stops playing?

Well, if you're talking
about concert tickets

I'm guessing you got the job.

Yeah, I got it.

Oh, my gosh, Rae,
congratulations.

Now you can use
your psychic powers

to make the world
a better place.

Hee, hee, hee, hee.

Rae, you're kind of
bringing down the hug.

Chels, listen.

The job is not exactly
what you think it is.

Yeah, but how's the money?

It's great, but...

You don't even
have to be psychic.

They will hire anyone.

Yes, yes, I am getting
something, wait... it's a name.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, and it starts with an "a."

Okay, a "b"?

You know, maybe it was a "c"?

D... e... f... g, h, I, j...

J! J, j, j, yes, yes.

Yes, I was actually
going to say that first

but I didn't want
to freak you out.

Wait, wait, I'm
getting something.

Yes, uh-huh, mm-hmm.

I see love in your
future, definitely.

A nice younger man.

You're 94?

Well, everyone's younger
than you, so, uh, I'm right.

Mm-hmm... Yeah, uh-huh...

Now, wait a second. Wait.

All right, well, h-hold
on. I'm getting something.

Right.

Mmm, mmm...
Jim... Jason... James.

"Jinxy"?

That kind of sounds like
a cat's name or something.

Oh, it is a cat? Oh, yes, yes.

Ooh, Mr. Hank.

Madame Cassandra
see an ill wind a-blowin'

and the spirits are a-cryin'!

Get to the point... Shirley.

I need a raise.

Oh. Oh, uh, forget it.

Grab your bag of bones

tighten your little turban...

'Cause you're
on in five minutes.

Either I get my
raise, you sleazebag

or I'm out of here.

And this show
would be nothing...

Without madame Cassandra.

Are you kidding?

Any one of these
clowns could replace you.

Hey, hey. Hey you.

What?

Hello, little jinx, hello.
Who's a little Kitty?

You. Yes, you.

You're my new star.

Yes, from now on, the
world will know you as...

Miss tallulah on the line,
ready to tell your future.

Next caller, who be you?

My, uh, friends call me "quiz."

"Quiz"?

Well, I'm trying to
get a scholarship

to jazz camp this summer.

Ooh. You play the sax.

That's amazing! How'd you know?

Oh, well, child, it's all
right here in me crystal ball.

Ooh, and so is the
Lincoln memorial.

Oh, wait, so-so, do you
think I'll get the scholarship?

Ooh, let's see, child.

What's your sign?

Aries.

Ah, the fish.

Uh, uh, the ram.

I knew that. I's
just ordering lunch.

I'll take the fish.

I got the scholarship!

Miss, miss tallulah,
are you there?

Yes, child, and
with good news, too.

Pack your sax, quiz.
You're going to jazz camp.

Wow! Thanks. Is
there anything else?

Oh, yeah, I hope so. Oh...

I mean...

I tink I'm getting something.

Yes, aw, yes, child.

The mystic bones
are rattling, yes.

They say that you
must meet a girl.

Uh, who is she?

Oh, child, she's at your school.

I see she's very,
very beautiful, really.

Yeah, with a name like a bird.

Uh, Robin.

Uh, no.

Lark?

No.

Uh, Nancy hawksten.

Forget it.

Her name is Raven.
You got to go meet her.

She lives at 519 Miranda place.

Ring her doorbell
Friday night around...

Yes, the mystic clock says 8:00!

Okay, yeah,
yeah, I don't get it.

Why do I have to
go to her place...?

No backin'-talkin', child!

Okay? This is what
the mystics say.

It's the only way to
get your scholarship.

She's your good luck charm.

All right? Thanks
for calling, quiz.

Call me now.

Call me sidekicks, because
your future's on the line.

Wow, that-that was great, kid.

The phones are
ringing off the hook.

Oh, and that weird look that
you get in your eyes, that...

Keep it. It's gold.

So, what do you
think of miss tallulah?

Uh, I think she's
using her powers

to manipulate a
guy into liking her.

Chels okay, I just
want to meet him.

And then what?

Well, you know, once
we're alone together

he'll realize that we
were meant for each other.

I'm just trying to do
what you were saying:

Making the world a better place.

You know, just...

One guy at a time, child.

So, the kids are out.

We have the house to ourselves.

You know what that means?

Oh, yeah.

Pizza.

That'll be $22.50.

Cool.

Oh, honey, I didn't get a
chance to go to the atm.

Do you have any money on you?

I picked up the
cleaning. I'm broke.

Do you take credit cards?

Gee, let me check my shirt.

There's got to be some
cash around here some place.

It's got to be here some place.

Yeah, Corey's loaded.

You know he hasn't spent a dime

of his birthday or
Christmas money

since he's been born.

Uh-oh. I found a magazine.

Whew!

I blame you, Victor.

Retire at 12?

Gotcha.

Jackpot! Jackpot!

What do you think
the combination is?

Try his birthday.

Ooh, good one.

He's not so smart.

Security alert!

Security alert!

Security alert!

Yuh-yuh-yuh.

Bring security in my
room-room-room-room!

Attention, security!

Bring security in
my room-room-room!

Why that little...!

Got you, Raven!

Mom? Dad?

I am so disappointed.

Yeah, uh, Raven, like, the bird?

Yes.

And, um, who are you?

Oh, it's, uh, quiz from school.

Quiz!

What are you doing here?

Okay, I know this is going
to sound kind of weird

but, uh, Raven, you
are my good luck charm.

Oh, that is the
sweetest thing to say.

You know what, I really
wasn't expecting company

but... what the heck.

Come on in.

Uh, Raven, these are for you.

Oh, thank you.

That's a nice
dress you got there.

Oh, this old thing?

Darlin', I made it this morning.

Really?

Wow, Lisa, check this out.

Lisa?

Yeah, Lisa, Raven
made this dress

all by herself.

Yes, girl, and we are
so excited about it.

But who are you?

Oh, yeah, sorry, this
is, uh, my girlfriend.

Lisa.

I had to meet quiz's
good luck charm.

You have a girlfriend?

Yeah, yeah, I do.

Okay, so, I came to your house

I met you, I gave
you the flowers.

It was Lisa's idea.

Lisa!

Well, it was nice meeting you.

Yeah.

Guess it was.

It's funny how things work out.

Or don't.

Here. You guys might like these.

Tickets to the jazz festival!

You know, you really
are my good luck charm.

Oh, man, Rae.

He had a girlfriend?

Lisa!

You were right, Chels.

I shouldn't have used
my gift to get a guy.

Yeah.

And I shouldn't have
filled up on doughnuts

when they're bringing
in a whole deli platter.

Anyway, Rae, I don't know.

Maybe you should
look at the bright side.

You know, at least
no one got hurt.

But me.

There you go... bright side.

Hey, you two, hey.

Back on the phones, let's go.

Okay, you. You're on.

Hi, Doris. Hi,
yeah, it's Chelsea

your psychic sidekick.

How's little jinxy doing?

Oh, still hacking
out that hair ball, yuk.

Hold it.

Uh, first of all we
don't make money

when the psychics
call the customers. Uh...

And, uh, yeah, second
of all, you're fired, okay?

And, oh, why don't
you take jaws with you?

Okay, caller, who be you?

Uh, yeah, this is quiz again.

What's wrong, quiz?

Okay, yeah, yeah, I
didn't get into jazz camp.

I was supposed to hear by now.

The mail is slow, child.

No reason to get
your horn out of tune.

No, no, I-I must've messed
things up with Raven.

Maybe I shouldn't have
brought my girlfriend, or...

Ooh, well, I can't argue
with you there, child.

Okay, wait, wait.
What are you saying?

Should I break
up with her, or...?

Uh, uh, no. No, quiz, no.

That be bad, all right.

We don't want nobody to get hurt

because of what
miss tallulah say.

Miss tallulah, okay,
I am freaking out.

How come I didn't
get that scholarship?

You know, wait, am I-I jinxed?

Did I lose my talent?

Should I quite music?

Oh, slow your row, child!

Take the island breath.

There's no one
plays the horn like you

and you don't need to call
miss tallulah to tell you that.

Yes, he does.

So, any clown can
do this, huh, Hank?

Quiz!

Listen to miss tallulah, okay?

You're just wasting
your money calling me.

No, he, no, he isn't.

What-what is she saying?

So, how about that raise?

Yeah, fine, fine,
okay, anything.

Just get out there, okay?

And you keep
that kid on the line.

Please, miss tallulah,
check the mystic bones.

What do they say?

Quiz, quiz, quiz.

- Listen.
-

this is not mystic bones.

Child, this was my lunch!

Okay, yes it was a secret
recipe and very good

but nothing's mystical about it!

Are you saying that
you're not a real psychic?

Ooh... now, that's a very
complicated question.

Oh, the spirits are very angry!

Madame Cassandra?

They're saying she lies, quiz.

Like a Jamaican
dog full of sand fleas.

Now, get out!

Quiz, stay on the line.

Ah! No! Listen to me, quiz.

No real psychic would be
on a cheesy show like this!

Ooh, you hear that?

She's a bad coconut.

Excuse me while I
shake the evil out of her.

Missed me.

Gotcha.

Oh, getting dizzy.

Oh, no, that's enough.

Oh, here comes lunch.

Say toodle-oo, tallulah.

Bring it on, Shirley.

Oh, snap, no, you
didn't just break my hand.

What are you
going to do about it?

Guess she could do that.

Man, Rae sure swings a
pretty mean finger, doesn't she?

Hang up, quiz!

Don't hang up!

Wait, wait, wait.

Everybody, wait!

I think I'm getting something.

Oh, yeah, this. Come on!

Okay, you know what? Hold up.

I don't need this, huh-uh.

I made more money waitressing.

Okay, am I getting
charged for this

'cause, you know,
nobody's helping me.

Quiz, don't you see?

It is all a fake! Look!

Hello! It's me, Raven!

Yeah, yeah, wait,
wait, the mail just came.

I got the scholarship.

Wow, I better call Lisa.

Mmm.

Do you see that?

He still didn't notice me.

Just like a man.

You right.

Hank, I think you're
out of business.

Are you kidding?

You gave me a great idea.

Female psychic gladiators.

It's going to be huge.

Ooh, really? Does it pay a lot?

'Cause I'm going to
need a summer job.

Yo, Rae. You got a buck?

I'm busted.

Again? I was counting on you
treating for the movies tonight.

Well, I was counting on you.

I guess everybody's broke then.

See ya.

Not everybody.

Gotcha! Gotcha!

Corey!

Get...! Get me out of here!

Corey!

They'll never learn.

Come here. Come here.