06x14 - All that Glitters Isn't Gold

[bunniefuu]

Previously, on "Below Deck."

You need to check yourself.

We have two weeks left
in this charter.

All you can do
is rise above it.

Everybody needs somebody
they can confide in.

Do you like boys
or girls or both?

I like guys, but I don't
think people should come out.

You should just live your
best life being who you are.

I hate talking
about this stuff so much.

[laughs]

He's like a Terminator.

Back from the future to [BLEEP]
every girl he can, you know?

-Who do you think is gonna have sex first?
-Both of them.

-Rhylee!
-I know, I see it.

Just show him what he's missing.

I don't give a [BLEEP]!

It's not like I forgive him.

It's just, I'm in the mood
for sex right now.

I'm not going to be
a tally on your checklist.

Let's end it.

You're not even listening,
and you're ----ing wasted,

and this is just
a stupid conversation.

[horn blares]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

[alarm blares]

♪ ♪

[grunts]

-Oh, I need water in my life.
-Oh, my God.

[phone dings]

That's mine, I think.

Mm.

Did you have fun last night?

Do you remember making out with a chick?

-I did not.
-Yes you did.

-Did I?
-Yep.

Like full-on make out session.

I came back home to you, though.

You're so ----ing stupid.

Well…

I'm… sorry?

-I mean. it's okay.
-It's okay.

[whimsical music]

-Hey, Laura?
-Yo.

Can you go clean
the sky lounge?

Let me just throw this in.
I'll be there in two.

Okay.

♪ ♪

It's never fun trying to

pick up the pieces
from a night before.

You're just never sure
of what you've done,

or what was said.

I definitely have a bit
of investigating to do.

[laughs]

[exhales]

-Are you still, like, mad at me?
-No, not at all.

I don't know if, like,
how drunk you were or whatever,

but, like, do you recall?

I just assumed that you
would be mad at me.

-No, I wasn't mad at you.
-Okay.

Not at all, no.
Not at all.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Okay, that's weird.

[groovy music]

-Hey, Ross, I'll rinse.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll wash.

♪ ♪

Keep ironing,
because this is my life.

My sad, pathetic life.

[grunts]

Can I have some water?

[yelps]

How was your night
last night?

Great.

I--I went to bed,
like you guys.

-What's up, g*ng?
-If you want to jump

on that mitt, and start doing
the stainless rails.

Yeah, the mitt is in here.
It's in here.

It's in my bucket.

[whimsical music]

It's right here.
It's in my bucket.

What's happening?
Oh!

♪ ♪

Since Tyler's
joined the boat,

Rhylee's mood has gone
from here to here.

What a great addition
to this team.

Just jump
on that stainless, yeah.

[upbeat music]

[blows raspberry]

-Hey, guys.
-Hey, hey, hey.

Whatever happened with
you and Ashton on the dock?

You were kind of giving him
a piece of your mind.

Oh, uh, yeah.

Here's the thing with Laura.

She's fallen in line
ever since Captain Lee

had a talking to her.

So as long as there's not a
lot of drama, let's girl talk.

On the way to the club,
he's, like, holding my hand,

and he's telling me
how much he likes me,

and four sh*ts later,
he's, like, all up on--

I'm like, that's okay,
but just own it.

And you're not going to come
home, and, like, cuddle me.

-I ain't your backup lady.
-No.

So this morning,
he comes up to me,

and he's, like, "Are you mad?"
I'm, like, "No, I'm not mad."

Do you know anything about what
happened last night?

Did I hook up
with someone else?

Yeah bro, you were being a slut.

What?

[laughter]

[BLEEP], [BLEEP].

I'm not going to approach
the situation again.

I don't think you're going to
have to approach the situation.

-No.
-I have a feeling

he will come to you.

-Mm-hmm.
-Very soon.

In your mouth.

[laughs]

[groovy music]

♪ ♪

-I called my son today.
-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah, bro.
-How is he?

-He's a little legend.
-How long were you

-with Alison for?
-Five years.

She's just a great mother, man.

She always puts him first,
you know?

When I first had Kyle,
I wasn't behaving like a dad.

I was too immature.
I was just partying, bro.

I was, like, trying
to be cool and sh--.

When I look back now,
I'm kind of embarrassed,

and that's the time frame I was
with Alison, unfortunately.

I do love Alison.
I care about her.

She's an awesome mother.
She's an awesome person.

She's been my best friend
for a long time,

and I hope, one day, we can
eventually work something out.

Now, when I live, it's like,

how do I want my kid,
you know, to see me?

Well, that's the thing, is,
you're his role model now.

-Yeah.
-I think it takes

a strong character
to be able to

sort yourself out like that.

[uplifting music]

Kate, Adrian, and Ross,
can I get you guys

-up to the wheelhouse, ASAP?
-Copy.

-Copy.
-Copy.

It's a trifecta.

[dramatic music]

What a beautiful time
to have a preference meeting.

It is.
Have a seat.

Yay, I love him.

Good thing,
because he's back.

Charley Walters.

Charley wasn't
the primary last time.

No, but he had
a primary personality.

-You have beautiful eyes.
-No, you have beautiful eyes.

No, you have beautiful eyes.

His previous charter
was in the Caribbean,

where the yacht was stuck
at the dock due to weather.

Not being able to go out?
I mean, that's

the whole point
of the trip, right?

They're having a huge,
huge complaint right now.

This kind of sucks,
I'm not going to lie.

Charley's looking forward
to pushing off the dock.

[laughs]

Making unforgettable
memories at sea

with his closest friends.

The group has requested
an array of theme parties.

-Kate, an all gold party.
-That's right up your alley.

-You love gold.
-Don't hold your breath

for that one, Kate.

-A wig party.
-They like to have

a good time,
if I remember correctly.

Training for fitness events,

so they've all requested
healthy foods.

-No sugar.
-Yeah, no sugar

-is going to be a tough one.
-No meat on the bone.

-Any questions, people?
-No.

-All right, we're done.
-Thank you, sir.

How nice is this sunset?
This is so pretty.

Let's take a picture
of our feet.

I have something to tell you.

My vag*na hurts.

Why does your vag*na hurt?

Me and Tyler, we did it five times.

How did I not know this?

I didn't want anybody
to know.

I mean, my plan is to
keep getting laid,

and laid, and laid.

I was pissed.
I was, like,

"no, you're not going to
make out with a girl

and then come dance with me."

But anyway, we had, obviously,
a lot to drink last night.

He was poking and prodding.
I kind of let him.

And then, I let him again.

And then, again.

Because he stays hard.

[laughs]

[groovy music]

I don't know where
it's going to go,

and I'm not expecting anything,
but I do kind of like him.

You just, like,
fit together quite nicely.

We did fit together
quite nicely.

Oh, my God.

[groovy music]

♪ ♪

-See you tomorrow.
-See you.

[upbeat music]

Let me just take this off.

♪ ♪

All crew, all crew.
Provisions on dock.

-Hey.
-Hey.

-Did you buy me a present?
-No.

Adrian!

Right, Laura, could you give
me a hand doing this?

Yep, coming.

I'm in here.

This is not it, mate.

-I know.
-This is, like, a crew sheet.

-This might work.
-Oh, it's a king.

-Hey.
-Yes.

Yas queen.

-Yas, queen--yes, king.
-Yas, king.

I hope the guests
aren't like that.

They will be, I can tell
by their photos.

[groans]

When I was in high school,
and they were bullying me

because I was gay,
I then went to the gay bar.

They were bullying me because

I wasn't wearing
the right things,

or wasn't gay enough,
and it just wasn't fun for me.

Kate said that Charles was
charting here last year.

Yeah.

With eight gay guys
coming on the boat

that looked like the ones
that used to bully me,

it's kind of pushing me back
into a road

that I don't really
want to go down.

I'm just not looking forward
to this charter at all.

-It's, like, my worst nightmare.
-Yeah.

Coming up…

[dramatic music]

Oh-ho!

It's going to be a
rough ride, so let's get things

battened down
a little bit more.

This is a sh-- show.

Yeah, okay, let's get out of here.
This is dangerous.

[groovy music]

♪ ♪

I think it's so weird
how similar

-our lives have kind of been.
-Dude!

And then we meet in Tahiti
on a $40 million boat.

Are you the type of guy
that just dates?

Like, a hundred women
at a time.

-I was just kidding.
-I've never done that

-in my entire life.
-That's good to know.

This is why I like Rhylee.

We flirt all day at work,
have sex,

I can kiss other girls
at the club,

and she still doesn't hate me.

I'm going to marry this girl.

We are locked and loaded
down here.

Do you want to hear
something crazy?

Uh, sure.

Rhylee and Tyler hooked up.

Hooked up, hooked up.

-P in the V, yeah.
-P in the V?

-P in the V.
-OMTG.

[laughs]

-How do you know?
-She told me the juice-juice.

I'm not surprised at all.

Yes, he was making out
with another woman,

which is exactly
why Rhylee ----ed him.

Stake that claim.

I don't even know
what to say about that.

-You get your protein fix?
-Yep.

Protein, must eat.

So I had a quick chat to Laura,

And she was pretty
upset with me, the other night.

Yeah.

And then she was like
acting all cool about it?

Not quite sure how to read it.

-What do you think about it?
-I don't know, it's hard to tell.

You know, like, right off
the bat, she was, like,

"I don't want to be
with Ashton.

I'm just going to be
another number for him."

I was, like, "yeah, well,
he does like women, so,

you know, I mean, be prepared
for that, you know?"

It's the truth,
Adrian is letting her know

what I get like when I go out.

It's annoying,
it's frustrating.

But if this is a bit
of competition tactic,

then cool, you know?
Bring it on.

I'm not going to
get pissed off at Adrian,

because that'll
just show weakness.

I do like her.

That's why I'm like kind of,

I don't know really what to do.

If you were not
on this boat, you know,

would you be
really keen on her?

Like, the other night,
you were at the club,

and there was her
and a hundred other women,

and I saw you with
the 100 other women.

[laughs]

Attention all crew:

30 minutes
until guest arrival.

[upbeat music]

I didn't even look
at the time, but I've looked

at my phone,
like, four times.

♪ ♪

-I really like these uniforms.
-I love liquid yacht wear.

-Morning, Cap.
-Good morning.

How you doing?

-Oh, here they come.
-Are you guys ready?

all: Yeah!

Jeez, they put a spring
in their step.

-Yes.
-Hey.

Captain, good to see you again.

-Hey, girl.
-Hi.

-How are you?
-Good, how are you?

-Good to see you.
-You, too.

Hey, how's it going?
I'm Charley.

How's it going?
Nice to meet you.

-Philly, how are you?
-Hi.

-Hi.
-I'm Laura.

-Nice to meet you.
-Cheers.

-Hey, cheers, everybody.
-Cheers.

-All right, welcome aboard.
-Thank you.

And we'll get you guys off
the dock as quick as possible.

Kate's going to show you
to your quarters,

and we'll get this thing
going on.

All right, let's do it.

[upbeat music]

-This is our bridge deck aft.
-Oh, beautiful.

This is where you guys
are going to have

most of your meals.

I'm going to go get changed,
and check myself.

You best check yourself,
boo boo.

-Right this way to the sun deck.
-Wow.

Hot tub, yes!

So it's got a lot
of deck space.

I'm kind of loving the bar
at the Jacuzzi moment.

[upbeat music]

And now, we'll go down
to your master stateroom.

Ross, I want to
be out of here by 12:30.

Yeah, copy.

This is your
master stateroom,

and the master bathroom
is huge.

This is the nicest yacht
bathroom I've ever seen.

If we go up to the main deck,
I think that's a great place

for you guys to watch them
leave the dock.

-Okay.
-Can I get you guys anything

to drink besides
what you're drinking?

-Eight tequilas.
-Sure, why not?

-Chilled.
-Okay.

-Four more pieces.
-Do you need more champagne?

No, they want
eight tequila sh*ts.

Let me go change real quick.

Clink, clink, clink.
Where's my refill?

Are you guys good
on those chairs?

I'm going to get the anchor.

Let's go upstairs.
Let's get in the sun.

-I need a drink.
-We'll make it easier.

-We'll come to the bar for them.
-Yes!

[ice rattling]

So, yeah, guys, I have some
tequila there for you guys.

Thank you so much.
Cheers to Josiah.

[indistinct chatter]

Breathe in through your nose,
and out through your mouth.

Thank you, Josiah.
And to Josiah's hair.

-Yes!
-Thank you, Josiah's hair.

-Drop all lines.
-Copy.

-Thank you.
-All hands off deck

on the bar.
All right, Captain.

You are free to
maneuver back here.

Rhylee, start ticking up
on the anchor.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Can I get you guys
some more drinks

-now that you've had your sh*ts?
-Yes, yes.

-Piña colada.
-Two, please.

I'll have another glass
of champagne.

Tito's vodka,
with lime juice.

-A vodka tonic.
-Okay, great.

-Yes.
-My pleasure.

-Anchor's in the pocket.
-We're out of here.

Oh, we're moving.
Yay, we're moving!

[cheering]

[upbeat music]

Man, look at that.

I just can't believe
the views here.

-Look at that waterfall.
-Is that a waterfall?

Yeah, and look, it's in
the shape of a heart.

That's sweet.

While you're working so much,
sometimes you forget

that we're all in the most
romantic place on earth.

I love it.
I think it's exciting.

-Tahiti, b*tches.
-Who wanted these?

-The gay guy.
-The gay one?

The one that's not
wearing a shirt.

Right, okay.

They all look
exactly the same.

These are also the groups
of gays that I don't like

because they normally
bully me over stuff.

-Because they're all too--
-Bitchy?

Yes, I remember, I was
wearing a t*nk top once,

and there was, like, a group
of gays that were like that

that were wearing t*nk tops,
and one of them was like,

"why are you wearing
a t*nk top?

You're fat."
I was, like, "oh."

I was, like, "thanks, hon."

I've always been quite insecure
about my appearance.

In gymnastics, everyone looked
very strong, and I never did.

When I went to Miami, everyone
all had perfect bodies,

and I didn't.

And these guys
have come on board,

and they're obviously in
very good shape.

I'm feeling quite
uncomfortable right now.

I think they were
just jealous of you.

-What are they jealous of?
-How handsome you are.

[groovy music]

♪ ♪

Hey, where are they?
Where did they go.

They keep moving.

Follow the scent
of tanning oil.

I think these guys
are going to keep us busy.

Who ordered a piña colada?

Could I have
some champagne, actually?

-Yes, of course.
-Thank you so much.

-No worries.
-He's so sweet.

He's definitely, like,
on the team, you guys.

-I don't think so.
-Trust me. I've got good 'dar.

-Hi, Adrian.
-Yo.

You want to
sh**t for lunch at 2:00?

-2:00 is good?
-Yeah.

Okay, I'll tell them.
Thank you.

[groovy music]

-Hey, girl.
-Hi.

We're making drinks,
and then lunch is at 2:00

Okay.

[laughter]

Oh, wow.
Right in the face.

[groovy music]

♪ ♪

-God damn it.
-Uh-oh.

Napkins flying everywhere.
Ah!

All right, crew, we've got
a bit of a swell coming on,

-so everybody hang on.
-Copy.

-Whoa.
-Yeah, be careful.

It's super sway-ey right now.

We got about another


Oh-ho!

[bottles clattering]

Ooh!

[dramatic music]

What was that?

Take one of me--
Oh, my God.

-Oh!
-Oh, sh--.

Kate, Kate, can you come up
to the sky lounge, please?

-What was it?
-Red wine, vodka.

The boat is literally
going sideways.

There is red wine everywhere.
This is a sh-- show.

-Oh, my God.
-Yeah, okay.

Let's get out of here.
This is dangerous.

It's going to be
a rough ride, so let's

get things battened down
a little bit more.

-Coming up…
-Kate, when's the main course

-being served?
-Uh, that was it.

But are you still hungry?

Kate, please serve him

-real food.
-He's so cute, okay.

It's just too many dicks
on one boat.

Ooh!

[dramatic music]

-What was that?
-Oh-ho!

It's going to be a
rough ride, so let's get things

battened down
a little bit more.

-Oh!
-Oh, my God.

Yeah, okay,
let's get out of here.

-This is dangerous.
-Captain, Captain, Kate.

How long until we turn?

Because I don't want to
serve lunch like this.

-I need another 20 minutes.
-Copy.

-Such a ----ing joke.
-How are we doing on lunch?

Good, but I just checked
with the captain,

and it's going to be like this
for about 10 more minutes,

so I prefer to wait to serve
lunch until it's not so windy.

-Okay.
-Can I get you guys anything?

Lunch.

As soon as we turn
this corner.

Otherwise, the food would just
be flying everywhere.

Can I get
a sparkling water, please?

Is everyone on board
for a tequila shot?

-Yeah.
-Kate, can we get

-some tequila sh*ts?
-Hey can we get tequila?

-Six tequila sh*ts?
-Sure, of course.

[scoffs]

[tense music]

Oh, um, there's a bunch
of boxers in the laundry,

and I don't know whose
they are, so you guys go

and fetch your sh--.

Do you know…

Do you only know which ones are…

Ash's?

No, I don't know
anybody's boxers, actually.

[laughs]

[groovy music]

♪ ♪

We're starting to round
the corner now.

It should get
progressively better.

-All right, you ordered these.
-Hey, I'm drunk.

You can have mine.

I'm not allowed,
buy maybe later.

It's actually, like,
even more gorgeous

-than, like, Hawaii.
-It is.

On my mark,
give me four sh*ts.

Go ahead and drop.

♪ ♪

Four sh*ts
at the waterline, Captain.

-Very long stay, 12:00.
-That's a good stick.

Well, get the toys
in the water.

Should I start hitting that
with the pump?

No, not yet.
We got to do

-the Jet Skis first.
-Good work out there, right?

-Getting better and better.
-I'm not nervous

about it now.

[dramatic music]

Adrian, Adrian,
guests are at the table.

Copy that.

These guys are all about
their body, being fit.

On their preference sheet,
it says they want light lunch,

and the first meal,
I really try

and stick with
the preference sheet.

If you make exactly what's on
the preference sheet,

and they don't like it,

you know that
you're going to have a problem.

We're all gay,
we're all here.

Talk about the first time
that you touched a d*ck.

Oh, my God, no.
We're not doing that.

Why?

-I really want to like them.
-I know, same.

[groovy music]

-I'm really hungry, actually.
-I am, like, really hungry.

Laura, Laura, can you come
to the galley for service?

Yes, that was, like, the most
chaotic two hours ever.

-We're almost there.
-I love the little guy.

-I love this, yeah.
-And we're good.

[groovy music]

-Thanks, babe.
-No problem.

So Adrian's here
to present your lunch.

-Chef Adrian.
-all: Hi!

[cheering]

The presentation
is gorgeous, babe.

-Thank you so much.
-Thank you.

-Yeah.
-Okay, so I made a duo

of baby lobster and some
local freshwater shrimp

that I glazed
with pineapple and coconut.

And curried zucchini, and a
little bit of orange dressing

-to go with that.
-Amazing.

-Thank you so much.
-I am so impressed.

Thank you, buddy.
Yay, that's great.

-Bon appétit, boys.
-This is awesome.

This looks incredible.

Bam, bam, bam!
Pow, pow, pow!

I'm k*lling that sh--.

[groovy music]

Oh, my God, and the sink
in there is completely full.

It's like we have to--

it's like the boat
un-stocked itself.

My name is Kate,
and I hate my life right now.

-Oh, this was delicious.
-It was very yummy.

-Can I have more?
-I know, right?

I'm a little hungry.
I'm still hungry.

How's everything so far?

Kate, when's the main course
being served?

-Yeah.
-Uh, that was it.

-But are you still hungry?
-Yes.

Do you have, like, pizza,
or mozzarella sticks?

Kate, please serve him
real food.

Oh, he's so cute.
Okay.

I'll go let the chef know,
see what else he can send up.

I don't need a puppet show

of why you're not happy
with your meal.

Just ask me like an adult.

Let me go check.

[groovy music]

Hey, Adrian, I think some of
them might still be hungry.

Most of them put salads
on their preference sheet.

-Light lunches, you know?
-Yeah, I know, um…

I'm still hungry.

-I'm still so hungry.
-I can make

some steak if they want.

Grill up some beef
real quick?

-Yeah.
-Okay, perfect.

Be right back.

[groovy music]

So Chef Adrian can cook up
some steak real quick.

-all: Yes!
-Yeah, okay.

So if you guys
don't mind sitting here,

and have more drinks,
we'll get a second--okay, cool.

I want to jump in the water
is what I want to do.

I know, I want to jump
in the water.

Can we just jump
in the water?

Kate, can we jump
in the water?

I'll call you back
when it's time for steak.

-all: Yes.
-Yeah, go for it.

[cheering]

[laughter]

[groovy music]

-Oh, my God!
-Yeah!

He just went for it, wow.

Just a heads up,
we have a guest

that just jumped off
the bridge deck aft,

and there might be more coming.

Copy that.
Down on the platform.

[screams]

No way.

♪ ♪

What the hell is going on here?

Hi, so don't feel rushed
because they all

wanted to jump off the boat
while you do this.

Okay.

[grunting]

[soft music]

-Laura, Laura, Kate.
-Go ahead.

-Are you done unpacking Billy?
-I'm just about finished.

Copy, it's 3:15.

Will you go on break
until 5:15?

Copy, thanks.

[groovy music]

How was the water?

Good, it's so warm.

-Yeah, it was nice?
-Really nice.

Kate, Kate, the guests
are on the way up

to the bridge deck aft now.

♪ ♪

Where is the steak?
I'm ----ing starving.

I thought we were eating
at 2:30.

It's 3:30, and we have
literally not had food.

-That is true.
-I think they underestimated

our appetite.

Uh, will you go refill
their champagnes?

Yeah.

-Hey.
-How are you?

Do we have lunch coming? Or…

We're plating it up
right now.

Yeah?

I thought that we were just
hanging out for no reason.

You are not that funny.
You are not that charming.

There's just too many dicks
on one boat.

We're just starving right now.

[dramatic music]

-Coming up…
-Where is Billy?

-Bill?
-Billy?

He's been gone for an hour.

[whimsical music]

[snores]

Oh my god, he's passed out.

We're just starving right now.

We're putting the food
on the plates right now.

All right,
we're trusting you.

I don't feel like you are.

I feel like
you were doubting me.

Where's our food?

Medium rare.

[groovy music]

-Pardon me.
-all: Yay.

-Anyway, sorry about the hate.
-Medium rare, no worries.

-This is more medium then medium rare.
-But you know what, though?

-Hey Kate.
-Yep?

Mine's a little well-done,
can I get it in medium?

Sure.

Kate, medium rare is supposed to
be a little bit more like…

You want it more medium rare?

-Yeah.
-Sure.

These guests
are just assholes.

Hey, dude, we need
a less-cooked steak than this.

Less-cooked?
Oh, my God.

The steak is perfectly cooked,
so give me a ----ing break.

So they're just going to
be bitching the whole time?

-I--I hate them.
-It's going to be

a long two days.

And give me some pieces

that still
look like they're bleeding.

-Like that?
-Yep.

[groovy music]

♪ ♪

-There you go.
-Thank you.

You're welcome.

Here's your steak.
Swallow it.

Say thank you, and move on.
Go bother the deckhands.

Hey, do you have
A1 steak sauce?

I sure do.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Hey guys, look!

-Oh!
-Yeah!

Let's go upstairs.

We have a guest coming down.

[screaming]

I feel like you guys would
enjoy watching UFC.

Oh, that's a good move
right there.

[groovy music]

May I have an espresso martini?

-That's a perfect request.
-I have one here

that one of the boys
hasn't drunk

because they're
in the water now.

-Yeah I don't want that.
-Okay.

-But thank you for your offer!
-Okay.

I think these guys have just
come on this boat

to be difficult, and they're
doing very good at it.

This is why I hate gays.

[groovy music]

[groans]

♪ ♪

Hey, are you going out, like,
to be with these twats?

After dinner, yeah.

Ugh, sorry.

Why are you so stressed out, bro?

Because they're being
annoying as [BLEEP].

-How's it going up in here?
-Oh, so good.

-Is it crazy?
-Yeah, it is crazy.

They're crazy.
I still have plates

-down there from lunch.
-Okay.

-I'll go down--
-Yeah, if you don't mind.

-Shore all that up.
-Thanks.

Ever since I told Kate
to check herself--

You need to check yourself!

She actually has
checked herself.

She didn't
give me a chance prior.

Now, she got to know me,

and I think we're friends.
I don't know.

Do you need
another one of those?

-Yes, please, Rhylee.
-Another gas can.

-Yes, please.
-Got you, coming right up.

Who the [BLEEP]
is this Rhylee?

She hasn't been this happy
the whole season.

I think she's just excited
about Tyler.

Fresh tracks in the
brand-new peanut butter, sick.

They must have slept
with each other already.

-When, though?
-Last night.

-You reckon?
-Well, it would be

the only time.

----ing keeping it
on the D-lows, eh?

Oh, we'll have to
find out from Tyler.

Holy [BLEEP], yeah!

[laughs]

[groovy music]

♪ ♪

-How are you doing, Adrian?
-Great, how are you?

-Good, you need anything?
-No, just a life.

[laughs]

Some teppanyaki beef.

[cheering]

-Okay, so, question.
-Yeah.

Are we doing gold party
tonight or tomorrow?

I think gold party would be
better tonight, in two hours.

Perfect, so 8:30,
gold party here?

-Yeah.
-After the way lunch went,

I'm re-strategizing
and I think I'm just

going to serve
double the quantities.

Give them more food
and more food

until they can't
handle it anymore.

All right, babe.
Let's grab everybody.

Gold dinner, one hour.

[groovy music]

-Panache.
-Gold.

Time to get golden, yes.

♪ ♪

-Hey, girl, welcome!
-Hey!

How cute is this?

That speedo is for
one of the crew guys.

-Yeah.
-Which one

do you want to wear it?

Josiah.

-Okay.
-Okay, yeah.

Kate, they want Josiah
to wear this.

-Maybe he will.
-You have to wear this.

-With what?
-Your pants.

With that?
I'm too fat.

No, you're not!

Ashton's the stripper
around here.

He's the one that's used to
wearing skimpy outfits, not me.

They're just going to
take the piss out of me,

and I don't want to be
anyone's clown,

especially these guys.

Why don't you wear
the gold shirt

with your
My Seanna shirt over it,

so it's, like, peeking out?

Why don't I wear all of it,
but then put the trousers on?

-And then see what happens.
-And then see what happens.

Okay, you do have a cute bum.

[groovy music]

-What's up, bro?
-What's going on

with you and Rhylee, though?

She seems pretty excited
about you.

-She's pretty rad.
-So you're actually into her?

A little bit.

-That's cool, bro.
-Yeah.

Rhylee doesn't
want me to tell anybody,

but, uh, we banged last night.

It's pretty special to me.

We could do a double date.
Like, Laura, you.

I'm still 6 foot under,
in a ----ing hole.

[laughter]

[groovy music]

♪ ♪

Oh, it's very small.

My penis is too big for it.

All right, gold dinner.
Here we go.

[music slows, stops]

Come on, people, let's go.

-Hello?
-[both]: Hi.

So two of the guys are,
like, way passed out.

Just when I thought this
charter couldn't get any worse,

dinner's late,
Adrian's starting to crack,

guests are passed out
all over the boat.

Okay, no worries.

I'm not sure
how much more I can take.

Adrian, just so you know,
we have four guests up.

-Roger.
-Good evening.

Nice shirt, I like the gold.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

-Where is Billy?
-Yeah, where did he go?

-Go find Billy.
-Bill?

-Where is he?
Billy?

-Billy?
-Really, he's been gone

for an hour?

[upbeat music]

[snores]

Oh my god, he's passed out.

[laughs]

They must have ordered,
seriously,

easy, 100 cocktails
since they've been here.

Crazy.

[bright music]

-What's going on?
-I just went down

to go and check on them,
and one of them's

passed out on the toilet.

-Where?
-In his cabin.

That sounds dangerous.
There's a lot

of marble around.
Laura, Laura, Kate.

Please come meet me
in the guest cabins.

What is this?

[snores]

I just don't want him to fall asleep
completely, and like, hit his head.

No, we have to take him to the bed.

There's no good answer
for what I'm seeing.

Are we eating?
We keep waiting on people.

-I'm so hungry.
-At this rate,

-I'm just going to drink water.
-I know.

This is the dinner that's
never happening, you guys.

[snores]

-Coming up…
-Oh, my goodness.

Josiah, holy sh…
Is that real?

Damn.

I can't not look,
though, because it's--

-I'm going to look.
-Okay.

[snores]

Josiah.

We need your strength.

Has he--have you not
woken him up?

No.

Which one do you want
to pit him in?

Probably the closet.

[groans]

Shall I go in and help him?

[groans]

Hi, could we give you
a hand to your bed?

I'm sorry?

Do want me to help you out?

-Uh, no, I'm fine.
-You all good?

Yeah. I'm just using the…

He said he's fine.

I'm surprised
that he woke up.

No ----ing wind.

[upbeat music]

-All right, let's go.
-Should we have a seat

-at the table?
-Yeah, let's go.

Wow, look at the plates
and everything.

They went all out.

-Hi.
-Hi.

The guests are sitting
at the table.

Halle-spanking-lujah.

Are we finally doing
this dinner thing?

Oh, Jesus.
Nearly 10:00.

The crew probably hates us
for starting this

-about an hour and a half late.
-There he is.

-No, way.
-Thank you, Billy,

for waking up
and coming to our dinner.

Should I tell Adrian to start
plating the first course?

-Yes, please.
-Okay, sure.

Thank you, Kate.
Thank you so much.

Adrian, Adrian, you can start
plating the first course.

Uh-oh, look who decided
to come to dinner.

Hey, Laura, Laura, Kate.
What's the status

-on the downstairs rooms?
-Nearly finished.

I think I'm going
to have you knock off.

-Copy that, thank you.
-Look, a golden chariot.

Sh--.

Wow, we're only down one.
I'm very impressed, you guys.

-Yay!
-I miss food.

-Hi.
-Hey.

Here you have
a ginger carrot stew

with Alaskan king crab
in a golden chariot.

We love the golden chariots.

[groovy music]

Gold.
It tastes like first place.

So far, the food
is A-plus for me.

-The chef has been amazing.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-They love it.
-Awesome.

Maybe do
one more walk-around,

-and then, just call it a night.
-Sweet.

Oh, my God,
this ----ing thing is so tight.

I've never
worn anything like this.

It's very tight.
Crushing, actually.

My voice is getting higher
by the second.

I brought that shirt
that Josiah is wearing,

-but he's barely wearing it.
-I'm wearing it.

But, babe, you need to
take off the other shirt.

Like, come on.

That is meant to show
that body-ody-ody.

[groovy music]

I don't like the fact that you've
moved back up to your bunk.

'Cause we're working.

I am pure professional.

Okay, it's looking good.
We're getting there.

Can you believe we have
all of tomorrow with them?

-I'm like…
-Just thinking about tomorrow,

I'm exhausted.

[sighs]

I'm going to be real.
Not impressed with

the wait time for this course.

Just because, like,
I mean, it's late.

-We should--it should be ready.
-Are we ready?

Are we going?
Are we sh**ting?

-We're ready.
-Cheers, guys.

-Thank you, Ashton.
-Good night, sleep well.

-They're going to love this.
-Gold!

[upbeat music]

-Classic.
-[laughs]

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

-Hi, how you doing?
-Great.

We have been waiting
for a while for the entrées,

so tell us all about it.

[dramatic music]

Today's been sh--, and
that's, like, the last straw.

I'm done, I just
want to go to bed.

Leave me alone, everybody!

So this is red lobster
with a sweet koronaki,

and a garlic-infused
broccolini.

-Enjoy.
-Thank you, Adrian.

-You're welcome.
-Thank you.

-Is it good?
-It's good, all right.

Gold flakes
on everything, right?

I love the theme of gold.

It was a wait,
but it's good, it's good.

I was scared for a second.

[soft music]

Ah, look who it is!

How are you doing?

Good, yeah, good.
I'm tired.

Um, so…

This morning. I felt sh--
about the way I acted.

Yeah, you were…

like, wasted.

-Yeah, but it's not an excuse.
-No.

And that's why I'm
apologizing for it.

I do like you, and I'd like to carry on…

and try and pick up from where
we were before,

before I was a bit of a hooligan.

It's cool that
you recognize that now,

and, like, you're super rad,
you're super cool,

and you are really honest
and kind and genuine.

So I don't see that
being an issue for you.

Did you just give me a compliment?

-I did, is that weird?
-Whoa.

We're really making
progress tonight.

[laughs]

Considering how new
our friendship really is,

it says a lot about him
to actually apologize.

-Feel better?
-Yeah, of course, yeah.

-I feel better, too.
-Yeah.

-Let's go inside.
-Cool.

I kind of just
want to see how things go,

and, like, have them
organically happen.

Do you like what you're
having this evening?

It's actually amazing,
I'm not going to lie.

-He did a great job.
-Good, I'll let him know.

Look at these plates, Adrian.
They loved it.

-Wow.
-Just out of--

what are we
going to have right now?

-A dessert, yes.
-Yeah, what's going on?

[groovy music]

-What's up, Goldfinger?
-Hey.

-Pardon me.
-Thank you, love.

Adrian's made you
a dairy-free cheesecake,

mixed fruit…
and a black raspberry

with some
white chocolate grass.

-all: Thank you.
-Would you like

-some white chocolate grass?
-Uh, I think not.

Who ordered
sugar-free dessert?

-It's gross.
-I'm sorry, that was my fault.

-But still.
-No, it's bad, it's not good.

It's a no for me.
There's no taste, right?

I don't think
if I pulled Prince Harry

in a twink costume
out of my ass,

these guests would be happy.
Nothing will make them happy.

But here's what's frustrating.

The one who Adrian

made it non-dairy for
is the one complaining.

And also, he could have
made you guys a regular one,

and me the bland one,

but he made everybody
the bad one.

I've got an idea.
Why not come out

with shambled sh*ts
wearing the gold--

-Speedo?
-Yeah.

And it would just, like,
distract their minds.

Yes, that's exactly
what you should do.

We should put sprinkles on it.

On the Speedo
or on the sh*ts?

-Both.
-Yeah.

Josiah's going to bring out
a little surprise

mini-drinkable dessert.

-Ah!
-Yay!

Can he bring them
to the Jacuzzi?

-He sure can.
-Okay, let's do that.

-Jacuzzi time.
-Go take your pants off.

-It's Speedo time.
-Let's do it.

Oh, God, Kate.
It's very small.

Oh, my goodness.
Josiah!

How come you didn't wear
just--holy…

[laughs]

Kate, don't
make me embarrassed.

Is that real?

Damn.

You're my roommate,
and I love you,

and you're handsome, and
that's your Speedo situation,

so of course, you're gay.

-Kate, stop it!
-Sorry, I can't--

I can't not look, though,
because it's--

I'm going to look.
I've never been so turned on.

-Ew!
-Like, all day.

How did Josiah look
in the gold Speedo?

Like he's got
a humongous d*ck.

-Oh, this is just--
-And then, go like this.

Rhylee, stop it,
I'm trying to--

-No, just for a second.
-Sort out my meat

and two veggies, all right?

[groovy music]

-You ready, Rhylee?
-I'm ready.

I'm waiting for you guys
to get out there.

Oh, gold all over.

Oh, this is taking
a long time.

The more--the longer it takes,
the more nervous I'm getting.

I've already gone
full nervous, sweetie.

-No, don't be nervous.
-Oh, this is tight.

-Did it go well?
-Josiah put the Speedo.

-Oh.
-And apparently,

he has a massive ----.

I thought he had a
big d*ck though.

How can you tell?

I don't know. I think it's like
my sixth sense.

What does your sixth sense
say about my [BLEEP].

[laughs]

Whoa! [BLEEP].

-Five on the sundeck.
-Copy, Rhylee, thank you.

We have five on the sun deck.
Go, go, go, go.

Oh, my God.
I feel extremely exposed.

Go, go, go.
They're going to love it.

-They're going to love you.
-I'm shaking.

These guests, they've got,
like, very good bodies.

They're very comfortable
with themselves.

They don't mind
flirting with you,

and I'm a bit of an introvert.

It's very uncomfortable.

-Oh, my God.
-Bring that golden daddy dong.

I think you're going to enjoy
this last course.

-Okay.
-Go, go, go.

-They're going to love it.
-Oh, I'm scared now.

No, you got this,
you got this.

Ladies?

Hi.

[cheering]

-I love this present.
-Thank you, Josiah.

Oh, I can't stop looking.
Josiah!

So it's a shot
we do in England.

It's called a Jammie Dodger,
and it's shambled with cream,

but I put coconut cream
for you, because--

I love it, so thank you
for making that.

-Anytime.
-Josiah!

[cheering]

And it's gone.

Can we take
a picture with you?

Yeah, of course.
Rhylee.

-One, two, three.
-Golden gays!

-Hot.
-Yeah, Josiah!

Putting these Speedos on
in front of the guests

was very difficult for me.

It was a huge step
out of my comfort zone.

I feel like I need to
stop caring too much

what people think, and be
in the moment, and enjoy it.

-Lady Josiah.
-I'm about to sh-- my pants.

They loved it.

That was the
best dessert ever.

Yeah, I'm going to go to bed.
I'll see you in the morning.

See you in the morning.

-[laughs]
-I'm exhausted.

-Are you okay?
-Thank you so much.

-No worries.
-Bye, babe.

-Thank you.
-Good night, sleep well.

[groovy music]

♪ ♪

-So much.
-Hmm?

I said, "I'm missing out, so much."

[groovy music]

♪ ♪

-Better start pulling it up.
-Copy, Cap.

-Two sh*ts at the waterline.
-Closing hatch.

-Anchor's in the pocket.
-Lock it in.

-Good job, bro.
-Yeah, you, too.

Is everybody else awake?

-Good morning.
-Good morning.

I would love
a chai latte on ice.

-That would be great.
-On ice, no problem.

How you doing
this morning, Cap?

-I'm all right.
-I'm going to have everything

set up by 10:30,
the slide and Jet Skis.

-Sounds good, sir.
-Cheers.

Okay, buddy.

-Oh, that's perfect.
-Yeah?

-Okay, awesome.
-I want four sh*ts, please.

Four sh*ts.

[upbeat music]

Laura, Laura, Kate.
I'm just going to start

-bringing the breakfast out.
-Copy, I'm on my way.

Dear Tahitian gods:

Please don't make them

as hideous as
they were yesterday.

Amen.

♪ ♪

I really love your table.
It is joyful.

[laughs]

That's the look
I was going for.

Good morning.
How are you?

-Good afternoon.
-That looks amazing.

-I know.
-Those blueberry muffins.

The chef is so good.
Adrian's awesome.

[groovy music]

I'll handle this,
because you've got to do

laundry and cabins,
and that's enough.

You've done a lot, thank you.

I appreciate the fact
that something has clicked

in Laura's brain,
and she is just here to help.

That's all we ever wanted,

and finally,
she's taking initiative.

♪ ♪

[exhales]

Um, Adrian's a bit ----ing…

[whistles]

Oh, boy, I know, Laura.

He makes, like, comments
every day, all day.

-What do you mean?
-Like, everything.

-What did he say?
-Everything you can imagine.

Adrian's general comments
all day are a huge turn-off.

Do you think that looks
like a nipple?

-Yeah, kind of.
-I was inspired by you.

-Oh.
-The form of your breast.

What does your sixth sense
say about my [BLEEP].

I'm trying really hard
to be chill,

and laugh these things off,

but it's
a really awkward situation.

I'm, like, literally,
what's wrong with you, man?

What did I ever do to you?

-He is creepy as [BLEEP].
-Yeah.

Good morning,
how is everyone this morning?

-Good morning.
-Hey, good morning.

-Oh, hey, Josiah.
-We all feeling okay?

-You were so fun last night.
-How is everyone this morning?

-A little hungover?
-Yeah, you gave us--

Hair of the dog?

-Good morning, hi.
-Good morning.

I just love it
when crew members

start having sex
with each other.

It makes them so cheerful.

-Whoo!
-Can I get a Tito's mule?

-Yeah, of course.
-Thank you.

[upbeat music]

-Thank you.
-This one's yours.

♪ ♪

[blender whirs]

Can I just do a vodka tonic?

-Here you go.
-Oh, man.

You're ----ing on it.

-Ew.
-Come on, chaser.

[groovy music]

-Here's your kiss.
-Mwah.

-Hey.
-Oh, hey.

What's happening?

Thought I'd come say, "Hi" quick.

Quick question, do you have anymore
cigarettes in your room.

-It's gonna cost you.
-What?

A kiss.

You're so…

[laughs]

I'm serious.

Now that we have
an understanding between us,

we can have some fun
with the beginning stages,

and I'm going to steal
as many kisses

during the day as I can.

-I want a kiss.
-Okay.

[indistinct radio chatter]

I can grab it on my way out.

Do you want the black leaf ones,
too, or just the white?

Not so hard, eh?

Can I take a jet ski?

Yeah, of course.

We got a guest
going on the Jet Ski.

All right, copy.
On my way.

Ross is going to go over
the parameters

with you guys
for the Jet Skis, okay?

First rule, um, clockwise
around the boat at all times.

-All right, let's go.
-Um, we want to stay

at least 50 feet
away from the boat.

We always want to try and
put our k*ll cord between here.

You'll see,
this rubber band fit.

All you need to do
is put it through here.

And make sure that
that k*ll cord's on.

-Okay.
-Stay within 100 feet

of the shoreline,
because it's all shallow.

So, yeah, that's basically it.

[upbeat music]

There we go, all right.
I'm going to shove you off.

[engine revs]

♪ ♪

Oh, God.

Men down off the Jet Ski.
Men down off the Jet Ski.

I've got two man
off the Jet Ski.

-Jet Ski is still in motion.
-Oh, [BLEEP].

-Jesus Christ.
-All right, stand by.

Are you kidding me?

Ross, do you see Billy
in the water?

----ing hell.

The ----ing Ski's
still running.

You've got a Jet Ski,
weighs 900 pounds.

No driver, no brakes.

Get those Jet Skis in here.

What the [BLEEP] is going on?

-Jesus ----ing Christ.
-That sh--'s not funny.

Next, on "Below Deck…"

Krystal can't imagine
a better way

to ring in her birthday
than with her friends.

They just want to
drink wine, laugh.

Great, easy.

-Sweet and juicy.
-Just like me.

Get out of my sight.

The jokes need to settle down.

I just feel like
things happen as they happen.

For now, I want to, like,
pump the brakes,

-and, like, make sure--
-What do you mean?

He's made it very clear.

He's not wanting
to be a part of my life.

Naa, I'm just gonna take a nap.

Never wake a sleeping bitch.

-----ing stop!
-This is ridiculous.

She can get from there
to her bedroom.

I did not get into yachting to
watch spoiled princesses sleep.

I literally don't
give a [BLEEP] what you do.

-This is ----ing nuts.
-Get the hose out.

I'm not even joking.
Get the hose out.