01x19 - Back to the Old Drawing Board

[bunniefuu]

- That's him.
That's dr. Shotwire.
- I know.

i studied nuclear
physics under him.

And that's
the scale model
of his moon craft.

you know how many countries
are trying to develop
just such a vehicle?

I can imagine.
Whoever perfects it first

Will be able to explore
the surface of the moon.

[ turns projector off ]

Dr. Ratton, we want
dr. Shotwire.

"We"?
Who's we?

- Kaos.
- Of course.

And you'd be able to sell
the plans for the moon craft
to the highest bidder.

Exactly.
That is why
we've come to you--

Probably the most
accomplished evil
genius in america.

In the world.

Tell me, why haven't
you been able to just
kidnap shotwire?

- This is why.
- [ turns projector on ]

- who is that man?
- maxwell smart.

an agent from
the control organization.

He has been
guarding dr. Shotwire
day and night.

You mean to say
you can't get by
that one man?

somehow he has managed
to foil us every time.

I'd like to have smart
to myself for one hour.

I'd like to have him in
my hands almost as much
as I want dr. Shotwire.

[ turns projector off ]

You shall have them
both within 24 hours.

How?

- You heard what
mr. Natz has been saying?
- Yes, sir.

Can you deliver shotwire
and smart here, alive?

- Yes, sir.
- Wait a minute.

You mean to tell me
that this guy can succeed

Where a dozen
well-trained kaos
men have failed?

Watch.

[ Grunts ]

What's that?

It's a vicious


[ Snaps fingers ]

He'll tear him
to shreds!

Indeed he will,
mr. Natz.

[ Groans ]

You carry a w*apon,
mr. Natz?

Only this.

[ Clicks ]

Instant analysis,
please.

I was struck by three
.45-caliber b*ll*ts,

Lead or composite,
weighing approximately


traveling at almost
muzzle velocity of
800 feet per second.

Impact-- 456 foot-pounds
per square inch.

Who is he?

Not he, mr. Natz.
It.

- A robot?
- Exactly.

My invention.

Strongest,
most intelligent

Machine in the world.

- How much?
- $1 Million.

When he delivers
both men.

[ Snaps fingers ]

get shotwire
and get smart.

[ theme music playing ]

Max, you're just going
to have to be

More careful
with dr. Shotwire.

Try and keep out of his way
while you're guarding him.

He says you've
set back his work
six months.

Six months?
That's ridiculous!

Three months,
four months, tops.

Who's with
dr. Shotwire now?

Agent 27.
I relieve him in an hour.

- well, the plans
have been changed.
- They have?

Yes, here's what'll
happen now:

They're giving a party for
dr. Shotwire and I want
you and 99 to attend.

Well, will there
be a contact man
at the party, chief?

Yes, agent 44 has been
planted at the party

According to plan g.f.c.

Oh, and take agent 91
with you.

Agent 91?

I don't believe I know him.
Is that a new number, chief?

He's a new recruit.
This is his first assignment

So I want you to keep
an eye on him.

He'll meet you at the garage
office at 8:00 tonight.

He'll use this password--

"The blue sun melts
the red snow."

Your countersign will be,

"and the purple water
runs uphill."

Gotcha, chief.

max, I want you to use
your watch phone tonight.

I don't want you
taking off your
shoe at the party.

- Right, chief.
Anything else?
- Yes.

Here's some information
on the people who'll
be at the party.

Memorize it
and destroy it
before you leave.

Anything wrong?

Well, chief, I think
I'll need a little time
to have this decoded.

He's now memorized
all the pertinent
information

About shotwire's
scientific career.

He has an i.q.
Of over 200.

Perfect.
A genius k*ller.
What do you call him?

Hymie.

Hymie?

I made him.
I call him what I want.

- Hymie?
- My father's name
was hymie.

Okay, call him
what you want.

Wherever hymie may go
we can observe

On a special tv camera
he's equipped with.

Aside from his
vast knowledge,
he has the dexterity

To take apart and reassemble
the entire wiring system

Of any m*ssile
in the world.

There's only one thing
he isn't able to do.

- What's that?
- Set up a lawn chair.

All I want him
to do is to bring me
shotwire and smart.

But...
I don't want shotwire
hurt in any way.

And I'll take care
of smart myself.

- Do you understand, hymie?
- I understand.

Okay.
Take off.

No, hymie.

I don't mean
that kind of
take off.

You have to be
very careful what
you say to him.

He sometimes responds to
the exact meaning of words.

Leave, hymie.

We can follow
his progress

On the viewing screen.

He should be
at the control garage
at 10 minutes to 8:00.

The blue sun melts
the red snow.

The blue sun melts
the red snow.

You'd better come
up with the right
countersign, mac,

Or you're
in trouble.

[ b*ll*ts ricocheting ]

Detain him, hymie.

Operator, quick!
Get me special weapons!

[ Grunts ]

The blue sun melts
the red snow.

And the purple water
runs uphill.

- Agent smart?
- Yes. You must be 91.

My name is hymie.

- Hymie?
- My father's name
was hymie.

Oh. Uh,
that's very nice.

- Hymie, this is 99.
- How do you do?

- Hello, hymie.
- Now, this is our plan.

We're to guard dr. Shotwire
against any and all dangers

Without him realizing
that we're doing it.

- Right.
- Hymie, I know that is
is your first assignment.

You're probably
a little nervous.
Don't be.

Remember, experience
isn't everything. You've
also got to have heart.

[ Clangs ]

Come on, let's go.

- Seems to be stuck.
- Yes. Hymie, give
me a hand.

Never mind, hymie.
Come on.

[ soft music playing ]

[ People chatting ]

With all those guards
we saw posted
on the way up,

There isn't a chance
in the world that a kaos
man can get in here.

That's dr. Shotwire
over there.

I want you to keep
him under surveillance,
but don't go near him.

I think it's about time
to give our side
a little edge.

- 99?
- Yes?

I want you to make a check
on all the women here

- And see if any of them
look or even act suspicious.
- Right, max.

Hymie, disarm smart,

But don't
let him know it.

Destroy the g*n.

Now, you just stay
here and keep your wits
about you.

And don't worry
about a thing.

Don't be nervous.
I have complete
confidence in you.

i feel that
i can put my life
in your hands.

[ Cracking ]

Is the wind
fair to java?

All clear.
No storm on
the horizon.

- I beg your pardon?
- I said, there's no
storm on the horizon.

No, there isn't.
As a matter of fact,

I didn't notice
a cloud in the sky
on the way over.

You know, if this
nice weather keeps up.

I may just take a run
down to the beach tomorrow.

- What are you
talking about?
- The beach.

You were telling me about
the weather and I said I might
take a run down to the beach.

I was giving you
the countersign.

No, I was giving you
the countersign.

Then I gave you
the counter-countersign.

But that's the wrong
counter-countersign
for my countersign.

Is not.
Here, I'll show you.

[ Humming ]

Here you are.
Middle of page 18.

That's the old book.

Oh, i-i'm sorry, 86.
I should have known
you were right.

It's just...
[ Sobs ]

Just that
I've been cooped up
in so many clocks

And lockers
and glove compartments
for so long.

Nobody tells me
anything!

It isn't fair.
I'm a good agent.

I haven't been able
to wear my tuxedo once.
Not once!

And who'd see it
in a clock?

Don't get so
emotional, 44.

Here, you can
have my book.

- I-i couldn't do that.
- Go ahead, take it.

I've already
memorized it.


Forget this.

It's all right,
it's all right. You'd do
the same thing for me.

Now, buck up.

I've got to get
back to the party.

Everything is okay so far.
Have you seen anything
suspicious?

- No, sir.
- You can call
me max, hymie.

[ phone buzzing ]

This is 86.
Come in, control.

Max, we have reason
to believe that there is
a kaos agent at the party

And that you
and dr. Shotwire
are in great danger.

- Do you have any idea
who it is, chief?
- Yes, we have the real--

- [ Line clicks ]
- hello, max? Max?

Hymie, you broke
my watch phone.

I'm sorry.
I just wanted to see
what time it was.

Something
must have happened.

I'd better try
and contact agent 44.

He was just about to tell
me who the kaos agent was

When you grabbed my phone.

I'll tell 99 about it.
Agent 44 is in the clock
in the next room.

Ask him if
he knows anything.

Well, hop to it,
hymie.

Agent 44,
do you know anything?

[ Groans ]

[ groans ]

- Did 44 say anything?
- No.

Whoever the kaos agent is,

He's probably
trying to figure out who
the control agents are,

So we've got to
remain inconspicuous.

Let's not give
ourselves away.

Just watch me
and do exactly
as I do.

[ Glass clatters ]

I think we've been
noticed, hymie.

Let's just try
and act nonchalant.

Let's go get a drink.

Waiter.

Thank you.

Okay, hymie,
drink up.

- What'll happen
if he drinks?
- I don't know.

He isn't
programmed for it.
Hymie, don't drink.

- Go ahead, hymie, drink.
- Don't drink.

- Go on, hymie,
drink it up.
- Don't drink!

- Drink!
- Don't!

Drink!

- What happened?
- He short-circuited.

Drink.

[ Transistors whistling ]

I've lost control
of him.

Well, what's he
likely to do?

I don't know.

He might just
stand there,

Or he might decide
to k*ll everybody
in that room.

What's hymie up to?
Is he out of his mind?

I told him to stay
close to shotwire,
but not that close.


Out of there. He's liable
to reveal his identity.

- Right.
- After all, he doesn't
have our experience.

I'll distract dr. Shotwire
while you get hymie away.

Right.

- Hello, dr. Shotwire.
- Oh. Oh!

Don't I know you
from somewhere?

No, I don't think so,
but I know you.
You're very famous.

Oh, now...
[ Chuckling ]

I'd like to speak to
you a minute, hymie.

Come on, hymie,
shake a leg.

Now, look, hymie,
I think you've got the makings
of a first-rate agent,

But only if you
obey orders.

Now, you were told
to stay away from
shotwire, weren't you?

[ Hiccups ]

Hymie, you're drunk.

Listen, hymie,
you're a nice guy,

But you've got to learn
to hold your liquor.

So no more drinking.
Agreed?

[ Kisses ]

Just say yes
or no, hymie.

Yes or no, hymie.

That's better.
Now,

I'll leave and you
follow right behind me.

And don't forget to
k*ll the light.

[ glass shatters ]

- Have you noticed
anything suspicious?
- No, max.

I think we ought to
change our strategy.

I think we ought to get
dr. Shotwire out of here
before kaos makes its move.

Exactly what I was thinking,
but let me handle this.

I've got to get shotwire
out of here without
getting him too upset

And without anybody else
noticing it.

It has to be handled
with tremendous subtlety.

Excuse me, dr. Shotwire,
but I wonder if you'd mind

Stepping outside
with me for a minute.

Yes, I would mind!
You know how I feel
about you secret agents!

I've got to get you
out of here, doctor.

- Somebody
is trying to k*ll you.
- Oh, nonsense.

I am back again,
alonzo.

Please, doctor.
It's for your own good.

Leave me alone.

You talk to him, hymie.
I think he's taken
a liking to you.

See if you can get him
out of here without
anybody noticing it.

I'll go check
the front door.


Kaos agent is

- He's gonna try and stop us,
so be ready for anything.
- Right.

Let me get my coat
and I'll be right
with you, hymie.

Great work, hymie,
but how did you get
him to leave?

I appealed to his
scientific curiosity.
I told him I was a robot.

And how in the world
did you ever get him to
believe that story?

I showed him my works.

Hymie!
That's incredible!

You're really prepared
for everything.

That's fantastic, hymie.
You should get
a medal for this.

You knock me out.

Max! Max, are you
all right?



We're in some kaos hideout.
Hymie knocked you out
and brought us here.

Hymie?
But hymie is
one of our men.

No, max, I'm afraid
hymie's one of them.

- Well, why didn't
you stop him?
- I tried to, max,

But he picked us up
and carried us like
we were dolls.

That's impossible.

I think you'll find
nothing is impossible
to hymie, mr. Smart.

He's--
he's superhuman.

- Max, hymie's a robot.
- Well, of course he's a robot.

That's what he told--
a real robot?

That's right.

And he's
a kaos robot.

Natz!

So you're
behind all this.

I've been waiting for this
for a long time, smart.

I never got
a chance to show you
how grateful I am

For those 10 long years
I spent in prison.

You call this
gratitude?

I spent most of that time
dreaming of the day

When you and I
would meet again,

And I would eliminate you
once and for all.

Well, I've always admired
a man with ambition.

This, by the way,
is dr. Ratton,

Hymie's creator.

- Ratton, the famous inventor?
- How do you do?

But you were once
a highly-respected scientist
working on the side of good.

- What happened?
- It just didn't pay
well enough.

Now, mr. Smart,

I'm going to order
hymie to destroy you.

Hurry it up,
ratton.

Dr. Shotwire and I
have a plane to catch
for europe.

[ Snaps fingers ]
hymie, destroy smart.

I said,
destroy him.

It's all right, hymie.
I understand.

You're not responsible
for what you're doing.
It's not your fault.

I know that under that
metal body of yours

There beats
the mechanical heart
of a really nice guy.

Hymie,
you're crying.

Take it easy, hymie.

You'll rust your eyeball.

I gave you an order,
you monster!

i order you
to destroy him!

I didn't think
it would work.

Thank you, hymie.
I'll get dr. Shotwire.

Hymie, shake.

No, hymie.
Shake hands.

I knew you'd
come through, hymie.

You're the first one
who ever treated me like
I was a real person.

I just couldn't
destroy you.

Of course you couldn't.
And I knew you couldn't.

After all, hymie,
I'm no dummy.

Uh, well, what
I mean, hymie,

Is that I'm a good
judge of monsters.

Incredible.
So real, so lifelike.

- Thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome.

He saved
our lives, chief.
And without him

Dr. Shotwire would've
been taken by kaos.

We owe you a great debt.
Is there anything we can
do for you in return?

Would you like to
join control?

- No, thank you.
- No?

I just don't
like v*olence.

- What would you like to do?
- I'd like to work for i.b.m.

Oh, because of your
scientific curiosity?

No, it's a nice
way to meet some
intelligent machines.

Good thinking.
What's your name?

- Hymie.
- Hymie?

His father's name
was hymie.

[ theme music playing ]