04x08 - Davey's House

[bunniefuu]

Cardi, what the f*ck you doing?

It's five in the morning.

I got up to check on him.

He's getting worse.

It's his breathing.

I've had him a long time, Carol.

I k-k-know when he's not well...

Well, will I call the vet?

What are they gonna do?

S-s-stick a needle in him

like they did with Weasel

when I was six?

Ah, now. You said yourself,

the Weasel had the, the mange,

and the cataracts, and the

diabetes and that, a weeping cyst.

Yeah, but they still took him

away from me, didn't they?

They took him away

and they k*lled him.

Ah...

..something like that.

On this very sad occasion, let us

stop and reflect on Nigel's life.

Let's take a moment

to try and remember him

in the best way that we know how.

♪ The first time...

Look what f*cking Cardi brought in!

He's been with me

for the last three hours.

Hey, give him a kiss!

I don't want to.

Kiss Nigel on his beak.

I don't want to. Well done, you.

Muah! Look, he's shat on you now.

Well, it's a horse and that's

what horses do. Oh, you dirty...!

Nigel!

This is Nigel, the brains

of the operation.

♪ ..rose in your eyes...

Just me and you.

And your little friend.

You've scared him now!

Bloody hell, who's done that

to Nigel? He looks f*cking ace!

♪ ..were the gifts you gave...

I never liked him anyway.

He had a meanness in his face.

Well, shut the f*ck up, Jim.

Just saying!

They used to carry

messages during the w*r.

You don't know who's

side they're on! Shh!

Now before we do lay

Nigel down into the ground,

Cardi, would like to say a few words?

Yeah. Erm...

I found this..

..er, on, er... On the internet.

It's erm, not.. I, not my...

I didn't, mm... It's my

feeling that I want to...

How I feel. It's a poem.

- OK.

- k*ll me now.

I will give

you a big hug anytime,

because you call me friend.

Cardi, Cardi? I will wipe away

your tears, because you...

What? Sorry, man. Just come over

here to us a minute, will you?

- f*cking Davey! Christ.

- The f*ck do they want?

It's all right. Sorry,

sweetheart. Sorry, Davey.

What's going on here, then?

We're having a private gathering,

saying bye to a

close friend of ours.

You burying a pigeon?

Yeah. Mm-hm.

And we're halfway

through a eulogy, so...

Is it in that coffin?

Yeah.

Please don't touch him!

It's all right, Cardi.

Tiny, in't it?

What did it die of? Canker.

Cancer? Canker! It's an ulcer

thing, that the birds do get.

Davey, come on...

Please, just... He's my friend, man!

Davey. Davey, please don't.

Oh, God! No, man...

MacDonagh, put the coffin down.

Or you'll do what?

Just come on. 'Ere.

Whoopsy!

You bastard!

You f*cking bastard!

Sugar! Leave it, Barry.

It's all right.

Come on. All right.

That was interesting.

I didn't know you had it in you.

That's gonna leave a mark, that.

Well, this seems to have descended.

What's with that face, Dylan?

Nothing. Looking at me like I'm dog

sh*t on the bottom of your shoe.

Yeah. Because you

pushed over a woman.

Standing up for your girl,

I admire that.

But you come at me again, garage boy,

you're gonna be fixing cars

with ten broken pinkies.

Vincent, call me tomorrow.

Important business.

Enjoy your featherish funeral.

JJ, are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm good, man.

Listen, I'm sorry guys, OK?

I was just a bit scared.

In case he hurt our baby.

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

f*cking hell!

♪ Oh, what

a wonderful thing...

..one of these for a while.

Come here, JJ!

You finally, finally slipped one

past the goalkeeper, didn't you?

- Are you nervous about it?

- Yeah, man. Nervous, excited.

It's all a bit new to us, innit?

I'm excited. But it's early days,

though. Don't want to tempt fate.

Congratulations to you both. Yeah.

Mate, you're gonna be

the most amazing mum!

She might not.

Big responsibility, kids.

You wipe their arse as babies,

and then when they get older,

they don't wanna know you.

Won't visit in case you embarrass

them in front of their friends.

I got my arse out once.

For a joke!

It was f*cking Christmas.

I was wearing a f*cking Santa hat,

and dancing around to Holly Jolly

Christmas by Michael f*cking Buble.

I mean, anyone

can see that's a joke!

I had tinsel in me pubes,

for f*ck's sake! Oh, Jesus.

This can't go on, dude.

This MacDonaghs stuff...

It's as, it's as bad

as dealing with McCann.

That could have turned nasty out

there with JJ. Very nasty indeed.

Well, I mean, we need to

break away, obviously, don't we?

Yeah, how we gonna do that?

They're the ones who sell the weed.

I've had a bit of an idea.

We can't tell the others.

I think us three need to go out,

have a bit of a trip tomorrow.

Trip? Where to?

Manolito.

And this time, if he thinks

I'm getting in that jacuzzi,

he'll be very much mistaken.

Tell me, what do you want?

Well, we've just come,

to apologise again,

just for this exotic zoo ice,

ridiculous f*cking situation.

It was a debacle and I'm sorry.

All right? Feel guilty about it.

Won't blame you for not

trusting us either.

I really f*cking mean that.

I really do mean that.

You know, I...

I've come here today...

..with an open...hand.

You know, of, of recon, er...

Reconciliation.

Yeah, dude! For real.

Reconciliation. All right?

It's a business deal

that'll benefit yourself

and it will also benefit us.

OK. Like Dumbo the elephant,

I'm all ears.

Look, the way we see it, yeah?

You're the man who sells the weed,

and you've got an online empire,

you're doing very well. Very well.

And we're the growers. And

you said so yourself, dude.

We provide you with

an excellent product. Hm.

Superb plant. It is superb!

Thank you. We are known locally

as the wizards of weed.

Look... You, you sell it, all right?

And you sell it f*cking well.

We grow it, and we grow it well,

so just tell me where

the MacDonaghs fit in,

what do they actually do?

How do you mean?

They, they're just the bridge.

They're just a bridge

between you and us.

Even if, we just f*ck the bridge.

f*ck the bridge.

f*ck the bridge! f*ck it.

Right up its bridge arsehole.

You know, what if

we all just realised...

That there was no need for a

bridge because there was in fact,

a lovely little country lane.

With a pub.

And what's that?

A delightful duck pond. Nice!

So we lose the bridge

and make more money?

Oh, dude, a lot!

A lot. Lot of money.

They would not be happy. Depends

what you tell 'em, don't it?

Just say, you know,

"I've changed suppliers.

"Ergo, I've no more need

for your product." Badaboom!

Eh... Sorry, gentlemen.

I'm an honourable man.

I have a business arrangement

with the MacDonagh Brothers

I cannot renege on.

Johnathan, bring the robes!

Cheers, doc.

Oi, what the f*ck are you doing here?

Nosey sh*t the crow.

Oh, is it private, like

an old man bumhole thing?

As a matter of fact, it is private.

I come for some Viagra,

on prescription. Oh?

sh*t! Listen. For f*ck's sake.

What are you getting Viagra for, man?

You ain't shagging anyone!

- I'm not shagging anyone.

- Vincent O'Neal?

So, what do you want it for then?

I like the feeling...

When I'm in the bath,

or lay on the bed.

Sound? I've a massive stork on.

All right, weird.

I don't pull it! I don't care.

It just stands there,

like Nelson's column.

For hours. Right.

I'm off home for a bath, Vin.

See you later!

I'm just so sorry love.

f*ck me! Awful man.

Cancer? Canker.

"Canker"? Canker. Sounds like you're

saying "cancer" in a baby voice.

No, it kills pigeons. And

he's f*cking heart broken now.

You know, he's going through

all the stages of grief.

'First it was denial...'

I don't think he's really dead.

I think his spirit

will live on in this flat!

And then, it was anger...

For God's sake!

And I forgot the third one.

Bargaining. Barg... No! f*cking

self-disgust it was, I think.

I k*lled him.

Cos I couldn't look after him,

cos I'm a lazy, disgusting slob!

Don't think that's an

official stage, is it?

Well, either way, he's f*ckin'

heartbroken, lost his best mate.

We'll have to snap him out of it.

Well, I don't know.

Grief takes a while, it ripples on

for months, sometimes years.

Why don't you just treat

him like a dead goldfish,

just flush him down

the bog and get a new one?

You can't flush a f*cking

pigeon down the toilet.

You know. You saying

just replace him?

No not a replacement,

more of a sequel, "son of Nigel".

Tell him there's

a family connection,

it's his cousin or something.

It's lying to him though, innit?

Do you know what I mean? It's a

white lie, to make him feel better.

All right, so what? Like,

a reincarnation situation.

Of a pigeon? Too much, innit?

No, I'd stick to the family

connection. All right.

I think I treat someone

who breeds pigeons.

Shall I fetch his number up?

f*cking yes! Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, this is him. Marlon Clegg.

Ooh... Also known as "Drill Bit".

What do you call him Drill Bit for?

Cos he's a small, boring tool.

Ah!

Now listen, we want you

to stay very, very quiet now.

Because there is a very special

individual, on this f*ck truck.

All right? So, let's have

a really quiet drum roll.

Drum roll. Quiet drum roll.

Very quiet, very quiet!

- And the reveal...

- Ta-da!

Oh.

It's not Nigel. No, it's not Nigel.

It's never gonna be Nigel.

No, it's not Nigel, but I

want you to listen to me now,

cos this is really important, this.

This is a life lesson

for all of us, yeah?

This...

.. is the next generation of Pige.

You know, it's,

it's new and improved.

It's like the f*cking, erm...

Circle of life. The circle of life.

The circle, yeah.

You've got antelope, they're

scoffing up all the grass.

They crap that out. More grass

grows, more antelope do, er...

Look. Listen, listen. Right.

One day, the sun is

gonna set on all of us.

Yeah? And our bodies

become the earth.

And new life springs...

That's true.

Yeah?

Now, this little fella's life

is just beginning, Cardi.

And, and Nigel, yeah? Nigel

would want him to...flourish.

Take him to Church.

Take him to Church!

That's so beautiful. Amen!

Come on.

Look at his little face there.

look at the lad.

Have a quick look. All wrapped up,

like a cheeky little pasty there!

Like a lovely burrito.

Dude. I mean, come ed, man.

He's gorgeous. Kiss his face.

Hiyah! Kiss his nervous nose...

Bit sexual!

Oh, he loves you.

I'll call him Alan.

You shan't call him Alan.

It's always a terrible name, dude.

It sounds like a f*cking...

..manager at a mid-sized Netto.

It really does.

It's all right, Alan. Ignore them.

Hello, Alan.

Bloody hell!

Lucky number.

What can we do for you?

I'm here strictly for business. Hm.

He is a big boy, no?

His d*ck is so big,

it's a medical mystery.

Face melter.

So, I have been

thinking about your offer.

It kept me up late last night,

I was tossing and turning in bed.

And at 3am, I get up,

and make myself an omelette,

and I make myself the decision.

Hm. Bless him.

You are right. They are terrible

people. We cut them out.

But on one condition. Mm-hm.

Davey has some, er,

photography of me.

Here we go...

It was a birthday party, in a hotel.

I was a little drunk,

I got a little carried away.

I happen to know he keeps them

on a laptop in his home office,

and on an external hard drive. But

don't worry, he is not technical.

He does not keep them on the

Cloud - he thinks the Cloud

is where the rain comes from! He

doesn't even know how to PDF a file.

And your friends,

clearly excellent thieves...

You get those items back and I

cut those bastards off forever.

Now if Davey finds out

that we've been his gaff,

he'll f*cking k*ll us all.

Balls off.

There is risk, of course. But in

the words of the great bearded one,

Noel Edmonds -

it's deal or no deal.

Noel Edmonds. I didn't

see that coming. I didn't.

Right, so we're gotta

break into the MacDonaghs?

Are you insane?

No! It's a good idea.

And it's not the MacDonaghs -

they don't live together

like Bert and f*cking Ernie.

We're breaking into Davey's house.

They slept in the same bed,

them two, Bert and Ernie.

I'm just saying.

Just saying what?

Just saying they, they shared a bed.

Ernie was always

in them rainbow tops.

All right. Oh, right, yeah,

Bert and Ernie. Yeah, they're gay.

While where at it,

Big Bird, I'd say bisexual.

And Cookie Monster, putting it

out there, cum-hungry f*ck pig!

And once again, we seem to have gone

wildly off topic, from

getting ourselves m*rder*d

to f*cking puppets. What the f*ck

is wrong with you now, Dylan?

Well, I just.. Getting into

bed with people like this..

Like we have done in the

hope of getting rich, dude...

One of us is gonna get k*lled.

They're dangerous people.

Look how they hunted down Jihan,

they're not just gonna let us

- walk away from this.

- Yeah, Dylan's right.

I mean, first McCann, now these

guys. It's f*cking, it is dangerous.

It is. I don't like... Look,

I'm f*cking sh1tting it too.

I'm not happy about this

situation. Listen to me.

If we're not in business with 'em,

we're no f*cking use to 'em, are we?

Yeah. Well, all right.

Let's just do it, then. Yeah.

JJ, you have the floor.

OK, yeah! Plan.

'Right, so we went to

look the house yesterday.

'It's actually a big house.

It's massive, it's nice.

'It's got a full-on alarm system,

not gonna lie.

'But low front gate,

and side access.'

If I take you upstairs, at

the back, there is a window.

I'm thinking it's leading to like

a bedroom-bathroom situation.

So if we can get up there and

penetrate all the upper floors,

that's our way in. How are

we supposed to get up there?

Cleaners, window cleaners.

Window cleaners, yeah! Oh, right.

Got all the gear. Great big levers!

What happens when the alarm goes

off, when you go on the property?

'A-ha! So, from where

we're sat in the van,

'I can just about see the alarm

code panel. So I'm thinking...

f*cking hell! '..we film him

when he leaves the house.

'I will then enlarge the image,

and I'll be able to see'

- the four digits.

- This guy. This fucker.

He's a genius, I... That

child will be a child genius.

One problem. We need to know when

the fucker's leaving the house.

Because he needs to be gone for,

like, what? At least an hour.

We need to figure out

a way of bugging his phone,

or decoding his, er, language.

What? Well, there's no way of

doing that. You can't install

a bugging device unless you've

got access to the house.

Catch-22. It is that. Is it? Yeah.

Catch-23? It's not, it's a Catch-22.

You got it the first time.

You had it. I've got it! Teddy cam.

Right, I've been looking

for things for babies online.

There, there's a mountains

of stuff, it's ridiculous.

But there's this thing, teddy cam.

What is it?

So like, it's to keep

an eye on little kids

when you're not in the room,

or babysitters while you're out.

It's got sound and vision, and

it can record for, like, three days

before the battery goes. Now

that is an excellent idea, Sugar.

It really is, and listen,

I respect you, both as a friend

and latterly, as a women

in your own right. But...

..he's a grown man, he won't

want a f*cking teddy, will he?

No, but if we send him one, he's not

gonna chuck it in the bin, is he?

Ooh, ooh! sh*t! What's he thinking?

"From you know who..."

He's checking, checking it out.

Jesus Christ!

Guys, if we get caught,

he f*cking works this out,

we're just screwed. He likes it...

Oh, he's kissing it! f*ckin'

smooching it up. We're in here!

We'll put you here. Can't

be missing a f*cking thing.

There's got to be someone behind

this screen at all times, right?

We need an hour, preferably

a little bit more, if we can.

Yeah? So, it's just action stations.

Ready Eddie. Oi...

Oi! Yeah? The f*ck did

I just say then, dude?

Er, you're saying, erm,

that it's shift work.

Have someone behind

the screen at all times.

Ready to go at a moment's notice,

high alert, ready Eddie.

Nailed it. I've been keeping notes...

Jessica. Or Jess?

Emily, Emily's cute. I like Emily.

Aw! f*ck me.

Does the cat lick it off?

Does it?

You see his entire hoot.

One more time, Boohoo!

You're meant to go and make

little kids f*ckin' laugh!

Knobhead! Get off me, you knobhead.

Leave that bear

where it was, you f*ckers.

Time for a cup of cocoa...

Is he ever gonna

leave that f*cking house?

A knobhead!

Cardi, f*cking hell!

Thank you for the gift.

Don't play the innocent with me.

What time?

Seven? We could meet

at the usual place...

Ring Vinnie, we're on.

..and take it from there.

Here we go.

We're on! Let's have it.

The f*ck have your brought Alan for?

Lucky charm, like Nigel.

Nigel almost had us k*lled last

time. Yeah. But we didn't, did he?

Open...

Yeah!

Away you go, Ashley. Come on.

Why is it always me?

Cos you were in the f*cking circus.

You're good with heights and that.

I sold popcorn. Get up them f*cking

ladders! The f*cking ladder.

Hey, if the alarm goes off,

you get down these stairs,

you f*cking punch in that...

I hate ladders. Punch in the code!

You know this. f*cking help me!

You'll f*cking shake it off the wall.

Oh! Shin first.

f*ck! Why is the

alarm still going off?

He got the f*cking wrong code.

What?! It's got nothing

to do with the code, Dylan.

Someone's gonna have to go up there

and find him. Thomas, go on. Why me?

Get the f*ck up the ladder! Me...

sh*t. Rock, paper, scissors.

One, two, three... Ah! Go.

You get the f*ck in there

and you punch that code in.

f*cking hurry up! Christ.

Ashley! Ashley!

Ashley?

You had one job. One

f*cking job, you dickhead!

What's the code? Ashley?

Er... The code, Ashley!

What, are you counting down numbers?

Try 9-9-9, then.

What is wrong with people?

Where the f*ck is he now? Ashley!

Oh, sh*t! The

neighbours are looking.

Tom? Yeah, 1-2-6-7.

sh*t! That neighbour's coming now.

I'll deal with it...

No, I'll go. What,

a female window cleaner?

Yes, Cardi. Come on, I'll come

with you for credibility and that.

What's wrong with you?

What you been doing?

Dyl, you know those stairs.

I fell down them!

- Hi! You all right, fella?

- Hiya.

We're just window cleaners.

No cause for alarm! No.

You having that? Our window

cleaner's Pete the Eunuch.

No, not any more.

Mr MacDonagh's decided to go

for a more professional outfit.

Hello. Hiya.

Actually, Pete is quite useless. Oh.

I mean, he leaves

these streaky patches!

He's a streaker, he's a patcher.

He's known in the industry for that.

Tell you what.

Maybe you can do ours.

I don't see why not. I mean, it's the

wife that makes all the decisions.

Well... Will you come speak with her?

Yeah, let's go... Where is she?

Go and talk to her. Come on, Erin!

She's in the kitchen. Yeah?

Yeah, we'll move some stuff about.

Great! f*ck's sake!

What you saying, then?

What day's good for you?

Christ alive!

f*ck... Bit small, aren't they?

Ah...!

Oh, for f*ck's sake. Now you've gone

and broken his perv d*ck collection.

Right, there's the laptop.

Now we just need to find

the external hard drive.

And you, find some glue.

Someone spent time on that.

Yeah, he does

seem a bit strange.

Oh, he is. He's a right

funny one, him next door.

Keeps himself to himself most

of the time, but we hear rumours.

Hmm... What rumours!

Mm!

The things he gets up to.

And that thing the other week.

Oh, yeah! Go on,

you're gonna have to tell us.

What is it? Some woman, screaming.

All kind of fuss, weren't it?

We were too scared to look.

Go get it! Oh, yeah. Be a minute.

Our CCTV covers

a bit of their driveway.

And his brother was running

after someone with an axe!

An axe?

Let's have a look.

Come on, gather round!

There.

God, it is an axe!

That's a f*cking axe. That's scary!

Obviously, she saw the whole thing?

Yeah. God help her.

I said we should call the police.

And I said we don't want involving.

Yeah. No. You do right, don't get

involved in something like that.

Yeah, it's not worth it.

Awful, how frightening.

Hm! Crying out loud. Now

listen, we've got to get off.

We're late for another

bloody client. Oh!

I've been enjoying,

it's been nice, hasn't it?

I really... Thank you!

You have to come round again.

Yeah! We'd love to come round again.

Yeah! Now listen, Wednesday.

Wednesday, we can go.

We'll rejig some stuff.

OK... Wet and Wild is what

we're called, all right?

So look us up online.

I'm Wild one, she's really, er...

Er... f*cking hell!

I've left my bloody phone.

OK... Go back to go and grab it?

Yeah. Fantastic!

It's not holding, lads.

That's cos your using a f*cking glue

stick. Tommo, this is taking forever.

We've got to get out of here!

No, no! Nobody leaves

until we find that

f*cking hard drive. Ashley!

Relinquish the penis... and

find the f*cking hard drive.

f*cking bellend!

Right, let's get out of here.

f*cking Wet and Wild?

It's all I could think of. Check

this out, stole their f*cking card.

That's our f*cking... f*cking hell!

Look out! It's f*cking Davey.

Ring Tommo! Ring him.

Vinnie, what? Abort, dude. Abort!

Abort? What the f*ck

do you mean, abort?

What you mean, what do I mean abort?

Abort the f*cking mission. Get out!

Davey, he's f*cking back.

He's got someone with him. f*ck!

sh*t, we having got the

f*cking hard drive! Agh!

Abort! Abort!

What?

f*cking hell! Come up the stairs.

What's going on? Go, go, go!

Go, go, go! sh*t!

What the f*ck? What?

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!

The ladder's slipped.

We'll have to go out the back

door now. Come on! f*ck, f*ck!

Could've sworn

I turned that alarm on.

Forget the alarm, David!

Oh, oh! Mm!

And I'll go get...

f*ck!

Here...

f*ck off, it's my place.

There's room for both of us!

Just f*cking...

You and your massive hair. f*ck off!

Get off me, JJ!

Guess who brought bangers?

Coming in...

What the f*ck is wrong with you?

Alan's favourite.

Ah! It's the external hard drive.

Careful now...

That's someone's ashes, though.

Careful.

Excellent, JJ!

Oh, butter fingers!

I've got that exact make and model.

- Davey?

- I'm coming!

Not yet, I hope!

Put these on. Have you

been wearing these, Davey?

Strap this on.

Oh, you're a dirty boy!

I am a dirty boy.

Pretend I'm your stepsister.

Daddy's out, and we

shouldn't be left alone. Yeah.

Hm, you saw me

coming out the shower,

and I saw your boner!

And now, here we are,

the two of us, alone.

Put the f*cking panties on!

My balls are like raspberries.

I just dropped it! What?

The f*cking memory card!

Our insurance policy, f*cking CCTV!

What, did you wanna be seen?

Well, no... No? Exactly!

But I didn't want to be pushed

through a f*cking bush, magnum

force. Do you know what I mean?

Gently. Gently now.

That's it...

- Ooh, ooh, ooh!

- Ugh!

Can't get it out.

"Put the ladder..." Oh, f*ck me!

Listen, go put the ladder back

for Willow. It's fallen down.

Oh, for f*ck's sake! I'm gonna

go and put a window through.

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh! Oh, you dirty bitch!

Oh! Yeah, right there!

♪ ..I believe in miracles

♪ Where're you from?

♪ You sexy thing, sexy thing

♪ I believe in miracles... ♪

The alarm, the car?! What?

It's my f*cking car!

Davey, wait! Oh, f*ck!

I'll f*cking k*ll whoever did this!

Come back to bed!

I'll f*cking k*ll 'em!

David!

You go back upstairs and

I'll get us some drinks. Yeah?

Go on, good boy. There you go.

That's a good boy!

This way, quick!

Wait, what about the ladder?

What do we do about the ladder?

Leave it! Oh, f*ck!

Davey!

Men, in your garden!

Oi! Oi!

Hello?

I-I-I-I've l-l-l-lost Alan.

I've left him back there.

Inside or Outside? In the g-garden.

I thought he was in my pocket.

Hey! Hey! Hey, listen. We'll

go find him tomorrow.

No! I-I-I-I wanna go back now.

JJ, stop the van, stop the van!

Listen... He's my new bird.

It's like Vinnie said.

I want him back!

Calm down, dude! Calm down.

Listen, you know we

f*cking love you, man.

We'd do anything for you.

But we can't go back

for a f*cking pigeon, man!

We can't, sweetheart.

Listen, we can't go back for him.

Not today.

It's not safe.

I know...

You've

done well, gentlemen.

I have to say, I'm impressed.

You stole my animals,

you stole the technology.

You are good thieves!

Thank you. Professionals. Ish.

I applaud you,

and now, I reward you.

So you're gonna cut the MacDonaghs

out, and deal direct with us, yeah?

Consider it done.

I am the lion, top of food chain.

What I say, it goes.

Now let's go drink,

celebrate the future.

In jacuzzi! Wait, no...

We've got a shitload on.

Wait! No, can't do it.

Nice one, though. Nice one, mate.

♪ If you want a time to soul

Baby, it's time to soul time!

♪ Say you want a time to soul

♪ Ready, get set now

♪ 2, 4, 6, 8, 10

Crazy night. Hm,

it has been a crazy night.

But here's to calmer times. Hm.

Gorgeous.

Come with me.

Listen, listen, listen. Oi, oi, oi!

They're here. Stay calm,

we've been here all night.

They know f*ck all.

Vin...

Tommo. It's all right.

Hello, Vincent.

All right?

Little party, is it?

Late night celebration?

Another dead pigeon? No.

We're just having a gathering.

And you weren't invited.

You don't like me. Do you, JJ?

You pushed over a woman. I did.

And I'll do it again,

if you f*ckers

don't tell me what

went down tonight!

That face again, Dylan?

How do you mean, gone down?

My house. There's been a theft.

Fine art, broken.

Bloody hell. What's been taken?

Laptop, zip drive.

And a sh*t ton of food.

What's that got to do with us?

Call it instinct.

Bollocks. You're instincts are sh*t.

Look at them beers, we've

been sitting here all night.

Now you're a good boy.

Aren't you, Cardigan?

You know the value

of telling the truth.

Yeah. Have you, like your Irish

lady said, been here all night?

Y... Y-yeah.

Are you sure? P-positive.

Oh! "P-positive"?

Barry?

So, this is your pigeon?

Mm, nope. N... N-n-no.

"N-n-no"? No?

Or yes? Cos I found this

pigeon outside my house,

and that pigeon is gonna

be inside that blender,

and Barry here is gonna

turn on that blender,

unless you f*cking c**ts tell me

why you broke into my f*cking house

to steal my f*cking laptop!

Davey, Barry.

We haven't been in your

f*cking house, all right?

And with me hand on me heart,

Really? OK, blend it.

No, man!

He's upset because he's a f*cking

sweetheart, doesn't want to see

a pigeon blended, weirdly.

I don't either!

You've got five seconds.

Now, now, hang on a minute.

Four... J-j-just... You're gonna

k*ll an innocent pigeon, you c**t!

Three... What cause would

we have to come in your gaff?

Two... Davey, come the f*ck on!

One... Right, it was us.

We did it, we did it.

f*ck! He knew anyway.

We went in to get the photos

that you've got of Manolito.

Thank you, sweetheart.

And where are the photographs now?

They're with Manolito.

And why would you do that?

Because we f*cking hate you!

We want to be free of you, man.

All you ever do is thr*aten us.

Yeah. We're supposed to be partners,

we're not your f*cking partners.

Right, I see.

I had no idea you felt that way.

Yeah, well, now you do.

Manolito made us an offer,

and so we took it.

Right.

And did you have a look, at them

photographs that you gave back?

Because by rights, those images

should be shown to the police.

He would go down for many years.

But I made a decision,

business decision,

that I'd prefer to rich.

What sort of images?

Use your imagination.

Now, this man that you've made

a deal with is not a good man.

The really funny part is... I've

got the images saved to the cloud.

I was told you're a

moron with technology.

Oh, I am. But he isn't.

You've wasted your time, Vincent.

And you've upset me very much.

See? I'm not a vindictive man.

Hm?

If you wanted out of our

business arrangement...

..let's just end it now.

Safe.

No hard feelings.

No hard feelings at all.

At all!

Okey-dokey!

sh*t! Ta-ta for now.

With pigeons? No, with everything.

The dinosaur had it. The dodo.

He d*ed, the whole lot of 'em d*ed.

Means I d*ed.

Oh, actually... I could

k*ll for some chocolate.

I am eating for two!

Yeah. I'll go to the garage.

Thank you.

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Me too.

Tyler's at his sleepover. Mm.

Do you wanna stay the night?

No! Agh!

Agh! Help! No! Help! Help!