02x11 - Nicknames/Shyness

[bunniefuu]

Ned: in a middle school full of bullies..

Insane teachers...

Aah!

And gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me--

And my two best friends try to do the impossible--

Create a guide that will help

You survive school.

[Bell ringing]

Man: ♪ coming up

♪ Looking out

♪ I'll survive it no doubt

♪ Never fear

♪ Bring it on

♪ Breaking down what's in my way ♪

♪ And I'm

♪ Finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And i...

Ned: "ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.



What? You told me I had to clean the gym floor today.

Not during class!

Get something to dry this up!

Take , everyone!

Moze: hey, suzie, how about homework at my house tonight?

Oh, I can't. I'm going over to billy's.

Ok. How about shopping tomorrow?

No. Uh, we're getting friendship rings.

Maybe a trip to...

Suzie and loomer are hot and heavy again,

And she's booked every night.

You're taking it well.

I mean, she's your dream girl,

And look at her.

[Sobbing]

Thanks.

Maybe it's time we realized that suzie becoming

My best friend and your girlfriend

Just isn't gonna work out.

It's got to work.

It's not like there's another girl

In the school who could be your best friend

And my future girlfriend.

[Door opens]

[Rock music playing]

The oboe twins?

They don't talk to anybody but themselves.

So they're a little bit shy.

Come on. This could work.

Hi, guys. What's going o...

On?

Ok. So they're a lot of bit shy.

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh

Forget it. It's not gonna work

Because your plans never work.

Then don't think of it as a chance

To find a new friend that's a girl.

Think of it as a chance to help two classmates survive their shyness,

But I'll still think of it as getting a new future girlfriend.

Fine. Show me how we can help them with their shyness,

And I'm in.

I can show you.

Shyness is a very serious issue,

But it can be conquered.

"How to say good-bye to shy.

"Confidence expert simon nelson cook's

Famous one-day shy-buster seminar today."

I'm attending cookie's seminar to become more assertive.

No problem.

I want to make more friends

Because I really don't have any.

And what about you, annie?

So bring the oboe twins by,

But hurry-- class is filling up fast.

We'll think about it.

Thought about it. No.

Save us seats. Let's go!

This is crazy!

Girls don't make friends like this.

It should be a natural, organic process.

Ok, I have no idea what you just said

Because I don't speak girl,

But you take tracy, and I'll take stacy.

Ok.

Hey, moze, you're going to cookie's shyness seminar, right?

Of course. He's an expert.

Are you guys going?

You know, the first step to b*ating shyness is taking a chance,

Trying something new.

Both: well, it sounds like a natural, organic experience.

That's girl for "they're in."

Oh.

Announcer: please welcome personal shyness consultant to the stars

Simon nelson cook.

Thank you, thank you.

You know, when I'm wearing one of my high-tech gadgets,

People often ask,

"Hey, cookie, are you a nut job?"

But I don't care what they say

Because I've got confidence,

And using my patented techniques,

You, too, can learn to build cookie confidence!

So let's get to work!

I don't know about this, cookie.

Trust me. I'm an expert.

Hey! You guys have hall passes?

Ok, great.

[Screaming]

Success!

Cookie's shy-buster seminar scares me, ned.

Well, another way to b*at shyness is a makeover.

Changing the way you look can change your self-image.

Ned's right. Tracy, how about a makeover?

I'll help you.

I never go anywhere

Without stacy.ever.

But today, it's time to take a chance and separate.

Right, and I'll hang with stacy.

Ohh!

Pull!

Aah!

Hey, tracy, are you ok?

I've been out here for, like, minutes.

Call me troze!

You don't like it?

I always where what my sister picks out.

I guess I'm a little dependent

Since she is my only friend.

No. Don't sweat it.

You'll just have to make some new friends.

Like lisa zemo. Hi.

You two are dressed the same.

Yeah, I know.

Lisa, could you hang with tracy in her next class?

She's a little shy.

You're leaving me?

Lisa is awesome, and I'll meet you

Right here after class.

Ok.

Success!

Now you all have cookie confidence!

Hey, moze.

Another way to conquer shyness

Is to develop better social skills.

Stacy, how about this?

Try showing people you're interested in them.

Ask questions or compliment them

And don't forget to smile and make tons of eye contact.

Look, there's seth. Go on.

Just try.

You, too, man.

[Yelling] you're hot!

Good work. Let's move on.

[Screaming]

[Cat screeches]

Can confidence hurt?

Sure, but I think shyness hurts even more.

Who's next?

[Bell ringing]

Where's tracy?

You mean trisa?

Here you go.

You can keep it.

Good luck.

Way to go.

Your cookie confidence makeovers are complete.

But I can't see without my glasses.

Tell him, annie.

Now I want you all to take your first steps

Into a bigger, more confident world

On the nitro-tramp .

Now, go!

[Crash]

[Crash]

[Crash]

I'll meet you outside.

I lost tracy oboe, and I cannot find her anywhere.

I think I saw her talking to seth.

Oh, great. I can find tracy

And talk to my future man.

Seth?

No, treth.

I couldn't find you, and I sat next

To seth last period.

Tracy, I'm sorry.

We shouldn't have torn you away from stacy.

I guess I just can't handle being my own person yet.

You will. Just give it time,

But maybe you should go hang with stacy.

And relax. Being shy does not mean you're weird.

The last step to gaining confidence

Is facing your fears,

Whether it's speaking in front of the class,

Changing in the locker room, or just saying hi.

I'm having fun today, ned.

Me, too.

So what's your biggest fear?

Missy isn't that scary.

Just go up and say, "hi," or, "how are you?"

And keep walking.

Anything badet

Happen to you.

Ok.

[Animals growling]

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, "cookie, can I really defeat shyness,

Conquer and wrestle it to the ground?"

Well, I think it's time to find out

As you wrestle shyness,

Who will be played by psycho!

No. No way.

Cookie, we've all talked it over,

And we're quitting your seminar.

Hang out after school

And chill, just us friends.

Is that true, annie?

Yes, we're done.

So what I hear you saying is,

You're speaking your mind and telling me off.

You're meeting some new friends after school,

And you--you talked.

Congratulations!

You all have cookie confidence!

[Cheering]

She's gone! Missy stole her,

Swept her away like driftwood!

Have you seen stacy? Is she in school?

Did missy eat her?

Missy: no, I didn't eat her,

But I did give her a total missy makeover.

I'm gonna ask her out!

Do I know you?

I'm stacy oboe. I used to be shy.

I'm seth powers. Want to get a beverage?

Sure.

So tracy didn't become my new friend,

And stacy took my man.

That's right, but we helped them survive their shyness,

And we helped them survive school. That's something.

And you did an amazing job with tracy.

Yeah, but you don't understand. She--

Looks amazing?

That's because she was with stacy,

And she tends to copy--

You know, why don't you hang out with her,

Get to know her, spend some time with her?

Oh, I'll spend a lot of time with her.

Hey. What's going on?

Idiot!

[Bell ringing]

Have you guys met... Tred? Ha.

We're gonna go get some ice cream.

♪ Why'd you make it so complicated? ♪

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh

I tried to tell him.

Hey. What's up, lucky? What's up?

Hey, lucky. What's up?

Ned: life is good when you have a cool nickname

Because nicknames can define who you are...

Hey, lucky.

And how people see you.

Hip nickname, hip guy...

Hey, moze, hey cookie.

Funny nickname, funny guy, and so on.

Ned.

I want a cool nickname.

Ned is just so ned.

If I were you, I would focus

On the more important issues

Like scraping that crusty gunk off your butt.

What is this? Rubber cement!

Hey, look. It's wedgepicker!

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh

Wedgepicker! Ha ha ha!

How about wedgepicker head?

[Crickets chirping]

Cookie: well, at least you got your nickname.

Wedgepicker!

But I want a cool nickname,

You know, like cookie and moze.

Moze is not a cool nickname.

What is a moze anyway?

It sounds like a gardening tool.

"Hey, could you hand me that moze?"

Hey, wedgepicker.

Well, moze is better than wedgepicker!

I got to come up with a cool nickname fast

Before wedgepicker sticks for life.

So you're gonna create your own cool nickname?

That's right!

And you're gonna help.

So when I slam into my locker,

You call me slam,

And then good-bye, wedgepicker; hello...

Slam?

It's got a cool pro wrestler ring to it.

Ok. Get ready for...

[Cat screeches]

Hey, slam, nice one.

Whoa! We should call you slam...slam.

Slam? He looks more like a spaz!

Spaz!

Or, or a spaz head! Ha ha!

[Crickets chirping]

Well, at least, they stopped calling you wedgepicker.

Mm-hmm.

Don't worry. I created

A special nickname computer generator program just for you.

All I do is feed in some basic info about you,

And it creates the perfect nickname.

How about shorty? No.

Corn starch? No!

Nedcompoop? No!

Those are terrible!

Those are awesome and very original

With just the right amount of hurtfulness.

Nice to know somebody appreciates

My nickname generator.

This thing is totally gonna get me out of my nicknaming slump.

You're a genius, cook. Pure genius.

Hey, moze.

Moze? Moze? Moze?

No more moze. I've decided to k*ll that nickname today.

My name is jennifer, and, moze, begone!

You've always been moze.

I can't cal you jennif-f-f-f-f-- jinniflugnnnee.

See? I can only call you moze.

You, gordy, cookie, and coconut head

Are the only ones who still call me moze,

But by the end of today, that will all change.

Hey, spaz. Hey, moze.

Hey, coconut head. Could you call me jennifer

Instead of moze, please?

You got it, jennifer,

And do you think you could stop calling me coconut head?

Get a decent haircut, and we'll talk.

Down, to go, spaz.

Give me a nickname for that kid.

Let's see. Nelson duckworth.

Ok. How about duck?

Ducky?

Quack!

Quack! That's good!

Hey, it's quack. Quack, quack, quack, quack.

[Quacking]

Hey, good one, man. You're back!

Ok. So you know how I'm, like, really fast?

No.

So what I'm gonna do

Is run down the hall,

And zip, zam, zoom!

Then you call me wheels.

You want wheels? Then check this out.

This baby's so fast, it's gonna cut my workload in half.

How do you divide nothing in half?

Very funny, jennifer.

You trained gordy to call you jennifer?

That's not all. Gordy, sit.

Two down, two to go.

Man on p.a.: Attention, gordy. Toxic spill in the science lab.

Need cleanup asap.

Gordy, lab's the other way.

Yeah, I know.

Ok. Now for my new nickname wheels.

[Tires screeching]

I told you. You're not that fast.

[Tires screeching]

Whoa! Slow down, wheels.

I think we should call you wheels. Ha!

Wheels? My hamster just d*ed.

His name was wheels. Ohh!

So let's not go with wheels. Yeah.

You got it, wedgepicker.

Cookie, listen.

I don't want to be called moze anymore, ok?

No problem. Just allow genius-- that's me--

To find you a new nickname.

Uh, but--

Ah. How about something cool like j-mo

Or funny like jennifart.

Pbbt! Pbbt!

Ohh! Or jennifer. Jennifer's good.

Who's moze? Don't know her.

I know jennifer.

Thanks, buddy.

But if you get tired of jennifer,

Just let me know, and I'll give you

A really cool nickname.

Like poodle?

That's one of mine. Like it?

No. My name's lila.

Now everyone keeps barking at me.

[Barking]

None of us like our new nicknames.

Quack? Dirt pile? Caveman?

How would you like it if we called you...

Cyberdork?!

Cyberdork!

[All talking at once]

"I'm cyberdork!"

Guess I wouldn't like it.

Now, say it with me.

Jennifer. Say, "jennifer."

Jenniffoze! Jenoze! Moze!

No. Great. Got it.

Now when I jump that dumpster,

You can call me psycho.

Psycho?

Yeah. Psycho's crazy.

You never know what psycho's gonna do next.

Watch out. Here comes...

[Cat screeches]

Hey, psycho!

That's my name.

No, no, no. That's ned's nickname.

Psycho no like it when people take his nickname.

Well, she didn't say, "psycho."

She said, "wedgepicker."

Wedgepicker?that's me.

Old wedgepicker.

Not psycho. Run!

Kids: wedgepicker, wedgepicker, wedgepicker.

Yeah, that was so cool!

Hey, loomer, I was thinking.

Those old nicknames weren't mean enough,

So I say we renickname them with nastier ones.

Yeah, let's do it! You're a genius!

These don't seem that nasty.

It's a whole new level of nasty.

These mess with their minds

On a freaky subconscious level

That even you don't understand.

Awesome! Awesome!

Ha ha ha!

Look! It's nelson duckworth,

Or should I say mr. Duckworth?

Ha ha ha!

Yeah, good one! Good one!

Mr. Duckworth! Ha ha!

Oh, hey, nice hair, lila. Ha ha ha!

Oh, man! "Oh, look at me. I'm lila."

Ha ha ha!

Hey, it's fussbutthead.

Fussbutthead.

Well, look. It's billy loser.

Billy loser!

Fussbutthead!

Billy loser!

Looks like my work here is done.

Fussbutthead!

Billy loser!

Everyone has agreed to call me jennifer except you.

Fine. Jennifer.

Moze is so harsh, you know?

Jennifer. I just don't like being called--

Moze! What? Whoa!

[Tires screeching]

Sorry. I guess I'm not used to you

Calling me jennifer.

That's because I've been calling you moze

Since I gave you that nickname

In the first grade, remember?

Yeah.

There were jennifers in class

But only one moze,

And there still is only one moze.

You want to know what a moze is?

It's a supercool girl who happens to be my best friend.

You are such a dork sometimes.

I know, jennifer.

Moze. Call me moze.

[Tires screeching]

Jennifer, I'm sorry I almost ran over you there.

You can call me moze, too.

Ok. Moze.

Now back to my nickname problem.

Listen, big man, you can't create your own nickname

Unless you're a pop star

With a big p.r. Firm.

Nicknames just happen.

That's it! "Big man!"

It's tough, sort of pro wrestling,

And it's kind of funny because I'm not all that big.

Am I crazy, or did he just ignore

Everything I said?

Both. Ok, big man.

Why don't you cruise around school on the scooter,

And when we call you big man,

It will stick for sure.

Ok. Big man! I'm in.

Nicknames--they can follow you for life,

And if you have a really bad nickname,

Don't let people know it bothers you,

And soon enough, it will go away.

Loser! Loser!

Fine. I won't call you loser anymore.

Thanks, fussbutthead! Ha ha!

If you have an unwanted nickname that's really bad,

Talk to a guidance counselor or vice principal.

They can help.

Fussbutthead! Fussbutthead!

No more fussbutthead,

Or you're fired-- bwer, bwer, bwer-- forever! Sproing!

Make way for the big man!

Hey, big man!

All right, big man!

Loomer: big man? We should call him the big bee!

Good one! Big bee, big bee!

Stop calling me that.

It is your name.

Big bee!

Just call me ned.

So bring the oboe--thnn.

The oboe thnn.

Very funny, jennifer.

Ha!

Gordy, sit.

Woman: cut it.

What is wrong with me?

Because I've been calling you moze

Since I gave you that nickname in the first grade.

Remember?

Yeah.

There were only--

Ok? I love you. Get over here.

I love you, too.