03x13 - Sporting Goods

[bunniefuu]

SPORTING GOODS

Hey Dia... Daria?
Where did you get the camera?

Yeah. You look like one
of those "pappanazis".

My parents made me join
the school paper.

The paper made me fashion
reporter because I'm a girl.

I hate fashion! There
is no fashion in this town.

I wanna be an inquiring photographer.

Yeah, yeah. Then you can take
pictures in the girls' locker room.

Yeah.

An inquire about how they'd like
to please big daddy Butt-Head.

God, you're gross.

Hey why did you do that?

You never know "National
Geographic" may call.

She thinks we're cool.

Yeah.

She's right.

Is this VH-1?

Shut up, dillhole! This
isn't VH-1, this is the Chili Peppers!

This isn't the Chilli Peppers,
this is like all wimpy and stuff.

Shut up, Beavis!
This is cool.

This is cool?

Sometimes cool bands have to do like
really wimpy songs so they can get chicks.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Sometimes chicks like it when
you get, like, all sensitive and stuff.

How come you, like, know so much about
chicks but then you never get any chicks.

Well, I wasn’t born at a barn,
but I can choke my chicken.

Oh yeah.

Some things just come natural.

It's, like, taking a dump
just comes natural.

But you have to learn
how to take a dump in a toilet.

- Yeah. I'm gonna learn how to do that.
- That would be cool.

Yes! Yes!

Flea, Flea, Flea, Flea, Flea.

Go for it, Flea!

Yeah, yeah.

This is cool!

Yeah!

- Cool.
- Good catch, Butt-Head!

Thanks.

I believe you're ready
for the Loser Olympics!

Will I get to miss any school?

- Now you, Beavis! Are you ready?
- Ready "mein kapitan"!

Yeah.

Do I take it, Beavis, that you are
participating in physical education today

without groinal protection
of any kind?

Are you not aware, Beavis, that
a regulation designed athletic supporter

is a requirement in this course

even for such an obvious
raisins sack as yourself?

Busted!

Yeah.

What about you, Butt-Head? Are you in
possession of a regulation supporter?

- Of course
- Are you prepared to present it for inspection?

I can't. Someone,
like, stole it from my locker.

Yeah.

They sold it to buy dr*gs.

I see.
Now, hear this, people,

tomorrow, when you
report back to this facility

for another tragic comic attempt
at physical education

you will be wearing
supporters

or you will be assign to my remedial
squat thrust seminar this summer!

Do I made myself clear?

- He said...
- Do I made myself clear?

Buddy's cool.

Yeah. He's cool.

He did time.

Hey guys, what
I can do you for?

We want...

Yeah.

Rollerblades?
Megacarb powdered bulk up formula?

No.

Free weights? Batting cage?
Zamboni?

No.

Crampons?

Wouldn't it be athletic
supporters, by any chance? Would it?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it.
- Okay, what size, fellas?

- No, waist size. S, M or L?
- What are those stand for?

Now let's see, you guys
look like a pair of S's...

Yeah.
That's what McVicker says.

Lets see...

Yeah, try 'em on over your pants,
or I can't sell 'em to anyone else.

- The dressing rooms are over there.
- Cool.

- Hey, watch it!
- Cut it out!

Most people prefer to use a dressing
room one at a time, but what the heck.

Out of my way, dillweed!

Hey, these are too big.

Yeah.

You must have us mixed
up with due other guys.

Yeah.

I'm no Don Johnson, you know?

Well guys, it's the
smallest size I have.

Wait a minute...

We got these eye patches
for racket ball injuries

but they've been
sitting here for years.

- Try 'em on, you can have them at no charge.
- Cool.

I can't get this over my
pants, dude, it's too tight.

Just take them off, dillweed.
He said you could keep it anyway.

Hi. Can I help you?

I have some questions
about active wear.

Cool.
Snug nads.

The family jewels
are secured.

How do we look?

Whoa! Even smaller than I thought!

That's that song from
that show about

that belly dancer that
lives in that bottle.

Yeah.

- And she lives with that cop.
- Yeah.

She calls him "master".

Yeah.

He's gonna touch her.

Yeah, yeah.

Cop a feel, go for it.

That guy is going for
the Hammer look.

Right on, dude!
Girls suck!

Yeah.

Look, somebody wrote half my
name on a big brown tooth.

- Where?
- Over there.

It says "butt".

Please excuse
Beavis and Butt-Head

from wearing althetic sip otters.

They where unable to buy them
because of a national sip otters shortage".

Now, that's funny, boys!
According to the local press here

you had no trouble at all
locating the necessary equipment!

Okay, people, squat thrust!

Down, out, in, up!