03x30 - 2016 United States presidential election results

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[TV static drones]

[bright tone]

[upbeat rock music]

♪

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome, welcome, welcome

to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.

Thank you so much
for joining us.

And let us begin
with our first and only story,

the 2016 election
or, as you may know it,

"I Thought I Wanted It To Be
Over But Now That It's Over

"I Wish It Was Still Going On
Because It Turns Out

The Ending Is Even Worse
Twenty-f*cking-Sixteen."

The results on Tuesday

were--were a little different

than what just over
half the voters wanted.

- We can now project the winner
of the presidential race.

CNN projects Donald Trump
wins the presidency.

Donald J. Trump
will become the 45th president

of the United States.

- It's true!
That happened.

It turns out,
instead of showing our daughters

that they could
someday be president,

America proved that no grandpa
is too r*cist

to become leader
of the free world.

"Look, Papa,
someday that could be you."

Now, if you're like me,

the implications of this
have been hitting you in waves.

One minute, you're numb.

And the next minute,
you realize that Donald Trump,

this man, will soon have access
to the nuclear codes.

And then maybe you get
distracted by daily life

until it hits you again.

Oh, our future president
was supported

by a former grand wizard
of the Klan

and 60 million people
voted for him despite that.

And then maybe you finally
manage to get some sleep,

but then you wake up realizing,

"Oh, shit,
the Supreme Court."

Because remember
Merrick Garland,

who the Republicans have
refused to confirm all year?

You know, the guy whom
we asked you to choose

a Supreme Court dog for.

Uh, you actually picked
this one, by the way.

Uh, we--we never announced it

because we figured
that we would tell you

when he was confirmed.

Well, he's not
getting confirmed,

and that dog is dead now.

Uh, no, actually, not really.

She--she is fine,

but she's not
getting on the court.

- Donald Trump
will fill that seat

and maybe more.

Uh, Ruth Bader Ginsburg
is in her 80s.

Uh, Anthony Kennedy
is--is over 80.

And there are over justices
who've talked,

bandied about the idea
of--of retiring.

Bottom line: Donald Trump
is going to shape

the Supreme Court
for decades to come.

- Wow.

That is one of those phrases

you just assumed
you would never have to hear,

like, "Vanilla Ice is picking up
his Nobel Prize in Physics,"

or, "Henry Kissinger
just came out

with a line of skinny jeans."

They go with everything.

Now, it has been wave after wave
of nausea all week.

I woke up on Thursday
feeling fractionally better,

but then on turned on the TV

and saw Trump in the Oval Office
with President Obama.

And just look
at the president's face there.

He cannot believe
what he's looking at either.

In fact, just listen to
the actual audio in that room.

["Curb Your Enthusiasm"
theme music]

[upbeat quirky music]

[cheers and applause]

Fun fact:

that is the new
national anthem now.

You see?
We're laughing.

We're having fun.

And then you remember:

Trump's going to be
in charge of the military.

And leaders there
do not know what to expect.

- They have seen
Donald Trump's statements

on the campaign trail,

talking about waterboarding,

talking about bombing
with little regard

to civilian casualties,

talking about
taking the oil in Iraq.

All of these things
potentially, uh,

very serious, uh, violations
of international law,

violations
of the Geneva convention.

- Yes, our president-elect

has, at various times,
said he'd b*mb civilians,

loot oil, and waterboard,

which isn't a military strategy
so much as

the series of words
that Donald Rumsfeld mutters

so he can stay hard
while he's masturbating.

And--and look,

look, Trump won this election,

by which I mean,
he won the Electoral College,

which, for reasons
I will never understand

no matter how many times
it's explained to me,

is how things are done.

And many people--
it's important to remember,

many people are happy
to see him in office.

Some are voters who think
he'll bring jobs back

and shake up Washington.

Others are happy simply because
he isn't Hillary Clinton.

Uh, and others, of course,

are Vladimir Putin
and Scott Baio.

But for the rest of us,

we are faced
with the same questions

as a guy that woke up
the day after

a Vegas bachelor party,
deep in the desert,

naked, tied to a cactus
and a dead clown,

namely, "How the f*ck
did we get here,

and what the f*ck
do we do now?"

Because Donald Trump
will be president.

And respecting democracy
means accepting that.

Although there is
one sentiment

that, I would argue,
takes that a little too far.

- The man hasn't even

been a president for a day yet,
all right?

Let's give him a chance
to be the president.

- Give Donald Trump a chance.

- We now have
to give him a chance

and see how he's gonna govern.

- The American people should
give him a chance to govern

because if he succeeds,
we succeed.

- Now, in the broadest sense,

I get that impulse:

hope for the best
in the face of very long odds.

It's like we're on a plane

and we just found out
our pilot is a wombat.

I don't like this,

I don't understand
how it happened,

and I'm pretty sure
we're headed for disaster,

but what the hell?

Come on, Batty,
prove me wrong!

[cheers and applause]

And--and the thing is,

optimism--optimism is nice
if you can swing it.

But you've got to be careful,
because it can feed

into the normalization
of Donald Trump.

And he's not normal.

He's abnormal.

He's a human "What Is Wrong
With This Picture?"

He sticks out
like a sore thumb,

and, frankly, he even
looks like a sore thumb.

So--so giving him a chance

in the sense of
not speaking out immediately

against policies
that he's proposed

is dangerous
because some of them

are alarming.

- Just some of Trump's promises?

Repeal and replace Obamacare;

build a wall along
the southern border with Mexico

and get Mexico
to pay for said wall;

deport all 11 million
to 12 million

undocumented immigrants

in this country,
including children;

appoint a special prosecutor
to investigate

and potentially jail
Hillary Clinton;

temporarily ban Muslims
and immigrants

from terror-prone nations

from coming
into the United States.

- Okay--okay, stop.
Just stop.

'Cause it sounds like
you're reading

the to-do list
on Satan's refrigerator,

which--which, of course,
Satan no longer needs

now that hell has frozen over.

And--and while some
are arguing

that Trump might not have
meant all those things,

that leaves us
with two devastating options.

Either we just
elected a president

who didn't mean
a single word he said,

or we elected one
who did.

And it's impossible to know
which one.

Earlier tonight,
he did his first

major post-election interview

and he was asked
about Obamacare,

which, remember,
he had labeled "a disaster."

- When you replace it,
are you going to make sure

that people with preconditions
are still covered?

- Yes, because it happens to be
one of the strongest assets.

- You're gonna keep that?

- Also with the children
living with their parents

for an extended period,
we're gonna...

- You're gonna keep that?
- Very much try and keep that.

- Oh, okay.

So, uh, get ready
for a barely changed version

of Obamacare
called Trumpcare,

which sounds like
a health care plan

where doctors feel
your breast for lumps

whether you asked them to
or not.

But--but by the way,

don't get complacent

that he's going to keep
those aspects of Obamacare.

He might change his mind
on that again.

Trump is like
a Magic 8 Ball.

Every time you shake him,

he gives you a different answer.

And sometimes the answer
is just "Big League"

or "That's Some Body
On My Daughter, Right?"

So--so we have to take all
of Trump's promises seriously.

And the truth is,

they were not all
universally bad.

For instance, he ran on
a promise to "drain the swamp,"

cracking down on corruption

and ending the reign
of Washington insiders,

which sounds great.

So let's try
and be positive for a moment.

What are the early signs
on that?

- Some of the potential
cabinet members

that are being reported by CNN
that are under consideration:

Rudy Giuliani,
Newt Gingrich,

Chris Christie,
Reince Priebus.

- Right, so that's
the longtime head of the RNC,

a former Speaker
who entered Congress in 1979,

a former mayor
turned professional assh*le,

and a man whose name
is more synonymous with scandal

than Shonda f*cking Rhimes.

That is so swampy,

you're gonna need
to swap out "Air Force One"

for one of those
shallow-bottom boats

with a big fan on the back.

And the thing is,
it actually makes sense

for Trump to appoint people

with significant experience
in government.

Until a few days ago,

the highest office
he'd ever held

was on the 26th floor of
a shitty building on 5th Avenue.

But some of the people
he's bringing in

are horrifying.

His transition team includes
people like Ken Blackwell,

who has argued that
h*m* is a choice.

And he's named Myron Ebell
to lead his EPA transition team,

making him a front-runner
for administrator

despite this.

- The whole case
for global warming,

I believe, is silly.

And I believe the vast majority
of scientists

think it's silly.

And therefore,
I'm a little bit embarrassed

that I waste my time
on a silly issue.

[crowd groans]

- Okay, well, just,
first of all,

the vast majority
of scientists believe

humans are contributing
to climate change.

And secondly, this man

does not have a science degree.

He wouldn't even
be qualified to head

the Agency
of Baking Soda Volcanoes.

So how the f*ck
did we get here?

Well, clearly, there are
many possible answers

to that question,
uh, including

misleading forecasts
that bred complacency;

uh, a flawed candidate
who failed to appeal

to white, rural,
and working-class voters;

and--and this is
worth repeating--

deep racism
and/or indifference to it.

And for those,
including us,

who were shocked by Tuesday,

we're gonna be examining
all of this for years,

but for tonight,
let--let's look at just one

narrow element that may have
helped bring us here,

because it will be important
going forward,

and that is our media,

specifically, how a system
that is supposed

to catch a serial liar
failed.

And I'm not just referring
to mainstream TV news,

although some did wait
far too long

to take Trump seriously,

giving him billions of dollars'
worth of free media.

Uh, CNN, for instance,
sometimes

ran his speeches
almost in their entirety.

And their president,
Jeff Zucker,

now admits that might not
have been such a great idea.

- I'd say that if we made
a mistake last year,

it's that, uh,
we probably did put on

too many
of his campaign rallies

in the--
in those early months, uh,

un--you know, unedited,
and just let them run.

And I think, in hindsight,
we probably

shouldn't have
done that as much.

- Yeah, it turns out
hindsight,

much like the year
we're all now desperately

looking forward to,
is 20/20.

And--and that is--
that is not to say

that there wasn't
some great coverage

of Trump in this election
from outlets like

"The Washington Post"
and "The New York Times."

Even CNN
eventually pivoted

and began correcting Trump
in lower-third graphics,

such as "Trump: 'I Never Said
Japan Should Have Nukes'

[He Did]."

And that is good journalism.

If I gave a speech saying
I'm the sexiest man alive,

it would be fair
to tag that with,

"[Look at Him]."

Now, the--
[laughter and cheers]

That's--that's a mean joke
to laugh at.

But the problem is--

the problem is, the impact
of corrections like that,

which may have sunk
a candidate in another era,

was compromised,

because there is no longer
a consensus

on what a fact is.

Trust in mainstream media
outlets has been falling,

and people can choose
to get their news

from echo chambers
that validate their views.

And there is nothing
inherently wrong

with media that has a viewpoint.

This show has a viewpoint.

We fact-check
everything we say,

but I don't pretend
to be neutral

on things like
criminal justice reform--

I'm for it--

uh, Coldplay--
I'm against it--

uh, or DeWalt's ladders.

They're a seamless blend
of style and performance.

Walking up one
is like ascending to heaven

on a golden cloud.

I'm not being paid
to say that.

I'm just a fan.

But a healthy media diet

has to be broader than that.

And unfortunately,
the way that many of us

consume news now
is micro-targeted.

- The majority of Americans,


say they get their news
from social media.

According to Pew Research,


say they get news
specifically from Facebook.

- That's true.

News is now
one of the three things

that we get from social media,

the other two being
our entire sense of self-worth

and pictures of shaved alpacas.

And--and fake facts

circulate on social media
to a frightening extent.

You may have seen this quote
from Donald Trump online

about Republicans being dumb.

He never said that.

It's not true,

just as it's not true
that the pope

endorsed Trump,
because of course he didn't.

But that story was shared
almost a million times,

which is absurd.

Everybody knows

the candidate
the pope endorsed

was Joe Exotic.

They have
very similar views

on deregulating tiger preserves.

Please share this news
a million times.

But there is now
a whole cottage industry

specializing
in hyper-partisan,

sometimes wildly distorted
clickbait.

BuzzFeed News
researched sites like

Addicting Info, on the left,
and Freedom Daily, on the right,

both of which have over
a million followers on Facebook,

putting them in the same range
as "Anderson Cooper 360,"

and found that some of them
were publishing

many viral articles
containing flat-out falsehoods.

- Over two weeks,


on some Republican-leaning
Facebook pages

was partly or completely false,

compared to 19% of news

shared on some Democrat-leaning
Facebook pages.

- Yeah, and before you say,

"Well, Republicans
are twice as bad,"



And it is not news
that there is

misinformation on Facebook.

Just look
at the relationship status

"It's complicated."

The accurate version of that
would clearly be

"In three weeks I'll be single,
but I can't admit it yet."

But these sites can
warp your views pretty fast.

Your news feed may
have been full

of "The Times'"
and "The Post's" stories

about Donald Trump's
actual scandals,

but many Americans
logged on to Facebook

every day
and saw shit like this.

And this cesspool of nonsense
would be a problem anyway

were it not for the fact

that one of the people
in thrall to it

is our future president.

Back in March,
he claimed that a man

who had rushed the stage
at one of his rallies

had ties to !sis,

something that had
circulated online

and had been found
to be untrue.

And when that
was pointed out to him,

this was his response.

- There's no ties
to !sis for this man,

no law enforcement official,
and it--this video

that you linked to
appears to be a hoax.

- What do I know about it?

All I know is
what's on the Internet.

[laughter and groans]

- Okay.

Okay, okay.

Here's the--here's the thing:

being on the Internet
is not a high bar for accuracy.

If I edited Wikipedia to say

that Dianne Wiest's
real name

is Dianne Frosted Mini-Wiest,

our next president
would believe that to be true.

In fact,
during the campaign,

Trump routinely
used his platform

to share wildly incorrect
information.

And even fellow conservatives

tried to point out how resp--
irresponsible this was.

- You tweeted out that, um,

whites k*lled by blacks--

these are statistics
you picked up from somewhere--

at a rate of 81%.

And that's totally wrong.

Um, whites k*lled by blacks
is 15%.

- Hey, Bill, Bill,

am I gonna check
every statistic?

I've got millions and millions
of people--

@realDonaldTrump,
by the way--

- You got to; you're
a presidential contender.

You got to check.
- I have millions of people--

You know what?
Fine.

But this came out of radio shows
and everything else.

- Oka--okay--okay.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

"I got it from radio"

is maybe the weirdest
nonsense explanation

I've ever heard.

It's like if someone said,
"This sandwich tastes weird,"

and you said,
"But I found it in a hole.

"If there's something
wrong with it,

then what was it doing
sitting in a hole?"

And that is the evil genius
at work here.

Weird conspiracy bullshit
has always been

bubbling under the surface,
but Trump

was the first major candidate
to harness

and fully legitimize it.

And it's obvious in hindsight.

He came along
and told millions of people

every crazy email
you've ever forwarded was true.

And that, at least in part,

is why he will be
our next president.

And to their credit,
some Republican lawmakers

were calling him out on this
during the campaign.

- I'm gonna tell you what
I really think of Donald Trump.

This man is a pathological liar.

He doesn't know the difference
between truth and lies.

- He was right.

He was just right.

But before you think
Republicans might now

stand up to Trump,
I will remind you

that by the end
of the campaign,

Ted Cruz, like many others,
not only said

he'd vote for Trump

but was doing this.

- Hi, this is Ted Cruz calling.

Uh, I was calling
to encourage you

to come out and vote
on Election Day.

- Wow, that is hard to watch.

"Hi, uh, this is Ted Cruz.

"Just calling to remind you
to vote for a man

"who insulted my wife and said
my dad helped k*ll JFK.

"Anyway, uh,
life has no meaning.

"Thank you.
I want to die.

"Uh, take care now.
God is dead.

"Buh-bye.
Buh-bye.

"Buh-bye now.

Buh-bye."

[cheers and applause]

So there is very little
holding Trump back.

And remember, in January,

he will be sworn into office.

And there is another wave
of nausea for you.

It hits you in small ways
and large, doesn't it?

For instance, had you
considered the fact

that, uh, portraits of Trump

are going to be
hanging in our airports,

uh, or that the man who
disparaged a Gold Star family

will now be expected to comfort
the families of fallen soldiers?

And maybe you've tried
to make yourself feel better,

fantasizing that he might Google

"how much does
the president get paid?"

get depressed, and then resign.

But that is when you remember

Mike f*cking Pence,

who might be even worse

because he looks like
he's from the 1950s,

but he thinks like
he's from the 1650s.

"Oh, what's that you say?

"Her pregnancy was
terminated before birth?

"Well, clearly she's a witch.

"Hold a funeral for the fetus

and throw the mother
in a lake."

And I know
this is all depressing,

but it does bring us back
to the important question,

what the f*ck do we do now?

And for the record,

the answer is not
move to Canada.

Literally the only excuse
to ever migrate to Canada

is if you were
born there originally,

it's springtime,
and you are a goose.

That's it.

That is it.

[laughter and applause]

No, instead, we're go--

we're gonna need
to stay here and fight

and not just politically
in four years

when he's up for reelection

but constantly,
monitoring legislation

as it moves through Congress

and f*cking voting

when your legislators
come up for reelection

in two years.

But that is still

below the barest minimum

of what is going to be needed,

because for the last
eight years,

we've had a president
we could assume

would generally stand up
for the rights of all Americans.

But that is going to change now.

So we're gonna have to actively
stand up for one another.

And it can't be just
sounding off on the Internet

or sharing think pieces
or videos like this one

that echo around your bubble.

I'm talking about
actual sacrifice

to support people
who are now under threat.

So if you can afford
the time or money...

[cheers and applause]

Support organizations
that are going to need help

under a Trump administration.

Uh, for instance,
if you're concerned

about women's health,
donate to Planned Parenthood

or the Center
for Reproductive Rights.

Uh, if you don't believe
man-made global warming

is a silly issue,
uh, donate

to the National Resources
Defense Council.

If you don't think refugees

are a t*rror1st army
in disguise,

donate to the International
Refugee Assistance Project.

Oh, and, uh, also,

given these guys' track record,

I would also
recommend donations

to the NAACP Legal Defense Fund,

The Trevor Project
for LGBTQ youth,

and the Mexican American
Legal Defense and Education Fund

because that last one...

[cheers and applause]

Would be perfect
if your compassion for Latinos

goes beyond, say--
I don't know--

occasionally eating
a f*cking taco bowl.

And--and do check the box

for recurring donations
if you can

because this is not
a short-term problem.

And also,
just--just for a dash--

I'll give you just
a dash of fun here--

I will point out

if you have relatives
who supported Trump,

you can give money
in their name.

So consider your
holiday shopping this year done.

"Happy holidays, Nana.

The Trevor Project thanks you."

[cheers and applause]

And there is--
there's one more group

that I will single out
for help here,

and that is the press,

because as we've seen,
Trump is a masterful denier

of both reality
and responsibility.

He's a man who would
kick you in the nuts

and then tell you
that your penis did it.

So the press is going
to face challenges,

not just because
Trump's chief strategist

is Steve Bannon
of Breitbart News

but also because
of yet another promise

that Trump made.

- If I become president,
oh, do they have problems.

They're gonna have
such problems.

I'm gonna open up
our libel laws

so when they write
purposely negative

and horrible
and false articles,

we can sue them
and win lots of money.

[cheers and applause]

We're gonna open up
those libel laws.

- Okay.

Well, first,

there is no federal libel law

for Trump to "open up."

And as many
supposed recipients

of Trump's charitable gifts
might tell you,

you can't open something up

if it doesn't exist.

But--but that attitude
of punishing the press

is genuinely worrisome

now that he
is going to be president.

So instead of sharing
partisan memes

you found on
republigoofs.redneck

and democrappy.cuck,

you need to support
actual journalism

by buying a subscription
to outlets like "The Times"

or "The Post"
or your local newspaper

or donating to groups
like ProPublica,

a nonprofit which does
great investigative journalism.

The point is,

if we don't
get actively involved

to at least mitigate
Trump's damage,

things will not be okay.

And yes,
the sun will rise each day.

But the continuing
rotation of the Earth

should not be
your baseline expectation

of American society.

And I-I just need
to ask you one more thing.

It is gonna be too easy

for things
to start feeling normal,

especially
if you are someone

who is not directly
impacted by his actions.

So keep reminding yourself,

this is not normal.

Write it on a Post-it Note

and stick it
on your refrigerator.

Hire a skywriter
once a month.

Tattoo it on your ass.

Because a Klan-backed,
misogynist Internet troll

is going to be delivering the
next State of the Union address,

and that is not normal.

It is f*cked up!

And the only thing

that gives me
one degree of comfort

is that I think
part of Trump

might be realizing that
now too.

Just look at his face
after meeting with Paul Ryan

and getting a glimpse
of what this job

actually entails.

Here is the genuine audio
from that moment.

["Curb Your Enthusiasm"
theme music]

♪

[laughter and applause]

I feel the same.

Look, I don't know
what happens from here.

And this is actually
our final show of the year.

And normally,
on our last show,

we mash up elements
from the season

and we dance around
in the studio.

But that doesn't really
seem appropriate tonight,

not just because
of the election

but because 2016 has been
an uncommonly shitty year,

from the ongoing crisis
in Syria

to Zika, uh,

to Ryan Lochte
being a douche

to a seemingly endless string
of celebrity deaths,

including, just this week,
Leonard Cohen.

So we've put
something together

about how awful
this year has been.

We started it
a little while ago,

but it now feels
more prescient than ever,

because even though
this year

still has seven weeks left,
I'm calling it early,


the f*cking worst.

So thank you for watching,

and please enjoy this tribute

to a truly terrible year.

[elegant orchestral music]

Let's face it.


one calamity after another.

And while it will be remembered
for the giant calamity

we all just witnessed,

we shouldn't lose sight
of the other multiple ways

this has been a shitty year.

- If we could erase 2016
off the calendar,

it would be
perfectly good with me.

- Pretty rotten year if--

I think most people
would--would admit that.

- It totally blew.
It was awful.

- This world
is feeling scarier.

It's feeling
a little colder.

- For EU, it was
a really crappy year.

- The whole Brexit
was kind of a mess.

- Just a lot of, like,
hatred to a lot of groups.

I think--I think that's, like,
been the staple of this year.

- Syrian refugee crisis
is pretty terrible.

- Lots of, uh, sexism
being very blatant.

- I think it's
absolutely disgusting

what the city of Flint did
to--to its residents.

- The New York Jets suck.

The Yankees missed
the play-offs.

- I didn't like
Kevin Durant going to, um...

[laughs]
Going to Golden State.

[laughs]
That was a chicken-shit move.

- Some assh*le
stole my watch in Miami.

- I got broken up with.
That was pretty shitty.

- I had a girlfriend
for 3 1/2 years.

She broke up with me
about two months ago.

- My landlord
is a piece of shit.

- I met Bruce Willis
here, like, a week ago

and asked him for a picture
and he said no,

so that made me feel bad.

- My son is hitting puberty

and he's being
a real pain in the ass.

- I got, um, all mauled up
by a dog on my birthday,

so that was, like,
the cherry on top

of, like, a shitty year.

- Menopause.

- Never forget Harambe.

- If Harambe's out there
listening,

he took sh*ts for us;
we should take sh*ts for him.

- Too many deaths.

- Prince.
Prince is my man.

I miss Prince.

- Prince, I mean,
that was just...

♪

- I think the worst is the--
David Bowie's death.

- David Bowie.

What the f*ck?

- Bowie.

That was my big one.

- Phife Dawg, man.
Come on, man.

Shout out to--to Q-Tip, man.

♪

Tribe Called Quest,
I grew up on that.

- Muhammad Ali,
that was one of the biggest.

- What he represents
for black people in America,

that's a huge deal for me.

- "Float like a butterfly
and sting like a bee."

- Oh, God.
Gene Wilder.

- Alan Rickman.

f*cking Snape, dude.

- Oh, God, yeah.
- Yeah.

- Man.
- Yeah.

- This year did suck.

- f*ck 2016.

- f*ck you, 2016.

- f*ck you,


- f*ck 2016.

- f*ck you, 2016.

Bad year.
Shit year.

- 2016, this is for you.

- f*ck 2016.
f*ck it a lot.

- f*ck 2016.
And f*ck Donald Trump.

- f*ck 2016.

- CNN won't let me
say this on New Year's Eve,

but get f*cked, 2016.

- f*ck 2016!

- [speaking a foreign language]

- What is this, mayonnaise?

f*ck 2016!

- f*ck you, 2016.

- [barking]

- f*ck you, 2016!

- 2016, f*ck off.

- 2016...

falls well below
my standards of quality.

- f*ck 2016.

- f*ck you, 2016.

- Hey, 2016,

go punch yourself
in the d*ck.

- f*ck this year.

- f*ck you, 2016.

- f*ck you,


- f*ck you, John Oliver.

- Hey, 2016,

f*ck you!

And hey, 2017, f*ck you too!

I hate you already.

- f*ck you, 2016.
- f*ck 2016!

- You're asking me?

f*ck 2016!

all: f*ck 2016!

- 2016,
from the bottom of my heart,

go f*ck yourself.

- f*ck you, 2016.

f*ck you.

[slow-motion whoosh]

[ticking slows]

[choir singing
Beethoven's "Ode to Joy"]

♪

[slow-motion whooshing]

[cheers and applause]

♪

[dramatic thudding]

♪

That's our show.

Thanks so much for watching.

Let's all try harder next year.

Good night.

[cheers and applause]

["Ode to Joy" continues]

♪

[music fades]

[fire crackling]

[bright tone]