01x01 - Sin Bin

[bunniefuu]

MTV's Downtown



Alex. Yo, man. You Ok?
-Oh, oh, what's up, Goat?

Hey, man. What the hell you
been doing? Smoking something?

No. Uh, no. I'm just worried
about Sunday. - Man, you've got

absolutely nothing to worry
about, man. You got me

and all the kids. We're gonna
help your ass out, man.

So, your paying me, right?

So then, use my no fail,
all purpose, seduction line.

Umm. Want to see God? - Nah, I
got to go up and use the bathroom.

Did it work? - Got me a hicky that
looks like the crab nebula.

Uh, what's this? You know I
can't give you freebies

forever. - Come on, Alex, I'm
gonna be helping you out.

Anyway, check it out. It's the
label for Goat's kick-in-the-ass

macro malt. I make
it in the bathtub.

And, that's me as the God, Pan,
riding the Harley.

Since when does Pan wear
chain-mail and no pants?

Hey, Sis, what do you want?
- What's up?

Listen, I need a copy of this invite
on card stock, so it looks real.

What's that naked guy doing
to that monkey?

And, don't you have a final
tomorrow? - Yeah, whatever,

Mom. Um, anyway,

not like you would know, but
Tuesday just so happens to be

the new Saturday night for
anyone who is even remotely cool.

Saturday night's only like
Saturday night for like

day-care coochie girls. - And, didn't
you go out Saturday night, too?

Well, sort of,
but, like ...

Whatever! Why are you, like,
all up in my grill?

You don't have a life, so
like, you're just like ...

Yeah, well, that's all
going to change.

Did you forget ... about Sunday?
I get my own place.

What a waste. You'll still spend
all your time playing video games.

At least, I'll have somewhere
to crash. - No-o-o, no you won't.

My new apartment. Get your
own apartment.

Whate-v-e-r.
- This is not Chaka's Motel 6.

Whatever. - Well, if I can't
scare up some bed money real fast

I won't be going anywhere.
- Ive got an idea.

Well moved ...

You wouldn't have this problem
if you didn't spend so much money

on toys. Your room is like
filled with, like,

Star Wars crap and Tranformers
and Hot Wheels ...

It looks like a six year
old boy lives there.

Wait, I take that back.
A 6 year old boy wouldn't have

a collection of the Spice Girls
dolls. - Oh man, I like Scary Spice.

I like Posh Spice.

Aw, she's pretty good, too, man.
- Posh Spice. - Oh, My God,

you are so
creeping me out.

You should, like, sell some of
that junk. It's got to be worth

something to other geeks like you.
- I'll never sell.

Never.
No way. No ...

damn way.

That's easy to say, but ...

It's a very rare one-armed
Japanese import.

Even rarer than the
old school Yak Face.

So, you're saying that Yoda would
be maneuvering in a fight.

Yes. I'm afraid it is so.

I'm afraid you are thinking with your
heart and not your head, my friend.

Ah, new comics day.

Hmm, I can almost smell
the desperation.

No.
That's just the B O.

A hundred bucks.

All of my men...hmmm...

Hey, Alex.
- Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay.

Here.
- Thanks.

Take this to Frank.
Oh, her name's Serena, bro.

Not that you want to
know or anything.

He would have no chance
against adamantium claws

and mutant healing powers.
Hey, Alex,

you or the virgin wolverine.
Who do you think's going to win?

[Yawn]

Uh, sorry, I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Ok, 100 bucks, even.

Yo, how much is that "Mr. T"?


or drool over it?

Does it, does it,
still talk?

Oooh, hey Serena,
get that for me.

I threw my back out again lifting.

That damn deltoid.

What you looking at?!

Here.
- Ah, thanks.

And, Matt said she plays
some wierd sitar,

the zither, it's called?
- Oh, not another one of your

hopeless Goth girl
fixations.

I bet you haven't even talked
to her. - I have so.

Here.
Thanks.

Oh, so you gonna take this
little plastic dinosaur collection?

Nah. No, I'll leave
that here.

All right. - That's
educational stuff, I don't want it.

I live next door, big green.
I want to go

with you in a Gillian
Anderson playsuit.

I want to ... - Hey, hey,
when I get my apartment,

I'm going to be the man.
- Oh, really?

Yeah. ... Or, at least
a normal human being.

You know, when you do,
if that should happen,

and you start dating. You know,
surgically implanted

lap dancers and all that
kind of stuff,

who will keep me from blowing
my brains out with a shotgun?

Uh, don't worry.
I'll always be there for you.

Uh huh. - Like you will always
be there for me.

Oh, yes. - On moving day
- Amen. - with the money

for the van. - You
have obviously

forgotten my motto.
Neither a borrower

nor a lender be.

Or a voluntary participant
at a poetry slam ... or

a woman wearing a sweatshirt
decorated with glitter ...

Hey, you don't like many
people do you, Jen? - No.

And, that should make you
feel extra special.

Uh. - Yeah.
Oh, God no!

Ooh. Is your heart
made of stone?

Does this bring back memories?
Yeah, it was my only date

in high school. God, I
remember it, yes.

I was emptying the spit valve
on my trumpet

and this clarinet reed came,
like, flying through

the air and hit
stuck up,

skin flute playing Stacey
Bruised Face Barcella

in the back of the neck.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, my gosh, I remember. And,
then after school we went to

Mastori's and made them give us
a bowl of gravy

to dip french fries in.
Which is a bizaar custom

that you, I don't know where you get
this... - They do that in Europe

Oh, they do? - Yeah.
- Aren't you cosmopolitan.

Oh, it's so funny though. I
remember. I think is was when

we realized how much we
both hated her guts.

And, we nicknamed her,
"Barf-ella"

[retch, retch] you know what,
we became, like, friends.

through sheer anomisity.
- See, uh, Jen,

actually, I, I, liked Barfella.

That's why I threw things at her.
That's what boys do.

And, you know, well,
let's just say ...

Let's just say she
provided enough, uh,

stroking material for me to
get through junior high

without ever having actually
talked to a girl.

Except, for you, of course.
- Alex. - Yeah.

Why can't you let me
enjoy my hate?

So, he puts his arm around me
and he goes this here's

my next hoochie.
Don't look at me

like that, he didn't mean
it in a bad way. I know it.

Uh, Mecca, if that's me, I'd be
all ...

and here's your next operation,
He yah! He yah!

Whatever ... - Shouldn't
we be helping, or something?

So, how did you find
this apartment?

I lucked out. The landlord
came in to work to copy

legal forms and I went up
to him and I ...

Oh, get out this month!
I never

liked your face, you
no good bum.

See you in lousy court,
you blood sucking leech.

You didn't see the inside?
- Well, I mean, I

had to grab it.
This is New York, I just

had to snatch it up.
- You poor dear.

You know how apartments go.
I know, honey, there are

eight million hovels
in the naked city

and you just got
yourself one of them.

Uh... uh, oh, make way
for ugly furniture.

Why are we taking
this monstrosity?

It's a house warming
gift from the folks.

Oh, it's a heavy house
warming gift.

Check out the claws. This cat
needs a pedicure really bad.

You know, this whole changing
my life deal is

gonna work out fine.
I'm sure.

Today, I am a man.

Oh, I'm afraid to look. What
was that? - The fire hydrant.

Today, you are
a stupid man.

Welcome to my low down
love shack.

My super fab sin bin.
My space age

bachelor pad.
If you will.

I won't.

Kitty, come here,
come here.

Awh, kitty, kitty,
kitty. Come on,

Give me a kiss.

Oh, look, you've got
a microwave.

That's the refrigerator.

Did I ever tell you about the
time I lived in an airshaft?

Was that before or after
the, uh, bank vault?

Hey, look, it's a window and a
metaphor for your life.

This cat smells like a
litter box.

Yeah, that's because it's 70's
p*rn movie smell,

so popular with today's youth.
- I don't think that

popular with anyone.
- Speak for yourself.

Well, I guess we got to chuck
it. Sure gonna be a pain

getting this mother down
the stairs. - Want me to

throw it out the window? - Goat
your devotion to lazyness

astounds me. - Me and
lazyness is like that.

It's worth a try.
Chaka, you and Mecca

stand out front. Make sure
no one gets in the way.

Do you think you can handle that?
Whatever, Alex, you act like I'm

'Miss Irresponsible' or something.

You're cool.
No one's coming.

The first transport
is away. - It can fly.

To be free ... fly
like the wind.

Uh, here's the motherload,
get out of the way.

Good, you want a couch
on your head?

Oh, my God. I forgot
to tell you, Jimmy, like,

swears up and down on that
I forced him to go out with her.

Are you serious? Uh, oh.
- Yo, hey!

Are we clear?
- Yeah, whatever. Throw it.

Yeah, nice Chaka, real nice.

You want those crazy
PETA people on my ass?

Uhhh! - Watch what you're doing.
- All right, chill out.

I'm on top of it.
You got tons of room.

Okay. But, watch yourself.
This could get ugly.

All right.
- Hey, Chaka, Mecca, ...

over here.
What's up, y'all?

OooooooH!

Oh, man, that guy
took down all my info.

Now, I'll have to foot the bill
to fix his crappy car.

Man, I told you to establish
multiple identities.

And, guess who's
chipping in, Chaka?

No ... way. It was
totally an accident.

Uuuh! When I drop dead
from a heart att*ck

could somebody please inform
my next of kin?

Will do.
- Can I at least trust you two

to watch the van while
we take stuff upstairs?

I don't want to get ripped off.
- I'll guard your 'Hulk

Shower Curtain' with my life.

Grab the futon and let's move out.

I'll hold the door.
Engage.

Lift your end if it, Jen.
- Is that a come on?

Umm, yeah, sure.
- Aren't you

an easy one.
- Ah, ... come on.

Get down and spread 'em.
- Oh, yeah.

Oh, you're so subtle. Oh, God.
Alex give him an ear ...

Come on, I'm, I'm stronger.
I'm the manliest

of all of us and I should
be on the bottom. - Right.

You bet, you'll be
on the bottom.

All right, look. Shut up.
This whole thing is turning into

One big pain in my ass.
And, it does not help

that you're annoying and
you are useless. Umph!

[wimpishly] Help. Please.

Didn't you just call me annoying?
- B-u-u-u-r-r-r-p!

Hey, partner, look.
There's Chaka and Mecca.

You know something, I swear
Chaka wants to get with me.

I know it. - Bro, you're, like,
bugging out, man. Just chill with that.

She's, like, off the meat rack
or something like that. I don't know.

But, you know, like, she's
not worth the trouble.

Oh, she's a little chicken head,
but, eh, she's also kind a cute, man.

You think Chaka could get them
both back to my crib?

With the quickness.
Okay, now

watch me go all
suave and crap.

So, what's up, cuties?
Yo, Matt,

that's my brothers van.
Oh, ...

Alex is the Cookie King?
- No he's just using it for the move.

Yeah, Fruity, he's an
expert at moves.

Room for three?

So, me and Mecca were, like, looking
for this club, right. -It was horrible.

Bone head peed, like,
simultaneously, in sync...

almost, like, twins or something.
Like, we always are.

We ducked into this movie theater
and this guy went ...

No, you can't come in here, d,
d, d, dog

and use our toilet. - You think we're
going to steal a toilet or something?

That's stupid. It's just
a normal bodily function.

Hey, you know, I live a few
blocks from here. - See, he's

All, like, ...
Around the corner...

How do I know you won't come
back, missy? Do you have any I.D.?

I'm, like, what? He's, like,
looking at trying to

figure out whether it's really her's
or not. That it's a real school I.D.

I'm all, like, you, like, have
no right to be looking at my name

Seriously. He's all ...
Chaka Hanson. He's like...

checking out my card.
Seeing if it's validated...

What are you doing?
More like, who are you?

You're like a vending person
at a movie theater.

At the popcorn machine,
or something.

Hey, I thought maybe later we
can go over to my place.

Um, damn!
Hey, you!

Stop!
Come back here with my van!

Chaka!
Wait up!

What just happened?

Your suave made them
run away.

Where do you want the spatula?
- Don't shake the box.

Can't you read?
- Shake, shake, shake.

Shake, shake, shake.
- Oh, you're ... - You're booty.

You're just a laugh riot today,
aren't you? - Thank you.

How much stuff is left outside,
anyways? - I don't know.

The van!?
Chaka!

Ooooh! I'm going
to bust your ass.

Oh, man, they're gone bro,
not coming back.

Trust me, "B",
they always come back.

Stupid Alex, and his
stupid, stupid, always

being right. - Wait Chaka,
over there. The van.

[shout together] Aaaaah!!
Hey,

hey, you.

Over here. - No hitchhiking,
you're crazy. - What?

You can't get into a van with a
total stranger. He could be, like,

like, put the frigging lotion
in the basket.

I've got pepper spray.

Cool bed. Is it yours?
Of course, it's mine. I'm driving

it, ain't I? [Honk]
Stop bucking the bus!

I'm Toby, uh,
what's your name.

Chaka. Listen, can I have
a ride and my friend Mecca

and her cat? Thanks.
- No. Wait.

Um, I'm kind a in the middle
of something right now. See I ...

Well, we might as well leave
that sofa outside.

There's obviously no room
for it, now. - What if

Morticia Addams drops by
and you want to

put the moves on her?
- Well, actually I always kind of

preferred Wednesday. Now, how
likely is that?

Oh, I'd say it's about as likely
as you bagging that

spooky chick from
the comic shop. Humm.

How's the john?
Big enough to contain you?

Well, ...
parts of me.

Only problem is
the bowl's busted.

So, I had to throw it
under the sink. - Ach, gross.

Uh, if I just figure out how to
brew beer that doesn't make you

pee all the time.

I'll paint a nice idyllic
country scene on that window.

Some cows,
barn ...

Maybe, a mass m*rder.

Damn, what was I thinking?

What if I made the wrong move?
I mean, I had it fat

back home. No rent.
No responsibility.

All the chicken rolls
I could eat. - No sex,

no self-esteem, no hope of
ever leading a normal life.

I've had sex.
- Yeah, sure you did,

Anyway, even if you did make
the wrong decision,

you've got to make the
best of it, now. And,

then spend decades complaining
about your crumby

apartment like every other New
Yorker, who isn't a millionaire.

Jen's right, man.
You can not give up.

You must not look back.
Come hell, high water,

Or a fleet of Ferengi
coming up your ass.

You must follow through
and confront your destiny.

Gotta go. Happy Hour.
Hey, since your getting

rid of stuff, can I have the
life-sized Xena.

Umm, where are the
brakes, again?

Get out of my way,
tourist taco!

Don't we have to get back?
Mecca, don't get all

parents on me, I'm having fun.
- What about Alex?

Hey, let's race that
cab over there.

So, then they ran away, due to
the fact they were overwhelmed

by my charm.
- This couch is so hot.

God, it's so ... decadent.
- You can have it for 50 bucks.

It was my great-grandmother's.
- Ummm.

I don' know.
- She was a Madam in a

whore house ...
in New Orleans.

Uh, drink, absinthe?
Oh, shut up.

I don't think so. I don't
know, the claws are cool though.

But, I'll tell you what,
I'll deliver it for free.

Okay, I'll take it.
I guess.

Hey, guys, I'll give you 10
bucks each to help.

Hey, that little creepy, crawly,
babe you're so crazy about

is taking off with your sofa.

Don't let him off if
he has to use the bathroom.

He's ... dirty.
- Who's yelling?

I don't know. Some freak.
Hey, didn't I

see your picture on the
Goth chick of the week website?

Hmm. That's original.

Damn. Still no sign of the van.

Chaka doesn't even have a license.
At least, not a real one.

Where the hell are they?

Wait, what are the rules again?
- Ok,

you can be like,anywhere in the
world, doing anything you want,

with anyone. You have like
unlimited money. Be specific.

Okay, I'm with this guy
and he's really sensitive

and smart, and we're in love.
He buys me flowers,

writes me true love songs
every other day.

Mecca, where do you live?
Like, where are you in the world?

I don't know.
It doesn't matter.

So, I have this seriously
deep connection at an

almost comic level ...
Then he leans in and

just before he's about to kiss
me ... - What are you wearing?

What does he look like?
Uh ... forget it.

You don't even know how to play this
game. - I live on a private island

Me too.
Where the water was like

always crystal blue and
the sand was always white

and it was always exactly


Yeah. And, we get shrimp and
lobster and vanilla, you know

with the little beans
in it. - Yeah, whatever.

We could have a chef cooking
gourmet style dinner

all the time.
- Yo, a mansion, a television

with every room in it. - We could
have, like, our own private jet

with our own DJ spin
any type of music.

What about a casino?
-We can have a casino, yo,

it's a fantasy.
- All right.

See, Mecca, that's how
you play the game.

Ok, what do you think of the
window as, I don't know,

Think of it as, like a, a
conversation piece.

You know, just be thankful
you've got the broken toilet

in the apartment and not down the hall.
- Thanks for trying to cheer me up.

But, I am un,
un, uncheerupable.

Ha. I'm sorry, I don't
speak your language.

I made a new word, today. - You
did, you coined a phrase, didn't you.

But, I must go now.
I must return to my apartment.

featuring unreliable
hot water

slutty roommate, my plaster
chips that fall on my head.

Bye-bye.
- Later.

Pbbbfft.

Ooh. We went all the way to Atlantic
City and they wouldn't even let us gamble.

What kind of dumb
wack law is that?

Well, it's only 2 AM though,

we could still go out.

What do you say, Mecca?

Wake up babes, you're home.

Thanks for the ride.

Bye, Toby or whatever.

See ya, Chaka.
Mister Peeper says night-night.

Uh, okay, where to now?

Don't move. Just follow
my directions, carefully

no one gets hurt.

You know, you're a
really wierd chick.

Yo! It's me!
Chaka?

Ooh, God I'm so b*at.

Don't worry, I can sleep on
the floor, though.

Where's the van!?
What the hell happened.

Where have you been? - Ugh,
Don't freak. This guy stole it.

I had to track him down and spend
the whole day with him so he

wouldn't suspect anything. Then, I
had to hold pepper spray to his head

to force him to bring it back. It's
parked right outside in a legal spot,

so, thank me, okay.
Oh, Chaka, you really

are brilliant liar.
- Fine don't believe me.

Can I stay, anyway?

Ah, yeah, I guess.
Too tired to argue.

[smack] You're the
best brother.

I'll make you coffee in
the morning, baby.

But, don't wake me up
before noon, okay.

Wow, it really is a
dump in here. - Yeah.

Guess this is what the refer
to as ...

real life, huh.
- Well, it may not be pretty

but at least now you have to
worry about Mom interrupting

your personal time
in the bathroom.

Yeah, that's true.
Wait, wa ...

you know about that?
Umm ...

Hey, Chaka, I'm sick of
waiting downstairs.

Sorry about the van, man.
Your sister's cool.

Toby, this is Alex.

Um, I told Toby he could
crash here, too.

That's okay with you,
isn't it, Alex?

Alex?