04x12 - The Phantom of Sneer Mansion!

[bunniefuu]

Narrator:

Narrator: This

Narrator: This is

Narrator: This is the

Narrator: This is the
Evergreen

Narrator: This is the
Evergreen forest.

Quiet, peaceful, serene.

That is, until
Bert Raccoon wakes up.

Bert Raccoon: Yahoooo!

♪♪

Yeeeehaaaa!

Yikes!

Yaaaah...
[bam!]

[laughs]
[smash!]

Yeaaaah!

Narrator: Luckily, he has some
good friends to help him out.

Broo: [panting]

♪♪

Narrator: Life would be simple
in the forest except for...

Cyril Sneer!

[bleep blarp bloop]

And his life would be simple
except for...

the Raccoons!!

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

[wolf howls]

Narrator: Everyone loves
a good ghost story,

but if you're Cyril Sneer,

and at times find past coming
back to haunt you,

chances are it's by a ghost
you created yourself.

Bert: I'm telling you, Cedric,

this play of yours is a
guaranteed smash hit.

Listen to this.

By-line Bert Raccoon.

Sneer Mansion Music
Hall set to re-open

with fabulous new play

by budding genius, Cedric Sneer.

Cedric: Ah, Bert.

Cyril: The padlock is rusty.

Don't you, overstuffed
pork bellies,

ever oil anything around here?

Pig 1: But boss, after
what happened the last time

you did a show here,
you told us..

Cyril: Never mind that.

Cedric needs a place
to perform his play.

And if you three did a little
work around here for a change,

I could let him in here.

Cedric: Gee, Pop,
how come you stopped

producing shows here anyway?

Cyril: Why? Uh,
because the theater

is no place for
making money, Cedric.

Got it!

[door squeaks]

Pig 3: I-It's k-kind
of creepy in there, boss.

Bert: Oooh, yeah!

This place will be great
for Cedric's play!

You don't suppose
it's haunted, do you?

Hoo, boy. What a story
that would make!

Cedric: It is kinda spooky.

Cyril: He-he, nonsense.

All it needs is a good cleaning.

[door squeaks]

Cedric: Uh, what was that, Pop?

Cyril: Just the wind boys..

[laughs] Nothing
to be afraid of.

Pigs: Afraid? Who's afraid?

[loud slam!]
All: Aahhh!!

Pig: Um, boss, when we said,

we wanted to be in the theatre..

Pig2: This isn't exactly,
what we meant.

Cyril: What are you
complaining about?

You're in this
theatre, aren't you?

And you get to stay here until
that lighting grid is gleaming.

Understand?

Ralph: Everyone on the
list has auditioned so,

now I'll call on our
playwright and director,

Cedric Sneer, to
announce the cast list

for the Mystery of
the Haunted Treasure.

Knox: Excuse me, sir..

but I trust we are not too late.

Lady Baden-Baden:
I have come to audition

for your play, Cedric.

Knox: I hope this won't take
long, my little rose bush.

I do have a meeting
for our latest big deal.

Lady Baden-Baden:
Oooh, Knoxie, I shall be,

as the bard said,
tedious brief. [laughs]

Cyril: Knox old pal, I
couldn't help but overhear

you mention a big deal?

Knox: Frankly, Sir,
dealing with you

always ends up
costing me money.

Not that money can buy
happiness, of course.

Cyril: It can't?!

Knox: Now take my
little cabbage leaf.

Why, she has her heart set
on a part in your boy's play.

And frankly, Sir,

what makes my little
grapevine happy,

makes me happy.

Lady Baden-Baden: Straight to
the very heart of my heart.

Cedric: Gee, that was swell,
Lady Baden-Baden,

but, uh, based on
all the auditions,

I think the lead
should go to Melissa.

Bert: Hey, Melissa,
you're gonna be a star!

Knox: This is going to
hurt my little turnip green

a great deal, Sir.

Cyril: Uh, heh heh,

hold on Knox...uh, Cedric?

Cedric: But there is the part of
the innkeeper, Lady Baden-Baden.

It doesn't have any lines, but..

Lady Baden-Baden:
I should be honored, Cedric.

After all, there
are no small parts,

merely small actors.

Cyril: Cedric,
don't be a fool!

This play needs Lady Baden-Baden
in a featured part.

Cedric: But, Pop..
Cyril: No buts!

As producer of this show,
I know what's best for me..

I mean, you. He!

She needs lines, lots of lines.

Cedric: Well..
I guess I can try.

Cyril: Good boy, Cedric.

He-eh! Knox, old buddy...

Where are those
bungling bacon bits?

Pigs!
Pigs: Aaaaa!!

Ahhh!

Pig 1: You wanted
to see us, boss?

Cyril: I want the full
red carpet treatment

for Lady Baden-Baden!

So roll out that
crate of costumes

and find her the
best in the house.

Stop hanging around
and get to work!

By the time I'm finished,
Lady Baden-Baden

is going to have the
best part in this play,

and I am going to have a
great part in Knox's big deal.

Pigs: Uaaaah!
Lady Baden-Baden: Huh?

Pigs: Huh? Oooff. Ouch.

Knox: I say, Sir..

Cyril: Ahhhhhhhhhh.
[smash!]

You blundering bacon buffoons!

Cedric: Gee, Pop, this time,

I don't think
it was their fault.

Pig 3: Who was
driving that crate?

Cedric: I guess it
was just an accident.

Bert: Sorry, Cedric,
but this was no accident.

Read this.

Cedric: Oh my gosh. It says..

Beware!

Pop says adding new lines
will make the play better.

So why am I finding
them so hard to write?

Bert: Ah, Cedric,
you're just nervous,

cause it's your
first day of rehearsal.

But look at Broo and me,

we're off to see if that
theatre really is haunted.

And are we nervous?

Cedric: You don't think it
really could be haunted, do you?

Bert: Well, if it is,

Bert Raccoon, ace reporter,

will get the story.

Now, c'mon Cedric,
your public awaits.

Ralph: now in this scene
Lady Baden-Baden enters

as the innkeeper and leads
Melissa into the empty basement.

Cedric wrote you a new line
here, Lady Baden-Baden.

Lady Baden-Baden: And here
is the empty basement. Hmm.

Ralph: You exit,
and Melissa looks around

for the treasure chest,

but be careful not to step
on that button, Melissa.

It's set to open the trap
door in a later scene.

Then Schaeffer as the ghost
to frighten Melissa away.

Schaeffer: I'll be there
as soon as I figure out

this ghost sheet, Ralph.

[phone ringing]

Bert: Hello? Oh, sure.

Uh, for you. Mr. Sneer.

Cyril: Who is it?
Bert: It's Mr. Knox.

Cyril: Knox? Of course, Knox.

We're making a big deal
out of everything she does.

[laughs]

Lady Baden-Baden: And here
is the empty basement.

Cyril: In fact,
she's never off the stage.

Cedric: Thanks,
Lady Baden-Baden.

We'll call you when we need you.

Ta-taaa!

Cyril: Uh, I'll get back to you.

Cedric, the innkeeper needs
more lines in this scene.

Long lines, with big words.

Ghost: Ooooh!
Cyril: Not now, Schaeffer.

Ralph: Watch out for
that button, Schaeffer!

[click]
Cyril: Ahhhhh!

Cedric: Pop!
Ralph: Mr. Sneer?

Are you okay?

Cyril: I'm fine.
Just get me out of here!

Schaeffer: It's no use, this
ghost costume doesn't fit.

Cedric/Ralph/Melissa: What?

Melissa: You mean,
you weren't just in here?

Schaeffer: Who me? No, why?

Melissa: I..

I think, this place
is haunted by a real ghost.

Oh, Lady Baden-Baden,

I had no idea you had such a
background in the theatre.

You've performed at the
Royal Victorian Theatre.

Lady Baden-Baden:
Ever so long ago.

Ah, Melissa, the
magic of the theatre.

Its world touched
a shy young girl

and made her believe in
herself for the first time.

It dressed her, like Cinderella,

in beautiful gowns..

Let her express
her innermost soul.

And made so many
dreams come true.

I have often wondered, Melissa,

had I not left the theatre
for the rigours of society,

what might I have become?

Cyril: Lady Baden-Baden,
I've got some ideas on

how we can beef up
your part in the show.

Now in scene one..

Melissa: Excuse me, Mr. Sneer,

but isn't this Cedric's play?

Cyril: Cedric's play,
maybe, but my theatre.

And only I have
the big deal, uh, eh,

uh, the big picture in mind.

Lady Baden-Baden: Melissa's
point is well taken, Cyril..

We must look deep
into ourselves, and..

Oooh dear!
Cyril: What's wrong?

Phantom: Remember
the voices from beyond.

Cyril: The voices from beyond?

Who said that? Aaaah?

Phantom: Beware the phantom.

[spooky laughter]

Bert: Just you wait, Melissa.

With this new equipment of mine,

that phantom is
as good as found.

Melissa: You know, it's
funny about that phantom.

He only shows up when Mr. Sneer
is interfering in Cedric's play.

Bert: Yeah, well, I guess
everyone's a critic.

But look out, phantom.

Bert Raccoon, ace
investigative reporter,

is on the job!

Cyril: There's something fishy
about that phantom.

I just can't quite
put my finger on what.

Pigs!!
- Pigs: Huh?

Cyril: It's time we fixed
that phantom's wagon.

You three get over
to that theatre,

find the phantom
and get rid of it.

I'm going to be part of Knox's
big deal, even if it kills me!

Pig 3: Hm, he means,
even if it kills us.

Bert: Okay Broo, we've
got one super duper

spook-sensitive tape recorder.

Pig2: Two garlands of garlic
to stave off evil spirits.

Bert: An XL3-33 special
phantom camera filter..

Pig 3: Four wooden
stakes to drive through

the hearts of vampires.

Bert: A five pound bag
of flour for the old

'throw the flour on the
ectoplasm' routine.

Pig 1: And a slick vacuum to
suck up ghostly apparitions.

It says so in
the guarantee. Oops.

Bert: I tell ya, Broo,
we have the will,

we have the technology.

And soon we will
have the phantom.

♪♪

Pigs: Huh. What was that?

♪ I can feel the charge
across the air ♪

♪♪

♪ I can read your thoughts when
you're not there ♪

♪♪

♪♪






Bert: Uaaaah!

♪ No matter how lost
you're feeling ♪

♪♪

♪ Even when you're
feeling down ♪

♪ I'll be around

♪ Never even know what
day it is ♪

♪ Never even know what time

♪ I keep on loving you

♪ Keep on loving you

♪ That's the way they
tell me loving is ♪

♪ Always got you on my mind

♪ I can't stop loving you

♪ Can't stop loving you

♪♪

♪ Never know what day it is

♪♪

♪ Never know what time it is

[vacuum cleaner whining]

[tapping]

Pig 1: I got him. Aghhhh.

Pig 2: Need a hand?

Melissa/Cedric/Pig 3: Huh?

Pig 1: Yieee.

Pig 2: Look, boss. It's got
an old script stuck to it

called, The
Voices From Beyond.

Melissa: But that's
what the phantom said

in our dressing room.

Cyril: Give me that.

Cedric: Pop, what's wrong?

You look like you
just saw a ghost.

[echo] Saw ghost, saw ghost!

Voice: You'll pay
for this, Sneer.

Someday I'll make
you pay for this.

Cedric: Pop?

Lady Baden-Baden:
Excuse me, but I seem to
have

misplaced my script.

Ah, Cyril thank
you so very much.

Cyril: Hey! Come back here and..

Lady Baden-Baden:
I beg your pardon?

Cyril: Oh..h, Lady Baden-Baden.

What I meant was..uh..

come back here and perform

any time. Heh he.

Lady Baden-Baden:
You're too kind, I'm sure.

Cyril: Heheh. Pigs!
Pigs: Yes, boss?

Cyril: I want that phantom.

And I want him now. Capeesh?

Pigs: Yes, boss!

Ralph: Uh, let's rehearse the
second act finale everyone.

Bert, could you ask Lady
Baden-Baden to meet us onstage?

Bert: Sure, Ralphie.
C'mon, Broo.

Lady Baden-Baden: Wait a minute.

This isn't my script.

It's, goodness, it's by my
old friend Edward Miller.

Act 1, Scene 1: Is my
heart not aquiver?

Is my soul not aflame?

Am I not they Queen,
and a woman?

Ohhhh, Lady Baden-Baden..

A part you were born to play.

[knocking]

Bert: Lady Baden-Baden?

Lady Baden-Baden: Yesssss?
Is that you, Knoxie?

Bert: No ma'am, it's Bert.

Uh, we kind of need
you onstage. Okay?

Lady Baden-Baden:
Of course, Bert..

I shall be right there..

[crush!]
Oooooh.

[loud tumbling]

Bert: Lady Baden-Baden!?!

Knox: I am appalled, Sir.

I am shocked and outraged.

You mean to tell me my little
sugar apple has disappeared?

Bert: Don't you worry, Mr. Knox.

Bert Raccoon, ace reporter and
super sleuth is on the case!

Now, what do we know?
Cedric: Nothing.

Bert: Nothing. Excellent.

We can start with a clean slate.

Knox: Mr. Sneer,
someone is responsible

for this outrage!!

Bert: Exactly, Mr. Knox.

And I think I know, who.

Bert/Cedric/Cyril/Knox:
Hey? What? Huh?

Schaeffer: We've looked for
Lady Baden-Baden everywhere.

But it's like she just
vanished into thin air.

Ralph: I know, Schaeffer.

First Mr. Sneer has
all those accidents.

Knox: Then my little
key lime pie disappears.

Melissa: And now
the lights go out.

Bert: No problem, Melissa.

For the lights are
on where it counts,

in the fertile brain
of Bert Raccoon.

Ouch.

Who is now going
to break the story

of the phantom wide open.

The key to the whole mystery is
the voices from beyond.

But whose voice?
And beyond where?

Clue number one.

When the crate
ran into Mr. Sneer

the first day of rehearsal,

whose voice came from beyond,

from beyond the stage?

Knox: I say, Sir, look out.

Bert: Clue number two.

When Mr. Sneer fell
through the trap door,

whose voice came from beyond..

from beyond the theatre,
by telephone?

Cyril: Knox..
Uh, of course, Knox.

Knox: What is this
leading to, Sir?

Bert: It's leading, sir,
to clue number three.

Just before
Lady Baden-Baden disappeared,

whose voice did she think she
heard from beyond that door?

Lady Baden-Baden: Yes?
Is that you, Knoxie?

Bert: And why didn't
she call for help?

Knox: Well, that's...

Pig 3: That's the phantom.

Bert: Because she went
with someone she knew.

Pig 1: Quick.

Bert: ..and whose
true identity is..

Pigs: Aiiieeee!
Bert: What's going on?

Pig 3: I've got him!
Pig 2: That's my nose, Lloyd!

Bert: Hey!
Pig 1: Let go!

Pig 3: Ooops.

Cyril: You..you,
incompetent ham hocks!

Knox: This is an outrage!

I shall see you in court, Sir.

Lady Baden-Baden:
Noooo! You shall see this.

Miller: This was to have been
the love scene in my play,

until a callous producer
had his way.

Ralph: What..?

Miller: And this is
what had once begun

as a touching reunion
of father and son.

And now Cyril Sneer,

prepare to meet thy phantom!

Bert: Right!
And the phantom is...

[loud rumble]
All: Ahh!!

Cyril: Edward Miller.
Bert: Precisely!

Uh...

Edward who?

Melissa: The man who wrote
The Voices From Beyond.

Schaeffer: You're the phantom?

Buy why have you been
frightening everyone?

Pigs: Yeah!

Miller: I only meant
to frighten Cyril Sneer.

Cedric: But why?

Miller: Justice.

You see, Cedric,

we have something in common.

For I too once had a play
produced here,

where a greedy producer

turned my playwright's dream

into a nightmare!

Cedric: Is that true, Pop?

Cyril: Uh, oh..

Miller: So when
I read that Cyril was now

going to produce your play,

I stole into the theatre

to try and stop him!

Knox: But that
does not explain, Sir,

your abduction of my
little honey bee.

Lady Baden-Baden: But Knoxie,

I went with him willingly.

I was reading his play,

when suddenly a
secret passage opened,

and voila!

I saw there the greying,

yet distinguished figure

of the promising young
playwright I had once known.

Miller: And she
read my play for me

so..so beautifully.

Lady Baden-Baden was
born to play the lead.

Knox: [sobs]
Lady B-B: The play is brilliant,

and must be produced!

Don't you agree, Cyril?

Cyril: Are you crazy?

Produce the script again?

I nearly lost a fortune
on it in the first place?

Knox: It would mean a great deal

to all of us, Sir.

Cyril: Well, I suppose
with a few rewrites.

Everyone: Rewrites?

Cyril: [laughs] Just a
little producer humor..

Well, what's everybody
standing around for?

Ralph: Onstage, everyone!

Cyril: Uh, Cedric?

Cedric: Yeah, Pop?

Cyril: Eh, speaking
of rewrites..

Cedric: I'm still working
on them, Pop, honest.

Cyril: Well, stop.

I refuse to have you ruin
a perfectly good play

with a lot of mindless revision.

Cedric: But, Pop,
the changes were your...

Cyril: I'm the producer
and I'm telling you,

you put on the play you started
with, or the whole deal's off.

Got it?
Cedric: Got it, Pop!

[loud bang]

Pigs: Yay!

Cyril: As for you three, you've
got a little work to do.

Pigs: Huh?

Cyril: That's right!
I want this set

rebuilt better than new.

Everything has to be
perfect for my son's play.

Pigs: Yes, sir. Yes, sir!

Narrator: There's an old saying
in the theatre

that the rockiest rehearsals
often make

the most rewarding openings.

For Cedric and Cyril Sneer

theirs was finally to be an
opening night to remember.

Audience: [applause, cheering]

Cyril: That's my boy!

Bert: Mr. Sneer?

Bert Raccoon, for the
Evergreen Standard here.

Having obviously spared no
expense on this production, sir,

do you expect to see a profit?

Cyril: A profit?
I always make a profit!

Ha, I am going to make
a profit, aren't I, Knox?

I mean, on this
big deal of ours?

Knox: Why, the highest
profit of all, Mr. Sneer,

the profit of having
done a good deed.

Cyril: A good deed?

Knox: Exactly, Sir.

The biggest charity event

ever to hit the
Evergreen forest!

Cyril: Ch..charity event?!

Knox: I thought you knew, Sir.

You're sponsoring a
luxury retirement home

for Lady Baden-Baden's
old friends in the arts.

Cyril: You mean,
instead of making money,

I'm going to be...
giving it away?

Knox: Oh, and a great deal
of it too, Sir!

There's no business

like show business!

Oh, yeah!

♪

♪ [show

♪ [show theme

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪ When darkness falls

♪♪

♪ Leaving shadows in the night

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ Wipe that fear from
your eyes ♪

♪♪

♪ The desperate love

♪♪

♪ Keeps on driving you wrong

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪♪

♪ You're not alone

♪♪

♪ You can run with us

♪♪

♪ We've got everything
you need ♪

♪ Run with us

♪♪

♪ We are free

♪♪

♪ Come with us

♪♪

♪ I see passion in your eyes

♪ Run with us

♪♪