01x02 - The Tale of Laughing in the Dark

[bunniefuu]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[GIRL] The park was called
Playland, and it was the best.

You could laugh and scream
and get scared to death on rides

and stuff up on junk food
and ditch your parents...

all in one night.

And there was a spook house
called Laughing in the Dark.

Aaarrr!

- Aah!
- Aah!

- Aah!
- Aah!

- Ha ha ha ha ha!
- That's all. I'm gone!

- [FRANK] What's the matter?
- I was just getting started.

This is a clown story.
I hate clowns.

They're creepy. They give me
nightmares. Where's my thermos?

Oh, I heard of that.
They call it Bozophoebia.

Guess we finally found somethng
wrong with Miss Perfect.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Hey, I didn't say it.

Go ahead.
Do your worst.

Go on, Beth.
Let's see if she can handle it.

Here.

- Start for real this time.
- OK.

Submitted for the approval
of the Midnight Society,

I call this story...

If was Friday night,
and Playland was jammed.

For thousands of kids,
it had everything they wanted,

but for one kid,
it had just a little too much.

- Man, that was cool.
- I know.

Man, that was awesome!

Don't give me that.
You almost hurled.

Did not.

So why were you
screaming, "Stop the rides!"?

'Cause Kathy was scared.

Was not.
You were gonna barf!

You snitch. Maybe I should
barf right now... on you.

- [BARFING SOUND]
- Eew!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Hoo hoo hoo!

- You ever been there?
- No.

Ah ha ha ha!
Let's go in.

- What's the matter?
- I'm not goin' in there.

- They say it's really haunted.
- Gimme a break!

I heard the same thing.

Weird things happen in there.

Something to do with a clown.

Weegee, it's a kiddie ride!

I can see your twerpy
siste bein' chicken,

but you? Come on!

- I'm not a twerpy chicken!
- That's uh-- [SNIFFS]-- funny.

Smells a little foul to me.
Cluck cluck cluck!

Both of you are chicken.
Cluck cluck awk!

Cluck cluck! Ha ha.

Excuse me, lad!

Don't believe in old Zeebo, eh?

- Who are you?
- I run this place, I do.

And he's in there, all right...

just waitin'...

pick the right door,
and you'll go free.

Pick the wrong door,
and there he'll be.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- Care to give it a go?
- Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Comin' in,
Mr. Brave young lad?

Uh... maybe another time.

Suit yourself.

I'll be here.
I'm always here.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- You OK?
- What? Fine. I'm fine.

Noy thinking of all the nightmares
you're gonna have tonight?

Oh, man,
give here a break.

Keep goin', Beth.

Yeah! What kinda stranger
stuff happened inside the ride?

Well, that's what
the kids wanted to know,

especially weegee.

Most of this is pretty boring.

It's all pretty boring,
if you ask me.

- We didn't ask you.
- But then I found this.

"Cagey Clown Caught in Calamity."

The Laughter in the Dark
spook house isn't the original.

There was another one on
the same spot back in the s.

- Yeah, so?
- So, in the circus came to town

and set up a new Playland.

One of their clowns, some dude
named Zeebo, was a foul ball.

'The clowen known as Zeebo

"stole the whole entire circus
payroll of $,." Wow.

He got caught, though,
and the chased him into Playland.

He ran into the spook house,

and he would have
gotten away, except...

- The cigar!
- Cigar?

Zeebo smoked cigars.

The police figured he threw
one away in the spook house,

because the whole place
caught fire with him inside.

"The fire spread quickly,

"and attempts to rescue
Zeebo were futile.

Tragically, the clown perished
into the inferno."

Eew.

Ha. Smoking's bad
for your health.

A couple years later, they build
another Laughing in the Dark

and make a spooky dummy
of Zeebo to scare everyone.

Legend has it that--

Legend has it the ghost
of Zeebo is still there...

Trapped... for all time.

- Exactly.
- I bet I know why, too.

Why?

I bet he likes to trap
small children inside

and tickle them!

Tickle, tickle, tickle!

Here comes Zeebo
to tickle you!

Josh!

Don't mess,
or I'll bing you in the head.

- Lighten up, will ya, Josh?
- Me? You guys are the feebs.

You really think
there's a ghost clown

hanging around
in some dumb old ride?

Kids have seen and
heard things in there.

It's a spook house, lameball.
It's supposed to be spooky.

You gotta be some kind
of doofus to think it's real.

Aah!
Boo!

You don't see me gettin'
scared of that junk.

Yeah? If you're so brave,
why didn't you go in?

In fact, I dare you to go in.
Alone.

Why should I?

'Cause I think you're just
as chicken as we are.

You just don't want to admit it.

You're gonna eat those words.

How are we gonna make sure
he goes all the way inside?

You're not, twerp.
Unless you wanna come with me.

She's right.

You could just hang inside
the door and never go through.

Tell ya what, gutless.

Not only am I gonna go
through this while place alone,

but when I find
the dummy clown,

I'm gonna steal his nose.

ANd you're gonna wear it
to school for a week.

No way.

Hey, I thought you were
so sure I couldn't do it.

What's the matter, Weegee?
You gettin'... chicken again?

You get it, I'll wear it.

Now I'm gonna show you guys

how stupid it is being
scared of this place.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Sorry, m'lad.
I didn't mean to scare ya!

- Gonna give it a go, huh?
- Yeah.

Yeah, why not?

Why not, indeed?

It's the most fun in the park
when you're Laughtin' in the Dark.

Get a grip, Josh.

Ha.

Ha ha ha.
Look at me, I'm Zeebo.

# Zeebo, Zeebo #

Ha ha.
Hand over the dough.

What do you think I am,
some kinda clown?

Ha.

- [GASPS]
- Ha ha ha ha ha!

What do you think I am,
some kinda clown?

Maybe we shouldn't let him
go in there all alone.

No. He deserves this.

I know it's you, old man.

You can't scare me.

[SNIFFS]

Cigars?

Pick the right door,
and you'll go free.

Pick the wrong door,

and there he'll be.

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]

Kiss this place goodbye.

If I don't get that nose,
I'm dead meat.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Aah!

It's only a dummy.

A dummy. A fake...

dummy.

- Ha ha ha ha ha!
- No!

You're an idiot, Josh.

A plastic dummy can't hurt you.

Stop bein' such a wuss
and just do it!

[SQUEAK]

Ha. Ha ha!

All right.

Thanks, Guy.
You just made me a hero.

I'm the guy who beat Zeebo.

Ha ha ha.

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]

Hope you can still smell your
stinky cigars without your nose.

I got a cramp.

I don't think so.
Oh, come on.

Give up, Kristen.
You can't take it.

[SMALL VOICE]
I'm fine. Keep going.

OK.

Well, Josh was pretty cocky before,
but after he stole Zeebo's nose,

he was uncontrollable.

Weeg, it's you.

The guys at school
are gonna think so, too.

[SISTER GIGGLES]

- Not funny.
- Sorry.

After you get through wearing it,
I'm gonna get it mounted like a trophy.

- Oh. Please!
- Then I'm gonna get it engraved.

"The Kid Who Beat Zeebo."
Cool or what?

Come on.
You have have been

a little scared in there.

No way! I'm telling you,
it's all kid stuff

with fake dummies
and bogus sound effects.

Of course, it, uh, might have
been scary for some people,

people that say,
"cluck cluck cluck!"

Enough, all right?

You're a hero,
and I'm a loser.

What can I say?

Now, now.
Let's not be bad sports.

Besides, you look much better
with the nose on.

I'll get it for ya.

He's such a snot.

Come on.

[SNIFFS]

Cigars?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I'm home! Mom? Dad?

"I bet you forgot Dad and
I had theater tickets tonight."

She's right.

"Plate of spaghetti in the freezer
and chocolate pudding in the fridge.

"Don't stay up too late
playing video games.

See you. Love, Mom."

[CREAKING]

[RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]

Mom?

Dad?

Dad, is that you?

If somebody's in there,
you better show yourself

or you're gonna get beaned!

Aah!

Good thing Weegee
can't see me now.

[PHONE RINGS]

Oh, man!
What is wrong with me?

[RING]

Hello?

- Hey, Josh. This is Weegee.
- Yeah, Weeg. What's up?

Listen, I, uh... I was kinda
being a baby this afternoon.

You won the bet and
I shouldn't be mad at you.

That's OK.
I was giving you a hard time.

Tell you what.

I'll only make you wear
the nose to school for one day.

I was kinda hoping
you'd forget it completely.

You're a dreamin', pal.
Tomorrow's Zeebo day for you.

Ha ha ha. Later.

[RING]

One day's the best I'm gonna do.

[SCRATCHY VOICE]
Give it back.

Give it back!
Ha ha ha ha ha!

No way, Weegee.
You're not scarin' me.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

It's a joke.
He's trying to get me.

I'll show him.
I'm not scared.

He can't scare me with kid stuff.

There's no such thing
as Zeebo the Clown.

[DIGGING THROUGH SILVERWARE]

No way.
I'll just eat dinner.

- And--
- [SILVERWARE CLATTERS]

[SIGHS]
Oh, grow up, Josh!

Oh!
How can that burn so fast?

[SNIFFS]
Cigar smoke?

Aah!

Aah!

- Come on. Come on.
- Hello?

Weegee, this is Josh.
I'm--

-Josh? Slow down.
- Tell me the truth.

Did you call my house before
and you pretend you were Zeebo?

[LAUGHS] Whoa,
what's the matter, Josh?

- You sound kinda scared.
- I'm not.

Yeah, OK, OK.
I'm scared.

I was scared on the ride,
and I'm really scared now.

- Was that you?
- Give me a break. Why would I--

- [CLICK]
- What was that? Is that you, Kathy?

Put down the phone.

Josh, we only have one phone.

It's gotta be at your house.

[SCRATCHY VOICE]
If ya don't give it back,

I'll come up and get it!

[WEEGEE]
Who was that?!

Josh, you there?

[POP!]

Forget it. I'm gone.

[SQUEEEE-AK]

OK. I shouldn't
have taken your nose.

I'm sorry.

There.
It's all yours.

And, uh...

just to show there's
no hard feelings,

cigars. Ha.

All for you.

[SQUEEEEE-AK]

[SQUEAK]

[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

It's the most fun in the park...
when you're Laughin'...

in the Dark!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

The End.

So it was the crazy
old guy all along.

No way. He couldn't have done
that stuff in the house.

Maybe the old guy
was really Zeebo's ghost.

Yeah!

So what do you think, Kristen?

Is Zeebo gonna pay you
a visit tonight?

Sorry, Kiki. I did it.

I sat through the whole story,
and I'm OK.

What do you say to that?

I'd say that's a good thing,

because we wouldn't want you
having nightmares, would wet?

Aah!

Meeting adjourned.