01x12 - Teach Your Children Well

[bunniefuu]

Hey, guys.

Hey.

All right.

Bam!

Okay.

Hey, Eric.

Hey.

Whew, he is so... Fine!

Yeah. Mm-mm!

You know, for you.

You know, all for you.

Um, Eddie your
head's on backwards.

All part of the plan.

Chill out.

Pipe down people...
People, please.

Whose head is on backwards now?

First an important
announcement...

I'm being promoted
to principal...

And Mr. Perkins

is being pushed up
to superintendent.

So you mean you won't be
teaching right here anymore?

Precisely.

I need a minute alone.

I'll be okay.

So now, when you send me

to the principal's office

you're going to be
sending me to you?

Oh, brain cramp.

You'll have a substitute
for the rest of the week

and on Monday there
will be a new teacher.

So who do you think the
new teacher's going to be?

I hope it's not that
whiny guy, you know.

"Please, students, please

"all I ask is y'all sit down.

Please help me."

At least he's better
than that paranoid lady.

"Why are you all
talking about me?

"Why are you talking about me?

I know you guys all hate me..."

Ladies.

Talking.

Tragically neither
one is available.

We've been having
a heck of a time

finding a substitute.

Hello, class.

I'm your substitute,
Mrs. Baxter.

You're not going
to believe this.

My mom is going to be the sub.

Your mom?

I know, I mean,
she used to teach

but Mr. Lawler
doesn't know that.

He hasn't even met her before.

Raven, you forgot your lunch.

And she's not going
to know him now.

Thanks, mom.

Oh, isn't that sweet.

Buh-bye.

Mrs. Baxter I don't
believe we've had

the pleasure of meeting.

Oh, and now you have

so once again, buh-bye.

I've got learning to do.

You know, I wish my
students were this eager

back when I was
teaching English.

Uh-huh.

Well, I should go.

You were an English
teacher previously?

Mrs. Baxter, I just
had the craziest idea...

No!

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ if you could gaze
into the future ♪

♪ future, future ♪

♪ you might think life
would be a breeze ♪

♪ life is a breeze ♪

♪ seeing trouble
from a distance ♪

♪ yeah ♪ go, Rae.

♪ But it's not that easy ♪

♪ oh, no ♪
take it to the bridge now.

♪ I try to save the situation ♪

♪ then I end up misbehaving ♪

♪ hey, now, say, now ♪

♪ about to put it
down, yeah, come on ♪

♪ and ride with the break, now ♪

♪ in that the future
looks great now ♪

♪ and everything's
gonna change now ♪

♪ let's keep it going ♪
♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's the future I can see ♪

♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's so mysterious to me... ♪

Yep, that's me.

I just know it, Chel.

My vision is going to come true.

Rae, would you stop
panicking, please.

Just because lawler
asked her to sub

doesn't mean
she's going to do it.

So let's talk about
something else.

Is she an easy grader?

You know what, this
is just too weird, okay?

There has to be some
way I can change this thing.

Hey, brother.

How you doing?

Um, I'm going to need
you to do me a favor, okay?

When mom comes downstairs,
and I'm going to cough

and then I want you to say

"mommy, please don't
leave me all alone."

Not a problem.

I do this for you, and I get...

Forget it.

Ooh, I like 'em feisty.

Okay, you know what,
two bucks or nothing.

Deal.

Here you go.

This ain't over yet, baby.

Raven, that's just
you popping your gum.

I thought they were
ripping up the sidewalk.

Listen, honey

I thought about
Mr. Lawler's offer.

If you have a problem

with me subbing for
a couple of days...

Oh, no, no, mommy, you
know I'm totally fine with it

but I am a little concerned
about my little brother.

See, he gets home at
what? 2:00, 2:45, right?

And if you sub

mom, you won't
get home until 3:00.

Now, when I was his
age, you were there for me.

And those 15 minutes
meant so much.

Thank you, mom.

Let's just see how Corey feels.

Wait, are you
saying for 15 minutes

I'd be home all by myself?

Oh, yeah!

Oh, don't worry about me, mom.

I'll be fine.

I'd do something
about that cough.

Windpipe.

I don't want to go.

Rae... I don't want to go!

Your mom isn't even here yet.

Just relax.

Right. Relax.

Relax, she's not here.

But she's in the building.

I can feel her.

She's getting closer
and closer and closer.

I can't see! I can't see!

Rae!

It's a miracle.

Hey, Eric.

Hey.

He is so... Fine!

Hello, class.

I'm your substitute,
Mrs. Baxter.

Today we're going to be

working on Romeo and Juliet.

Can anyone tell me
what this play is about?

Anyone?

I know someone who can.

Raven.

Boy likes girl, girl likes boy.

They both die. Cry,
cry, cry, the end.

Good.

Fast, but good, honey.

I meant Raven.

I called her honey
because she's my...

Oh, you know the story.

Anyway... One more day.

One... more... day.

"Romeo, Romeo

"wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Deny thy father and
refuse thy name."

Raven, I know you're bummed out

that your mom's here and all

but if it makes
you feel any better

she's a babe.

"That which we call a Rose

by any other name
would smell as sweet."

Sweet.

Okay, let me try and
make this a little easier.

If Shakespeare
were writing today

it might sound more like this:

"Yo, Romeo, where you at, okay?

"Tell your daddy if he
don't like us together

"then that's just too bad

"because this Juliet
ain't waitin' around

"for some fool in
tights named Romeo.

You know what I'm sayin'?"

And Romeo might sound like this:

"Do you believe the words

"that are comin'
out of her mouth?

"Should I speak up

"and make a fool of myself

or just let her go on and on
about how fine she think I am?"

Raven, gum.

Three more hours.

Just three more hours.

I'm free!

♪ No mom... no more
mom, no more mom ♪

♪ no more mom, no more
mom, no more mom, no more... ♪

Hey, mom.

Hey.

Hey, you know what...
These last two days

man, it's like a blink.

Where'd they go?

I mean, I didn't see
them. Did you see them?

I didn't see them. Did you?

Then I've got good news.

I just spoke with Mr. Lawler

and he offered me a
permanent position.

You okay with this?

Well, actually...

Raven, I love this job.

Couldn't be happier.

Thanks, sweetie.

Honey, gum.

Okay.

Well, I'm on my way home
to tell your little brother.

I just hope he understands.

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-hey ♪

♪ ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-hey ♪

♪ ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-hey ♪

♪ ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-hey ♪

Everybody dancing!

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-hey ♪

♪ ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-hey ♪

♪ ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-hey... ♪

I don't get it, Raven.

Your mom asked if you had a
problem with her teaching here.

Why don't you just
tell her how you felt?

Chelsea, okay, you
did not see my vision.

First of all, she loves this job

and everybody in
class loves her, too.

I just can't take
that away from her.

You're a good daughter, Rae.

Thanks.

Maybe I can get her fired.

Kidding. Can't I dream?

I'm sorry.

Raven, I've been thinking

and I don't mind that
your mom has kids.

I'm good with kids.

Max... my mama is married, okay?

Let it go before it gets ugly.

And you're going to need this.

Ooh, lucky penny.

Hey, Eric.

Hi. Hey.

You'd like to...?

Eric, nice report.

But next time maybe
you can hand it in

without the pizza stains.

I do not know what's
up with that new teacher.

Tell me about it.

So...

Oh, and, honey, I'm going
to be home a little late.

Do you mind starting
dinner? I've got chicken...

Got it, got it, got it.

Okay.

I don't know

what that woman
was talking about.

You were saying?

I got to go. Later.

I had him, man. I had him.

He was in my grasp.

I had him. I had him. Mama, why?

Having my mom here
has totally busted my game.

I hate it.

Okay, before we get started

I just wanted to let you know

that I'm going to
be your teacher

for the rest of the year.

Is all of that for me?

Is that for me. You stop it!

You stop it!

What happened? You stop it?

I just don't want her here.

She's not funny. She's
embarrassing. She's...

I hate this!

Underline, underline, underline!

Man, Rae, this is cold.

Pass it to Chelsea.

Wow.

Okay, guys if you will take out

your vocabulary list

and review them, I'll
collect the homework.

Thank you.

Uh, Ms. Baxter, may I
just say how much I enjoy

doing the homework assignment?

But I'd like to change
one little bitty thing.

Can I sea Chelsea's homework?

Eddie, that would
be called cheating.

That's not what he meant.

What did he mean?

I don't know.

Gotcha!

It was all a joke.

It's just a trick

that we play on all
of the substitutes

and you didn't get it.

And there it goes.

Thank you.

Listen, you'll all get
your reports back

after I grade them
in the morning.

As it should be, Ms. Baxter.

Spoken like a true teacher.

Proud of you, mom.

Operation note rescue...
We attack at dawn.

Ready?

Ready.

We're going in.

No, we're not. It's locked.

Oh, it's locked!

I just said that.

I know.

Give me a boost.

Come on. Come on.

Get it. Get it.

Good morning.

Hi, Mr. Lawler.

We're doing nothing wrong.

Well, I'm pleased to see
my pupils here so early.

As principal

I arrive promptly at 6:30
and do a thorough inspection

of the premises
with my master key.

Watch.

Open.

Close.

Open.

Looks good in here.

Close.

Well, I better finish
patrolling the place.

Toodles.

Rae

since you're hanging there,
could you open the door?

No problem.

Oh, it's locked!

Where's the key?

Guys?

I don't have the key!

Well, don't look at me.

Guys?

Try prying it open or something.

Okay.

No good. What
are we going to do?

Guys, hanging
like a bat over here!

So what's the plan?

Get this desk as far away
from my mama as possible.

Yeah, but, Rae, this
is school property.

I know, okay?

That's why we're
moving it very carefully.

Door, door, door!

I don't mean to
bug y'all or anything

but can we come
up with a better plan?

Left! No, right!

Hey!

Oh, man!

This can't be good.

Rae!

Hey, where did that
desk come from?

Uh, actually, Mr. Lawler

this desk came from a tree.

You know, until mankind
cut it down with no regard

to nature and all... Eh!

What she was trying
to say, Mr. Lawler

is that we found
it in the parking lot

and we're just, you know,
bringing it back, really.

Well, pick me up and put me down

this is my old desk.

Solid, sturdy.

Except for this pesky drawer.

Wait! Stop!

Who are you talking to?

Um, um, she was just
singing that new, cool song.

You know, how's does it go?

You know...

♪ Wait, stop, where ya going? ♪

♪ Stop! Wait! I'm a-coming ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Boy! ♪

I like that.

Come on, Mr. Thomas.

Let's bring this
baby back upstairs.

Show me how you do that...

thing.

"Every single second
my mom's here

"my life gets worse and worse.

"If I see her face in
my class one more time

I'm going to scream."

Now you know why I don't
want her to read the note.

Rae, I know it's really
hard having your mom here

but maybe it'll get better.

Maybe, but maybe it won't.

Look, I love my mom

and I love hanging out
with her, just not here.

Here, I'm Raven

but when she's here I'm
Mrs. Baxter's daughter.

But, Rae, your
mom's, like, so cool.

She'll understand.

Yeah, she's so happy.

I'll just have to
get used to it, huh?

Hey, honey.

Got a minute?

Sure.

You know, being at school

with you got me to thinking

about when I was your age.

I used to get away
with so much stuff.

I had this one
teacher, Mr. Swenson.

I did the best imitation of him:

Enunciate, Tanya! Enunciate!

I mean, I had the
whole class cracking up.

You?

Your mama had a life.

And if there were
cute boys in the hall

I'd be talking to 'em like you

with your friend Eric.

Kind of blew that
for you, didn't I?

You know... Yeah, mama, yeah.

Honey, I had a great
time when I was in school.

But it would have
been really weird

if my mom had been around.

That's why I'm not going
to take this teaching job.

What? Mama, all the
kids think you're great.

Raven, I love this job.

I know. Being a teacher.

No, being your mom.

And when I do go
back to teaching

I'll make sure it's
at a different school.

Promise.

Bam!

Go on, mama. That was tight.

What? You thought
you was the only one

that could get some zap?

Mama, what exactly was that?

Was it, what?

Shh... what was it?

Girlfriend, if you think you're
going to Jack my moves

think again.

But, mama, wait.

What are you doing here?

Sorry, little man.

This fantasy is taken.

Oh, man!

Get your little self up off me!

What's up, little man?

You take my women,
I take your pizza.