[upbeat music]
♪
- They say you can do anything if you put your mind to it.
and I believe it.
I mean, people do incredible things
when they really commit themselves.
But imagine how much commitment it must take
to do something like take a vow of silence.
One slip of the lip...
- [stubs toe] Ow! That hurts!
- ...and you're back to where you started.
[choral music]
♪
And what about those people
who brave the rigors of space travel?
Even the simplest activities require determination
when you're out of this world.
And it takes months of patience
to build a ship in a bottle.
[lightning cracks]
You lose concentration for even a minute,
and you're sunk.
[glass shatters]
Commitment takes staying power.
It can be here today, gone tomorrow.
When the going gets tough,
so can your determination to do something.
That's the trouble with commitment.
You have to be so...
well, committed.
- ♪ Na, na, na-na-na
♪ Na, na, na, na, na
♪ All right, all right
♪ Na, na, na, na, na
♪ Na-na-na, na, na, na
♪ Way cool
♪ Na, na, na-na-na
♪ Na, na, na, na, na
♪ All right, all right
♪ Na, na, na, na, na
♪ Na-na-na, na, na, na
♪ Way cool
♪ Na, na, na-na-na
♪ Na, na, na, na, na
♪ Na-na-na, na, na, na
♪ Just do it
- Mom, Clifford's coming over.
Can I ask him to stay for dinner?
- Again?
- Of course he can stay.
- Wait a minute.
What are we having?
- What difference does it make?
- Huh, because he vacuums the table every time he's here.
You know, I just think it would be better
if I knew exactly which food is mine
so there's no gray areas.
Individual potpies--good.
Fried chicken--bad.
- It's kidney bean and kelp goulash.
- Oh.
Let the kid stay.
- Mom, do we have any watermelon?
- It's a little out of season, Ferguson.
- You don't even like watermelon.
- I know, but I was thinking of spitting a seed feet,
of course, I could do always something else.
- What's this?
- "The Guinness Book of World Records."
- You're trying to get in "The Guinness Book of Records"?
- Maybe.
- Aren't you already in there as the world's biggest geek?
- No, I believe you already hold that title.
- Don't you have to have some highly specialized talent
to get in that book? - Not necessarily.
Some of the records just require stamina.
For instance, well, I could...
push a hospital bed , miles.
Of course, that would require
taking a small hiatus from school.
- Yeah. Forget it.
- Okay, well, I could...
Aha, I could kiss , women in an -hour period.
- You can't even get a date.
- Well, I'm holding out for the female version Clifford,
but they're still thawing her out of a glacier.
- Ferguson, even if you do break some record,
how will you get in the book?
- The Guinness people are coming
to town in three weeks.
McCormick's Diner is making
the world's biggest BLT sandwich.
- How big can a BLT be?
- They're applying the mayonnaise with a hose.
- Yuck!
- Well, instead of trying to break someone else's record,
why not create a whole new one?
- Hmm. Like what?
- Oh, I don't know.
Maybe you could make something.
- Hmm. That would cost money.
- Try to use things you can get free.
- Yeah, like chewed gum. Here you go.
- [groans] - Psych!
[doorbell rings]
Oh, it's Clifford. I'll get it.
- Here, save yourself a trip.
- Thanks.
Hi, Clifford. - Hi.
- Guess you don't want any of these.
- Are you kidding?
I'm trying to bulk up for wrestling.
- But I thought wrestlers wanted to lose weight.
- Yeah. But I'm a heavyweight.
I need every ounce I can get.
It's all about squashing the other guy.
- You'll do great. - I don't know.
This weekend, I have to wrestle
Jimmy "the sperm whale" Norton.
He can eat an entire case of pudding cups.
- That is kind of scary.
- He's the man to be.
So you'll be there on Friday, right?
- Friday? But I thought you wrestled Saturdays.
- They rescheduled.
Seniors have to take their SATs on Saturdays.
So you'll be there?
- Well, sorry, Clifford,
but I kind of made plans to go to a vampire movie marathon.
- Can't you go another time?
- It's only playing one night.
- You're k*lling me here.
- I can't believe you're not coming.
I mean, I'm facing off with the sperm whale.
I got to go. - Wait!
Don't you wanna stay for dinner?
- No. I can't eat now.
What are you having?
- Goulash, and I think I saw my mom making mashed potatoes.
- Mm-no.
This is bigger than carbos.
I mean, I need a little commitment here.
[rock music]
♪
- Commitment?
Wow.
Clifford passing up spuds?
He must be upset, but I mean,
watching two guys in skintight underwear
sweating on each other--
I could go the rest of my life without seeing that.
Hey, isn't it enough
that I come to his wrestling matches at all?
What is this talk about commitment?
I've been trying to figure this Clifford thing out.
I mean, we go out sometimes.
I like him.
But commitment?
What did Clifford mean?
He couldn't have meant going steady...
Could he?
Nah.
Hi, Sam.
[twangy guitar chords]
- Hey, Clarissa.
I need your opinion on something.
- sh**t.
- Manual or electric?
- Manual or electric what?
- Razors.
- You're shaving?
- Well, a man's got to do what a man's got to do.
- So what's the problem?
- See, if I go with the electric razor,
I'm not sure I can get that really clean, close shave.
But with a manual razor, I risk mutilating my face.
- Live dangerously, go with the blade.
Okay.
So you're getting you psyched about the movie marathon?
- Sure.
- You don't sound psyched.
- Clifford's mad at me
because I'm missing his wrestling match.
He says he wants more commitment.
- You mean he wants to go steady?
- Of course not.
At least I don't think so.
- Well, what else could he mean?
- I don't know.
- Commitment's a pretty big word.
- Maybe he doesn't know what it means.
So you want to come to the drugstore with me?
I've got to pick up
some shaving cream, skin toner, aftershave.
- No, thanks.
But, Sam, stay away from musk.
- Will do.
- What would it mean to be Clifford's one and only?
The possibilities for claustrophobia are endless.
For instance,
what would Clifford's vision of coupledom be?
[sports broadcast]
What if things worked out too well,
and he became a family fixture?
- Touchdown!
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
[cheering]
- How have you been?
- And worst of all,
would every other guy in the world
treat me like the plague?
The more I think about this commitment thing,
the more I think I need to think about it.
- So after several false starts,
I've come upon an awe-inspiring yet inexpensive
and totally original record-breaking scheme.
- Ah, what's that, Ferguson?
- Ladies and gentlemen, I give you one Ferguson Darling
and his amazing rubber-band ball.
- Wow. Alert the media.
- Isn't that a little small, Ferguson?
- Oh, well, now it is, but in a few weeks,
it will be the world's largest rubber-band ball in the world.
- Rubber trees around the world are trembling.
- Oh, they should be.
- Yeah, where'd you get all those rubber bands, Ferguson?
- Oh, well, these, I got from your desk
and from your newspaper and from your blueprints.
- You took those off my blueprints?
- Oh. Don't worry, Dad,
I replaced them with Clarissa's hair thingies.
- Hey, I need my hair thingies, weaselboy.
- Ferguson, just because you're pursuing a goal
doesn't mean you can take whatever you want.
- Oh, Mom, I thought you'd appreciate my dedication.
- I do.
Anything worth having takes commitment.
But ask next time, okay?
- Yes, Mom.
- Commitment-- what's the big rush?
- What does that mean, sport?
- Well, like a lot of girls in my class are going steady.
But I say why tie yourself to one person?
Isn't that like only eating one flavor of ice cream?
- Well, when I was your age,
I felt pretty much the same way.
I was a real flavors kind of guy.
But as I got older,
I realized if I focused on one ice cream,
let's call it rum raisin,
that I could learn every nuance of the flavor,
every bump and every raisin,
and that it would always be there for me in the freezer,
and, hey, it would be happy to see-
- Dad.
Thanks, Dad.
- Right. Okay.
Well, all those talks about ice creams
made me kind of hungry.
You guys want some? - Ah, not right now, Dad.
- No, thanks.
- I'm glad to see
you aren't thinking of going steady.
- What's it to you?
- 'Cause who would you go steady with?
Clifford?
- What if I did? - Are you crazy?
Encourage him, and he might never go away--
going steady today,
engaged next week,
married by the end of the year.
- What do you know? - Okay, it's your life.
Oh, I got to go, I'm soliciting rubber bands door-to-door.
- What if going steady really did lead to marriage?
What if I ended up as Mrs. Clifford?
[ominous music]
[warbling music]
Darling, I wish you would eat a little more quietly.
- Dear, you know I have to bulk up
for the pro wrestling championships.
Hey, I'm Clifford "the glutton" Spleenhurfer.
If I'm weighing under ,
they'll laugh me out of the stadium.
- Oh, cupcake,
I wish you hadn't dropped out of school to turn pro.
- But, bunny feet, it's my career.
[belches]
[sighs]
Excellent bulk shake, my peach.
Could I have another?
- But, lamb chop,
I'm just getting ready to go to the movie marathon.
- Tonight?
But I'm wrestling my Nemesis the sperm whale tonight.
Hey!
I need a little commitment here.
[baby crying]
- A future with Clifford?
No. I don't think so.
I think he's overcommitted to this commitment thing.
So I better get committed to setting him straight.
- ♪ Na na na-na na
♪ Na na na-na-na
♪ Na-na na-na na na
♪ Na-na na-na na na
[upbeat music]
♪
- Okay, here's what's been happening.
I told Clifford I thought we should cool it,
you know, not go out.
He was pretty upset.
In fact, he said he didn't even want to be friends,
but he'll come around.
Hi, Sam.
- Hey, Clarissa.
Look, I found my foam.
- Rain forest whip?
- It's safe for the environment
and smells like bananas.
- Yum.
- Now all I have to do is decide on my new look.
Compared to the guys in these magazines,
I'm kind of tame.
Maybe I should grow a goatee
or shave my sideburns in lightning bolts.
- Nothing personal, Sam,
but you don't have any sideburns.
- Oh, yeah.
Maybe I'll just stick to clean-shaven.
- That's the ticket.
- So how's life without Clifford?
- Good.
Being foot-loose and fancy-free agrees with me.
- Well, Clifford's adjusted.
- Really?
- You haven't heard about him and Kiki Nibbleman?
- Kiki Nibbleman? Kiki Nibbleman?
Pep squad captain, queen of the bake sale?
She's not Clifford's type.
I mean, she's nothing like me.
- She never misses a wrestling match.
- Great.
Thrown over for a girl with a megaphone.
- I thought you were through with Clifford.
I am.
I mean, I don't want to go steady with him.
- Well, Kiki does.
- What? They're not going together.
- Not yet.
But Kiki's telling everyone
she's gonna get Clifford to go steady with her.
- Well, better her than me.
I mean, I'm not just cut out for this steady stuff.
- That's what Kiki says.
- What?
- She says you're too fickle to commit to one person.
- Fickle? Me?
That's crazy.
- Come on, Clarissa. This is Kiki Nibbleman.
No one takes her seriously.
- I know. But that really ticks me off.
I mean, I could commit to a hundred guys if I wanted to.
Where's my yearbook?
Here.
Pick a guy--any guy.
- What are you talking about?
- If Kiki Nibbleman can do it, I can do it.
It's just a question of putting my mind to it.
Here. I'll do it.
Bobbie Slacklater. Perfect.
I'll go steady with him.
- You're not serious.
- Totally serious.
- Come on, Clarissa.
You don't have anything in common
with Bobbie Slacklater.
I mean, look.
- So he's the treasurer of the future historians
of American Club,
plays French horn in the marching band,
and is the Pakistani representative in model UN.
So what?
- So the guy's got a busier schedule
than the pope.
And you're not into any of that stuff.
- Not important, Sam.
What's important is my ability to commit.
- Well, if you're going steady with someone
just because you're jealous,
you ought to be committed.
- Jealous? Who said I'm jealous?
- What do you call it?
- Just responding to a challenge, Sam.
That's all.
Now, I've got to crank out a romance, and fast.
Well, Bobbie Slacklater was agreeable to us
becoming an item.
I mean, with his busy schedule,
he was glad to find a girl friend
with so little effort.
So today, at lunch,
when Clifford sat next to Kiki,
Bobbie and I were seen drinking
one soda with two straws.
And then when Clifford passed Kiki a not in study hall,
I didn't even notice.
I was too busy helping Bobbie fluff his turban.
- No!
Oh, thank goodness you're still alive.
- You better be careful with that thing, Ferguson,
or someone could lose an eye. - I don't know what happened.
It must have just slipped from my arms.
- Interesting. Even latexes is repulsed by you.
[doorbell rings]
- Oh, that's for me.
Is that all you could find?
I thought your sister wore braces.
- She does, sir.
But when she found that I was taking her rubber bands,
she gave me a pink belly.
- Are you a man or mouse?
- A man, sir, but she's an eighth-grader.
- And what about you?
- No excuses, sir. I just failed.
- Uh-huh. Look, a deal's a deal.
You give me rubber bands, I give you old book reports.
Capisce? both: Yes, sir!
- Now get out there and find me some bands.
- Well, you've really sunk to an all-time low--
extorting children.
- It's not extortion when there's a fair exchange.
Look what I have for you, my precious.
[snap] [shrieks]
Lame old rubber band.
- Looks like your ball has outgrown its bands.
- It can't have.
It can't.
What am I going to do?
- Give it up?
- Fat chance.
There must be bigger rubber bands out there,
bigger, better bands
that won't break under pressure.
And Iwillfind them.
- Well, at least it keeps him off the streets.
I better get going.
I found out Kiki's helping Clifford
build the wrestling team's float
for the homecoming parade.
So guess who'll be with Bobbie at the homecoming dance.
Well, it turns out Bobbie isn't much of a dancer.
Ow!
But seeing us together really got to Clifford.
So it was worth it, I guess.
Or is it?
I mean,
the truth is I kind of miss Clifford.
I don't know what I'm trying to prove anymore.
Hi, Sam.
- Hey, Clarissa.
Well, what do you think?
- About?
- My face. Pretty smooth, huh?
- Well, to tell you the truth, Sam,
it kind of looks the same.
- Oh, man.
You mean you don't notice any difference?
- Well, you smell like bananas,
and you have a nick on your chin.
- Oh, great. The final indignity.
I don't even know why I bother.
- Yeah. That makes two of us.
Ow! - What happened?
- The homecoming dance.
- You went to the homecoming dance?
Clarissa, that doesn't seem like you.
- I know.
I'm using more energy getting to Clifford
than I ever used being with him.
Maybe I just should have gone steady with him
in the first place.
- Well, is that what you want?
- No. I don't know what I want.
All I know is I wanna make that decision
when I'm ready to.
And I don't want Clifford, or Kiki,
or even me pressuring me to do it.
- So?
- So I'm calling Clifford.
Maybe we can work things out before my feet give out.
[doorbell rings]
I'll get it.
Hi. - Hi.
- Want to come in?
- Are those for... anyone?
- Sure. - Thanks.
So you wanted to talk.
- Yeah. Where have you been lately?
- You're the one who blew me off.
- Look, Clifford, I didn't want to,
I just didn't know how to tell you that
I don't want to go steady. - [coughs]
- Steady?
[coughing]
Steady?
Who said anything about going steady?
- Clifford, are you okay?
- Steady?
- Do you want some air?
Water? Food?
Here, you better sit down. You don't look so good.
I don't get it. Didn't you want to go steady?
Well, what was that talk about commitment?
- I just wanted you to come to wrestling.
- Well, I can't come to all your matches.
- I know.
But sperm whale...
I need support. - That's fine.
I can do that, just as long as I know ahead of time.
- Come on. Easy, now. Easy.
Come on. Easy. Whoa!
Okay, easy now. Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!
Help, Mom and Dad! Help!
Oh! oh! - Hey!
Here! Push it up!
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
Whoa! Whoa! - Whoa!
Oh.
- Well, I must say, Ferguson,
that's a really impressive ball.
- Yeah. Well, the going got tough there for a while,
but once I discovered industrial strength fan belts,
it was smooth sailing.
- Where did you get the fan belts?
- From Pleimans Auto Parts, my private corporate sponsor.
I get fan belts,
they get mentioned in "The Guinness Book of Records."
- Well, you must have made
quite an impression on them, Ferguson.
- There's talk of me
making the world's biggest tepee out of dipsticks,
but we're still in negotiations.
- [grunts] It's stuck. - All right.
Let me give you a hand there.
All right, everybody push.
- That's really wedged in there.
- But it can't be.
I have to meet the Guinness people
in half an hour.
Can we get an axe to take down the doorframe?
- Are you kidding, Ferguson,
I'm not gonna destroy the house for this thing.
- Mom? Oh, I'm sorry, Ferguson.
No.
- So that's it.
All my work,
my book reports-- all gone for nothing.
- Wow.
Kind of makes me feel sorry for the little guy.
- Wait, I've got it.
All we have to do is take a layer off.
- Over my dead body. - No.
We'll put them right back on once we get outside.
- Ah! - Yeah.
Come on, let's get a crowbar, some gloves, you know?
It's gonna be okay. - Yeah. I'm with you, Dad.
- So you're going to tell Bobbie?
- Actually, we already called it quits.
- You did? - Yeah.
He said he needed a girl with more school spirit.
- Well, Kiki's free.
- What do you mean? - We're history.
She drove me crazy. - Really?
- She wouldn't leave me alone-- blowing me kisses,
putting pompoms on my locker,
writing "Kiki Spleenhurfer" all over her books.
- Yeah. That is pretty bad.
You feeling better now?
- Mm. Still a little shaky.
Maybe if I had some nachos just to settle my stomach.
- Come on.
I don't know what will happen with Ferg-face's ball,
but as for me and Clifford,
looks like we'll bounce back.
- Where's Ferguson?
I told him we're eating at :.
- Last time I saw he was in his bedroom
trying to grow his fingernails feet long.
- Clarissa, you shouldn't tease him
about this Guinness thing. - Yeah.
Who would have thought some kid from Australia
could come up with a rubber-band ball
that was feet wide.
- Guess there's lots of free time in the outback.
- Hello, family. What's for dinner?
Something smells good.
- Well, you seem in good spirits.
- You bet. I figured it out.
- What, how to walk upright?
- No, brainless, the records racket.
What was I knocking myself up for?
The real money is in publishing a book about those records.
- "Ferguson Darling Book O' Records"?
- Mm-hmm. There's already a listing
for America's largest rubber-band ball.
- Oh, I just remembered. Clifford's stopping by.
Can I ask him to stay for dinner?
- Again? - Of course.
- Oh, Janet-- - Look, we're having stew.
There's always enough for one more with stew.
- Yeah? You better water it down.
- So you're back together with the cro-magnon?
- Not back together, just back to normal.
- Ah, you're using the word "normal" loosely I take it.
- This from the guy who owns tons of rubber?
- Clarissa, I didn't know
you were having trouble with Clifford.
- Well, it was touch-and-go there for a while,
but once we decided we didn't want to go steady,
we've been seeing each other every day.
- ♪ Na, na, na-na-na
♪ Na, na, na, na, na
♪ Na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ Na-na-na, na, na, na
♪ Na, na, na-na-na
♪ Na, na, na, na, na
♪ All right, all right
♪ Na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, na
♪ Way cool
♪ Na, na, na-na-na
♪ Na, na, na, na, na
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na
♪ Na-na-na, na, na, na, na
04x03 - Commitment
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Clarissa Darling is a teenager who addresses the audience directly to explain the things that are happening in her life, dealing with typical adolescent concerns such as school, boys, pimples, wearing her first training bra, and an annoying younger brother.
Clarissa Darling is a teenager who addresses the audience directly to explain the things that are happening in her life, dealing with typical adolescent concerns such as school, boys, pimples, wearing her first training bra, and an annoying younger brother.