04x01 - With Friends Like These/Sailing the Seven Z's

[bunniefuu]

[Buzzing]

[Rattling]

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

[Whistling and buzzing]

[Splat!]

[Screaming]

♪ Rocko's modern life.

Rocko's modern life.



That was a hoot!

D.j.: Okay, sweethearts, this here's uncle wee-wee

Purring from . K-woo.

Lovely listening for lovely listeners.

I'm into the seventh day of a commercial-free love fest.

It's your last chance

To win tickets to the loveliest event in o-town.

We'regivingaway two tickets

To the w.w.w.w.w.f.

The loveliest wrestling event of the year.

I'll take caller number .

Go!

Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Sorry, caller number one.

No go, no go, number four.

I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it...

...number , no cigar.

Number , not lucky tonight.

[Groaning]

[Busy signals]

They're all busy!

Don't you freak out on me, heffer.

You keep dialing.

We'll see that match!

[Moaning]

[Screaming]

[Phone ringing]

It's ringing.

Fil, do you hear it?

It's ringing.

It's ringing?

[Crashes]

Which one is it?

Ringing.

Hello, you're the nd caller.

You there, caller?

Yes, yes, I'm here!

I'm here, hello?

I can hear someone...

Wait, wait, wait, I'm here, I'm here!

[Phone rings]

Hello,you'rethe nd caller.

Hello, is this tony's pizza?

No, baby, it's k-woo.

You just won the tickets, baby.

Tickets?

I must have dialed the wrong number.

No, man, this is the right number, man

For the wrestling tickets.

Haven't you been listening?!

I was just hungry...

Don't you like wrestling?

Yes, yes, I love wrestling.

I'd love to go.

Well, that'scool,baby.

Congratulations go out to rocko.

That's right, rocko of o-town is going to the wrestling match.

So... That's that, then.

Yeah, guess so.

Well, couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure definitely.

You know, he's... A good egg.

[Coughing]

I got to go now.

Oh, yeah, sure, sure, yeah.

Because I'm a little tired.

Got to arrange my socks according to color...

A lot of stuff to do...

See you, filb.

Yeah, see you.

[Tires squealing]

[Thud, sheep bleats]

[Tires squealing]

[Cat screeches]

[Crashes]

Hey, rocko, what's up?

And you were trying to order pizza, really?

That's crazy.

You tell the best stories.

[Laughing]

Oh, hello, heff, what brings you around?

Yeah, whatever could it be?

[Slurping]

Oh, you know, I was just in the neighborhood.

I was just telling filb here

I won tickets on the radio today.

Oh, yeah? No kidding.

I've never won anything before.

It's for the big wrestling match.

Uh, wrestling match? What's that?

Rocko: you know, at o-town fields this weekend.

Oh, right, is that this weekend?

Yeah, and I've got two tickets.

No kidding?

So...

[Fly buzzing]

Who you going to bring?

Gee, I haven't given it much thought.

I guess I'll invite one of my friends.

Good morning, rocko!

What are you doing here so early?

Well, I was just passing by and I thought

What the heck, I'd get your toothbrush ready for you.

Gee, heff, thanks, but i...

Think nothing of it.

I'll go make us breakfast while you freshen up.

♪ I'm going to the wrestling match ♪

♪ See the big men throw each other around. ♪

Oh, well, I'll just get the paper, and, uh...

Good morning, rocko.

Filburt, what are you doing here so early?

I found this great new recipe for popovers.

So I say, "who would appreciate

"Me coming over at the cr*ck of dawn

And making breakfast?"

Rocko, that's who!

I thought heffer was making breakfast.

No, no, don't worry about him.

You go sit down.

I made eggs, and pancakes, sausage--

That is, if some big, fat, greedy slob

Hasn't eaten it already.

So, I'll run and get some fresh coffee

Thatimade for rocko.

"That I made for rocko."

You phony-baloney turtle

Trying to get the wrestling tickets.

Okay, here it comes, nice and hot.

[Screaming and crashing]

Gee, rocko, would afrienddo that?

That's it!

I know you both want to go to the wrestling match

But buttering me up won't work.

I haven't decided whoi'm going to bring.

Hi, rock, just doing a few chores for you.

Your car's all waxed and ready for a busy day!

Hmm, what cereal do I need?

Hey, rocko, they got sugar corn swats!

You like these, right?

Here's a box of lucky lollipop crunch.

There's a lollipop in every bite.

No, no, wait, wait, holy moly frijoles!

That's your favorite...

I got it.

Hey, rocko, remember we saw

The movie here together, and, uh...

One, two, three, four...

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow... ♪

[Screaming]

Hey, rock, look at this newmotorcycle I got.

You want to go for a ride?

[Filburt wheezing]

[Heffer screaming]

[Both wheezing]

Listen, guys, I don't know who I'm...

Before you say anything else

I just want to tell you that I love you...

Wait, I love you, too, rocko.

Go away, interloper.

Wait, it's not fair.

That's it!

You two are supposed to be friends.

I've made up my mind now.

I'm going to the wrestling match tomorrow morning alone.

[Rooster crows]

[Alarm rings]

You have to takemenow, rocko.

Heffer!

Maybe we can get some breakfast before...

I've had it with your little games, heff.

I've already told you

I'm going to that match alone.

So, I want you to unlock me

And shuffle your big, fat butt home this instant.

Yah!

You got to go to the match with me.

You got to go with me.

[Chuckling]

How do you like that for genius, huh?

[Laughing]

Why, you big, fat, dumb cow.

I can't believe you.

I had the idea first to go to the match with rocko

Then you stole my idea

And then tried buttering him up.

He's going with me to the match.

He's going with me!

He's going with me!

He's my friend more than yours.

Forget that, he's mine.

You don't even like wrestling.

I gave you the whole idea...

Remember that day...

He's my friend...

I was on the phone...

Who's the one...

I heard about it.

...every saturday

With his wrestling mask on

Going, "yeah, yeah, go!"

What are you talking about?

Rocko... Rocko likes me best...

I've known him when he was just a little tiny wallaby.

I've had him over to my parents' house for dinner.

Have you ever had rocko over to meet your parents?

Who do you think you are?

I'm getting in with that ticket.

No, it's me who's going.

You don't even like wrestling.

I have all their records.

This is the kind of thing you do

That really gets under my skin.

I don't know why you're wearing those glasses

Because they aren't helping you to see reality.

You're crazy, got some sort of crazy cow disease.

There's the real world

And then there's filburt world.

You're living in filburt world...

[Both still arguing]

Who brought rocko chicken soup

When he had the measles last year?

Didn't see you in the bedroom, filburt.

Want another example of my love for rocko?

Last week, we were sitting in the chewy chicken.

I had one french fry left.

Did I share it with rocko?

No, because I could tell that he wasn't hungry.

You got your tickets?

But if he was, I would have given it to him, filburt.

Hey, rock, you okay?

You okay, you got the tickets?

Let me help you up, man.

Give us the tickets, buddy, go ahead.

Oh, uh, right.

The tickets.

Yeah, yeah.yeah, yeah.

Hey, wait a minute, let me see.

Ooh, here they are.

Here's the tickets, here they are.

I found them, here they are.

Ooh, boy, look at that.

Look at all the tickets.

A ticket for you

And a ticket for you

And tickets for everybody!

Now we can all go!

[Sizzling]

So, I guess you don't have the tickets.

Well, no...

I guess you're right, no tickets.

Rocko, I can't tell you how sorry I am about all this.

Well, that's okay.

You and heff just got carried away.

Right, heff?

D.j.: Hey, all you snuggle-bugs

We got another contest.

Be the first guy down here handcuffed to your best friend

And receive two tickets

To this weekend's monster truck rally.

Heffer: he's my pal.

You don't even know him.

Filburt: enough comments from the meat counter, cow.

You don't know anything

About wrestling or monster trucks.

I live monster trucks.

My father was a monster truck.

[Applause]

[Orchestral music playing]

[Singing operatically]

♪ Yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho ♪

♪ Yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho... ♪

[Singer takes deep breath]

♪ Yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho.

Woman: psst! Go ahead, edward.

Yo-ho, yo-ho.

Come on, now, hold up your little treasure map.

Do you have the treasure map? Hmm?

Edward?

Okay, sweetie, don't panic.

Polly parrot's bringing a map.

Here you go.

Okay now, yo-ho, yo-ho, yo-ho.

Edward! Yo-ho!

[Crying]

Mommy!

[Light switch clanking]

Bev: darling, why didn't you just tell me

You were afraid of pirates?

You're not listening to me, I had a...

Very traumatic childhood experience.

Darling, you were six years old.

And the laughingstock of stink pond elementary.

I could have been the best pirate ever

If it hadn't been for that treasure map

That stupid treasure map!

How about a foot massage, darling?

Oh, for pete's sake.

How rude!

[Mumbling]

Woman: come on, now, hold up your little treasure map.

Avast, ye scurvy scoundrels.

Oh, ed.

[Giggling]

Ahoy.

Salty biscuit.

Argh!

[Both snoring]

Ed: argh, weigh anchors, lads.

[Swords clanking]

Step lively, ye swabs, man the windlass!

What...

Heave to, now, I've a barnacle on my bottom.

Avast, ye scurvy scum!

Rocko: it's : in the morning.

Ed: I'll scuttle ye for a sea biscuit, I will.

What the nut is going on?

We'll have that treasure map yet.

What's rightfully mine is mine.

[Chortling]

[Toy squeaking]

Spunky, be quiet.

No squeaky monkey.

[Ranting]

[Squeaking]

Ahoy, there, matey.

Weirdo.

I'm old, but I remember

What aunt rinky used to say.

What was it she used to say?

Still, an eyeball's an eyeball.

Unless, of course...

[Both snoring]

Ed: by thunder, I'll have that map.

Or by the bums of me ancestors, there'll be heck to pay.

Heck to pay... Argh!

Poop the deck and waffle me winkie.

Mr. Bighead!

[Gasping]

Would you please be quiet?

Avast!

Well, butter my scones.

It's him.

That map-stealing bilge skunk.

At last, upon these dark waters

I'll get back what's mine.

Argh!

[Chuckling]

[Crashing]

Splash... Argh...

[Chuckling]

Argh...

Argh...

[Jabbering]

Oh, spunky, please.

I was finally getting some more sleep.

Argh!

[Screaming]

Top of the evening to ye, cap'n fuzzy.

[Laughing nervously]

Uh, yes, yes.

Hand over the map, ye soft-bellied sea slug.

Mr. Bighead, are you all right?

I've come for what's mine

And I'll have none of your sauce.

Mr. Bighead, you're acting very peculiar.

Perhaps a nice glass of milk would--

By thunder, I'll have that map.

Well...

[Laughing nervously]

Methinks it's time for a little walk.

Have ye any last remarks

Before ye fatten the bottom feeders?

Please, I don't know why you're doing this

But maybe we could--

None of your, your double-talk there, eh...

[Muttering]

[Snorting]

[Mumbling]

[Mumbling]

[Snoring]

He's sleepwalking.

[Screaming]

No, spunky.

Not now.

Go away.

[Applause]

This should do it, spunky.

No more sleepwalking pirates tonight.

Movie night!

Sorry, fellas.

No movie night tonight.

But I got a copy of--

Some other time, heff.

I haven't slept three days.

What with captain bighead running around

With his "hi heave" and "shiver me barnacles."

Both: mr. Bighead thinks he's a pirate?

[Laughing]

Entertainment ahoy.

No, he's sleepwalking, dreaming he's a pirate.

And driving me bonkers about this and--

Mr. Bighead thinks he's a pirate.

[Laughing]

It's not funny!

If mr. Bighead wakes me up one more time

About his stupid treasure map

I'm going to go crazy!

[Glass breaking]

Why don't you just give him his map?

Thanks for helping, heff.

Almost done.

And... Viola!

What's that?

Heff: it's filburt's mom!

[Laughing]

Oh, yeah?

Well, here'syourmom.

Never mind, I'll do it myself.

There.

Now all we have to do

Is wait for mr. Bighead to get here.

Both: can we stay and watch?

Oh, what a gyp.

Yeah.

[Both snoring]

[Ringing]

I'll get it!

Uh, hello?

Argh!

Ah, yes, mr. Big...head!

♪ Ahoy there.

Oh, my.

Heh, heh, ahoy.

The treasure map.

Yes, and I'd like--

Argh!

There's never long a match

For the great captain blackhead.

[Chuckling]

Yes, well, uh...

Thanks for coming by.

Not so fast there, matey.

Right.

Avast! The sea cow.

Uh, fellas?

Mr. Bighead issleeping

And he's got his nice map

And he's going home now.

Okay?

Okay.

[With swedish accent]: I'll be taking that map from you.

Good gads, what sort of accent is that?

Heffer, no!

Got it.

Argh!

[Giggling]

Give me that.

Oh, fiddle dee dee.

I'll run you through.

Heffer, stop it.

Har de har har.

Don't!

You'll be sorry ye messed with me.

Heffer, heffer...

Heffer, wait.

[Screaming]: heffer!

What?

Where's mr. Bighead?

He k*lled me.

And then I think he went home.

[Groaning]

Ed: ahoy, there.

[Spunky barking]

Spunky!

This be your last chance given.

Hand over the map.

Okay.

Never! Ha, ha!

So be it.

[Cackling]

Fire at will.

Har, har, har, har...

Mr. Bighead...

We're sinking!

Har! Har, har, har, har.

Mr. Bighead, here.

Here's your map.

Argh!

[Chuckling]

Well, ye made good with old cap'n blackhead, ye did.

Fly back to your rightful master now, pretty polly.

[Screaming]: no!

Here you go.

Thanks, filburt.

[Screaming]

Spunky!

[Splat]

Har, har, har, har...

Stand aside.

[Cackling wildly]

[Squeaking]

The treasure.

[Whimpering]

[Cackling]

Huh?

What-what-what...

What?

What's going on here?

Well, you see, uh, you were sleepwalk--

Never mind.

The less I know

About your sick frat house shenanigans

The better.

[Whimpering]

Now, get off my property

Before I call the juvenile authorities.

Heffer: don't worry, spunky.

We'll get you a new squeaky toy

Just as soon as we reach...

The north pole.

Faster, filburt.

Aye, sir.

Prepare to dive.

[Squeaking]

[Water sloshing and gurgling]

Filburt: hey, fellas?

Rocko and heffer: you're nauseous.

Filburt: right.

[Throwing up]