[TV static drones]
[bright tone]
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
- Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "Last Week Tonight."
I'm John Oliver.
Thank you so much
for joining us.
And we begin tonight
with President Trump--
two words that continue
to sound wrong together,
sort of like "horse pope"
or "Dr. Oz."
And this was a week of diplomacy
for the president.
Or, as it turned out,
the opposite of that.
- President Trump hosting
Chancellor Angela Merkel
at the White House today.
It will be their first
face-to-face meeting
since Mr. Trump
ridiculed the chancellor
on the campaign trail, accusing
her of "ruining Germany."
- Wow.
Well, first,
that is a major insult,
because, historically,
the title of
"chancellor synonymous
with ruining Germany"
is pretty much taken.
And second,
it's got to be awkward
to meet someone that you've
talked so much shit about.
Personally, that is why
I never leave the house,
because I know Johnny Depp
is somewhere out there,
presumably vaping
into a supermodel's vag*na
while he mansplains acting.
And--and if you are thinking
that Trump made
an extra effort
to smooth things over,
you would be wrong,
because watch what happened
when the media at a photo op
made a very routine request.
- Oh, shake her hand,
you weird, weird man!
It is not often
that you can genuinely say,
"Trump really should have
touched that woman."
Because--look at him!
He's just staring
straight ahead,
refusing to make eye contact!
He's treating
the Chancellor of Germany
like a drunk guy
masturbating in a subway car.
And it did not get
any less tense
at their joint press conference,
'cause as you probably know,
Trump has been standing by
his nonsensical claim
that President Obama
had him wiretapped,
and when a German reporter
asked him about that,
he tried to pull Merkel into it
with him.
- As far as, uh,
wiretapping,
I guess, by, you know,
this past administration,
at least we have something
in common, perhaps.
[audience laughter]
- Now, what that very funny joke
is referring to
is the allegation that the U.S.
had monitored Merkel's phone,
and she is not amused by that.
In fact, that may be
the most uncomfortable
a U.S. president
has ever made her.
And I will remind you,
George W. Bush
once gave her an unsolicited
surprise back rub.
And it wasn't just Germany
dragged into
Trump's wiretapping mess,
because his press secretary
and special guest on
the "Gilmore Girls" reboot
Melissa McCarthy
suddenly brought a British
spy agency into it too.
- Sean Spicer, the president's
press secretary,
has backed claims
that GCHQ was involved
in tapping phones
for Barack Obama.
- He didn't use the NSA,
he didn't use the CIA,
he didn't use the FBI,
and he didn't use
the Department of Justice.
He used GCHQ.
- Wow.
Now, that is going to piss off
the British, and you do not want
to piss off the British,
because if you do,
we will say, "Oh, dear,"
shake our heads,
swallow the anger,
and carry it around
until we die.
Because think about what
he's actually alleging there.
He is suggesting
a U.S. president
enlisted a foreign
intelligence service
to spy on
a political adversary.
That is an expl*sive charge.
Perhaps that is why
the NSA's deputy director
told the BBC it was,
"Arrant nonsense,"
revealing, "A complete lack
of understanding
in how the relationship works,"
and, for their part,
GCHQ called the accusations,
"Utterly ridiculous."
And yet, rather than distancing
himself from Spicer,
Trump decided to back him up.
- All we did
was quote a certain,
uh, very talented
legal mind
who was the one responsible
for saying that
on television.
That was a statement made by
a very talented lawyer on Fox.
And so you shouldn't be
talking to me;
you should be talking to Fox.
- No, we should be
talking to you about it
'cause you're
the f*cking president,
and you're repeating it.
[cheers and applause]
"He only said it
because he heard it
on television,"
is barely an acceptable excuse
for why your parrot said
a racial slur.
"No, no, no, no!
We've been watching 'The Wire'!
We've been watching
'The Wire'!"
Oh, and so you know,
that "very talented legal mind"
that Trump's talking about
is this guy,
Fox News contributor
Judge Andrew Napolitano,
a man whose persona
is so overwhelmingly
non-authoritative
I just assumed he was a judge
in the "Judge Reinhold" sense
of the word.
Spicer was quoting Napolitano
directly,
and even by Fox's standards,
the judge
is an unreliable source.
He has a history of entertaining
dicey conspiracies.
He once questioned whether
bin Laden was actually k*lled,
and a few years ago,
he went on Alex Jones' show
and said this, regarding
the World Trade Center:
- What a very talented
legal mind!
And it is, frankly, telling
that even Fox News anchor
Bret Baier
didn't stand behind the story.
- We love the Judge.
We love him here at Fox.
But the Fox News division
was never able
to back up those claims.
- That is like how you talk
about a r*cist grandparent.
"We love Nana,
we love her very much,
"but we cannot stand behind
the things she says,
"nor would the rest of us use
those specific words.
"Also she has been watching
'The Wire.'
"She's been watching
'The Wire.'
"If Stringer Bell can say it,
why can't she?
That's her point."
And you know, if Fox News
admits a story is bullshit,
then it is bullshit.
So all the Trump team had to do
was apologize and move on,
and they were so close
to doing that.
- A senior administration
official said earlier today
Spicer and national security
adviser H.R. McMaster
offered what amounted
to an apology
to the British government.
But Spicer later disputed that,
saying the administration
had no regrets.
- That is Sean Spicer
saying he has no regrets,
which is amazing,
because if anyone on this planet
should have f*cking regrets,
it is you,
Madam Ghostbuster.
You should regret everything,
every life decision
that brought you
into this regretful job
that you regretfully hold.
At this point, you should really
be more regrets than man--
a regretotaur, if you will,
half--
half man,
half regretful beast,
cursed to roam the planet
until one day
you're finally released
from your prison
by the inevitable firing
you'll receive
in, oh, let's say,
two and a half weeks, shall we?
And look, there is no evidence
for Trump's claims.
There is no discernible
motivation
for the British government
to be part of this.
Just the word
of a mid-transition werewolf
with questionable views
on 9/11.
And yet none of that
seems to matter to Trump,
and I could tell you why,
but I think I'll let
Fareed Zakaria do it for me.
- I think the president
is somewhat indifferent
to things that are true
or false.
He has spent his whole life
bullshitting.
He has succeeded
by bullshitting.
He's gotten the presidency
by bullshitting.
It's very hard to tell somebody
at that point
that bullshit doesn't work,
because look at the results,
right?
- Yeah.
[cheers and applause]
Donald Trump
is a bullshit artist.
And I know Trump
might want to refute that,
but to be fair,
someone on TV did say it,
and I am repeating it,
so therefore, it must be true.
And now this.
male announcer:
And now, morning news shows
celebrating St. Patrick's Day
literally the only way
they know how.
- [Irish accent]
And top o' the morning to you.
We're live.
And a great Friday morning
St. Paddy's Day to ya.
- Top o' the morning.
- Top o' the morning to ya.
- St. Patrick's Day.
- Top o' the mornin' to ya.
- Top o' the mornin' there.
- Top o' the mornin' to ya,
Wendy.
- Top o' the mornin'
to ya, Bill.
- Top o' the mornin' to ya!
- Top o' the mornin'
to ya.
- Top o' the mornin' to you,
lad and lasses.
- Top o' the mornin' to ya.
- Top o' the mornin' to ya,
laddies.
- Officers determined
the victim was shot
on Denver Avenue.
Officers on the scene
say they located blood
on the car and w*apon.
We will bring you
more information
as it becomes available.
- Well, top o' the mornin'
to ya.
[cheerful Irish reel melody]
[cheers and applause]
- Moving on.
For our main story tonight,
we wanted to take a quick look
at the federal budget,
the only beach read
less appropriate
than Bill Cosby's "Little Bill:
One Dark and Scary Night."
And this week, Donald Trump,
a man who constantly promised
that he would run America
like a business,
gave us our clearest sense yet
of how he plans to do that.
- The president revealing
his new budget proposal
just moments ago.
- It is promising
the most dramatic change
in the federal government
since World w*r II.
- This is a budget blueprint
from the president
of the United Sates,
a document
that he puts out there.
It is his wish list.
It is the way that he would like
the government to be funded
and--and what
his priorities are.
- Yes, this budget
is simply a blueprint,
what's known in Washington
as a "skinny budget,"
which sounds like a line item
that Trump might have included
in one of his prenups.
So try and think of it,
this budget,
as a presidential mood board,
the mood board
of a president whose mood
can always be described as,
"Impatient, vain,
and horny for malice."
So what is in this thing?
- The budget blueprint calls for
a $54 billion increase
in defense spending.
Take a look at this graphic.
On the left, you see,
uh, departments
getting an increase.
That would be Defense,
Homeland Security,
Veterans Affairs.
The agencies facing cuts:
the Environmental
Protection Agency,
the State Department,
the Agriculture Department,
the Labor Department,
Health and Human Services,
and the list goes on and on.
- You know what?
It is sort of fitting
that the list of budget cuts
scroll by
like the end credits
for America.
"Thanks for helping us out,
Agriculture Department!
"Hope you find a gig
with the next country
that rises from our ashes."
And while this budget
is very unlikely to pass
in its current form,
it is worth taking just
a few minutes to look at it,
partly because it gives us
a clear sense
of our president's priorities
but also 'cause it gives us
a chance to get to know
yet another one of the Trump
administration's key characters,
because we've met
most of them by now.
There's Steve Bannon,
a wealthy
former Goldman Sachs banker
who somehow constantly
looks like he just woke up
on a park bench after losing
custody of his children.
There is, uh, Kellyanne Conway,
the brave survivor
of a t*rror1st attack
she completely made up.
And there's Stephen Miller,
the least popular boy
at vampire school.
Well, for this budget,
we got to know Mick Mulvaney,
whose name,
when spoken in my accent,
sounds like what you'd call
a random Irish person
if you're trying to get him
to fight you.
He is the director
of the Office
of Management and Budget,
and I'll let--I'll let him
give you just a glimpse
into the
highly scientific process
by which he put this budget
together.
- We came at it--
actually wrote the budget
by going through
the president's speeches,
going through
the interviews he had given
and talking to him directly
and finding out
what his priorities were.
We took those words,
those policies,
and turned them into numbers.
- Yeah, basically,
Mulvaney treated
Trump's past statements
the way Trump treats women:
randomly singling out
a few of them
and then reducing them down
to numbers.
But--but that cannot
have been easy
when you think about it,
because
translating the noises
that come out of Trump's face
into hard policy prescriptions
is almost impossible.
Take this statement
on military spending.
- You got to make the country
rich again
and strong again
so that you can afford it
and so you can afford military
and all of the other things.
- I--I don't know
what that was.
To be honest,
it sounds like the audiobook
of "A Farewell to Arms"
broadcast by an iPhone
submerged in hot coffee.
But--but apparently
Mulvaney heard,
"Increase defense spending
by $54 billion,"
because that is what
he's proposing.
And as for the budget's funding
for nuclear weapons,
they presumably had their basis
in statements like this one.
- Putin has built up
their military again
and again and again.
Their military
is much stronger.
He's doing nuclear.
We're not doing anything.
Our nuclear is old and tired,
and his nuclear is tippy-top,
from what I hear.
[audience laughter, murmuring]
- Again,
I don't know how you turn that
into policy.
"Let's trickle-dickle
some money-bunnies
"into our boom-boom budget.
"We're aiming for tippy-top,
people, because remember,
"we're talking about
the most lethal weapons
"in the history of mankind,
so, if we can,
tippy-tippy-top."
Now, that apparently means
a $1.4 billion increase
for the National
Nuclear Security Administration
while cutting the Department
of Energy's overall budget
by $1.7 billion.
But to be honest,
I can't be certain
because I don't speak
fluent toddler psychopath.
Now--now, these cuts
have made headlines
for their severity,
but no one can say
they're surprised
by who is on the receiving end
of some of the worst of them.
For instance,
his 31% cut to the EPA
is really just making good
on some pretty clear words.
- Environmental Protection?
What they do is a disgrace.
Every week, they come out
with new regulations.
They're making it impossible--
- Who's gonna protect
the environment?
- They--we'll be fine
with the environment.
We can leave a little bit,
but you can't destroy
businesses.
- We can leave a little bit
of the environment,
specifically, this fish,
this bit of crabgrass in Utah,
and one of these meerkats.
So don't get too attached,
one on the right.
And look, there is nothing wrong
with cuts in principle,
but with budgets,
as with haircuts,
it's where and how you cut
that matters.
And, believe me,
I say that as a grown man
who had bangs on national
television for seven years.
Cool?
Cool.
And--and it is
important to note,
non-defense
discretionary spending
is already at its lowest level
relative to GDP
in over 15 years,
lower than any year
of Reagan's presidency.
And that's what makes something
like Trump's proposed
for the State Department
and USAID so frightening.
Although Secretary of State
Rex Tillerson
doesn't seem that worried
about it,
and one of the reasons
he gave for that
was a little surprising.
- What the president is asking
the State Department to do
is, I think, reflective
of a couple of expectations.
One is that, as time goes by,
there will be fewer
military conflicts
that the U.S. will be
directly engaged in.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on there.
You honestly think
we're gonna have fewer
military conflicts
under President Trump?
There is simply no way
that is true.
He just needs one person
to tell him
that World w*r I was called
"The Great w*r"
and he's going to want
to have a better one
out of sheer pettiness.
And making big cuts to things
like the State Department,
International Development,
and the EPA
isn't just shortsighted;
it doesn't even
make fiscal sense.
The EPA
is currently responsible
for 0.2% of federal spending,
and the State Department
and USAID are 1.4%,
so you don't cut those agencies
as a cost-saving measure.
You do it as a "f*ck you."
It is the budgetary equivalent
of inviting Mitt Romney
out to dinner at Jean-Georges
before not offering him
a cabinet position.
And I will say,
that was awesome, by the way.
Trump is so consistently
monstrous,
sometimes
out of sheer coincidence,
he happens to do
something amazing.
Trump is truly
the stopped clock of assholes.
But--but his pettiness
extends even further
when it comes
to some of the tiny items
his budget
eliminates funding for,
like the national endowments
for the arts
and the humanities
and the Corporation
for Public Broadcasting,
which, last year,
made up less than 0.02%
of federal spending.
But according to Mulvaney,
it is unfair to expect people
to even pay that much.
- When you start
looking at the places
that will reduce, uh,
spending,
one of the questions
we asked was,
can we really
continue to ask
a coal miner in West Virginia
or a single mom in Detroit
to pay for these programs?
The answer was no.
We can ask them
to pay for defense
and we will,
but we can't ask them
to continue to pay for
the Corporation
for Public Broadcasting.
- Okay, that argument
isn't just insulting.
It's absolutely ridiculous.
Because while, yes, the military
keeps single mothers safe,
on a day-to-day basis,
"Bob the Builder" is an
actual lifesaver for them.
"Declan, honey,
Mommy's gonna lie down
"for a little bit while
you watch yourself some 'Bob.'
He's the only man
I trust anymore."
And if, if your real concern
is for
the hard-earned dollars
of single mothers
and coal miners,
let's break that down,
shall we?
Because if your single mother
needs to work
and her child
attends a school,
she might need access to
something like WINGS for Kids,
an after-school program
that serves 1,600 children
in three states.
And guess what...
- Under President Trump's
new proposed federal budget,
WINGS' primary source of
funding would be eliminated.
Bridget Laird is the CEO.
How does that make you feel?
- Makes me feel devastated.
- Jessica Williams
has two daughters
in the program.
What happens
if it goes away?
- Um, I really don't know
how I could...
I really don't know.
I would be lost.
- Okay,
so that is a really bad cut,
and again, I say that
as a man
who no one stopped
from going into a Supercuts
with a photo of Demi Moore
in "Ghost"
and saying, "This, but worse."
And as for Mick Mulvaney's
hypothetical coal miners,
let's take a look
at what Trump's budget cuts
from the Appalachian region.
- One of those programs
at risk of losing all funding
is the Appalachian
Regional Commission,
which funded 35 different
projects and programs
in Tennessee alone last year.
- 35 programs
in just Tennessee.
And that list includes
things like
the Healthier Tennessee
Communities initiative,
the Boys & Girls Clubs
of Tennessee Valley,
and the Governor's
Books from Birth Foundation--
all of which contain
so many positive words.
I am presuming
that also in line for cuts
are the Kid-Kitten
Hardhat Alliance
and the Grandma's Wish Coalition
for Warm Cookies
Straight from the Oven.
The cookies will be
thrown away.
The grandma will be put down.
And by the way--by the way,
those cuts are coming in a state
that went for Trump,
which leads us to
the weirdest thing of all here.
Some of the cuts
in Trump's budget
heavily impact groups
that voted for him.
- The one that strikes me
is rural airports.
We spend money to help subsidize
rural airports
where they otherwise
couldn't have air service.
Now, maybe that doesn't make
any sense in an ideal world.
Maybe on principle,
that's a bad thing,
but the people who are
gonna lose their airports
if we stop doing that
are the people who voted
for Donald Trump.
- So think about that.
Trump's rise was fueled
by people in red states
who were justifiably irritated
that liberals sometimes refer
to them as "flyover country."
But this budget could literally
turn some of them
into flyover country
because there would be
no other option.
And even some Republicans
are now wary of this budget.
Hal Rogers, a Republican
and former chair of the
House Appropriations Committee,
went so far as to call
many of the cuts,
"Draconian, careless,
and counterproductive."
And a Republican saying that
about budget cuts
is like a toddler
telling you,
"This balloon f*cking sucks."
Really?
I really thought
you liked those!
And, look,
Trump's defenders will say
that this is just him
being a businessman.
It's a first offer,
it's a negotiation,
the sort of thing
that you could learn all about
in his book,
"The Art of the...
"Wait, I Seem to be Betraying
Everyone Who Supported Me.
"Ah, Well, Forget It.
"Anyway, Let's Talk About
All the Trim I Got
in the '80s, Right Fellas?
Hunga Munga!"
But if anything
resembling this budget passes,
many of Trump's own voters
will likely wind up
getting burned,
and they are going to be angry,
and Trump himself
should know that,
given that
in "The Art of the Deal,"
he said this:
- Oh, I think
people are catching on.
It's taking longer
than is perhaps ideal,
but I think, pretty soon,
all of us will be fed up
right up
to the tippy-f*cking-top.
And now this.
announcer: And now,
a special
St. Patrick's Day moment
from "Fox & Friends."
- Today is St. Patrick's Day,
so we'll be celebrating
throughout.
But it doesn't mean--
what did you just do?
- I just moved
the leprechaun.
I didn't realize there was
a leprechaun behind me.
- Sitting between us.
- Remember a couple of years ago
when we actually had
a leprechaun on the show?
Where Judge Napolitano
sat on his lap?
- Right, I don't think
that video's available anymore.
announcer: Oh, you wish
that video wasn't available.
- Let's go over
to Judge Andrew Napolitano
with a special--
- Hey, I got my new buddy here
from the University
of Notre Dame...
- How are you, Judge?
- Paddy, all right.
Good to see you.
announcer:
Oh, what a fun memory.
- We hired this leprechaun
off of craigslist.
[laughter]
- There's your first mistake.
- And you know what?
You get exactly
what you pay for.
announcer: f*ck you.
[cheerful Irish reel melody]
[applause]
- And finally, this week,
before we go,
I know the world
is a bleak place right now,
so we wanted to leave you
with a happy story,
and it involves Bolivia,
a country you think about
so little,
you don't even realize
that's not Bolivia;
that's Colombia,
except it isn't.
That's Venezuela.
That is Colombia,
except it isn't.
That's Bolivia, which is the one
we were looking for
in the first place.
Which one's Colombia?
There is simply no way to know.
The point is,
the Bolivian city of La Paz
has had longstanding problems
with their roads,
including traffic jams
and a high rate
of fatal accidents.
And I know that you're thinking,
"Wait. Hold on.
"Your happy story
involves fatal car accidents
in Bolivia?"
Well, wait. Wait.
Wait. Trust me.
Because this is the solution
they came up with.
[reporter speaking Spanish]
- Appropriating the image
of the crosswalks,
called "zebras,"
and dressed in a costume
of the animal by the same name,
these young people have been
going into the street
of the city of La Paz
for the past 13 years
with the goal of educating
the citizens with love
and changing the chaotic face
of the vehicular traffic
in this city.
- Admit it.
You didn't see that coming.
Not a single one of you
was sitting there going,
"Traffic zebras!
"I'm calling it!
Traffic zebras! Yes!"
Now, these zebras
don't have policing powers,
like the ability to issue
tickets or make arrests.
Instead,
they just tease people.
And if you look online--
and I cannot recommend
you do that enough--
there is incredible footage
of them in action.
You can see everything
from a zebra holding his head
while a man jaywalks
to one dancing
and spinning around
in front of a speeding van
that stops
just in the nick of time
to this zebra risking his life
to stop a car
to the many, many clips
of zebras dancing,
every single one of which,
especially the last one,
is absolutely superb.
Watch him throw that down.
And at this point,
you may be wondering,
how did this happen?
Well, it was based on
a similar program in Colombia,
uh, where they dispatched
traffic mimes
to monitor pedestrians.
And as far as having mimes
rove around your city,
I think we can all agree:
No.
Not only is it
tremendously unpleasant,
but being mocked by a mime
doesn't even work.
All you have to say is,
"I can talk, and you can't."
Argument won.
You lock him in a glass box,
and you walk away.
But Bolivia has really
taken it up a notch
with this whole zebra business.
The program started
with just 24 of them,
and today in La Paz alone,
there are 265.
That is a population boom
so great,
it puts actual zebras
to shame.
And that is saying something
because zebras notoriously
have no shame.
Put it away!
Put it away!
That thing is a liability.
Tuck it away.
And while it may look like fun
for people,
this is a real job
with strict rules.
[reporter speaking Spanish]
- They explained
some of the rules
to be zebras, like:
honor the costume,
don't eat when you work,
never, never
take your head off.
- That is a good rule.
Never take your head off.
You cannot risk shattering
an innocent child's belief
that you are a real free-roaming
bipedal talking equid
And by the way, that applies
even in interview situations.
There are many, many clips
of reporters shoving
microphones in zebras' faces,
even one with a zebra giving
an interview to another zebra.
- This is very significant
for me.
I really like what I'm doing,
and it's not just about
telling people what to do.
- Come on!
Every interview is improved
by a zebra head.
There's a lesson for everyone
there.
Stressful interview
with "60 Minutes"?
Put on a zebra head.
Tough questions
on the red carpet?
You put on a zebra head.
Sean Spicer?
Get yourself a zebra head,
man.
What is wrong with you?
[cheers and applause]
And--and here's the thing.
It doesn't just help
with Bolivia's traffic.
Many of the people
in those costumes
really need the work.
- Many of the zebras
are young people
who are recovering
drug addicts and alcoholics.
It's a way for them to get
their lives back on track
and to give something back
to society.
- Look, they're not only
getting their lives on track.
I'm pretty sure
the existence of these zebras
is the only thing keeping
my life on track right now.
And is it any wonder
how beloved these cebritas are,
considering the attitude
that they project?
- Oh!
- Cebrita!
- [speaking Spanish]
- Yes, the zebra was inside her
the whole time,
which, admittedly,
sounds like a description
for a very risqué YouTube video,
but that's not the point.
The point is,
I've got a few questions here.
First: How the hell
did no one
tell me about this before?
I feel like we've been
pretty clear on this show
about our interest
in South American countries
you have scant
geographical knowledge of
and people in animal costumes.
And frankly,
I have needed this
over the last few months.
The news has been hard.
Which brings me
to my second question.
If zebras can make
Bolivian traffic jams bearable,
what else could they help with?
So here is what we've done.
We made our own Bolivian zebra
and have been seeing
if they can help
make painful moments
easier to take.
And I'll show you how it works.
Remember Trump's inauguration?
Tough to watch, right?
But I'll say this.
It's a lot easier to watch
with a zebra involved.
- I, Donald John Trump,
do solemnly swear...
- I, Donald John Trump,
do solemnly swear...
- That I will faithfully
execute...
- That I will faithfully
execute...
- The office of President
of the United States.
- The office of President
of the United States.
- See?
It's better, right?
Again,
it doesn't change anything,
but it is easier to watch.
Now, this works for
moments of frustration too.
Remember how it felt
on Tuesday night
when Rachel Maddow
made you sit through
to get to what amounted
to very nearly nothing?
Well, you know
what could have helped then?
A zebra to share your pain.
- Somebody...
[pages rustling]
Has decided to leak...
A portion
of his 2005 tax return,
which is how and why
we got it tonight.
And I am sure
it is only the start,
but it's a start,
and our little piece of it,
we just got it.
We'll go through it, next.
- Come on!
- I promise,
it works for anything.
Take "Manchester by the Sea."
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pretty harrowing movie,
right?
That couple went through hell.
You know, if only
they weren't so alone.
- [sniffs]
Maybe you don't want
to talk to me.
- [mutters]
- No, let me finish.
I love you.
My heart was broken.
It's always gonna be broken.
And I know
yours is broken too.
- Look, look, I think it's--
[cheers and applause]
I think it's pretty clear.
With things in America
the way they are now,
we need these zebras
like never before.
And that is why
we've uploaded footage
of a green screen zebra
going through
a wide variety of emotions.
You can use them
however you want.
Just let us know
whatever you did
with the hashtag
#JUSTADDZEBRAS.
That is our show.
Thank you so much for watching.
We'll be off next week,
back April 2nd.
Good night.
Please enjoy a dancing zebra!
[cheers and applause]
[upbeat dance music]
♪ ♪
[bright tone]
04x06 - United States federal budget
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American late-night talk and news satire television program hosted by comedian John Oliver.
American late-night talk and news satire television program hosted by comedian John Oliver.