01x05 - The Party Plan

[bunniefuu]

Your girlfriend's birthday - great idea.

- But keep a low profile, please.
- Sure, I'm just your roommate.

- And your colleague at work.
- [Jules] Yeah.

We're kind of like Pinky and the Brain.
You know, a real team, man.

They're going to be impressed.

Especially if they're fans
of Dead Poets Society.

- "O Captain! My Captain!"
- For real?

That's the Dead Poets and Pirates Society.

Indeed. Hey, teaching on a frigate.

Pirates by night...

poets by day.

No.

- OK, no pirates.
- [Jules] No.

- OK, no Dead Poets Society, either, fine.
- Thank you.



THE LAME PLAN

THE CRAZY PLAN

THE BOOTY PLAN

THE HOOK-UP PLAN

[all] Surprise!

Not bad, but peppier, OK?

Philippe? Happy face.

Matthieu? Be less depressed.

Charlotte? Do the meerkat.

Ten minutes, kids!

I don't get why we're going.

You say you never see my friends
because of her. Here's an occasion.

- Stay near me, OK?
- Of course.

[doorbell]

Ah...

- [Milou] Hello.
- [laughs] Hi!

- Wow. I love your style.
- Thanks.

Good for you for having
no shame in your game.

- [Gaïa] I mean, in your current condition.
- That's really tight, huh?

- And sparkly.
- Yeah, Katarina Witt.

Figure skating?

Olympic champion in '84 and '88?

The '80s, guys! The party's theme.

Well, the theme before someone changed it
without telling me.

[Charlotte] "Walk of shame" is better!

Cell phones in the bowl here,
we have Polaroid cameras to take photos.

[Milou] '80s style!

- [Max] Seriously?
- [Milou] Yeah!

[Charlotte] Champagne
for the gorgeous Gaïa, here you go!

- Drink up! Walk of shame!
- It's the '80s!

- But still in the '80s!
- Walk of shame!

[Charlotte] Cheers to us!

- Coats over there, follow me.
- [phone chimes]

[Milou] Ah!

Ah, Antoine. "I'm coming."
It's about time!

[shouts] Nine minutes! Time to hide!

[sighs] He's f*cking with me.

[sighs]

- [buzzer]
- [woman] I'm making an effort here.

- Having dinner with your father...
- [gasps] Damn!

[whispers] Oh, damn it! No!

- [Elsa] Mom, don't start with that.
- Open, open, it's me!

Know what? I have an idea,
let's go back downstairs.

Two floors up and down for your butt.
To build some muscle.

- Come on, I'm fine!
- Yes, you need it, hop-hop-hop!

- Let's go!
- "Hop-hop-hop..."

Not hop-hop-hop this way, for real.

Because if not,
we'll be early to the...[falters]

- Oh, no.
- It's OK, don't worry, Mommy.

- I can fake it. Really.
- I'm sorry, darling.

- Come on!
- I'm so sorry.

- Open the door!
- [Elsa] Don't worry about it.

[whispers] Three, two, one...

- [all shout] Surprise!
- [shouts] No!

[Milou sighs]

[slightly less enthusiastic] Surprise...

- Oh, wow...
- [Charlotte laughs]

- Oh, wow, guys, you are crazy!
- [Matthieu] I'll pick out the tunes.

[forced laughter]

- [gasps] I was not expecting that at all!
- [Charlotte] Really?

- Not at all.
- Yeah, really?

Give me your coat
and cell phones go in the bowl.

[Elsa] OK, sounds good!

- [Charlotte] Louder, Matt!
- Yes!

[music volume increases]

[Elsa] So happy to see you!

You OK?

Aw, look at you, so cute! [laughs]

["Toi mon toit" by Elli Medeiros]

- [Elsa] Hello.
- [doorbell]

Hi!

- [door slams]
- [muffled music]

You sure you're invited?

[doorbell]

[music volume increases]

[giggling]

Hey, you! [giggles]

- Happy birthday, angel!
- Thanks, Daddy.

Hold on.

I'm going to take a photo. Wait.
Stay here. A bit closer.

- Like that?
- [Elsa] Yeah!

[Charlotte] Elsa, come on,
time for a quick pic! Photo!

- Yeah!
- [Elsa giggles]

- Everybody in?
- It's all good!

[Milou] OK, OK, to the left.

- One, two, three...
- Waikiki!

[Charlotte] Look at Gaïa in the photo.

- [Charlotte] Oh, my God, where did she go?
- You're such a bitch!

Here we go. OK, great!
Careful...Here we go! Hop-hop!

[doorbell rings repeatedly]

[heavy knocking and doorbell]

- Uh, are you OK?
- Careful, guys, the bouncer is my sister.

And the young man you see there?
He's the traitor in our group.

[Charlotte] Cell phones go in the bowl.

- What about your class?
- [Milou] Where were you?

- See, I still managed to come.
- [Milou] You're drunk.

- Hello, I'm Roman, pleasure.
- [Antoine] Guys!

- [Charlotte] Nice to meet you.
- This Taliban here...is my girl.

Not my wife, girlfriend.

Because we are not married.

I was with some people
and I f*cking smoked,

and I smoked a lot.

- That's enough.
- [Antoine] Happy birthday to you!

- [Antoine] Whoo!
- [Elsa] Yeah...Oooh!

He's so drunk...

That's right.

- So happy to see you guys here.
- Good evening. I'm Roman, my pleasure.

[Elsa] Nice to meet you. Ah!

I invited them, uh, just in case

you guys maybe thought
about throwing a surprise party for me

without telling me
because I was really not expecting that.

- So that's why I thought...
- [Milou] Definitely.

We'll get to know each other. Too cute!

- That's right, you're too cute.
- [Elsa] Oh, that's adorable!

You guys already get along.

Matthieu went this way?

- Yeah...
- [Antoine] I'm going to find that traitor.

[music continues]

Antoine, don't make a scene,
not at Elsa's party!

I want to k*ll him.

[Charlotte] Come on, please,
for once think about me. No, Antoine!

Really, not now. Please, come on!

[music fades]

[cheering]

You are an assh*le.

But I got used to the idea.

Hmm.

Alright.

Got used to the idea of what?
Got used to what?

- To us, I think.
- To us? Like, us, as in you and me?

Like, uh, heart shape,
cuddles, a couple? [gags]

- Ah, really, like...[gags]
- [Charlotte] Yeah, it's a trap!

[laughs]

- We go pretty well together, right?
- "Pretty well together"? Wait, wait, wait.

Leggings with Converse go well together
but I also like wearing jeans, see?

No, I don't really see, no.

[Charlotte] Well, basically,
I don't care if you see other girls.

[Milou] Am I interrupting?

- No, not at all, we're talking fashion.
- Awesome, great.

Operation eviction.

I take care of the whore, you take care
of Harry Potter. Well, Henri Pottier. Now.

[dance music]

So, it turns out you...
you're a teacher too?

- Good eye.
- Ah-ha.

The velvet jacket helped you guess, right?

- That's his classic touch.
- Ah...

Because I teach Latin, actually.

Ah...Oh...In elementary school?

- Uh...Yeah, because they're...
- Can I borrow him for a minute?

- Something the birthday girl can't know.
- OK!

[Milou] Come on.

Ah, want to grab a...a beer?

- Veni, vidi, vici.
- [Elsa laughs uncomfortably]

[Elsa] Latin...

I like Elsa,
I don't need to be paid to be here.

Listen, I'd like to believe
what you're telling me, really.

Different context,
I could think you're a nice guy...

Wait, you booked me
because you love her, right?

Yeah.

So, now, no one expected this situation,
so let her choose, damn it!

But you're a Frankenstein of p*ssy!
A big fat lie with green eyes.

- [Jules sighs]
- You're not a real man.

This is going to destroy her,
you understand that?

Because you guys don't feel guilty
about anything?

Come on, if Elsa ever finds out,
you two would be f*cked.

Yes, we'd all be f*cked.
But some more than others.

[muffled music]

We'll find out.

Hey, oh, I'm not saying that
just to be a pain to you.

I get that you want to fit in,
be included in our group.

But you'll never be like us.

[muffled music]

[door opens and volume increases]

- [Roman] I'm a dancer originally.
- [Charlotte] Oh, really?

Excuse me.

They have to stop doing coke
in the bathroom. I need to pee now!

- I know but...
- Stop teasing him, kick him out!

[cheering]

The chick with Matt, "Miss Jersey Shore,"
passionately curious, what's her deal?

She came with Cédric, she's his cousin.
She lives in London as well.

She didn't dress for the theme.

- She did.
- She's not in theme.

- Bitch, not in theme! Hello!
- She is...

- She's not, it's the '80s!
- Ah, now we're back to the '80s?

[Charlotte] She's not in theme.

[Milou] Alright,
now, you're kicking him out.

[dance music]

♪ When I'm at the office ♪

♪ I cover all the basics ♪

♪ Don't even need to think about this ♪

♪ Hot boy in mechanics ♪

♪ I fake it all day long ♪

♪ And ain't nobody gonna
Gonna hold me down ♪

♪ And ain't nobody gonna
Gonna hold me down ♪

- [woman laughs]
- [man hums along]

[woman] You weren't dancing
as much before we got divorced.

[chuckling]

Just saying.
Actually, know what? I don't care.

[dad] Of course.

Thirty years.

[mom] You must have failed at something.

- I don't know what but...
- [dad] What are you implying?

I don't know but do you know any


You're smothering her
by keeping her so close.

[dad] Listen, this is her night,
get off her back, OK?

Come on, cheers!

Well, I work in a searching center.

- In a research center, you mean?
- That's it, exactly.

OK, so, you have a PhD in quantum physics
but you teach Latin in elementary school?

- [Elsa] That's frustrating, no?
- That's just super weird, isn't it?

[Roman] Hm, in Roman times,
there were kids too.

Well, I mean, that's so dope!
Latin is so romantic!

[Charlotte laughs loudly]

[Charlotte] Bottoms up! [laughs loudly]

[loudly] Whoo, I love it!

[rhythmic dance music]

[Charlotte laughs loudly]

- Seriously?
- Who gives a f*ck?

[Elsa giggles]

What? Ashamed of me?

No! No, no, not at all, but that's...
It's just new for me, that's all.

Same for me, it's very new.

- [distant cheering]
- Wait.

I've got something for you.

- A gift!
- Uh...

Wow...A pig?

For Miss Piggy.

[Elsa] Ah!

That's so cute.

Well, the gift is inside.

Ah!

- Aw, so cute! It's a flash drive!
- [laughs] No!

I mean, yes, yes,
but the gift is really inside.

- Ah, OK.
- You'll see, it's quite homemade but...

it's for you.

[Elsa] Thanks.

[mom] Don't mind me, really!

- [mom laughs]
- [Elsa clears her throat]

[Elsa] Ah...

[Elsa] Uh, Mommy, I...

Well, this is Jules.

This is great!

Look at that, darling.
Look what I did for you.

A nice birthday cake.

[mom laughs] Here it is.

And I'm sure you're going to like it
because it's only 130 calories per piece.

So you won't gain weight because
at your age, you've got to be careful!

Right? [chuckles]

You're OK, Jérôme? [chuckles]

[mom] You guys, have fun! That's great!

- [mom chuckles]
- Your mom's nice.

You OK?

Yeah, that's just not a photo of me.

Really? Who is it?

My sister, Anaïs. You know,
the one that is so much more...

[Jules] Ah, I see.

You know what?

I really like your mom
but this cake looks f*cking gross, right?

[fridge door opens]

- [Elsa gasps]
- [Jules] Here we go. Look.

I found the right place
and if we're hungry,

well, there, we have pizzas, right?

Oh, you see,

with Cha and Milouze, it's our tradition:
two toppings, three girls, six pieces.

[Jules] Wow...

And I eat both toppings.

[music fades and people boo]

And I think you're beautiful.

[new dance song comes on]

Hey, lovebirds!

They are so cute!

[electronic dance music]

[music continues]

- [muffled music]
- Five, four, three, two, one...

- [Antoine] Ta-da!
- [Jules laughs]

- [Antoine] See that? Told you.
- [Jules] Amazing.

I'll hang out with you boys.

Well, I'm not sure
that's good for the baby.

- That's not good at all.
- Here.

OK...

[footsteps retreat]

Seems a bit tense between you two.

Totally.

What about you, with Elsa?

Is it serious or...?

Because she introduced you
to her parents, you know.

And knowing Elsa, that's something.

You're good at pressuring as well.

Man, talking about pressure,
you can't even imagine this sh*t.

These days,
I'm struggling to deal with that.

Because it's not about dealing -

it's about unwinding.

My solution is boxing
on Sundays at five, 8th arrondissement.

Swing by if you want.

[Charlotte] Alright, please,
everyone be quiet for a sec!

Elsa! Our birthday girl, Elsa,
is expected in the living room!

- [Elsa] Oh, my gosh!
- [Charlotte] Yeah...Milou!

- That's so official!
- [Charlotte] Yeah.

You are the queen tonight. Milou!

[Charlotte] Alright.

So, we actually lied to you,

your birthday fund was loaded
with money, isn't that right, Milou?

Yeah, totally!

So we wanted to give you a present

that's like you,
a present with a lot of heart.

- You know, something generous.
- [Elsa] Oh...

- You guys are nuts!
- [Charlotte chuckles]

Yeah, nuts...

- [Charlotte laughs]
- [Elsa] Oh...

- A cow?
- [Charlotte] No, a wildebeest!

Rescued from being k*lled. It's Caroline!

[Charlotte] Now you're her godmother.
How dope is that, huh?

[silence]

[Elsa] Well, thanks to everyone.
And you're the "wilde-best"!

That's the last time
I give to a birthday fund.

[music resumes]

Twelve hundred bucks, goddammit!

Caroline makes more money than me!
Milou should marry her.

- You pitched in?
- Caroline!

- Thank you, my friends!
- Whoo!

- That's awesome!
- Hey, you'll need to write to her.

- You think?
- What? No!

- It's a wildebeest, you can't...
- Hm.

- [Max] You're good, sweetie?
- [Elsa] Awesome!

[Elsa] A wildebeest! [laughs]

- [Antoine] It's love!
- Right, OK...

- [female voice] Woohoo!
- [Elsa] Ah, um, excuse me.

So, you're a middle-school teacher
at Joan of Ark, right?

Yep.

Wasn't it renamed Simone Veil last year?

It was. Of course.
I'm still not used to it.

You teach with shoes that cost a grand?

They were a gift.

[scoffs] That wasn't my question.

Just know that I find good deals.

Does your ugly friend also find good deals
for his limited-edition Jordans?

- [Antoine] Well, his moves aren't ugly.
- [Matthieu] Yeah, right.

[Matthieu] He should calm down a bit.

[electro house song plays]

[all cheer]

[male voice] Whoo!

[Antoine] Come on!

Didn't we meet before?

[Jules] Uh, I don't think so.

Hey, man, the girl over there.

She's smoking hot.

No, even better.

She's on fire, baby. Pshh!

Hey, take it easy. Take it easy.

♪ Because we are your friends ♪

♪ You'll never be alone again ♪

♪ Well, come on ♪

♪ Well, come on ♪

♪ Well, come on ♪

♪ Well, come on ♪

♪ Because we are your friends ♪

♪ You'll never be alone again ♪

♪ Well, come on ♪

♪ Well, come on ♪

♪ Well, come on ♪

♪ Well, come on ♪

♪ Well, come on ♪

♪ Well, come on ♪

♪ Well, come on ♪

♪ Well, come on ♪

[muffled music]

[typing]

Alright, that's enough.

Get off me!

And if the baby came right now,
what would you do?

Huh?

Pray she doesn't break my balls like you.

What?

[phone chimes]

Who are you texting now?

[women laughing]

[dance music]

Thanks for inviting us.

I'm sorry about the other day.
I think I was a bit direct.

Yeah, we're even.

With you, I've never been
the queen of finesse.

- Ah.
- Not to be mistaken with fitness. [laughs]

Oh, such a bad joke!

Anyway, I'm happy to be here.
You mean a lot to me.

- Say what?
- You mean a lot to me.

[music continues]

- I'm tired, can we go?
- What?

Come on, babe, it's only 11.
Elsa is turning 30.

- Yeah, but you promised me...
- For once we're going out, Gaïa. Come on.

- [Gaïa] I'm leaving. Do whatever you want.
- [Charlotte laughs loudly]

[dance music continues]

Ah!

[Charlotte laughs loudly]

[Charlotte laughs loudly]

I'm sorry, this is not going to happen.

[dance music continues]

[Elsa] Thank you.

Here.

It's not much
but I figured that you would like it.

Uh...

[Elsa] Thanks. You didn't have to.

- [Max] Should I open it?
- [Elsa] Yeah, sure.

- May I put it?
- Yeah.

[Elsa] Uh...

Thank you.

[dance music continues]

You know what? I don't belong here.

[all] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you, Elsa ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪

[clapping and cheering]

Where is Jules?

- I don't know.
- Alright, blow!

[exhale blends into eerie silence]

[sighs]

[door unlocks]

[sighs]

[Jules through computer] Hey, Elsa. Um...

This is a song I wrote for you,
for your birthday.

[familiar drums]

[Jules] So, I hope you like it.

Well...

happy birthday.

["Ta Katie t'a quitté"
by Boby Lapointe drum sample]

♪ Your Katie chucked you out
Your Katie chucked you out ♪

♪ Your Katie chucked you out
Your Katie chucked you out...♪

[laughs]

[electronic chords added]

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ Oooh, so close to me ♪

♪ I'm feeling you...♪

[driver] Coming back from work,
young lady?

Or maybe you're going? [scoffs]

[phone chimes]

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ So close to me...♪

TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT YOU
SO WATCHING NETFLIX.

WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

- YOU NEVER BORE ME.
- HOPE I DIDN'T BORE YOU.

- GOOD TO SEE YOU TONIGHT.
- NOT TOO DRUNK?

♪ So close to me ♪

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ So close to me ♪

♪ I'm feeling you closer...♪

Since you are gay, what's great about you
is how you are so open-minded.

That's why, don't hesitate, Chantal.

I'm a great opportunity for you.

Kind of like a new experience.

You see what I mean?

Chantal?

Wait for me, Chantal. Chantal?

[Roman] We can also just be friends.
That's no problem.

- [Chantal] OK but shut up, alright?
- [Roman] Cool. Let's get an Uber.

[remix continues]

♪ I'm feeling you closer ♪

♪ So close to me ♪

♪ I'm feeling you closer...♪

[Charlotte sobs]

I'm sorry...[sobs]

♪ So close to me ♪

♪ So close to me ♪

[music fades]

I did something horrible to Elsa.

[remix resumes]

[remix turns into theme tune]