01x21 - The Birthday Boy

[bunniefuu]

♪

Hold on, bro.

Spot inspection.

Go ahead, the rest pass for now.

Remember I told you I had a

surprise?

Yeah?

Voilà.

Aw, dude, you shouldn't have.

They're not for you, man.

They're for the customers.

Yeah, but this is meat.

You really think I can sell it

as a Valentine's Day present?

Are you kidding?

This is a very stress-inducing

holiday.

Trust me, people will buy

anything in a heart-shaped box.

I don't know, dude.

[Spurs jangling]

Well, I'll take one of those,

partner.

JONESY: Excellent choice,

sir.

That'll be $ .

[Gasping]

Well, giddy up.

Eh?

That guy just gave you

bucks.

Nope, he gave you bucks,

minus bucks for the idea.

Told ya, dude, it's Valentine's

Day.

So you gonna ask anyone out

tonight?

Yup, Nikki.

All right.

Carpe diem,dude.

What?

Carpe diem,it's Latin for

"seize the fish."

Right.

Well, you know, underneath all

those biting insults and

scathing putdowns lies a pretty

hot chick.

[Laughing]

Just promise you won't all

follow us around on our date

like you did last time.

Yeah, okay.

Easy, bro, I need those to

fill up the rest of the hearts.

Now you're getting it.

Uh-oh, angry cowboy, : .

This ain't chocolate, son.

No, it's the other chocolate:

pork.

It's a new trend in candy.

Oh, sure, uh, I-I heard about

that.

You don't sell flowers, do you?

Sure, $ , bro.

Dude, nicely done!

[Chuckling]

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Starting to find my way

♪ Got a new job

♪ Gonna start at

the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen

♪ Got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

[Slurping]

Hey, I'm not done!

Yes, you are.

Shh!

Hi, I'm confirming a table for

tonight.

The name is Wyatt.

[Speaking Japanese over phone]

Yes, I know I confirmed

yesterday.

[Speaking Japanese over phone]

Now that's your most romantic

booth, right?

[Speaking Japanese]

[Line disconnects]

Hello, hello?

Sounds serious, lover boy.

Check it out:

I've got dinner reservations,

a nice card and long-stemmed

roses lined up for Serena.

Aw, that's the sweetest!

Dude, you're so in.

Oh, please!

Should I get chocolates, too?

Or is that overkill?

Why don't you hire a plane to

write her a message in the sky?

Yeah, how about "I'm a total

wuss."

[Laughing]

Sorry.

Come on, guys, it's sweet.

He's just showing her that she's

special.

Yeah, with every cliché in

the book.

Seriously, dude, you don't

pull out the entire arsenal in

one date.

Save something for when you

screw up.

Well, I think he should do

what's in his heart.

[Clearing throat]

Hmm.

Uh...

I'm down with V Day too, you

know.

Oh, really?

Who's the lucky lady?

Couldn't find one, so I'm

asking you.

So, wanna chill and catch a

flick?

Gee, I'm flattered, but no

thanks.

[All sighing]

No to me or no to the movie?

No to tonight.

I don't go out on Valentine's

dates.

Oh, never?

Too many bad experiences.

Oh, are you talking about the

time that guy scanned your face

onto the naked Cupid and put it

up all over the school?

Or the time you got food

poisoning at the Valentine's

dance and had to be rushed to

Emergency?

Right, 'cause Richard

Gooberman gave you chocolate

creams that were a year old.

He could have warned me.

Little science creep.

You really do have bad luck

on Valentine's.

Not anymore.

This year I'm having an anti-

Valentine's Day non-celebration.

A heart-shaped anything embargo,

if you will.

Right.

Well, this has been helpful.

Where are you going?

To buy Serena some

heart-shaped chocolates before


my shift.

Sucker.

So seriously, Freaky Casual

Fridayis playing tonight.

I'm not going out with you on

Valentine's Day so forget it.

How can you be alone on the

scoring-est night of the year

when you could be with the

scoring-est guy?

Oh, it's a sacrifice, all

right.

I don't know how I'll live with

myself.

I'm just saying--

Despite popular belief, you

don't have to be "scoring" on

February th to have fun.

Besides, I'm not going to be

alone.

You're not?

No, I'm gonna kick it with

the girls.

Right, girls?

Huh?

CAITLIN: Oh, you play rugby?

Cool.

So do you play it on, like, a

big rug?

[Grunting]

[Laughing]

She's joking.

We love rugby.

Jen, what are you doing?

Shh!

We might have some dates for

tomorrow night.

Oh, great.

Whatever you have is catching.

Valentine's fever.

Hmm, I think I just got me an

idea.

♪

Dark chocolate or milk

chocolate?

Huh?

[Laughing]

So then the guy asks me which

CD is more romantic, the

classical guitar or the pan

flute?

Ew.

Exactly.

He's probably a normal guy, but

on Valentine's Day they turn

into these mushy, gushy freaks.

Mm-hm.

It's all, "Hey, baby, here's

your requisite flowers and

chocolates, again."

Ha, nice effort.

Ha, yeah, real original.

[Both laughing]

What have I done?

She's going to hate

everything I got her.

JONESY: Dude, slow down.

I think you're over-thinking

this.

I think I'm not.

I don't want to blow this date.

I still can't believe she said

yes.

Just looking at that hair, that

smile, it just does something to

me, you know?

Weird kids.

Okay, so we struck out.

No biggie.

We are not going to be dateless

losers for Valentine's Day.

Totally not.

JEN: Ooh, hello.

You're gonna try to get a

greeter god to go out with us?

BOTH: Hey, welcome to

Albatross & Finch.

My friend and I have a

question.

Do you and your friend have

plans for tomorrow night?

BOTH: Mm, not for you.

It's an image thing.

You understand.

Ooh!

Jerk!

What are you up to now?

Bid here to win a dream date

with Jonesy.

I don't think anyone would pay

to go out with me.

There are tonnes of lonely

chicks without dates on

Valentine's Day.

With my qualifications, I could

make a fortune.

I'm taking one lucky lady out on

a romantic night at the mall.

Dinner, dessert, a movie of her

choice, and if she's real hot,

maybe a kiss.

I'm sure it will be a

night to remember.

Okay, let's say you got dinner

reservations, flowers, and

chocolates for someone and you

found out they thought all that

stuff was stupid.

I'd save yourself the cash

and cancel it all, bro.

Me too.

It's like, why buy a bone for a

dog who has no teeth.

Uh, yeah.

I've gotta run.

I've got some damage control to

do.

♪

Hi-ya!

[Grunting]

[Phone dialling]

[Phone ringing inside]

Oh, I have a table for two

reserved for--

[Hiro speaking Japanese]

Yes, it's Wyatt Williams.

[Hiro speaking indistinctly]

No, actually, ha, funny story.

[Hiro speaking Japanese]

I'd like to cancel.

HIRO: You are most

dishonourable!

I make a shrimp roll out of

you!

[Yelling]

Hi, ha.

About those flowers...

I said I'm sorry.

Sheesh, it's just roses.

This is not going well at

all.

I can't believe we even

struck out at the arcade.

And most of those guys were .

Hello, ladies.

Can I interest you in some

half-priced stereo wires?

GIRLS: Hmm.

Get out of my way, I saw him

first.

It was my idea to get us dates.

Oh, ha, ha, easy, ladies.

There's plenty of Darth to go

around, ha, ha.

What are we doing?

We've got to get a grip.

We're not that desperate.

You're right.

Nikki is so better than Darth.

[Sighing]

They have a point.

Win a dream date with Jonesy.

Sure, he's got his faults.

He's kind of selfish and he's

cheap.

Jude!

What?

Keep it positive.

Oh, sorry, dude.

Win a dream date with Jonesy!

It's better than being alone!

Hey, Wyatt, were you able to

bail on your plans for Serena?

Yeah, thanks.

So how many dates you got so

far?

None, can you believe it?

How much is the starting

bid?

$ .

You may want to consider

lowering your price a bit.

What do you think?

bucks.

Yeah, .

bucks?

This is me you're talking about.

Oh, I get it.

Start the bidding low, build up

a bit of Jonesy mania, right?

Something like that.

So, ready to spring all your

Valentine's Day plans on Serena?

Oh, I'm not doing those

things anymore.

Even returned the mushy card.

You cancelled the

reservations too?

Yeah, and to think I came

this close to blowing it.

Are you sure that's a good

idea?

Completely.

I heard her tell Charmaine she

thinks Valentine's Day gifts are

lame.

Hold on, you didn't believe

that, did you?

You can't just believe

everything you hear girls say.

You can't?

No.

It's like when a girl says

nothing's wrong.

Something is definitely

wrong.

So what you're saying is

girls don't always say what they

mean.

BOTH: Oh, no.

Do guys?

Yes!

Okay, are you two not saying

what you really mean now?

BOTH: No!

Oh, man.

Time to damage control the

damage control.

I have to rebook that dinner

reservation.

HIRO: You have reached Super

Terrific Sushi.

If this is Mr. Wyatt, leave us

alone!

[Gasping]

Yo, Jonesy check it out.

Two hotties, : .

Would either of you ladies

like to place a bid?

Ha, ha, okay.

Now that's more like it.

HIRO: How dare you come in

here?

I make sushi out of your

intestines!

Okay, okay!

Sorry, we're fully booked.

Are you serious?

Valentine's Day is tomorrow,

you know.

[Sighing]

♪

Slow day at the mall.

I'm sure things will pick up

after : .

Yeah.

Look alive.

Cougar on approach.

Uh...

Can I place a bid, boys?

Of course you can.

[Grunting]

[Gulping]

See you tonight.

Oh, I'm a genius.

So I guess it's just gonna

be you, me and Nikki tonight.

Caitlin, I've got an idea.

Faint.

What?

Fall on the floor, now!

Faint.

[Sighing unenthusiastically]

Help, someone just fainted!

[Laughing]

Are you all right?

Don't move.

Woo, ha!

I feel much better now.

Thanks, guys.

It's not too late to place a

bid for a dream date, Jen.

I already got one, thanks.

I meant a live one.

JUDE: Dude, : .

[Gasping]

Hey, boys.

I've never been on a Valentine's

date before.

[Sneezing]

[Gasping]

Are you sure you want to bid

this much?

I mean, I'm actually pretty

boring and a jerk.

bucks puts you at the top

of the bidding.

See you tonight.

We have to find someone to

outbid her, fast.

Nikki, did we score the best

date for Valentine's or what?

Uh, you do realise he's

cardboard, right?

So?

He's cute, available and he

won't say anything stupid.

Point taken.

Buy the man a soda.

I'm toast.

No reservations left?

Not even Wonder Taco.

Yup, you're toast.

Valentine's is the only

legitimate excuse to come right

out and show your affection.

Any other date would just be

humiliating.

So true.

I gave flowers to this girl once

on Bastille Day and she laughed

at me.stille Day and she laughed


Nice effort, though, dude.

Thanks, man.

What am I gonna do for

Serena?

[Spurs jangling]

You'll think of something.

Wh-what you doing there, Mac?

Placing a bid.

I'll see you later.

[Clicking tongue]

[Both laughing]

No, no, no.

That doesn't count.

Sure it does.

There's no sign anywhere that

says girls only.

You can be shut down by the

government if you discriminate

against dudes, dude.

[Moaning]

[Both laughing]

Mmm.

You know what?

This isn't so bad.

I told you.

[Belching]

[Girls laughing]

I love chicken wings, but I

would so never eat them in front

of a date.

Shh, you're gonna hurt his

feelings.

Hey, I think Jason wants more

ice cream.

[All laughing]

♪

WYATT: Think, Wyatt, think.

Cool Valentine's gift.

Hey, Wyatt, what was the name

of that reggae group I like

again?

Toots and the Maytals.

Right, thanks.

[Gasping]

That's it.

JEN: Okay, being single on

Valentine's Day kind of rocks.

[Belching]

And you can pig out.

And you don't have to blow

money on stupid presents.

You know the one thing that

would make this perfect?

New outfits?

No, if we could get Jason

here to fetch us more food.

Yeah.

Nice.

I better go.

I want all the details in the

morning.

[Laughing]

So, ready for our date?

Okay, I have something for

you.

It's not fancy reservations or

anything, but here.

It's a CD?

Not just any CD.

You know how you love all those

songs that I spin, but never

know who sings them?

I b*rned them all onto one disc

for you.

No way.

That's the coolest Valentine's

gift I've ever got.

Really?

Definitely.

Were you planning this all

along?

Oh, ha, not too long.

Okay, so I know it's cheesy

and totally unoriginal, but I

couldn't resist.

It's so...cute.

I know, kind of dorky, huh?

No, I love him.

Wanna get out of here?

I know a great hot dog stand

where you don't need

reservations.

Sounds good.

Okay, there's still time for

a girl to outbid this dude,

right?

Yeah, minutes.

[Whistling nearby]

[Clicking tongue]

[Whimpering]

[Coughing nearby]

Hey, boys.

[Sneezing]

I need some bids over here.

[All sighing]

Caitlin, Jen, Nikki, Jonesy's

running out of time over here.

Actually, this might be the

best entertainment of the whole

evening.

Come on, I thought we were

friends.

Pass me the chips.

Seven minutes left and the

taco chick's got the lead.

[Yelping]

I'm begging you.

Come on.

[Growling like a cat]

What could you possibly want

with me?

I'm into chicks!

JULIE: I'm a chick.

Aren't there any hot chicks

in need of a date tonight?

[Gasping]

Hi there, gorgeous.

Hi.

You're in luck.

Lots of time to win a date with

the Jones-meister.

You don't remember my name,

do you?

Sure, I do.

Hot dog...vendor girl.

[Grunting]

bucks?

Looks like Jonesy's all yours.

So what would you like to do

tonight?

Sky's the limit.

Let's see.

In honour of you never calling

me back after we dated, I was

thinking we could start with a

chick flick marathon.

Then you'll put on my prom dress

and tell the world what a jerk

you are on the Jumbo Screen.

And after that, my dog, Princess

Fluffy, needs a pedicure.

[All laughing]

All that because I forgot

your name?

I never knew your name.

One minute left.

This bid should lasso me the

grand prize.

[Yelping]

Back off, cowboy.

He's mine.

I was bidding on him before

you.

Would you all excuse me for a

minute?

[Girls laughing]

Quite the predicament you've

gotten yourself into.

You've gotta help me.

I do?

Fifty seconds!

You are so not helping, dude.

Yes, you do.

Ah, gee, I wish I could help.

But I already have my dates for

the evening.

I know you hate Valentine's

Day, but this is an emergency.

I might have to go on a date

with a dude on a horse.

Thirty, , --

Jude!

All right, but on two

conditions.

Anything you want.

That the bid I make doesn't

actually have to be paid.

But that means I will have

done all this work for nothing.

You didn't actually think I'd

pay to hang out with you, did

you?

Fine, what else?

You have to do anything I

tell you for the whole evening.

You are a cold, cold chick.

Do I hear a "Yes, Nikki"?

ALL: , , .

[Clearing throat]

Yes.

Pardon?

Yes!

Be right back, girls.

$ , ?

Whoa, that's a little rich

for my blood.

Well, go big or stay home,

girlfriend.

You do know he's a jerk,

don't you?

Yeah, but I love that about

him.

Auction closed.

And the winner is...

[Mimicking drum roll]

Nikki!

Huh!

JONESY: Yes!

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Nicely done.

Thanks, Nik.

I owe you big-time.

You can start paying me back

right now.

Let's "locomote."

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...

♪

Enough!

Time for our back massages.

It'll look like we're with

Jason instead of just Jonesy.

Hey, I had a bid of $ , you

know.

Just shut up and look cute.

[Gasping]

RON: What's going on here?

BOTH: Nothing.

This individual has a mask on

without carrying a costume

permit.

We're just humiliating

Jonesy, see?

Please, please help me.

Carry on.

[Girls laughing]

g*ng way, my back teeth are

floating!

Not letting him go to the

bathroom during the movie was

kind of mean.

What if we needed liquorice

and he wasn't there?

Good point.

JEN: Aw.

CAITLIN: That's so cute.

NIKKI: Ew, they both have

mustard on their noses.

What are you looking at?

Get us some napkins and make it

snappy.

[Groaning]

Eat up, ladies.

Ah, a good man is hard to find.

But if you can buy one for free,

I highly recommend it.

Oh, yeah.

Got that right, sister.

[Sighing]

What's with him?

Dude thinks he's in love.

Guys, you do not know

happiness until you've had a

date like I had last night.

It was heaven.

You know who I really feel

sorry for?

The girls who placed a bid and

didn't get to go out with me.

Oh, gentlemen, don't throw

that booth out too quickly.

I'm starting to like Valentine's

Day.

Yeah, last night was fun,

Jonesy.

Does this mean I'm finally

gonna score a kiss?

Don't hold your breath.

These lips won't wait

forever, baby.

[Both laughing]

♪