02x13 - Short Story/Eyes Capades

[bunniefuu]

(Buzzing )

(Rattling )

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

(Whistling, neon buzzing )

(Splat )

(Screaming )

♪ Rocko's modern life.

Rocko's modern life.



That was a hoot!

(Screaming )

(Screaming, siren blaring )

(Crashing )

Run for your lives-- it's a giant heart att*ck.

(Siren blaring )

Where are you, really, really big man?

Whoa!

Cut it a little close this time.

Get lost, man.

The name's really, really big man.

Look, dork, I'm trying to eat here, do you mind?

It's a good thing I came along then.

You shouldn't be eating pork; it's bad for you.

Here, I'll show you.

Hey.

(Strained heart b*at )

They're clogging up my arteries.

(Birds chirping )

(Splat )

Yay.yay.

So remember, kids, don't do bad things

And maybe bad things won't do one to you, uh, something...

(Voice echoing ): away!

(Splat )

Rocko: "...having disposed of an evil foe with his mighty bigness

Really, really big man returns to the heavens until needed."

Wow, it must be great to be big

To stand tall, to be noticed, to not have to stand on a box.

Yo, munchkin, can you hear me down there?

Can I help you?

Yeah, I want that copy of "yellow frog" up there.

(Grunting )

(Grunting )

Oh...

(Yelling )

(Crash )

Here you are, sir.

Nah, changed my mind.

Just give me a box for these, shorty.

(Snickering )

A box?

Yeah, like that one.

My box? You needmy box?

Look, squirt, just hand it over.

So long, short stuff.

(Snickering )

(Door chime rings )

Hey, kid, seen anybody who works here?

I work here.

You? Okay.

Me and my brothers are in the market

For a book called "snow bunny and the seven short hares."

Got a copy?

Here you go, mate.

All: yee!

Thanks a lot, peewee.

(Door chime rings )

(Clank )

(Door chime rings ) hey, mister.

Get out!

(Antique car horn blows )

No elf is going to call me shorty.

I'm vertically challenged.

I don't need an elf telling me.

Guess rocko left work early; I'll have to dock his pay.

(Door chime rings )

Oh, no, my booster doughnut went flat.

Hi, little guy.

Let me blow that thing up for you.

(Inhales )

(Trumpeting )

There you go.

Thank you.

(Rocko remembering ): can you hear me down there, munchkin?

So long, short stuff.

Thanks a lot, peewee.

I'll have to dock rocko's pay.

(Pop )

(Tires screeching )

(Rocko screaming )

Can't see.

(Mumbling angrily )

(Tires screeching )

(Crash )

(Glass shatters )

(Eerie noises )

(Rocko mumbling, eerie noises )

Spunky...

What are you doing here?

In fact, what am I doing here?

(High-pitched chattering )

(Heavy thudding )

What's that? Spunky, earthquake!

(Thudding )

(Shrieking, antique car horn blowing )

(Thudding )

Euw, I got car all over my boot.

You left that for me to step in, didn't you?

Why, you little pipsqueak, I'll squeeze you like a pimple!

I, I don't think we're in o-town anymore, spunky.

Why don't you watch where you're going

Small fry!

Now I know we're not in o-town.

Uh-oh, now you're going to get it.

(Tinkling )

(Pop )

What's your problem, junior?

Who are you?

I'm tyrone, the big fairy of big land.

Big land?

Give it to him, tyrone.

If this is big land, how come you're so small?

Big things come in small packages, kid.

Being big ain't all it's cracked up to be.

Being short's no picnic, either.

I wish I wasreally big.

(Clang )

Done.

(Clang, tinkle )

(Balloon inflating, stretching ominously )

(Tree branches cracking )

Wow, this is great.

(Whimpering )

Don't be afraid, spunky, it's only me.

(Whimpering, quaking )

There you go, my little pal.

(Gulps )

Smell that fresh air.

(Inhales )

(Plane diving )

Ugh.

Off you go.

(Screaming )

There, no harm done.

It's so great to be big.

(Heavy thudding )

Ahh.

(Inhales )

Lovely.

Ah-choo!

(Wind howling )

(Elephants roaring )

(Heavy thudding )

(Clanging, sun shatters )

Oh, dear.

(Crickets chirping )

(Heavy thudding )

Some view, eh, spunky?

(Siren wailing )

(Sirens blaring, people screaming )

(Thudding )

(Train whistle blows )

Looks like the toy ones, hey, spunky?

(Whimpering )

Man: calling really, really big man.

Come in, really, really big man.

Man (on tv ): maria, este libro, esta tarde.

(Rings )

Hello.

(Clears throat ) yes, this is he.

What's that, you say?

A giant wallaby is terrorizing your town?

I'll be right there.

(Chomping )

Woman: vaya con dios.

This always happens when the good shows are on.

(Crashing )

(Wind whistling )

(Train wheels clacking )

Hey, you large-type monster.

Yes?

(b*llet ricochets )

(Splash )

(Thudding, crashing )

Oops, sorry.

(Creaking )

(Crashing )

There, good as new.

You monsters are all alike.

You march in here and start redecorating.

But, i...

Well, not here, mister.

(Clang )

(Yelling, crashing )

Ow!

Had enough yet?

(Coughing ): ye-yes.

Don't want to fight really, really big man?

No.

What kind of a wimpy monster are you?

I've got monsters waiting in line to...

I'm no monster!

I just wanted to be big.

Hmm.

I've been small all my life, and I finally got my wish.

I thought a -foot wallaby looked a little suspicious.

Say, aren't you that kid from the comic shop?

You were bigger when you were small.

What?

Remember, you saved heffer

By removing that bone from his throat.

Yeah, anyone would have done that.

And that time you gave your only foul ball to that kid?

Hey, are you following me?

That was truly an act of bigness.

And the time you risked your life

To save a busload of orphans from plunging over a cliff?

I never did that.

Oh, yeah, that was mine.

You took pinky, your appendix, for a roller coaster ride

As one of his final wishes.

It's generosity and kindness

That make areal really, really big man.

Right. Uh, can you help me up now?

Uh, nope, sorry, sorry, got to go.

Oh, by the way, your dog's trapped in the sewer.

Spunky's trapped in the sewer?

(Whimpering )

Oh, no, heis gone!

(Whimpering )

(Grunting )

(Whimpering )

(Thudding )

(Whimpering )

I'll save you, little buddy.

It won't fit!

(Barking )

Spunky!

(Whimpering )

Oh, I could save him, if only I weren't so big!

(Tinkling )

What's up, big guy?

I wish I was small again.

Uh-huh.

Take these magic mittens.

Clap them together three times, repeating these words:

I wish I was small.

I wish I was small, I wish I was small, I wish...

(Yelling )

(Splash )

I'm coming, spunky!

(Whimpering )

(Rocko yelling, spunky whimpering )

Spunky, you're okay?

And we're home.

Wow, what a weird dream.

You were in it...

You okay, little guy?

You were there...

And you.

Here's your box back.

And you.

Get back to work, slacker.

And...

Huh.

I've never seen you before.

You're off modeled, kangaroo boy.

Remember, out there in tv land

You don't have to be tall to be really, really big.

(b*llet ricochets, crash )

Really, really big man: away!

Announcer: the jackhammering world is going gonzo for big biff benderhaus

Three-time winner of the golden jack award.

Where does biff go for his jacking needs?

Listen to this unsolicited endorsement:

(As if reading script ): house of jacks is the one, oh, yes.

Smile, point to name.

Announcer: there you have it: that's house of jacks--

Not jacks...

Not jacks...

Butjacks!

Don't miss the regional jackhammer finals this weekend.

Boy, I can hardly wait till saturday.

You've been training like a madman for this competition.

I'm raring to go, I got my eye on the prize.

Think we can get more training in?

I thought I'd train to be a spectator a little longer.

Heff!

Oh, okay, just till dark.

Hey, watch out!

I'm sorry, I didn't see you.

Didn't see him? How could you miss him?

Hmm, you look hungry.

Let me give spunky some supper first.

Hmm, let's see.

How about a big bowl of puppy nuggets?

Um, rocko?

Yes, heff?

You just fed spunky some, uh...

(Popping )

Ah, never mind, let's get to practicing.

Gee, rocko, are you sure your eyes aren't bothering you?

I'm sure, heff. Why?

I don't know, rock...

Last month your figure eights were perfect.

These recent ones are...

Well, not up to your usual quality.

Oh, heff, that's nonsense.

I've just been practicing too hard lately.

I don't know.

You're making too much of this.

Let's get back to work.

Rocko, wait!

Crikey, this rock sure is soft and squishy.

Oh, no, that's me.

Heff!

Actually, I kind of like it.

(Groans )

Gee, I can't believe I almost jacked spunky.

Go to the doctor.

Jackhammering can be dangerous if you can't see.

You're right, heff.

Maybe I should get my eyes checked.

All right

I'll do it.

Here we are, rocko.

Dr. Ipiz matiz.

We got here just in time, rocko

You're blind as a bat.

We bats are sick and tired of these stereotypes.

We got enough problems with the vampire shtick

Without being classified as visually impaired.

Sorry.

(Clang )

Excuse me, ma'am.

Ow.

(Goat bleating )

Sorry, sir.

May I help you, laddie?

I'd like to see the optometrist.

Your eyesight must be bad if you can't...

I'm right in front of you.

Come into the back; we'll have a look at you right away.

Let's start with the old eye chart

Shall we?

Wait right here.

Mmm, I can't read it.

Take a step forward.

No, I still can't.

Take another step forward.

Wow, now I can read it!

L, q, x, squiggly line... M...

Holey moley, laddie, get to the examining room, quick!

Can you make my eyesight better right away?

I've got a big jackhammer competition tonight.

Here, have a seat in the chair.

First, we must dilate your pupils.

There. Now, let's see what the problem is.

(Rattling, clanking )

(Rattling )

Well, that seems to be working well enough.

(Squawking )

(Drum roll )

(Cheers and applause )

(Circus music playing )

(Cheers and applause )

This is an impressive machine; what does it do?

You twist these lenses around and make a food processor.

It makes julienne fries.

But, mostly I use it as another eyesight test.

I'm going to change the lenses.

Tell me if it's better or worse.

Ah...

Ooh, better.

There, that's great.

You sure?

I think it makes me look a little fat.

Well, that's it for the tests.

What's the problem, doc?

Can you help me?

Well, after a thorough exam

It's my professional opinion

That you need... An eye transplant!

An eye transplant?!

Just joshing, you just need glasses.

Glasses?

No big deal, quite normal.

Get this prescription filled, you'll be good as new.

You can jackhammer all you want.

Good luck in the competition.

Oh, thank you.

Well, what did he say?

You were right, heff.

I need glasses.

Man: well, what can we do for you?

Some glasses today?

Of course he wants glasses, you doofus

The question is, what style.

Hmm, yes.

Well, something simple would be...

No, you leave it to us.

When it comes to style

We know what's best.

We knowhaute fromdeclasse

Like nobody's business.

Don't you know it!

First, we must determine the shape of your face.

He looks like round to me.

He's oblong.

Oblong, shmoblong, he's a rectangle, if he's anything.

Rectangle, my eye.

You're stretching him out of shape!

You boobie.

(Rocko's face snaps back )

Let's just try some of these on.

Okey-dokey.

Oh, ho, ho, yes

Tres benjamin franklinesque.

How about industrial motor?

Very durable.

Hasta la vista, boobie!

How droogie.

Rock and roll!

Too cool.

Say the secret word!

Look, these are all very nice

But how much will my insurance cover?

Insurance!

I'm afraid that's going to limit your selection.

Quite a bit.

Which styles can I choose from?

Well, let's see.

Any one of these.

Oh, heff, I feel hokey with these on.

Come on, rock, specs are cool.

See? Look at filburt.

I said no, I don't want my glasses washed.

Oh, for crying out loud, here you go.

Hi, fellas. New glasses?

Rocko's feeling down about his new eyewear.

Give him a pep talk.

Don't worry, rocko, glasses aren't so bad.

Aside from the fact that people call you names

Like "four eyes."

Girls won't go out with you

You're ostracized by every social group

You can't swim with them...

If you lose them, you can't find them...

Oh, fish sticks, I've depressed myself.

I have to go lie down.

Thanks, filburt, I feellots better now.

Oh, well, at least now I can see and get some more training in.

The finals are tonight.

It's no use, my glasses keep falling off.

Here, rocko, try this.

This rubber band will help hold it on your head.

Okay, let's give it a try.

I think it's cutting off the circulation to my brain.

Will you be using your brain during the competition?

(Grunting )

(Panting )

(Glass breaking )

Look, they're broken.

I'll never get a new pair before tonight.

And I can't see well enough to jackhammer without my glasses.

There must be something you can do.

But heff, there's no time.

The competition is only a few hours away.

I've got to think, heff, I'm going to take a walk.

Poor little guy

This competition means a lot to him.

(Call to post plays )

Where is he? It's almost his turn.

Arena announcer: next up in the figure jacking competition--

He's a local boy, so let's really hear it for rocko!

Oh, no, he's not wearing his glasses!

Look out, everyone! He's visually impaired!

Oh, he's off to a nice start.

This is a very ambitious routine for the young wallaby.

And here's his first jump, a triple klutz

And he nailed the landing.

(Cheers and applause )

And now he's going for the very difficult triple thumper doodler

And... He's got it!

He's got to be happy with that.

Listen to the crowd show their approval.

He's finishing with an inverted pebble maker-- nicely done.

And here's his dismount.

(Crowd roaring )

Wow! What a remarkable routine by the plucky little wallaby.

Hey, he didn't maim anyone.

We now wait for the judges' scores...

Wow, look at those scores.

., ., . And a .

But that, of course, from the transylvanian judge.

But it's enough to give the championship to rocko!

Wow, rocko, that was great!

How'd you do it without your glasses?

I didn't.

Huh? I don't get it.

I went back to the optometrist and got contact lenses.

See?

Wow! Let me see!

Cool.

Contacts, huh? That's what I wear.

Biff benderhaus, you wear contacts, too?

That's right, but only when I'm jackhammering.

Otherwise, I wear these.

Why?

Because they make me look intellectual.

Hey, are you an intellectual?

See what I mean?

Why, yes, yes, I am; how can I help you?

Well, I have some questions about nietzsche?

I guess having glasses isn't so bad after all.

Maybe I should get some glasses.

You have problems withyour eyesight?

No, I have problems not knowing who nietzsche is.