01x05 - Ro-Bro

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles] - Come on!

It's picture time!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ In the Loud House ♪ ♪ The Really Loud House ♪

[heavy metal music]

- It's finally here.

- Clyde, come check this out.

- "Blood Bath and Beyond: Deathfest "

in stores now.

Rated L for "Lethal."

- I wish we were old enough to buy that game.

Why do -year-olds get to have all the fun?

The video games, tattoos...

- Voting for your favorite local politician.

[sighs]

What?

Be the change you want to see in the world.

- Hey, let's call Flip and see if he'll buy it for us.

- I don't know, Lincoln.

It's rated L for "let's maybe not do this."

And besides, that game would definitely give me nightmares.

- [sighs] Come on, Clyde.

We've been talking about "Deathfest " for weeks!

We're in middle school now.

We can't keep playing "Kitten Emergency."

- We love "Kitten Emergency."

We got the highest score in Michigan that one summer.

The mayor wrote us a letter,

and they even put our picture up at the kitten shelter.

- Clyde, we were in the third grade.

You got to stop living in the past.

- Lincoln, the mayor!

- Ugh, can we please just drop this?

- Okay, look, I'm just saying,

what other third grader do you know

that has a picture with the mayor?

- Do we know any older cool guys

that would buy "Deathfest " for us?

- Do we know any cool guys?

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- Sup, little bro-deo?

Ready to go have some burgs? - You know, big bro.

- Oh, and look what else I got you.

[screaming]

- "Blood Bath and Beyond "?

But Mom said I was too young to play this.

- Yeah, that's why it's rated L for "Lorraine sucks."

Lorraine's Mom's name, dude. - Oh, yeah.

[engine turns over]

- "Blood Bath and Beyond: Deathfest "

in stores now.

Get it today.

[whimsical music]

- Sup, little dude?

Saw you at school and thought you might want one of these.

♪ ♪

- "Deathfest "? No way.

- Yes way.

- Why did you do this for me?

- It's just what big bros do.

♪ ♪

[music fades] - Lincoln!

Excuse me, brother.

I couldn't help noticing

you seem to be in a bit of a trance.

A penny for your thoughts? - Sure.

I guess I was thinking it would be nice

to have a cool guy to hang out with.

- Interesting.

It seems to me you already have that position filled

with your best friend, Clyde.

♪ ♪

[door slams]

- Okay, I know you weren't a huge fan of "Kitten Emergency,"

so I got us the video game that we've both been waiting for.

- No way.

- Yes way.

"Fishing Fanatics ."

Voted the number one fishing game

in "That's Fishy Magazine."

[music fades]

- Clyde.

Read my lips:

no fish, no kittens.

Clyde's great,

but I'm more thinking along the lines of a cool older brother.

Anyways, I guess it doesn't matter.

- Interesting.

[whispering]

- I agree, Todd.

That's a very interesting hypothesis.

Good job.

[distant clattering] - Aah!

Aah, my ding-dang neck!

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times:

never mop and bake at the same time.

- Once a year, without fail,

my dad wrenches his neck pretty bad.

- ♪ Highway to the Danger Zone ♪

- Aah! Aah! - ♪ Gonna take it right into ♪

♪ The Danger Zone ♪

♪ Highway to the Danger Zone ♪ [cr*ck]

- Aah...

- But luckily, he has a very elaborate routine

to nurse himself back to health.

- Ah, I forgot my cucumber slices.

[pants]

Hey, hey, hey. Did you clog the toilet?

- Mm, not yet.

- No, no, no, no, no, no--

Listen, you--aah! [cr*ck]

Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah.

[tranquil music]

♪ ♪

[rooster crows] Aah!

[toilet flushes]

- That took seven hours to come out.

I'd wait seven hours to go in.

- [panting]

Aah!

[Rudy clucks]

- What? Rudy has to go too.

[Rudy clucking]

- Here's Lincoln, as you requested.

I found him out in the bushes.

- It's not my fault!

Lana's rooster had to use the bathroom.

- Thank you, Todd.

The reason I summoned you here today

is because I think I have the solution to your bro pro.

"Bro pro" stands for brother problem, mi hermano.

"Mi hermano" means my brother in Spanish.

"Spanish" is-- - I got it.

Just tell me why I'm here.

- I give you...

the Ro-Bro .

It's your very own older brother.

I watched numerous movies and TV shows from the s

and programmed him with all the features

of an ideal older brother.

Needless to say, he's brimming with bro-tential.

- Thanks, Lisa.

So I can just sit here and hang out with him?

- You can do better than that.

[car approaching]

[tires screech]

- I don't know what to say.

- Go say hi to your new brother.

[epic music]

♪ ♪

[rock music]

- What is up, bro?

How you living? What is good?

- Whoa. Everything is good now.

Is this really happening?

- Word to your mother. Ha! Let's bounce.

Hope you don't mind going fast and looking awesome.

Do you like math?

Because us plus this car equals party time.

Time to make these tires chirp.

Pop on this fresh lid.

The Loud brothers are on the loose.

- Yeah, we are.

- Bro style.

- Oh!

- Tight.

We are going to hit every hot spot

in Royal Woods, bro.

- Actually, Ro-Bro, I need to be back in minutes

to do my homework.

- Is that a dare?

♪ ♪

minutes flat.

Told you we could have gotten those nose rings.

Someone's taking a drive to Tummy Ache Town.

- I don't know if this is me or the cotton candy talking,

but you may be the coolest guy I've ever met.

- No lies detected.

You got it.

If the bar ain't bending,

you're just pretending.

- [sighs] Whoo!

- Down to toss the disk?

- You know it!

Oh, my homework. [sighs]

- Calculating answers.

Neil Armstrong. Alexander Graham Bell.

Taylor Swift, but Beyoncé was robbed.

- Awesome!

- Welcome to Harvard.

Go long, bro.

- My yard, my property!

- I'll get it. - Don't bother.

Once stuff goes into Mr. Grouse's yard,

it stays there forever.

He's big and mean, and we'll never get it back.

- Have you met me? I am Ro-Bro.

Step aside.

Crash!

- What in the blazes?

Get off my lawn, robot!

- Here! Here! Here! Here! - You give me back my stuff!

- Here! Here! Here! Here! - Why, you rascal-y robot!

- Now you've got no balls! Ha ha!

- I'm calling the fuzz!

- Chill out, Karen.

- Lily, we found your car!

[bell rings]

- I can't believe Mrs. Salter gave me a B.

I mean, look at the schnoz on Lincoln!

Thing took me a week! [sighs]

Well, anyway, who's picking us up?

Leni or your mom?

- Neither.

♪ ♪

- Somebody's new in town.

- Doesn't anybody else notice that's a robot?

- That's not a robot. That's my big brother.

- What's up, broseph?

- Thanks for picking me up. Today is the best day ever.

- It's about to get even better.

[screaming]

- "Blood Bath and Beyond: Deathfest "?

Thanks!

- Hi. I'm Clyde.

Hope you have room for George, Thomas, Teddy, and Abe.

[rapid beeping]

[buzzer blares]

Just pop the trunk. I'll throw them in the back.

- That's a great idea.

Not!

[tires squeal]

- Thanks, Ro-Bro! I can't wait to play this game.

- Let's mash some buttons.

[tranquil music]

- [exhales sharply]

Dare I get another candle?

I dare.

- Thanks, Dad.

[door slams]

- Hey!

Hey, I was using the bathroom.

- Keyword: was.

Sorry, Dad, big pageant tomorrow.

Got to take care of the moneymaker.

- [sighs] Okay.

How much time are you gonna need?

- Well, I have to exfoliate, tone, moisturize,

peel, lather, rinse, repeat, and re-foliate.

This magic doesn't happen by accident.

- Fine, I'll wait.

[sighs]

Good luck with the pageant.

[groans]

- Love ya!

- Yes! - Nice maneuver!

You're the man, L-Train!

- L-Train? I'm not hating that nickname.

This game's everything I dreamed of and more.

I'm gonna get real for a second, Ro-Bro.

I look up to you.

You're cool and thoughtful.

And the world needs more Ro-Bros.

- Compliment registered.

Now rip off that alien's arms and use them like chopsticks.

[video game zapping]

- Okay. Sorry I'm late, guys.

Oh, hey, Mr. Ro-Bro.

- Mr. Ro-Bro is my dad.

- Uh, you must have hit the accelerator

instead of the trunk opener.

Totally understandable.

- Chug a Flippee and grab some couch, C-Train.

- That sounds totes amazing.

I'm actually a little dusty, so I was hoping

I could grab some rinse-age, AKA take a quick bath.

- Not today, C-Train. Daddy's got dibs.

- I'm headed to the top of that building.

Cover me, bro. - You got it, bro.

Leeroy Jenkins!

- You got to get in on this, C-Train.

- Here we go. This is it.

- Let's go! - Get him! Ha ha ha!

- Set up the tarp! - Yes!

- Clyde, use the tree trunk to sweep his legs!

- Make him eat bark, bro.

- Then press X to cover him with leaves.

- I don't know. He looks hurt.

Which buttons do I press to call the paramedics?

- Come on, dude.

My nerd alert is going off.

I thought you said this guy was cool.

- He is.

Come on, Clyde! Press X!

Press...

I'll do it.

[expl*si*n] Yes!

- Ha ha!

The Loud brothers are k*lling it.

- I guess I'll show myself out.

- Oh, yes! - Reload!

I think those Martians want to party.

Ha ha ha!

- Oh, huge mutant. - Oh, oh! Nice one!

- Yes! - Come on!

- C-Train is leaving the station.

[video game zapping continues]

- Hey, where'd Clyde go?

- We are so good at this game. - Yeah.

- Stay focused. We are almost to the hot tub.

[eerie music]

♪ ♪

[futuristic music]

♪ ♪

- L-Train to C-Train, what's your location?

- Hi, Lincoln. - You were supposed to be

flushing out mutants in Sector .

- I just wanted to see if you guys wanted some lemon squares.

Now, I'm not supposed to snack between meals,

but...

we like to live on the edge.

- We do not have time for that.

- His lemon squares are delicious.

- Is this guy for real?

I need soldiers, not bakers.

[rumbling]

- Aah! Help!

That's why we wear the helmets, boys.

- Leave the nerd. Grab the lemon squares.

- I think, together, we can lift the rubble.

- Why? Is there a lemon square under it?

- No, to get my best friend, Clyde, out.

- Forget him. He's dead weight, bro.

Let's roll. - No! No!

- Come on. - Don't leave me here!

I forgot my juice boxes!

Lincoln!

- Clyde!

- Lincoln!

- Clyde!

Clyde!

[panting]

Ro-Bro? Ro-Bro?

[powering up]

- This better be important.

Ro-Bro was having a dream about Robot Weather Lady.

- Ro-Bro, I think we've been being mean to Clyde.

- Who? - C-Train.

- Forget that guy.

He is not a bro like us.

- He may not be a bro like you,

but he's the coolest guy I've ever known.

- I agree with half of that.

- Listen, Ro-Bro, me and Clyde are like this.

And if you think he's not cool, then you think I'm not cool.

- I think you're both not cool.

- Well, I think we owe him an apology.

- I think I owe you a wet willy.

- What?

What? How is that even--

[grunts]

You know what, Ro-Bro?

I don't want you to be my big brother anymore.

- Too bad. Ro-Bro is not going anywhere.

My battery has a half-life of , years!

- [scoffs] Well, you're not in charge.

I'm in charge.

- Then why are you hitting yourself?

Stop hitting yourself!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

- Look, it's the Robot Weather Lady!

- Weather Lady, receive my affection.

What is my forecast?

- [chuckles] It's Lynn time.

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Lincoln! Lincoln, no!

Lincoln! Lincoln! - Sorry, Dad.

- Aah!

Please get out of the bathroom!

- I can't. My robot brother turned evil.

And if I don't stop him now, my relationship with Clyde is over

and our entire family may be doomed

to a lifetime of eternally hitting ourselves.

- Fine. I'll give you five minutes.

[cr*ck] Ooh!

Wait, that did it!

It feels great! Thanks, buddy!

- L-Train to C-Train, come in.

L-Train to C-Train, come in!

- I'm not interested in talking

to anyone named L-Train.

- [sighs]

Clyde, I know you're mad at me,

but now is no time to hold grudges.

Ro-Bro turned mean,

and he's making me repeatedly hit myself.

- Well, I don't care.

- Seriously?

[sighs]

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Look, Clyde, you have every right to be mad at me,

but there's only two guys

that can take this robotic punk down,

and their name is Clincoln McCloud.

[hopeful music]

- [panting]

You had me at "Hello? Hello? Hello?"

I brought lemon squares.

♪ ♪

- Our mission, if we choose not to chicken out:

defeat the once super cool,

but now super mean Robot Brother,

aka Ro-Bro.

I'll confront Ro-Bro face-to-face.

You circle around while I have his attention.

Then I'll att*ck his legs

while you do as much damage as possible

with the biggest, bluntest instrument you can find.

- How about your dad's chili cook-off trophy?

- Perfect.

- You know, that chili was next level.

I think the key was the brown sugar.

- It was good chili. - Yeah.

- Now let's go kick some robot butt.

♪ ♪

[epic music]

- Looking for this?

Chili out.

You guys are next.

- Let's go reevaluate. [music fades]

- Go!

[both panting]

- Plan B, we throw ourselves at his feet and beg for mercy.

- That's my go-to move.

- No, Clyde, we can't give up.

Sure, he's bigger than us--

- And stronger than us. - True.

- And smarter than us. - Yeah.

- Oh, and also cooler than us. - Clyde!

We've been in tighter situations than this.

As long as we have the element of surprise on our side,

he can't win.

[lights power off]

- Surprise.

It's go-time, nerds.

[suspenseful music]

- Sorry, Ro-Bro.

My best friend is afraid of the dark.

- Come catch these hands, you...

glorified vacuum cleaner!

[clang]

Ooh. Aah... - Your pain is my gain.

- You're up, buddy.

- I'm gonna hit you so hard,

your robot kids will be born dizzy!

[clang] Aah!

- I've got abs of steel.

[underwear strains]

- You call that a wedgie?

- It normally goes over his head!

- Clyde!

- Wedgie time!

- [groans]

No, no! Let me go!

[squeaks] Ow.

- How is it hanging, bro?

- [groans]

- Wait a minute.

Lincoln, don't you see what's happening?

- Not seeing much of anything right now, Clyde.

- You can't out-bro this guy. I mean, he feeds off it.

If we have to k*ll him,

we have to k*ll him with kindness.

Ro-Bro, we know you're really not this mean.

We know deep down that you have feelings.

- Ro-Bro feels nothing.

- We don't hate you.

We know there must be some reason you act like this.

- How is you relationship with your father?

- Ro-Bro's father worked at mill.

Never had time for Ro-Bro.

- [grunts] Well-- [underwear tears]

- --that's not your fault, Ro-Bro.

- We have time for you.

- And we're not going anywhere.

- Eh, nerds.

Bench press.

Muscle car.

Ro-Bro losing bro energy.

- Your dad may not have loved you,

but I do.

[tender music]

- Ro-Bro feels cold.

[powering down]

- Experiment concluded.

Our hypothesis was confirmed.

True friendship is a bond that cannot be broken.

- You did it, Lincoln!

- No, Clyde. We did it.

- It can go through rocky times.

[video game zapping]

It can be threatened by things that appear

to be more fun and cooler...

- Oh!

[tires squeal]

- And more powerful.

But in the end...

- I'm sorry I treated you so poorly.

I was so excited to have a cool brother

that I forgot I had one all along,

and his name is Clyde McBride,

my brother from two other fathers.

- True friendship lasts forever.

[laughter]

[bike bells chime]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[Nickelodeon theme]