01x19 - Inglorious Toddlers

[bunniefuu]

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Owen: Go Noah! Go Noah! Go No--

How's my cheering?

- Oh good. Maybe % more energy?

- You got it!

- Go Noah! Go Noah! Go Noah! (Hard thumps)

(Floor cracks)

(Video game sounds)

Owen: This is so exciting!

Just a couple more seconds you're gonna make it

to the final level.

- Owen, Noah: snack time.

- No time!

Noah just reached the final level on Frozen Dragon.

- Well, that's nice but- WHAAAAT?!

Kids! Noah's about to beat the frozen dragon game!!

- Sweet! - Whoa!

- Shut the front door!

(Door slams)

- Yeah, yeah. I... I would love a snack though.

- You name it, I'll feed you!

- S'mores? - On it!

- Ooh-hoo-hoo. Here we go!

(Video game sounds)

- Open. Cookie! Marshmallow!

Chocolate! Cookie!

- Ahh.

(Chewing sounds)

- You two make such an amazing team.

- Oh yeah,

Noah and I are gonna be besties forever.

- Oh, you got that right, pal!

Bridgette: Look at him go!

- (Chanting) Go Noah! Go Noah!

- He's gonna do it! He's gonna beat the game!

All: Go Noah!

Video game: Winner!

(Cheering)

- I couldn't have done it without my best buddy, Owen.

- I'm gonna love you forever!

(Struggling, bones crack) Owen! Owen!

(Rumbling)

- (Gasps) What's that noise?

- It sounds like...

a t*nk?

(Loud crash)

(Alarm sounds)

Did you just run over my car?

- I'll ask the questions, thank you.

I'm Col. McColonelson.

Which one of you is the Frozen Dragon player known as...

(reads) Butt-Thunder?

- (Nonchalant whistling)

I wanted an online tag

that would strike fear into the hearts of my enemies.

- I told him to go with a bum joke.

- So I went with the bum joke.

- How would you like to leave this childish place behind

and join MILI-TOTS.

It's the finest military facility in the world.

- Why would I want to do that?

- You'd be a general before high school graduation!

- Meh.

- And you'd get your own fighter jet.

- Prepare for landing.

- Aye, aye, Captain.

(Jet whooshes, tires screech)

Worker: Megan-Fun meals.

Both: Woo-hoooo! (Jet whooshes)

- (Slurping)

Owen: This is awesome?!

- Cool. I'm in!

- Not yet you aren't.

First you gotta pass the Mili-tots testing.

- Let's do it.

- Are you going to be okay, Owen?

You know, losing your best friend.

- I'm not losing Noah.

We'll be besties forever.

- That's what he'll say at first,

but then it'll turn into

"I'll catch up with you later"

and POOF, you'll slowly get left behind.

- You ready to get moving, Butt Thunder?

- Sir, yes sir! Owen: Sir, yes sir!

- And you are? - Owen!

Noah and I are a team. Inseparable.

- I think he just means me, pal,

but don't worry, hey, we'll always be best friends.

- Ahem.

- I'll catch up with you later.

- "And POOF, you'll slowly get left behind."

- (Crying)

Duncan! It's happening! I'm losing Noah.

What do I do?

- There's not much you can do,

unless you want to sabotage his testing.

- You mean make him fail on purpose?

- Yeah. Then he won't get in, he'll stay here,

and you'll stay bffs.

- Yes! Okay! Can you help me?

- Urgh, fine, but only because I enjoy

ruining things for other people.

C'mon.

(t*nk squeaks)

- GAH! My motorcycle!

(t*nk rumbles)

♪♪♪

- Wow. Coooool.

- Hey you! What are you doing here?

Sorry, General, I didn't recognize you.

- Let's not make that mistake again, solider. Dismissed.

- Test one: survive the human centrifuge.

Jet fighters need to have stomachs of steel!

- (Vomits) I want my mommy...

- You barf before the timer, you fail!

- Not a problem.

(Door shuts, beeps, whirring)

Ah, I've gone faster.

- Noah's gonna pass this for sure.

He never barfs on rides at the amusement park.

That's my job.

- You're his bestie. What does make him barf?

Long car trips?

Watching his parents kiss?

Math? - Nope.

(Gasps) Oh. I got it!

- (Sniff) Ugh!

Ugh! Ew! What is that stench?!

- Gah. What is in that sandwich?

- It's just a classic tuna bologna blue cheese,

but anytime I got one in my lunch Noah pukes.

- Let me out of here!

(Vomits)

- Well done, Butt Thunder,

you stayed in there just long enough to pass.

- Move it, maggots! Double time!

(Sighs) I love the smell of army boots in the morning.

Col. McColonelson: The most gruelling obstacle course

on this side of the equator.

Successful completion rate: %.

(Fames whoosh)

- Wow, he's really moving.

- Come on, we gotta slow him down!

- (Effort grunts) C'mon, Noah.

You got this.

- Once you hit the top, swing to the other side,

climb down, pick up the rucksack

and cross the finish line.

- I hope this works.

- Are you kidding? It's in the bag.

Ha! Get it? Bag?

Cause we're in a bag.

- Shh. Here he comes.

- (Effort grunts)

(Exhausted exhale)

- You passed but it was another close one, Butt Thunder.

You'd better ace the last test

or you're not gonna make it in.

C'mon.

- If he passes the next test

you're gonna lose your best friend.

Let's go!

- (Chuckles) Ooh!

What does this button do? (b*mb fires)

- There. Good as new.

What in the name of glazed donut is--

AGH! (expl*si*n)

NOOOOOOO!

- Welcome to the army's top of the line flight simulator.

Your mission is to take out five enemy bogies

before they take you out.

Good luck, soldier.

This is so cool!

(Laughs) Woohoo!

(Whirring)

(Beep, expl*si*n)

(Whirring) Yes! Ha! That's number two.

Boom. down, to go!

(Jets whoosh)

- I see him! - Got it.

- (Gasps) (Alarm sounds)

- Missiles ready, fire!

- Rats! You almost got him.

- Whoa! That was close.

- Ooh. This looks like fun.

"Select plane".

Okay! (Beep)

(expl*si*n) - Yes. Just one more to go.

What is that? Izzy: Weee!

(Explosions)

- I don't know who's flying that triplane,

but they are the best pilot I have ever seen!

Izzy: I've got the plane with extra wings!

- Izzy?

- Hi Noah! Isn't this awesome?

Okay, now I am bored. Byyyyee.

Weee!

Oops! (Laughs)

- Whoa! Who's sh**ting at us?

- No idea, but if Noah takes out one more plane,

you lose your bestie.

Owen: There!

(Alarm sounds) - Target lock? Uh... no.

I can't shake it!

- You got a lock on him.

What are you waiting for? Fire!

- (Grunts)

No. I won't fire on Noah.

- What are you doing?!

- What a bestie is supposed to do!

Noah. Come in, Noah.

- Owen? Is everyone here in this simulator?

- Listen up, I'm gonna get that last bogie to chase me,

and bring him around right in front of you!

Be ready to fire!

- You got it.

(Jets whoosh)

- This wasn't the plan!

- It is now!

- Ah! He's got a lock on us!

- Come on, Noah, do it!

(Beep, expl*si*n)

Game control: Winner.

- Yes! - Yay, Noah!

- Owen buddy, you saved me! But...

what are you doing here?

- I thought you might need a wingman to help you get in.

- Oh, pal, you're the best wingman I could ever hope for.

- Butt Thunder, welcome to Mili-Tots!

- I'll catch you later, buddy.

- Good luck, Noah! I'll miss you.

- Oh, cheer up, Owen,

here's some extra snack.

- I don't wanna eat.

I'm too sad about losing my best friend.

I mean, I will, but only outta habit.

Noah: You got any extra cookies for an old friend?

- (Gasps)

Noah! You're back!

- Yeah. I was missing my bestie too much so I quit.

- Wow. The Colonel must have been mad.

- Nah. He said he'd found a much better candidate anyway.

(Loud rumbles, Jet whooshes)

- They gave me my own jet plane.

Wooooooooooo-eeeeeee!

(Beep) Oops.

(m*ssile whooshes, expl*si*n)

- Oh no! Not again!

Noooooo! (Fire crackles)