02x01 - Bird Psycho

[bunniefuu]

["Flame Trees" by Sarah Blasko playing]

[muffled scream]

[distorted] ♪ Kids out driving
Saturday afternoon ♪

♪ Just pass me by ♪

[Amerie] We all want to be
the hero of our own story.

But there's only one way
to tell if you're a hero.

[all screaming and coughing]

[Amerie] And it's not about
how jacked you are.

Or if you have a magic power,

or you can eat ten Weet-Bix
in one sitting.

Nope.

The only way to tell if you're a hero...

- [explosions]
- [all scream]

[Amerie] ...is to come
face-to-face with a villain.

Where is Amerie and Harper?

Has anyone seen Amerie or Harper?

[panting]

[distorted] ♪ Time to book a room
To stay tonight ♪

[sirens approaching]

["Candy" by Mandy Moore playing]

- Term two, baby!
- [whoops]

By the way,
I got your back-to-school present.

Oh, yeah, is it a dad?

From now on,
I am officially your bodyguard.

I go wherever you go.

You can't even chuck a sh*t
without me being there.

I am gonna be the best g*dd*mn mate
you've ever seen!

[screams excitedly]

- [cell phone beeps]
- But also...

this.

- [chuckling] What is that?
- Pepper spray.

Did you make this yourself?

Yeah, I found a recipe on the Internet.
Made myself one too.

Bam!

I have one mission from now on,
protect you at all costs.

You're scaring me.

This is kind of cool.

Does it make you feel like
a powerful bitch?

- Kind of.
- 'Cause guess what we are.

What?

[dramatically] Powerful b*tches!

[Harper] Quick, it's the train.

[indistinct chatter]

It's the worst.

[all chattering]

It's of its time.

[foreboding music playing]

[Amerie] You okay, Harps?

Oi! Let's go.

Yeah. Yes.

Turn.

♪ I'm not mad, it's over ♪

♪ Never gonna wait for your call ♪

- [both laughing]
- ♪ I don't need this anymore ♪

- [squeals]
- [screams excitedly]

I am roped and gagged!

How are we back already?

- [Quinni laughs]
- Hey.

[Darren exclaims]

- [laughing]
- [Darren sighs]

I am hungry for an education.

I'm starving for it.

Yeah, you bloody need one.

[Quinni] Can we walk two by two?

Is that annoying?

It's all good.

- Okay.
- Um... Oh.

- Oh.
- [both chuckle]

- You okay?
- Yeah. No, I'm totally fine.

I only mentally prepared myself
to walk three abreast before Amerie came,

it was just me and Darren
and before Darren, it was just me.

Not that I'm not completely stoked
you're here.

I know. Thank you for having me.

Rat slut!

You put Ca$h in jail!

Ah, say more, I dare ya!

[tense music playing]

♪ Wanna get married, start a family ♪

♪ Wanna love a lifetime... ♪

[Darren] Mmm! Thirst incoming.

Shut up! I told you I'm not going there.

My priority is Harper this term.

I give you one week.

No, I'm serious, okay?
Boys are what messed up our friendship.

♪ Baby, we can do it too ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Well, maybe we're just naive, baby ♪

One week.

[song fades]

[exhales] Brutal.

She probably just didn't see me.

Do you care,

given what we yarned about
over the holidays?

Yeah, about that.
Can we just keep that between us?

I don't really need
any more drama in my life.

You want a drama-free life,
stay clear of Amerie.

That bitch is like Eris.
Chaos and strife just follow her.

[chuckles] Who's Eris?

Goddess of disaster.

I'm really into mythology at the moment.

It is sick.

[Sasha] Vote for the q*eer
Socialist Marxist

Climate Crusaders Against Littering Party

if you care about how much soft plastic

the school canteen is not recycling.

Reckon it's too late to be homeschooled?

Don't know, but you've cooked it already
with that outfit.

- Bugger off.
- [boy] I'm serious.

That vest is chat.

[Sasha continues indistinctly]

Oi. Weed gummy?

Dude, it's like 8:00 a.m.

[Sasha] I stand for the mandatory use
of pronouns before class begins.

- And I stand...
- [Spider] Pronouns are soft!

Bronouns are actually in.

Uh, for example, my name is Spider

and my bronouns are dude, mate and bruh.

That is an intentional act of bigotry
and a technical hate crime!

Okay.

[upbeat music playing]

[Sasha] Election party tonight
at the bunkers.

No spiders allowed.

Okay, Dusty from Wish.

- [Amerie] Yeah, what are you wearing?
- It's called evolving.

Someone has to be
the hot guy at Hartley now.

[scoffs] And that's you now, is it?

I'm willing to fill
any holes left by Dusty.

Any holes.

She'd rather f*ck a cattle prod, you perv.

Chill. It's a compliment.

Can't say anything anymore.

What do you mean, "left by Dusty"?

Oh, you didn't hear?
Dusty doesn't go here anymore.

How could he, after you KO'd
his reputation in front of whole school?

That's two guys
you've gotten kicked out of Hartley.

First Ca$h and now Dusty.

- Who's your next victim?
- Shut up, Spider!

At least you didn't get Dusty in jail.

I said shut the f*ck up, Spider.

Amerie, no!

- [all gasp]
- [chuckles]

Is that salad dressing?

[Spider chuckles]

[laughing] Oh!
[mockingly] He was mean to Harper

so I'm gonna squirt him
with my Kraft Zesty.

- [gripping music playing]
- [Zoe grunts, distorted]

- [students exclaim]
- [Zoe seething]

[indistinct chatter]

sh*t. Sorry, Zoe.

Good to see you've done precisely zero
selfing-up over the holidays, Map Bitch.

- [boy] You're the worst.
- [girl 1] You suck.

[girl 2] Map Bitch.

sh*t, my gummies. Five-second rule.

That's a lot of gummies, dude.

You know, I was hoping
for an incident-free term,

but instead I get you
almost taking out Anthony Vaughn's eye

with the opera house.

And what's even in this?

Cayenne pepper, some vinegar...

Smells delicious. And you're lucky
it didn't cause any damage, Amerie.

Miss, those boys are cooked.

They said messed up stuff to Harper,
and I wasn't gonna hear it.

So do we think that assaulting people

is a good way
of standing up for our friends?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Okay. You know what?

I challenge you two to find a better way
of facing your disputes.

You need to get more creative on it.

You know, instead of a fight,

you need to do a dance-off like they do
on those American teen movies.

Instead of hitting people, you hit them

with a "I don't like your vibe, man."

"Get out of my space, yeah?"

Go on. Get up and give it a go, please.

Give it a go.

[Amerie clears throat]

I don't like your vibe, man.

Get out of my space.

Okay. Thank you. That's enough.

Amerie, detention starting tomorrow.

Harper, I'd like a word.

- But, miss...
- Thank you, Amerie. You can go now.

Go. Go. Go.

- How you doing, Harper?
- Good.

- How's your living situation?
- Good.

Yeah, Amerie's been great,
lending me stuff.

Still haven't been able to
get back into Dad's, so...

So contact with him...

I'm emancipating.

Right.

Well, I've let the other teachers know
about your situation.

So if you need to step out of class,
or come to my office...

Special Victims Unit. Yeah, cool.

I'm fine.
I don't want any special treatment.

Okay.

- Yeah. No, okay.
- [clears throat]

Should we go and smile for the camera?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

["Bugatti" by Tiga playing]

♪ Girl comes up to me and says
"What you drivin'?" ♪

Hey.

The new Dusty just dropped. Come on.

Worst you can say is no.

Creep.

That was worse.

'Sup, girl?

- Burn in hell, pervert.
- What did you say?

[distorted] I said burn in hell, pervert!

- Move.
- Creep. Burn in hell, pervert.

- I don't feel so good.
- Disgusting.

- [overlapping chatter]
- I'm sorry.

Loser.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Disgusting.

[tiny voice] Anthony.

Everyone's right.

You know what to do.

- [song ends]
- [camera shutter clicking]

Right. Brace yourself, Jojo.

Yes, come in.

You know the drill.

Shortest at the front,
tallest at the back.

That is not personal.

It is purely practical.

Come on. Let's get this done.

[Amerie] Can't believe Dusty's gone.

I heard he goes to St. Bruno's now.

- He goes to a private boys school?
- Yeah.

[kisses] Perfect. No notes.

[gentle music playing]

Cheers.

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah.

You new?

- Yeah.
- I'm Amerie.

Rowan.

- Nice vest.
- [all chuckle]

[music fades]

Welcome, everybody. Welcome back.

Welcome to your home away from home.

- We've missed you, haven't we, Jojo?
- Definitely.

[Woodsy] So it's lovely to see
all your lovely faces.

Now, I would like to introduce
a very special new student

to our school.

His name is Rowan.

He comes all the way from Dubbo.

Let's give Rowan a big welcome.

Rowan from Dubbo.

Hey, farmer wants a wife!

[Woodsy] Okay. Thank you, Spencer.

Aw, it's giving Morgan Wallen.

Keep it country, farm-core.

Calm your farm everybody.

[students laughing]

[Spider] Sorry, Vest&Less.

Do you sleep in a shed or...

Thank you. We have the photographer
for ten more minutes.

- [loud bang]
- [all gasp]

f*ck.

- [blows air]
- [dramatic music playing]

[Woodsy] I'm sure that you all remember

head of PE, Mr. Timothy Voss.

- Give a welcome back.
- [scattered applause]

- Where's he been?
- I heard he joined a Russian cult.

I heard he got suspended
for having an OnlyFans.

"Zaddy Voss."

- I heard about that.
- Thank you.

Thank you, Principal Woods.

Uh, great to be back
alongside you in the flesh.

[chuckles] It's nice.

Heard you had
an interesting term last term.

Yeah. Looking forward to getting things

back on track now that I'm back.

So, as I always say...

[imitating ring announcer] Let's get ready
to score some goals!

Okay, so I've got goals for you.

I'd like you to all have
lovely big smiles.

Your hair nice and tidy,
and Amerie, if you could refrain

from closing your eyes like you have done...

I just forgot my eyedrops one time.

Okay, everybody. And three, two...

Oi! Anthony Vaughn's
chopping his d*ck off in the quad.

- [all clamoring]
- [Woodsy] No! No! No!

That is not your cue.

My d*ck causes nothing but trouble.

Makes you do stupid sh*t.

- Makes girls hate me.
- [student laughs]

Can't say anything
without being called creep.

- [all exclaim]
- Anthony Vaughn!

My d*ck is a curse,
so I'm gonna get rid of it.

Somebody get him down from there, please.

Miss, he's got a w*apon!

He's not really gonna chop his d*ck off.

Uh, I am. I totally am.

["Ali" by Omega Sapien playing]

[students chanting] Chop it off!

- [Voss yelling]
- [Ant grunts]

- [song stops]
- [all gasp]

Nicely played, Timothy.

I wasn't really gonna do it.

[Woodsy] Yes, but Anthony Vaughn,

there are better ways
of expressing your emotions

than threatening to extricate your penis.

Like what?

We've actually gone through this in SLTs.

It can be useful
to talk about how we're feeling

before it starts to come out
of us in other ways.

[Voss] Here we go.

Something to add?

Turned my back for ten weeks,

Hartley's transformed
into a woke snowflake nightmare.

Sorry, "woke snowflake nightmare"?

Yes, excuse me, Timothy,

but the SLT classes
have been a roaring success,

thanks to Jojo.

Oh, really?

This is a roaring success, is it?

Oh, you're blaming this on SLTs?

They're your words, not mine.

Now, male school dropouts
are through the roof, are they not?

[Woodsy] They are.

Suspension's left, right,
and in the center.

Young men are experiencing
a crisis of confidence right now.

Yeah, he's not wrong.

[Voss] Now the boys at Hartley
are scared to breathe.

And SLT classes may be exacerbating that.

Sounds right. All we get told is that
everything wrong in the world

is caused by our dicks.

We don't target boys in SLT class.

The point is to give these kids the space
to discuss what they're going through.

"Discuss."

Boys can't communicate
the same way as girls.

You know that. We communicate by doing.

Now the great Nollsy said it best.

"There is a little boy
waiting at the counter of a corner shop."

"Now he has been waiting down there,
waiting half of the day,

and they never ever see him from the top."

"Now he's been pushed around."

"Knocked to the ground."

"And he gets to his feet and he says,

what about..."

Me?

"What about he?"

"It isn't fair."

Why are you singing Shannon...

♪ I've had enough! ♪

♪ Now I want my share ♪

♪ Can't you see, yeah ♪

[both] ♪ I wanna live ♪

♪ But you... ♪

Okay.

♪ Just take more than you give... ♪

- I love this song.
- Okay.

It's so true.

[Jojo] Yeah, sure. Look...

- I do love this song.
- SLT class might not be perfect

- but unless you've got a better idea.
- Maybe I do.

That's good then, isn't it?
Jojo, well done.

And Timothy, I really do
look forward to that idea.

- I'm on it.
- Good.

Is his penis still attached or what?

The boys at this school
are actually munted.

- Oh yeah.
- [Amerie sighs]

Entertainment, though.

[Harper] My bag's gone.

That's so weird.
I swear we left ours together.

We did. Someone's racked it.

I'm sure Darren and Quinni
probably took it. They'll show up.

Don't worry. Come on.

[suspenseful music playing]

- [music fades]
- [cell phone vibrating]

[woman] You're about to receive
a telephone call from an inmate

at Denison Correctional Complex.

[Ca$h] I know I said 8:00.
Bloody Clocks wouldn't get off the phone.

Which one is Clocks again?

You know, the, um, the ice addict
with the stumpy arm and a normal one.

How's first day?

[Darren] Oh. Boring.

Dusty's left the school.

There's a new hot guy,
Ant tried to chop his d*ck off.

[chuckles]

So, I'm not missing much then?

- [chuckles] Nah.
- Wait.

Is the new guy hot?

Hot but regional, not my type.

I can't believe I'm finally allowed
to visit you tomorrow.

[chuckles softly] I know. I can't wait.

I miss you.

- [knocking over phone]
- [man] That your loverboy, cobba? Hey?

- [kicking on door]
- Who's that?

[Ca$h] Nobody.

[Woodsy] So,
not the smoothest intro in the world,

but now the kids have gotten it out
of their system, so I'm sure it'll pass.

- [student imitates bleating]
- Oh, thank you.

[sighs] I'm gonna level with you.

The kids at Hartley are brutal. Brutal.

There must be something in the water

because it's been that way
since I've taught here.

I used to cry myself to sleep
every night in my first year

until I developed a thick outer shell
which toughened me up

and ensured that I can't maintain
a close and personal relationship

with anyone but my dog.

So, I am going to pair you up with someone
who is no stranger to being the new kid.

Malakai, this is Rowan.
Rowan, this is Malakai.

Well done.

Hope you have fun together.

Come on.

[indistinct chatter]

[mellow music playing]

[Malakai] That's the Chess Club
and that is the Haha Club.

Some kids stole a bunch of pieces,
so they play with paint tins.

And Haha Club only exists

'cause our counselor
hasn't turned up for six months

and they figured it'd be
a good short term fix, so...

[students laughing]

Well, like, what's your vibe?

Are you sporty, nerdy, unhinged drama kid?

- I'm more of a film geek.
- Ah.

Well, there's an AV club.

- They call them the Dungeon Dwellers.
- [both chuckle]

Uh, checks out. Maybe I'll sign up.

But, um, I've got... I've got SLUTS,
so I'll see you around.

Oh, you've got sluts, okay.

Oh, it... It's a class.

Sure. [chuckles]

Hey, there's a...
There's a party at the bunkers tonight.

You should come.

Yeah, sounds good.

Bye.

[music fades]

[Jojo] Okay, peeps. [sighs]

Welcome to SLT class.

Thought we could start off
with something gentle.

You'll notice art materials
in front of you.

So pick whatever medium you like.

We're meant to be learning about condoms
and blue waffle disease.

- Why are we doing art?
- Don't look at it as art.

Look at the canvas
as a way of expressing how you feel.

Choose whatever color speaks to you.

Miss, Spider's gone
with mental illness grey.

[gasps] Are you flirting with me?

No, I'm just hot and talking.

[Spider sighs] Oh, my God.

This is so f*cking cringe.

How would you like to express
how you're feeling, Spider?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe chuck something?

Punch something?

Like... Like, why is this
a better way of expressing myself

than simply telling you
that this class sucks arse.

Because art doesn't
involve hurting people.

Voss is right.

This is exactly why
Dusty had to leave the school

and Ant had a menty-B.

Yeah, the little trio of fuccbois is gone.

You're irrelevant now.

Men exist.

Dicks exist.

XY chromosomes exist.

It's so easy to blame men, isn't it?

But what are you actually
doing to help fix it?

Like, how is this crayon gonna fix it?

How is this crayon gonna fix me?

[mockingly] Oh, uh-oh. Spider's gone
and literally pokémorphed into peak incel.

That's it. I'm done.

I am walking out
of this class once and for all,

and I'm doing it as a tribute
to Anthony Vaughn.

- [laughs]
- Oh, I'm sorry, did he die?

Did he bleed out?

All of you dudes in here,

if you're actually men...

[Amerie gasps]

- Oh, hell no.
- Get up! Walk out with me.

- If you leave...
- What are you gonna do?

Go on. Touch me.

f*ck SLUTS.

[gripping music playing]

f*ck SLUTS.

f*ck SLUTS. f*ck SLUTS.

[boys chanting] f*ck SLUTS! f*ck SLUTS!

f*ck SLUTS! f*ck SLUTS!
f*ck SLUTS! f*ck SLUTS! f*ck SLUTS!

Hey, what... What now?

[music fades]

Stacks on Tom!

- [boys shouting]
- [quirky music playing]

You're heavy. Get off!

[students chattering]

Oi!

Oi, yourself.

You avoiding me?

Oh, no. I'm... No. What, why? No, no. Nope.

I just thought you might've texted
or something over the holidays.

Well, I didn't hear from you either.

Yeah, I just, I didn't wanna rush you.

Well, not that there's
anything to be rushed.

[gentle music playing]

I've been thinking a lot about you.

I've been thinking a lot about you too.

But I really need to be there
for Harper right now.

I... I really wanna just focus on her.

Mmm. I get it.

- You do?
- Yeah.

I'm not gonna pretend
I'm not disappointed. But...

that's cool of you.

♪ Ah, ah, ah, I'm... ♪

f*ck it.

♪ I'm feeling tied up, tied up ♪

♪ Tryna be a better man ♪

♪ Tryna be a better man ♪

♪ Caught and I'm feeling fired up
Fired up ♪

♪ Hot than a ceiling fan ♪

[breathing heavily]

♪ Caught and I'm feeling fired up ♪

[both moaning]

♪ Tryna be a better man ♪

[song fades]

So are you going to
the bunker thing tonight?

- Um, Malakai, um...
- Hmm.

That was nice. Really nice.

But... I meant what I said

and I really need
to prioritize Harper right now.

Is that okay?

Yeah, yeah, totally.

Amerie! [panting]

- We were just...
- [Darren] We found Harper's bag.

[sniffing]

Hmm. Didn't even last a day.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

[foreboding music playing]

[Amerie] This is so messed up.

[Darren] What kind of psycho
would do this?

Rigor mortis has set in.
It's been dead about two days.

NCIS: Hartley High. [gags]

- Oh, Quinni, no.
- [camera shutter clicks]

We've gotta give it a proper burial.

All right, which one of you
dickheads is the Bird Psycho?

It's probably just
some idiot playing a joke.

[music intensifies, fades]

It's Chook. I know it is.

Nah, someone would've seen him.
Woodsy and I are hyper alert to it.

It's gotta be Spider.

I think I've seen him.

- It's been weeks, though.
- So?

So I kind of just thought
maybe he didn't know it was us.

Or maybe he's waiting?

Or maybe I'm going nuts?

I really don't think it's Chook.

Come to the gatho tonight.
I will force Spider to admit it was him.

As fun as that sounds,
I got some sh*t to do.

One little signature.

[voice breaking] I sign this and Dad's...

gone.

[soft emotional music playing]

- It's just me.
- It's not just you.

Come on, you have me.

It'll never be just you.

Not forever.

We'll grow up and you'll become like

some boss celebrity surgeon,
and I'll join a bikie g*ng.

Oh, f*ck that.
I want to join your bikie g*ng.

I mean it, Harps.

I'm gonna be here.

[sniffles]

- [sighs]
- [music fades]

Screw it. Let's go to this gatho.

- [squeals]
- Come on.

["[It Goes Like] Nanana"
by Peggy Gou playing over speakers]

[loud chatter and laughter]

Given there's four of us now,
it'd be really helpful for me

if we created a list of topics
to talk about tonight

and then also schedule the topics
so we know the order.

We can move between them organically,
but it'd be good if we knew

we had finished one topic
before moving on.

So, for example, the first topic could be

Amerie becoming
so overprotective of Harper,

which is ruining her love life.

[Darren] That sounds kind of complicated.

No, you're totally right.
Creating a schedule would be too much.

- Sorry. Forget about it.
- [sniffs]

This place stinks.

Oh. No, it's not the place. It's my bag.

The ibis is in it.

I'm gonna bury him. It'll be a nice

- final resting spot by the ocean.
- [Darren gags]

♪ Just a feeling that I won't
Won't leave behind ♪

♪ Because it's something that is on
It's on my mind ♪

♪ I guess it goes like na-na-na ♪

♪ Na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na ♪

You did it, right? You're Bird Psycho.

[Spider] Here we go.

Or maybe I'm just not the only one
who thinks that Harper's a witch.

Enjoy the party, Cheezel breath.

That dead sh*t is def Bird Psycho.

Nah, he's scared of birds.

Can't even touch one.

[nasally] Oh, come off it.

[Ant] It's true.

When we were kids, he got swooped
by a swoopy boy magpie.

Took a chunk out of his neck.

- [screaming]
- [bird screeching]

Bloke's got like a full phobia now.

Birdaphobia, I believe.

As if.

[club music playing over speakers]

Hey, look, it's farm-core.

Country-core.

- [girl] Oink, oink, Dubbo!
- [boy] Sheep lover!

You made it.

Kind of regretting it now.

Never seen someone cop
so many different nicknames in my life.

- I reckon Shatagonia might be my favorite.
- [laughs]

I didn't even wear
this sort of thing back in Dubbo.

I just, first day... I don't know.

I got in my head about it.

It's just that vest.
Lose that, you're fine.

Yeah, but if I take it off now,
it's like I'm admitting defeat.

Honestly, they're just gonna
go at you whatever you do.

[chuckles]

[boy] Nice one, no-vest.

Can I interest you in a free vest?

[chuckles]

It comes with a bunch of ridicule,
some shame

and a weird assumption
you know your way around livestock.

Right, so the whole rumor
that you birthed a calf?

Yeah, nah.

Look at these hands.

Never done a day's hard yakka
in their lives.

sh*t.

True. They're pretty pristine, Rowan.

["My My My!" by Troye Sivan
playing over speakers]

- So, uh, you even from a farm?
- No.

People don't realize,
but Dubbo's actually a city.

Even if it's bullshit, you're probably
stuck with farm-core now.

I've had worse.

- I used to be "Spud."
- [chuckles]

'Cause I was small, fat,
not a lot of hair.

- Total potato.
- Oh!

- I used to be "Booger" at my old school.
- [laughs]

Long story, but...

You're kind of
the only person here talking to me.

Yeah. Yeah, same.

So, let's hear it, Booger.

♪ Oh, my, my, my ♪

♪ I die every night with you ♪

Hey, d*ck chopper!

- Safety scissors!
- [laughter]

["123" by Leon Hesby
playing over speakers]

You okay, dude?

I say no wuckas,

but deep down I got many wuckas.

I'm sorry about this morning.

Amerie's kind of on one
about protecting me.

Why don't girls like me?

They think I'm like a creep.

Then stop being a creep.

I'm not.

I'm a good guy.

It just feels like...

every time I open my mouth,
chicks jump down my throat.

And not in a good way.

[Harper] Yeah. I don't feel sorry for you.

[Ant] Not even a little bit?

[Harper] Girls are leery for a reason.

I get that.
I know there are bad dudes out there,

I just don't think I'm one of them.

Anyone can be a bad dude.

Know how exhausting it is to be a girl?
To have your guard up all the time?

Yeah, I dressed as a Powerpuff Girl
for Halloween once.

I always see you with Spider.

Have you ever just tried
to be friends with a girl?

Yeah, fully.

Not just to hook up.

Maybe you should start with that.

- [club music playing over speakers]
- Hey!

I just want you to know

that I'm really focusing
a lot of my campaign energy

into making Hartley
a safe space for non-males.

Great.

[hesitates]

And I just think it's a bit probbo
that you're standing by an accused r*pist.

Ca$h didn't do anything.

- And Harper doesn't hold him responsible...
- I'm glad Harper is so forgiving.

But what about all the other survivors
you're sending a message to?

Here's a campaign strategy for you,

mind your own business.

- Just go. Don't start.
- [Sasha scoffs]

Hey, do you wanna go hide from everyone?

[Amerie] Ant's clearly just lying
to cover for his mate.

Ant's not that great at lying.

Harper's terrified.

If we can prove for sure
it's just something dumb that Spider did,

she won't be so freaked out.

I've got an idea.

- [club music playing over speakers]
- [indistinct chatter, laughter]

Oi! Skidmark!

Heard you're afraid of birds.

The f*ck is that?

- f*ck! Get away from me. [whimpers]
- [imitating bird screeching]

- Check his neck.
- Don't let it touch me!

- [Amerie] Check his neck.
- [screams]

- No, please!
- He has got a scar there.

Told ya! Swoopy boy phobia.

[screaming]

[Spider's scream echoes]

[music and chatter continue in distance]

I don't know how you're
putting up with all of this.

Pretty used to people judging me.

Am I a bad person for staying with Ca$h?

No. Sasha's a bad person for saying that.

But is there a part of you
that blames him for it, though?

[Darren sighs]

No.

But... he could have told someone.
He could have done something more.

He's the reason it wasn't worse.

I said that in my statement,
and I'll say it at the trial.

[scoffs softly] Trial.

I have a boyfriend who's going on trial.

It's crazy to think
he might not get out for a while.

You get to see him
tomorrow, though, right?

Yeah, his nan's taking me.

We talk every day on the phone.

But... Hmm.

Actually getting to touch his hand...

[breathes deeply]

[exclaims]

Oi, um, Spider says you're a witch.

- Let's cast spells on people.
- [laughs]

I'll go first.

Um... [exhales]

[clears throat]

- Abraca...
- [laughing]

Shut up!

Abracadabra,

may you always have
really bad d*ck cheese.

Abracadabra...

[Darren] Hot.

[Harper]...may all the bindies
find their way into your feet.

[chuckles]

Hey, we should probably get out of here!

What have you done now?

[Amerie] Yeah, good chat.

["Augustine" by Blood Orange playing]

[Harper and Amerie speaking indistinctly']

No!

Yes, I did.

I was so sure it was him.

Oh, you and Quinni are nutjobs,
but thank you for trying.

- [foreboding music playing]
- Piss off.

It's Chook. It's gotta be.

- How does he know where you live?
- He's clearly stalking me.

Then we need to call the cops.

And we'll tell them
I set fire to his car first.

They'll love that.

I dragged you into this. I'm so sorry.

No, it's okay.
I won't let anything happen, all right?

No offense, but what are you gonna do?

We're little girls.

We're dumb girls
that did a really stupid thing.

And now we're facing the consequences.

[sighs]

["Rigatoni" playing]

I can't believe you talked us into this.

This isn't f*cking Spy Kids,
Chook is dangerous.

♪ I collect magnets ♪

♪ Alphabets and Hello Kitty gadgets ♪

♪ Pirates with one-eyed patches ♪

♪ Kung-fu chefs with hatchets ♪

♪ Panties of the ratchet ♪

♪ Galore at the dollar store ♪

[car engine starts]

♪ Reminding me I don't have kids
And off the grid ♪

- [engine revs]
- [camera shutter clicks]

♪ I'll off my fam same way Söze did ♪

♪ And my lawyer'll be Kobayashi ♪

♪ Teflon Don got nothing on me ♪

♪ So wasabi, too much make eye watery ♪

♪ Hung jury, won lottery ♪

♪ And clay pottery ♪

♪ With bonsai tree ♪

♪ Hey, don't bother me
Unless you're thе press ♪

♪ You can follow me
No g*n's you'll see ♪

♪ Tucked in my vеst as I play chess ♪

♪ Rook to H8, okay... ♪

So what exactly are we looking for?

[Amerie] Anything that proves
Chook's been following her

and doing the dead bird stuff.

Then Harper won't have to prove
he was there the night they took her.

We can just get him arrested
for stalking or something.

[cell phone ringing and vibrating]

He left his phone.

- [door opens]
- [Chook] f*ck!

[objects clattering]

- Ello-hay, Adlay.
- Who the f*ck are you?

We just wanna talk.

So, let me get this straight.

Youse reckon I came into your school,

stole her bag, found a dead bird,

put that dead bird on her bag,

figured out where she lives,

found another dead bird,
and put that dead bird on her doorstep.

Yes, exactly!

You're trying to get me to admit that?

- No.
- [cell phone beeps]

[automated voice] Recording.

Youse are f*cking pathetic, eh?

- [cell phone beeps]
- Why would I do all this sh*t?

Well, you have some motives.

Yeah? What motives would they be?

Think I'd mess with her
when we're still awaiting trial?

How's that gonna look for my boys, huh?

- That make sense to you?
- Not really.

[tense music playing]

No, not really?

Not very clever breaking in here.

I don't like people touching my sh*t.

And I really don't like
being accused of sh*t I didn't do

after you b*rned my f*cking car

and locked my lads in jail!

You are lucky

I am trying to keep
my nose clean at the moment.

I think you should f*ck off.

Or you could stay.

Oi, not you.

[Darren breathing heavily]

- Come here! Come here.
- [whimpering]

It's all right.

Look around you. Look around.

[sobbing]

This is Ca$h.

This is his world.

You think you know him, but you don't.

[Darren sniffles]

I do know him.

Yeah? So he told you the real story?

Did he? Come here.

Come here. He told you the truth?

What real story?

Oh, you don't know?

Oh, he was in on it.

Yeah, he was gunning for it.

[sniffling]

He just got cold feet.

That's not true.

Yeah?

Why do you think he chose
not to testify against Jayden and Tilla?

Huh?

Why do you think
he chose not to dob me in, huh?

Because he's one of us.

Always has been.

Always will be.

Like I said, you think you know someone.

You don't know sh*t.

Do you?

Say it.

- Say it!
- I don't know sh*t.

f*ck off.

[Darren sobbing]

[exhales]

Okay.

Push that to the footy post and back.

- Let's go.
- Why?

There are many reasons why.

Spider, just do it.
All of you, jump on some rubber.

Let's go.

- [Spider sighs heavily]
- [indistinct chatter]

Come on, Anthony.
Show me what's under that sloppy joe.

You should feel it in your quads.

Didn't know you were
such a huge Shannon Noll fan.

Not Shannon Noll.

Moving Pictures, 1981 original.

Thank you.
And Timothy made some valid points,

and he's not the first
to raise this issue.

I've got Anthony Vaughn's mother
on my back.

Dustin's parents made their feelings known
when they withdrew him from the school.

I have to show that I am taking
these concerns seriously, Jojo.

By allowing them to do whatever this is.

Well, yes, and also by making
the SLTs elective.

[Voss] Come on!

- What?
- Don't look at me like that.

If you make SLTs an elective,
no one's going to come.

I actually think it's gonna open up
a whole new cohort of students

who will thrive under your tutelage, Jojo.

You just gotta have some faith.

[Voss] Rest assured,
we won't be doing any of that

rubbish you had to stomach last term.

There'll be no sitting around
singing "Kumbaya"

- and talking about our feelings.
- [panting]

[Voss] Now, once upon a time,

we men were kings!

We were warriors.

- We were lords.
- [Spider grunts]

[Voss] But this world made us weak.

- Sooky. Whiny.
- [boy heaves]

La-las who can't even push
a tire across a pitch.

[boys panting]

[Voss] That's going to change as of today.

So come, Kings. Where are you?

Hmm? You out there?

Come, warriors. Hmm?

Come, Lords.

- "Cumlords."
- "Cumlords."

- [boys chuckling]
- [Voss] Come together now.

Come together
and release your inner beast.

Cumlords.

["Dexamphetamine" playing]

We're the cumlords. We're the cumlords.

[boys chanting] Cumlords!
Cumlords! Cumlords!

Cumlords! Cumlords! Cumlords!

- Cumlords! Cumlords! Cumlords!
- [howling]

- Cumlords! Cumlords!
- What're they saying?

Oh, they're saying "cumlords."
Real nice. Hmm.

- [boys] Cumlords! Cumlords!
- [Woodsy] Hmm.

[boys] Cumlords! Cumlords!
Cumlords! Cumlords!

[song continues]

Piggott, visitor.

[song stops]

[indistinct chatter]

[mellow music playing]

Hey. Hey.

[Harper] Hey, where were you this morning?

I don't think it's Chook.

What?

Bird Psycho, it's not Chook.

Where were you this morning?

- We went to see Chook.
- What the f*ck!

And he didn't seem
to know anything about it.

- I don't think he wants revenge.
- He's a literal psychopath.

- I took Quinni and Darren with me.
- I can't with this.

I need you to stop.
Stop trying to protect me.

Don't you see this is hurting you?

Everything that happened to you
was my fault.

- It wasn't.
- It's not just you, Harps.

Everyone at this school thinks
that I'm a shitty person

and I can't shake
this feeling that they're right.

[soft emotional music playing]

[Amerie sighs]

You're not a shitty person.

We both f*cked up.

And you're the best mate
in the whole world.

You have so much energy, Am.

You're like...
the Energizer Bunny on pingers.

So when you turn all that on me,
it's f*cking terrifying.

You need to take that energy
and put it into something else.

But I swear to God,
if you keep trying to protect me,

I'm gonna shave your head.

[chuckles]

I would rock it though.

[indistinct chatter, laughter]

Oi, wait. Come here.

Your little "cumlords" gag out there

might've got you a detention
with another teacher.

But not me. You know why?

- No.
- Because I know how it is.

Society is already trying to cut you down.

My old man
ran his own company for 50 years.

The little start-up
is a multinational success.

Then he got fired

from his own company that he started.

And you know why?

For a joke.

His lifetime, a joke.

[imitates expl*si*n]

But that's how this Brave New World works.

Now, those boys out there,
they will walk through fire for you.

And you know what that's called?

Stupidity.

It's called leadership.

You're either born with it or you're not.

Now, let me tell you,
Spencer, you have it.

And me.

Now, together, we can do great things.

And we can start by setting right
a few things around here.

For fellas. What do you say?

Sounds... Sounds great.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- I knew I could count on you.
- Yeah.

- Timothy.
- Stacy.

- Nice to see you.
- And you.

Contextualize "cumlords" for me,
would you?

Absolutely.

Comprehensive Understanding
of Masculinity...

- [quirky music playing]
- Led...

by Older Respected...

- Dude...?
- ..."s".

[Woodsy] Hmm.

Okay.

Being a school captain

is a huge responsibility.

It requires leadership,

- caring for other people.
- [students whispering]

The very well-being of our students
is in their hands.

This year, we've only had
one, uh, candidate come forward.

Well done, Sasha.

So I would like to encourage you all

to be brave

and throw your hat in the ring
and give it a go.

Sasha, why don't you take us
through your policies?

Thank you to our esteemed...

Wait! [clears throat]

I'm gonna run.

Okay. Well done, Spencer,
if you'd like to...

- Do you feel forgotten...
- [quirky music playing]

...unseen, left behind,

or worse,

do you feel... [clears throat]
like you can't even breathe...

- [boy 1] Huh?
- ...for fear of getting canceled?

- Oh.
- People like Sasha So

have made me feel like I'm responsible

for the world's problems
for far too long now.

- It's disrespectful.
- And I'm sick of it.

People can say what they want about me.

- But what you see is what you get.
- [boy 2] Whoo!

So I say, it's time for us,

- the canceled, to take back the power.
- [Sasha scoffs]

- [scattered whooping]
- [Spider] It's time to be unapologetic

about who we really are.

[Harper] Boo!

So vote for me, Spencer White,

if you want a real leader.

- [cheers and applause]
- Yeah!

Okay. Thank you so much, Spencer.

If Spider gets school captain,
we're all doomed.

I don't know if I feel any better
about Sasha being elected to be honest.

I'm gonna run too.

Am, what the hell?

- [Woodsy] Amerie.
- Maybe this is it, Harps.

This is what I put my energy into.

Making it up to everyone.

[Woodsy] Okay, well, this is unexpected.

[enthralling music playing]

Uh... Um...

I doubt many of you
would want to vote for me.

And I get it.
I've let a lot of people down.

Even in the last day,
I think I've pissed off about 20 of you...

Is she allowed to do this?

...but I think that's what makes me
the best candidate

because I wanna be better.

I want to make it up to you all

and I will work five times harder
than anyone else to do it.

I will prove that I can be a good person.

Plus who'd want these two dickheads
as school captain?

They want this for themselves, not you,

for their own egos.

So... vote one.

Amerie Wadia.
Hartley High's biggest f*ck-up.

Let me make it up to you.

[music stops]

[student coughs]

- Whoo!
- [enthralling music continues]

[Woodsy] Thank you, Amerie.

Everybody, our three candidates
for school captain of Hartley High.

[applause]

[music fades]

[indistinct chatter]

Hey. So, um, it turns out Harper didn't
really want a full-time bodyguard.

[chuckles] I see.

So I have some time on my hands.

Time you'll spend in the race
for school captain?

[chuckles] I mean, yeah, that,

but also time
that I could be spending with you.

- I'd like that.
- Yeah, me too.

Um, wanna start tonight?

Sounds good.

Hey, Booger.

Hey, Spud.

[Rowan] What are you up to tonight?

[indistinct chatter]

So, we'll be your campaign managers,

but you're gonna have to choose a vice.

- I was thinking Quinni.
- Seriously?

- I reckon you'll be amazing.
- [cell phone chimes]

How's the look on those two rockjobs
when you got up?

What the hell?

[foreboding music playing]

[Quinni mutters]

[Amerie] "You don't get to be the hero."

"Bird Psycho."

[Darren] Bird Psycho?

Did this happen just now?

Wait, so they're after you now?

No. No, they were always after me.

The ibis that was on my bag,
the one that I lent you,

it's got my name on it.

Then the mynah bird, that was my house.

Whoever this is, they wanna bring me down.

[Harper] So it really isn't Chook.

We would've seen him in the hall.

Whoever sent this
was in assembly just now.

Bird Psycho's out to get Amerie.

And they go to this school!

[cell phones chiming]

["Bizarre Love Triangle"
by New Order playing]

[imperceptible]

Who at Hartley hates me this much?

[Amerie] We all want to be
the hero of our own story.

But have you ever stopped to think
that at some point, to someone,

you're the villain?

♪ You say the words that I can't say ♪

[song fades]

[gripping electronic music playing]