01x14 - A Dog by Any Other Name

[bunniefuu]

So last night I'm at burgerama

and the new guy is
sitting a few tables over.

You mean, the guy with the...?

No. Oh, the guy with...?

Yes! Love him.

I know.

Hi.

He's so cute. Oh, bye.

So, anyway...

I looked at him, and
then he looked away

and then he looked at
me, and then I looked away

and then... We totally
ignored each other.

I mean, we really connected.

Can you believe it, girl?!

I got a boyfriend.

I can't wait to meet him, Rae.

Yeah, me, too.

What?

Oh, oh, there he is.

Oh, snap, there he is!

Him!

Don't we look fabulous together?

Except for that
shirt, that's got to go.

Okay, I think this
really needs to be said...

You don't know him!

Ooh.

I'm telling you...

Hey, guys. What's up, Amber?

Hey, don't forget about

my party this weekend.

I'll be there with my
boyfriend, of course

and Ryan's taking Lisa,
and Ellie's going with Carter.

And you two can
go with... Each other.

But you know what? That's okay.

Excuse me, little
miss missy, all right?

But I have a boyfriend.

Oh, perfect.

And now for a reality update

that guy's not your boyfriend.

And that's okay.

You know what? He is.

He's just in denial, okay?

Don't worry about it.

We are going to
get you a boyfriend

because we are not
going to that party

without one, all right?

Rae, what'd you see?

I saw lawler's class

and one of us is
getting the seat.

Yeah, I know

but I don't know which one
of us it was. Wait a minute.

We don't even
have lawler's class.

Yeah.

Lawler's taking
over first period

and he's starting a whole
new seating chart... come on!

I cannot get the seat, no way!

Wait, let's just calm
down, take a breath

and approach this
rationally, hmm?

Is it me? Think, woman, think!

It's first come, first served!

Raven, run!

Girl, in these shoes,
this is running!

Come on, now!

Oh...

Reservations for Raven?

Thank you.

You really need to get
a cell phone, all right?

Thank you.

Mr. Thomas... Have a seat.

People, people, please?

Settle, please?

Tyrell... Patty, please?

Pay attention, people.

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ if you could gaze
into the future ♪

♪ future, future ♪

♪ you might think life
would be a breeze ♪

♪ life is a breeze ♪

♪ seeing trouble
from a distance ♪

♪ yeah ♪ go, Rae.

♪ But it's not that easy ♪

♪ oh, no ♪
take it to the bridge now.

♪ I try to save the situation ♪

♪ then I end up misbehaving ♪

♪ hey, now, say, now ♪

♪ about to put it
down, yeah, come on ♪

♪ and ride with the break, now ♪

♪ in that the future
looks great now ♪

♪ and everything's
gonna change now ♪

♪ let's keep it going ♪
♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's the future I can see ♪

♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's so mysterious to me... ♪

Yep, that's me.

That is why punctuality

is a pet peeve of mine.

I cannot say it enough.

Punctuality,
punctuality, punctuality.

Hi.

Raven Baxter?

Miss Baxter?

Miss Baxter?

Answer him!

Please don't make him
say your name again.

I'm so sorry.

That was so rude, Mr. Lawler.

And may I say

that science would have
to be my favorite subject.

Excellent.

Too bad this is English.

Which is why

you'll each be getting
a copy of oliver twist

the tragic tale of
a tortured youth.

I can relate.

Miss Baxter

please pass out
the reading lists.

Girl, you are not
going to believe this.

I just saw you with a...

guy!

So cool

I found my boyfriend
at burgerama

and you are going to find yours

somewhere in all this.

Raven, once again

you are making way
too big a deal out of this.

All you saw in your vision

was me talking to some guy.

A really cute guy.

But you only saw
the back of his head.

A really cute back of his head.

How do you know
I even liked him?

Because you did your... Oh!

I snorted?

Big time.

We've got to find this guy.

Rae, this is crazy.

What do I care
about bringing a guy

to Amber's stupid party?

Um, Chelse, this is bigger
than the party, all right?

This is the year we're going
to have boyfriends together.

I found mine, and now
you're going to find yours.

Okay, what are you writing?

You don't have a
boyfriend, okay?

Read it, memorize it, eat it.

But, but, you're
missing the point.

We could double-date.

I am talking... Parties together

movies, dancing...

Do you mind if I
eat while you nag?

Fine, but don't blame me

when you're all
alone at Amber's party

stuffing your face full of chips

while I'm with my boyfriend

and all you can say is...

"I wish I listened to Raven."

Look, Rae, I know you mean well

but I'll meet him when
I meet him, okay?

Hmm?

I'm so sorry.

Oh, it's, it's okay.

Hi.

Hi.

That's him!

That's the guy, the guy!

That's the guy, the guy!

You even did the laugh.

Did I snort?

Like a pig!

Okay, okay, calm, calm.

What's his name?

Well, you pulled me
away before I could ask.

No, Chelse, I pulled you away

before you looked like...

Oh, shut up! I am not.

What's up, "splash mountain"?

You know what's
worse than warm spit?

Cold spit.

Hey, Eddie, you
know those shirts

in the lost and found

that are, like, better off lost?

Go find one.

Rae, he's coming over.

Rae, what do I do?

Just be yourself,
play hard to get

and don't be all clingy.

I am not clingy.

Okay, then.

Wait, don't leave me!

Girl, please.

Um, I grabbed your
history book by mistake.

Oh, thanks.

Uh, look, I have
history next, too.

You walking over?

Um...

Not... not right away.

Well, maybe I'll
see you at lunch.

Yeah, that'd be great.

Heard it all, love that
you didn't go with him.

Yeah, I just let
him walk right on by

didn't even budge an inch.

And totally not clingy.

That's right.

Oh... Please!

See?

Totally not clingy.

Pepperoni pizza.

Pipe down, Paul,
and eat your pudding.

I like that.

I have that.

It was either
this or a tube top.

Well, I sort of like history.

I like it, too.

I mean, I guess it's 'cause
I'm really good at dates.

In-in history.

Oh... Dates in history.

So, uh what are you
doing after school?

Um, nothing...

that I could just
possibly get out of.

Busy, busy, busy me.

How about tomorrow after school?

Yeah, sure.

I can't rid of Sam.

No way.

Because he's my Sammy.

Yes, you are!

Yes, you are my little
Sammy-whammy boy! Aw!

Chelsea... Psssst.

Chelsea!

Raven wants you.

This will just take a second.

I'm sorry, just wait
one minute, sorry.

What?

I just had a vision

that someone wants
you to get rid of your dog.

No way.

Like I'd ever give
up my little Sam.

Yeah?

Excuse me?

Well, you said my name... Sam.

Oh... Your name's Sam?

Raven, he's another
little Sammy-whammy boy.

I'm a what?

Sam, she calls
all her guys that.

That's her little
Eddie-weddie boy.

Uh, uh, okay, you call me that?

Th-that's gotta stop.

That's gotta stop, yeah.

And, and we gotta go.

Oh, uh, I'll walk you out.

No, no, Sam, stay.

Sam...sit.

Good boy!

You guys, I'm
supposed to meet him

after school tomorrow...
What am I going to do?

Every time I say his name
now, I'm going to think of my dog.

Who cares if he has the
same name as your dog?

You know, he is so fine.

Yeah, he is cute, isn't he?

This is so silly.

Hey, Sam?

Don't worry, she likes
you, you lucky dog.

I still can't believe I
met a guy named Sam.

You know what?

The party is this Saturday.

Just get over it
and-and ask him to go.

Sure. As soon as
you ask your boyfriend.

You know, you'd say,
"hey, you want to go

to the party Saturday night?"

And then he'd say,
"and you are...?"

Okay, listen, little
miss missy, all right.

I spoke to my boyfriend.

We had a little conversation.

Get out. You did? What'd he say?

Let me tell you.

Okay, I called him,
right, and I said...

He said, "hello,"
and then I said...

"Is this Ernie's pizza?"

And then in the cutest way

he said, "no."

And then he hung up.

Girl, it was magical.

And then her father
said, in the cutest way

"get off the phone."

And she did.

And it was so magical.

Dad, this is serious, all right?

This is about Amber's party.

Amber's having a party,
and she didn't invite me?

That is so like her.

Chelsea, look,
why don't you just

change your dog's name?

But that's his name.

I-I can't get rid of Sam.

No way.

Because he's my Sammy.

Yes, you are!

Yes, you are my little
Sammy whammy boy!

Homework.

I need the computer.

Get away, maggot.

Okay, fine.

Undermine my education.

Step on the hopes and dreams
our father has for his children.

Boy, I'd be happy
if you just flushed.

Rae, it's not that I
don't want a boyfriend.

It's just maybe this
guy is not the one.

And I agree.

Chelsea... Corey here.

Listen, I heard
about your problem

and if you need
someone to talk to

or watch you exercise,
I'm here for you, baby.

You still wear those pajamas?

You know, the ones
with the bunny feet...

Baby?

Well, baby, if that's
what turns you on.

Hand over the phone, worm.

Ooh!

Don't look at me.

The boy is good.

And my nickname
isn't worm or maggot.

It's... Dr. Love.

Nickname.

Girl, nickname...
That's what we can do.

We can give him a nickname.

Then you can call
him anything you want.

And for your fyi, I have
Corey's spit in my ear.

Ew!

Call you later.

It's not going to work, honey.

There's only one place

where guys can get
a good nickname.

Unfortunately,
girls aren't allowed.

Where?

Aha!

Tell her, son.

The gym!

Ooh, nice shot.

Get out here!

Yeah.

Chelsea, get out here.

Yeah, yeah.

You know.

Are your draws riding
up or something?

No. All right?

Like this. Come on.

Yeah. That's it.

It's all about the shoulders.

It's all about the shoulders.

Yeah. Yeah, you got it.

All right. That's my boyfriend.

No, no. Raven, no.

No. No.

We are going to be
such a cute couple

once I'm a girl again.

Let's just get in the game.

Moving pick.

No moving your
feet when you block.

You know that, Sam. All right.

Okay, pick. Nose picker.

Booger, booger, booger.

Way to go, booger!

All right, booger.

Chelsea and booger?

Oh, sure, if you
say it like that.

Okay, that's what I want to see.

Nice dunk, Sam. Nice dunk.

Dunk, dunk, dunker, dunkey.

Way to go, dunkey!

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

All right.

Great. So I've gone
from a dog to a donkey.

But that sounds stupid.

No, but if you say dunk...

Let's have a cooler name.

No, but I'm trying to tell you.

I don't know you, do I?

But, uh

I do know that those
sunglasses are against the rules.

It's a silly rule, but, uh

do you know who made it up?

No. Me!

Now, names?

Uh, I'm bill.

And, uh, I'm-I'm Bob.

Last names.

Uh, Bob?

Bob Bob?

Yeah, coach, and I'm bill Bob.

Uh, yeah, we're-we're
cousins, right, Bob?

Bill.

Uh, see, even we get confused.

Well, let me see if I
can unconfuse you.

You're shirts. You're skins.

Shirts over there,
skins over there.

Move.

All right. All right.

Shirts, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm a skin, I'm a skin.

All right, yeah, I'm a skin.

I'm a skin, yo.

I'm a skin.

Yo, dawg, what's skins?

Oh, snap.

I'm a shirt.

Yeah, I'm a shirt.

I'm a shirt,
shirt, shirt, shirt.

We shirts, girl. We
got to get out of here.

But-but they-they were
going to let me play guard.

How's the seat, d.J. Dribble?

Yeah.

Spit for brains.

♪ Sitting in a seat,
soaked to his feet ♪

♪ everybody knows that
the fool is dead meat ♪

♪ we ain't joking ♪

♪ this kid is soaking wet ♪

♪ we ain't joking ♪

♪ this kid is soaking! ♪

Soaking. Whoo!

Let me break it down for y'all.

All right, uh...

♪ I may be sitting in the seat ♪

♪ soaked to my feet ♪

♪ but this homeboy's
got you beat ♪

♪ and you can call me names ♪

♪ make funny faces
by the dozens ♪

♪ 'cause you're nothing but a
bunch a sad rapping cousins ♪

♪ you think you're so smart ♪

♪ you get fs and ds ♪

♪ and your grades so low,
man, you get straight zs ♪

♪ I may be stuck sitting
through spit and spray ♪

♪ but it don't really matter ♪

♪ 'cause I'm gonna get an "a"! ♪

That was all, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Yo, way to go, Eddie.

Man, you get an
"a" in lawler's class?

I don't know, but it
rhymed, and you know?

Hey, where are you going?

I got a boyfriend to meet.

If Eddie can get over
being stuck with a seat

I can get over a stupid name.

That's my girl.

We are so double-dating
this weekend! Oh!

Oh.

You guys want to
sh**t some hoops

after school today?

I thought you were going
to meet that girl after school.

Chelsea?

Nah. It's... Just
not there for me.

Rae, I don't like that face.

Yeah, well... I
didn't like my vision.

Oh, good you're here.

Okay, I'm meeting Sam.

What do you think?

Um... You look good.

You look really good.

But you know, I was thinking

um, that dating a guy

with the same name as your dog

you know, is really
kind of bizarre.

And dating a guy you
don't really know is kind of

you know, bizarre... er.

I was just thinking.

He is not your type.

You mean, tall and really cute?

Yes, girl. That is so last year.

Do you know what
is in right now?

Those little cute,
short dumpy guys.

They are so cute!

Your participation
has positively improved

Mr. Thomas.

Thanks to my new seating plan.

Thanks, Mr. Lawler, but, uh...

Nature calls.

What are you two doing
in the boy's bathroom?

Uh, okay, uh, this is bad.

I'm out of here.

Me, too.

I don't want to be
late meeting Sam.

He's not going to be there.

What?

She saw it in a vision.

Well...

He said it just
wasn't there for him.

Oh.

But, like, what
does he know, girl?

He is crazy, 'cause you got it.

You got it all
over you. All over.

All up in there. You got it.

Yeah. I mean, you
absolutely have it.

I...

Uh... maybe not my it,
you know, 'cause we friends

and friends don't
look at friends' its.

But, uh, for lots of other guys

you-you definitely
have it going on.

Nice try.

Bottom line is

I still don't have a boyfriend.

Chelsea, did we have
a good year last year?

Yeah.

And did we have boyfriends?

No, but what about
all that stuff you said

about boyfriends
and double-dating?

I said a lot of stuff.

I was wrong, all right?

Sure, it would be
fun to date someone

but we don't have
to date someone

to have fun.

We are going to
Amber's party together.

And if we find boyfriends

it'll be because they're
nice sweet guys...

Who have cars.

Man... This Cheryl is bad!

Is this her current number?

What up, dawg?

I, uh, kind of like
that girl you blew off.

Hope it's cool.

Uh, yeah, no problem.

Go for it.

Good.

'Cause she invited me

to a warriors/laker
game tonight, floor seats.

Her dad's tight with Kobe.

Oh, man!

Oh, yeah.

Well, uh, peace out.

Rae, you were brilliant.

Yeah, well, uh, no one
messes with my girl.

You doing a great job.

Perfect!