01x01 - Sucker for the Suck-O-Matic / Canned

[bunniefuu]

[Nervous chuckle]

Good as new.

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

♪ Rocko's modern life

Rocko's modern life.

Bc spunky!

Spunky!

♪ Rocko's modern life.

Rocko's modern life.



[Laughing]

That was a hoot!

[Thunder crashing]

Rocko: I've had it with you.

You're useless and pathetic

Like a useless and pathetic thing.

This is the last straw

You good-for-nothing heap of rubbish.

Prepare to feel my wrath.

That will teach you.

Hey, man, keep it down.

I'm trying to watch tv.

This place is a pigsty and every time I try to clean up

This cockamamie cleaner goes on the fritz.

There's stuff on the floor

From before I moved in.

[Yelping]

[Machine starting]

Now, where do I begin?

Announcer: next on the home channel

We'll show you how to make your living room more exquisite

Because your living room expresses your personality.

Take a whiff of the delightful, lemon-fresh aroma

Of your cute 'n' cuddly furniture

Your kissing-sweet carpet.

That's the real you.

Spunky, leave that alone.

Oh, spunky, I don't think I'll ever get this place clean.

[Groaning]

Woman #: reporting live from washington, d.c.

The official motorcade is just coming around the corner and...

Oh, my god-- there's a burst of g*nf*re.

Man #: it's the final world series game.

Two outs, bases loaded, three and two count.

There's the pitch!

Man #: there's terror in the streets!

A fleet of alien spaceships are decimating new york city

In one of the most horrific events

In the history of mankind.

Sheesh. A hundred channels and there's nothing on.

Woman #: today on lobot-o-shop

We have hundreds of pert 'n' perky gifts

For you home shoppers.

Mmm.

That's more like it.

First, for toddlers, it's our deluxe tape worm farm.

Your child's heart will melt

When he sees this colony of tape worms

Grinding through a stomach on his toy shelf.

[Someone coughing]

Hey! My show!

[Coughing]

I'm sorry, old friend.

I didn't mean to be cruel to you.

Don't leave me.

I need you.

Wait. It's trying to speak.

What is it, old friend?

[Clearing throat]

Rosebud.

What did he say?

I think he said, "house crud."

Oi. What does that mean?

Hey, rocko!

The tv's working again.

Take a break.

[Sighing]

You know, heffer, sometimes I think

I was destined to exist

In an endless world of filth.

Man: do you sometimes think you were destined to exist

In an endless world of filth?

Well, not anymore--

When you order the incredible suck-o-matic.

[Together:] ooh... Suck-o-matic.

The suck-o-matic is not just a vacuum cleaner.

It's also a tree pruner, ball polisher, answering machine

Boil lancer, pizza oven, defense bunker, and bidet

As well as a crude liposuction machine

And that's not all.

It cleans colons, calculators

Clarinets, couches, cassettes, and other products.

It improves hairstyles, attitudes, bunions, rheumatism

Politics, batting averages

And rids the world of rodents, unwanted nasal hair

And just look at it saw through this steel "i" beam.

So order the suck-o-matic today--

The most help-o-rific household device

On the face of the earth.

Now only $..

[Together:] must buy suck-o-matic.

I want the suck-o-matic

The most help-o-rific household device on earth.

[Doorbell rings]

You order the suck-o-matic--

The most help-o-rific device on earth?

Yes.

Sign here, here, here, here

And initial here-- where do you want it?

Well, i...

I'd like it about here.

Thank you.

Hey, rocko, check out this list of safety warnings.

"Do not use near open flame.

"Do not use in bathtub.

Always clean bug filter after use."

It says here, "when used properly

Suck-o-matic emits comparatively safe levels of radiation."

What?

[Squeaky chewing]

Heffer: say... They wouldn't sell this stuff

If it wasn't safe...

Would they?

I suppose you're right.

I think I found it.

[Engine whining]

Don't look like the one on tv, hef.

Oh, boy!

Where should we start?

Let's start with the carpet.

Look, it is suck-o-zilla!

No one is safe!

We must flee the city!

Let's try this dog-cleaning attachment.

Hold still, spunky.

Gee, maybe we should try the neutering device later.

Hey! It does fireplaces too.

Man: this is your captain speaking.

We are experiencing a little turbulence.

What power.

This is certainly not a toy.

Wha-hoo!

All this sucking is making me hungry.

Let's take a little snack break!

I must cease this senseless sucking.

It's stuck in "suck."

I am the suck-o-matic--

The most help-o-rific device on the face of the earth.

It's got a mind of its own.

Prepare to eject!

[Giggling]

Let's do that again.

[Giggling]

What do we do now?

We're going to return it and get our money back.

I saved the receipt.

[Laughing insanely]

[Belches]

[Heavy breathing]

[Footsteps thudding]

What do we do now?

I know.

Uh-huh-- the manual.

Give it here.

"Congratulations on buying the super suck-o-matic.

If well maintained, it should give you years of serv..."

No, skip ahead.

Index... Cleaning maintenance features...

Man: engineer, I must have more power.

We're being sucked into some kind of cosmic void.

[Screaming]

[Coughing and gasping]

I think it's dead, hef.

Go see if the bag is full.

We'll cover you.

[Humming]

Looks like a potato chip got caught in its throat.

Don't touch it!

Hmm. Barbecue flavor.

My god!

I don't believe it!

Vintage '--

My favorite year.

[Machine starting]

Oh, cobblers!

Hef's been sucked.

Welcome back to the lobot-o-shop network.

Today we have a new line of pert 'n' perky products

We just know you'll want to buy-- right now!

That's right, pick up your phone and order right now.

Do it. Do it. Do it...

[People screaming]

The problem with comic books is

The ink comes off on your hands.

Every time you turn a page, you have to wash your hands.

You turn a page, you wash your hands.

You turn a page, you wash your hands

And then you turn a page...

[Coughing]

Rocko, to the...

[Coughing]

...manager's office.

They've hurt very much

And, um, I'm constantly in a state of wanting to throw up.

You'll never be satisfied with a mortal woman

Because the elf wenches are so beautiful.

You'll spend the rest of your life

Searching for that same beauty again.

Yes.

Wow!

You're an idiot.

Come in.

Manager: ah, ------, come in.

Have a seat.

Good news!

You're being promoted from job title --

To job title --.

But due to volume statistics...

Excuse me, sir, but could I just...

I'm with somebody!

[Crashing]

...and the hiring freeze we're currently experiencing

We have to cut holes in our work force

To eliminate counterproductivity.

Great.

Uh... What does that mean?

You're fired!

[Laughing]

[Still laughing]

No mercy.

[Munching]

[Belching]

[Grinding]

Hey!

Hey, you!

Get out of my salmon bushes!

Get out of my garden

You mangy animal!

Ed...

Come over here and put some sunscreen on my head.

Ed! What, am I talking to myself?

[Spunky whimpering]

You're going to pay

For those salmon bushes and everything else!

Oh, uh...

Heh-heh. Sorry.

Don't worry about mr. Bighead.

He's got a permanent wedgie.

Let's go inside.

Hmm...

Sorry, spunky.

No lockjaw lollies for you.

I lost my job.

[Ringing]

[Ringing]

[Ringing]

Spunky, there has to be a new job here somewhere.

Hmm...

Let's see...

"Tatoo artist wanted."

That sounds interesting.

[Loud growling]

Anything wrong, sir?

No, I'm fine.

Just a little queasy, that's all.

Remember, I want it to cover the roof of my mouth

And look just like the picture

A big can of beans that says gloria on it.

Coming right up, mr. Horny.

[Drilling]

Ow!

Ow, ow, ow!

[Gulping]

Mmm...

Taste like chicken.

Rocko: okay, "plumber's assistant."

Oh, boy, spunky.

Plumbers make a lot of money.

Hey, could you get that?

Thanks a lot.

Hey, could you get that?

Thanks a lot.

Hey, could you get that?

Thanks a lot.

Hmm...

"Specialty phone operator."

I could do that, couldn't i?

Oh, baby! Oh, baby! Oh, baby!

Rocko?

Mrs. Bighead?

Well, spunky, guess this is it.

The last ad.

Huh?

You!

What do you want?

I'm here about the job.

Job?

Why would I give you a job?

Hmm...

Hmm...

Actually, I think I do have something

In the product testing department.

Right this way.

[Man screaming]

This is where

All of conglom-o's fine products are born.

[Man screaming]

Ed: here we go.

Our latest development.

The nosemaster .

Why don't we give it a try, hmm?

Guh!

Give me that!

Hey! Wait a minute.

I don't have a nose!

[Sniffing]

Hey!

[Sniffing]

Try out some of our

New genetically enhancing chewing gum.

Hey, this is really great.

Everyone's going to want one of these.

Shade

All the lovely oxygen

Birds nesting.

This is terrific.

That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

[Gasps]

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Here's an amazing device--

The dial-a-doo brings the consumer

A variety of hairstyles without the hassle

Of going to the salon.

Let it work its magic for you.

Oh, terrific.

Do you like it?

Oh! Thatisamazing.

Wow! A juicer.

All: hurray!

Quit playing around, you miserable...

Give me this!

Cool. A buzz cut.

This is our test

Animal enclosure.

You're trying our newest invention.

It's so new, it's untested.

[Coughing]

Say your prayers, kid.

[Chuckles]

Oh, I can't watch.

[Chuckling]

All: hurray!

Can I get you anything?

You're fired!

Get away from me!

I hate my life.

What the..?

A new comic book store!

Turn a page, wash your hands.

Turn a page, wash your hands.

Turn a page, wash your hands.

Does your miserable, little store

Carry the five-volume set ofnuclear swan?

I'm double-parked, and I have a customer waiting.

Oh, boy!

No, I'm okay.

Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

Have you got it or not?

Why don't you give me a pack of gum as well?

Gum?

Here we are, mate.

One stack of comics and one pack of gum.

Mm, well, thank you very much.

Well, no, no, I'm okay.

Uh, oh, boy!

Ow!

Ow!

[Screaming]

All: hurray!

Man: cut!

That's it, boys.

We don't need you for the end.

Oh, oh, okay. So we're done?

Yeah. If we need you next week

We'll call you.

Okay, bye.

Bye-bye. Take care.

Should I just leave the costumes here?

Yeah, yeah. Wardrobe will pick those up.

You've, uh... You've got my resume, right?

Yes! Yes!

We'll call you!

Okay.

Thanks. Bye.

Okay, charlie, k*ll the lights.