02x19 - Beady and the Beasts/A Catfish Called Eddie

[bunniefuu]

- I'm just heading to the fields, duke.

I'll be back.

[Sheep bleating]

- Clear!

[Upbeat hoedown music]

- All right!

♪

- Rat-a-bamba!

- ♪ From the haystacks up to the hilltops ♪

♪ We go on dancing

- Whoo-hoo! Whoa!

Ow, ow! Okay, ow.

Ow!

- ♪ Do si do your partner now ♪

♪

♪ Party till the morning light ♪

♪

♪ Do si do and don't you know ♪

♪ It's just the way we animals roll ♪

[Motor roaring]

- Ha ha!

[Swing music]

♪

- Ah, mes amis.

Ze fat american corn, she is sweet, no?

- And ze bloated american animals

Are nowhere to be found.

[Boisterous laughter]

- What is that thing on your face?

- I have a ting on my face?

- How do you make it move like that?

- What it is you are talking about?

- [With german accent] attention, canadian crows!

Step away from the corn.

[All gasp] - gasp!

- I am the bovinator.

I have been sent from the future to destroy you.

Prepare to be bovinated.

[Whirring]

- Fly, mes amis,fly!

[All yelling]

- Hasta la vista,losers.

- Wow, otis, your new scare-cow works great.

- That's because canadians fear science.

Now we have the rest of the day to just sit back and--

- Mail call!

- Ow.

- Hi, otis. What you get?

- Oh, is that my man girdle?

I had it sent to you so I wouldn't be embarrassed.

[Birds squawking]

- It is not a man girdle.

It's from my old friend eddie.

It says he's coming for a visit.

- Eddie? I love eddie!

Eddie's the best! Who's eddie?

- Well, before I met pip, eddie was my best friend.

We were inseparable...

Until he betrayed me.

- What happened?

- I came up with a thing called pizza gum.

It was a million-dollar idea, and eddie stole it.

- That's a bum rap.

- [Screams]

- [Yells]

- Ow! Don't hurt me!

- I never stole nothing from nobody, see?

Ah, see?

- Hey, it's a fish.

- A walking catfish, to be precise.

Their expanded lung capacity allows them to--

Ah, you don't care.

- Correct. - Sure don't.

- Eddie, you got a lot of nerve,

Showing your face around here.

- Otis, you got it all wrong, see?

I only borrowed your idea for pizza gum, yeah.

I was going to make a cool million

And share the loot with you, honest, see, yeah.

- Well, why didn't you?

- We had a tiny problem with the prototype, yeah.

- Free gum! - Mmm!

- Uh, you might not want to--

- Here; I think this is yours.

- Yeah, there's this. - Thanks.

- Oh, here's your eye.

- That's what happened when we tested the gum, see?

I was disgraced throughout the business community.

But I didn't want otis to catch the heat,

So I took the fall for him, yeah, see, yeah?

- Well, how noble. - How thoughtful.

- You're a stand-up guy.

- Eddie, i--i had no idea.

Tell you what, buddy;

You can stay here as long as you want.

- Say, that's swell.

It'll be just like old times...

Except for all that weight you put on.

[Laughter]

- I guess I have packed on a--

Race you to that tree!

[Laughter]

Oh, good times!

- I don't know if I trust this guy.

- I think he seems on the level.

- I don't wear a girdle!

I mean, hey, free gum.

- Uh, wait just a minute--

Ah, boy!

[Upbeat swing music]

♪

- [Screams]

[Laughter]

- Wow, eddie! You are tons of fun.

- You rock, buddy.

- I love you, eddie!

- [Hysterically] I love eddie more!

- Aw, you mugs are sweet.

How about you, mouse?

Why so quiet? Don't you like me?

- Not sure yet.

Just don't mess with otis. He's my best friend.

- Hmm, we'll see about that, see?

Yeah.

- Well, the fun's not over yet.

Who's up for some sports bloopers?

- I'm in. Make some room up there, big guy.

- You got it, pipster.

- Back off, see? This is my spot.

[All gasp]

- Dude, what is your problem?

- Listen, mug, I'm the only one

Who sits on otis' shoulder around here.

Get me? Now, take that.

- Eddie! - How could you?

- That's not nice. - Bad catfish.

- Eddie, what the cud? That was totally out of line.

- Aw, forget that mouse, otis.

He's a sap, a mug, a two-bit cheese nibbler.

- He is not! - How dare you, sir?

- You're wrong about pip, eddie.

He's the coolest, smartest, funniest cheese nibbler ever.

- Yeah! - That's right.

- We love him. - He's cute.

- I'm sorry, otis.

I thought the little guy

Was going to pellet on your shoulder.

I'll go apologize to him right now, yeah.

And I'll tell him exactly what you just said about him.

- See that you do.

- [Sputtering]

- Yeah, just the mug I wanted to see, see?

Yeah. - You're done, catfish.

Otis is going to toss you out of the barnyard for this.

- Listen, whiskers. Otis is on my side.

He said I was right to kick you off his shoulder.

In fact, he told me to tell you that you're dead to him

Now that I'm back in his life, see?

- What? No way.

Otis would never say that.

- He used those very words. You can ask him yourself, see?

In fact, I dare you. Yeah.

- Otis! Otis!

Otis, is what eddie just said true?

Did you really say those things about me?

- Yes, pip, I did say those things,

And I meant every word of it.

- So that's how it is? Fine!

- Everybody loves each other now.

- What's not to love, you mug? Yeah.

Fish, see? Blow it off. Yeah!

- I can't believe otis said those things.

Well, who cares? I don't need him.

Oh, it hurts so much!

[Dramatic music]

- Oh, we heard the whole thing, mon ami.

The fat cow, he has abandoned you, no?

- The milk of betrayal is bitter, no?

- Leave me alone.

- But, mon ami,we despise the fat cow too.

You join with us, and we can totally get him in trouble

With ze farmer.

- Right, like I'd really hook up

With a bunch of lying, nasty crows.

- Up high, fish guy!

- Too slow, you lousy mug.

[Laughter] - you're the best.

- Oh, you've got soft shoulders, yeah.

- I'm in.

[Crows laughing]

- Now you're talking.

- Tres bien.

- Welcome to the team.

- Whaa, you landed on victory boulevard, see?

Pay up, porky.

- Okay, you got me.

- Hey, guys, has anyone seen pip?

- Oh, i--i just remembered.

Pip said he was headed to the mall

To buy you a "world's best buddy" mug.

- Really? That crazy nut.

He's so thoughtful.

Did he say when he'd be back?

- Here's the thing, see.

Said he was going to visit his cousin manny after.

Said he'd be back in a few days.

Yeah, that's what he said, see?

- Weird, I don't even remember him having a cousin manny.

- Well, turns out he does. Yeah, see?

- Yeah. - See?

- Yeah. - See?

- Okay. - All right.

Say, let's play a party game.

- Oh, that sounds funny, eddie. What's the game?

- It's called marketing brainstorm.

You guys shout out what you like to see in a new plush toy,

And I write the ideas down.

Yeah, fun. Whaa!

- Plush toy, huh?

Let's see.

- Extra hugability.

- Ooh! Propellors, propellors!

- Antibiotics! - Lip gloss, lip gloss!

- Oh, I know; what about a pizza-flavored plush toy?

- Ooh! - Nice.

- I like it.

- Yeah, that's the stuff.

You guys are pretty good.

Now let's talk video games. Whaa!

- Prepare to be bovinated.

Prepare to be bovinated.

Prepare to be--

Pare to be bo...vin...ated.

- It was set on a*t*matic.

Otis and the others are playing poker.

Quick, grab the corn.

- Well done, tiny mouse.

The fat cow will be in big trouble for this,

And you will have your revenge.

- Sounds good to me.

- Oh, oui.

He and the other stupid animals will weep and cry

And never know 'appiness again.

[Laughter]

- Yeah. Weep and cry.

That'll be...great.

And--ah, who am I kidding?

I can't go through with this.

- Ah, good idea, little mouse.

We will celebrate our triumph with fireworks.

- No, stupid.

The mouse has betrayed us.

- Then I spit on you. Poo!

- Ah, that got on me, huh?

- Well, you were in ze way.

I said I was spitting.

- Get lost, crows. - Go away!

- Get out of here! - Losers!

- To ze skies, mes amis!

- You need to leave.

Good work, pip.

How'd you know the crows were here?

- Because I was helping steal the corn.

- Good thinking.

I would have done the exact same--shwa?

- Pip, why would you do that?

- Because otis is a big dope.

He abandoned me for eddie.

He even said I was dead to him.

- I did not!

I said you were the best friend ever.

- That's not what he told me.

- Fellas, sounds like that catfish

Has been doing a mess of lying.

- That slimy bottom-feeder!

He was only using us to get more cool product ideas,

Just like he did with pizza gum.

That catfish is going down.

[Dramatic music]

- You know what would be a hit?

A thing with another thing that goes, "whoo!"

- Good idea, pops.

You're really thinking outside the box, yeah.

[Horn blows]

What's all the ruckus, see?

[Horn blowing]

All: hi, eddie!

- Otis, guys, where'd you get that sweet ride, yeah?

- Oh, what, this?

It's just a cool little invention we came up with.

We call it the corn car.

- It's a real wingdinger.

Looks stylish and affordable, yeah.

- It's powered by corn, with a rugged eight-cob engine.

- We even wrote a jingle to help promote it.

♪

All: ♪ for a ride that's hot, just toot your horn ♪

♪ And drive the car that's made from corn ♪

♪ Corn car

Thud!

- A car like that could make millions, yeah, millions!

- I know.

Unfortunately, we're just dumb barn animals,

So we'll never be able to get it off the ground.

- We'd mess it up. - Yeah, we're dumb.

- Incredibly stupid. - We can't do nothing.

- Out of my way, mugs!

- Ooh!

- Eddie, what are you doing?

- I'm jacking this jalopy, see?

And I'm going to make a mint, yeah.

So long, suckers.

- Papa mouse to dirty birds.

You are go for free corn.

Repeat, you are go.

- -, Tiny mouse.

Take her down.

[Crows laughing]

- What the--hey!

Lay off, you guys,

Or I'll have to get rough with you, see?

- Next stop: canada!

- No, not canada.

Anything but that!

You mugs set me up!

I'll get you for this but good, see?

Yeah, see? Yeah! Whaa!

- Bye, eddie.

- So long! - Good riddance!

- I'm not wearing a girdle!

- Well, I guess eddie will get what's coming to him.

- Yup, he'll be trapped forever

In the horrible land beyond montana.

Who knows what dreadful fate awaits him there?

- And there you have it, folks,

The fabulous new canadian corn car

That's taking the world by storm.

The inventor of this baby's going to be rich

Beyond his wildest dreams.

Hot diggity!

- Ha! We sure showed eddie.

- You're not bright.

- Thanks. I've been working out.

[Suspenseful music]

♪

- Hurry, guys.

Let's get these exploding begonias planted

Before mrs. Beady spots us.

- Otis, why are we picking on mrs. Beady?

She hasn't done anything to us in days.

- Yeah, but what about all the stuff she did last week?

[All screaming]

[All screaming]

[All screaming]

- Uh, otis, that last thing never happened.

- Yeah, but she thought about it.

- Hey, guys, I have a vase these would be perfect for.

- No, freddy.

[expl*si*n]

Uh, how dumb are you?

- Hey, here's another one.

[expl*si*n]

- What is going on out there?

It's those talking animals.

Well, this time I'll be ready for 'em.

- Scooter!

- Where is it?

Aha!

I'll teach those troublemakers to snoop around in my garden.

They'll never know what hit 'em.

Get out of here, you filthy--

Mother beady?

- No, it's the queen of sheba.

Course it's me.

- But I thought--

- Nathan, mommy's here!

[Tires squealing]

Crash!

Ugh! It's like a stable in here.

Why my nathan stays with you, I'll never know.

- Hey, mom.

- Nathan!

Sweet sassafras!

You look frightful.

What's this woman feeding you, other than misery?

You're feeding him misery!

- Wow, mrs. Beady's mother-in-law's a beast.

- I know; she's doing our job for us.

We didn't even need exploding begonias.

- Ooh, then we can keep them.

[expl*si*n]

- Eat, nathan, eat.

We need to fatten you up

So you can attract a suitable wife.

- But I'm his wife.

- There are lawyers for that.

- You know, you don't have to be so offensive.

- Nathan, what's she saying?

I don't speak hag!

- That's it!

I don't have to take this.

Nathan, either she goes or I go.

- Let's see--

- I'm walking out that door unless you stop me.

- I--

- No? - [Gagging]

- All right, you had your chance.

Good-bye.

- [Sputters]

- That's it, darling. Eat up.

We'll have the locks changed tomorrow.

- I have many dear friends

Who'd be happy to take me in during my time of crisis.

- Hello? - Hello, marcia?

Nora beady.

You bagged my groceries last week,

And I was wondering--

[Dial tone beeping]

Well, I have plenty of other friends.

Fine, I don't want to live with you either,

Mrs. Rhoda l. Zazizerwitz!

Oh, whatever.

I'm not going back home.

I have my pride.

Why, I'd rather stay with those talking barn animals

Than give in to that shrew woman.

Fortunately, the weather's nice,

So I don't require shel--

[Thunderclap]

[Melancholy music]

♪

- Mrs. Beady alert.

- Battle stations!

Load the pie cannons.

Get the mustard hose.

On my signal.

Ready, aim...

Shwa?

- What the heck is she doing?

- Yoo-hoo! Talking animals!

I come in the spirit of peace between our peoples.

- We don't believe you. Go away.

- Please.

I need a place to stay, and you're my only viable option.

- Oh, well, in that case, go away.

- All right. I understand.

I'll just stay out here, then.

- Yes, that is much better for us.

So poker night. Who's in?

- Otis, we can't just leave mrs. Beady out there

In the rain.

- I'm pretty sure we can.

- Looks like she's starting to shiver.

- Shiver with hate.

- Hey, I think her lips are turning blue.

- Blue with hate.

- She's weeping. - Weeping with hate.

- [Weeping]

- Ah, fine!

- You're doing the right thing, otis.

- "Blabbity, blabbity, otis."

Hey, hatepants. Get in here.

- Thank you!

- Eh, eh.

Under one condition:

You promise never to try to expose us again.

- I promise. I promise.

- Okay.

- Oh, thank you. Thank you all.

Ugh! You let the talking pig live here?

- Okay, bad idea.

- No, no. I'll be good.

I'll be the perfect guest.

You'll hardly even know I'm here.

[Humming]

[Upbeat music]

Ooh, hoo, yeah.

[Hoedown music]

[Accordion music]

♪

[Animals groan]

- I was so wrong about all of you.

You're not freaks at all.

You're wonderful, generous people.

Can you ever forgive me?

- "Forgive" is... - I don't know.

- I'm not so sure. - Define "forgive."

- Oh, what a relief.

You know, I feel so comfortable here,

Like I have nothing to hide...

Including these.

[Animals gasp]

Scoot over. Mama's coming in.

All right, looks like I got the tub all to myself.

- Help, I'm blind!

- Mrs. Beady's got to go.

- She's bumming us out.

- She's just always there.

- Her corns are huge.

- Guys, guys, please.

We all agree that mrs. Beady's driving us crazy.

So pig's just going to have to throw her out.

- Oh, not me, otis.

I'm not good at giving bad news.

[Knocking at door and doorbell ringing]

♪ You've been fired from your job ♪

♪ So you can't pay the bills

♪ And, by the way, your wife is leaving too ♪

- Oh!

- Oh, all right. I'll just do it.

Okay, otis. You can do this.

Just tell her she's weird and gross

And we don't want her to live here anymore.

She'll totally be able to understand.

- [Crying]

- What the--

Uh, nora? Quick question.

Why is your face leaking?

- Oh, talking cow, I miss my nathan terribly.

I want to go back home, but I can't

As long as his horrible mother's there.

- Really?

Well, I was about to tell you you can stay here forever,

But if you want, maybe I could help you scare her off.

- But that's impossible.

She's not afraid of anything except my mother,

And she's in the galapagos,

Tagging puffins with her quilting club.

- [Dramatically] or is she?

- Yes, she is.

- No, I mean I'm going to dress up as your mother.

- Oh, well, why didn't you just say that?

- Well, i-- never mind.

- Here's lunch for my big boy.

- Oh, ma, I'm gonna bust my britches.

Then I'm gonna have to buy big-boy britches.

- Yoo-hoo!

Look who's back.

And I brought a visitor.

It's my mother.

- Yup, things are about to get ugly.

- You!

I haven't seen you

Since you poisoned us last thanksgiving.

Turkey fondue? More like turkey fon-don't.

- Lovely to see you too, dear.

I didn't realize zombies could come out in the daylight.

- And you look fabulous.

I guess bloated is the new black.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm taking care of my son.

- Is that what you call it?

I didn't want to criticize,

So I'll just condemn you with my eyes.

- ♪ La la la

I'm ignoring you.

Open up, darling.

Here comes pudding.

- Mm-mm-mm.

- Look, your smothering has made him willful.

Move over!

Canary goes in the coal mine.

- Mm-mm.

- Canary goes in the coal mine!

- [High-pitched scream]

- Now he's dead in your tum-tum.

- That's not how he likes it.

Eat up, darling.

- Have another bite.

- Don't eat that. Eat this.

- Open up for mama.

- Don't chew; just eat. - Don't eat; just chew.

- Don't look at her; look at me.

- You're choking him. - You are.

- He seems to be choking.

Oh, great.

Look, you got schmutz on his face.

I'll get it.

- He only likes his mother's saliva.

- No, stop touching me, old women!

- Ugh, look at this earwax.

You call yourself a mother? Because I sure don't.

- Hang on, now.

What are you doing with that?

- You're doing it wrong.

You gotta scoop it out like this.

- Oh, dear!

It's touching my brain!

- Oh, he's so pale.

He needs some color.

How about a little pinch to those cheeks?

Pinch, pinch, pinch. Pinch, pinch, pinch.

- Well, you call that pinching?

I'll show you pinching.

- Some mother.

When was the last time you gave him a haircut?

- Well, you're not going to do it!

- Oh, you just watch me.

Relax, dear.

I'm just going to do a little snipping.

- Let me do it! Turn this way, dear.

- Look, now you're scaring him.

- He has my good looks.

- He certainly has your mustache.

- I'll show you a mustache.

- That's it!

I've had it!

Out of my house now!

- But, nathan, you need your mama

To take care of you.

- I already got someone to take care of me: her!

The lesser of evils!

- Her name's nora.

- Right, nora.

- Oh, nathan!

You do care!

- That's a little close.

- Fine. I know when I'm not wanted.

- You're just less wanted.

Bye, ma.

- I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed.

Mobility scooter, away!

[Tires squealing]

- I thought she'd never leave.

Now, what are we doing for dinner?

- Get out!

- I want to thank you kind animals

For restoring peace in my home.

- No problem. Just remember our deal.

No more trying to expose us, right?

- Of course not.

We're friends now.

- Mrs. Beady, here.

You forgot your white flag.

- Oh, thank you, freddy.

Let this be a symbol of our new and enduring friendship.

[Screams]

Oh, my.

That was strange.

Where am i?

- Mrs. Beady, are you okay?

- [Screams] talking animals!

Nathan, get my video camera!

The talking animals are back!

- Well, it was fun while it lasted.

- Wait, here. Have a flow--

Well, that happened.