04x11 - Don't I Know You?

[bunniefuu]

Mark twain said, "you can't depend on your eyes

When your imagination is out of focus."

Seeing isn't necessarily believing.

A lot of people think they see ufos,

But it could be a satellite

Or a meteorite

Or just marsh gas tricking your eyes.

And what about david copperfield's vanishing elephants?

I don't know how he does it,

But my guess is he really doesn't.

So if you think you see something unexplainable,

Chances are it's your brain

Playing tricks on your eyes,

Or what I like to call o.b.c.-- Optical brain cloud.

I've always been able to trace the unexplainable

Back to o.b.c., Until now.

Check this out. I found it in the attic.

If that's my brain playing tricks on my eyes,

Then we're all in trouble.

Isn't this a patty duke moment?

♪ Na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na

♪ All right, all right ♪

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na

♪ Way cool

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ All right, all right ♪

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na

♪ Way cool

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na

♪ Just do it ♪

O.k. I've carefully examined the painting.

Here's what I've found so far.

From her outfit, I think we're talking s.

Here's the flapper hat,

And check out the scarf with the "cl" monogram.

I wonder what the "c" stands for.

The sign says, "theatre,"

And she's not going in the front,

So she's not a customer.

Maybe madame cl's a famous actress

With loyal fans who flock to see her death scene.

Oh, zounds! Oh, curse! Oh, pox! Oh, fie!

Isn't it a pity it's time for me to die?

Oh, well.

[Applause]

If all the world's a stage, I have to wonder.

Who is she?

I'm heading over to the cleaners.

Do you have anything?

There's my pink blouse.

What pink blouse?

It was white before being cleaned.

Where did you dig up this?

I haven't seen it in years.

I found it in the attic. Who is it?

She would be your great-great- aunt, once removed.

Seeing you next to her,

You could be twins.

Or at least identical cousins.

If I remember correctly, she was a famous dancer.

Wow. Like you?

She was a little more accomplished.

Your grandmother told me she caused a sensation in paris.

Paris? Like france? Mon dieu.

Her journal's floating around somewhere.

Try the attic again.

Cool. I will.

Hey, mrs. Darling.

Hi, olivia.

Clarissa, bring your blouse.

Who painted that picture of you?

It's not me.

It's my great-great-aunt somebody from paris.

Mon dieu.

Mom says she was a famous dancer.

Is she alive? Maybe she can help me.

With what?

My dance routine for the talent show.

You and rikki are going to do that hip-hop routine.

Were going to.

Uh-oh. What's with the past tense?

Rikki went to her uncle bernie's tanning salon

And charbroiled her backside so bad

She can't even walk.

Now I don't have a partner.

You're kidding.

I'll never b*at cindy sparkle now.

Eew, cindy sparkle actually vaselines her teeth

So she's always smiling.

The girl who buys out

The entire glitter section of paymart

To make her costume.

The girl who wins every single year.

Remember when she juggled those lollipops

On her unicycle

While whistling hooray for hollywood?

She made star cookies for the judges. Please.

I thought with rikki, I might stand a chance, but now...

Don't let cindy sparkle intimidate you.

Just find somebody else.

It's not that simple.

You'd make anybody look good.

Who wouldn't dance with you?

You wouldn't.

Yes, I would.

Great. We start practice tonight.

Psych. Come on, clarissa.

You're a good dancer.

Yeah, I like it, but--

You're great, dancing at parties and stuff.

That's parties and stuff. You're not onstage.

You know how I love getting onstage.

Clarissa, look at her.

Performing is in your genes.

It's a recessive trait.

We've got to b*at cindy sparkle this year.

Well, I would like to b*at cindy sparkle,

If only to make her shut up.

All right.

Thanks. Come to my place later.

Me, dancing onstage?

Well, it is to help a friend.

C'est la vie.

Let me get this straight.

You're in the talent show?

Ed mcmahon, duck and cover.

Swallow your fork.

I want to get it on the calendar.

You don't want to come.

Sure we do, sport.

My daughter's dance debut-- I wouldn't miss it.

Me, neither, mom.

What if she falls off the stage?

She needs me there for moral support.

Sorry. No animals allowed in the theatre.

Marshall, did you remember

To make an appointment with lester lesherling?

Uh... No, not yet, janet.

Marshall, you said you were going to call.

I was just, uh...

Procrastinating?

Waiting for the right moment.

Lester lesherling? Who's he?

Our accountant.

From hell.

Your father doesn't like his style.

The man's monstrous. He's the mussolini of taxes.

I'd rather get a root canal any day.

Why go, then? Life's too short.

Clarissa's right.

What? What?

I love that sound.

In fact, you owe it to yourselves

To change, and I know just the man.

Oh, sure.

Absolutely.

Why don't you let someone else prepare your taxes?

Someone who will keep your best interests at heart.

Someone like you, for example.

Now that you mention it, that's not a bad idea.

Oh, come on, ferguson.

Dad, why not?

You mess up with your taxes,

You can get fines, even go to jail.

Ah, let him do it.

No, I'd be the one going to jail.

Oh. Then bad idea.

We have to do something.

Should we just get lester?

Anything but that. I'll even do them myself.

You haven't done our taxes for years.

Dad, at least let me help. I speak money's language.

Ferguson, tax law is a very complicated thing.

Don't I know it,

And they change it every year.

Remember when you could take a client to lunch

And deduct the whole thing?

You mean...i can't do that anymore?

Dad, quit kidding around.

Yeah...right...

I guess it wouldn't hurt

To let him look over my shoulder.

It's settled.

Put your trust in h & r ferg.

Leave the worrying to me.

That's not exactly what I had in mind.

Ferguson helping with taxes?

Maybe dad will get to design our poorhouse.

Looks great!

Thanks, sam.

If your names were hanging in midair,

I'd have sworn it was mtv.

Thanks. Whew. That's a workout.

Made my stomach feel a little funny, though.

It's probably butterflies.

That... Or the burrito I had.

But we're looking good.

I have to get that one move down.

We've still got two days.

Think we'll b*at cindy sparkle?

I don't think, I know.

I better get going.

Tomorrow we'll work on our costumes.

Bye.

Bye, olivia.

That's cool.

Have you figured out what her act was?

I haven't had five minutes

To even look for her journal.

I wonder what made her sensational.

I don't know, but all of paris took notice.

History's going to repeat itself.

You've even got cindy sparkle spooked.

I went by the auditorium.

Guys were unloading her fog machine.

Ah, she can blow smoke. We've got the real heat.

♪ Na na na na na ♪

You did what?

I made a bet. It wasn't for money.

Yeah, but I never figured you

For the gambling type.

I'm not, but when I saw cindy sparkle bragging--

"Of course I'll win.

There's just no competition"--

I just had to do something.

What did you bet?

If she wins, we'll be her backup dancers next year.

Yikes.

But that will never happen.

Here's the upside.

When we win, she's to congratulate us

Publicly, in front of the cafeteria,

In song.

That ought to hit her in the ego.

It's in the bag.

I guess.

That attitude didn't help my great-aunt take paris by storm.

Dad, you know you won $

From mr. Soaperstein at the poker game.

So?

The law says declare every penny.

He won everything back next week.

Oh, gambling losses. This will take a while.

Ferguson's helping your dad with the taxes?

If ferguson gets dad mad,

He'll have one less dependent to worry about.

[Telephone rings]

Hello.

Oh, hi, olivia.

You what?

You what?

You what?

No. No, no, it's not your fault.

Don't be silly. Stay in bed.

All right. Feel better.

Bye, olivia.

That didn't sound so good.

Olivia's sick. She can't dance.

What?

Looks like I have something else

In common with my great-aunt.

I'm a solo act.

O.k. I was getting a little freaked out

About having to go solo in the talent show,

But I found something that will help.

This is my great-aunt's journal.

Since she was a dancer,

Maybe she wrote down some show-stopping hints.

It's in french, but I'm doing o.k.

Her name was coco lancome,

And coco's story makes better headlines

Than anything I could ever have imagined.

Item. Paris.

Young dancer coco lancome lights up gay paris

With her star-making turns.

Now, there goes a girl who's always on her toes.

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's coco lancome,

Thrilling millions with her derring-do dance

High above the everyday world.

Up, up, and a-way to go, coco!

And as the sun comes up, coco's still not down.

Dancing and romancing with the prince of monaco

Is all in a day's play for this belle of the ball.

Coco makes her mark in the air, on the ground,

And in the hearts of her countless fans.

Coco's journal makes for good reading,

But it hasn't helped with this talent show.

[Thump]

Hi, sam.

Hey, clarissa. What's that book?

It's my aunt coco's journal.

Coco, huh? Cool name.

Bet she had some wild times.

You don't know the half of it.

She had fame, love, talent.

She could have beaten cindy

With one leg behind her back.

You still have a chance.

Make that half a chance.

Watch me do this by myself.

If it's lousy, tell me.

I'm sure it'll be great.

Well, does the routine still work?

Clarissa, it's really lousy.

Sam!

It's just all that dead space in between.

That's when olivia would dance.

It looks like you're waiting for a bus.

O.k.

Nothing's happening.

O.k., Sam.

It seems to take forever.

O.k. Enough with the honesty already.

Sorry...

I thought it was great.

If only I could find someone else.

No. Don't even think about it.

What?

Clarissa, you and I

Are not doing a dance routine.

You're half right, sam.

Thanks to my bet with cindy sparkle,

I guess I'll dance my part and olivia's part myself.

Nice little setup you've got here.

Very professional.

Thanks, dad. Come in.

Have a complimentary cup of coffee.

[Typing]

Don't touch that!

I'm sorry.

You'll upset my system.

I said you could look over my shoulder,

Not take over.

Oh, sure, dad. You're in control.

I'm just organizing.

Shall we start with charitable contributions?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-uh.

Denied.

What do you mean?

That's for public television. $.

Did you receive a tote bag?

No, an album of show tunes.

And have you accounted for its cash value?

You can't slip it past me.

Don't try uncle sam.

Hey, guys. What's up?

My tax bracket, apparently.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

No! Outta here!

What's wrong with this?

I brought my art supplies

By the children's museum.

What's the cash value?

That's written right here.

In your handwriting... Denied!

Let me get something straight.

I thought the whole point of avoiding lester lesherling

Was to not get abused.

This is all to avoid embarrassing moments later.

Isn't it better hearing the truth

From someone you love?

O.k. Come on.

I'll go through these piles again.

Then we'll look at the totals

With less venom.

If you think this is painful, try getting audited.

Would you rather have a pencil-pushing social outcast

Chew you up and spit you out or me?

Is this a trick question?

I just got in from rehearsal.

As my great-aunt coco might have said,

The news is kind of comme ci, comme ca.

First there was bobby slacklater,

Who took / minutes to play the minute waltz.

It looked kind of painful. Didn't sound too hot, either.

[Funeral dirge plays]

Then stinky roman stancati favored the school

With his unique comedy stylings.

So this guy walks into a bar

With a pig under each arm,

So I bit him. No. No. Wait. Wait.

Believe it or not, stinky was leading the pack.

My act started to look good

By the process of elimination.

Then cindy sparkle hit the stage.

[Patriotic music plays]

Who could believe

She'd bring tears to the janitor's eyes

With her bold, patriotic performance?

When she whipped out the george and martha washington puppets

Her dad made, I thought I'd puke.

As for me, I did my thing-- actually, our thing.

Let's face it. I'm going to lose to cindy sparkle.

I can't compete with that fog and glitter.

Should I even go through with it?

[Turns on music video]

I wonder what aunt coco would do.

June th. Having finished my final performance

And packing my valise, I feel free and unfettered

[In unison] and ready to begin my life anew

On a project whose creative potential I can only imagine.

Aunt coco?

[French accent] you are expecting perhaps inspector clouseau?

It's just you usually don't

Find your dead aunt watching mtv.

I'm enjoying your cinema.

Actually, it's called television.

This is how you change channels,

Or channel surf, as we call it.

Ooh la la.

See, people have shorter attention spans now

Than when you were performing.

[Switching channels without pausing]

You've got the hang of it.

This is crazy.

When I perform my most famous dance,

It was almost three hours.

But didn't you have colorful sets and costumes

And even live birds?

That was the plan,

But the truck with my equipment, she broke down,

And I arrive at the paris opera with nothing,

And I do my dance on bare stage with onlymoi.

You're kidding.

Coco is never zee kidder.

The critics say, "coco was so avant-garde,"

But really coco had no accessories.

I can't believe it.

Believe it.

The sets and costumes and live birds are nice,

But all you need is confidence.

I guess that makes sense.

Mais oui.the rest, she is pillow stuffing.

Wow.

Hi, sam.

Hi, clarissa. What's up?

Um...nothing.

So how did rehearsal go?

About as bad as I expected.

You're not dropping out?

I thought about it, but who wants cindy sparkle to win?

I'll do my act.

Great!

In fact, I can't wait to do my act.

You're kidding.

Sam, clarissa is never zee kidder.

Ferguson, do we really have time for this?

We have to leave for your sister's show.

I think you'll be impressed with my thoroughness.

How much do we get back?

Does the word "payment" mean anything to you?

Uh, according to my statistical analysis,

You owe the government...

$,? Oh, that's impossible.

That's more than we make.

Well, I checked everything twice.

Ferguson.

I guess there could be bugs in the program

Or a virus.

Looks like brain damage.

We appreciate your wanting to help prepare our taxes.

You can save the speech about how I'm too young.

I thought you were giving the speech

About having an attitude.

I like to call it professionalism.

We're returning you to amateur status.

Is it time for plan b?

Did you cut out that ad for tax crafters?

The one that guarantees a one-hour encounter

With a faceless accountant

We never see again?

Got it right here.

We'll go tomorrow.

Ready, sport?

Ready as I'll ever be.

Break a leg.

Yeah, do. We could use the medical deductions.

Hi, olivia. Good luck tonight.

Thank goodness I caught you.

Shouldn't you be in bed?

It was a -hour bug. We're on hour .

I feel good now, but I'll feel better

When we kick cindy sparkle's butt.

Still got the moves?

Sure do.

, , .

, , , , , , , .

We still got it.

Great. Let's go give it to cindy sparkle.

♪ Na na na na na ♪

This part's hard to translate,

But it talks about friends, food, and travel.

Nothing about her innovative performing?

Nothing here.

Think she quit?

Performing? Maybe. Being innovative? No way.

She sounds cool.

Yeah. Are you going to play with that all night?

I love it. Second place.

Too bad we lost.

But cindy sparkle didn't win.

Who would have guessed bobby slacklater

Could play his minute waltz in seconds?

That's show biz. We nailed the routine.

You were better than in practice.

What got into you?

I don't know. Call it...

[French accent] inspiration.

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ All right, all right

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na

♪ Way cool

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na

♪ Way cool

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na... ♪