I used to love the nightlife
and hang out in a bar I used to hit the
bottle
then I hit it
to see me through the stripe my
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without a leg to stand on
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they're malicious that egg foo young
smells good
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fellas this one's on me try one of these
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could we get some fortune cookies with
that
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we haven't eaten for three days I think
I'm going to faint
well maybe you need some air quick
somebody roll down the window and drop
it out nah fellas let's look for the
silver line at least we're not going
home to a sink full of dirty dishes what
we were going home to was a bunch of
moving guys ransacking our house just
because of a few years of missed
payments the bank wanted to liquidate
our assets Morty does it bother you just
a smidge that we have so much when those
around us have so little not at all
you forget it blazer
these guys had repossessed the air and
my tires if they could I just wish we
didn't have to see them wallow in
poverty how about some new blinds for
this window
[Applause]
tuna casserole
only instead of cheetah I used
silverfish I can't eat no more bugs I
need real food man Grizz is taking care
of that right now
Brewster sweet Jesus our real in here
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rooster with the keywords to be House of
cripples oh really
hey pass on the news it was for you
Riley and put this as gently as I can
your uncle Bob grizzle Meyer is
stone-cold dead the worms are probably
eaten his decomposing arse very minute
no ho not Uncle Bob
the uncle I hardly knew in fact the
uncle I didn't know existed
my condolences I feel your pain let's
drink to the old fashioned blood
sad yes you won't be spending a lot of
quality time together now apparently he
was richer than a whorehouse full of
bankers and he left his entire fortune T
oh my boy Oh bless you Uncle Bob it was
nice to finally have a little dough and
being the generous soul I am I wanted to
share it with my friends they say that
money can't buy happiness however you
can rent it for a while but is the next
best thing
I had them gold-plated and I bought some
dad some class to this joint a genuine
Picasso and must have been from
Picasso's blind period oh well we can
afford it
this is the life it looks like all our
hard work paid off what hard work would
that be neglecting our responsibilities
leeching off society but it was all
worth it's toast there he is officer
arrest that man immediately that toast
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he stole my most prized possession the
st. Germain rubies and traded them in
for a pool full of cheap [ __ ] so you
know what these girls charge they're
hardly cheap sir I'd like to ask you a
few questions
this is obviously some kind of mistake I
would know a ruby from my [ __ ] well
sir they're both small and red but
rubies are used primarily for Julie
whereas your [ __ ] he's lying
the thief clearly had knowledge of my
schedule as say a neighbor might he knew
I'd be at my bridge game last night look
I don't know anything about her schedule
except if she can find some time in it
she can fight me then mr. O'Reilly would
you care to explain these
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I can't believe they put me under house
arrest I've never been so humiliated
listen Riley I know we haven't always
gotten along but I want you to know that
I'm behind you 110% and I'll do anything
to help you out of this mess thanks man
I appreciate it I'm ready to go to jail
with you anytime actually the sooner the
better
whoa whoa you want to go to jail come on
don't you realize it a girl can dream
out here
he's naked a getaway
she like-a to get hit by another car
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that sound like it hurt mr. O'Reilly we
have the manhole surrounded do not know
shouldn't be a problem house arrest was
turning out to be a royal pain but it
did have one perk conjugal visits yeah
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this is so much better than trying to
peek in Riley's room the sounds of young
love that reminds me we're having pork
for dinner dude have you locked up in
here it's like major bomber time I can't
find your uncle the proof he left you
all this green of course you can't find
him he's dead see these are the kind of
things you can't be hiding from me bro
I'm your lawyer I have to know
everything but check this out I made a
deal with the DA
IRRI free dude great
how'd you clear it out so fast there's
like one total technicality you've got
to find the skeevy rat who really stole
those rubies in the next 24 hours or you
go to jail for like ever like bummer
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so if you don't figure out who sold
those rubies they're gonna toss you in
the pokey yeah looks that way
and this concerns me how because you
ingrate if they did Riley away you'll
all be back on the street here god no I
can't go back on the street again I
couldn't bear to face another balloon
hey man times 2 brother I'm gonna hate
myself for asking but what the hell are
you clowns talking about well before we
met all of you Fontaine and I were
balloon artistes Oh children would come
from miles around just to buy one of our
beautiful balloon animals
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yeah the novel satisfied [ __ ] and then
it all came crashing down a woman from
the back ordered 500 balloons our
biggest order ever we were thrilled as
soon as we were finished you know what
I've changed my mind I'll just take one
[Laughter]
from that day on we couldn't do it
anymore
oh do you have any idea what it's like
to blow 500 animals scrawling
those poor balloon animals please that's
a life of luxury I used to work in the
finest wig store in this city the king
of the wig mannequins they called me
then at the grand opening of our new
display it
Herbert he's looking up my skirt
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I could have been the greatest tweet
manikin of the whole time but I was
washed up and nobody I can't go back to
my old life
those stories made me realize one thing
I just lost 10 of the remaining 3
minutes of my life on the most sorry-ass
flashbacks I've ever been bored to tears
with can we please get on with the
business of saving mine um but otherwise
precious but we decided to split up to
make the most of our time Griezmann a
checkpoint to watch for any suspicious
activity official neighborhood business
have you been drinking no better get
started
perhaps you care to explain less smells
like evidence double cheese and
pepperoni evidence
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Fontaine had another idea he and the
guys cowered the neighborhood for any
sign of the Rubies fine gems emit a
high-pitched frequency we pick them up
right here follow me this way keep
covered we're getting closer as usual
Frannie had a slightly different
approach as now the candle of lost
things
clear the fog so we might see Oh candle
of lost things where'd you get the money
to buy this and why'd you buy such a
cheap brand I'm gonna have to confiscate
it
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I hate nature I'm telling you it's not
here it's got to be this machine is
never wrong what are you trying to tell
me girl well if that isn't the funniest
thing it's my watch
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meanwhile with the minutes ticking by I
figured I'd better take a poke around
the scene of the crime
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honest place is locked up tighter than a
nun's bloomers I'll give a guy a man a
bobby pin it can perform open-heart
surgery you keep a lookout I'll see what
I can find
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isn't this sweet the Bromberg salad days
now all I need is a place to vomit
what's this
so did you find anything did I ever I
just don't know what the hell it is good
evening everyone you're probably
wondering why I've asked you here
tonight we live here stupid I've taken
the liberty of inviting a few guests to
our little soiree who else around here
could use a drink
show of hands if you will be so kind as
to indulge me inspector I've uncovered
some information which I think you might
find very interesting I've been doing
this job for 20 years I don't find
anything very interesting I'm gonna sit
the candle of truth to clear the air for
justice and honesty to come forth
it's a good thing she's got those
fabulous sweater pumpkins because she
can be a real loon job during our
investigation some surprising
revelations have come to light for
instance lefty and Fontaine were once
renowned balloon artists but something
we didn't learn just who was the
spectator who destroyed their lives that
fateful day
any ideas left I don't well you see I
didn't think so
miss Bromberg any idea where this came
from I don't know what you are talking
about well maybe we can jog your memory
but first would you like some caviar I
know how you love those little eggs no
you know what I've changed my mind I'll
just take one you know what I changed my
boy I'll just take one
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let's see and Fonteyn driven by rage
seeking revenge against the woman who
tore your lives of sunder you rode your
bicycles to the broad birds the tire
tracks and stole the precious to me
rubies I still got me one of them
balloons who like themselves a nice
puppy dog sorry sounds good to me take
him away boys but they couldn't have
done it why not for the simple reason
they don't own bicycles now Blazer what
you can't possibly think that I does
this ring a bell you had a brilliant
career as a wig mannequin you are at the
top of your profession until
the genitals that got you fired those
very same genitals belong to liz
Bromberg how else to repay her for
ruining your career but to steal her
precious gems so you chose your moment
and using the cover of darkness
ingeniously broke in and stole those
famous st. Germain rubies
yes how many points the xylophone
inspector my evidence see he's
confessing no I got b*rned by the candle
of truth sorry I'm telling you it wasn't
me
you gotta admit Riley story makes pretty
good sense arrest the little fella
but this time blazars telling the truth
he wasn't even in the area that night it
was his weekly meeting with his parole
officer Freddie bring in the real
culprit sister puts Johnson that same
sister Bush was on her way to the
orphanage that night to administer her
bi-weekly beatings only on this
particular night she was running late
she realized that walking just wouldn't
do
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but what was the motive aha this time it
was not revenge she immediately
recognized the saint germain rubies for
they once belonged to the church they
were worn by Pope Thomas himself in the
11th century CE I'd like to get me one
of them Pope hats if I could return them
I'd be guaranteed a place at his side
for eternity
a supply of terrified orphans at my feet
forever but I didn't take them well
hells bells and spanked me with a paddle
somebody took them take them all the way
well sort it out downtown
this allows my touch white I've got it
Flynn's Bromberg Stover ironruby
Riley recently inherited a large sum of
money from his uncle Bob Gribble Meyer
which is fine except Bob griddle Meyer
never d*ed Uncle Bob's alive Bob grizzle
nah never d*ed because Bob grizzle mah
never existed will everyone please stop
gasping for a minute if there was no Bob
grizzle Maya then who sent the money
something about the name Bob grizzle
mayest struck me as odd and I finally
figured out why
now you can guess the scrawny little hoe
stole their own rubies to frame the boss
and get us kicked out of the house baby
I like the way you think you've all been
watching too many movies come on Mort
we're going home
not so fast well looky here
the Saint Germain rubies you have the
right to remain silent yadda yadda just
like on tv
good luck no I would have gotten away
with it if it wasn't for those meddling
clods well you couldn't have thought of
this earlier you're welcome
hey Riley I appreciate your pointing a
finger at me I wish I could give you a
finger right back now I've never been a
violent man but you're making me rethink
my position this is all sad very very
soon yes yes that we're at each other's
throats that great wealth made the
Bromberg's morally bankrupt no did they
forgot these
come on my hearties drinks are on the
house
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