03x05 - A Step Forward

[bunniefuu]

[John] What your girlfriend
has been through is intense

medically and spiritually,
and she needs you.

-What are you talking about?
-You didn't know?

When will I see Landon again?
I miss him.

Me too, buddy.

[Reagan] I ran away.
I couldn't handle it...

I don't know
how he could ever forgive me
for all of this.

It sounds like an
important question
for you to ask,

is whether or not
you can forgive yourself.

You're telling me that Luke
does not know he has a child!

I wasn't pregnant
with your baby.

So, you cheated on me?

I would really like
to work this out between us.

I shouldn't be here. I'm sorry.

Luke. Luke.

[theme song playing]

♪ 'Cause life has a way
Of pulling us under ♪

♪ But we'll stick it out ♪

♪ If we got each other ♪

♪ When it all feels too much ♪

♪ I know you'll come running
For me ♪

♪ Through the highs and lows
We'll find our way home ♪

♪ Family ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Family ♪

John! I didn't know
you were back.

What happened with Luke?

I was waiting
for you to call me.

Sorry.

I was in a haze
after I talked to him.

He didn't know.

He didn't know
she was in the hospital.

By the look on his face
he didn't know...

she was pregnant.

But they're living together.

I mean,
they're in a relationship.

And not a very honest one,
I guess.

So what did you do?

Told him to go to the hospital.
To go see her.

Well, you let him go
by himself?

He's a grown man, Elizabeth.

One that's made it very clear

he doesn't want us
in his life for now.

So, he can figure it out.

-Well, what if he doesn't?
-Well...

we'll always be there for him.

Help him
to pick himself back up.

And what about Lori?

[sighs] I can't imagine
being where she is right now.

I mean, she did something
I wish she hadn't,

but my heart is aching for her.

[sighs heavily]

I will have mercy...

on whom I will have mercy.

I will have compassion
on whom I will have compassion.

And hopefully...

she has a mother
with a heart as big as yours

that she can talk to.

John, what are we gonna do?

We're gonna wait.

And we're gonna pray.

[knock on door]

-Kari! Hi.
-Hi.

I'm sorry to barge in
on you like this.

I just thought maybe
we could have dinner together
before I head out tomorrow.

Oh, um...

I know, I should've called.

I just... I thought
you'd say no, so...

I bought sushi.

It's so good here.

Yeah, I know,
I actually craved that place
throughout my entire pregnancy.

Yeah, sure. Come in.

Right there.

[electronic music playing]

[Ashley] Okay.

I can't do this.

I mean, look at all those
perfect, beautiful,
successful people in there.

-Who do I think I am?
-One of them.

-I'm a nobody.
-Oh, that's not fair.

It's how I feel.

You were invited here.

You belong here.
You're just as talented.

Besides,
has anyone ever told you...

you have such beautiful hair.

-Thank you.
-Come on.

[indistinct conversations]

-Okay, look at this one.
-Mm.

Color almost has like, energy.

Like, jumping off the painting

and then pulling you back in
to look at it.

I wish I knew
what inspired the artist.

Dancing. Dancing like
literally no one is watching

is what inspired the artist.

I danced for years
as a little girl,

and still do
whenever I can today.

I'm always trying
to paint something

that looks like how
my body feels when I'm moving.

-I can see that.
-Why, thank you.

Congratulations.
Your work is...

-It's beautiful.
-Oh, thank you.

And same to you.

Ashley, right?

Cynthia pointed
you out earlier.

She's been raving about you.

Apparently, we're very similar.

I got my start last year
after I sent Cynthia's gallery
an email of my work.

-Same.
-I know.

That's why I was
so excited to meet you.

[sighs] I need someone
to talk to about
how crazy this is.

Last month I was waiting tables

and now people want my art for
their Beverly Hills mansions.
[chuckles]

Well, I'd be honored
to follow in your footsteps.

[both chuckle]

-Um, this is Landon.
-Oh. Hi, Landon. I'm Ally.

-Really nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

You two make a gorgeous couple.

How long have you
been together for?

-[scoffs]
-Oh!

We're not together.

I was hoping
you two would meet.

Oh, my two phenoms.

Ashley, consider
this brilliant young woman
your guide

to the first steps in life
as a showing artist.

This is only her second show

and she is making
quite the splash.

[Ally giggles]

-Bye.
-Thank you.

Think she says that
to all her new clients?

I honestly don't care
as long as I'm one of them.

[laughs] Amen to that.
Okay. Come on.

I'll introduce you
to some people.

-You go.
-[Ally] Yeah.

-Okay.
-Follow me.

[Ashley] Hi.

[inaudible conversation]

That was amazing!

Did you see
how amazing that was?

And they knew me.
And I think they liked me.

And the most insane part is
when I finish some pieces,

that's going to be me in there
showing my work. [laughs]

What?

It's amazing
to see you this alive.

I wasn't like this before, huh?

-Hmm... It was hiding a little.
-Thank you,
for believing in me,

and encouraging me.

And giving me
something to paint.

A piece I did of you and Cole

was my first
in a really long time.

You're welcome.

Now, there is something
I want to show you, Ash.

-Oh, yeah?
-You down for a little drive?

[Ryan] What's up, Luke?

-Game?
-Of course.

I was pretty shocked
to get your text.

Yeah. Wasn't sure you'd come,

after the way
I left things off last time.

I'm always gonna be here
for you, Luke.

What's on your mind?

Just wanted
to sh**t some hoops.

You texted me
just to play basketball?

Yeah, man. Come on,
we used to play all the time.

Yeah?

Well, that was before
you took a big step away
from this family, wasn't it?

Hey. You're not married
to my sister yet.

Luke, did you call me out here
just to fight with me?

No. I'm sorry.

Why don't you
try talking to me, man?

Look, you wouldn't have
texted me of some small
party,

-you didn't wanna
talk this out.
-Yeah, I know. Okay.

I know, maybe. But...

I don't know if
I'm ready to talk anymore.

All right.

I'll make a deal with you.

Play some one-on-one.

Winner gets to ask
the questions, loser's
got to answer 'em.

I'd feel good to run
around a little bit.

Blow off some steam.

-Yeah, you're on.
-All right.

[Ryan] That's one.

So... [laughs hesitantly]

How has Tommy been sleeping?

Better.

Which means that
I'm getting a little rest.

-Has your mom been helpful?
-Yeah.

Yeah, she has, but...

he's my responsibility.
This is all my responsibility.

-Uh... I don't understand.
-I don't wanna talk about it.

Listen, Reagan.

When I first had Jessie,

I was such a mess.

I had just lost Tim
and there was so much

around that loss
that I hadn't processed.

It was affecting
my relationship
with my daughter.

I couldn't connect
with her because
of the grief.

Does that make sense?

[sighs] More than you know.

You need to push
through this.

So you can be
fully present for Tommy.

I can't.

I've never... I've never
talked about this
to anyone.

Kari...

Luke and I got lost in
the moment and slept together

the night before
my dad d*ed.

That...

That just set off
the chain of events.

We were still together
the next morning.

And I called him and told him
not to come pick me up.

[sighs]

So he went to
the church early.

-Reagan.
-[Reagan cries]

Your father did not
die because of you.

That is just not
how things work.

How do they work?

Oh, I don't know.

[laughs nervously] Just like
I don't know why Tim d*ed.

Trust me,
I've been mad at God.

I've asked him
all the whys.

But...

if I've learned anything,

[sighs] it's that instead
of asking,

"Why is this happening, God?"

I ask, "Where are you
taking me?"

His will is a mystery
to all of us.

But his love is unconditional.

And I believe he has
blessed you

to keep living
the life you have.

You owe that to your father.

You owe that to your son.

-[sobs] What if I can't?
-You can.

We both can.

It may just take
small steps at first.

These are beads
from my wedding.

Tim had them added
to a wreath

that we had on our door
for Christmas.

I've been carrying them
around with me since
his funeral.

I just want to put them down.

To make small steps first.

Exactly.

Oh, you're still sitting there.

Hey.

[John] Hmm.

You seem like you have
a lot on your mind.

I've been keeping something
from you, John.
And it's weighing on me.

What is it?

I went to see Lori
at the hospital.

-When?
-When you were with Luke.

You know, you said yourself
that no one had been
to see her,

not the family, no friends.

I couldn't bear the thought
of her going through

what she was going
through by herself.

Was she awake?

No, she was sleeping.

I just sat with her,

-I prayed.
-Mm.

And then I left.

I heard from the hospital,
she's coming out of it.

I wonder...

if Luke went by to see her.

I hope he did. I mean, she...

she really needs
someone now.

I understand. I'm just...

not sure it's wise for
either of us to get
involved here.

All right, John. But I sense
that she's really in need.

I know. And your heart
is in the right place.
It always is,

but with Luke...

[sighs] I just worry you could
do more harm than good.

[sighs]

[Luke] Whoo.

Game point, coach.

[Ryan] Ball.

[grunts]

-[grunts]
-Oh, whoa.

-[Ryan] Get in, game!
-Ah, you really pushed, bro.

Maybe I really wanted you
to talk.

Why? Huh?

I mean, I don't even know
how to start, buddy.

Start wherever you want,
man. Come on, you can
tell me anything.

Is it about Lori?

-You haven't heard?
-Heard what?

Lori's in the ICU, man.

She got an infection
because she had an abortion.

Luke, I'm... I'm sorry.

Yeah. It gets a lot worse,
man. It's not even my kid.

She's been cheating on me.

So?

-She's there alone right now.
-Did you not just hear me,
Ryan? She's been cheating...

Yeah, all right. I know.
I heard you.

And that sucks. But you're
in a relationship, man.

She's been your world
these past few months.

Abandoning her right now?

In this state?

Hey.

-That's not who you are.
-Well, you have no idea
who I am anymore.

Maybe not.

But I know you're angry.
I can see it. I can feel it.

Maybe you're mad at Lori,
maybe you're mad at
a lot more.

You've been through so much
these past few months, man.

It's okay to be a little
bit angry about what happened
to Reagan's...

Look, I don't wanna hear
about Reagan.

Why? Why, Ryan, huh?

Why? There's nothing
you can say or do

that's gonna change that, okay?

And do not, please,

do not say that they're
with God right now, Ryan, I...

You know, man, just go.

Honestly, just go.

Never forget
I'm here for you, man.

[door opens]

[sighs]

[chuckles]

[chuckles] There you are.

What're you doing?

Just finding some pieces
of Dad's that I wanna keep.

Oh, I think that's a nice idea.

[both laugh]

Oh, maybe you can pick
a few special things

for Tommy to have
when he's older.

Hmm. Yeah.

-[both chuckling]
-[mother] That's cute.

Want some help?

Yeah, I'd love that.

Okay.

-Mm.
-Thank you, Mom.

Of course.

No.

For everything.

I could have never
gotten through any of this

without you.

No. You're stronger
than you realize.

You're gonna move beyond this.

Come here.

[Reagan sighs]

[Ashley] Where are we going?

Oh, you'll see.

Okay.

Oh, man. Okay.

I feel like I'm on the edge
of a cliff or something.

[both chuckling]

Because we are...

[Landon chuckles]

[Ashley gasps]

I could not wait
to show it to you.

Wow.

[chuckles]

[Landon] Ash.

I'm sorry I was so distant
before you came here.

It's because of Reagan.

I wanted to protect her privacy

and I couldn't imagine
lying to you.

[chuckles]

So, it was easier to ignore me?

-Ash.
-Mm?

The last thing I wanna do
is hurt you or Cole.

That might be
out of your control.

Cole...

He's been asking about you.

How long you'll be here,

when you're coming back.

I haven't known what to say.

It's hard.

But I really like
what I'm doing here,

and there's so much need.

I'm happy for you.

Doesn't sound
like you meant that.

Hmm.

Ash?

Talk to me.

It's just...

I don't know what we're doing.

You know, sometimes I feel
we're building toward

really being together.

Other times...

I don't know.

Yeah, I know.

I never know if I should be
calling you or not.

It's confusing.

That's the thing, Landon.

It's not...

confusing to me.

I'm finally realizing...
[chuckles]

I can't be your friend.

I can't talk to you
every now and then.

I miss you too much.

But I'm here for now
and you're back home.

Yeah, I know. But...

I think we can make it work.

-Landon.
-Hmm?

I want you in my life.

I want you in Cole's life.

Then we should try
being together.

Long distance.

Yeah?

As together as we can be
when we're apart?

What do you think?

-[chuckles] Good answer.
-[laughs]

[monitor beeping]

You came back.

Yeah.

To say I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

Look, I, uh...

I know thigs have been tough
between us.

I really care about you, Lori.

You've been the only thing
getting me through
these past few months.

And I just, uh...

Do you think
there's any way
we can make it work together?

I don't know, I just feel
really lost right now.

I know. Me too.

Just give me some time
to think about things, okay?

Thanks for coming back.

I never should have left.

[Luke sighs]

[Elizabeth] Next time
on The Baxters...

Hi.

Lori.

Did you come and see me
the other day?

Could we maybe talk?

I have to keep this from Luke,
and Luke from them,

and Reagan from everyone.

[Erika] Mr. Baxter! Hi.

Hi.

We're ideally looking for
a date nine, maybe ten months
from today.

Looks like our next
available date

is one month from today.

Maybe getting it
together faster

will help us focus on
what really matters most.

I feel like
I can celebrate Tim's life

by celebrating Jessie.

Would anyone else help you
to feel more connected to Tim?

[Kari] No.

[theme music playing]