05x45 - m*rder Site

[bunniefuu]

[chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

- Now we turn to a very special "Baywatch."

- [gasps] Oh, no, Mitch is drowning!

But all I have on is this white T-shirt.

- We interrupt this program with a special news bulletin.

- Dammit, Beavis, that's the last time

I let you touch the remote.

Gimme that. - No way, I didn't change it.

- Domestic v*olence reared its ugly head

today in the town of...

- Ah!

- Dammit, Beavis, give me the remote.

- No way.

- Where a shocking m*rder has taken place.

- Whoa.

- We now cut live to the scene.

Mike? - Thanks, Don.

That's right, I am live.

But I'm also about the only thing live here.

A man has allegedly k*lled his brother right here

in this apartment behind me.

Apparently, the older of the two brothers

had a history of abusing his younger sibling.

And authorities are speculating

that the younger brother

finally resorted to m*rder to put an end

to his years of torment.

Police are asking this normally quiet community

for their cooperation, asking citizens

to stay away from the grisly scene

and avoid the urge to come and see things for themselves.

- Hey, Beavis, I know where that is.

- Really? We should go check it out.

[chuckling]

- Yeah.

That's a good idea.

- Thank you very much.

[both chuckling]

[Hole's "Violet"]

- Uh, v*olence? - All right, yeah, yeah.

I like when they tell you beforehand that there's gonna

be some v*olence so you can make sure you don't, like,

go to the bathroom or anything.

- Yeah.

- ♪ Sky was made of amethyst ♪

♪ ♪

- [chuckling] Check it out, hole.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

[both chuckling]

- Who are these guys, Butt-Head?

- ♪ Learn when to go ♪

- Uh, this is Hole, Beavis.

What did you think I was talking about?

- Oh, oh, I thought--

I thought you were talking about her bunghole.

[both chuckling]

- You dumbass.

[both chuckling]

- Hole.

- ♪ Mine is forever ♪

- So, like, the sign at the beginning of the video

said "v*olence."

And the band's name is Hole.

And we aren't seeing any v*olence or any hole.

- Yeah, really. That sucks.

- Yeah, they need to, like, show a big, violent butthole.

- I'll show you my butthole if you want.

[chuckling]

Ah, ah, ah!

Ow!

- ♪ Never want it again, go on ♪

- You know, I heard this Hole chick is a slut.

[chuckling] - Really?

- Yeah, I think it'd be cool, like,

if we got together, you know?

Because, like, we could, like, spaz out and stuff,

and then we could, like, do it.

- Beavis the only way you could score

with a chick is if she was, like,

the biggest slut in the world.

- Yeah. - [chuckling]

- Yeah. - [chuckling]

- Yeah.

- ♪ One above and one below ♪

- You know who Hole looks like in this video?

She looks like that Tori Spelling chick.

- Yeah, but Hole looks a lot hotter than Tori Spelling.

[both chuckling]

- What kind of a name is Hole anyways?

- Yeah, I mean, you're going

to name your daughter Hole, at least name her,

like, Bunghole or something.

- It could be like, you know, that joke

where the father names her after the first thing

he sees when she's born.

[both chuckling]

- Yeah, but then why would he, uh--

oh, yeah.

[both chuckling]

- ♪ Take everything ♪

- Dun, dun, dun-dum-dum.

Hey, Butt-Head, where are we going again?

- Beavis, do I have to smack you upside the head

and beat some sense into you?

- [chuckling]

- We're going to check out that place

where they guy k*lled his brother, dumbass.

- Oh, yeah.

- It was your idea in the first place, butt-knocker.

- Hey, don't call me butt-knocker, Butt-Head.

I'm serious.

- So, uh, I wonder why that dude k*lled his brother.

- Yeah, heh, he must have been really pissed.

- That's no excuse, Beavis.

- Oh, yeah.

Sorry.

- I bet his brother probably, like, stole his woman,

or his nachos, or something.

- Yeah, probably.

- Maybe he k*lled him with his butt.

- Yeah, or maybe he k*lled him with a turd.

[both chuckling]

- Uh, that's really stupid, Beavis.

Butt-knocker.

- Dammit, Butt-Head, stop calling me butt-knocker!

- [chuckling]

Here it is, dude.

- Oh, yeah.

Looks just like it did on TV.

- Yeah.

Uh, this is stupid.

What the hell is this doing here?

This isn't gonna keep anybody out.

- Um, it isn't? Oh, yeah.

[chuckling]

- Turn on the light, butt-knocker.

I can't see anything.

- Stop calling me butt-knocker.

- Beavis, you butt-munch, turn on the light

before I kick your ass.

- Okay, that's better.

- This is cool.

So, uh, where do you think he k*lled him?

- Hmm, let's see.

It looks like he fell.

I'd have to say he died right about here.

Yeah, yeah.

- Oh, yeah.

[both chuckling]

- Whoa, check out this thing.

I bet he hit him with this.

- Don't be stupid, Beavis.

That's for, like, changing tires and stuff.

- Oh, yeah.

Whoa! Hey, I got the remote.

Let's see what's on TV.

- Beavis, I told you I wasn't gonna let

you touch the remote anymore.

Now give me that, butt-knocker.

- No way, and stop calling me butt-knocker!

- Give it here before I kick your butt-knockering ass.

- Stop calling me that, Butt-Head!

Stop it!

- Butt-knocker.

- Shut up, Butt-Head.

Shut up!

[both grunting]

- I'm gonna k*ll you, Butt-Head!

I swear to God, I'm gonna k*ll you!

- Oh, yeah?

You and what other butt-knockers?

- Shut up, Butt-Head! - Butt-knocker.

- Shut up!

- Butt-knocker. - Stop it!

- Butt-knocker. - I'll k*ll you, Butt-Head!

I'll k*ll you!

Yeah, son of a bitch!

Ahh!

Come on, let me go!

I'm gonna k*ll Butt-Head! I'm gonna k*ll him!

- [chuckling]

- Ahh!

- [chuckling]

So cool.

[chuckling]

[John Fogerty's "Old Man Down the Road"]

♪ ♪

- Hey, check it out.

That looks like that jungle ride.

- Oh, yeah.

That's so stupid. - Oh, yeah.

- You get in there, and there's

that guy with that, like, safari hat on and stuff.

- Yeah. [chuckles]

When I used to go on that thing.

I used to just, like, jump off the boat and just,

like, wade around the water, and then,

like, go off in the bushes and just sit there by myself.

- Yeah.

- And then I'd stand up and pull down my pants

and go, "Boo, bah, boo!"

[both chuckling]

- ♪ The old man is down the road ♪

♪ ♪

♪ He got the voices ♪

- You know what another cool ride to jump off of is?

Is the haunted house.

I used to, like, go in there.

And then I'd, like, jump off the car.

And then I'd go over by the witches

and wait till the next car comes.

And I'd put a broom up my butt, and go,

"Boo, bah, boo!"

- Beavis, witches don't put brooms up their butt.

They put them between their legs.

[both chuckling]

- Really?

I wish someone had told me that

before I ruptured my sphincter.

[both chuckling]

- I have a splinter in my bunghole

the size of a pencil.

♪ ♪

- Uh, you're just joking, right, Beavis?

- Um, uh, oh...

um, no.

[chuckling] Hey, how's it going?

- You know, your friend Beavis's fingerprints

are all over everything.

And it's making things kind of hard on us.

With your help, we can book this kid, Beavis,

and keep the press off our backs.

- Yeah, really, I know where you're coming from, man.

Yeah.

It's like sometimes, Butt-Head just,

like--it's like he keeps calling me butt-knocker,

and he won't stop, and it pisses me off.

And when I tell him to stop it, he won't stop.

He just keeps calling me butt-knocker.

And then he won't give me the remote, and--and--

- Okay, follow me, girls.

- Agh!

- So you're sure that's him?

- Yes, Officer.

That's the butt-knocker, right in the middle.

[chuckling]

- You know, he threatened to k*ll you.

That's pretty serious stuff.

Would you be willing to press charges?

- Press what?

- Charges--you know, you fill out a form

that explains everything that happened.

- Uh, I don't want to fill out forms and stuff.

- Are you sure?

Because if you don't, we'll have to let him go

without any kind of punishment.

- Uh, that's okay, dude.

I'll just kick his ass later.

- All right, let him go.

- [chuckling]

[upbeat rock music]

Butt-knocker.

[The Goops' "Booze Cabana"]

- Whoa, look at that shoe.

♪ ♪

Look, high heels.

- Yeah.

That must mean there's a chick.

- Yeah, or Todd Rundgren.

- Who?

- Um, Todd Rundgren.

- Who the hell is he, Beavis?

- You don't know who Todd Rundgren is?

- ♪ When the wheels are turning ♪

- Uh, no, and you don't either.

- Um, oh, yeah.

- ♪ There's nothing shaking in this town ♪

♪ ♪

♪ At the booze cabana ♪

- Uh, he's drinking.

[both chuckling]

- I can hardly wait till I get older and, like,

get a job and stuff so I can drink.

- Yeah.

[both chuckling]

- I plan on doing some smoking too.

- ♪ I don't want to go home ♪

- Hey, that's that street where Madonna

wanted to have her baby.

- Um, so what?

- Well, then you think of something to say, bunghole.

At least I'm trying.

- Okay, I will think of something to say.

- ♪ Last time daddy beat me ♪

- Schlong, poop.

Anything's better than that.

- Whoa, check it out.

- She must have been drinking milk.

See, 'cause she's getting bigger, see?

- Yeah. [both chuckling]

- And her boobs got bigger too.

- Yeah.

Oh, hey, that just gave me an idea.

You know what'd be cool?

If they could, like, make me big,

and then they could shrink me again,

but keep my wiener the same size.

Yeah, that would rule.

Hey, 'cause then, I'd have this gigantic schlong.

- Uh-- - See what I'm saying?

- Yeah, but like, if they could really do that,

then you could just have them just make your wiener bigger.

- No, no, Butt-Head.

I'm saying they'd make me bigger, see?

'Cause then my wiener would get bigger.

But then they'd shrink me

and keep my wiener the same size, see?

- Dammit, Beavis, what are you talking about?

Who are they? And who cares, anyways?

Just shut up.

- Well, I thought it was a pretty good idea, you know.

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪