01x06 - I Wanna Hold Your Hand

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles]

- Come on! It's picture time!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ In the Loud House ♪

♪ Really Loud House ♪

[bright cheerful music]

[indistinct chatter]

♪ ♪

- Action!

- [nervously] If you're a Royal Woods' middle schooler,

today is the biggest day of the year,

then annual Kangaroo Hop,

the Super Bowl of middle school dances.

- Cut, you're all stiff like a baby calf in a blizzard.

- Sorry, Liam.

- Haven't you ever talked to a camera before?

- Liam is really excited about getting

to sh**t his first solo Action News' piece,

a documentary about the Kangaroo Hop.

- You know what? I'm gonna scrap the openin'

for now and get some B-roll of the decorations committee.

- [laughs] Oh, and there's the Clyde-meister.

Hey, snap a sweet pic of us.

[both laugh]

My name is Rusty Spokes, and I'm in sixth grade,

which is the coolest grade in middle school.

I'm a Capricorn, and I can bench pounds.

- Charlie Uggo.

I'm in sixth grade as well.

I'm really excited for my first Kangaroo Hop.

Oh, and I guess my favorite color is obviously pink.

- My favorite color is your eyes.

That is a Rusty original.

[both laughing]

- It must be tough to watch Rusty

with the girl of your dreams.

- I'm actually happy for those two.

And you know what? It's nice just being friends

with Charlie.

- You're a pretty evolved guy, Lincoln.

Hey, you know, I quoted you twice

in my session with Dr. Lopez last week.

- Therapy shout-out. I'll take it.

Did you tell her about your seagull nightmare?

- I'm working up to it.

[both laugh]

- Mm, putting a fresh coat of gold paint

on the thrones, huh?

[laughs]

- Yep.

- Well, they look great, but they're not very comfortable

to sit in. [laughs]

I would know because I've sat in them.

I won. I wastheKangaroo Queen.

- I have a girlfriend.

- And who are you?

- I'm Lori Loud, former Kangaroo Queen.

Hop hop. [laughs]

- Oh, hey, Mrs. Loud.

- I also attended the Kangaroo Hop

in middle school.

I did not get a crown.

- Because you were runner-up.

- Yes.

- There's no prize for runner-up?

- I did get a gift certificate

to the Royal Woods' Lumber Yard.

[clears throat]

Can I try on your crown? - I would love to.

Unfortunately, I swore an oath to the Kangaroo Kourt

to honor and upload the bylaws therein of crown etiquette.

- A simple "no" would have sufficed.

- Boo!

- More like "roo" as in "kangaroo."

[both laugh] - Well then, g'day, mate.

[sighs] Ooh.

Crikey! - [laughs]

I am Lincoln Loud.

I'm going solo to the dance.

I was going to take my fellow Action News correspondent

Stella, as a friend, but she's at a science fair.

She's k*lling it on the science fair circuit.

- My name is Clyde McBride,

and I'm going to the Kangaroo Hop

with my dad's chiropractor's daughter.

Her name is Marnie Steppenberg,

and according to her father, she is very well-adjusted.

That's a chiropractor joke.

- So your dad set you up?

Interesting.

Would they be open to settin' down for a spell?

- Uh, they don't really like talking about me.

- We are Clyde's dads. - Hi.

I'm Harold. This is Howard.

Uh! Wait a minute.

I'm Howard. Oh, my gosh.

I am so nervous.

- We are so proud of our Clyde and all of his accomplishments.

- Yay! - [laughs]

Let's see here. First tooth. First crawl.

- Oh, he could crawl like the wind.

Aw. - First airplane ride.

- That's when he found out that peanuts were free.

- And we found out he was allergic to peanuts.

- Oh, yes, but there is one milestone

we have yet to fill in.

First first love.

- [coos] - Our Clyde is in middle school

but he hasn't exactly clicked with that special someone.

- Enter us.

- Click. [both laugh]

- Tonight we're hoping that Clyde

will be holding hands

with a certain chiropractor's daughter.

- Ooh, can I tell him the story about the day we met?

- Oh, boy. Okay.

Well, let me get a tissue first.

Okay, go. - It was November .

I had just moved to town, and there was an art exhibit

at the community center.

I saw this one from across the room,

and I noticed we both had the same jacket.

- Guy Girrard's double-breasted parka.

- Cut to the coat check,

and we accidentally put on each other's jackets.

When we switched back, this one,

being the gentleman that he is,

put mine on for me.

When my hand came through that sleeve,

his hand was right there.

- It was electric.

- We've been holding hands ever since.

[both laugh]

[lively sports music]

- Howdy, sports fans.

This is your old pal, AJ Squaredaway,

and welcome to Volcanoes baseball.

Pitching today for the Volcanoes,

flame-throwing rookie sensation,

Cannonball Wilson.

- Hey, Lynn, I'm rolling out some new appetizers

for Lynn's Table, and I would love to get some feedback.

- Not now, Dad. Cannonball Wilson is pitching.

This guy could throw a pork chop past a hungry wolf.

- Oh, speaking of pork chops,

you wanna try this pork dumpling

and maybe I can ask you a few questions?

[tense music]

Okay, I see you twirling a baseball bat,

so I'm going to leave these here

with a brief questionnaire.

I'm leaving. [clears throat]

[light playful music]

- Say that again, Clyde?

Oh, okay. So you're gonna take

the pre-dance pictures at the Louds' house.

Uh-huh, okay, and, uh,

and Lincoln's dad is making special appetizers.

Oh, that sounds delicious.

All right, Clyde.

Well, I want you to have fun.

This is your big day.

[laughs] All right.

Mwah.

[both scream]

[breathing heavily]

- Apparently the Louds have burgled our milestone.

- What kind of people steal the most important moment

of a child's life and don't have the decency

to extend an invitation to the parents of said child?

- I guess children isn't enough for them.

- I say this without the slightest bit of hyperbole.

The Louds have ruined our lives.

- Howard. - [cries]

- [chewing sounds]

Mmm.

Mmm.

This is the best bacon-wrapped scallop I ever tasted.

- "Best ever."

Hey, uh, you told your dads

about coming over tonight, right?

- Uh, absolutely.

Mmm.

[cheerful music]

[indistinct chatter]

♪ ♪

- In sixth grade, I was in the Kangaroo Kourt.

In eighth, I took the crown.

[laughter]

- [high-pitched] G'day, Charlie.

♪ Korn dogs, you gotta get a Korn dog ♪

♪ Just past the center of town ♪

- If you're heading west. [both laugh]

[balloon squeaking]

- [gasps] Thanks, Lincoln.

- I've literally never made a balloon animal before.

- This is so cool.

[lively sports music]

- Ooh, a swing and a miss.

- Yes! - Cannonball is perfect again.

- [humming]

[door closes] - Hey.

The Red Roosters have no runs, Lincoln.

- Great.

- They have no runs and no... "other things."

And it's the top of the sixth. - Cool?

- Do you understand what I'm saying, Lincoln?

- I'm sorry, Lynn. I'm kind of a casual

baseball fan. - For the casual baseball fan,

lemme explain what's happening here.

You see, ol' Cannonball's throwin' a no-hitter.

Now superstition says none of his teammates

can say "boo" about it.

See folks, when a pitcher is on a roll,

the last thang you wanna do is make a big thang out of it

because he'll get in his own head,

give up a homer, and it's bye-bye no-no.

- You see, Lincoln?

- Yeah, the guy's doing great,

and if people tell him he's doing great,

it'll jinx him, and he'll stop doing great.

Gotta go.

- Hey there, Casanova.

You're doing pretty good with Charlie.

- What are you talking about?

- As a former Kangaroo Queen,

I know a little something about young love.

You're cracking her up,

you're making her balloon animals,

and from where I'm standing, it's working.

You're on a roll, Lincoln.

- I am?

Yeah, I guess I am.

- Big mistake. - What?

- Lincoln was doing great, and then you told him

he was doing great, and now he's gonna stop doing great

because he's in his own head.

You jinxed him.

- That's ridiculous.

- Literally. [scoffs]

- Oh, hey, Lincoln.

Can you make me another kangaroo balloon?

I named this one Charlie,

and I wanna name the other one Lincoln.

- No problemo.

[dramatic music]

I'm not jinxed.

[dramatic music crescendos]

- Lynn's totally wrong with her no-hitter theory.

Everything is fine.

I mean, sure, I wasn't aware I was doing great with Charlie,

and now I am.

But that's not gonna change anything.

I'm still gonna be the same confident guy I've always been.

I'm the plan with the man.

[light playful music]

I'm just gonna go downstairs and be the same confident guy

I've always been.

It's all good.

Aah!

[groaning]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

Oh, are those the skewers I've heard so much about?

- Oh, people are talkin'.

- Can you see him? Did you see him?

Are you seeing him? Can you see him?

Did you see him?

- When I see him, I will tell you.

[gasps] Ooh, there's Clyde.

- Who is he with?

How does he look? How is he feeling?

How am I feeling? Aah, talk to me!

- He's with Marnie.

He looks contemplative.

- What? Let me see.

He does look contemplative. [sighs]

I cannot believe that Clyde's in there having a milestone

while we're out here looking through antique binoculars

that we got at that estate sale in Vermont.

It was such a good trip.

- Oh, Clyde learned to tie his shoes

on that trip. - I cannot believe

the Louds didn't invite us.

- Next time I see that Lynn Loud Sr., I'm gonna

[in a deep voice] give him my deep voice.

[knocking] - Hey, guys.

- Well, hi! - Hi!

We're just out driving around.

- Yeah, doing the real estate thing.

We're looky-loos. [both laugh]

- Hey, where ya been?

Clyde told you we invited you, right?

[happy music distorts]

both: Of course he did.

- Oh, get in here. Hey, I love your ride.

[both laugh] It's no Vanzilla.

[both laugh]

[both gasp]

- Time to get this train back on the tracks.

- You two look absolutely adorable.

- Apropos of nothing, do you have a coat

that Clyde could help you put on later?

- Yeah.

- [high-pitched] Showtime.

G'day, mate. I'm a boxing kangaroo.

Boo. [both laugh]

Whoo! Whoo! - [grunts]

- Oh! - Oh.

- [voice deepens] I'm so sorry.

- It's okay.

My dad can fix it.

- Oh, yes, he can.

- He can do it. - He's opening a second office.

- He's a miracle worker.

- So, uh, Lincoln, who's your date?

- I'm actually going solo to the dance.

- Which I think is really cool.

- She thinks I'm really cool.

Wait, "really cool"?

Is she being sarcastic?

Because going to the dance by yourself really isn't cool.

Oh, my gosh. She thinks I'm not cool!

You gotta fix this, Lincoln.

Say something cool.

I'm taking my sister to the dance!

- Okay?

- Which is cool, because a lot of guys wouldn't do that.

It takes a lot of confidence to take your sister to a dance.

And I'm very confident.

And cool.

As you know.

Whew. Nice save, Lincoln.

Now all I need to do is get one of my sisters

to go to the dance with me, and I'm back in the game.

- [laughing] It's a bad idea.

- [laughing] It's a terrible idea.

- Picture?

- I know you're busy, Luan.

But if you change your mind, I could get matching suits

for me and Mr. Coconuts. - Pffft!

[dramatic musical sting] - Hello, Lincoln.

I hear you need a companion to accompany you

to your sacred dance ritual.

- Lucy, you're a lifesaver,

and you don't have to worry about what to wear because--

- I can't go.

I've made a blood promise to Edwin

that we'd attend our first dance together.

- [sighs]

How can a guy with ten sisters not have one that wants to go

to a middle school dance with him?

All right, it's Lynn or bust.

- Hey, Lincoln, how's it going? - Terrible.

Ever since you told me I was doing great with Charlie,

I've done nothing but b*mb.

- Okay, it can't be that bad.

- I kangaroo-punched Clyde's date,

then bragged about taking my sister to a dance,

which, by the way, was a lie,

because everyone except for Lynn turned me down,

including you.

Maybe I'll take this fern.

I'll be the man with the plant.

- I'm sorry, Lincoln, but as a former Kangaroo Queen,

I can only be seen with former Kangaroo Royalty.

- I know. You explained the Pouch Promise.

- [laughs] Oh, so you understand.

- Well...

it says nothing in here about a Pouch Promise.

- I can confirm that.

- [sighs] - Nothing.

- So according to that there book,

you should be able to try on the crown.

[upbeat music]

- It was literally added in the bylaws in .

- Ah.

[lively sports music]

- Three outs to go for Cannonball.

Man, this place is buzzin' like a beehive in July.

My goosebumps have goosebumps. Whoo!

- I'm not going to the dance with you, Lincoln.

- [sighs]

- Lincoln, I figured out what your problem is.

When you weren't trying, Charlie liked you.

But now you're trying so hard

that you literally reek of desperation.

So we need to get you back to the point

where Charlie felt like you didn't care.

- You're right.

It's so obvious.

Thank you, Lori.

Now I completely understand women.

[upbeat music]

- There he is. Hey, Lincoln.

- Enough, Charlie.

[music fades]

I don't like you. I just don't.

[crowd applause on TV]

- And here's the pitch from Cannonball.

- I hope this clears everything up.

- Jeez, Lincoln.

Sorry. [bat clacks]

- Oh, no. It's a swing and a drive to deep left!

Oh! That ain't coming back, folks.

- [groans]

- Well, you really did it this time, Lincoln.

Things couldn't get any worse.

Pfftt.

:. Seems like a good enough time to go to bed.

[door creaks open] - Come on, Lincoln.

[soft music]

Tough night, huh, buddy?

- Nothing personal, Liam.

Could you please turn that camera off?

I'm really not in the mood.

- Sure thing, Linc.

- Have you ever really wanted something...

and just messed it up?

- Sure, plenty of times.

- [sighs] That's the way I feel with Charlie.

- Okay, gather around, kangaroos.

[laughs] [light dinging]

Ten minutes before we hop off to the dance.

[cowbell ringing]

- And nine minutes to turn in your appetizer feedback

questionnaires. - I repeat,

ten minutes until the moment we've all been waiting for.

- And now, the moment we've all been waiting for,

this year's Kangaroo Queen is...

Brenda Wilkinson.

- Oh, thank you!

- [whispering] What is she doing?

- Oh, my God, how embarrassing. [scattered applause]

- Th--thank you for voting for Brenda.

I-I was just thinking, um... [laughs]

how much I did not wanna win,

so thank you for not voting for me.

[whispering continues]

Please, um, enjoy the rest of your night.

And make smart choices.

- Kangaroo Hop, people!

This is the biggest night of the year.

- We get it. [forced laughs]

Big night.

Just keep your expectations low.

- Everybody, make sure you have your phones,

your tickets to the dance, and your jackets.

Ten minutes until Clyde helps Marnie put on her jacket.

- minutes and seconds.

- Two hands will dangle ever so closely.

- minutes, seconds.

- And this milestone will take its place

in the pages of destiny.

- [laughs] - You fellars about done?

I gotta start cuttin' some of this footage together.

- Oh.

- Nothing personal, Liam.

Could you please turn that camera off?

- Plenty of times. - [sighs]

That's the way I feel with Charlie.

Charlie's sweet and funny and really pretty.

[emotional music]

And I know my sister said that I can't tell her that,

but it's the truth, and I messed it up.

And I'm feeling it right here.

Also I may have bruised my ribs

falling down the stairs.

Charlie probably won't ever wanna talk to me again.

But if she did, here's what I'd say.

I really like you, Charlie.

♪ ♪

I mean, I'd say it better than that, but...

I really like her.

- Farm boy! Grab your accoutrements.

- We have a fairy-tale ending

for whatever it is you're doing.

- Come on!

[grand music]

- Lemme get that.

- [gasps]

[romantic music]

♪ ♪

[music distorts, stops]

- Thanks, Clyde. - Sure.

- [groans]

- Cannonball blew the game.

I can be your date to that dance.

- He already has a date.

♪ ♪

- You wanna go with me?

- I saw your interview.

I really like you too.

- I'd be honored to take you to the dance.

Wait, what about Rusty?

- We broke up a couple weeks ago.

He didn't tell you?

- Hey. - You don't deserve this.

[sentimental music]

[chattering indistinctly]

- Oh. [laughs]

♪ ♪

- It's chillier than I thought.

- Allow me.

- Aww. - Aww.

- Aww.

- You have your milestone.

- Yep, somebody gave my pigs in a blanket a perfect ten.

[laughs]

- That crown would've looked so good on me.

- You know, it's funny you should mention that

because I happen to have found this.

It's crazy, right? - [laughs]

- You will always be my queen.

- Aww.

- Brenda Wilkinson doesn't hold a candle to you.

- Oh, honey. - [laughs]

- Did this have pork dumplings in it?

- Oh, there's still some in there.

[engine turns] Bye!

- Whoo! - Have fun!

- Drive safe! - Let's go to the dance, guys.

- Yeah! - Yes!

[Huey Lewis & The News' "The Power of Love"]

♪ ♪

- ♪ The power of love ♪

♪ Is a curious thing ♪

♪ Make one man weep ♪

♪ Make another man sing ♪

♪ Change a hawk ♪

♪ To a little white dove ♪

♪ More than a feelin' ♪

♪ That's the power of love ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Tougher than diamonds ♪

♪ Rich like cream ♪

♪ Stronger and harder ♪

♪ Than a bad girl's dream ♪

♪ Make a bad one good ♪

♪ Ooh, make a wrong one right ♪

♪ The power of love will keep you home at night ♪

♪ You don't need money ♪

♪ Don't take fame ♪

♪ Don't need no credit card ♪

♪ To ride this train ♪

♪ It's strong and it's sudden ♪

♪ And it's cruel sometimes ♪

♪ But it might just save your life ♪

♪ That's the power of love ♪

♪ You don't need money ♪

♪ Don't take fame ♪

♪ Don't need no credit card to ride this train ♪

♪ It's strong and it's sudden ♪

♪ And it's cruel sometimes ♪

♪ But it might just save your life ♪

♪ That's the power of love ♪

♪ That's the power of love ♪

♪ ♪