01x15 - Home Is Where the Hero Is

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles]

- Come on, it's picture time!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ In the Loud House ♪

♪ Really Loud House! ♪

[upbeat jazz music]

- ♪ I'm a doo-dad chef who's so bad ♪

♪ Step into mi cocina, 'cause it's so rad ♪

Thank you, Royal Woods!

- Hey, Dad!

- Oh!

Hey, buddy.

- Ooh, delicious. - Thanks.

- Uh, I was wondering if I could ask you a question.

- Uh, is this maybe something Mom could help with?

I'm working on this new marinara recipe

for my Lynn-sagna--

- Well, it's kind of Dad specific.

- Oh.

- I'm writing a paper on my hero,

and I was hoping I could ask you a few questions.

- OK.

Uh, well, I suppose I could let this simmer for a few hours.

[chuckles]

[spoon clattering]

I'll meet you in the dining room in five.

- Empty your pockets, people!

Ugh.

Oh, clown nose, Luan.

Guitar picks, Luna.

Oh. [frog croaks]

Lana.

You could use a bath.

What?

- [exhales] I'm Lincoln's hero.

- No way!

This is amazing. - I know!

I'm just coming down to gather a few of the items

from my past that made me who I am today,

which is my son's hero.

- I can't believe this is happening.

- Me neither!

He's writing a paper-- uh, sorry,

an essay--on his hero, which is me.

I'm his hero. It's kind of a big deal.

- You deserve this.

- Thanks, hon! [laughs]

Where to begin, my dear boy, for a hero's life?

A lot of memories with this one.

This is the varsity letter that my friend Gary earned.

He was quite the athlete.

I went to every single one of his games.

[chuckles] All right, questions.

Fire away.

- Do you think that I should start

by talking about the first time I ever

watched the Rip Hardcore show?

- Because we watched it together?

- Or maybe it's better to start with the story

of my first Rip Hardcore headband.

- Oh, because Rip is your hero.

- Yeah. - Ah.

- And he's having this really cool Hardcore Hero contest.

- Enter my Hardcore Hero contest for the chance

to spend an entire day with your hero, Rip Hardcore!

[howls]

All you need is one of these bad boys.

Hey, thanks, Fearless Pete.

A golden ticket. - Golden ticket!

- Get in line early, because only

the first hardcore fans will get

one of these golden beauties.

Sweat, perseverance!

And if Rip picks yours...

Winning at all costs!

You'll get to do everything on this insane list!

- [squawks] Some restrictions apply.

- Including scaling Mount Deathpeak!

[jaguar roars]

- And the best part is, the winner

gets to read what they wrote about

why Rip is their hero on his show!

- Oh, that's cool. That's cool.

And you want me to help you write it?

- Yeah.

And I also need you to wait in line with me for the ticket.

- I'm in.

Any excuse for some quality father-son time.

- And Clyde. - And Clyde.

- Sweet!

Let's get cracking so we can start packing.

We got to get there early.

- Oh, how early?

- : AM? - Yeah.

Well, he wanted to get the tent set up by :,

so it's more like :.

- So you already got it down from the attic?

- :.

- And you know how to set it up?

- :.

- You went from hero to tent setup guy.

I got to say, you're taking it pretty well.

- -year-olds want their heroes

to be young with huge muscles.

You know, I'm less Rip Hardcore and more Rip Floss-more.

[chuckles] Ow!

- I will take Rip Floss-more any day.

- Aw. Thank you, honey.

- But I can't help you.

Mama's got a free massage, and this baby expires tomorrow.

- If I can just get four hours, I should be good to go.

[sighs]

[alarm beeping]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[gasps, spits]

[objects clattering]

Where is that tent?

[wistful music]

♪ ♪

[yawns]

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, Loud.

Your socks are untied.

- Oh yeah, Taylor?

Well, your socks are very well-coordinated

with the rest of your outfit.

- Championship match today.

Only one of us can win.

Guess who it's going to be?

- You?

- Hey, she finally got one right.

Go ahead, Loud.

Knock it in.

You make it, I'll forfeit the match.

Or is that too much pressure for you?

[tense music]

Where you going, Loud?

Home to your mommy?

- Yes, I am.

- All right, off to my massage.

[sighs] You're doing it, Rita.

You're really doing it.

- I can give you a massage, Mom.

I've been squeezing tennis balls

to work on my hand strength. - Oh.

[bones cr*ck] - Want me to go harder?

- Oh, uh, no, no, no, no, no. No thanks.

I--I just don't want to get too relaxed

before my appointment.

But I may take you up on that later.

- Deal. [bones cr*ck]

- Ow.

- Surprise!

- Oh, hey. What are you doing home?

- Oh, my golf match was canceled.

[chuckles] - Oh, really?

Why? - Rain out.

- It's not raining.

- No.

Uh, Raine is our equipment manager,

and he just left with all the balls today.

He was like, Raine out!

Guy is such a diva.

Anyway, I figured I would come home

and just spend the day relaxing.

- Well, I have a coupon for the spa that expires

in six hours, so... [chuckles]

- I'm going to sprint to the water tower and back.

I'm trying to b*at my own PB.

Personal best.

- Ah. - It's minutes.

- OK. So I'll see you in a couple hours,

and Lynn will see you in-- - minutes and seconds.

- Stop!

The worst thing in the world has just happened!

Oh. Hi, Lori. - Hi, Leni.

- I don't know if I can go on.

- What happened?

- Isn't it obvious?

- You're having a bad hair day?

- How dare you?

No, I lost my sunglasses.

The very thing that makes me, me.

I need everyone's help to find them.

- Honey, we all have things to do.

- Do you remember that time we were at that restaurant,

and everybody had to stop what they were doing

because Lori lost a piece of her food?

- Um, I didn't lose it. I was choking on it.

- OK, well, we found it.

Look, I know it seems silly, but these sunglasses

have been with me through everything.

When I was scared to get my ears pierced--

I feel like I've lost my best friend.

My best friend who lived on my head!

- All right.

Well, uh, let's all help Leni find her best friend.

[air horn blaring]

- Let's do this!

- Attention, Hardcore fans.

Attention, Hardcore fans.

Get out your golden tickets.

It's time to announce the winner

of the Rip Hardcore Hardcore Hero contest.

The winning golden ticket belongs to...

- Get up, sleepyheads. You're going to miss it!

both: We won!

- We won! We won!

We won!

- We won!

- [snoring] [horn blaring]

- We won!

- He's going to be here any minute.

I can't believe Rip Hardcore is coming to my house!

Let's go over the list one more time.

- Drink Rip Hardcore's special secret survival smoothie.

- Booyah! - Showcase feats of strength.

- You mean like this?

[grunts]

- And the most hardcore thing of all,

scale Mount Deathpeak.

[jaguar roars]

- We're going to be the toughest guys in Royal Woods.

[doorbell rings]

both: He's here! [scream]

[dramatic music]

- ♪ Everybody dance now! ♪

- Hey, what's up, little Rippers?

- Uh, you're not Rip Hardcore.

- Ha, eyes like an eagle!

Rip would love that.

Unfortunately, Rip had some

hardcore business to take care of,

but he sends his most hardcore regards.

Say Rip!

both: Rip.

[shutter clicks]

- More like rip-off.

- ♪ Everybody dance now! ♪

[door slams]

- Ding-dang duplicate Rip.

- I have my alarm set, but I always wake up before my alarm

because I love the sun.

And then I see my sunglasses on my nightstand,

right next to my alarm clock. - Uh-huh.

That's why I'm looking under your bed, sweetie.

- And then I say, good morning, sunglasses.

And then I walk over to say good morning to Tanya.

- Well, why don't you go look over by Tanya?

- Oh.

Oh M gosh!

[thumps] - [groans]

- You found them?

- I found my favorite scarf!

- Oh, yay.

- [clears throat]

- Hey.

My kid was promised a day with the real Rip Hardcore.

- Read the fine print, pops.

The winner of the contest will receive

a visit from Rip Hardcore,

or an employee that bears his likeness.

- OK, listen.

Those are his two biggest fans in there.

So you've got two choices-- either you call the real Rip

and have him get his butt down here,

or you're just going to have to run me over with that car.

[tense music]

[engine turns over] - ♪ Everybody dance now! ♪

[C+C Music Factory's "Gonna Make You Sweat" plays]

♪ ♪

- [sighs] Ding-dang third option.

- [gasps] I found them!

- [grunts] - Ah!

Hey!

- These are Luan's joke glasses.

Is this a joke to you?

'Cause I don't know about you, but I'm in it to win it.

- Jeez, Lynn.

Chill.

Not everything is about winning.

[phone buzzes]

- Hey, you forgot your-- [number pad beeps]

Lori Loud's phone. - Who's this?

- Who's this?

- This is Taylor Wedge, her rival.

At least, we used to be rivals,

until she chickened out and left her match.

- She doesn't have a match today.

It got canceled. - Is that what she told you?

I guess she couldn't handle the pressure.

The match starts in an hour.

I'll just tell everyone she's too scared to show up.

- Oh, she's gonna show up.

- Look, I don't know who this is, but Lori lost her fire.

Even if she shows up, she's toast.

- My name is Lynn Loud, and I'm not in the business of losing.

Lori will get her fire back, and she'll be there.

Guaranteed.

- This was supposed to be the best day ever.

Now it's the worst.

I can't believe Rip would do this to us.

- Oh, boy.

I knew you two were low,

but I didn't know you were bathtub low.

Is there anything I can do to help?

- That's OK, Dad.

I guess you could throw out this list of everything

we were going to do with Rip today.

[melancholy music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

- Oh, we're not throwing out this list.

We're going to do every single thing on it,

because I'm Dad Hardcore!

- Yes!

- Aha!

- Ugh, there's literally so much

creepy stuff under Lucy's bed.

Hmm. Look at this fake bat.

[bat squeaking] Ah!

That is not fake!

[sighs]

What's this?

"Congratulations to Lynn Loud

"in reaching a new course record.

Green Tee Golf Course."

Did you break my record?

- Oh, did I?

I guess so.

- What do you mean, you guess so?

- I don't know, I broke your record.

It's not a big deal.

I mean, golf isn't even a real sport.

- [gasps]

- Item number one,

drink special secret survival smoothie.

- If you're going to be hardcore,

you got to hydrate hardcore.

- Let's do this! - Whoo!

- [growls, laughs]

- [gulps] Guh.

Really taste the sawdust.

Yeah.

[strained] Ugh. I got this.

Body's getting used to it, now.

- Check.

Boom.

Whoo!

[stomach gurgles] - Oh!

I hope item two is a trip to the bathroom.

- You ready to do this?

- I was born ready.

Nobody beats me at house golf.

Off the stairs, into the plant.

It's on.

- Let's do this.

- Bear challenge.

Hardcore!

[ding]

- Hardcore!

[ding]

- Hardcore--no!

[grunts] Hardcore.

Come on, push it! Up, up, up, up, up, up.

- [grunts]

- Yes! - Yeah!

- Yeah!

[ding]

- Yeah!

- Boom!

- What's next on the list?

- Hydrate.

- Yeah!

[bone cracks]

[groans]

- Yeah! - Be nimble.

- I got this.

Oh! - Oh, look at that.

Oh, nice. - Whoo!

- Yeah. Here we go.

I got it.

Oh!

[groaning] Ugh.

I'm good.

[thumps]

- Wow, what a day.

We only have one thing left to do on that list, huh?

- Yeah.

I wonder where my dad is. It's almost time to scale--

- Mount Deathpeak! [jaguar roars]

[laughs] Oh, that's right.

We are going to scale that mountain, or my name isn't...

- Dad?

- Yes! Dad Hardcore!

Hey, Lincoln. [chuckles]

- I'm Clyde. - You bet you are.

OK.

Now, who you going to climb that mountain with?

[door slams]

- Hardcore!

both: Rip Hardcore? - [laughs]

- [chuckles] Oh.

- I knew you wouldn't let us down.

- Best day ever!

- A hero never lets his two biggest fans down.

Now, let's go outside and get this party started!

- Yeah! - Whoo!

Hero stuff. [both yelling]

[somber music]

[sighs] [neck cracks]

- Ow.

- Whoo! [chuckles]

- Clyde? - Yeah?

- We're hanging with Rip. [laughter]

- That's just the warm-up, boys.

- Oh, no. No, I don't want to cancel.

I have never needed a massage more.

Uh--psst.

Can I push it back an hour?

- [gasps] Here it is!

- I don't need to push it back an hour.

- I found my diary!

- [sighs]

[objects clattering] Oh.

- And my favorite handbag. Oh!

- Need to push it back two hours.

- Dear diary,

today I found you, and my favorite handbag.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- [whimpers]

- [grunts] You boys just b*at a wolf in a staring contest.

[wolf howls]

You know what that means? - He wants a rematch?

- No.

It's time for Mount Deathpeak! [jaguar roars]

[both yelling]

[all howl]

- Off the wall, off the fridge,

nothing but kibble.

Yee-haw.

[country music]

- Over the couch, off the piano, strike three.

[piano tinkering]

[microphone feedback]

- Golf ball, corner pocket.

Last hole.

You make it, you win.

- Or is that too much pressure for you?

Go ahead, Loud.

Knock it in.

- Off the wall, off the table, Mom's lemonade.

- Nice game. - Thanks.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a championship to win.

- My glasses!

I was looking for my cool sunglasses

when I found these cool designer glasses that I got

at the designer glass store at the mall,

where they sell designer glasses.

Wait, um-- why are you taking a break?

We haven't found my sunglasses yet.

- You know what, Leni?

I'm not taking a break.

I'm done.

All day long, I have watched you find

everything you have ever lost.

But your sunglasses are not coming back, honey.

They're lost, and you have to accept that.

Just like I'm accepting that I lost my spa treatment.

And to prove it to you, I'm going to tear up my coupon,

the coupon that I've had one year to use.

And now it's just a useless piece of paper.

[gasps]

Oh, Leni.

- You're right. - Uh--

- I guess I'll never see my sunglasses again.

Thanks for helping.

I'm sorry you missed your massage.

- Leni, look what I found.

- My best friend!

- They were just underneath the kitchen island.

- You know, I knew I left them there.

[both laugh]

You're the best mom in the world.

- Oh.

- And to make it up to you,

I'm going to give you a massage.

- Oh, honey. That's sweet,

but you've never really given a massage before.

- I could use this.

- My Muscle Buster! I thought I'd lost it.

- Yeah, I found it when I was looking for these sunglasses.

- Oh, I'm so happy.

- Me too. [chuckles]

Wait.

- They're on your head, sweetie.

- [giggles]

[bright music]

♪ ♪

- Go ahead, Loud.

Knock it in.

- Over the sand trap, off the tree, nothing but cup.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Yes!

- [screams]

[victorious music]

♪ ♪

- Dad, you're never going to believe what happened.

First, we scaled Mount Deathpeak.

And now I get to go on Rip Hardcore's show...

- [snoring]

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

- Hey, did it start yet?

I made some of Rip's famous hardcore smoothies.

Ugh.

I made them with half the sawdust this time.

- Oh, I'll have one after my massage.

- By the way, I called the golf course.

You didn't b*at my record.

- I know.

But I totally could. - Not a chance.

Thanks. [chuckles]

- I still can't believe you got to read

your letter on Rip's show.

- Were you nervous? - Nah.

It's easy when you're talking about your hero.

- Oh, there he is. - [laughs]

[rock music playing]

- Read it!

♪ ♪

- Rip Hardcore is a larger-than-life hero.

There's no weight he can't bench press.

There's no mountain he can't climb.

There is literally nothing this man can't do.

But this letter isn't about Rip.

It's about my real hero, my dad.

He may not be the type of hero that you

read about in comic books or, uh, see on TV.

He may not be able to fight a bear or lift , pounds.

He does things that don't make the headlines.

And he doesn't do them because he wants me to like him.

He does them because he loves me.

[emotional music]

♪ ♪

I love you, Dad.

- [sighs] I love you too, Linc.

- I gotta go call my dad. [clears throat]