I still love the nightlife
and hang out in a bar.
I used to hit the bottom.
But then I hit a car.
Light up in a wheelchair, paralyzed for
life. Got money through a settlement to
see me through the strike. My attitude is
different now. My future is not so bleak.
I even got a mansion and throw it for
breaks. My life such as it is.
My life such as it is, such
as it is. My 7
friends are with me. They're brilliantly
to form. I got a girl called Franny, my
shuttle from the storm. Don't touch
everyone. It's a pity with the hard times
in the last without a leg to stand on, I
still managed to kick ass.
Ouch. Even I felt that. Got your mind on
something else today. What makes you say
that I'm paralyzed, not brain
dead. It's
nothing, really. Tell me the
problem so I can go back to imagining I'm
being massaged by a bikini babe. Instead
of a large gay Australian who thinks
Lycra is a fashion statement. It's Bruce
Bruce, the swimsuit model.
The guy I've been in love with since I
got off the plane. Oh, not this
again. He's finally dumped Chris.
Chris the astrologist.
Wonder if he saw it coming and he's
invited me to his 30th birthday
party. Have I missed the problem somehow?
Bruce is available, so go to his party
and throw yourself at his well manicured
feet. Oh, you don't get it. He likes men
who are attached, the ones he has to win
of somebody else. All Bruce doesn't sound
too deep. I've had deep give me
shallow and gorgeous.
Anytime.
If you
really want the swimsuit model with a
personality disorder.
Love is blind.
So find a date, pretend you two are an
item, and drive Bruce into a frenzy of
gay desire. I don't know who to
take. That's
Franny. She knows more gay men. She does
yoga positions. You're a
genius.
Spalding.
Spalding. Spalding.
Are you sure this Bruce is the one for
you?Absolutely. I know
he's vain, self-centered, negotistical,
but you could bounce 1/4 offhis abs.
How romantic. I'm so tired of being taken
for granted. Riley doesn't even notice
when I get my hair done. Do you think
you'll like my new outfit? Honey, show me
a straight guy who isn't turned on by an
undersized nurses uniform and an
oversized cleavage and I'll show you
someone who should have come out of the
closet a long time ago. It's
James on the bike, the guy I wanted you
to meet Go say hello.
Like 1,000,005, exceptfor
that bruise. How on earth O'Reilly bumped
me when I was kissing him? Oh, he's at
the lights. Toodles.
James. Riley was kissing you.
Sound like a big ass left hook.
Give it to give it to me.
Car. Just let her want it. You're coming
to time. That's fantastic. I tell you
what, giving you the time and I'll be
cheaper. Bus stop. So Franny
couldn't find you a date. It's amazing
the number of men who washed their hair
on a Saturday night. Go on your own, big
guy. You never know, the leopard might
have changed his spots. Bruce would never
wear spots. Hey
fellas, good news, my little
sisters coming for a visit. You
have a sister, the pride of the
family. A beautiful,
delicate flower, sweet as the morning dew
on a rose.
Where she stayed? Your place, of course.
No way She ate. Staying
in a dump like this. Good Lord
Almighty, A woman staying with us.
Do I look all right? We better get home.
The place is a mess. A woman.
Peggy, can you get your mind off Bruce
and on your job?I'd like to have a glass
of water please.
Great. I can see you're going to be
useless tonight.
Lefty Blazer Fontaine.
I need some help. Apparently
my physical therapist seems to need some
therapy of his own. Could you guys get me
ready for bed?Not so fast.
What's in it for us?
Yeah, when Grizz's sister gets here, I
won't tell her about the little incident
with the sheep and the bagpipes.
Allowed to be alone where I can mope in
peace.
Now they're the socks. Fontaine, you'll
have to do the top. I'm no good with
buttons.
You
didn't need that dangly thing, did you?
No, no, no, no, no. I mean the tube
attached to it. Fontaine, grab me the
fresh urine bag. Get this
thing off me.
Spalding.
Hallelujah. Hallelujah.
Howdy, I'm
Rohan.
And I need me a beer.
Sweet mother. God, she's the image of
Griz if he lived another 100 years and
didn't take such good care of himself.
So how was the trip? Did you have a nice
flight? I don't hold. We're flying. It's
a natural hell, wrote me a
lean little filler.
And rolled out at 20 miles to the
station. Oh, you took
the train? There were no passenger.
Trains are coming, so I shared a
box car with the stairs going to
market. Yeah, we can
tell.
Now make yourself useful and get me
another beer.
Where
do you think you're going, Tenderfoot?
Get little diet. Come on,
move it or lose it, puppy boy.
As I was saying about my trip, there
was one still I didn't like
and as I was getting hungry.
Looks like little sister's
been spreading her magic.
Thank you.
She's even more beautiful than I
remembered.
Go to sleep, you little beauty.
Rest the rest of the Angel. Oh yes,
mom used to do this for us. Said we were
like 2 peas in the pod, but I could never
see it.
Why will no one go out with me? I even
tried paying people. They're like that,
repulsive.
It's just that you look so desperate it
scares everybody off. I am desperate.
I need a date. You got the wrong
head, pal.
Lifting. May I
strongly suggest Fontaine? He's
tall, handsome, and very,
very dark.
No way a handsome buck like me
around all those men. Men.
Who closed the damn door?
Oh no, I won't be so
distracted. True, but
no, Franny would never understand. She
might appreciate the new, more sensitive
you. Why has she said something?
She has said you don't even notice when
she's been to the hairdresser. I didn't.
Big deal. And that it would really turn
her on if you got in touch with the
inner sensitive Riley. She said that
and that it makes her.
Heart to think of you doing me an
enormous favour.
No means no. And why is it gay men think
they have a monopoly on sensitivity?
Because God's like you don't show any.
Put yourself to bed. I'm going dancing.
Maybe I'll find somebody in clubland to
be my date.
There, now there's a
stallion that puts the rest of them
geldings to shame.
Oh,
that's you.
Sorry, I've been thinking. In these
past six hours and 37 minutes. I've been
waiting for you. Maybe I
can go as your date tomorrow night. You
do that for me? No, I do it
for me.
No hugging. And on the condition that
nobody tells Franny, Do you understand?
And that I don't have to be?
Physical with you. That's
rich coming from a guy who's Arthur Wah.
Don't push it. I'm only doing this so
you'll be my grateful, devoted, attentive
sl*ve. Oh
yes, master, I'll get it. Your every
desire. Your unspeakable perversions,
each twisted fetish.
I thought that was my job.
I just want my urine bag empty.
And my ass wiped.
It's going to be another beautiful day.
Just feel that heat.
Saw me a vision last night. Has saw me a
real man in this house
with the profile of a God,
the cultured voice of a
gentleman.
Couldn't have been me wrong, nimble
hands. And a
muscular chest big enough to get lost in,
yeah. Why
those cowboy pants he was wearing were
snuggled in a bear cub to his mom.
You mean Spalding? I wouldn't count on
him. He uses his fork from the wrong side
of the plate. I don't mind if his man is
a bad. He's
sexually challenged, but I'll teach him a
thing or two. Yeah, he's not
attracted to women. He hasn't met this
one. He's gay. He has
sex with men.
Well, ain't that a teapot calling a
kettle black, even if he's that way
inclined. Woman enough to
bring them back to the fold.
If you think I'm going in there.
Bruce isn't around anyway. Spalding old
fellow. Hi,
alone again. Oh
no. This is Riley, my fiance. We
were just going for a dip.
Oh sweet. Hey,
Jocelyn loves going down
and staying there.
Lucky you. When's the big day?
Soon it won't be at all if you drown him.
Oh.
What do you want?Now
Franny, He and Spalding are out
partying.
No, I don't think so. It's boys only,
if you know what I mean.
You didn't. I didn't. We didn't. I'm
not on my own. Bruce helped. It
was my pleasure. I can assure you it's
not every day I get to give the kiss of
life to someone else's fiance.
I'll see you later.
Wasn't it the great night? Bruce was
totally captivated. He couldn't keep his
eyes off us. Get out. Get out.
Bruce, you followed me home
you red hot half thing. What will
my fiance think?
I'm sorry, Spalding Eye. Is he
neglecting you, That naughty boy? I don't
mind lending a hand or other body
parts if you'd like.
You won't be needing these.
What O'Reilly?
Oh, Bruce.
Move those feet, boy. Now on that
ball and pool, we are a man.
No more outside sale for you.
Oh,
that road. She could turn
any man's head.
There, You and I paint the town red
tonight, honey.
Playing hard to get. I like that.
I should be understanding Jeanette
O'reilly's experimenting with his
sexuality. I shouldn't stand in this
way. No, he's never stood in mine.
What about Spalding? Oh, fiddlesticks. I
can have him anytime I want, but I'm not
gay. I have a girlfriend. Oh.
Where is she Hiding? Under the bed Or
maybe in the closet? Peekaboo.
I should let him go and and if he loves
me he'll come back and and.
You seemed so devoted the way you clung
on to him. It got me hot.
He was drowning me. Spalding is my friend
too, so there's no reason to feel
threatened.
Who am I kidding? Nobody touches my
man Riley.
I felt the Earth move, and we haven't
even begun. Who wants to
pitch and who wants to catch?
Both of you.
Tart cheating on me and Spalding
and you.
Freddie, you've done something to your
hair.
I want you to stand that attention.
Yeah, that's not what I
mean.
Spalding.
Chris, if I'd known you were this hard to
get, I would have back out and reach for
the sky.
That's quite a rattlesnake you've got
down there, partner. I.
OK, OK, I'll get your breakfast.
Wake up. Time for a hangover,
My head. Mom. Health.
My God, tell me I
didn't. Last
night with.
Rawhide. All right,
balding, you go, girl. It
couldn't have been that bad.
I take that back. And you, with
my Bruce. You're paralyzed, slut. Nothing
happened. That's what he wants us to
believe.
You sure know how to disappoint a
Philly. What do you mean I didn't? I
was as oiled as an armadillo in a grease
pit and you passed out on me.
I'm so happy.
Come on, little sis, we'll have that
beautiful bacon that they do at the boss
depot. You're
going. He means bon
voyage. Yeah, I'm going
back to Texas, where man, oh man, and
cattle prods have a legitimate use.
Y'all come again. Reassume you here.
Nothing happened, you know, with
Spaulding or with Bruce. With neither.
Oh, maybe not this time, but your
subconscious was just expressing its
feminine side. I'm already in touch with
my feminine side. It's you.
Not so sweet, I'm gonna
vomit.
Get him now.