01x04 - Free Chili

[bunniefuu]

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- Noah, can you read me?! Over.

- I read you, Owen. Over.

- Hi, Noah! Whatcha doing? Over.

- Standing by the cubbies. Over.

- Now what are you doing? Over.

- Uh, looking at you? Over.

Spanish announcer: La transmisión de hoy está

patrocinada por yum yum burrito.

Cuando digo burrito, dices yum yum!

- Noah! You've got burritos?

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

- Oof! Owen, I'm not selling burritos.

Your walkie picked up a Spanish radio station or something.

Spanish announcer: Ahora tengo hambre! (Chuckle)

Creo que podría parar en yum yum burritos

después del espectáculo!

- Do you deliver worldwide?

- Stop! Nobody move!

My internal toys-from-home alarm's been triggered.

- Ummm...huh...well... (Nervous chuckle)

It's... we.... wm...

- Chef, we're not allowed to bring toys from home.

Have you forgotten your own rules?

- I didn't forget.

- (Shouts) Don't worry, Chef,

memory loss is quite common for old people.

- Hmm... I'm watching you two!

(Door slams)

- Phew! That was a close one!

- Yeah, we'd better keep these walkies out of sight.

- (Grunting)

Ohhhhh righhhht.

I can't hide my walkie in my pocket

cause my mom sewed them shut

to keep me from hiding candy in there.

But there was candy in there when she did it! (Giggles)

Now when I crave candy I just do this.

(Sucking) Mmmm...

Candy pants!

- Owen. Focus.

Put your pants on. Then hide your walkie talkie.

- I know the perfect hiding place!

In my lunchbox. Huh, huh?

(Whistling)

- Whaddya mean you've never seen the show "Ninja Cat"?

It's the best show ever, Jude.

He's a cat and a ninja!

Spanish announcer: Los médicos siempre han creído

que caminar mejora la circulación.

- Whoa, dude, do you hear something?

- It came from Owen's lunchbox.

Stand back! Let a ninja handle this.

(Whimpers)

(Teeth chattering)

- Ahhhh!

Spanish announcer: Camine al trabajo, solo camine por diversión!

- What is it? - Isn't it obvious?

Owen's chili dog is most definitely

an alien from another planet.

- (Gasp of wonder) Of course!

Welcome to earth, chilied one.

- Have you gone mad?

There's only one reason aliens travel to earth:

world domination!

- (Roars)

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Sure, he might look like food,

but we're the food, Jude, we're the food!

Jude: Hold on.

Ooh, maybe it's here on a mission of peace, bro.

To cure diseases like chicken pox and bath time!

- Bath time's not a disease!

We need to destroy this alien before it destroys us!

- No! I won't let you destroy my alien friend!

♪ Apples. Plums. Bananas n' pears ♪

♪ Close your eyes n' fall down the stairs

- Beth! Can you help me protect the life

of an innocent alien chili dog.

- Jude, I have waited my entire life to hear those words!

- Really? - No.

Now show me the alien! (Giggles)

- My lunch has been stolen!

Ohhhhhh... so hungry!

Getting... weak.

The light, (panting) the light is calling me.

- We can share some of our lunches if it'll help...

- Oh! Oh thank you, Bridgette!

You're a lifesaver!

(Munching)

Oooo, whadda we got here?

Much appreciated.

- Thanks for agreeing to help, Izzy.

Saving the human race is too heavy a burden

for one little kid,

but two little kids equals one grown up!

- And people say math is useless.

- No one says that. - I've heard me say it.

Harold: All right, "dawg".

There's no reason this has to get ugly.

Just tell us what we wanna know and we can all go home.

Spanish announcer: Manana estará parcialmente nublado

con chubascos disperses...

- We're not falling for your tricks, alien!

We came prepared.

The helmets will stop the alien from reading our thoughts.

Plus they make us look like real cops!

The siren's pretty cool too. (Wails)

- Mine's broken so I make the siren sounds with my face!

Wee-ooo. Wee-ooo. Wee-ooo.

- I'll be bad cop, you be good cop.

- Yes! I love being good cop!

- Tell us your evil plan, alien!

Spanish announcer: No te olvides de traer un paraguas!

- Earth! Speak earth!

- I'm gonna buy you a summer dress

and take you out for lemonade!

- Izzy! I said good cop, not friendly old lady!

- Don't worry, he's not coming.

- Ugh! You'd better start talking

or you're gettin' some of this!

Hiyah! Yah! Kiyah!

Gahhhh!

- (Whistles)

Hm? Ohhh....

Mayday, mayday. I need help.

Owen? Someone?

I'm trapped in here!

(Both gasp)

- The alien ate Noah?

Well, your lemonade just from a large to a small!

- Noah must have thought it was just a normal chili dog

and ate it.

Then it ate him from the inside out!

Spit him out!

Spit him out right now! - Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo!

Spanish announcer: Y ahora veamos las puntuaciones

de fútbol de la noche anterior.

- Oh yeah? Well, we'll see about that, body snatcher!

- (Owen munching)

You guys gotta tell your parents that granola bars

are not a dessert. (Shudders)

I could barely finish that fourth one.

- There you are.

Thanks for not helping me in the washroom.

- You usually manage all by yourself.

Hey... where's your vest?

- Uhhh...

I don't wanna talk about it.

(Honk, engine rumbles)

- If this alien's like me,

it'll get car sick and vomit Noah out.

- Izzy, it's too late to save Noah,

but not too late to save the world.

- Wai-wai-wait. What is it? What're you looking at?

- Nothing. This is what heroes do before they save the world.

(Jude Laughs)

(As puppet) Officer, Izzy. - Hi.

Harold: Yes sir!

Jude: Captain wants you in his office, pronto!

(Crash)

I'll watch the alien dude.

- On our way.

- Thanks puppet, you came in pretty-

hand-y. (Laughs)

- Wait a second. Policemen don't say "dude".

- Freeze. Gahhhh!

- Stop! Real-pretend-police!

- (Gasp) Sarg?! Speak to me!

- Aw, he was only a week away from retirement.

- We need to get that alien back

and find out if he's already contacted his planet

to come and destroy us.

- He's not safe here.

We gotta find a way to get him back to his planet.

- There they are! Wee-ooo. Wee-ooo.

(Siren wails)

- Ahhhh! The cops!

(Siren wails)

- Get down here right now!

- Aghhhh!

(Splat)

(Train whistles)

- Stop! Hands off that chili dog.

Whoa!

(Train whistles)

- Ooooohhh...

- Carry me.

- Hand over the alien or prepare to battle!

Ohhh-ahhh!

Yee-ow. Ow, ow. Ah ah! Hi-yah...

- Nuh-uh! No way!

- (Rumbling)

I'm still kind of hungry.

I wish I had my chili dog.

- I think it's gone for good, buddy,

not much we can do about that.

- (Sniffs)

I smell... (sniffing)

my chili dog! It's this way.

- Ohhhhhkay.

- Jude, please, before it eats all of us the way it ate Noah!

- Um, who ate Noah?

Both: Ahhh!

- This is a surprising turn of events.

- Heh heh... Yeah.

And I don't get surprised very often.

I can count on one hand the number of times I've- whoa!

Look at how many fingers I have!

- (Pants) Give me that chili dog!

- Why do I get the sense you're gonna eat it?

- Because I am going to eat it!

- (Gasp) You're all monsters!

- Hand it over, Jude!

- No!

- Whoa!

(Readying inhale)

- Hey guys, what are you fighting about? Can I help?

Did I interrupt something?

I can come back later?

- Jude, now's our chance!

Sorry. We need this.

- Earth isn't safe for you, wiener dude.

Fly back to your planet!

- Nooooo! Bravo.

There goes the human race.

- Reach for the stars, space bud!

(Pop!, splat)

(Engine rumbles)

- Weird. There aren't even train tracks here.

- My walkie talkie chili dog!

- Walkie talkie? Oooh...

Is that why it was talking?

- So it wasn't an alien.

That makes so much more sense!

- Heh, (nervous) I guess evil alien hot dogs

aren't real after all. Heh.

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