03x10 - Volunteering/The Library

[bunniefuu]

In a middle school full of bullies, insane teachers,

And gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me-- and my best friends

Try to do the impossible,

Create a guide that will help you survive school.

♪ Coming up, looking out ♪

♪ I'll survive it no doubt ♪

♪ Never fear, bring it on ♪

♪ Break it down, what's in my way? ♪

♪ And i...

♪ I'm finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And i...

"Ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.

Class, your next assignment is a report on abraham lincoln.

So make sure you get to the library...

Before the best books are all gone.

If you have to hit the library

For a book report or other school project,

Get there early, before all the best books are taken.

And if you can't find the book you need,

Find the last person who checked it out.

There's a good chance they're done with it.

I'm looking for a book called

"Everything you need to know

About abe lincoln for a school report."

Can you tell me who has it out?

Mary bell lewis.

But you better run.

Other kids are looking for that book.

Move!

[Sirens]

You hambags have overdue books!

What? We returned them last week!

Not "accordion" to my records!

♪ Until you bring those books back ♪

♪ With a six-dollar late fee ♪

♪ You can't take any books out ♪

♪ Of my library



[Typing]

Cook, you owe "advanced computing of soft matter,"

And bigby, you owe me "the total wimps guide to kung fu,

Volumes one, two, and three!"

The books kids take out

Really says something about them.

Like you two are a couple of geek-tarts!

Mrs. Holler, we put the books

In the drop box last week.

We did. Honest.

That's what they all say!

Now... Find those books!

Excuse me. Are you mary bell lewis?

I'm not done with it.

Everyone wants this stupid book.

It says that lincoln had no friends and was depressed.

Well, join the club, mister.

That may just be the perfect book

For my social studies report.

Wow. It must be really important to you.

It is.

Then... You can't have it.

Did you guys lose library books?

Yeah, and every day, it costs us money.

And we can't start our abe lincoln reports.

I lost books last week,

But for only $., Loomer found them.

And now I can take books out again.

He found their books, too.

You should call him.

[Laughter]

Let me guess.

You dorks need help finding your overdue library books.

We put them in the drop box last week.

But they mysteriously disappeared.

I suppose you don't know where they are, but I bet you do!

No, but for a small fee,

I'm sure we can find

Your wimpy kung fu books.

Aha! We never said which books were missing.

You admit you're guilty.

And let us assure you, we will not pay a dime

To get our books back.

Then I guess you will also never take

Another book out of the library.

Later, ladies.

Mary bell, hey.

I brought you a juice and a snack

And give me the book. I need it.

I'm not just going to give this to anyone.

You know, I'll probably give it to a friend.

I'll be your friend! We could be friends!

We could be great friends, friend,

And friends give other friends books.

They do other things, too.

Like what?

Like give piggyback rides

And go shopping

And fix each other's hair and more piggyback rides

And buy each other more food...

[Voice fast-forwards]

Why are we going into the library

When you said you'd help us bust loomer?

Because, my friends, the answer

To everything is in your library.

"Real f.b.i. Training:

How to catch the bad guy."

Cool. Where do we start?

Ooh, chapter -- t*rture!

Fine. Chapter one-- surveillance.

Right. We'll track loomer's movements

And let him lead us

Right to the missing library books.

And we'll need some very clever disguises.

Oh, yeah.

♪ Walking down the halls with disguises on ♪

♪ I got more disguises than you got on ♪

♪ You don't know what I look like ♪

Hey, guys.

[Screech]

This is my friend mary bell.

Weirdoes. Let's go. Giddy-up.

Let the spying begin.

[Snoring]

[Bell ringing]

[Snoring]

Wake up, sleeping beauties!

We did everything we could to get the books back,

But loomer snagged them, and we can't get them back

Unless we pay for them or find them!

But we can't find them!

That's what they all say.

No, really. That's what they all say.

[All talking at once]

There's no proof that he took the books.

We'll have to prove it.

Chapter -- t*rture!

Or...

Chapter -- "setting the trap."

Isn't this fun?

It's fun.

You done with that book yet?

No.

We add the g.p.s. Chip in the book,

Drop it in the return bin...

Ned: and track it right to loomer's

Secret stolen book stash.

Check the other side!

It's empty.

Oh!

Somebody jammed it... With cardboard!

[Beeping]

And the book is on the move! Go!

[Beeping]

Cookie: the books are in the cabinet.

Looks like we outsmarted him.

[Gasp]

No, he outsmarted us.

Hey, guys. That's weird.

Now, I think we have a lead

On where to find all your books,

But my fee is going up to bucks a book.

Give me those books back, billy,

Or you'll be very sorry.

I'm already sorry,

Because I don't know where the books are.

[Laughter]

We'll never find those books.

I'm a librarian!

I find books, and we will tear this school apart

Until we find them!

But when we do, you guys still owe me bucks.

Now let's go!

I am not wearing that.

Then I guess I'll give the book

To another friend who wants it.

Go ahead, and frankly, I'd rather flunk.

And I don't think you know what a friend is.

Friends don't make you buy them snacks,

Piggyback them upstairs, and destroy their hair.

Friends share, and they treat each other nicely.

And I don't want to be your friend.

Fine.

Here.

I was just trying to have some fun.

Nobody talks to me in this school,

But when kids saw me with jennifer mosley,

They started to.

Anyway, see you around.

This is the last place we haven't checked

In the whole school! The books have to be in here!

Time to bust loomer's book scam.

[Rattling]

Almost...got it.

Oh!

Or bust bigby's head. Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, and by the way... You can't catch me.

[Laughter]

He b*at us. I don't get it.

When did he get so smart?

Of course he's smart! He's been in the library

Every day for the past weeks

Reading like a crazy person!

Wait a minute.

Because the answer to everything

Is in your library.

You know, the books kids take out

Really says something about them.

Everything I ever learned

I read from books in the library.

What are you doing here?

Uh...i don't know. I think because you

Got hit on the head or something.

Go, ned. Go to the library.

And solve this big bookie mystery!

To the library!

Look up the last library books loomer checked out.

"Extortion for morons...

Icelandic culture and thallosacracy..."

And "the great middle school book scam."

That's the one! Where is it?

Over there.

The story of a bully

Who scams his school out of books and money.

Check the last chapter!

He hid the books where no one would think to check.

Where? Where? Where?

The mystery section in the library.

There's my overdue library book!

And mine!

And mine and yours.

[Loomer laughing]

This ain't good.

Busted!

[Laughing loudly]

Ned, voice-over: so, with our books

In the library the whole time,

Mrs. Holler waived our late fees

And let us take out books for our report.

Moze discovered that the library

Is more than a place to check out books.

It's a place to discover new things...

And even make new friends.

And as for loomer's book-stealing game,

Let's just say gordy got to use that t*rture chapter after all.

Ooh. Oh, quick, put them on.

[Accordion playing]

♪ You tried to steal our books ♪

♪ But we nailed you nasty crooks ♪

♪ Now suffer! Suffer! I said to suffer! ♪

All right, young people, remember tomorrow

Is the last day to complete your polk volunteer hours.

You must complete hours of volunteering,

Either here at school or in your neighborhood.

Here you go, principal wright.

I worked at a soup kitchen.

Mm-hmm.

Now, young people,

Your forms must be completed and signed

By a parent, teacher, or supervisor.

So, how many more hours do we have to go?

Just one.

Well, then we better get to gordy

And finish those hours.

Ok, moze, hit me home,

And your hours of broomball volunteering will be complete!

And...game over.

Aah!

So, this is how you've been "volunteering" your hours?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

But gordy has gotten a lot better at broomball.

Well, I am disappointed, and I expect real hours

Of volunteering to be completed by tomorrow!

Volunteering is not a chore.

It's rewarding and enlightening,

And it can make a difference in the world.

Take this ugly back entrance, for instance.

Now, with a little love and care and volunteering,

It could be beautiful.

Now, who wants to step up and make a difference?

Great, jennifer.

Start sweeping.

And I'll make a few calls

And see if I can get some paint donated.

And you two...

Who wants to work in the school store,

And who wants to be a cafeteria taste tester?

Fine.

Store.

Taste.

[Cash register dings]

I'm here to volunteer at the store.

Great! Let's get to work!

Aah!

Mr. Wright, this job is too big

For one person.

Isn't there anybody else who needs their hours?

Yes, and I think they'll be a great help.

Mr. Wright... Volunteering is gross.

Well, perhaps you need to see

The human side of volunteering

And how it improves the quality of life for everyone.

I have just the job for you.

Prepare to be swept away

By the joys of volunteering.

Ned: will you please stop

Hitting me in the head with a broom?!

Aah!

Ok.

I'm not a thief!

I'm volunteering hours at the nursing home!

I'm here to keep you company. What do you like to do?

Aah! Aah!

Ok, the first thing I thought we'd do is repaint the walls.

Ha ha ha ha!

With brushes.

Now I'm going to go to the gardening club

To get plants.

I'll help you finish when I get back.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Come on. Stick a crowbar in your wallet and buy something!

Maybe you'd sell more stuff if you were a little nicer.

You know what they say-- the customer's always right.

The customers are idiots!

I'll have you know that I'm

The school store's number-one seller!

That's because nobody else ever worked here.

And you think you'd do better?

I'd like to see you try.

I'd like to see me try, too.

New school store!

Get your books here, not there.

You, over here!

Don't listen to her! Stay here!

Buy from me, not that dork!

All right, I am ready to...help!

You were supposed to paint the wall, not each other.

[Clanging]

[Sighs]

You want to meet a friend of mine?

[Pfffft!]

Hey, how about we go outside

For a walk and get some fresh air?

Now!

Where do you think you're going?

Outside?

No, you're not. June knows the rules.

Residents aren't allowed outside the home without a relative.

Don't turn your back on her, kid.

She took my knee out with that broom of hers.

Ow! Get away from me, you crazy lady! Oh!

When's the last time you left this place

Or had a decent meal?

Oh, I don't know. Months.

We're going outside today.

What can I do outside that I can't do in here?

How about get some fresh air,

Eat food that's not gross,

And have fun?

Put me back! I don't want to leave!

You're going outside to have some fun!

Wait a--

Ha!

Hey! Get back here, graynapper!

Girl's voice: cookie's book store--

It's better than evelyn's.

What's the matter? Afraid of a little competition?

Hey, everyone, my store's having a sale!

% Off!

No! No! No! No! Come back!

Oh!

So long, chump-mart!

This place is more depressing

Than the nursing home.

We're just getting started.

I promised you a great day out,

And you're going to get it.

I'm talking front-row seats at the best sport in town,

A great meal, and the joyride of your life.

Now, what do you say to that?

Ah, what the heck?

[Spectators cheering]

Whoo! Whoo!

Wah-ha-ha!

[Crash]

You guys finished without me?

Wait till you see it.

We worked real hard on it all morning.

Check out the new and improved polk back entrance.

You guys are the worst volunteers

In the history of volunteering!

I thought we could change something

And make a difference and be proud of that.

But you're incapable, and you're losers!

She's right.

Did he just say something? He never says something.

Volunteers are heroes.

They sacrifice their time

For the betterment of others

And ask for nothing in return.

It's because of them the world shines bright,

Even on its darkest days.

So that's what he sounds like.

Dude, you haven't said anything since we've known you.

Everything's been fine up to this point.

Ok. What do you say we work as a team

And make this back entrance

Something the school and we all can be proud of?

Who's with me?

[Cash register dinging]

Sale!

Biggest sale!

No!

Ooh!

It's free!

Mine's free, too!

You two sold everything. Very impressive.

But who authorized you two to have a sale?

It was my idea.

And I sold everything!

I sold everything, too! And better!

But the t-shirts cost the school $. Apiece.

According to my calculations,

You have cost the school $!

Great. So you'll sign that we did hours?

I want the two of you working together

In one school store. No more store discounts.

Volunteering is good for the school,

And it's good for the heart.

Now get to work.

[Bell ringing]

Sorry about today.

I guess I'll take you back to the nursing home.

[Siren]that's him!

Ned, I can't believe

You stole this woman from the nursing home!

You're in a lot of trouble, young man!

Are you all right, ma'am?

Am I all right? Because of this boy,

I got hit by dodge balls,

Drank rotten milk,

And plowed into a bunch of kids

And crashed my keister!

It was the best day I had in years!

[Laughing]

I hope you're writing him up for this.

No. I'm signing ned's volunteer form.

I think he's learned

The real meaning of volunteering.

The joy that your time can bring

To someone who needs it

Is better than any paycheck.

But I only did hours.

Well, I suppose june could stay another hour.

So...what do you want to do?

Ned, voiceover: volunteering--

It's more than a job you don't get paid for.

It's a feeling of accomplishment you get

When you make the world a better place.

So get your friends to pitch in.

It'll make the experience more fun.

Just a few hours of volunteer work

Can make a big difference,

Whether it's brightening up your school

Or brightening up someone's day.

Quit your yammering and give me a good shove!

Yoo-hoo!

[Spectators cheering]

[Crash]

Strike.

And we can't get them back unless we pay for the...ah.

[Laughter]

That's weird.

Blub blub blub blub.

Aha! We never said that--[stammering]

Come on! Stick a crowbar in your--and--ha ha ha!

Come on! Stick a crowbar in your bio--

Bio? What the heck is a bio?