01x01 - Let's Play Doctor

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Scare PewDiePie". Aired: February 10 – April 6, 2016.*
PewDiePie encounters terrifying situations and sets inspired by his favorite survival horror video games he previously played on his YouTube channel. (Thanks for the shout-out PewDiePie! We appreciate it!! :))
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01x01 - Let's Play Doctor

Post by bunniefuu »

- [screaming] Ohh--
bloody think that's fun!


I'm not having this!

How's it going, bros?

PewDiePie.

Pew--
Pew--

Pew--Pew--
PewDiePie.

You're about to watch me

get the absolute sh*t
scared out of me...

- Ah!
- Oh, my God!

Ah!
Oh, what the f*ck?

As I try to play, win,

survive the most insane
live horror games ever.

Let me out!

This show takes
what I already do,


getting scared of horror games,

but taking it
to the next level.


[chain saw revving]

Oh, hell no!

A really f*cked up level.

- [roars]
- God!

Ah!
Oh, this is not cool, man!

[screams]

Ah! Ahh!

[high-pitched scream]

And here's the crazy part,

I signed up for this.

- You know the routine.

- No!
- Sorry.

- f*ck you.

What the f*ck is this?

Eh!

I have no idea
what is going to happen.

Ahh!

This is really f*cking creepy.

This is f*cking stupid.

Or who is going to do it
with me.

We're here together, guys.
We can do this!

So if you love watching me,
PewDiePie,

get scared shitless...

Oh, no!
Ah!

Ah!

You're gonna love
"Scare PewDiePie."

This is gonna be safe, right?

Ah!
Ah!

No!

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

[electronic video game music]

♪ ♪

- So we're outside
Felix's house.

We're gonna pick him up.

[buzzer sounds]

Oh!
- Sorry.

- That's all right.

Hey, man.
- Hey.

We're starting right away.

- Yeah, it's already started.

How you doing, man?
- Good.

Good, good.

We thought we'd start the day

with a little behind-the-scenes.

- All right.
- All right?

So, Felix, this is Nikki.

She's a big fan.
- Nice to meet you.

- It's so nice to meet you.
- Awesome.

- I, like, love you.
I think you're--

- Oh, stop it.

- So, um, all right.
- Got it!

- So she's gonna help us out.

She's a PA, and--
- Cool.

- Anything you want,
I will be of service.

- All right.
- Great. All right.

Thanks, Nikki.

Um, all right, we got that?
All right.

So we should get you
mic'd up.

Or you want to just
step outside.

- I can help him.

- You should just step out here.

Yeah, go next to David.
All right?

Um, so this is the beginning
of your time in L.A.

- Yeah.

- That's our director.
- How's it going?

- Damon, Felix.
- Good to meet you, Felix.

- Good to meet you.
- I'm Kevin. I'm the EP.

- All right, so I just walked
out of my house

and got mobbed by these guys,
and they're--

I guess we're starting
right away, huh?

No breaks.

- I guess we're gonna tell you
what we're gonna do today.

What do you think's happening?

- Uh, I know I'm gonna meet
someone.

Not you.
- Not me?

- But someone professional?

I mean, that sounded bad--
[laughs]

I'm sorry.

I meant like a doctor
or something.

- Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Today is gonna be a lot
of over-filming

because it's our first sort of
behind-the-scenes moment,

and we're not filming any
game play until tomorrow.

- Yeah.
- So you ready to go?

- Yeah, yeah.

- You have your wallet for the--

ID and all that stuff
for the doctors?

- Yeah, I do.
- I think we're good to go.

- Awesome.
- Great. Let's go to the van.

- All right. Sweet.

[percussive electronic music]

♪ ♪

- How's it going, bros?

My name is PewDiePie.

Was that good?

That was pretty good.
- That was good.

- That was amazing.

- All right, Felix,
tell us what's going on

in your mind right now.

Um, being in L.A., Hollywood,
it's cool.

I actually got mobbed
by paparazzi when I came in.

I don't know why.

- It's 'cause you're so
handsome.

- Oh, stop it.

- Do they mob you--

- You're here to, like,
boost my ego, I get it.

- No, it's true!

[laughter]

This is, like, the job
of my life.

[laughter]

[dramatic music]

- I love L.A.
It's such a cool city.

It's so big,
and I feel lost.

I feel small.

- Well, L.A. can do that.
- Well, you're not small.

- Okay, thank you.

There's that reassuring again.

- You're huge.
- Okay.

Thank you.

- How would you assess
your physical

and mental prowess right now?

- Well, everyone knows

I got the gamer muscles going.

- That's hot.
- Pretty fit.

I could probably run for, like,
a few minutes.

Mentally, I probably won't last
very long

in stressful situations.

In a horror movie, I'm probably
the first one to go.

I don't remember last time
I went to a doctor.

years ago, maybe.

It's been a long time.

I think it's probably good.

I hope we don't find anything
weird.

[upbeat electronic music]

- Uh, the stethoscope is
something that we should have

for Dr. Winters.

Is the heart rate monitor
installed on Felix?


Okay, good.

His heart rate
has to stay below


beats a minute.

If he goes over that,

the doctor says
the show is too dangerous.


Remember, Felix thinks this is
a real doctor's appointment,


but it's actually game play.

- What do you do
when you're sick?

- We just--
I'm a Swedish Viking.

We just man up and--

- Yeah, you are.

- Uh...

- You're not afraid
of the doctor's, right?

- Nah. No.
No, I'm good.

- What happens if we don't pass?

- If we don't pass,
I'm back to Sweden.

- Well, I mean, it's not "we."
It's you.

- But I thought you guys were--
we're a team.

- I'm on your team. Always.
- Okay. Good.

- You're gonna be perfect.

♪ ♪

- This is the back
of the hospital?

- Yes.
- Okay.

That looks creepy.

[chuckles]
What the f*ck?

Whoa.

[heartbeat pulsating]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct announcement on PA]

- Hello. Hi.

I'm Kevin.

We have an appointment at :
for Felix.

- Oh, great.
- Sorry we're late.

- Okay, great.
- Thank you.

- Oh, good.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi, I'm Kathy.
Are you Mr. Kjellberg?

- Nice to meet you. Felix, yeah.
- Hi.

I'm your medical liaison
for today.

I have some forms for you
to fill out.

Will you--
- Okay.

- If you have any questions,
just let me know.

- All right.
- Okay?

- Okay.

How do I do this?

- Need help?
- No. I'm--

I think I--
Well, so far, so good.

- So far, so good.

- I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

- Bathroom?
- Yeah.

- Is your name Kjellberg?

I think it's gonna be "no" on,
like, everything.

- [giggles]

Well, 'cause you're perfect.

You're like a unicorn.

- A unicorn.
I like that.

- And you're my unicorn.

All right,

so you want to put
your name here.

- Okay.

- And you--yeah.
- No, I can do it.

- Like, right here.

[heartbeat pulsating]

[Felix chuckles]

- You have the best hair
I've ever seen.

- No, I don't.

- [laughs] You do!

You smell so good.
- Oh, thank you.

[heartbeat pulsates rapidly]

- Nikki,

can you just let him
fill it out?

- What?

- It's private information.
- What? He's my friend.

- [chuckles]

- Nikki--
- What--

- Um--
- He's not your friend.

- I agree,
this is private stuff.

- It's private stuff.
- Yes.

- You're completely
messing up my--

- What?
- You're messing everything up.

- All right, you know what?
Come with me.

You don't talk like that.
Let's go.

- Kevin.
- Yeah, well, come here.

- No, this is so f*cked up.

You just completely ruined
my whole life.

Thanks for nothing.

No, f*ck--

What the f*ckin' A?

How the f*ck am I gonna get out
of here?

I don't even want to be--
Jesus.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- All right.
[chuckles]

- I just didn't want her
looking at you--

You know, it's like
personal space.

- I think it was--
Oh, no.

- I--

I don't know if
I used those words,

but I was like--

- Oh, I didn't say--

- I-I've given her
plenty of warnings.

If it's day--
if it's day one, like that,

I mean, what's day seven?

- Um, okay, the doctor is ready
to see you.

I'll go ahead
and take you right back.

Okay?
- All right.

- Can we go with them and--

- Oh, no.
I'm sorry.

For patient confidentiality,

you guys cannot go further
than this room.

- All right. Good luck, man.
- Thank you.

- All right,
we'll see you in a sec.

- All right.

- Thank you.
You too.

- Okay, right this way, sir.

- Okay, cool.
- Yeah.

All right.

All right, go ahead and have
a seat on that exam room table,

please.

- Can I put these down here?
- Yeah, of course.

- Have a seat here?
- Uh, yeah.

All right.

Have you had anything to eat
or drink today?

- Yeah.
- All right.

[alarm blaring]

- Uh, it's just a--

it's just a code yellow.

It's not anything
to be alarmed with.

Just sometimes we have people
get into restricted areas.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

It's been resolved.

The doctor will be in shortly.
Okay?

- Sounds good.
- Okay, great.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, you're welcome.

We're clear.

Yes, we're clear.
- Okay.

- All right,

I'm waiting for the doctor

and I'm alone in this room.

It's really weird.

Uh, I don't think I can film
the actual thing,

but I'll tell you how it goes.

All right.
Great.

♪ ♪

Right room?

- Hello.
- Hi.

- And you are?
- Felix.

- Felix.
- Yes.

- I am, uh--

I'm Dr. Winters.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

How are you today?

- I'm good.
- Yeah.

And you are here for?

- My exam.

- Physical exam?
- Physical exam. Yeah.

- Your physical exam?
Okay, great.

Everything regular with you?

Everything is good?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- How are you?

- I'm--I'm doing pretty well.

It's been quite a day, as--
- Okay.

- Yeah, yeah.

[heartbeat pulsating rapidly]

Um, so--

can you look up?

Up.
And open your mouth.

Stick out your tongue.

Good.

L-looks very good.

Have you been eating well?

- Uh, trying to.

- Looks good.
- Thank you.

- Yeah, it looks good.

You been healthy?

- I try.
- Yeah.

[alarm blaring]

- What is that?

- Um,

I'm not exactly sure,

but I should probably go

take a look at something.

- Okay.

- I will need a little bit of
blood and fluids from you,

so I'll be right back with--
with some of that.

- Okay.
- Okay. All right.

Okay.
Okay, I'll be back.

Don't move.
- Uh-huh.

- Yeah.
Give me just a couple minutes.

- All right, hey, Mr. Kjellberg,
how you doing?

- Good. How are you?

- All right.
Sorry about the delay.

Couldn't find my coat.
I'm Dr. Winters.

- What's that?
- I'm Dr. Winters. How are you?

- Good.
- Good.

All right, uh,

just here for a regular
insurance checkup, right?

All right, how are you feeling?

- Weirded out.
[chuckles]

- How do you feel,
medically?

- Oh, uh, fine.
- Yeah?

Let me check your heart.

All right, breathe in.

[heartbeat pulsating rapidly]

Let it out.

Okay, your heart's b*ating
kind of fast.

Anything bothering you?

What--you've got
a rapid heartbeat.

- Yeah, I don't know.
I had a really weird day.

- A weird day?
- Yeah.

- Just today?
- Yeah.

- Oh, Mr. Kjellberg,
you been playing in my sticks?

- [laughs]

No, there was another guy
who came in before you.

- Um...

there was another guy
that came in before me?

- Yeah, and a girl.

- Okay.

Open mouth, please.
Tongue out.

- Okay.
- "Ah."

"Ah."
- Ah.

- Just look up.

No, keep your mouth open.
Okay.

Do me another favor.
Sit up tall.

- Oh.
- Oh, that's the guy.

- Hi.

- Hello and--

- Dr. Winters.

Uh, have you seen
the patient already?

- Uh, yes.

I'm sorry,
what are you doing here?

- I'm doing a follow-up
consult.

Uh, Mr. Kjellberg,
is this the man

that you saw before?

- Uh-huh.

- He's the doctor
that you saw before?

- Uh-huh.
- Okay.

Um, let me just ask you

a few questions about
what you and he had gone over.

You are--

- Going to take
some fluid samples.

- Gonna take some fluid samples.
Okay.

- Send it off to the lab, yeah.
- Okay, that's fine.

Did you have any diagnosis
that you thought

about his original exam?

- Uh, he's--he's--

[buzzer sounds]

- All right. All right.

I just want--

- Ahh!

No!

Don't touch me!

- Drop the needle!

- Okay, I'm cool. I'm cool.

[grunting]

- Larry, Larry, calm down!

Calm down.
- Wah!

- Calm down, Larry.

- Sorry, Mr. Kjellberg.

It's just one of the hazards

of working in this
kind of facility.

Unfortunately, sometimes
people wander off

where they shouldn't
wander off.

He's actually wearing my coat.

He's not a doctor.

He's actually a patient here.

- Oh.
- So I apologize.

Did he touch you?
- Yeah.

- Did he do anything
inappropriate?

- No.

He came for--

like, he wanted to take blood
or whatever.

- Okay, he didn't stick you
with anything, did he?

- No.

No, no, no.
- Okay.

Sorry you had to experience
that.

- Yeah.

- I know you're doing
the psych today,

so let me see if Dr. Callahan
is ready for you

and then I'll come back
and get you.

All right.

If something like that
happens again,

that red button is there.

- Okay.

Okay, I'm still doing the exam.

I have no idea
what the f*ck is going on.

American hospitals
are f*cking weird, all right?

[man shouting and grunting]

- This day is so weird.

- All right, you all set?
- Are we good?

- I think we're good.
- Oh, great.

- Dr. Callahan is ready for you.
- I'm good to go.

Oh, it's here?
- Dr. C?

- Hi.
- This is Mr. Kjellberg.

- Hey.
- Mr. Kjellberg, Dr. Callahan.

- How are you, Mr. Cambridge?
- Cambridge?

Kjellberg.
- Kjellberg. Thank you.

I'm sorry.
- "Shellberg." I apologize.

- Oh, it's fine. No worries.
- I'll leave you guys to it.

- Have a seat.
- All right, thank you.

- Basically, I'm just gonna
show you some images...

- Okay.

- And think of it
as kind of free association.

- Uh-huh.

- I'm gonna take you through
some screens

and ask you your opinion
on what you see.

- Uh-huh.

- What do you think of
when you see that first image?

Is it on your screen?
- Yes.

Uh, looks like a devil.

A head of a devil.
- Hmm.

That's interesting.

And now I'm gonna have you

actually pick one of the two
words that's on the screen

that speaks to you.

- Okay.

- Pain or healing?

- That's pain.

- I'm gonna let you know that

that particular answer
concerns me,

but we'll deal with that
another time.

- Okay.

- w*apon or utensil?

- w*apon?

- There's no blood on there.

It's just a Kn*fe.

- It looks--
looks placed weird.

- I'll take w*apon.
- Okay.

- How are you feeling
right now?

- Strange.
- Interesting.

[heartbeat pulsating rapidly]

When you see this image,

are you not afraid,
which would be a zero or a one,

all the way up to very afraid
and concerned to a ten?

- Five.

- Five.
- Mm-hmm.

[eerie music]

♪ ♪

I'm gonna go with a--

- I-I know it's difficult,

but I kind of need you
to really get into the mode

of what you're seeing here.

- Um, three.

- Interesting.

You're finished.

How do you feel?
- All right.

- Interesting, isn't it?

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.

Okay, anything
you want to tell me?

- Anything
I want to tell you?

- Yeah.

- Um...

♪ ♪

No?

- Okay, well,
my work is done here.

Someone else will be in
right away to check on you.

Good luck.

♪ ♪

[alarm blaring]

[man shouting]

- All right.

You should--
- Get out of here!

- Okay, okay, okay.

- Poison me?
- What is that?

Dude, okay.
- I'm gonna poison them.

[buzzer sounding]

Stay here!
Oh!

Sorry. Sorry.

Are you with me?

Help me.

Stand up. Stand up.
Stand up and help me.

Stand up.

- Just--
put that down.

[alarm beeping]

- They're trying to hurt me.

They poison my brain.

They play games with me.

No!
Get back!

[yelling indistinctly]

I'm not going with you!
- Calm down.

- I'm not going with you!
- Take a breath.

- Calm down.
- Take a breath.

There. Calm down. Calm down.
- Are you okay?

Take a seat.
Take a seat, buddy.

Take a seat.

- Turn over! Turn over!
- Hold him down.

Did he touch you?

- Yeah. No?

- Where?
- No.

I'm good.

- You get any of his stuff
on you?

- No.

- You got him?

[heartbeat pulsating]

- Get in the other chair.

Get in the other chair.

Get in the other chair now!

[alarm beeping]

Clear the hallway!

Everyone clear the hall!

Clear the hall!

- What the f*ck?

- Nurses, back to your stations.

Clear the hallway.

Did you get any of this
biohazard material on you, sir?

- I don't think so.

- Are you sure?

Okay, can you please stand up?

Are you feeling dizzy
or lightheaded?

- No.
- Can you hear me, sir?

- Yes.
- Are you feeling nauseous?

- I don't think so.

- See.

You're incredibly dilated here.

- It's probably jet lag.

- Did you get any vapor
in your nose

while he was in here?

- No.
- Are you sure?

- No.
- Okay.

I need you to blow out through
your nostrils really hard.

- [laughs]
What?

- I need you to blow out

through your nostrils--

- Where?
- Right here.

Just into my hand.

Just do it, sir.

Do it!

- [laughs]
I can't do it.

- Sir, I don't want to be
the Texas Ebola nurse.

Come on, hurry!
- Okay.

- Hurry!

[exhaling sharply]

Okay, other side.
- The other one?

- Other side.

[exhaling sharply]

- Are we good?

- Okay, we need a shower.
Let's go.

- Shower?
- Yes.

We need to do a chemical rinse
right now, sir.

Right this way.
Come on.

Clear the hall!
Clear the hall!

All right, right this way.

I-I think you actually have some
blood matter on your shoe, sir.

- Yes.
- Okay, under the hood.

Under that orange hood
right there, sir.

Okay.
All right, ready?

- No.

What is going on?

[alarm beeping]

- All right.

How are you feeling?

- I don't know.

- How many fingers
am I holding up?

- Two fingers.

- Okay, very good.
- Yes.

- All right,
come have a seat.

Have a seat, sir.

Okay, I'm gonna go
and get the doctor, okay?

You sit tight.
Okay?

[dramatic music]

- I don't--

What the--

[jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- All right, Mr. "Kellberg."
- It's "Shellberg."

- Follow me.
- Can I go?

- I think we're good.

- All right, nice to meet you,
Mr. Kjellberg.

- Thank you.
- Have a good one.

- Dr. Davis, telephone, please.

Dr. Davis, telephone call,
please.


- What happened?

- What?

There's a guy and--
I don't know.

♪ ♪

American hospitals, man.

- They had patients who are in
restricted areas?

Like, what the f*ck is that?

- They even mentioned Ebola,

and I'm like, "What the f*ck?"

I'm pretty sure
I don't have Ebola.

All right.

This f*cking thing on my shoe.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

I just--just want to go.

[engine turns over,
car starts]

I want to go home.

- All right,
so let's talk about the day.

- [laughs]

Well, first, the girl--

- Hey!

What you trying
to run me over for?

- Get out of here!

[glass shatters]

What's wrong with you?

Get out of here!

- Just pull away, man.

- I'll sue your ass!
- You're not gonna sue nothing.

- Hey, bitch!
I'll sue you guys.

- Whoa. Jeez.
- Back up.

- Okay. All right.
- Hey, whoa, whoa.

- Hey, what the f*ck
is going on?

- Um, all right.

- Get out of here!
What the f*ck? Get out!

[alarm beeping]

What the f*ck?

- Go!
- Can we drive?

- Get in the car!

- Lock the door.
- Hey, all you guys.

I'm gonna sue you, dude.

[tires squeal]

- Is this, like,
a bad neighborhood?

[dramatic music]

- Can you believe that?
- Oh, my God.

- This is supposed to be part
of the thing, right?

- What thing?
- That we're doing tomorrow.

- Is this part of it?

- This was just the intro
and the psych test.

- What about Nikki?

- No, she was supposed to be on
for the whole production,

but she's gone.

- [laughs]

[heartbeat pulsating rapidly]

Weirdest day ever.

[chuckles]

All right,
I think I passed the exam.


It's been a long day.

It's been really weird,

but it's over for now,

and I'm gonna go
and sleep for tomorrow,

'cause then we're doing--

I don't even know.

[chuckles]

But as always,
stay awesome, bros.

[eerie music]

♪ ♪

How's it going?

I'm here in L.A.,
dancing it up.

Yeah.

And then left.

[jazzy music]

Then move.

♪ ♪
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