02x12 - It's Not Perfect

[bunniefuu]

[Elizabeth] Previously on
The Baxters...

[Landon] You seem
really happy, Ashley.

I'm getting there.

Just in time for me
to leave for California.

I'll try to speed it up.

-[Ryan] Hey.
-[Kari] Hey. Come here.

You've always had
a place in my heart.

The ball's in your court.

All you keep telling me
to do, is put my faith in God.

That's all anyone can do
right now.

Yeah, well, that's not
enough for me, Dad!

I can't be here, right now.

[Lori] You can always
crash here.

Won't be able to find
another roommate till
the end of the month, anyway.

Free of charge.

Think about it.

[theme song playing]

♪ Cause life has a way
Of pulling us under ♪

♪ But we'll stick it out ♪

♪ If we got each other ♪

♪ When it all feels too much ♪

♪ I know you'll come running
For me ♪

♪ Through the highs and lows
We'll find our way home ♪

♪ Family ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Family ♪

-[clattering]
-[Landon] Oops!

-Watch it, there.
-[Ashley] Okay.

-You got it?
-Yeah.

Okay, go backwards.

-Okay.
-And to your left.

-Your left.
-My left?

-Yeah, your left.
-My left? Okay.

Watch out! Hey,
Watch out. Watch that!

-Watch that!
-[Ashley chuckles]

[both panting]

[Ashley chuckles] Grr!

Ashley Baxter moving services
officially gets one star

review from this customer.

[sighs] Hey, you get
what you pay for.

[Ashley sighs]

-What?
-Nothing.

It doesn't seem
like nothing.

I don't want
to get into it.

Leaving on a weird
note with you.

What would make it weird?

Me asking why I'm in
the friend zone, again.

Or still.

[exhales]

Favorite topic
of conversation.

I wouldn't call it
my favorite.

-[soft chuckle]
-I am gonna miss you.

-I knew it.
-I'm serious.

[both chuckle]

I'm gonna miss you too.

Can I ask you a question?

Hmm, depends.

Ash...

Do you love yourself?

Do I love myself?

Yeah.

What does that even mean?

Well, I went through
a tough time after high school.

I had no direction.

No idea of what I wanted
to do with my life.

So it launched me
on this downward spiral.

And I felt worthless.

So it made me put up
this massive wall, so nobody
could get in.

But then, after a while,
I realized that wall was just
between me and me.

I couldn't let anyone love me
if I didn't love myself.

And you think
that's what's wrong with me?

Ash, there's nothing wrong
with you.

[sighs] Well...

I'm sure my mom has
a self-help book

I can borrow,
all about your little theory.

And probably a bible verse
I can memorize.

I'm sure she does.

I know my faith helped
me through.

Right. So, should we finish
up what we started?

[chuckles]

I was promised pizza
at the end of this.

[Landon] All right.
Come on, let's do it.

[Ashley] Okay, hold on.

[Ashley grunts]

[Elizabeth] "You can never
please God without faith."

"Then Jesus told him

"You believe because
you've seen me,

"but blessed are those
who haven't seen me

-and yet believe anyway."
-[door opens]

[door closes]

[Ashley] Mom, I'm home!

-Hey, are you okay?
-Hi.

Not really.
Your brother is struggling

and I'm trying to find
a way to help him.

And you think
your favorite book has
all the answers.

I know it does.
It just sometimes takes
a bit longer to find them.

Mom, Luke just needs space.

No, it's space that worries me.

The further he distances
himself from his family,

-from his faith...
-The closer he ends up

looking like me.

It's been a while
since I've even read it.

But could you remind me
what the Bible has to say
about self-love?

The 'how' is God's job.

But self-love stems
from forgiveness.

Ashley, the Bible doesn't
command us
to forgive ourselves.

It encourages us
to seek God's forgiveness.

And it tells us when
He forgives us.

He remembers our sins no more.

But I still remember.

Imagine, if every day
when you get dressed, you put
a rock in your back pocket,

and you walked around with it
all the time, every day.

You can feel it when
you're walking,
when you're sitting.

And it was uncomfortable
and inconvenient.

But you still consciously
choose every morning,

to carry it around
with you.

And then one day,
you realize that you have
an alternate option.

Do you still carry
that burden around with you?

Or do you release it?

Speak it.

Confess it.

And how would that feel
for a change?

Because that's
all it is, Ashley.

It's all a choice.

Mom, I'm tired of carrying
the rock.

I know you are, baby.

I know you are.

[crying]

I prayed that God
would give me time to think,

and when Sam got a call
saying that his company
postponed the move,

I've felt that those prayers
were answered.

Sometimes God works
in not so mysterious ways.

I don't know what's
gonna happen next,

but I'm willing to
put in the effort to find out.

Thank you for listening
and for letting me
talk through this.

I don't know where Sam
and I would be today,

-[message alert]
-if I didn't have a shoulder.

That's what I'm here for.

[message alert]

Maybe you should check those?

Ryan?

"Kari girl, meet me at our spot
this time tomorrow. There's
something I want to show you."

-[knocking at door]
-[door opens]

[Lori] Hi. Can I help you?

I'm looking for my son.

Uh-oh, Mrs. Baxter,

I'm Lori. Nice to meet you.

-I'll get Luke.
-Thank you.

Mom, what are you doing here?

May I speak with you
privately, for a moment?

Your dad and I were hoping
that you would come
to the memorial tonight.

You should not have driven
all the way out here
just to tell me that, okay?

You could have texted me.
I would have told you
I wasn't interested.

But this is really special
and it would mean so much
to both of us

-to have you there.
-Why?

Why can you not ever
respect my point of view, huh?

I mean, you guys gave Ashley
years of space to find her way.

Just leave me alone
for a little while, okay?

You are my son and I will
always fight for you.

Do you know what the doctors
told me when I got sick?

They told me that I wouldn't
last that year.

That the kind of cancer
I had, was usually terminal.

But do you know what
got me through?

It was believing that God has
a bigger plan for my life,

and that included sticking
around to be your mom.

And does God's plan include
all the bad stuff too?

Huh? Was the sh**ting
at the church just part of
his great design?

God sees all the bad things.

But having faith is about
believing that no matter
what happens,

there's still a plan
in place.

And no matter
how dark it seems,

God is always shining
his light to guide us.

You should probably get
on the road, Ma.

You're gonna be late.

I love you, son.

[knock at door]

Hi.

I'm ready to talk about
what happened in Paris.

[Ryan] Kari, girl.

Glad you came.

I had to find out
what this last minute
adventure was all about.

Follow me.

[Ashley] I was
so wide-eyed, eager.

I showed my work to anyone
that would give me
the time of day.

And they all looked at me
like I was handing them trash.

And then there was Adrian.

He was every gallery's idea
of a blockbuster artist.

[sighs]

And he was married.

Happily. Before me.

Something...

inside of me screamed,
"Don't get involved, Ashley.

Think of his family.
Think of your family."

But he, he told me
he loved me.

And I believed him.

I even asked him
to leave his wife.

I'm that person.

And then, I got pregnant.

And when I told him,

he gave me the address
to a clinic.

And he, he said that they would
have an answer there.

Ash, you didn't go
through with it?

I almost did.

I was humiliated.

I was terrified. [sniffling]

I let a man destroy me.

And then I almost destroyed
a life in the process.

You're wrong.
Nothing destroyed you.

Ash...

It gave you strength.
It gave you insight.

Hey...

It gave you Cole.

And nothing that led you to him
make you ever feel ashamed.

Nothing. Okay?

Come here.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I thought a lot about
what you said.

About realizing what's
really important.

Seeing things clearly.

And?

And you've always been
my person, Kari.

I mean, when I got hurt,
even when you were
with Tim,

you were always on my mind.

You're going back
to New York soon.

What if I didn't?

What are you saying?

I'm saying that you're
the love of my life.

I don't want to spend
one more day apart from you.

If that means staying here
with you and Jesse,
then that's what I want to do.

My whole world is right here.

Now I know we've got
a long way to go
and it's not perfect,

but there's nobody else
I'd rather figure it out with.

Did you make it out
of fishing gear?

I didn't have time
to get a real one.

I thought it'd do
for now.

It's perfect.

May I?

Kari Baxter,
will you marry me?

Yes!

Of course, yes!

[Kari chuckles]

I love you, Kari girl.

Well, I have to say...

Ryan and Kari did
an amazing job.

[John] They make a great team.

Well, it wouldn't have
happened without you.

-It looks incredible.
-Yeah.

Pastor Mark would love it.

Hey.

Did you guys know?

I had to get their blessing.

Glad to have you
in the family, son.

-Thank you.
-Congratulations.

Well, as long as he's on
our team for the Baxter ball.

-Uh-huh, we'll flip a coin
for him.
-We'll see.

A month ago,
our lives were changed.

Forever.

And our hearts
are still broken.

[Pastor Mariana]
So we'll remember
those in our church family

who were called home
that day.

They were part of the fabric
of who we are.

And we honor them.

But today is also
a day of celebration.

God promising His word
to make all things new.

And today,

we stand as living testaments
to that promise.

No matter what
challenges lie ahead
for this church family,

we know that God has the power

to turn even the darkest,
most hopeless situation

into a miracle.

And we know that one
of the greatest miracles
He gives us,

is our eternal life in heaven.

That's why I am so pleased
to mark this moment

for the first lighting
of a flame that will remain

eternally lit.

A reminder of the eternal life

those we lost
now have with the Lord above,

is still with us all.

I wish Luke was here.

Well, you did everything
you could.

He'll find his way
back one day.

Please join me
for a moment of silence.

-[Lori] So nothing?
-[Luke] No, not yet.

Why is a one-bedroom
so expensive
in this town anyway?

[Lori scoffs]

Why do you think
I always have a roommate?

[Lori sighs]

[typing]

You know you could just
move in here, permanently?

-I couldn't ask you to do that.
-You're not asking me.

I'm asking you.

You can sleep in
the other bedroom
if it makes you feel better.

Come on, now, we both know
that's not gonna happen.

I haven't slept on the couch
once, since I've been here.

Cool! Then, yeah, you could
just stay here,

and we could make the other
bedroom a study room.

Or a guest room.
Or an exercise room?

Or a pet sanctuary.

Hey, I... I'm not sure
that I'm ready.

Still not over your ex?

She was so hurtful
to you, Luke.

Yeah.

I don't know, isn't it just
a little bit soon for us?

When would be the exact
right moment then?

I don't know.

Exactly.

You don't know the future,
and neither do I.

So why don't we just have
fun in the moment?

-[laptop closes]
-All right.

Yeah?

Yeah.

[Luke chuckles softly]

[nurse] All right,
we're ready to start.

This gel might feel
a little cold.

Now, I'm just going
to move the probe around
on your abdomen.

[heart b*ating]

All right.

And here is your little one.

And by the looks of it,
he or she has a healthy
little heart.

-Oh, is this your first,
Miss Peters?
-Yes.

-Well, congratulations.
-Thank you.

Is there a father
in the picture?

No. No.

[opening theme music playing]