03x09 - Wacky Deli

[bunniefuu]

[Buzzing]

[Rattling]

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

[Whistling and buzzing]

[Splat!]

[Screaming]

♪ Rocko's modern life.

Rocko's modern life.

[

And nickelodeon]

That was a hoot!

[Laughing]

Man: will you lower your voice?

Youloweryourvoice!

I will when you lower your voice!

Lower your voice!

Youloweryourvoice!

[Applause]

[Ringing]

It's a credit to your genius.

A triumph of your will.

It's okay.

Go away, toadies.

All: oh, yes sir, oh, we're out of here.

Finally, it's over.

Episodes ofthe fatheads.

Now I can finally create something

Of real meaning and importance.

Here it is, the final episode ofthe fatheads.

Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme.

Ooh, ooh.

And where do you think you're going?

Huh?

Both: you owe us a pilot

For another show.

What?

Just check your contract.

You'll see we get one more show

Before we let you go.

But, but...

Have your new show on our desk

By next monday-- got it?

Bev bighead: oh, I can hardly wait

To see our little ralphie.

Oh, great.

But why did you have to invite the losers?

Mrs. Bighead: oh, ed

They're our ralphie's biggest fans.

Your son is a huge talent.

It's a shame there won't be any morefatheadsepisodes.

Oh, boys, there will always be re-runs.

Here he comes now.

All: welcome home, ralph!

Something the matter, dear?

Oh, they're forcing me to make a new show.

I don't want to make a new show.

He doesn't want to make a new show.

I wanted to pursue my dream.

I wanted to sculpt the world's largest still life.

Now, I'll never get to do it.

Rocko: what will your new show be about, mr. Ralph bighead?

I have no idea.

What do you mean?

Creating an idea for an animated show

Must be so easy.

Oh, heff, you know nothing about it.

No, really, I'll show you.

It could be about, uh, hmm...

Deli meats!

Hello, mr. Bologna.

[Gasps] look out for mr. Butcher Kn*fe!

Oh, no, get away from me!

[Screaming]

[Laughing]

Hey, home slice...

Heff, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

An idea like that

Would get ralph kicked out of his contract.

What was that?

I said that an idea like that

Would get you kicked out

Of your contract.

I think you've got your finger

On the pulse of america.

I do?

How would you and your little friends

Like to help me create my new show?

Really?

We couldhelp?

Excuse me.

Son...

Are you crazy?!

Asking those idiots to help?!

They'll ruin it!

Exactly. If I let them do my new show

It'll be a failure.

They'll have to let me out of my contract

And then I'll be free.

I don't know, rock.

This sounds like work.

Yeah, and we don't know anything

About making animated cartoons.

But, guys, think of all the joy ralph bighead's work

Has brought to our lives.

He needs our help.

How can we say no?

So how about it, guys-- can you help me out?

Well, okay...well, okay...

All: we'll do it!

[Tires screeching]

Here's your budget.

Try not to spend the whole thing.

And here, this will tell you

Anything you want to know.

Rocko: , simple steps to making an animated cartoon.

Well, let's make a cartoon.

Step one: design the characters.

Okay, here's my character.

His name is sal lami.

Get it?

Sal lami-- salami.

This is betty bologna.

She's a girl.

Okay, this cute little guy I call

Lester roquefort.

Heffer: let me see.

Wow, that looks terrific, filb.

Yeah, this is great!

Can I make one little change?

Well...

Sure.

I think it should be more like this.

And we could just call him mr. Cheese.

Rocko: now we need to write the show.

Okay, let's see what we've got so far.

You seen robo-frog vyet?

Yeah, it's okay.

Rocko: okay, we open up the show in the morning.

Betty bologna wakes up in the deli.

Then she says, "oh, what a beautiful day!"

The doorbell rings and she goes to the...

Heffer: telephone!

Excuse me?

Telephone, the telephone rings.

It's much funnier that way, don't you think?

Oh, yes, definitely much funnier.

Yeah, funny...telephones are funny.

Cartoons are fun....telephone.

Okay, so thetelephonerings

And it's mr. Cheese on the phone.

And the cheese says, "hello, betty.

Do you want to come over?"

And then...

Heffer: the salami.

What?

Salami.

It should be sal lami on the phone

And he says, "I hate bologna!"

And then he att*cks her through the phone.

[Laughing]

Wait a minute.

The salami ain't the only character.

Why can't the cheese say it?

The cheese wouldn't say that.

How would you know?

I'm the cheese.

I know what he says and don't says.

What is it with you?

You're the one being difficult.

I mean, gosh... You eat enough of it.

Rocko: guys!

We'll just put down

Either salami or cheese for now.

We've got to move on.

Sure.fine, whatever.

I know what you're saying.boy, crabby.

So, after the telephone rings, and she answers, the...

[Burping]

[Laughing]

Excuse me.

[Giggling]

Hey, you could do that on the show.

It would be great!

Yeah, and boogers can fly out of my nose!

[Laughing]

Yeah, and all that stuff can fly onto betty.

All this goop and slime and scum...

Filburt: ...up and down, like a little salami...

Googie, googie, googie, googie...

Heffer: and the cheese just... [Makes squishing noise]

Okay!

So, betty wakes up and says

[Straining]: "oh, what a beautiful day."

And then the telephone...

Or doorbell.

...or doorbell ringing, and she answers it

And says hello.

And then the salami...

Or cheese.

...or cheese

Says, "I hate bologna"

And att*cks her through the phone

And stuff comes out of his mouth

While we hold on him for a long time.

Okey-dokey?

So, then, she walks over to the counter and...

Heffer: hold it!

What?!

Hmm...

You know, I was thinking...

Yes?

Do we really need the cheese at all?

What?

Why, you big stupid cow.

What did I say?

Why do you torment me like this?

I'm not attacking you

I'm attacking your stupid old ideas.

"Step to step ,.

Draw lots and lots of little pictures."

[Groaning]

What?

[Clicking and whirring]

Next one.

[Clicking and whirring]

Next one.

[Clicking and whirring]

All we have to do is edit the film and we're done.

Filburt: stupid? Stupid? Is that what you think?

The cheese monologue is stupid, filburt!

Long and stupid.

Oh, yeah?

You know the salami chase sequence?

You know what I think of that?

There...

Yeah...

Oh, yeah?

Well, you know the big cheese climax ending?

[Clanging]

[Breathing heavily]

[Crashing]

Heffer: you stupid liar!

You call yourself an animator?

Filburt: keep your stinking paws off my celluloid.

Heffer: your cartoon's not funny enough to be on the family channel!

[Screaming]

[Ralph clears his throat]

Hey, guys.

Just came by to pick up the finished film.

I'll give you a couple of minutes to wrap things up.

[Crashing and banging]

[Yelling and mumbling]

[Drilling]

Here it is.

Great, great.

I'll zip this on over to the executives.

Thanks a bunch.

Let me say before we start

That I'm very happy with this.

It's about...

Deli meats.

Both: deli meats?

And if you pick this up

For episodes, you'll get more of the same.

Okay, hit the lights.

[Light switch clanking]

[Circus music playing]

[Yawning loudly]

Oh, boy, what a beautiful day!

[Phone rings]

Hello?

Heffer's voice: I hate baloney!

[Yelling and burbling]

Filburt's voice: I am the cheese!

I am the best character on the show.

I am better than both the salami and the bologna combined.

[Train chugging and whistling]

[Yawning]

[Phone rings]

Hello?

Announcer: notice the texture of this meat loaf. Loaf.

Pineapples give it a festive touch.

[Burping]

I am the cheese.

I am the best character on this show.

I am better than both the salami

And the bologna combined.

[Gargling]

[Phone rings]

Hello?

What a beautiful day.i am the best character...

[Meow]

The meat loaf should be spongy

Yet firm.[Yodeling]

Salami, better than the bologna

Better than the...

Embrace it.

[Yelling in distance]

So, what did you think?

We love it!

Newsreel announcer: wacky dellyis the kids' new favorite.

Ratings off the counter forwacky delly.

These slices are hollowood's hot new stars.

And now, another o-town

News editorial review.

Wacky delly is degrading garbage.

Its confused social morals

And disturbing undertones[farting]

Are tormenting the youths of our nation.

Kids everywhere are mindlessly

Imitatingwacky dellyantics:

In garberville, california;

In ogallala, nebraska.

For gosh sakes, we've got to stop the carnage!

Frank?

Did you see all those kids' faces?

I know.

Do ralph and his boys know

They've created a monster here?

They don't have a clue.

Frank?

Yes, will?

We've got one heck of a hit show here!

Yes!

[Both laughing]

I can't believe this.

The show is actually popular.

I'll never be able to create my masterpiece.

I must... Get out... Of my contract.

I must sabotage the show!

Why don't we put in that down sh*t?

Let's not, and say we did.

Hey, fellas.

How's everything coming along?

Just great, r.b., Why don't you take a look

At the newest episode?

[Heffer giggling wildly]

What do you think?

Mmm...

It needs something.

How about...

Mayonnaise?

Uh... Mayonnaise?

Yeah, what if we hold on a bucket of mayonnaise

For an entire ten minutes?

Well, uh... I don't know.

Don't you think it stands well enough on its own?

Whose show is it?

Your show?

I'm the genius here.

If I want mayonnaise, I get mayonnaise!

[Chuckling nervously]

Yes, sir.

♪Wacky delly,yeah! ♪

♪Wacky delly,yeah! ♪

[Slow music playing]

Newsreel announcer: dellyscores again!

Powerful warholian tribute!

Fans go nuts!

[Crowd clamoring]

[Tires screech]

Hey! It's ralph bighead!

It's him.

Creator ofwacky delly.

I got his shirt.

I got one of his tires.

I got a tremendous chunk of his scalp.

[Machinery whirring]

[Laughing]

Whoo!

Okay, I'm finished sh**ting.

Let's get this baby developed.

We have to take the film out of the camera

And put it in the film can.

Filburt: hit the lights.

Okay, I got the film.

I need the can.

Heffer: I got it!

[Can clatters, cat squeals]

Hey, that's not it!

Oh, I dropped it!

Oops, sorry.

Will you quit grabbing me

And turn on the lights?!

I said I was sorry.

Turn on the lights!

That'll expose the film, eisenstein!

Just give it to me.

Ouch, stop it.

I don't understand, heffer.

You're always spitting on me.

Rocko: guys...

[Screams]: guys!

Hey, guys.

How's it going?

Hey, I found it!

I found it!

Oops. I didn't sabotage...

I mean, I didn't expose the film, did i?

Isn't that the nextwacky delly?

I guess we'll have to sh**t

The whole thing over again.

Nonsense, just run it the way it is.

But it's overexposed.

Ralph: trust me, it'll be great.

"Ralph bighead scores big with overexposed episode.

Total genius"?!

[Groans]

[Crowd clamoring]

Man: ooh, ooh, here he comes, here he comes!

[Crashing]

[Bev laughing hysterically]

Bev: eddie, eddie, eddie...

[Laughing]

[Doorbell chimes]

Ralph, I'm so glad you dropped by.

Give your old man a hug.

Dad, I need your help.

Rocko and his friends are ruining my life.

[Bev laughing]

Rocko problems, hmm?

Well, let me show you a little of what I've been up to.

We're really close to some major breakthroughs

In rocko research.

This is it, son.

The heat ray!

With this device

I'll be able to rid my life of rocko

And his meddling friends forever.

No more baseballs on the front lawn

No more spunky in my salmon bushes.

Best of all, no more rocko!

[Laughing]

But, dad, I just want to get rid of the studio

Andwacky delly.

I don't want to hurt rocko.

Oh.

Well, in that case, if my calculations are correct

We just fire a beam degrees north by northwest.

After refracting off one of my rocko surveillance satellites

This split beam should strike the earth's polar caps.

The melted ice should send a wall of water

Straight for hollowood

Erasing bighead studios andwacky delly...

[Laughing]

From existence!

Thanks, dad.

[Beeping]

Heffer: ♪ wacky delly, yeah

♪ Wacky delly, yeah

♪ Sal and cheese are good...

[expl*si*n]

[Grunting]

Hey!

"Flood destroys all shows exceptwacky delly"?!

[Groans]: oh!

[Crowd clamoring]

It's him!

It's him!

Hello!

That show is just genius.

Superb.

Rocko: oh, r.b.

We were just talking about you.

After you finished eating thatfatheadsepisode

Would you like to see this week'swacky delly?

[Gagging, coughing]

Can't you see that I hate this show

And I've been trying to sabotage it

Since day one?

But you keep messing me up.

I want to get out of this business

And makerealart.

Gee, r.b., I think you got it all wrong.

You've been afforded a great opportunity here:

Running your very own animation series.

And everybody loves it.

It's your art.

Don't flee your situation, embrace it.

You should be trying to make this show

The best darn show it can possibly be.

You should be the best ralph bighead you can be!

Yeah, rocko.

Yeah, rocko.

Yeah, rocko.

Yeah, rocko!

I'm going to do it!

I'm going to make the best darn show

This world has ever seen!

And now, the newest episode

Ofwacky delly.

["Chinese dance" from the nutcrackerplaying]

[Buzzer sounds]

Newsreel announcer: wacky dellycanceled.

Highbrow meat goes bad.

[Tires screech]

[Screaming]: you cretins!

You don't know what art is!

I'll show you!

[Country music playing]

Oh, dear gosh.

Let this not be another delirious illusion.

Can it be?

Can it be that I have finally finished my life's masterwork?

Behold!

My masterpiece is complete.

[Crying hysterically]

I'm so happy.

Hey, not bad.

But have you seen wacky delly?

The first season, that is.

Before that new guy ruined it.