05x09 - Knight & Danger

[bunniefuu]

[ music ]

- So the guy that owns the bowling alley,

he comes out from the back and he says to me,

this guy, he says-- He says,

"I got a hundred bucks here for anybody

who's willing to box this kangaroo."

- You mean like... put him in a box?

- Why would you put a kangaroo in a box?

- You should not cage animals.

- No box, like boxing.

Like put on boxing gloves and fight.

- You should not fight animals.

- Well I didn't, because as soon

as I put on my boxing gloves,

my cousin's car comes smashing through a wall!

So I dive out of the way

before my cousin can run me over with his car.

[ crowd yelling outside] And naturally, the kangaroo,

he jumps straight up in the air and he lands right--

- Do you guys hear that?

- It's just a bunch of people screaming.

Now the kangaroo lands right on to of the clown!

Now we don't know if the clown is okay at this point--

we don't know if he's dead... we don't know if he's alive...

- Uh...those screams are getting louder.

- Then so am I.

My aunt was an amateur lion tamer.

Now everybody thought,

"Hey, if she can tame lions,

she can probably tame tigers", right?

As it turns out... not the case at all.

- Those people look scared dude.

- You wanna know who was scared,

my aunt in a circus tent surrounded by tigers.

Now my cousin comes out of the back, right?

And he's like, "We gotta go to Florida real quick."

- I think that guy's on fire.

- Ahhh!

- Great, we'll call the fire department after my story.

- What is this land? Where is Astoria?

- Uh, I'll be with ya in a second pal!

I'm tellin' "a story" uh right here.

- I need a sword!

- Dude, that guy's breaking a bunch of stuff.

- Who cares? It's a fake store.

Now, I don't know if the clown and my aunt

were dating or not. I didn't ask any questions...

- Where's the nearest castle?!

- Hey, guy.

You are interrupting my story!

- There's a Burger Castle about a mile that way.

- Your loyalty will be rewarded

when I am king.

- Nice!

- Dude, I think we have a little bit of a situation

here we need to deal with.

- You want to talk about a situation,

try driving up a mountain with your cousin,

your aunt, a clown, a kangaroo--

- Hey, Ray?

- What?! What?! What?!

Schwoz, I'm trying to tell a story here!

- Emergency call from Bill Evil.

- Who? - Bill Evil.

- Chairman of Evil Science Corp.

- He opened a door to another dimension on Halloween...

- I think we should take the call, dude.

- Fine! We'll take it in the Man Cave.

- But I brought the phone all the way up here

with this hilariously long phone cord.

- I said we'll take it in the Man Cave!

- Alright, see ya. That guy's still on fire.

- Ahhhh!

- Okay, Bill. Let's make this fast,

you kinda caught me in the middle of a story

and I got a lot of people who wanna hear the end.

- I thought that was the end.

- No! Why would you think that's the end?

- Because you were talking for three--

- I just have a question! - What?!

- If a scientist--not me,

but a totally different scientist--

were to open an inter-dimensional portal...

- Aww, c'mon Bill! What is wrong with you?!

- Dangit! - Why?!

- And a scary looking knight with a face tattoo

jumped out and punched the scientist

right in the face.

And then the scary looking knight

ran off into Swellview.

- What's your question, Bill?

- Would that scientist be in trouble?

- YES!

- Yeah, just like you were in trouble

the last time you opened an inter-dimensional portal!

- Actually, I didn't get in trouble.

You two just walked away, covered in goo,

and left me alone, unpunished,

and free to open as many portals as I want.

- He's right, we did that.

- Dangit, Bill.

Why do you keep opening inter-dimensional doors?

- It's just so much fun!

You never know who's gonna jump out.

- Well, starting now you're not allowed

to open anymore portals. Alright?

- Yeah! - What if it's my birthday?

- Well, I mean... if it's your birthday--

- No no! No more portals!

- Yeah yeah! No more portals, Bill!

- Fiiine.

- Pft. That guy... - Pft. Yeah...

Let's go.

- Hmm? To where?

- To stop the scary looking knight guy

who Jasper just sent to Burger Castle.

- Scary looking knight guy?

- What? The... the face tattoo?

That just came into Junk-N-Stuff?

- Was this today?

- He interrupted your story.

- Oh that guy!! I hate that guy.

Let's go punch his interrupting face

right off his face!

- Okay, okay, just take it down a notch, geez...

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick.

- Ahhh!

- Now we blow bubbles...

and fight crime. Feels good.

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

- Aw, my boot! - Ha!

[ music ]

♪ CLEAN UP, CLEAN UP

♪ EVERYBODY CLEAN UP

♪ CLEAN UP, CLEAN UP

- Hey guys, Ray wants us to--

- What? - What Schwoz?

- What do you want? - We're not singing.

- We're not singing or anything. - What? What? What's up?

- Ray says we have to go to Evil Science Corp

and take away their inter- dimensional transporter.

- Well, how are we supposed to do that?

- Yeah, if we show up,

they'll know we work for Captain Man.

- Not if Captain Man hired some...

...Task Bunnies!

- No no no no no no! - No no noooooooo!

- Those uniforms are embarrassing.

- C'mon! I think they're cute.

- Why can't Henry and Ray do it?

- They have to go deal with the angry knight guy

who trashed the store.

The one you sent to Burger Castle.

- Oh right!

I get a reward if he becomes king.

- Ahhhhh!

It happened again!

- Are you just doing this to get attention?

- Yeah.

- One Waldorf salad

and one junior enchanted happy box.

Sorry sweetie,

we're out of the King Cupcake happy box toy.

- I got the salad.

And I'm not your sweetie, Ned.

- We're out of King Cupcake.

- Course.

I've got three Princess Pizzas and no King Cupcakes.

How am I supposed to "collect all four"

if you never have any King Cupcakes?!

- I don't know.

- Well, thanks a lot, Ned.

- What kind of magic door is this?!

The door mocks me!

And it will pay!

- I didn't know they had live shows

at Burger Castle. That's fun!

- I am Ryker of Astoria!

I demand to be crowned king of this castle.

- We got a bunch of crowns, you can just have one.

- This is not a crown!!

- Are you gonna order anything or...

- I order everyone to kneel

and obey King Ryker!

- M'lord!

Come on Piper, join in!

- Okay Tin Man, you're coming with us.

Thanks. Thanks everybody.

- I didn't know you guys were part of the show!

- What show?

- Piper, be quiet!

Let them say their "lines."

- Who dares challenge King Ryker?!

- Oooh.

- Seriously, what is going on here?

- I'll tell you what's going on, Kid Danger!

This guy is comin' onto our turf,

tryin' to take on

the undefeated champions of Swellview!

[ cheers ]

- Actually we got defeated last month.

Remember? I lost my powers--

- You're goin down, brother!

[cheers and appluase]

- I will destroy you!

[ crowd boos ]

- Yawn.

- M'lord!

- I am so sorry about him.

- Brenda, I'd like you to try on

these gloves I just invented.

They're made of silent leather. Listen...

[ silence ]

Try them yourself.

- I'm allergic to leather.

- Oh. Well, then...

I don't know how to fill this awkward moment.

Oh thank god!

Some people dressed like bunnies.

This should be fun.

- Hello. We're...

[ sighs ] Task Bunnies.

- Got a task? We're "hoppy" to help.

- Sooo Captain Man hired us to pick up an...

inter-dimensional transporter.

- Yes. It's right here.

- Those are bananas.

- No noo.

This is the inter-dimensional transporter.

I'm really going to miss it.

That's why I'm so emotional right now.

- Then what's that thing?

- That is a wall.

It's made of a product called sheet rock--

- No, next to the wall.

The machine that says "inter-dimensional transporter."

- That's a...

Brenda, help me.

- Just give them the machine, Bill.

- Fine.

You can take the inter- dimensional transporter.

I'll just open one more dimensional door--

- No, no, no! - Stop!

- Alright. Okay. You can take it.

But before you take it, please don't take it.

- That's enough. - Step aside.

- Would you like a pair of silent leather gloves?

Or maybe this filing cabinet?

It's not silent, but it does hold things.

- Pppssshhhh.

Hey! Where'd you get that King Cupcake?!

Ned said they were out!

- Oh, it's not mine, it's--

- Brandon! That's mine--give it!

- What?

- How old's yours?

- Forty-two.

- Ooof. Tough age.

- Alright, up ya go. - Get up ya weirdo.

- There ya go. - Let's go. C'mon. Easy.

- Thank you for helping me.

You fools!

- Is something supposed to happen?

- Yes.

Usually smoke comes out of my hand

and then you bear the mark of Ryker

and I can control your mind.

- Hm. Is he controlling your mind, dude?

- Nah. I'm just thinkin' about cheese fries.

- Now I'm thinkin' about cheese fries.

- Whoa! I'm controlling your mind!

- Whhaatt?

- The cheese fries in your mind are now covered in chili.

- Now they are!!!

- You mock me.

- Yeah, we definitely mock you.

- Then taste my steel!

Ahh!

- He said, "taste my steel!"

- Hey, what's your dill, pickle?

Why are you so mad?

- You'd be mad too if someone stole your kingdom.

- Huh? - What's up big dog?

- I am the rightful ruler of Astoria.

But my throne was taken away from me.

- Aw, buddy... - That's not gooood.

- I almost got it back,

but I was defeated by a squad of knights.

And a wizard banished me from my realm,

and suddenly I was... well, here...

- Gah...

- I get it.

He's not a bad guy, he's just scared.

- He's just a lost lil' puppy from another dimension.

- With a sword and sick face tattoos.

- Come on, pal.

We'll get you home, little fella.

- I'm bigger than you are.

- Haha! Sure you are, little buddy.

You know...in a way,

I'm kind of the king of this town.

- Oh, god...

- Okay I really want to ask what you're doing,

but I don't want you to roll your eyes and sigh.

- [ sighs ]

- Yeah. Like that.

- Ray and Henry want to send that angry knight

back to a land called Astoria.

So I'm scanning around different dimensions,

listening for anyone who says the word Astoria.

- Hmm, any luck?

- Nah... just a bunch of people

wondering if you and Henry are dating.

- What?! We're not dating.

- Ohhhhh...

that's not what I heeeeaaar...

- Hey Char, we got another Task Bunny job.

Let's bounce!

- No! We're not real Task Bunnies

and I hate this stupid outfit.

- But I signed us up for real.

Some lady is gonna pay us bucks

to paint her dog's nails.

- Let's bounce!

- Oohh. Oohh. Oh no no no!

Helllp meee!

- Hey man, it's just the tubes.

Okay? You don't have to be so scared.

- I wasn't scared! That was um...

brave screaming.

- Oh okay.

- Dude, you were so scared,

I could hear you screaming the whole way down.

- That was brave screaming!

- Yea no, I also scream "help me"

when I'm being brave.

- I would like to go home now

and fight for my throne!

- Yeah, where are we on that, Schwoz?

- I'm still working on it.

- Nice troll sl*ve.

How much do you want for him?

- What?! I'm not a troll.

- Quiet down, troll.

Hey, hey, hey... - What, what, what...

- Let's give this dude some of our sweet weapons

to take home with him so he can get his kingdom back!

- I love that

and I would like to do that right now.

- You have weapons here?

- So many weapons. - Yeah.

- What, like swords and axes?

- Yeah yeah, swords! - Ha ha ha.

- Yeah, we got axes!

Okay Mike Tyson! - Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Hey uhh... let me tell you

about a little something

called a "thermonuclear hand cannon."

And after that, I'm gonna tell you

a hilarious story about me, my cousin, a kangaroo...

- I found it!

I found someone saying Astoria!

I found someone saying--

ahhh I'm talking to myself.

[ echoing voices ] - Astoria...

- If you say it over and over again,

the word "Astoria" starts to sound weird.

- Works the same with the word "stromboli."

Stromboli. - Stromboli.

- Stromboli. - This sounds weird.

- Stromboli. - Stromboli.

Strombo-my god, where are we?!

- Welcome to the Man Cave!

- Ohhh it's an evil troll!

- I am Schwoz.

- It's an evil troll named Schwoz!

- Okay why don't you just relax and let me explain how--

Oh good you have weapons.

- Let us out of this cave! - Why did you bring us here?

- You better send us home right now!

- This is my personal space. - Wait!

I'm pretty sure that if you tickle trolls

they puke gold.

- No we don't. I mean no they don't.

- I'll grab him. - I'll get the treasure.

I'm great at tickling!

- Ahh!

[ laughing ]

- Don't go there dude, don't go there.

- Anyway, you pull the pin, you throw it at your enemy...boom.

- Yea but, dude...listen there's a lot of splatter--

[ laughing ]

- Hey! - Whoa!

- Who are you? - Ayyy.

What are you doing with my troll?

- Arc! - Ryker!

- Ciara! - Schwoz?

- Hi!

- And Captain Man as "the hero".

- Hang on a second. You know these guys?

- Yes!

They took my kingdom from me!

- How dare you do that to this sweet man?!

- Sweet? He enslaved everyone in the kingdom!

- Then used mind control

to turn my own sister against me.

- They're making you sound pretty baaad, dude.

- Oh I am bad.

- Ooooh...Wait what?

- Wait hold on. Bad like bad bad?

Or bad like "I'm a bad mamma jamma"?

- Whatever bad means evil.

- What?!

- You're evil?!

- Oh yeah. Aren't you guys evil?

- No! - We're good guys!

Why would you think we're evil?!

- Uh...'cause you've got this underground lair,

tons of weapons, and a troll sl*ve?

- I'm not a troll!

- Ahh...Haha!

I see what happened here.

Classic misunderstanding.

Sooo...

Gonna need those weapons back real quick.

- Pretty firm grip, dude.

- Tell you what...

on the count of three

you're just gonna let go and give those--

- Get ready to suffer.

- How?

You gonna finish telling me that boring story

about your mom and that clown she was dating?

- It was my aunt.

And I'm not sure if they were dating.

- What are you doing? We should help him!

- No. He insulted Captain Man's story.

Now it's personal.

So, uh...you and your boyfriend

go into different dimensions a lot, or?

- Oh, we're not...

- He's not my boyfriend.

- Nice.

I don't know if they have music in your dimension,

but I'm in a band.

- You know your friend's

getting b*at up pretty bad, right?

- Alright you got me-- I'm not in a band.

But uh, I'm thinkin' about joining one...

as the star.

- Hey check it out.

I just stole the troll's wallet.

- Hey! Give that back!

- Arc, can you stop stealing for one second?

- I can't help it. It's my thing.

- Getting tired?

- I'm just gettin' started.

- Uh-oh.

He always says "I'm just gettin' started"

right before he's about to collapse.

I gotta go. - Let us help!

- Yeah! We're knights! In training.

- You're a thief, right?

- Okay, you got me. I stole your wallet too.

- What? No. - Oh.

- Yeah give me back my wallet. Never steal from me again.

- I just told you, it's kind of my thing.

- Listen, I got an idea!

- Wait...

Did you just say, "time out?"

I mean, I don't need one, myself,

but if you want to take five I'll let ya.

- Ahh! - Arrr!

- Oh wait wait! I don't need help.

But if you want to help me, I'll let ya.

- Schwoz, get the elevator button!

- Oh my God!

- Get out of the elevator!

Did you get the pin?

- Oh I got all ten!

- I said just get one!

- No I know... I really hate Ryker.

Plus it looks neat with one on each finger.

- Hey, Ryker!

Your story's boring.

- What? I wasn't telling a story.

[ boom ]

[ coughing ]

- Ohhhhh! - Yaaaaaahh!

- Gross! - Noooo!

- That does not look right.

- b*rned mamma jamma.

Nice job Henry.

- Who's Henry?

- So now I'm in the truck

with the clown, my aunt,

the kangaroo, and my cousin.

And we're on our way back to the bowling alley,

when we realize...

- The portal is about to open!

- Yessss!! - Oh, thank god...

- Wait, aren't you taking this guy with you?

- Uh, no. - No way.

- Well what should we do with him?

- Don't care. - Anything.

- Your dimension is weird. - Good luck with your band!

- Hey, I never got your number...

- Uhhh, four?

- That number does not help me!

- Still got it, though. - Yeah.

- So I was in high school, yea?

- Hey, you guys want to go upstairs and do anything else?

- Yes! Sounds like a plan. - Absolutely.

- I love anything else.

- Hey! Who's gonna hear my story?!

- Uhhhhh, him!

Byeeee...

- So I was in high school, right?

And my aunt, she met this clown.

Now I don't know if they were dating or not,

I didn't ask questions.

But something was definitely going on

cause they had... a connection.