01x11 - The Wrapture/Becoming Klaus

[bunniefuu]

[GHOSTLY VOCALIZING]

[RAP b*at PLAYING]

[GHOSTLY VOCALIZING]

[HARD ROCK PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

[MOANING]

[FOOD SCREECHING]

[YELPING, SHOUTING]

Guess who just got promoted

to Official Mummy
of Hotel Transylvania?

Ooh!
Sweet robe.

Who? Who?

He's also the only mummy
in Hotel Transylvania.

But a bus tour
full of centaurs
will be arriving soon...

♪

And they just can't
seem to get enough
of mummy artifacts,

especially real live ones.

Nice!

Those centaurs
are gonna be on you

like moss on a headstone.

You know, I don't get why

centaurs think mummies
are so cool.

It's a cultural thing.

They also believe
gremlins are lucky,
vampires are wise...

Huh.

Oh, and Gillmen
are made of poop.

Hmm?

Oh! Ah!

Whoa, easy does it, Ginger!

Back inside.

What's going on in there?

She's used to chilling
in my wraps,

but I took 'em off
to clean 'em,

hence the sweet robe.

First time for everything,
am I right?

Clean them?

And just where
are those wraps now?

Hanging out to dry
in the clubhouse, where else?

[CAKE CACKLING]

Ooh, devil's food cake!

Official mummy out!

Oh, no.

It's possible I might have
come across his wraps.

Whoa.

[GAGGING]

These things have to go.

[GRUNTING]

Go!

Ha! Bad riddance.

We have to
fix this, pronto!

Um, "We?"

Okay, we'll help.

You're so weak.

I can't help it,
I'm a monster pleaser.

Good. We've gotta get
Pedro new wraps.

And I know just the place.

[CACKLING]

[BELL RINGING, SCREECHING]

Hey, Maude.

Have you got anything
in a stinky old mummy wrap?

You want material,
be my guest.

[WHIMPERING]

Yikes.
Whoa!

Holy rabies.

You make a mess, though

and I'll turn you
into the most hideous
creature alive!

A unicorn!

I heard that, Maude.

Cram it, Bev.

You drop one pillowcase
and poof, unicorn.

No mess, got it.

[GROANS]

[GASPS]

This looks kinda the same.

Ooh, silky.

Someone's getting an upgrade.

Boom, problem solved.

Man, I'm good.

After this, I think I'm taking
the rest of the day off.

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Aunt Lydia. Hi.

What, uh...
What brings you here?

I am picking up my new
imported drapes.

[BELL RINGING, SCREECHING]

Here you go.

Made from the finest
poly-fester/rotten blend

ever farmed in the Yucatan.

And what pray tell
are you doing here?

Uh, something, something,

uh, ah, laundry?

Laundry.
Yes.

Ahem, uh, laundry.

♪ Last word

PEDRO:
Hey!

Here he comes, hide!

Easy, Ingmar.

The more we wrestle,
the more I dry out.

You want me to
turn to sand? Huh?

Right.

So, let me put
my wraps back on

before I waste away.

Huh?

Hey, guys.

Ooh.

How'd they get
so silky soft?

We put them in the dryer?

Whoa.

I should've washed these
a century ago.

Hank, wind me up!

My word,
I feel like a new mummy!

Thank you ever so much, Mavis!

Unholy moly,
it's like hugging a cloud.

You guys gotta try this.

It's like being
inside a cake.

Indeed, it is truly
transformative!

Okay, but since
when does Pedro

talk like a fancy
cemetery plot salesman?

Who cares?
He's happy, I rock.

Let's not ruin the moment
with your questions.

Okay...

♪

Good day, noble sir.

Great tidings, gentlemen.

Salutations, dear madam.

He's official now. He can use
big words if he wants.

And you just know Aunt Lydia's
gonna love it.

[POSH BRITISH ACCENT]:
Fancy a spot of tea, anyone?

[SIPPING]

[EXHALES]

Okay, fine, something's off.

They say the wraps make
the monster.

In Pedro's case,
maybe they're right.

At least there's
no harm done.

What is your problem?

No self-respecting mummy
drinks tea or plays cricket.

And since when do you
dance like that?

♪

Wow!

Egad!

Whatever has come over me?

This is most certainly
behavior that is uncommon.

Lydia, my sincerest apologies.

Mummies don't apologize!

Stop this immediately.

The tour bus
will be here soon

and the centaurs are sticklers
for accuracy!

And now you're shedding?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

It'll be a sunny day
in heaven

before I let you embarrass
this hotel.

You're fired!
Gavin, you're up!

Ahhh!

[GAVIN GROANING]

Your badge.

[GASPING]

[SPITTING]

What could have caused
this change?

Gadzooks!

Did I wash in error?

Are these freshly cleansed
strips

twisting me
into an elegant mirage?

[RATS SQUEAKING]

Rats are always the first
to leave a sinking ship.

Why would my wraps
treat me thus?

Because they're not
your wraps.

Say what?

Uh, we didn't realize
it was such a big deal,

but clearly it is.

I'm so sorry, Pedro.

I sort of accidentally
annihilated your old wraps.

But we'll fix it,
I promise.

[BELCHING]

Not my dragonflies.

Glen! Sue!

Yo.

And he's back?

Not for long.

Before, I was just too fancy
to be a mummy

but soon,
without the right wraps,

I'll be nothing
but a pile of sand.

[GASPS]

We need to get you
some new wraps! Stat!

[TEETH CHATTERING]

[GRUNTING]

Ahh!

Velvet?

[ITALIAN ACCENT]:
Mi amore!

[BLOWING KISSES]

A-too a-sweaty.

[SPUTTERING]

Track suit wraps?

Ay oh.

How you doin'?

Ahem!

[BLOWING WHISTLE]

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

Come on, guys,
this is serious.

Who made this mess?

ALL:
She did it!

[WHINNYING]

The gift shop is on overload
for the centaur tour group.

What better place
to learn about mummies.

Hurry.
I can't live like this!

Okie dokie,
The Big Book of Mummies.

Bit on the nose for a title

but, okay,
let's just see here.

"Wraps must be made

"from an extremely rare
poly-fester/rotten blend."

Oh, that's, like, impossible
to find.

Not impossible.

[WHISPERING, INDISTINCT]

Oh, no.

WENDY:
Aunt Lydia's drapes?

How do we get 'em
before Pedro turns
into a pile of sand?

Ahhh!

Hey!
That was my favorite pinkie!

Argh! The only way to distract
from us stealing the drapes

is with something much worse.

[SIGHS]
I'm on it.

Did she pay for that can

of "I Can't Believe
It's Not Hemoglobin"?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Aunt Lydia, big problem.

Gavin won't do the mummy
routine.

He refuses to come out
of his grave.

What? What did he say?

He said, "Argh, grr..."

That does sound like Gavin.

It does, but we'd better think
of something fast 'cause...

Oops.

[GROWLS]

Mavis Dracula,
what have you done?

Young people today have
no respect

for other people's things.

Now poor Darryl has to get
himself cleaned.

[COUGHS]
Talk about entitled.

Whoa, Darryl. Low blow.

In my day, young vampires
knew their place

and they stayed there...

Shh, shh.

...in the cellar
with the potatoes!

Till they were 240.

No!
"No!" is right!

Heh!

Rest assured, your father will
be hearing about this.

No!

I mean, uh,
please don't tell my dad.

But I must.

It's for your own good.

Oh!

Woo! I'm a curtain!

What have you done
to my drapes?

[ALL SCREAMING]

[THUDDING]

[ALL GASP]

Mavis, explain yourself.

Okay, okay.

We're so sorry.

But at least you've got
your hotel mummy back.

'Cause I fixed the problem

that I also caused.

[SIGHS]

I guess I'm grounded
for 100 years.

That would be too easy.

I have something far worse
in mind.

[GULPS]

Whee!

I don't see how this is worse.

Yeah, I could do this
all day.

Speak for yourself.

[BATS SQUEAKING]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Ha-ha!
Ha!

WENDY: What do you think
they're doing?

Same thing they always do

when her creepy
cousin comes to visit,

weird vampire stuff.

It's called a Vamp-Off.

It is an ancient
vampire custom.

And it's terrifying.

Look how scary I am.

Rabid Marauding Minotaur!

Juggling Circus Clown!

[BOTH YELLING]

Yeah. That's terrifying,
all right.

Do not mock our tradition.

Vampires have very long
memories.

Do you remember our first
Vamp-Off, Mavis?

I remember you cheated, Klaus.

It's "Klaus-hh"!

And obviously your memory
is fuzzy.

[GROWLING]

Zombie Mermaid. Eee!

Dying Swamp Creature!

[SQUEALING]

[GROWLS]

Whoa! Ah!

So graceful.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Go, Mavis.

Whoo!
Yes!

Oh!

[GROANING]

[LAUGHING]

Oh, yes,
so graceful.

I wish you could
see yourself.

Oh, wait, you can!

I literally hired him
just for the occasion.

I broke a fang?

[SHRIEKING]

Sheesh. It's just a fang.

Not like she saw...
A spider!

[SCREAMS]

What?

[BELL RINGING]
MAVIS: Hello?

Someone? Anyone?

Help!

So, what do we got here?

Wait. Let me guess,

teenager.

Please, Fang Fairy,
can you help me?

Say you can help me.

I can't walk around
with just one fang.

Okay, I'll see
what I can do.

Uh-uh.

Nope.

Ugh.

Ooh! Looks like we're
gonna need an exact match.

Ew. Why is it so sticky?

Don't you know anything
about science?

[PRINTER WHIRRING]

Here we go.
Your exact match is...

No!

[CACKLING]

I honestly still
cannot believe

you're donating
a fang to me.

This is so huge.

And also so unlike you.

We're family, Mavis,
and family sticks together.

Right.

[GIGGLING]

[GIGGLING]

Hmm.

This must be our destiny,
cousin.

I was born
with a spare fang

tucked in the back
of my mouth.

I'd always thought it was
for a rainy day.

Today must be that rainy day.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Whoops, sorry about that.

Been meaning
to get it fixed.

Now, which of you is getting
a leg amputated?

Him!
Her!

MAVIS: Huh?

[GASPS]
How do I look?

Why don't you ask our in-house
X-ray sketch artist?

Oh! It's perfect!

It is?

I mean, it is. Yes.

Klaus, I don't know how
I'll ever thank you for this.

Oh, don't worry.

I'm sure we'll always
remember it.

[CACKLING]

Oh.

Watch where you're going!

What a guy.

Maybe I've misjudged him.

Uh, he's Klaus.

He's the worst.

He probably gave you that fang
to conduct surveillance.

The antenna's gotta be
in there somewhere.

[CRASHING]

Look...
[SLURPING]

This morning, I was living

every teenage vampire's
worst daydream,

but now thanks to Klaus,
I have two fangs

and can walk around
without a bag on my head.

That bag was very fetching.

Thank you.

But let's lay off Klaus.

He did something good.

He saved me.

Man, I got a bad feeling
about this.

Probably 'cause you're sitting

on all Dr. Gillman's
operating tools.

Huh?

Yep, that's it.

[SCREAMS]

[TEETH CHATTERING]

[SLURPING DRINK]

Watch where you're going!

Yo. We were gonna ask if
you wanted to play some ball,

but you look pretty mad.

Like, Klaus mad.

Wooo!

I think you were right, dude.

There's probably a
mind-controlling microchip
in his fang.

Love the new hair, though.

My hair?

Listen, Klaus's fang
is not controlling me.

I just got startled, is all.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I gotta get changed.

[WENDY GIGGLING]

[GASPS] My clothes.

I've been robbed.

Ooh, a ransom note.

"Your clothes have been taken
to laundry services.

"XO, Housekeeping."

Okay, so more
of a "note" note.

None of my clothes will be
ready till tomorrow?

What am I gonna wear?

Lost and found.
Read it and weep.

Looks a little small.

[MAVIS GRUNTING]

How am I supposed to
walk in this?

[SIGHS]

May as well see what
the g*ng is up to and...

Huh?

[LAUGHING]

Come on, let me take one sh*t.

It's your old buddy, Klaus.

It's just like having
Mavis around,

except better.

[GRUNTS]

Ha-ha.

Dude, you are nothing
like Mavis.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Holy rabies.

[GASP]

[LAUGHING]

That is so her.

It's like I'm looking
in a vampire mirror,

even though
that makes no sense.

[LAUGHING]

[GASPS] Now they find
"Klaus-hh" funny?

Holy rabies.

Did I just say "Klaus-hh"?

Ah. I did it again.

Oh, hi, Klaus.

How's the mouth?

What? Klaus-hh?

I'm Mavis-hh.

Look at me. Mavis-hh.

Sure looks like
Klaus to me.

[GASPS]

[SCREAMS]

[DR. GILLMAN LAUGHING]

He gave you that fang
to conduct surveillance.

Probably a mind-controlling
microchip.

Oh, hi, Klaus.

Come on, Mavis,
you can figure it out.

A-ha.

Attention, everyone.

I have critical fang-related
news to inform you of.

Hotel office, five minutes.

I'm sure
it's not important.

It totally is!

Rats.

Ah! Rats.

MAVIS:
You're probably wondering
why I called you all here.

Well, wonder no more.

[GASPS]

Hold your gasps
till the end, please.

HANK: Whoa.

Hi there.

Thanks.

At first, it seemed
so innocent,

Klaus donating his fang to me.

But now,
I see right through his plan.

First, he soaked the gym floor
to make it super slippery,

knowing I'd slip and fall
and break my fang.

Then he commissioned
a very realistic costume

and pretended
to be the Fang Fairy.

[SNICKERING]

You gave Dr. Gillman a fang
that you said was yours.

Ah.

But actually was from
Pedro's pet mongoose.

Roberto?

MAVIS: He spooked the witches,

making them crash into me
and ruin my hair and clothes.

Then you shredded my clothes

so I'd have to go to the lost
and found, and wear this.

And now, because of his
messed-up plan,

I look exactly like Klaus.

[KLAUS GIGGLING]

Um, why?

Okay, that part I haven't
quite figured out yet, but...

Wait, wait.

Stop. Seriously.

No offense, Mavis,
we love you and all,

but that just sounds crazy.

But it was your idea.

Yep.

A pretty bad one, too.

Why would you take us
seriously?

I mean, no one
ever takes us seriously.

See you for hot lava yoga.

For sure.

No. Stop.

Argh.

Why won't anyone believe me?

[KLAUS CLAPPING]

Congratulations
on being so wrong.

Want to know how I did it?

Well, like any evil
crazy person,

I assume you'll tell me
regardless.

True.

I noticed Mr. Donaldson
was sweating

and he made a big puddle.

[CACKLING]

I bribed my harp teacher,
Ronnie,

to pretend to be
the Fang Fairy,

and I scared those rotten
witches good.

[CHIPMUNK CHATTERS]

Then I put on my sporty gear
to go steal your friends,

while I left my clothes
in the lost and found.

[KLAUS LAUGHS]

"Property of Klaus.
Claws off."

Ugh. How'd I miss that?

Wait, what about
the extra fang?

Nature's lottery ticket.

I was actually born with five.

Ew. Gross.

I didn't say
it would be pretty.

So, wait. I actually did
figure it all out.

You set me up just to get
your fang transplanted?

But why?

I already told you.

Remember?
Our first Vamp-Off.

[SIGHS] You win.

I guess.

Yes. I am the Vamp-Off King.

Booty shaking, booty shaking,
booty in your face, ah.

[GROANING]
Good game.

Up high.

Down low.

Too slow.

Too slow.

I'll show you too slow!

And 76 short years later,
revenge.

You and your friends
laughed at me?

Well, now I've stolen
your friends.

To laugh at you.
[CACKLING]

You did?

Yes. Of course I did.

I turned Mavis into a creature
so hideous

that instead you'd
want to hang with your
lovable pal, Klaus.

But you basically turned
Mavis into you.

Exactly. And...

Oh. I see.

And anyway,
Mavis is our best bud.

We go together like
blood and guts.

We aren't dumping her
for any Klaus-come-lately.

It's Klaus-hh.

Well, whatever it was,
you got me.

Good one, Klaus-hh.

Psych. Too slow.

[LAUGHING]

Yes, psych.

We'll see who gets
the last laugh, Mavis.

MAVIS:
We can still hear you.

Rats.

[SCREAMS] Rats!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Ha-ha.

[YIPPING, SHOUTING]

Ha-ha.

[YIPPING, SHOUTING]

Ha-ha.

[YIPPING, SHOUTING]