01x09 - Curse Club/Casket If You Can

[bunniefuu]

(Thundering)

♪

(Screaming)

♪

(Snoring)
Pedro.

Pedro!

Pedro!
Wah!

Aunt Lydia made me
dump out your mailbox

since it's only been
piling up for half a century.

I have a mail box?!
No way!

Ooh.

This one's from my man Murray.

"Dear Pedro, don't embarrass me
at my boy Drac's hotel.

"Oh, and I left a
refried screams burrito

"under the bed a years ago.
You can have it."

Sweet!

Mmm.
Free range maggots.

Huh?
Yay!

The ancient scroll of Four-Ply.

I mean,
it's just toilet paper.

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

Grow hairy toenails!

I just hauled
all your mail up.

Grow 'em yourself. Ah!

Hah!

I am trying to curse you!

This is my official invitation

to compete in the
prestigious Curse Club!

Tongue made of earwax!

What's Curse Cl-- Ugh!

Aw! It's happening
all over again.

What kind of
a mummy can't curse?

I'll be thrown out
of every Mummy group!

I remember when I tried
to lay my first curse.

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation in high-pitch)

Grow hairy toenails!

(All laughing)

But it didn't work.

My mummy told me, one day,
I'd be invited to Curse Club,

and on that day, I'd finally
be able to lay a curse.

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

Witch warts for eyeballs!

Um, I have to say
I'm pretty happy

this isn't working out for you.

(Sighing)
This is so humiliating.

(Loud munching sounds)

(Belching)

I'm gonna go now.

Pedro's been trying
his whole life

and still can't throw a curse.

Dude's cursed,
except, y'know, not.

You can't fake that stuff.

(Gasping)
Whoa!

I just got a genius idea!

(Scoffing)
I hate to be critical, Mavis,

but do you ever feel like
it's your "genius ideas"

that get you into trouble?

Ooh, Wendy, you can't make the
same mistake nine times. I hope.

Hey, Pedro!
Looking good!

I was telling Hank and Wendy

about the cool curses
you were throwing.

Except I wasn't.
I'm a mummy that can't curse!

I might as well be a...
whatever Wendy is.

I'm a blob, thank you very much.

You know, in some fish cultures,
we're considered royalty.

Your Majesty.

Come on, give it a try.
Do it! Do it! Do it!

Please do it, so she stops.
Do it! Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it! Do it!

Seriously, I'm very supportive
and even I hate it.

(Sighing)
Fine.

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

Howl like a werewolf!

(Howling)

(Gasping)
(Howling)

I did it!
She's howling!

I cursed Mavis!
Yes, I did!

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

Hank and Wendy-- swap bodies!

(Gasping)

I'm Hank!

Ah, Look at me.
Ooh, I'm a blob.

I have a name, you know.

I did it again!

Woo-hoo! I can curse!

Is he gone?

Yup. Did you see
how happy he was?

We did a good thing there,
pretending to be cursed.

No, I didn't see anything.

And all we did was give him
a false sense of confidence.

Exactly. Now, he can take some
pressure off his wraps.

And all we have to do is
pretend for a little while.

What's the worst
that could happen?

Don't you ever get
tired of saying that?

Not really, no.

Hope you enjoyed your stay!

(Pedro laughing)

Uh...
(Howling)

(Gasping)

Sorry! Whatever I said,
I probably didn't mean it!

Come again!

(In high-pitch:) Hi, Pedro!
Bleeeb, Blob, blob.

I do not sound like that.

Lookit, you guys.

I've been waitin' my whole life
to throw a curse and now,

I'm doin' it all over the place.

Check this out!

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

You have two eyeballs!

(Gasping)
It's not pretty,

but still, two eyeballs, baby!

Aww, yeah!

I'm so happy for you!

I'm sure "Hank" is, too.

Y'know if we knew
where he was.

(Scatting)

Elevator up to
the penthouse, please?

Oh my, we're going down!

Ah, guess it looks
like this mummy

is finally ready for Curse Club!

(Gasping)
Curse Club?!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the big deal?

You couldn't have
asked that before?!

(Growling)

Welcome to another exciting
night of Curse Club,

where mummies
lay curses on each other

until one walks away a champion!

(Grunting)
That's right, Skip.

First rule of Curse Club is

tell all your friends
about Curse Club!

We're trying to
get the name out there.

Uh-oh.

Now look what you've done!

You're about to see Pedro
go bandage-to-bandage

in a battle of curses
against another mummy.

A real one!

(Gulping)
Who?

(Growling)

Oh, she is gonna crush Pedro.
You've gotta do something.

Why me?!

Oh, right.
Fake curses and all.

(Speaking Blobbish)

He says you're late
for your daddy-daughter lunch.

But I'm not Wendy!

Although, I do like
a free lunch.

Wait a sec, if we're
all in the Cerberus pit,

where's the Cerberus?

Uh-oh.

Oh, you're a nice
doggy aren't you?

Yes, you're very soft.

So, we're just waiting
for a mummy dumb enough

to get into the hexagon
with Queen Tutanhammer!

(Grunting)

Whaddya mean there's
someone there?

Oh, it's Pedro!

I couldn't see him behind
his behemoth of an opponent.

I guess he's dumb enough.

I mean, why would anyone want
to battle her on purpose?

(Screaming in frustration)

Okay, fine. I'll fix it.

You don't have to be
so obvious about it!

Mavis!

Get outta here!
You're gonna get clobbered!

No, you are.

It's kina, sorta, very possible

that you didn't actually curse
me or anyone.

I faked it. I even drew
an eye on Mr. Donaldson.

And it won't come off!
Sorry!

Come on, you're just
saying all that

to get me out of the hexagon.

Yes, because we faked it!

You can't lay a curse
to save your life!

Oh, yeah?

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

I curse you to be
a vampire forever!

Boom, done, run along now!

But-but-but...

And now for the
ceremonial offerings.

Each mummy puts up what is
nearest and dearest to them.

See you real soon, Mom!

I'm so proud of you,
baby girl!

(Snapping)

PEDRO:
My half-off burrito,
one-of-a-kind, VIP club card.

(Bell ringing)

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

Spider web! Ah!

(Groaning)

You're finished.

He's right!

Hmm...
You're right. I can do this!

No one said that!

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

Turn to mush!

(Laughing)

Uh...

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

(Grunting)

Yes, Skip, of course I'm sure
Mavis know's what she's doing.

She always was the
"brains" of the family!

(Grunting)

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

Looks like Queen Tut is gonna
send Mavis into Oblivion,

which is actually quite
nice this time of year.

(Grunting)

Come on, I'm tryin' to
lighten the mood, Skip.

My niece is gettin'
pummeled out there!

Mavis, get outta there!

(Laughing)

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

Grow hairy toenails!

Did you just say
"grow hairy toenails?!"

Oh, no, she di'nt.
That one is mine!

And no one curses my friends!

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

(Speaking unintelligible
incantation)

Monkey Tail!

Mouth sewn shut!

(Muffled speaking)

Yikes! Now he sounds
like you, Skipper.

And if he can't speak, it's
over!

(Bell ringing)
Looks like Queen Tutanhammer's

gonna be bathing in
burritos tonight!

Hah!

Half-off burritos!

(Muffled speaking)

Pedro, I'm sorry you
lost your burritos.

And I'm sorry you had
to go through

all those embarrassing curses.

(Laughing)
It's okay.

I'm pretty sure the
curses have worn off already.

(Gasping)
Kapow!

It worked! I can do it!

I shouldn't have been shuttin'
my eyes all this time!

What worked?

Uh, nothing.
Never mind.

Hey, what ever happened
to Hank and Wendy?

Ahem. Could you pass the
wartstershire sauce, Daddy?

(Speaking Blobbish)

Thanks.

Oh yes, who's a good doggie?

Yes, you are!

Who's the softest doggie
in the world? Ooh, ooh!

CH
LYDIA:
Diane! I cannot believe you're
abandoning me like this

in my time of need!

Talk about selfish!

Everything okay, Aunt Lydia?

Ugh! Diane has a chicken pock

and she's being
so dramatic about it!

I bet she's not even sick.

(Violin playing)

Ah, just as I suspected.

Boo-berry!

(Coughing)
Chicken pock!

MAVIS:
Ooh!

Look who ordered a deluxe
afternoon nap from room service!

This isn't a sleeping casket,
it's a rejuvenating casket.

So, what's it do?

If you must know,

it keeps my bones
from turning to dust.

A thousand years can really
take it's toll on a vampire.

You'll see soon enough.
Oh, right.

And since Diane has
flown the coop!

Who's going to sit for an hour
and guard the casket now?

Um, not to brag,

but doing things for an hour
is kinda my thing.

No one thinks that's a brag.

I'm awesome at--
but not limited to--

waiting for one hour
dry-cleaning,

taking one hour lunch breaks,

listing things I can do
in an hour in an hour.

(Sighing)
Very well.

I shall put my faith
in this very specific

and seemingly insignificant
skill of yours.

But, I am not to be disturbed
no matter the situation.

And if I awake
with bones of dust,

I will haunt your soul forever!

(Gulping)
Self-combusts.

Gotcha.

♪ Stuck in this room
for one hour ♪

♪ Not gonna be bored
whatsoever! ♪

♪ One hour, one hour,
one hour, yeah! ♪

(Joints cracking)

Ah-ha!
Just as I thought,

this rug measures
three and a half me's.

Boom drac-a-lacka!

(Clearing throat)

"101 Ways to Count to Sixty."

1-Transylvania, 2-Transylvania,
3-Transylvania...

(Slurping)

Ahh...

Ah!

That was only two minutes?! Ugh!

And now, I gotta go
to the bathroom.

How am I gonna do that
if I can't leave the room?

Uh...
Um...

Nah, better not.

Maybe I can hold it for...
57 and a half minutes?!

Guard this casket
with your life!

(Shuddering)
Okay, I'll just be a minute.

What could go wrong
in one minute?

Stay.
Stay, casket.

Good casket.

Everything the chicken
touched is contaminated.

It's all gotta go!

This, this, this.
Especially this.

Uh, the painting's contagious?

No, but it'll really
brighten up my waiting room.

(Gasping)
What happened?

Ah!

Where is everything?

Where's the casket?!

Check these out!

What?
No.

(Gasping)

The casket is out
with the trash?!

You could've led with that!

Yeah, but I look super cute
in the cooking one.

True.

♪ We're gunna
drive, drive, drive ♪

♪ Until you sleep,
sleep, sleep! ♪

Wait a sec, hold the mayo!

(Tires screeching)

(Screaming excitedly)
Do you know what this is?!

It's an antique bread box.

Oh! I know your mother
said no more junk,

but this isn't junk.

(Tires screeching)

Tell me Donald Cartright,
a known human,

didn't just drive off with Aunt
Lydia, a known human-hater.

Donald Cartwright,
a known human,

didn't just drive off with Aunt
Lydia, a known human-hater.

You're just saying that!

Because you told me to.

I have 45 minutes
to get her back

or I'm gonna self combust!
(Screaming)

(Screaming echoing)

Ah! I should've known Kitty

would never let me
keep you in the house.

I think she's jealous
of the jazzy wheels I added.

She'd k*ll for a pair
of wheels like that!

Hmm.. What do you think
we should do with it?

(Making baby talk)

You think it'd be
a nice ice box?

(Giggling)
Okay!

Give daddy a hand, sweetie!

(Giggling)

Or a toolbox!
Hmm?

(Both laughing)

(Making baby talk)

Yes!

We could cut it up into
teeny-tiny flower planters!

Mommy loves miniatures!
BRB with an axe!

Don't go anywhere!
Ha-ha! As if.

As if you would!
I'll be right back!

Cut her in to
teeny tiny pieces?!

(Gasping)
This is serious. Look!

He put wheels on it!

(Gasping)

Pedro, assume the position!

(Laughing)

I put the "fly" in "fishing."

Whee!

Hook it.

Nice cast!

We got a live one!

(Screaming)

Pedro, don't let go
of the casket!

That's not a problem!

Uh-oh.
Pedro, let go of the casket!

(Screaming)

(Screaming)

Ha-ha! And that's how
Mumgee jumping is done!

I can't look.

Hey!
Not looking is my thing.

Maybe the casket fell into a
roofless pillow factory!

We don't know.

Nope. Not unless
pillow factories

look like flimsy tree branches.

(Gasping)
It's safe!

Okay, nobody move a muscle.

Ah! Bee!

Oh! Oh!

(Screaming)

(Screaming)

Oh, I see the problem.

What you shoulda said was,
"nobody swat a bee,

"dive over the cliff,
and land on the casket."

Come on!

I'm back!

Box?
Where are you buddy? Hello?

♪ Now here's a little ditty
'bout a casket on the loose ♪

♪ Speedin' like a train,
cargo in caboose ♪

♪ 28 minutes said the number
on the clock ♪

♪ Till Mavis goes bye-bye,
tick-tock-tick-tock ♪

♪ Babysit a casket was
all she had'ta do, jeez ♪

Hey what's chasing you kids,
is that--

Bees!
Why is it always bees?!

(Screaming)

(Roaring)

(Chittering)

Come on, pillow factory!

♪ Didn't see that coming,
what an unexpected twist ♪

♪ Is it curtains for the kids? ♪

♪ Will they cease to exist? ♪

(All screaming)

C-c-can we take
the long way home?

(Gasping)

Uh, yeah, sure!
We've got loads of time.

We can totally
take the long way.

Yes!

(Frank screaming)

One minute!
(Gasping)

(All screaming)

PEDRO:
Ha-ha!

Nobody look!

(Clucking)

(Clucking)

A flying casket?

Your fever must
be getting worse.

More ice!

(Clucking)

Hank, I need to see to steer!

Ah! Flip-flop casket roll! Now!

Ha-ha!
How low can we go?

Just low enough!

FRANK:
Slow down!

This doesn't come with brakes.

(Frank screaming)

I got this!

Whee!

(Laughing)
Look at that!

Whee!

And just in time!

(All straining)

ALL:
Three, two, one.

(Bell dinging)

(Sighing with relief)

I feel great!

But you look
terrible, child.

How taxing can it be
to just watch something?

You have no idea.

What did I tell ya, huh?
Safe and sound.

Mavis the casket-watcher
to the rescue.

I suppose I
underestimated your ability

to sit and stare at something.

What happened to my room?!

Um, ah, well, ah, all you
said was guard the casket

with your life
and, ah, believe me, we did.

Everything Diane touched
had to be thrown out--

moved out to my office
for... observation.

Ah, well, at least
that spiteful chicken

didn't get her claws
on my casket.

Toss the casket.

And the bird!

(Clucking)

(Straining)
Phew!

Who knew watching a
rejuvenation casket for an hour

could make you so tired?

(Clucking)

Gah! There she is!

(Brakes squealing)

(Screaming happily)
I can't believe it!

(Laughing)

I knew you'd find your way back
to me. I just knew it!

Thank you pillow factory!